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Beard, Beef, and Drunk: MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick The problem with Canada's kebab places is they're too clean and healthy. I want a proper British kebab. 2:08 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in garlic sauce. 2:09 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyTheTick Like I can tell you the kebab I'm eating right now isn't a real kebab because i'm eating it while sober 2:11 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick The Kebab shop is always ran by a huge dude called Amir. Amir does not speak English. He does speak every other language in the world. 2:20 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick Including, "I'm shit myself drunk"-ese. 2:20 am-11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick "HARGHN JUGHBO GELRCIH PLAGHS?" you ask him. Нe nods. 2:21 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick He begins shaving "meat" off that huge fucking rotisserie beef thing. Your brain, floating as it is in vodka, offers one word, "hoss?" 2:22 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick Amir grins. He has heard that joke before. There's no horse in Amir's kebabs. Oh no. Horse is for those fancy fuckers on main street 2:23 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick Amir's meat is a heady mix of rat, greyhound and eastern european girls who aren't very good at holding their breath 2:24 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick Amir gestures to the sad-looking vegetables on the counter, but you've already fell asleep with your face pressed against the counter glass. 2:26 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyTheTick Amir tops your kebab with lettuce, cucumbers, bubblewrap and Styrofoam. He then adds so much garlic sauce that those ingredients cease to be 2:28 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyTheTick Amir grunts, and hands you your kebab. He grunts again when you nearly leave without paying. You stagger back to the counter and thrust a 2:29 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick -wad of sweaty fivers into his hands. Amir gives you your exact fucking change 2:30 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyTheTick The next five minutes look like a mix between the walking dead and a particularly messy bukkake video. 2:32 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick You pass a young couple, you attempt to smile. You look like you just came off the casting couch with Peter North 2:32 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick Eventually you make it home, leaving a slimy trail of garlic sauce behind you. Then you fall asleep mid-shit on the toilet. 2:33 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyThe Tick You awake to the gentle touch of cool porcelain. Your throat and tongue seem to have sprouted hair. One of your eyes is crusted shut 2:35 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyTheTick Know now that this is your heritage and your legacy. You are a man of Britain my son. 2:36 am 11 Aug 15 MockingGrey @GreyTheTick Change your sheets before you go out for a night on the town. It's the best gift you can give your drunk self. 2:39 am 11 Aug 15
Beard, Beef, and Drunk: MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 The problem with Canada's kebab
 places is they're too clean and healthy.
 I want a proper British kebab.
 2:08 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 I want an angry brown man who is
 94% beard to hand me a congealed
 slab of suspicious meat drenched in
 garlic sauce.
 2:09 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyTheTick
 Like I can tell you the kebab I'm eating
 right now isn't a real kebab because
 i'm eating it while sober
 2:11 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 The Kebab shop is always ran by a
 huge dude called Amir. Amir does not
 speak English. He does speak every
 other language in the world.
 2:20 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 Including, "I'm shit myself drunk"-ese.
 2:20 am-11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 "HARGHN JUGHBO GELRCIH
 PLAGHS?" you ask him.
 Нe nods.
 2:21 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 He begins shaving "meat" off that
 huge fucking rotisserie beef thing.
 Your brain, floating as it is in vodka,
 offers one word, "hoss?"
 2:22 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 Amir grins. He has heard that joke
 before. There's no horse in Amir's
 kebabs. Oh no. Horse is for those
 fancy fuckers on main street
 2:23 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 Amir's meat is a heady mix of rat,
 greyhound and eastern european girls
 who aren't very good at holding their
 breath
 2:24 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 Amir gestures to the sad-looking
 vegetables on the counter, but you've
 already fell asleep with your face
 pressed against the counter glass.
 2:26 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyTheTick
 Amir tops your kebab with lettuce,
 cucumbers, bubblewrap and
 Styrofoam. He then adds so much
 garlic sauce that those ingredients
 cease to be
 2:28 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyTheTick
 Amir grunts, and hands you your
 kebab. He grunts again when you
 nearly leave without paying. You
 stagger back to the counter and thrust
 a
 2:29 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 -wad of sweaty fivers into his hands.
 Amir gives you your exact fucking
 change
 2:30 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyTheTick
 The next five minutes look like a mix
 between the walking dead and a
 particularly messy bukkake video.
 2:32 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 You pass a young couple, you attempt
 to smile. You look like you just came
 off the casting couch with Peter
 North
 2:32 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 Eventually you make it home, leaving
 a slimy trail of garlic sauce behind
 you. Then you fall asleep mid-shit on
 the toilet.
 2:33 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyThe Tick
 You awake to the gentle touch of cool
 porcelain. Your throat and tongue
 seem to have sprouted hair. One of
 your eyes is crusted shut
 2:35 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyTheTick
 Know now that this is your heritage
 and your legacy. You are a man of
 Britain my son.
 2:36 am 11 Aug 15
 MockingGrey
 @GreyTheTick
 Change your sheets before you go out
 for a night on the town. It's the best
 gift you can give your drunk self.
 2:39 am 11 Aug 15