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Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I鈥檓 posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it鈥檚 not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world鈥檚 largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn鈥檛 put them where they need to fucking go. So they don鈥檛 have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn鈥檛 just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it鈥檒l fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it鈥檚 basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 鈥淚f they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.鈥 No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it鈥檚 so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) 鈥淥h no! What could have happened! How could this be!鈥 Do not let that expression fool you, they just don鈥檛 have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 鈥淲ow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.鈥 Yes, thank you. 鈥淏ut if they鈥檙e so bad at literally everything, why haven鈥檛 they gone extinct.鈥 Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT鈥橲 DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that鈥檒l lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it鈥檚 stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of 鈥渟cratching鈥 their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like 鈥渉uh okay they have a skill.鈥 Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they鈥檙e fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they鈥檙e doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I鈥檓 posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it鈥檚 not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world鈥檚 largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn鈥檛 put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don鈥檛 have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn鈥檛 just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it鈥檒l fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it鈥檚 basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

鈥淚f they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.鈥 No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it鈥檚 so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) 鈥淥h no! What could have happened! How could this be!鈥 Do not let that expression fool you, they just don鈥檛 have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

鈥淲ow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.鈥 Yes, thank you. 鈥淏ut if they鈥檙e so bad at literally everything, why haven鈥檛 they gone extinct.鈥 Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT鈥橲 DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that鈥檒l lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it鈥檚 stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of 鈥渟cratching鈥 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like 鈥渉uh okay they
 have a skill.鈥 Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they鈥檙e fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they鈥檙e doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the...

Android, Arsenal, and News: a75N 1234 AM Thread ta You Retweet.ed wyatt aSayWhenLA BREAKING Holy fk. Seventy-two killed resisting gun confiscation in Boston. National Guard units seek- ing to confiscate a cache of recently banned assault weapons were ambushed by elements of a Para-military extremist faction. 10:58 PM 09 Aug 19 Twitter for Android 3,916 Retweets 5,899 Likes Wyatt @SayWhenLA ld Replying to @SayWhenLA Military and law enforcement sources estimate that 72 were- killed and more than 200 injured before government forces were compelled to withdraw. Speaking after the clash, Governor Thomas Gage declared that the extremist faction, which was made up of local citizens, 29 tn 543 1,420 Wyatt @SayWhenLA Id has links to the radical right-wing tax protest movement. Gage blamed the extremists for recent incidents of vandalism directed against internal revenue offices. The governor, who described the group's organizers as 'criminals," just issued an executive order authorizing the 12t 420 1267 wyatt SayWhenLA ld summary arrest of any individual who has interfered with the government's efforts to secure law and order. The military raid on the extremist arsenal followed wide-spread refusal by the local citizenry to turn over recently outlawed assault weapons 1n 417 129 WyattSayWhenLA Id Gage issued a ban on military-style assault weapons and ammunition earlier in the woek. This decision followed a meeting in early this month between govermment and military leaders at which the governor authorized the forcible confiscation of illegal arms. 1 400 190 Wyatt SayWhenLA ld One government official, speaking on condition of anonymity pointed out that "none of these people would have been killed had the extremists obeyed the law and turned over their weapons voluntarily. Government troops initially succeeded in confiscating a large supply of 183 Wyatt SayWhenLA ld outlawed weapons and ammunition. However, troops attempting to seize arms and ammunition in Lexington met with resistance from heavily armed extremists who had been tipped aff regarding the government's plans. During a tense standoff in the Lexington town park, National Guard t 1209 1 0 Wyatt SayWhenLA Id Colonel Francis Smith, commander of the government operation, ordered the armed group to surrender and return to their homes. The impasse was broken by a single shot, which was repartedly fired by one of the right-wing extremists. tu 3s0 160 Q1360 Wyatt SayWhenLA Id Eight civilians were killed in the Aensuing exchange. Ironically, the local citizenry blamed government forces rather than the extremists for the civilian deaths. Before order could be restored, armed citizens from surrounding areas had descended upon the guard units 1 409 1224 Wyatt @SayWhenLA Id Colonel Smith, finding his forces aver matched by the armed mob, ordered a retreat. Governor Gage has called upon citizens to support the state national joint task force in its effort to restore law and order. n 367 uTO Wyatt @SayWhenLA Id The governor also demanded the surrender of those responsible for planning and leading the attack against the government troops t 1202 6 n 38 WyattSayWhenLA Id Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and John Hancock, who have been identified as ringleaders" of the extremist faction, remain at large. And this fellow Americans, is how the American Revolution began, April 20, 1775 n u34 254 Wyatt SayWhenLA Id On July 4th, 1776 these same extremists as Bill Mitchell calls them, signed the Declaration of Independence, pledging to each ather and their countrymen their lives, fortunes, & sacred honor. Many of them lost everything, aver the course of the next few years. Lest we forget.. un 504 JusticeForEricGarmer @th.. Id Tweet your reply Breaking News: History is important
Android, Arsenal, and News: a75N 1234 AM
 Thread
 ta You Retweet.ed
 wyatt
 aSayWhenLA
 BREAKING Holy fk.
 Seventy-two killed resisting
 gun confiscation in Boston.
 National Guard units seek-
 ing to confiscate a cache
 of recently banned assault
 weapons were ambushed by
 elements of a Para-military
 extremist faction.
 10:58 PM 09 Aug 19 Twitter for
 Android
 3,916 Retweets 5,899 Likes
 Wyatt @SayWhenLA ld
 Replying to @SayWhenLA
 Military and law enforcement
 sources estimate that 72 were-
 killed and more than 200 injured
 before government forces were
 compelled to withdraw.
 Speaking after the clash, Governor
 Thomas Gage declared that the
 extremist faction, which was made
 up of local citizens,
 29 tn 543
 1,420
 Wyatt @SayWhenLA Id
 has links to the radical right-wing
 tax protest movement.
 Gage blamed the extremists for
 recent incidents of vandalism
 directed against internal revenue
 offices. The governor, who
 described the group's organizers
 as 'criminals," just issued an
 executive order authorizing the
 12t 420 1267
 wyatt SayWhenLA ld
 summary arrest of any individual
 who has interfered with the
 government's efforts to secure law
 and order.
 The military raid on the extremist
 arsenal followed wide-spread
 refusal by the local citizenry to
 turn over recently outlawed
 assault weapons
 1n 417
 129
 WyattSayWhenLA Id
 Gage issued a ban on
 military-style assault weapons
 and ammunition earlier in the
 woek. This decision followed a
 meeting in early this month
 between govermment and military
 leaders at which the governor
 authorized the forcible
 confiscation of illegal arms.
 1 400 190
 Wyatt SayWhenLA ld
 One government official, speaking
 on condition of anonymity
 pointed out that "none of these
 people would have been killed had
 the extremists obeyed the law and
 turned over their weapons
 voluntarily.
 Government troops initially
 succeeded in confiscating a large
 supply of
 183
 Wyatt SayWhenLA ld
 outlawed weapons and
 ammunition. However, troops
 attempting to seize arms and
 ammunition in Lexington met with
 resistance from heavily armed
 extremists who had been tipped
 aff regarding the government's
 plans.
 During a tense standoff in the
 Lexington town park, National
 Guard
 t 1209
 1 0
 Wyatt SayWhenLA Id
 Colonel Francis Smith,
 commander of the government
 operation, ordered the armed
 group to surrender and return to
 their homes. The impasse was
 broken by a single shot, which was
 repartedly fired by one
 of the
 right-wing extremists.
 tu 3s0 160
 Q1360
 Wyatt SayWhenLA Id
 Eight civilians were killed in the
 Aensuing exchange.
 Ironically, the local citizenry
 blamed government forces rather
 than the extremists for the civilian
 deaths. Before order could be
 restored, armed citizens from
 surrounding areas had descended
 upon the guard units
 1 409 1224
 Wyatt @SayWhenLA Id
 Colonel Smith, finding his forces
 aver matched by the armed mob,
 ordered a retreat.
 Governor Gage has called upon
 citizens to support the state
 national joint task force in its
 effort to restore law and order.
 n 367
 uTO
 Wyatt @SayWhenLA Id
 The governor also demanded the
 surrender of those responsible for
 planning and leading the attack
 against the government troops
 t 1202
 6
 n 38
 WyattSayWhenLA Id
 Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and
 John Hancock, who have been
 identified as ringleaders" of the
 extremist faction, remain at large.
 And this fellow Americans, is how
 the American Revolution began,
 April 20, 1775
 n u34 254
 Wyatt SayWhenLA Id
 On July 4th, 1776 these same
 extremists as Bill Mitchell calls
 them, signed the Declaration of
 Independence, pledging to each
 ather and their countrymen their
 lives, fortunes, & sacred honor.
 Many of them lost everything,
 aver the course of the next few
 years. Lest we forget..
 un 504
 JusticeForEricGarmer @th.. Id
 Tweet your reply
Breaking News: History is important

Breaking News: History is important