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Bad, Beer, and Life: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a real UFO and it was 'horribly designed' The Shape of Water director Guillermo 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d m808vthetank: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater: “I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.” The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.” (x) the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING “there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky” The real reason we haven’t made official contact with alien life is because they were offended by his remarks and don’t want to come back until we apologise
Bad, Beer, and Life: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a
 real UFO and it was 'horribly
 designed'
 The Shape of Water director Guillermo
 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d
m808vthetank:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

doux-amer:

truestoriesaboutme:

dragon-in-a-fez:
imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines
The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics

Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater:

“I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.”
The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.”
(x)



the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING

“there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”


The real reason we haven’t made official contact with alien life is because they were offended by his remarks and don’t want to come back until we apologise

m808vthetank: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you sa...

Af, Funny, and Head: Dracovish - Water / Dragon-type Arctovish -Water / Ice-type IGN IGN Dracozolt -Electric / Dragon-type Arctozolt - Electic / Ice-type IGN IGN spacehippieface: girlfriendluvr: tsunflowers: why are these all so fucked up the fossil pokemon of this gen are inspired by several incidents in britain (and europe at large but mostly britain) where many fossils were put together completely wrong, resulting in shit like this being in actual museums. this particular one (the “otto von guerick unicorn”) is actually from germany, but it’s the funniest of them. see the crystal palace dinosaurs or the piltdown man for british examples in the game, you’re combining fossils from completely different extinct pokemon, resulting in these monstrosities that have dex entries like this: “Its mighty legs are capable of running at speeds exceeding 40 mph, but this Pokémon can’t breathe unless it’s underwater.“ “The shaking of its freezing upper half is what generates its electricity. It has a hard time walking around.“ “Though it’s able to capture prey by freezing its surroundings, it has trouble eating the prey afterward because its mouth is on top of its head.“ some of the 8 dex entries even speculate why these pokemon may have gone extinct, which is funny because they never existed in the first place. they’re chimeras that are exclusive to the pokemon universe’s modern times. the professor lady who puts the fossils together in the pokemon games is even named Cara Liss (careless) some people have made fanart of what the original pokemon may have looked like, here’s one, here’s another, and here’s a third!
Af, Funny, and Head: Dracovish - Water / Dragon-type
 Arctovish -Water / Ice-type
 IGN
 IGN
 Dracozolt -Electric / Dragon-type
 Arctozolt - Electic / Ice-type
 IGN
 IGN
spacehippieface:

girlfriendluvr:

tsunflowers:
why are these all so fucked up
the fossil pokemon of this gen are inspired by several incidents in britain (and europe at large but mostly britain) where many fossils were put together completely wrong, resulting in shit like this being in actual museums. this particular one (the “otto von guerick unicorn”) is actually from germany, but it’s the funniest of them. see the crystal palace dinosaurs or the piltdown man for british examples
in the game, you’re combining fossils from completely different extinct pokemon, resulting in these monstrosities that have dex entries like this:
“Its mighty legs are capable of running at speeds exceeding 40 mph, but this Pokémon can’t breathe unless it’s underwater.“
“The shaking of its freezing upper half is what generates its electricity. It has a hard time walking around.“
“Though it’s able to capture prey by freezing its surroundings, it has trouble eating the prey afterward because its mouth is on top of its head.“
some of the 8 dex entries even speculate why these pokemon may have gone extinct, which is funny because they never existed in the first place. they’re chimeras that are exclusive to the pokemon universe’s modern times.
the professor lady who puts the fossils together in the pokemon games is even named Cara Liss (careless)
some people have made fanart of what the original pokemon may have looked like, here’s one, here’s another, and here’s a third!

spacehippieface: girlfriendluvr: tsunflowers: why are these all so fucked up the fossil pokemon of this gen are inspired by several incide...

Bad, Facts, and Friends: jelloapocalypse S eternal-savvy-blog Follow sixpenceee These swimming pools with black tiles are my aesthetic. gabriel-patches-titanfeather Make the black tiles out of that black material that absorbs all light and swim over the void. ract facts-i-just-made-up Fun fact about Vantablack- Because it absorbs all light, it heats up very fast. If exposed to direct sunlight, it takes in all the UV and heat and contains them, and can reach heats well over 212°F, the boiling point of water. So if you did coat the pool in that material, the water would boil as soon as the sun touched it, killing everyone swimming in it. But that's not all. The flash boiling of an entire pool of chlorinated water would release the chlorine as gas, which would kill everyone within a 200ft radius of the pool. And it doesn't end there. The release of chlorine gas combined with the heat of the black tiles would be more than sufficient to fuse the boiled hydrogen ions with the chlorine, creating an explosive reaction with the nitrogen in the air. So shortly after everyone in the pool boils and everyone around the pool dies of chlorine gas poisoning, the region would explode with the force of a small atomic bomb (8kt for a pool like those pictured above), leveling about 50 city blocks. You'd think that would be bad enough, but get this- Such chemical explosions expel gamma rays. Gamma rays ionize hematite, which is the mineral from which the black material mentioned is made. This creates Scopohyoscpnol, a compound known as "The Zombie Drug" because it essentially erases the brain and induces cannibalistic tendencies in its victim. It can be transmitted through saliva, infecting all who are bitten within hours. So basically, if you did have Vantablack tiles in your pool, you would boil your friends, poison your neighbors, nuke your city, and condemn the globe to a zombie plague. But to be fair, it would look pretty cool. - meltinggoldanddippingthingsinit This is really well-done. I skipped over the username and kept believing even as it got ridiculous. Source: sixpenceee 260,387 notes ifunny.ce This is amazing, just don’t read the username first.
Bad, Facts, and Friends: jelloapocalypse
 S eternal-savvy-blog Follow
 sixpenceee
 These swimming pools with black tiles are my aesthetic.
 gabriel-patches-titanfeather
 Make the black tiles out of that black material that absorbs all
 light and swim over the void.
 ract facts-i-just-made-up
 Fun fact about Vantablack- Because it absorbs all light, it heats
 up very fast. If exposed to direct sunlight, it takes in all the UV
 and heat and contains them, and can reach heats well over
 212°F, the boiling point of water. So if you did coat the pool in
 that material, the water would boil as soon as the sun touched it,
 killing everyone swimming in it.
 But that's not all. The flash boiling of an entire pool of
 chlorinated water would release the chlorine as gas, which would
 kill everyone within a 200ft radius of the pool. And it doesn't end
 there.
 The release of chlorine gas combined with the heat of the black
 tiles would be more than sufficient to fuse the boiled hydrogen
 ions with the chlorine, creating an explosive reaction with the
 nitrogen in the air. So shortly after everyone in the pool boils
 and everyone around the pool dies of chlorine gas poisoning,
 the region would explode with the force of a small atomic bomb
 (8kt for a pool like those pictured above), leveling about 50 city
 blocks.
 You'd think that would be bad enough, but get this-
 Such chemical explosions expel gamma rays. Gamma rays ionize
 hematite, which is the mineral from which the black material
 mentioned is made. This creates Scopohyoscpnol, a compound
 known as "The Zombie Drug" because it essentially erases the
 brain and induces cannibalistic tendencies in its victim. It can
 be transmitted through saliva, infecting all who are bitten within
 hours.
 So basically, if you did have Vantablack tiles in your pool, you
 would boil your friends, poison your neighbors, nuke your city,
 and condemn the globe to a zombie plague. But to be fair, it
 would look pretty cool.
 - meltinggoldanddippingthingsinit
 This is really well-done. I skipped over the username and kept
 believing even as it got ridiculous.
 Source: sixpenceee
 260,387 notes
 ifunny.ce
This is amazing, just don’t read the username first.

This is amazing, just don’t read the username first.

Tumblr, Blog, and Water: feniczoroark: Don’t like that@randomnightlord Is that Glass or Water
Tumblr, Blog, and Water: feniczoroark:

Don’t like that@randomnightlord 

Is that Glass or Water

feniczoroark: Don’t like that@randomnightlord Is that Glass or Water

Fall, Fire, and Love: Today 19 AM Choose your own adventure: match on tinder, you choose to... A Ghost him, proving his fear of the paranormal to be well founded. B. Set up a date but never follow through and just kind of talik for 2: months C.Have a deep and meaningful conversation D. Do tinder things E. Explore the cave for clues Today 9.20 AM Ya know usually l'd pick B because that's how it tends to go most of time but I'm feelin GOOD and LUCKY today so i You explore the cave. You find a tarch and light it. It's raining outside. You then choose to A Leave the cave and walk outsi de. B. Delve deeper into the cave C Check to see what else is in the entrance I love to delve. B You delve deeper into the cave as the light dissapears behind you. You come across a fork in the cave an you A Go left towards the sound of water B. Go right towards a faint light Today 124 PM I'm feeling kinda perched, A You enter a cavem with a waterfall flowing into a crystal clear pool. You then.. A Get into the water B. Try to climb up the waterfall C Look around In the cavem D. Go beck Today 3 29 PM B Today 0 PM You go to the waterfall, grab a rock to climb but it's slippery and you fall into the weter.. A You swim to share B. Dive down and explore C Drown Teday 8.58 PM B! You talke a gulp of air and dive down You reach the bottom of the pool and see a lava tube that looks like it loads to a place to breath, a glittering sword and a treasure chest. You choose to.. A Go in the tube and explore some more B. Grab the sword C. Try to open the chest D. Ascend to the top of the pool Stitch It! You enter the tube and find a new cavern filed with air with a single sliver of moonlight cutting throigh the center of the cavern that connects to the outside. You . A Check out the discarded journal sitting besides the moonlight sliver B. Stand inside of the sliver C Attempt to figure aut if there is a code in the stalagtites on the ceiling Today 9:33 PM HAHAHA this is getting wild ummm A You open the joumal and can see nates scrawled all over but the darkest says beware the light. On the next page is a code number but you can't make it out in the low light A Throw somath ing into the maonlight and see what happens B. Grab the joumal and go back to the previous cavern C. Toss the joumal aside and look at those stalagtites D. Try to get your wet torch to light somehow C You study the stalagtites, they dont meen anything, what did you cxpect? You pick the journal back up and... See above A B. D Today 10 4 PM You grab a rock and throw it into the moonlight beam, it catches fire lighting up the carven before it disintegrates away. Having sean this you... A Throw all the rocks you can in the beam to watch the fireworkss B.Put the end of your torch in the maonlught beam C. Go back in the upper cavern B! You light the torch! You can now see cvarything cloarly. You now. A Take the journal back out and try) to read it again B. Look around the cavern to see if you missed anything C Stick your hand in the moon beam to see if it's hat Honestly...c You stick your hand in the moon beam... Surprise it's hot. Having learned that the fite setting thing is hot you then.. A Take the journal back out and try to read it again B. Look around the cavern to see if you missed anything C. Stick your hand in the moon beam again, and science Stitch It! НАНАН can I do C and then A Your hand burns more and you can't feel your fingers anymore considering the magic fire thing this makes sense and you record it for scientific rigor. You take the journal back out and read it under the Iight You read the code that was written in it and the code is. A Sabrina's number B. 1234567890 IM INTRUIGED NOW A!! You mamorize the number then dive back into the water and approch the chest at the bottom of the lake and put in a tencdigit code. That code is.. Welcome to tinder the newest text based RPG
Fall, Fire, and Love: Today 19 AM
 Choose your own adventure:
 match on tinder,
 you choose to...
 A Ghost him, proving his fear of the
 paranormal to be well founded.
 B. Set up a date but never follow
 through and just kind of talik for 2:
 months
 C.Have a deep and meaningful
 conversation
 D. Do tinder things
 E. Explore the cave for clues
 Today 9.20 AM
 Ya know usually l'd pick B because
 that's how it tends to go most of
 time but I'm feelin GOOD and
 LUCKY today so i
 You explore the cave. You find a
 tarch and light it. It's raining outside.
 You then choose to
 A Leave the cave and walk outsi de.
 B. Delve deeper into the cave
 C Check to see what else is in the
 entrance
 I love to delve. B
 You delve deeper into the cave as
 the light dissapears behind you. You
 come across a fork in the cave an
 you
 A Go left towards the sound of
 water
 B. Go right towards a faint light
 Today 124 PM
 I'm feeling kinda perched, A
 You enter a cavem with a waterfall
 flowing into a crystal clear pool. You
 then..
 A Get into the water
 B. Try to climb up the waterfall
 C Look around In the cavem
 D. Go beck
 Today 3 29 PM
 B
 Today 0 PM
 You go to the waterfall, grab a rock
 to climb but it's slippery and you fall
 into the weter..
 A You swim to share
 B. Dive down and explore
 C Drown
 Teday 8.58 PM
 B!
 You talke a gulp of air and dive
 down You reach the bottom of the
 pool and see a lava tube that looks
 like it loads to a place to breath,
 a glittering sword and a treasure
 chest. You choose to..
 A Go in the tube and explore some
 more
 B. Grab the sword
 C. Try to open the chest
 D. Ascend to the top of the pool
 Stitch It!
 You enter the tube and find a new
 cavern filed with air with a single
 sliver of moonlight cutting throigh
 the center of the cavern that
 connects to the outside. You .
 A Check out the discarded journal
 sitting besides the moonlight sliver
 B. Stand inside of the sliver
 C Attempt to figure aut if there is a
 code in the stalagtites on the ceiling
 Today 9:33 PM
 HAHAHA this is getting wild ummm
 A
 You open the joumal and can see
 nates scrawled all over but the
 darkest says beware the light. On
 the next page is a code number but
 you can't make it out in the low light
 A Throw somath ing into the
 maonlight and see what happens
 B. Grab the joumal and go back to
 the previous cavern
 C. Toss the joumal aside and look at
 those stalagtites
 D. Try to get your wet torch to light
 somehow
 C
 You study the stalagtites, they
 dont meen anything, what did you
 cxpect? You pick the journal back
 up and...
 See above
 A
 B.
 D
 Today 10 4 PM
 You grab a rock and throw it into
 the moonlight beam, it catches fire
 lighting up the carven before it
 disintegrates away. Having sean this
 you...
 A Throw all the rocks you can in the
 beam to watch the fireworkss
 B.Put the end of your torch in the
 maonlught beam
 C. Go back in the upper cavern
 B!
 You light the torch! You can now see
 cvarything cloarly. You now.
 A Take the journal back out and try)
 to read it again
 B. Look around the cavern to see if
 you missed anything
 C Stick your hand in the moon
 beam to see if it's hat
 Honestly...c
 You stick your hand in the moon
 beam... Surprise it's hot. Having
 learned that the fite setting thing is
 hot you then..
 A Take the journal back out and try
 to read it again
 B. Look around the cavern to see if
 you missed anything
 C. Stick your hand in the moon
 beam again,
 and science
 Stitch It!
 НАНАН
 can I do C and then A
 Your hand burns more and you
 can't feel your fingers anymore
 considering the magic fire thing this
 makes sense and you record it for
 scientific rigor. You take the journal
 back out and read it under the Iight
 You read the code that was written
 in it and the code is.
 A Sabrina's number
 B. 1234567890
 IM INTRUIGED NOW A!!
 You mamorize the number then dive
 back into the water and approch the
 chest at the bottom of the lake and
 put in a tencdigit code. That code
 is..
Welcome to tinder the newest text based RPG

Welcome to tinder the newest text based RPG

Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

America, Drunk, and Fucking: yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII, ao3tagoftheday: 186282397milespersec: ao3tagoftheday: [Image Description: Tag reading “yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII”] The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Please ask me about the Russian vodka ban in 1914? What was the Russian Vodka Ban in 1914? Ok, time to nerd. So Russians like vodka, ok? I don’t think this is a big revelation to anyone, but I feel like I should make it clear. Vodka is…important…in Russia.So, in 1904, Russia was preparing to go fight a war with Japan. Because, you know, sometimes you’re trying to retain control of a warm-water port and also there’s racism and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Japan, only there’s a problem: instead of mobilizing in an organized manner, soldiers are buying vodka and getting drunk out of their minds and then, like, not showing up for the war. Which, I mean, valid. I might get drunk and not show up if someone told me I had to go fight a war, and I don’t even drink. But it was a problem, and it actually really messed up Russia’s mobilization plans.So 1914 rolls around, and the Russians are going to go to war with Austria. Because, you know, sometimes international tensions in a multipolar situation get really heightened and then some asshole in an ugly uniform gets shot and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Austria, and this time, he has a plan. Vodka will not defeat him! He bans the sale of vodka in Russia. All of it. First for the duration of the mobilization period, and then for the duration of the war. Great idea, right?Only there’s a problem. The reason the Tsar can just stop all vodka sales with a snap of his fingers is that the Tsar sells all the vodka. Vodka is a state monopoly. You literally can’t get vodka from anyone but the government. Which makes it very easy to ban, but, well….Remember how I said Russians really like vodka? I’m just gonna say it again: Russians really like vodka. Really, really like it. So it makes sense that, if you’re a government with chronic money problems, you might create a state monopoly on vodka sales in order to raise some cash. You might raise a lot of cash. A huge fucking ton of cash. Literally one third of the Russian government’s revenue came from selling vodka. One fucking third.Here’s another thing: Wars? They cost money. A lot of it. And if you’re the Russian state in, say, 1914, and you’re about to kick off WWI, it might behoove you to not literally eliminate a third of your fucking revenue with a snap of your fingers! I don’t think that’s such a hard idea to wrap your head around, but what the fuck do I know. But anyway, Russia had chronic money problems throughout the war and couldn’t outfit their soldiers or feed their people or any of that shit. Also there was a revolution and communism and such-like. The end.Anyway, this story has several morals and they are as follows:Getting drunk and not showing up for wars is a valid life choiceConsidering the possible effects of your policies before implementing them is important please do thatProhibition causes communism and therefore we should all buy as much alcohol as we can because we love god and america
America, Drunk, and Fucking: yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII,
ao3tagoftheday:

186282397milespersec:

ao3tagoftheday:

[Image Description: Tag reading “yes its true Moscow ran out of vodka during the victory celebration of WWII”]

The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Please ask me about the Russian vodka ban in 1914? 

What was the Russian Vodka Ban in 1914?

Ok, time to nerd. So Russians like vodka, ok? I don’t think this is a big revelation to anyone, but I feel like I should make it clear. Vodka is…important…in Russia.So, in 1904, Russia was preparing to go fight a war with Japan. Because, you know, sometimes you’re trying to retain control of a warm-water port and also there’s racism and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Japan, only there’s a problem: instead of mobilizing in an organized manner, soldiers are buying vodka and getting drunk out of their minds and then, like, not showing up for the war. Which, I mean, valid. I might get drunk and not show up if someone told me I had to go fight a war, and I don’t even drink. But it was a problem, and it actually really messed up Russia’s mobilization plans.So 1914 rolls around, and the Russians are going to go to war with Austria. Because, you know, sometimes international tensions in a multipolar situation get really heightened and then some asshole in an ugly uniform gets shot and then you need to have a war about it. So the Tsar orders his army to mobilize to go fight Austria, and this time, he has a plan. Vodka will not defeat him! He bans the sale of vodka in Russia. All of it. First for the duration of the mobilization period, and then for the duration of the war. Great idea, right?Only there’s a problem. The reason the Tsar can just stop all vodka sales with a snap of his fingers is that the Tsar sells all the vodka. Vodka is a state monopoly. You literally can’t get vodka from anyone but the government. Which makes it very easy to ban, but, well….Remember how I said Russians really like vodka? I’m just gonna say it again: Russians really like vodka. Really, really like it. So it makes sense that, if you’re a government with chronic money problems, you might create a state monopoly on vodka sales in order to raise some cash. You might raise a lot of cash. A huge fucking ton of cash. Literally one third of the Russian government’s revenue came from selling vodka. One fucking third.Here’s another thing: Wars? They cost money. A lot of it. And if you’re the Russian state in, say, 1914, and you’re about to kick off WWI, it might behoove you to not literally eliminate a third of your fucking revenue with a snap of your fingers! I don’t think that’s such a hard idea to wrap your head around, but what the fuck do I know. But anyway, Russia had chronic money problems throughout the war and couldn’t outfit their soldiers or feed their people or any of that shit. Also there was a revolution and communism and such-like. The end.Anyway, this story has several morals and they are as follows:Getting drunk and not showing up for wars is a valid life choiceConsidering the possible effects of your policies before implementing them is important please do thatProhibition causes communism and therefore we should all buy as much alcohol as we can because we love god and america

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