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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Af, Animals, and Bad: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: brookietf: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: drydrangea: association-of-free-people: cruzan-for-love: wethepotterheads0214: trashytoclassy: bunnywith: uleanblue: hermionxjean: maddeningmagic106: doctorsiggy: jitterbugjive: whoweargoldintheirhair: mememiya-anthy: #freshly peeled sheeps reblogging solely for that deeply unnerving caption @theosartisticthematics FRESHLY PEELED SHEEPS Fuck this. Does everyone just not see the blood scrapes on some of their backs and faces???!!! Anyone, seriously, correct me if I’m wrong because this is making me upset af Domesticated sheep need to be sheared because they don’t shed their coats on their own and it can be bad for their health if it gets too big. Also, it looks considering how close they cut that it went fairly well. I see like 2 nicks maybe, but with the photo it’s hard to tell. I mean, unfortunately, you’re going to nick a few animals because they don’t understand the order of “stand still” very well.  Sheep can die from heat exhaustion if they aren’t sheared.  Also, their skin secretes lanolin, which quickly soothes and heals any nicks they get during shearing.  in conclusion, it is good to peel the sheeps Please peel your sheeps They. Look. Like. Peeled. Potatoes Peel your sheep peeps! Remember when they found Shrek living in that cave and freed him he’s smiling in that last one HE HAS BEEN SAVED Anyone who has had a lot of hair then got a very close hair cut, that amazing feel of the breeze on your scalp? Imagine that for your whole body. Sheep LOOOOVE being sheared, especially in summer here in AUS. It saves them from MELTING!
Af, Animals, and Bad: thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
brookietf:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

drydrangea:

association-of-free-people:


cruzan-for-love:


wethepotterheads0214:


trashytoclassy:

bunnywith:

uleanblue:

hermionxjean:

maddeningmagic106:

doctorsiggy:

jitterbugjive:

whoweargoldintheirhair:

mememiya-anthy:
#freshly peeled sheeps
reblogging solely for that deeply unnerving caption

@theosartisticthematics

FRESHLY PEELED SHEEPS

Fuck this. Does everyone just not see the blood scrapes on some of their backs and faces???!!! Anyone, seriously, correct me if I’m wrong because this is making me upset af

Domesticated sheep need to be sheared because they don’t shed their coats on their own and it can be bad for their health if it gets too big.
Also, it looks considering how close they cut that it went fairly well. I see like 2 nicks maybe, but with the photo it’s hard to tell. I mean, unfortunately, you’re going to nick a few animals because they don’t understand the order of “stand still” very well. 

Sheep can die from heat exhaustion if they aren’t sheared. 
Also, their skin secretes lanolin, which quickly soothes and heals any nicks they get during shearing. 

in conclusion, it is good to peel the sheeps


Please peel your sheeps


They. Look. Like. Peeled. Potatoes


Peel your sheep peeps!


Remember when they found Shrek living in that cave and freed him


he’s smiling in that last one

HE HAS BEEN SAVED 

Anyone who has had a lot of hair then got a very close hair cut, that amazing feel of the breeze on your scalp? Imagine that for your whole body.
Sheep LOOOOVE being sheared, especially in summer here in AUS.

It saves them from MELTING!

thefingerfuckingfemalefury: brookietf: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: drydrangea: association-of-free-people: cruzan-for-love: wethepott...

Advil, Food, and News: When should I take: acetaminophen vs. ibuprofen? While both acetaminophen and ibuprofen provide relief these popular pain medications treat different ailments. Find out which remedy is best for you and how to take it correctly IBUPROFEN (Advil or Motrin) ACETAMINOPHEN (Tylenol) Pain Relief Best for Best for Muscle aches and joint pain Headaches Inflammation and swelling Lowering fever Menstrual pain Possible Side Effects . Upset stomach . Skin rash and blisters Heartburn . Stomach pain Warning: Stop taking immediately if a rash occurs. Tip: Take with food to help prevent upset stomach and ulcers. Toxicity . Increased risk of . Potential liver damage heart attack or stroke e Potential kidney damage Caution Be cautious of taking cold medications if you've already taken pain medicine. Many cold medications also contain acetaminophen, which may appear abbreviated as "APAP or "Acetam." Other over-the-counter products like naproxen (Aleve) are in the same class as ibuprofen and should not be taken WARNING Do NOT take Do NOT take: If you drink more than 3 alcoholic drinks per day If you have stomach ulcers or are taking blood pressure medication From the expert Both acetaminophen and ibuprofen are helpful for pain relief and reducing fever. However, ibuprofen also helps reduce sweling, while acetaminophen is generally safer and rarely has side effects. Remember that although both medications are available over-the- counter, each still carries risks Only take on an a basis and be careful not to exceed the recommended daily maximum dosage - Marwah Desoky, lead pharmacist at Sharp Coronado www.sharp.com/news 2016 Sharp HealthCare. All rights reserved SHARP medicalbasics: pain relief #nursingschool #nurse #rn #nursing #nurses #nursingstudent #resources #study #inspiration #school #tips - http://bit.ly/2ByDqHG According to my pharmacist mother some studies have shown that taking ibuprofen or another NSAID such as Aleve and then taking Tylenol a few hours later has the same pain killing power of narcotics without the addictive factor. That’s the combo I use when my cramps are really acting up.
Advil, Food, and News: When should I take:
 acetaminophen
 vs.
 ibuprofen?
 While both acetaminophen and ibuprofen provide relief
 these popular pain medications treat different ailments. Find
 out which remedy is best for you and how to take it correctly
 IBUPROFEN
 (Advil or Motrin)
 ACETAMINOPHEN
 (Tylenol)
 Pain Relief
 Best for
 Best for
 Muscle aches
 and joint pain
 Headaches
 Inflammation
 and swelling
 Lowering fever
 Menstrual pain
 Possible Side Effects
 . Upset stomach
 . Skin rash and blisters
 Heartburn
 . Stomach pain
 Warning: Stop
 taking immediately
 if a rash occurs.
 Tip: Take with food
 to help prevent upset
 stomach and ulcers.
 Toxicity
 . Increased risk of
 . Potential liver damage
 heart attack or stroke
 e Potential kidney damage
 Caution
 Be cautious of taking cold
 medications if you've already
 taken pain medicine. Many
 cold medications also contain
 acetaminophen, which may
 appear abbreviated as "APAP
 or "Acetam."
 Other over-the-counter
 products like naproxen
 (Aleve) are in the same
 class as ibuprofen and
 should not be taken
 WARNING
 Do NOT take
 Do NOT take:
 If you drink more than 3
 alcoholic drinks per day
 If you have stomach
 ulcers or are taking
 blood pressure medication
 From the expert
 Both acetaminophen and ibuprofen are helpful
 for pain relief and reducing fever. However, ibuprofen
 also helps reduce sweling, while acetaminophen is
 generally safer and rarely has side effects. Remember
 that although both medications are available over-the-
 counter, each still carries risks Only take on an a
 basis and be careful not to exceed the recommended
 daily maximum dosage
 - Marwah Desoky, lead pharmacist at Sharp Coronado
 www.sharp.com/news
 2016 Sharp HealthCare. All rights reserved
 SHARP
medicalbasics:

pain relief #nursingschool #nurse #rn #nursing #nurses #nursingstudent #resources #study #inspiration #school #tips - http://bit.ly/2ByDqHG

According to my pharmacist mother some studies have shown that taking ibuprofen or another NSAID such as Aleve and then taking Tylenol a few hours later has the same pain killing power of narcotics without the addictive factor. That’s the combo I use when my cramps are really acting up.

medicalbasics: pain relief #nursingschool #nurse #rn #nursing #nurses #nursingstudent #resources #study #inspiration #school #tips - http:/...

Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is a gigantic king a""hole Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the f'k down Jesus Frank Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled dickweed Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH THE META PICTURE awesomesthesia: Meet Frank The Turtle
Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered
 into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be
 escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity
 snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into
 action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is
 a gigantic king a""hole
 Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k
 away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he
 could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let
 me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like
 terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn
 Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was
 gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just
 about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the
 f'k down Jesus Frank
 Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and
 getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he
 is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp
 Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting
 like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this
 point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric
 asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong
 WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK
 Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole
 ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De
 Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit
 easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot
 Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled
 dickweed
 Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire
 town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with
 care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN
 YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle

awesomesthesia: Meet Frank The Turtle

Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is a gigantic king a""hole Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the f'k down Jesus Frank Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled dickweed Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH THE META PICTURE awesomesthesia: Meet Frank The Turtle
Ass, Community, and God: Everyone meet Frank. Frank is 40b snapping turtle that wandered
 into a community where he did not belong. Frank needed to be
 escorted back to his local pond where he couldnt go all snappity
 snap on anyone (or oute puppies) so my friend and I jumped into
 action. Within about 2 minutes it was prety apparent that Frank is
 a gigantic king a""hole
 Here we see Frank gettin all high and mighty trying to run the f"k
 away from us and get to the nearest basket of puppies that he
 could then chompity chomp simply because he is a giant t"k. Let
 me tell you something Frank, your dreams of being a Godzlla like
 terror on humanity are f"king over. You picked the wrong towrn
 Frank, you picked the wrong king town. Not äke Frank was
 gonna make it easy on me though. I swear to god this bastard just
 about hissed and shit everywhere betore we got him to calm the
 f'k down Jesus Frank
 Frank then realized he was ked so instead of cooperating and
 getting a free ride back to his pond OH NO. Frank here decides he
 is five f"king years old and he sits thef"K down and goes limp
 Honestly Frank grow the fk up. You think ather turtles are acting
 like this at your age Frank, no. Frank here probably thought at this
 point we we're unqualified to deal with a shelled prehistoric
 asswipe but his ass was wrong. So wrong
 WE F KING LASSO'D THE SH.T OUTTA YOU FRANK
 Needless to say Frank was pretty f"king upset about the whole
 ordeal and bitched the entre ten minute walk back to Casa De
 Frank and just when 1 thought my life was gonna got just a ittle bit
 easier, Frank goes and torpedo sholgun pisses all over my toot
 Fk you Frank. Thats low even for you, you pancake sheled
 dickweed
 Long story short we got Frank back home and saved the entire
 town. Frank was not hurt, and we treated the whole situation with
 care BECAUSE TM A BIGGER MORE MATURE PERSON THAN
 YOU FRANK YOU SON OF A B'TCH
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Meet Frank The Turtle

awesomesthesia: Meet Frank The Turtle