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Books, Fire, and Music: Summer arrived. Summer made things hot, and both Adam and Ronan smelled more in the summer, though they didn't seem to notice or care Ronan accidentally started a fire in one of the smaller outbuildings, and although this started out shouty it ended up wild and joyful, with both Adam and Ronan hurling things into it while music galloped in the background. Adam's car got off the blocks and almost immediately re turned to them. There were a lot of mice, which Opal enjoyed catchin and occasionally eating. The cloud lady continued bringing books and foods to the bench by the creek and also began to bring a suitcase with tubes that went in her nose, which was interesting and made Opal stick things up her nose for a few days after she first saw it. Adam got one o the Lynch family's old backhoes running again and dug a strategically placed hole out in one of the fields. A natural spring slowly began to it and an unnatural hosepipe finished the job; the boys stripped an leapt into the resulting body of water on the hottest of days. Opal did not want to swim but Adam taught her until she was fearless, and then Ronan threw buoyant objects for her to fetch until he got tired of being on the shore. He had dreamt himself a pair of tattered black wings that did not quite hold him and he used them now like a temporary diving board, letting them lift him half a dozen feet fore dropping him with a muddy splash. Opal floated on her back anod kicked her legs like Adam had shown her to do while the boys clung to each other in the water and then separated. The heat in the air made everything smell and look more like itself. Everything was very good over the water be- Summer had animalness in it, though, just like a human, and so it too eventually had to die maggie-stiefvater: x
Books, Fire, and Music: Summer arrived. Summer made things hot, and both Adam and Ronan
 smelled more in the summer, though they didn't seem to notice or care
 Ronan accidentally started a fire in one of the smaller outbuildings, and
 although this started out shouty it ended up wild and joyful, with both
 Adam and Ronan hurling things into it while music galloped in the
 background. Adam's car got off the blocks and almost immediately re
 turned to them. There were a lot of mice, which Opal enjoyed catchin
 and occasionally eating. The cloud lady continued bringing books and
 foods to the bench by the creek and also began to bring a suitcase with
 tubes that went in her nose, which was interesting and made Opal stick
 things up her nose for a few days after she first saw it. Adam got one o
 the Lynch family's old backhoes running again and dug a strategically
 placed hole out in one of the fields. A natural spring slowly began to
 it and an unnatural hosepipe finished the job; the boys stripped an
 leapt into the resulting body of water on the hottest of days. Opal did
 not want to swim but Adam taught her until she was fearless, and then
 Ronan threw buoyant objects for her to fetch until he got tired of being
 on the shore. He had dreamt himself a pair of tattered black wings
 that did not quite hold him and he used them now like a temporary
 diving board, letting them lift him half a dozen feet
 fore dropping him with a muddy splash. Opal floated on her back anod
 kicked her legs like Adam had shown her to do while the boys clung
 to each other in the water and then separated. The heat in the air made
 everything smell and look more like itself. Everything was very good
 over the water be-
 Summer had animalness in it, though, just like a human, and so it
 too eventually had to die
maggie-stiefvater:
x

maggie-stiefvater: x

Brains, Complex, and Fucking: fuckingflying I hate linguistic anthropology. Why? One of the most influential experiments in linguistic anthropology involved teaching a chimp asl. One of the most influential linguistics is named Noam Chomsky. You know what the chimp's name was? Nim Chimpsky Fucking monkey purn And this is in textbooks, in documentaries, everywhere. And everyone just IGNORES THIS GOD AWFUL PUN cause of how important the experiment was. But BUT LOOK AT THIS SHIT. FUCKING NIM CHIMPSKY. I HATE THIS WHOLE FIELD. dendritic-trees Its not just the linguistic anthropologists. There's a group of very important genes that determine if your body develops in the right shape/ organization... they are called the hedgehog genes, because fruit fly geneticists are all ridiculous. The different hedgehog genes are all named after different hedgehogs. And then someone decided to get clever and name one "sonic hedgehog" because this is just what fruitfly geneticists do. Well sonic hedgehog controls brain development, and now actual doctors are stuck in the position of explaining to grieving parents that their child's lethal birth defects or life-threatening tumors are caused by a "sonic hedgehog mutation". And this is why no one will invite the fruit fly people to parties error-404-fuck-not-found Biogeochemical scientists, upon discovering the complex mechanisms that govern the storage and use of molecular iron on our planet, decided to call this cycle "the ferrous wheel" We groaned about that for at least five solid minutes. callmegallifreya The phenomenon of sneezing when exposed to sudden bright light is called an Autosomal-dominant Compelling Helio Opthalmic Outburst. ACHOO Half a byte of data is a nibble. theactualcluegirl An unidentified, repetitive computer error is called a Bug, because the first one of those they discovered to be the fault of a moth fluttering against the vacuum tubes I think we need to admit that academics and engineers are lonely, stressed people whose brains go funny places when deprived of sleep and fed too much coffee instead sonic hedgehog
Brains, Complex, and Fucking: fuckingflying
 I hate linguistic anthropology. Why?
 One of the most influential experiments
 in linguistic anthropology involved
 teaching a chimp asl. One of the most
 influential linguistics is named Noam
 Chomsky. You know what the chimp's
 name was?
 Nim Chimpsky
 Fucking monkey purn
 And this is in textbooks, in
 documentaries, everywhere. And
 everyone just IGNORES THIS GOD
 AWFUL PUN cause of how important
 the experiment was. But
 BUT LOOK AT THIS SHIT. FUCKING NIM
 CHIMPSKY. I HATE THIS WHOLE FIELD.
 dendritic-trees
 Its not just the linguistic
 anthropologists.
 There's a group of very important
 genes that determine if your body
 develops in the right shape/
 organization... they are called the
 hedgehog genes, because fruit fly
 geneticists are all ridiculous. The
 different hedgehog genes are all named
 after different hedgehogs. And then
 someone decided to get clever and
 name one "sonic hedgehog" because
 this is just what fruitfly geneticists do.
 Well sonic hedgehog controls brain
 development, and now actual doctors
 are stuck in the position of explaining to
 grieving parents that their child's lethal
 birth defects or life-threatening tumors
 are caused by a "sonic hedgehog
 mutation".
 And this is why no one will invite the
 fruit fly people to parties
 error-404-fuck-not-found
 Biogeochemical scientists, upon
 discovering the complex mechanisms
 that govern the storage and use of
 molecular iron on our planet, decided to
 call this cycle "the ferrous wheel" We
 groaned about that for at least five solid
 minutes.
 callmegallifreya
 The phenomenon of sneezing when
 exposed to sudden bright light is called
 an Autosomal-dominant Compelling
 Helio Opthalmic Outburst. ACHOO
 Half a byte of data is a nibble.
 theactualcluegirl
 An unidentified, repetitive computer
 error is called a Bug, because the first
 one of those they discovered to be the
 fault of a moth fluttering against the
 vacuum tubes
 I think we need to admit that academics
 and engineers are lonely, stressed
 people whose brains go funny places
 when deprived of sleep and fed too
 much coffee instead
sonic hedgehog

sonic hedgehog

Bank, Chicken, and Drive: A customer sent my friend their last chicken nugget through the bank drive-thru tubes
Bank, Chicken, and Drive: A customer sent my friend their last chicken nugget through the bank drive-thru tubes

A customer sent my friend their last chicken nugget through the bank drive-thru tubes

Funny, Bank, and Chicken: A customer sent my friend their last chicken nugget through the bank drive-thru tubes via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2PCSNaT
Funny, Bank, and Chicken: A customer sent my friend their last chicken nugget through the bank drive-thru tubes via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2PCSNaT

A customer sent my friend their last chicken nugget through the bank drive-thru tubes via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2PCSNaT

Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola e With Preferred by Teachers ar E CRAYONS 24 homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS  AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL. SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE. I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK. There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them. The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi) You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted. Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint. Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color. BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible. Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.) so what you’re saying is i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns and have grey body paint i think i know where that’s going i think we all know where that’s going
Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola
 e With
 Preferred by Teachers
 ar E
 CRAYONS
 24
homestuckpatternreference:

iamthesylveon:

f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s:

gryphynshadow:

silencingthedrums:

zeaky:

sliceofbri:

DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET

SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS

GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS 

AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO

WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS

DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK.

There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them.

The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi)
You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted.
Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint.
Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color.
BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible.
Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.)

so what you’re saying is
i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns
and have grey body paint

i think i know where that’s going

i think we all know where that’s going

homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERF...

Bored, Life, and Love: updatebug Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship's spending allowance? Like "I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?" "Oh well, if we don't rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth Noted." "I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries." "Ah, yeah, it's not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it" .. that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard." Yeah." "Does such a process not hurt?" That'l be what the medication's for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process." and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?" "Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo'Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?" ..I believe I should speak with my superiors." batzendrick I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs tumblunni Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues brunhiddensmusings you cant tell me that if in fifty years we actually have scpaceship crews and not one of the dorks in space would remember stabby as the best possible joke to bring into space. even if stabby the roomba has been forgotten humans will immediately create some other harmlessly violent robotic equivalent and then be surprised their grandparents joked about the same thing back in 2017 insanity-keeps-things-fun Stabby will outlive us all Source: updatebug 55,580 notes Jun 27th, 2018 I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday
Bored, Life, and Love: updatebug
 Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship's
 spending allowance? Like
 "I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?"
 "Oh well, if we don't rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to
 devour me teeth
 Noted."
 "I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually
 packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify
 these recurrent deliveries."
 "Ah, yeah, it's not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately
 half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it"
 .. that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard."
 Yeah."
 "Does such a process not hurt?"
 That'l be what the medication's for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process."
 and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?"
 "Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a
 standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo'Kaght insisted on it.
 Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife
 strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?"
 ..I believe I should speak with my superiors."
 batzendrick
 I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs
 tumblunni
 Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues
 brunhiddensmusings
 you cant tell me that if in fifty years we actually have scpaceship crews and not one of the dorks in
 space would remember stabby as the best possible joke to bring into space. even if stabby the
 roomba has been forgotten humans will immediately create some other harmlessly violent robotic
 equivalent and then be surprised their grandparents joked about the same thing back in 2017
 insanity-keeps-things-fun
 Stabby will outlive us all
 Source: updatebug
 55,580 notes Jun 27th, 2018
I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

Fire, Memes, and New York: Bronx Uber Driver Shot By Passenger Seven Times Over $23 @balleralert Bronx Uber Driver Shot By Passenger Seven Times Over $23 -Blogged by: @RaquelHarrisTV ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Less than $30 was all a passenger got away with when he decided to fire seven shots into a Bronx Uber driver's car this Saturday. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Early Saturday morning around 12:45 a.m., 26-year-old Jeffrey Cisnero Comacho was picking up street hails when a man waved him down for a ride on Boston Road and Fish Ave. The passenger was being taken to Morrison Ave. near E. 174th St. in Soundview. Once they arrived, the rider took out a gun and shot Comacho seven times, and then fled with his wallet and $23 in cash, said police. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Comacho ended up falling out of his car but was able to get the attention of a passing police car. Paramedics rushed him Jacobi Medical Center and he’s now in stable condition. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “We were at the hospital all morning. He’s got tubes going everywhere. Cops recovered three 9-mm shells and there are a lot of exit and entrance wounds, said Fernando Mateo, the president of the New York State Federation of Taxi Drivers. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The shooter is still at large but thankfully Comacho is expected to live.
Fire, Memes, and New York: Bronx Uber Driver Shot By Passenger
 Seven Times Over $23
 @balleralert
Bronx Uber Driver Shot By Passenger Seven Times Over $23 -Blogged by: @RaquelHarrisTV ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Less than $30 was all a passenger got away with when he decided to fire seven shots into a Bronx Uber driver's car this Saturday. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Early Saturday morning around 12:45 a.m., 26-year-old Jeffrey Cisnero Comacho was picking up street hails when a man waved him down for a ride on Boston Road and Fish Ave. The passenger was being taken to Morrison Ave. near E. 174th St. in Soundview. Once they arrived, the rider took out a gun and shot Comacho seven times, and then fled with his wallet and $23 in cash, said police. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Comacho ended up falling out of his car but was able to get the attention of a passing police car. Paramedics rushed him Jacobi Medical Center and he’s now in stable condition. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “We were at the hospital all morning. He’s got tubes going everywhere. Cops recovered three 9-mm shells and there are a lot of exit and entrance wounds, said Fernando Mateo, the president of the New York State Federation of Taxi Drivers. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The shooter is still at large but thankfully Comacho is expected to live.

Bronx Uber Driver Shot By Passenger Seven Times Over $23 -Blogged by: @RaquelHarrisTV ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Less than $30 was all a passenger ...