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Being Alone, Bad, and Family: NEW EPISODE CN CARTOETw I WAS TERRIBLE TO YOU. I LIKED TAKING EVERYTHING OUT ON YO.. beta-kindergarten: Because this is, for whatever reason being discussed again in the tags, here’s just another reminder to everyone, and especially to my fellow survivors who see themselves in Jasper: SU has /never/ been ambiguous regarding who was in control of malachite. It was undoubtedly Lapis up until SWI, and even then you could say she and Jasper were working together to fight the CGs. Abuse by definition NEEDS to have a power imbalance between the victim and abuser. Jasper was never allowed that power, while Lapis is always described as the one who was in control, therefore Lapis was the abuser and Jasper was the victim. Victims aren’t always good people. Jasper is very much a victim of circumstance, both from the war and from Malachite. Yes, she’s abusive, but towards the corrupted gems, and has yet to be given a chance to unlearn her toxic behaviors. She’s a messy victim, she’s aggressive and angry, and there are so many survivors who act like this; and guess what, they’re still victims. Having “ugly” symptoms and feeling affection for your abuser does NOT make you the abuser of the relationship. It doesn’t undermine your abuse and certainly doesn’t justify it, no matter what vitriol this fandom tries to spew at you because you see Jasper as the victim. Abusers aren’t always going to be your enemy. They aren’t always going to be bigger than you, or physically stronger. They can be friends or family or “beach summer fun buddies”. They can be nice sometimes and absolutely terrible other times. And they can also have traumas of their own. This doesn’t change or excuse the fact that they’re abusive. Lapis is this kind of abuser. She was the one holding the chains, the one who acknowledges her own power (and fears being placed in positions of control because of it), and the one who regrets her decisions and is trying to stop being abusive. Frankly I don’t care about protagonist centered morality enough to even consider Steven’s point of view regarding Malachite. I don’t care what the CGs in the show have to say about the situation because regardless of how much of a “terrible” person Jasper is, it’s presented clearly to us who was the one being held in chains against their will. I also cannot be bothered to care about your definitions of “lashing out” or, “self-blaming”. Lapis made her intentions painfully clear that this was for revenge and wanting to take out everything on someone. She doesn’t love the earth nor does she want to play nice with the CGs. So don’t even try to tell me this because I’m frankly just /tired/ of being reminded that you people don’t actually care about victims if our behaviors or coping mechanisms are “wrong” to you. Also, of the 2 years that I’ve been involved in this hell fandom I’ve yet to see Jasper fans attack the inboxes or posts of Lapis fans to the same extent that the reverse has been done. Jasper fans don’t spread ugly rumors about Rebecca Sugar’s abuse history either, so it’s pretty ironic that WE’RE the ones who condone abuse isn’t it? tl;dr: You’re honestly disgusting if you’ve EVER tried to make a victim feel bad for liking Jasper, and I sincerely hope you grow up some day and learn that it’s not worth it to harm real people and survivors for the sake of a cartoon. And if you’re a victim who relates to Jasper, believe me when I say you aren’t alone and you aren’t a bad person. Keep doing you. ✌️
Being Alone, Bad, and Family: NEW EPISODE
 CN
 CARTOETw

 I WAS TERRIBLE TO YOU.

 I LIKED TAKING EVERYTHING OUT ON YO..
beta-kindergarten:

Because this is, for whatever reason being discussed again in the tags, here’s just another reminder to everyone, and especially to my fellow survivors who see themselves in Jasper:

SU has /never/ been ambiguous regarding who was in control of malachite. It was undoubtedly Lapis up until SWI, and even then you could say she and Jasper were working together to fight the CGs. Abuse by definition NEEDS to have a power imbalance between the victim and abuser. Jasper was never allowed that power, while Lapis is always described as the one who was in control, therefore Lapis was the abuser and Jasper was the victim.

Victims aren’t always good people. Jasper is very much a victim of circumstance, both from the war and from Malachite. Yes, she’s abusive, but towards the corrupted gems, and has yet to be given a chance to unlearn her toxic behaviors. She’s a messy victim, she’s aggressive and angry, and there are so many survivors who act like this; and guess what, they’re still victims. Having “ugly” symptoms and feeling affection for your abuser does NOT make you the abuser of the relationship. It doesn’t undermine your abuse and certainly doesn’t justify it, no matter what vitriol this fandom tries to spew at you because you see Jasper as the victim.

Abusers aren’t always going to be your enemy. They aren’t always going to be bigger than you, or physically stronger. They can be friends or family or “beach summer fun buddies”. They can be nice sometimes and absolutely terrible other times. And they can also have traumas of their own. This doesn’t change or excuse the fact that they’re abusive. Lapis is this kind of abuser. She was the one holding the chains, the one who acknowledges her own power (and fears being placed in positions of control because of it), and the one who regrets her decisions and is trying to stop being abusive. 

Frankly I don’t care about protagonist centered morality enough to even consider Steven’s point of view regarding Malachite. I don’t care what the CGs in the show have to say about the situation because regardless of how much of a “terrible” person Jasper is, it’s presented clearly to us who was the one being held in chains against their will. I also cannot be bothered to care about your definitions of “lashing out” or, “self-blaming”. Lapis made her intentions painfully clear that this was for revenge and wanting to take out everything on someone. She doesn’t love the earth nor does she want to play nice with the CGs. So don’t even try to tell me this because I’m frankly just /tired/ of being reminded that you people don’t actually care about victims if our behaviors or coping mechanisms are “wrong” to you. 

Also, of the 2 years that I’ve been involved in this hell fandom I’ve yet to see Jasper fans attack the inboxes or posts of Lapis fans to the same extent that the reverse has been done. Jasper fans don’t spread ugly rumors about Rebecca Sugar’s abuse history either, so it’s pretty ironic that WE’RE the ones who condone abuse isn’t it?

tl;dr: You’re honestly disgusting if you’ve EVER tried to make a victim feel bad for liking Jasper, and I sincerely hope you grow up some day and learn that it’s not worth it to harm real people and survivors for the sake of a cartoon. And if you’re a victim who relates to Jasper, believe me when I say you aren’t alone and you aren’t a bad person. Keep doing you. ✌️

beta-kindergarten: Because this is, for whatever reason being discussed again in the tags, here’s just another reminder to everyone, and es...

Being Alone, Fall, and Love: vajeentambourine Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid. Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor... It took me a long time to realize that it's okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth and that's a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven't processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn't make their behavior acceptable, and it's okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don't have to forgive every mistake. I want you to know that it's okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I've ever gone through. it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart's natural state But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health I know what it's like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone. Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
Being Alone, Fall, and Love: vajeentambourine
 Your mixed feelings about your
 parents are valid.
 Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes
 of emotional labor... It took me a long time to realize that it's okay to have mixed
 feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them
 Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth
 and that's a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely
 close to them
 Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing
 you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents
 manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental
 illness
 Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of
 emotional manipulation because they haven't processed their own traumas and
 are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn't make their behavior
 acceptable, and it's okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You
 don't have to forgive every mistake.
 I want you to know that it's okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart
 from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making
 the right decision
 Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one
 of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I've ever gone through. it hurts to
 try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It
 feels disingenuous to your heart's natural state
 But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not
 abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental,
 and spiritual health
 I know what it's like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and
 anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional
 labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.
 Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.