🔥 | Latest

Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, Xxx: OK, so, our that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those XX: A true programmer
Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
 Based on a true story:
 build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know,
 Xxx: OK, so, our
 that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything
 - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
 xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
 xxx: You're gonna love this
 xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
 from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
 after 9pm with his login.
 xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
 "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
 to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
 xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
 work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
 sessions on the server at 8:45am.
 xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to
 our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
 running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
 another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
 the dudes desk.
 xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
 XX:
A true programmer

A true programmer

Facebook, Fanta, and Job Interview: Remember, every question is a test so when they say "How are you?" reply "Goal ori tated, thank you." Make a point of mentioning you failed Reli- gious Studies and say The only thing I wor- ship is productivity." 2 thumbs up. Show you're good at delegating respon bility by sending someone else to the in terview Employers check Facebook accounts so make sure all your photos show you looking at a spreadsheet and punching the air. Always make eye contact and if you have two interviewers, train your eyes to work independently like a chameleon. Tell them you're not an applicánt, you're a appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against buttock. Make sizzling noise. When asked why you'd be suited to the job, pass an ancient scroll along the desk& say It was foretold." Stare at them. If you're meeting 3 interviewers, bring in a 4 finger Kitkat. Take charge of di ng Kitkat to emphasise leadership. If asked where you see yourself in 5 yrs time, tip them out of their chair, sit on it & say 'Here'. Break open a Fanta. At the beginning, try to make small talk with your interviewer such as "lovely day!" or "you look like my real father. When asked to describe yourself in 5 words say "Atrocious counting skills". Laugh. Open packet of Mini Eggs. When asked if you found the place OK, say I was driven here by cab. Normally of course I'm driven by results!" 4 winks Know the interviewer's name and use it during the interview. If you're not sure what it is, call them Jobsy" or "Jobbo". THE META PICTURE awesomesthesia: Some Good Job Interview Tips
nsfw
Facebook, Fanta, and Job Interview: Remember, every question is a test so when
 they say "How are you?" reply "Goal ori
 tated, thank you."
 Make a point of mentioning you failed Reli-
 gious Studies and say The only thing I wor-
 ship is productivity." 2 thumbs up.
 Show you're good at delegating respon
 bility by sending someone else to the in
 terview
 Employers check Facebook accounts so
 make sure all your photos show you looking
 at a spreadsheet and punching the air.
 Always make eye contact and if you have
 two interviewers, train your eyes to
 work independently like a chameleon.
 Tell them you're not an applicánt, you're a
 appliCAN. Lick your finger, hold it against
 buttock. Make sizzling noise.
 When asked why you'd be suited to the job,
 pass an ancient scroll along the desk& say
 It was foretold." Stare at them.
 If you're meeting 3 interviewers, bring in a 4
 finger Kitkat. Take charge of di
 ng
 Kitkat to emphasise leadership.
 If asked where you see yourself in 5 yrs
 time, tip them out of their chair, sit on it &
 say 'Here'. Break open a Fanta.
 At the beginning, try to make small talk
 with your interviewer such as "lovely day!"
 or "you look like my real father.
 When asked to describe yourself in 5 words
 say "Atrocious counting skills". Laugh. Open
 packet of Mini Eggs.
 When asked if you found the place OK, say
 I was driven here by cab. Normally of
 course I'm driven by results!" 4 winks
 Know the interviewer's name and use it
 during the interview. If you're not sure
 what it is, call them Jobsy" or "Jobbo".
 THE META PICTURE
awesomesthesia:

Some Good Job Interview Tips

awesomesthesia: Some Good Job Interview Tips