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Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

Be Like, Children, and Definitely: 48% 6:32 4G Thu., 8 Nov. 2018, 8:45 pm Ok ok. Valid point about the nudes but think about this... As you said 84 years later the movie titanic was made, it pulled an amazing $2.187 billion in the box office, won 11 Oscars and was the real birth of the great actor, Leonardo DiCaprio. A movie like that is remembered, not for the nudes but the love story that these nudes helped blossem into the romance of the century, envied by many. Not only could these nudes be the start of your own great romance but think about the royalties your own film could bring in another 84 years... Catherine, 24 Yes yes I hear you "but I won't be around for the royalties in 84 years" but Catherine.... Your children will reap the Australian Catholic University 11 km away benefits for years, so Catherine dont do it for me, don't do it for you... But do it for our children! Why won't I send you nudes? Let me remind you of this little movie called Thu., 8 Nov. 2018, 11:46 pm Titanic... a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one This is far and away the best opener has ever heard of... have ever heard in my 23 years on this Locks the drawing in a safe in a boat and THAT BOAT SINKS. And somehow 84 years later, the planet, I read it to my mum. Not even kidding. And she briefly discussed with me the idea of sending you a nude still ends up on television. No one is safe. nude purely for the comedic value of this message! What would it be like to date me? Ever ordered You've just clocked tinder, well done 10 nuggets and gotten 11 70O sir And the thought of setting our children up for life, now that's definitely tempting :p E42 Do it for the kids!!
Be Like, Children, and Definitely: 48%
 6:32
 4G
 Thu., 8 Nov. 2018, 8:45 pm
 Ok ok. Valid point about the nudes but
 think about this...
 As you said 84 years later the movie
 titanic was made, it pulled an amazing
 $2.187 billion in the box office, won
 11 Oscars and was the real birth of
 the great actor, Leonardo DiCaprio.
 A movie like that is remembered, not
 for the nudes but the love story that
 these nudes helped blossem into the
 romance of the century, envied by
 many. Not only could these nudes be
 the start of your own great romance
 but think about the royalties your own
 film could bring in another 84 years...
 Catherine, 24
 Yes yes I hear you "but I won't be
 around for the royalties in 84 years" but
 Catherine.... Your children will reap the
 Australian Catholic University
 11 km away
 benefits for years, so Catherine dont do
 it for me, don't do it for you... But do it
 for our children!
 Why won't I send you nudes?
 Let me remind you of this little movie called
 Thu., 8 Nov. 2018, 11:46 pm
 Titanic... a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn
 in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one
 This is far and away the best opener
 has ever heard of...
 have ever heard in my 23 years on this
 Locks the drawing in a safe in a boat and THAT
 BOAT SINKS. And somehow 84 years later, the
 planet, I read it to my mum. Not even
 kidding. And she briefly discussed
 with me the idea of sending you a
 nude still ends up on television.
 No one is safe.
 nude purely for the comedic value of
 this message!
 What would it be like to date me? Ever ordered
 You've just clocked tinder, well done
 10 nuggets and gotten 11 70O
 sir
 And the thought of setting our children
 up for life, now that's definitely
 tempting :p
 E42
Do it for the kids!!

Do it for the kids!!

Target, Tumblr, and Blog: OK rosswoodpark: gayasterix:this episode gave us gay rights AND literally the funniest 30 seconds ever put on television
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: OK
rosswoodpark:

gayasterix:this episode gave us gay rights AND literally the funniest 30 seconds ever put on television

rosswoodpark: gayasterix:this episode gave us gay rights AND literally the funniest 30 seconds ever put on television

Tumblr, Blog, and Television: lxvethevoid:emerson barrett (szn 02, ep 02 of royal television)
Tumblr, Blog, and Television: lxvethevoid:emerson barrett (szn 02, ep 02 of royal television)

lxvethevoid:emerson barrett (szn 02, ep 02 of royal television)

Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE I SAlV I'M ITALIAN, EVERYONE KEEP4 TEA IN ME AND AGKING IF I'M IN THE MAFIA NEXT TIME TELL THEM THEN THEY WILL FEAK YOU. 2srooky: giancarlovolpe: Based on a true story. this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family.  I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world.  Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen.  I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia. So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck.  And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc. Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes.  He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went.  “Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away. I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work.  When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face.  These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos.  I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle.  For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia.  I never told them I wasn’t, either.
Best Friend, Confused, and Dad: MAMMA, EVER SINCE
 I SAlV I'M ITALIAN,
 EVERYONE KEEP4
 TEA IN ME AND
 AGKING IF I'M IN THE
 MAFIA

 NEXT TIME
 TELL THEM

 THEN THEY
 WILL FEAK
 YOU.
2srooky:

giancarlovolpe:

Based on a true story.

this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family. 
I’m half German, and my father’s side of the family is full blooded German. My father owns a business that deals with a lot of international calls, and during my early tween years he got a lot of business calls at all hours of the day and night from all over the world. 
Now, when i first met my best friends, I had them sleeping over at my house, and we were watching TV. Every few minutes the phone would ring, and our caller ID would project at the top of the television screen. 
I was bullied a lot as a kid, so my dad told me to tell people if they asked what my father did, that he was in the German Mafia.
So, naturally when my friends asked who was calling, I made the joke it was business cause my dad was in the German Mafia, and the joke stuck. 
And it spread, too. Middle school was filled with jokes about my family and the mafia, but they were just jokes. That I was in the mafia, my dad was a mafia boss, etc. etc.
Those jokes continued into high school, where, in my junior year I was in a big depressive spell. I wore my hair tied back from my face a lot, and in my history class, these jokes were cracked a little more often as we began our European Studies. One day, my History teacher, the most amazing teacher I had in high school, walked between me and my best friend, as our desks were right next to each other, while we had been making one of these jokes. 
He paused, and reached out, tapping my right temple twice while a huge, cheeky grin spread on his face and he just went. 
“Good to see you finished your induction.” and walked away.
I was confused, my best friend and I were staring at each other for a solid ten minutes before we got back to work. 
When I went home that night, I looked up a bunch of stuff about the German Mafia. The German Mafia would often do a tattoo of 3 dots on someone once they had finished their “trials” and were accepted. This was most often done in cases of murder, and other crimes. Where the tattoos were placed meant different things. Hands were the norm, but sometimes a tattoo would be placed on the face. 
These tattoos are now mostly outdated, and are usually just prison tattoos done for years/crimes committed in prison, but some branches of Russian, Cuban, and German mafias still use the three dot tattoos. 
I was flabbergasted for two reasons. One, that my teacher knew all of this about the German mafia, and, Two, that he pointed out the three freckles on my temple that make a perfect triangle. 
For the rest of my Junior and Senior year, the mafia jokes dwindled less and less, because people actually believed I was in the mafia. 
I never told them I wasn’t, either.

2srooky: giancarlovolpe: Based on a true story. this reminds me of a story that’s kind of an ongoing joke in my family.  I’m half German,...

Being Alone, Amazon, and College: did you know? There's an app that pays people to go online. Nielsen, the organization that does TV ratings, now measures the popularity of websites and online videos. To do that, they'll pay you just to 1.) Join the Nielsen panel at InternetPanel.org 2.) Get the free app on your phone/computer, 3.) Use the internet the same way you do now. It's that simple! Panel members receive cash and Amazon gift cards just to use the internet. nielsen PHOTO: INTERNETPANEL.ORG DID YOU KNOW? collegehackable: cntnd: zarb: You guys, I looked into it and this is legitimate. According to Wikipedia, Nielsen has been a trusted name since the 1920s, first measuring what radio stations people listened to. In the 1950s, they got into television ratings and now they’re measuring the popularity of stuff online. I can’t believe they’re gonna start paying me to watch youtube videos… I’m truly living in 3019 It took me less than 5 minutes to sign up here GUYS… in 2019 we live in 3019 I usually scroll past these sorta posts, but I know a lot of broke college kids follow me and want someone to verify if this is real. After doing my homework, I learned that the Nielsen internet panel is undeniably real. (Source: TV Technology) If you’re worried about what data they collect, this is from Nielsen’s website: TL;DR they only want to know what websites you visit, how long you spend on those sites, etc. and they NEVER collect sensitive data such as usernames, passwords, login information, bank, or credit card information. Facebook already collects (and sells) your data. The difference is that Nielsen wants to pay you and they’re not sneaky about it. So yes, you can quite literally get paid to watch youtube videos. Pro-Tip: to make the most money, you guys should join the panel on your computer AND your phone because you can earn more for multiple devices. Besides regular rewards, Nielsen gives away $10,000 cash each month. You could receive a thousand dollars in one month from the sweepstakes alone. If you keep Nielsen on your computer, you’ll be automatically entered into their monthly sweepstakes, so the app is a must-have on laptop or desktop. Two people win $1000 each month and four hundred people win cash prizes. Another reason to add multiple devices is that annually they will pay you $50 per mobile device you connect, so it pays to put Nielsen on all your devices, even that old phone in a drawer somewhere if it’ll turn on. Tablets work too, as do iPods and E-Readers.
Being Alone, Amazon, and College: did you know?
 There's an app that pays people to go online.
 Nielsen, the organization that does TV ratings,
 now measures the popularity of websites and
 online videos. To do that, they'll pay you just to
 1.) Join the Nielsen panel at InternetPanel.org
 2.) Get the free app on your phone/computer,
 3.) Use the internet the same way you do now.
 It's that simple! Panel members receive cash
 and Amazon gift cards just to use the internet.
 nielsen
 PHOTO: INTERNETPANEL.ORG
 DID YOU KNOW?
collegehackable:
cntnd:

zarb:

You guys, I looked into it and this is legitimate. According to Wikipedia, Nielsen has been a trusted name since the 1920s, first measuring what radio stations people listened to. In the 1950s, they got into television ratings and now they’re measuring the popularity of stuff online. I can’t believe they’re gonna start paying me to watch youtube videos… I’m truly living in 3019
It took me less than 5 minutes to sign up here

GUYS… in 2019 we live in 3019

I usually scroll past these sorta posts, but I know a lot of broke college kids follow me and want someone to verify if this is real. After doing my homework, I learned that the Nielsen internet panel is undeniably real.
(Source: TV Technology)
If you’re worried about what data they collect, this is from Nielsen’s website:
TL;DR they only want to know what websites you visit, how long you spend on those sites, etc. and they NEVER collect sensitive data such as usernames, passwords, login information, bank, or credit card information.
Facebook already collects (and sells) your data. The difference is that Nielsen wants to pay you and they’re not sneaky about it. So yes, you can quite literally get paid to watch youtube videos.
Pro-Tip: to make the most money, you guys should join the panel on your computer AND your phone because you can earn more for multiple devices. Besides regular rewards, Nielsen gives away $10,000 cash each month. You could receive a thousand dollars in one month from the sweepstakes alone. If you keep Nielsen on your computer, you’ll be automatically entered into their monthly sweepstakes, so the app is a must-have on laptop or desktop. Two people win $1000 each month and four hundred people win cash prizes. Another reason to add multiple devices is that 

annually they will pay you $50 per mobile device you connect, so it pays to put Nielsen on all your devices, even that old phone in a drawer somewhere if it’ll turn on. Tablets work too, as do iPods and E-Readers.

collegehackable: cntnd: zarb: You guys, I looked into it and this is legitimate. According to Wikipedia, Nielsen has been a trusted name s...

Blade, Blessed, and Books: The Elder Scrolls III The elder Scrolls MORROWINTD MORROWIND e9 Do not mm ORK Media company.The Elder Scrolls, Morrowind Bink Video, Copynight 1997-2001 by RAD Game of the Year Edition mvention of copy pro strictly prohibited.Confide SAFETY INFORMATION TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction Main Menu Gameplay Controls The Game Screen Stats Menu Inventory Menu Magic Menu Map Menu Races Attributes Derived Attributes Combat Arts ABOUT PHOTOSENSITIVE SEIZURES A very small percentage of people may visual images, including flashing lights or patterns that may appear Even people who have no history of seizures or epilepsy may have a condition that can cause these photosensitve epileptic seizures while watching video experience a seizure when exposed to certain in video games. n undiagnosed These seizures may have a variety of symptoms including: lightheadedness vision, eye or face twitching, jerking or shaking of arms or legs, disorientation entation confusion, or momentary loss of awareness. Seizures may also cause loss of consciousness or convulsions that can lead to injury from falling down or strikina nearby objects. 16 mmediately stop playing and consult a doctor if you experience any of these symptoms Parents should watch for or ask their children about hildren and teenagers are more likely than adults to experience these seizures. The the above symptoms. 19 Stealth Arts of photosensitive epileptic seizures may be reduced by sitting farther from the using a smaller television screen, playing in a well-lit room, and not Combat Classes Magic Classes Stealth Classes en you are drowsy or fatigued of your relatives have a history of seizures or epilepsy, consult a doctor Increasing Your Skills and Leveling Up Weapons R IMPORTANT HEALTH AND SAFETY INFORMATION 28 29 30 .30 30 ox Instruction Manual contains important safety and health information that Using Weapons, Repairing Weapons & Armor u should read and understand before using this software School of Conjuration VOID DAMAGE TO YOUR TELEVISION School of Illusion School of Destruction not use with certain televisions. Some televisions, especially front- or rear-projection pes, can be damaged if any video games, including Xbox games, are played on them. tatic images presented during the normal course of game play may burn in to the creen, causing a permanent shadow of the static image to appear at all times, even when video games are not being played. Similar damage may occur from static images eated when placing a video game on hold or pause. Consult your television owner's nanual to determine if video games can be safely played safely on your set. If you are unable to find this information in the owner's manual, contact your television dealer or School of Restoration School of Mysticism School of Alteration Abilities, Powers, Diseases, Spells. 34 35 36 Magic Items, Magic Scrolls Spellmaking Enchanting 39 the manufacturer to determine if video games can be played safely on your set. I Unauthorized copying, reverse engineering, transmission, public performance, rental, Potions, Alchemy Stealth pay for play, or circumvention of copy protection is strictly prohibited 42 Books, Journal. Containers, Resting and Waiting, Fast Travel, Crime and Jail. Loading and Saving Preferences Credits .46 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind The Elder ScI: Morrowind CREATING YOUR CHARACTER When you first start, you mu entered in your Name, you'l be asked to select a Race, Class, and Bithsign ist decide what kind of player you will be. After you've DARK ELF In the Empire, "Dark Elf is the common usage, but in their Morrowind homeland, they call themselves the "Dunmer." The dark-skinned, red-eyed Dunmer combine powerful intellect with strong and agile physiques, producing superior warriors and sorcerers. On the battlefield, Dark Elves are noted for their skilled and balanced integration of swordsmen, marksmen, and war wizards. RACES You may choose from 10 races commonly encountered in MORROWIND. Since each race has unique abilities, selecting your race is one of the most important decisions vou'll make. ARGONIAN Little is known and less is understood about the reptilian denizens of Black Marsh. Years of defending their borders have made the Argonians experts in guerilla warfare, and their Skill Bonuses: Long Blade +5, Destruction +10, Light Armor +5, Athletics +5, Mysticism +5, Marksman +5, Short Blade +10 Specials: Ancestor Guardian, Resistant to Fire natural abilities make them equally at home in water and on land. They are well suited for the treacherous swamps of their homeland, and have developed natural immunities to the diseases and poisons that have doomed many would-be explorers of the region. HIGH ELF The High Elves, or Altmer, are the proud, tall, golden- skinned peoples of Summerset Isle. The common tongue of the Empire, Tamrielic, is based on their speech and writing, and most of the Empire's arts, crafts, and sciences are derived from High Elven traditions. Deft, intelligent, and strong-willed, High Elves are often gifted in the arcane arts, and are far more resistant to disease than the lesser races. Skill Bonuses: Alchemy +5, Athletics +15,Illusion +5, Medium Armor +5, Mysticism +5 Spear +5, Unarmored+5 Specials: Resist Disease, Immune to Poison, Water Breathing Skill: Destruction +10, Enchant +10, Alchemy +10, Alteration +5, Conjuration +5,Illusion +5 Specials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Weakness to Magicka, Fire, Frost, and Shock, Resistant to Disease BRETON Bretons feel an inborn, instinctive bond with the mercurial forces of magic and the supernatural. Many great sorcerers have IMPERIAL Natives of the civilized, cosmopolitan province of Cyrodiil, the Imperials are well-educated and well- spoken. Though physically less imposing than the other races, the Imperials have proved to be shrewd diplomats and traders. These traits, along with their remarkable skill and training as light infantry, have enabled them to subdue all the other provinces and to have erected the monument to peace and prosperity that comprises the Glorious Empire. from the home province of High Rock, and in addition to their quick and perceptive grasp of spellcraft, enchantment, and alchemy, even the humblest of Bretons boast a high resistance to destructive and dominating magical energies. Skill Bonuses: Conjuration +10, Mysticism +10, Restoration +10, Alchemy +5, Alteration +5 Illusion +5 pecials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Dragon Skin, Resist Magicka SKILL BONUSES: Speechcraft+10, Mercantile+10, Long Blade +10, Blunt Weapon +S, Light Armor +5, Hand to Hand +5 SPECIALS: Star of the West, Voice of the Emperor The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind 13 The Elder crlsIII: Morowind BIRTHSIGNS In Tamriel, persons born under certain constellations are said to be fortunate in their aspects', Such persons are often blessed-or cursed- with remarkable abilities or weaknesses as a result of the magical conjunctions of celestíal influences. STEALTH SPECIALIZED CLASSES THIEVES Thieves are pickpockets and pilferers. Unlike robbers, who kill and loot, thieves typically choose stealth and subterfuge over violence, and often entertain romantic notions of their charm and in their acquisitive activities cleverness THE APPRENTICE Those bom under the sign of The Apprentice have increased Magicka, but also have a weakness to it. AGENTS atives skilled in deception and avoidance, but dasTHE ATRONACH trained in self-defense and the use of deadly force. Self-reliant and independent, agents devote themselves to personal goals, or to various patrons or causes. Those born under the sign of The Atronach cannot regenerate Magicka, but have a chance of absorbing any magic cast at them. THE LADY Those born under the sign of The Lady have increased Endurande and Personality. ASSASSINS Assassins are killers who rely on stealth and mobility to approach victims undetected. Execution is performed with ranged weapons or with short blades for close work. Assassins can be ruthless murderers or principled agents of noble causes. THE LORD Those born under the sign of The Lord can regenerate Health, but are weak to fire THE LOVER Those born under the sign of The Lover have increased Agility and can paralyze others with a kiss. ACROBATS Acrobať' is a polite euphemism for agile burglars and second-story men, These thieves avoid detection by stealth, and rely on mobility and cunning to avoid capture. THE MAGE Those born under the sign of The Mage have increased Magicka. MONKS Monks are students of the ancient martial arts of hand-to-hand combat and unarmored self-defense. Monks avoid detection by stealth, mobility, and agility, and are skilled with a variety of ranged and close-combat weapons. THE RITUAL Those born under the sign of The Ritual can heal themselves and turn undead. THE SERPENT Those born under the sign of The Serpent can poison others at a loss of PILGRIMS Pilgrims are travelers, seekers of truth and enlightenment. They fortify themselves for road and wilderness with arms, armor, and magic, and through wide experience of the world, they become shrewd in commerce and persuasion their own Health. THE SHADOW Those born under the sign of The Shadow can make themselves invisible. THE STEED Those born under the sign of The Steed can move faster BARDS Bards are loremasters and storytellers. They crave adventure for the wisdom and insight to be gained, and must depend on sword shield, spell, and enchantment to preserve them from the perils of their educational experiences THE THIEF Those born under the sign of The Thief are harder to hit. THE TOWER detect things at a distance. Those born under the sign of The Warrior have an increased chance Those born under the sign of The Tower can unlock doors magically and THE WARRIOR 25 I miss the days when games came with manuals
Blade, Blessed, and Books: The Elder Scrolls III
 The elder Scrolls
 MORROWINTD
 MORROWIND
 e9
 Do not mm
 ORK
 Media company.The Elder Scrolls, Morrowind
 Bink Video, Copynight 1997-2001 by RAD
 Game of the Year Edition
 mvention of copy pro
 strictly prohibited.Confide

 SAFETY INFORMATION
 TABLE OF CONTENTS
 Introduction
 Main Menu
 Gameplay Controls
 The Game Screen
 Stats Menu
 Inventory Menu
 Magic Menu
 Map Menu
 Races
 Attributes
 Derived Attributes
 Combat Arts
 ABOUT PHOTOSENSITIVE SEIZURES
 A very small percentage of people may
 visual images, including flashing lights or patterns that may appear
 Even people who have no history of seizures or epilepsy may have a
 condition that can cause these photosensitve epileptic seizures while watching video
 experience a seizure when exposed to certain
 in video games.
 n undiagnosed
 These seizures may have a variety of symptoms including: lightheadedness
 vision, eye or face twitching, jerking or shaking of arms or legs, disorientation
 entation
 confusion, or momentary loss of awareness. Seizures may also cause loss of
 consciousness or convulsions that can lead to injury from falling down or strikina
 nearby objects.
 16
 mmediately stop playing and consult a doctor if you experience any of these
 symptoms Parents should watch for or ask their children about
 hildren and teenagers are more likely than adults to experience these seizures. The
 the above symptoms.
 19
 Stealth Arts
 of photosensitive epileptic seizures may be reduced by sitting farther from the
 using a smaller television screen, playing in a well-lit room, and not
 Combat Classes
 Magic Classes
 Stealth Classes
 en you are drowsy or fatigued
 of your relatives have a history of seizures or epilepsy, consult a doctor
 Increasing Your Skills and Leveling Up
 Weapons
 R IMPORTANT HEALTH AND SAFETY INFORMATION
 28
 29
 30
 .30
 30
 ox Instruction Manual contains important safety and health information that
 Using Weapons, Repairing Weapons & Armor
 u should read and understand before using this software
 School of Conjuration
 VOID DAMAGE TO YOUR TELEVISION
 School of Illusion
 School of Destruction
 not use with certain televisions. Some televisions, especially front- or rear-projection
 pes, can be damaged if any video games, including Xbox games, are played on them.
 tatic images presented during the normal course of game play may burn in to the
 creen, causing a permanent shadow of the static image to appear at all times, even
 when video games are not being played. Similar damage may occur from static images
 eated when placing a video game on hold or pause. Consult your television owner's
 nanual to determine if video games can be safely played safely on your set. If you are
 unable to find this information in the owner's manual, contact your television dealer or
 School of Restoration
 School of Mysticism
 School of Alteration
 Abilities, Powers, Diseases, Spells.
 34
 35
 36
 Magic Items, Magic Scrolls
 Spellmaking
 Enchanting
 39
 the manufacturer to determine if video games can be played safely on your set.
 I Unauthorized copying, reverse engineering, transmission, public performance, rental,
 Potions, Alchemy
 Stealth
 pay for play, or circumvention of copy protection is strictly prohibited
 42
 Books, Journal.
 Containers, Resting and Waiting, Fast Travel, Crime and Jail.
 Loading and Saving
 Preferences
 Credits
 .46
 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
 The Elder ScI: Morrowind

 CREATING YOUR CHARACTER
 When you first start, you mu
 entered in your Name, you'l be asked to select a Race, Class, and Bithsign
 ist decide what kind of player you will be. After you've
 DARK ELF
 In the Empire, "Dark Elf is the common
 usage, but in their Morrowind homeland,
 they call themselves the "Dunmer." The
 dark-skinned, red-eyed Dunmer combine
 powerful intellect with strong and agile
 physiques, producing superior warriors and
 sorcerers. On the battlefield, Dark Elves are
 noted for their skilled and balanced
 integration of swordsmen, marksmen, and
 war wizards.
 RACES
 You may choose from 10 races commonly encountered in MORROWIND. Since each
 race has unique abilities, selecting your race is one of the most important decisions
 vou'll make.
 ARGONIAN
 Little is known and less is understood about the
 reptilian denizens of Black Marsh. Years of
 defending their borders have made the
 Argonians experts in guerilla warfare, and their
 Skill Bonuses: Long Blade +5, Destruction +10, Light Armor +5, Athletics +5, Mysticism +5,
 Marksman +5, Short Blade +10
 Specials: Ancestor Guardian, Resistant to Fire
 natural abilities make them equally at home in
 water and on land. They are well suited for the
 treacherous swamps of their homeland, and
 have developed natural immunities to the
 diseases and poisons that have doomed many
 would-be explorers of the region.
 HIGH ELF
 The High Elves, or Altmer, are the proud, tall, golden-
 skinned peoples of Summerset Isle. The common
 tongue of the Empire, Tamrielic, is based on their
 speech and writing, and most of the Empire's arts,
 crafts, and sciences are derived from High Elven
 traditions. Deft, intelligent, and strong-willed, High
 Elves are often gifted in the arcane arts, and are far
 more resistant to disease than the lesser races.
 Skill Bonuses: Alchemy +5, Athletics +15,Illusion +5, Medium Armor +5, Mysticism +5
 Spear +5, Unarmored+5
 Specials: Resist Disease, Immune to Poison, Water Breathing
 Skill: Destruction +10, Enchant +10, Alchemy +10, Alteration +5, Conjuration +5,Illusion +5
 Specials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Weakness to Magicka, Fire, Frost, and Shock,
 Resistant to Disease
 BRETON
 Bretons feel an inborn, instinctive bond
 with the mercurial forces of magic and the
 supernatural. Many great sorcerers have
 IMPERIAL
 Natives of the civilized, cosmopolitan province of
 Cyrodiil, the Imperials are well-educated and well-
 spoken. Though physically less imposing than the
 other races, the Imperials have proved to be shrewd
 diplomats and traders. These traits, along with their
 remarkable skill and training as light infantry, have
 enabled them to subdue all the other provinces and
 to have erected the monument to peace and
 prosperity that comprises the Glorious Empire.
 from the home province of High
 Rock, and in addition to their quick and
 perceptive grasp of spellcraft, enchantment,
 and alchemy, even the humblest of Bretons
 boast a high resistance to destructive and
 dominating magical energies.
 Skill Bonuses: Conjuration +10, Mysticism +10, Restoration +10, Alchemy +5, Alteration +5
 Illusion +5
 pecials: Fortified Maximum Magicka, Dragon Skin, Resist Magicka
 SKILL BONUSES: Speechcraft+10, Mercantile+10, Long Blade +10, Blunt Weapon +S,
 Light Armor +5, Hand to Hand +5
 SPECIALS: Star of the West, Voice of the Emperor
 The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
 13
 The Elder crlsIII: Morowind

 BIRTHSIGNS
 In Tamriel, persons born under certain constellations are said to be fortunate in their
 aspects', Such persons are often blessed-or cursed- with remarkable abilities or
 weaknesses as a result of the magical conjunctions of celestíal influences.
 STEALTH SPECIALIZED CLASSES
 THIEVES
 Thieves are pickpockets and pilferers. Unlike robbers, who kill and
 loot, thieves typically choose stealth and subterfuge over violence,
 and often entertain romantic notions of their charm and
 in their acquisitive activities
 cleverness
 THE APPRENTICE
 Those bom under the sign of The Apprentice have increased Magicka, but
 also have a weakness to it.
 AGENTS
 atives skilled in deception and avoidance, but
 dasTHE ATRONACH
 trained in self-defense and the use of deadly force. Self-reliant and
 independent, agents devote themselves to personal goals, or to
 various patrons or causes.
 Those born under the sign of The Atronach cannot regenerate Magicka, but
 have a chance of absorbing any magic cast at them.
 THE LADY
 Those born under the sign of The Lady have increased Endurande
 and Personality.
 ASSASSINS
 Assassins are killers who rely on stealth and mobility to approach
 victims undetected. Execution is performed with ranged weapons
 or with short blades for close work. Assassins can be ruthless
 murderers or principled agents of noble causes.
 THE LORD
 Those born under the sign of The Lord can regenerate Health, but are weak
 to fire
 THE LOVER
 Those born under the sign of The Lover have increased Agility and can
 paralyze others with a kiss.
 ACROBATS
 Acrobať' is a polite euphemism for agile burglars and second-story
 men, These thieves avoid detection by stealth, and rely on mobility
 and cunning to avoid capture.
 THE MAGE
 Those born under the sign of The Mage have increased Magicka.
 MONKS
 Monks are students of the ancient martial arts of hand-to-hand
 combat and unarmored self-defense. Monks avoid detection by
 stealth, mobility, and agility, and are skilled with a variety of
 ranged and close-combat weapons.
 THE RITUAL
 Those born under the sign of The Ritual can heal themselves and
 turn undead.
 THE SERPENT
 Those born under the sign of The Serpent can poison others at a loss of
 PILGRIMS
 Pilgrims are travelers, seekers of truth and enlightenment. They
 fortify themselves for road and wilderness with arms, armor, and
 magic, and through wide experience of the world, they become
 shrewd in commerce and persuasion
 their own Health.
 THE SHADOW
 Those born under the sign of The Shadow can make themselves invisible.
 THE STEED
 Those born under the sign of The Steed can move faster
 BARDS
 Bards are loremasters and storytellers. They crave adventure for the
 wisdom and insight to be gained, and must depend on sword
 shield, spell, and enchantment to preserve them from the perils of
 their educational experiences
 THE THIEF
 Those born under the sign of The Thief are harder to hit.
 THE TOWER
 detect things at a distance.
 Those born under the sign of The Warrior have an increased chance
 Those born under the sign of The Tower can unlock doors magically and
 THE WARRIOR
 25
I miss the days when games came with manuals

I miss the days when games came with manuals