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teeth: inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
teeth: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: so...

teeth: Just got my wisdom teeth out but have a dump
teeth: Just got my wisdom teeth out but have a dump

Just got my wisdom teeth out but have a dump

teeth: Death awaits you all, with nasty, big, pointy teeth
teeth: Death awaits you all, with nasty, big, pointy teeth

Death awaits you all, with nasty, big, pointy teeth

teeth: baby teeth. [oc]
teeth: baby teeth. [oc]

baby teeth. [oc]

teeth: baby teeth.
teeth: baby teeth.

baby teeth.

teeth: baby teeth.
teeth: baby teeth.

baby teeth.

teeth: takamatsu-kun: Can I please just talk about MCU Proxima Midnight I love her so much and have SO MANY feelings about her aaaaah Y’all know I love reinterpreting Marvel aliens I like so here are some notes on my design of her because I love coming up with alien physiology/biology:- I turned her warpaint into facial markings so that’s just her skin now- She got a lot of markings tbh because I want them- She’s got very fine scales as opposed to human like skin, cream colored scales are a lot finer and harder to see, you can’t really tell unless you’re looking VERY closely (which means soft tummy huehuehue) skin texture’s similar to a snake in terms of feel but the scales are fairly tough, especially the closer you get to the spine.- Back spines can raise and lower like hackles but can also be ‘locked’ down when she needs to wear something (tho they’ll flare up when any feelings are at level 100)- Shiny blue iridescence that’s primarily confined to the darkest blue scales- “White” scales are really just blue reflecting the light so she has that shimmery night sky look because hello somebody- Light blue lines are for regulating body temperature- particularly for cooling. Skin is very thin there with blood vessels being close to the surface (hence why they’re blue bc her blood is a light blue color) to let off heat. The vents can expand and contract based on whether she needs to hold or release body heat. (She’s been described in canon to have a really low body temperature, actually feeling cold to the touch so she’s constantly venting heat through cooling her blood.) They’re also very sensitive ofc, important information.- Sharp nails - Also sharp teeth because I must remain on brand- And ofc she’s buff as hell HNNNNNNNNN BUFF ❤️❤️❤️❤️
teeth: takamatsu-kun:



Can I please just talk about MCU Proxima Midnight I love her so much and have SO MANY feelings about her aaaaah

Y’all know I love reinterpreting Marvel aliens I like so here are some notes on my design of her because I love coming up with alien physiology/biology:- I turned her warpaint into facial markings so that’s just her skin now- She got a lot of markings tbh because I want them- She’s got very fine scales as opposed to human like skin, cream colored scales are a lot finer and harder to see, you can’t really tell unless you’re looking VERY closely (which means soft tummy huehuehue) skin texture’s similar to a snake in terms of feel but the scales are fairly tough, especially the closer you get to the spine.- Back spines can raise and lower like hackles but can also be ‘locked’ down when she needs to wear something (tho they’ll flare up when any feelings are at level 100)- Shiny blue iridescence that’s primarily confined to the darkest blue scales- “White” scales are really just blue reflecting the light so she has that shimmery night sky look because hello somebody- Light blue lines are for regulating body temperature- particularly for cooling. Skin is very thin there with blood vessels being close to the surface (hence why they’re blue bc her blood is a light blue color) to let off heat. The vents can expand and contract based on whether she needs to hold or release body heat. (She’s been described in canon to have a really low body temperature, actually feeling cold to the touch so she’s constantly venting heat through cooling her blood.) They’re also very sensitive ofc, important information.- Sharp nails - Also sharp teeth because I must remain on brand- And ofc she’s buff as hell


HNNNNNNNNN BUFF ❤️❤️❤️❤️

takamatsu-kun: Can I please just talk about MCU Proxima Midnight I love her so much and have SO MANY feelings about her aaaaah Y’all...

teeth: dog-teeth:procrastination !
teeth: dog-teeth:procrastination !

dog-teeth:procrastination !

teeth: cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER
teeth: cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the g...

teeth: dog-teeth: i think angels and demons should have gay sex with each other
teeth: dog-teeth:

i think angels and demons should have gay sex with each other

dog-teeth: i think angels and demons should have gay sex with each other

teeth: tinderventure: After this he told me to ‘fix my teeth goofy’ I have a small gap LOL
teeth: tinderventure:

After this he told me to ‘fix my teeth goofy’ I have a small gap LOL

tinderventure: After this he told me to ‘fix my teeth goofy’ I have a small gap LOL

teeth: My teeth
teeth: My teeth

My teeth

teeth: poikas: had a few discussions about teeth hcs recently. dont ask why i beat them up for it
teeth: poikas:

had a few discussions about teeth hcs recently. dont ask why i beat them up for it

poikas: had a few discussions about teeth hcs recently. dont ask why i beat them up for it

teeth: feniczoroark: aqueerkettleofish: brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.” Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?”“We.. we don’t know. Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned. She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.” @randomnightlord As a trans girl this button has no negative side effects for me
teeth: feniczoroark:

aqueerkettleofish:

brightlotusmoon:

a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?”“We.. we don’t know.  Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned.  She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.” 



@randomnightlord 


As a trans girl this button has no negative side effects for me

feniczoroark: aqueerkettleofish: brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elven...

teeth: epicjohndoe: Teeth Comic Series
teeth: epicjohndoe:

Teeth Comic Series

epicjohndoe: Teeth Comic Series

teeth: After this he told me to ‘fix my teeth goofy’ I have a small gap LOL
teeth: After this he told me to ‘fix my teeth goofy’ I have a small gap LOL

After this he told me to ‘fix my teeth goofy’ I have a small gap LOL

teeth: Then quickly pass it over to ‘No Teeth’ Terry…
teeth: Then quickly pass it over to ‘No Teeth’ Terry…

Then quickly pass it over to ‘No Teeth’ Terry…

teeth: You better brush your teeth by chuse1995 MORE MEMES
teeth: You better brush your teeth by chuse1995
MORE MEMES

You better brush your teeth by chuse1995 MORE MEMES

teeth: You better brush your teeth
teeth: You better brush your teeth

You better brush your teeth

teeth: iraprince: HI IT’S ME AGAIN YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT
teeth: iraprince:
HI IT’S ME AGAIN
YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT

iraprince: HI IT’S ME AGAIN YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT

teeth: clickbaitcowboy: i guess last night i thought it was important to draw doomguy brushing his teeth
teeth: clickbaitcowboy:

i guess last night i thought it was important to draw doomguy brushing his teeth

clickbaitcowboy: i guess last night i thought it was important to draw doomguy brushing his teeth

teeth: ironwoman359: cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER I love this
teeth: ironwoman359:
cereusblue:

unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER



I love this

ironwoman359: cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: Th...

teeth: penis-hilton: classicmeevs: imerard: she knows im happy for her queen of replacing teeth
teeth: penis-hilton:

classicmeevs:

imerard:

she knows

im happy for her


queen of replacing teeth

penis-hilton: classicmeevs: imerard: she knows im happy for her queen of replacing teeth

teeth: bone app the teeth
teeth: bone app the teeth

bone app the teeth

teeth: bone app the teeth by ThomasJonesy81 MORE MEMES
teeth: bone app the teeth by ThomasJonesy81
MORE MEMES

bone app the teeth by ThomasJonesy81 MORE MEMES

teeth: To be fair the teacher should have just ripped that guys teeth out one by one.
teeth: To be fair the teacher should have just ripped that guys teeth out one by one.

To be fair the teacher should have just ripped that guys teeth out one by one.

teeth: jerry-of-rivia: a simple proposition: give witchers teeth, teeth TEETH
teeth: jerry-of-rivia:

a simple proposition: give witchers teeth, teeth TEETH

jerry-of-rivia: a simple proposition: give witchers teeth, teeth TEETH

teeth: iraprince: HI IT’S ME AGAIN YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT
teeth: iraprince:
HI IT’S ME AGAIN
YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT

iraprince: HI IT’S ME AGAIN YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT

teeth: Less teeth!
teeth: Less teeth!

Less teeth!

teeth: Someone’s out there photoshopping teeth onto babies and it’s my new reason to live
teeth: Someone’s out there photoshopping teeth onto babies and it’s my new reason to live

Someone’s out there photoshopping teeth onto babies and it’s my new reason to live

teeth: Someone’s out there photoshopping teeth onto babies and it’s my new reason to live
teeth: Someone’s out there photoshopping teeth onto babies and it’s my new reason to live

Someone’s out there photoshopping teeth onto babies and it’s my new reason to live

teeth: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material Sit on the floor in front of your dog. Place smaller dogs on your lap. How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand. Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz- zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other. 3 Raise the dog's nose. Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the jaw opens Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw further. Use a stick to scrape out poop from beneath the tread of your shoe. 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth. Close the mouth. Tilt up the chin. Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with swallowing. BGive the dog a treat. BE AWARE! Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow. Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill. Use your band to keep the dog's mouth closed after placing the pill in bis mouth. Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb. Dip shoe bottom into park fountain Page 27 Dry the dog. Emergency Rain Gear 7 Repeat washing, if necessary. This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48 hours before bathing a second time. Cut or tear holes in a plastic shopping bag for the dog's paws and head. Use a kitchen- or yard-sized bag for larger breeds. Carefully slip the bag over the dog's head, and ease the front and WARNING! Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can cause nausea and dizziness in humans. THANK YOU Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take HAVE A NICE DAY to deodorize it. back paws through the Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites holes. How To GIVE A DoG CPR Position the dog on her side. The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the dog is on a firm surface. 2 Kneel next to the dog. B Compress the chest. For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate every five compressions with one breath. For medium to large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath. How To GET RiD oF SKUNK ODOR ON YOUR Doc Keep the dog outside. 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water. 4 Check for a hearthbeat. 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry. The compound used to remove skunk odor 4 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin. After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found, continue with compressions. discolor fab- can 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash. Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf- ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need To give artificial respiration, tilt the dog's bead back, place hand around the muzzle, put your mouth over the nose, and breathe into the dog's more. 5 Apply mixture immediately. Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops, then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists. nose. K YO A NICE novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07
teeth: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material
 Sit on the floor in front of your dog.
 Place smaller dogs on your lap.
 How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe
 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand.
 Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz-
 zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other.
 3 Raise the dog's nose.
 Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the
 jaw opens
 Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your
 dominant hand.
 Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw
 further.
 Use a stick to scrape out poop from
 beneath the tread of your shoe.
 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth.
 Close the mouth.
 Tilt up the chin.
 Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with
 swallowing.
 BGive the dog a treat.
 BE AWARE!
 Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow.
 Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets
 is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines
 become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill.
 Use your band to keep the
 dog's mouth closed after
 placing the pill in bis mouth.
 Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb.
 Dip shoe bottom into park fountain
 Page 27

 Dry the dog.
 Emergency Rain Gear
 7 Repeat washing, if necessary.
 This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48
 hours before bathing a second time.
 Cut or tear holes in
 a plastic shopping
 bag for the dog's
 paws and head. Use a
 kitchen- or yard-sized
 bag for larger breeds.
 Carefully slip the bag
 over the dog's head,
 and ease the front and
 WARNING!
 Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal
 glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet
 furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can
 cause nausea and dizziness in humans.
 THANK YOU
 Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to
 anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take
 HAVE A NICE
 DAY
 to deodorize it.
 back paws through the
 Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites
 holes.
 How To GIVE A DoG CPR
 Position the dog on her side.
 The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the
 dog is on a firm surface.
 2 Kneel next to the dog.
 B Compress the chest.
 For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs
 at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the
 chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate
 every five compressions with one breath. For medium to
 large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top
 of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where
 the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to
 three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com
 pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than
 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once
 per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath.
 How To GET RiD oF SKUNK
 ODOR ON YOUR Doc
 Keep the dog outside.
 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water.
 4 Check for a hearthbeat.
 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry.
 The compound used to remove skunk odor 4
 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin.
 After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found,
 continue with compressions.
 discolor fab-
 can
 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash.
 Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of
 baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients
 will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf-
 ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need
 To give artificial
 respiration, tilt the dog's
 bead back, place hand
 around the muzzle,
 put your mouth over
 the nose, and breathe
 into the dog's
 more.
 5 Apply mixture immediately.
 Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as
 this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or
 outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and
 cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops,
 then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists.
 nose.
 K YO
 A NICE
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

teeth: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material Sit on the floor in front of your dog. Place smaller dogs on your lap. How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand. Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz- zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other. 3 Raise the dog's nose. Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the jaw opens Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw further. Use a stick to scrape out poop from beneath the tread of your shoe. 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth. Close the mouth. Tilt up the chin. Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with swallowing. BGive the dog a treat. BE AWARE! Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow. Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill. Use your band to keep the dog's mouth closed after placing the pill in bis mouth. Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb. Dip shoe bottom into park fountain Page 27 Dry the dog. Emergency Rain Gear 7 Repeat washing, if necessary. This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48 hours before bathing a second time. Cut or tear holes in a plastic shopping bag for the dog's paws and head. Use a kitchen- or yard-sized bag for larger breeds. Carefully slip the bag over the dog's head, and ease the front and WARNING! Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can cause nausea and dizziness in humans. THANK YOU Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take HAVE A NICE DAY to deodorize it. back paws through the Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites holes. How To GIVE A DoG CPR Position the dog on her side. The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the dog is on a firm surface. 2 Kneel next to the dog. B Compress the chest. For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate every five compressions with one breath. For medium to large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath. How To GET RiD oF SKUNK ODOR ON YOUR Doc Keep the dog outside. 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water. 4 Check for a hearthbeat. 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry. The compound used to remove skunk odor 4 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin. After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found, continue with compressions. discolor fab- can 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash. Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf- ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need To give artificial respiration, tilt the dog's bead back, place hand around the muzzle, put your mouth over the nose, and breathe into the dog's more. 5 Apply mixture immediately. Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops, then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists. nose. K YO A NICE novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07
teeth: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material
 Sit on the floor in front of your dog.
 Place smaller dogs on your lap.
 How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe
 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand.
 Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz-
 zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other.
 3 Raise the dog's nose.
 Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the
 jaw opens
 Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your
 dominant hand.
 Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw
 further.
 Use a stick to scrape out poop from
 beneath the tread of your shoe.
 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth.
 Close the mouth.
 Tilt up the chin.
 Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with
 swallowing.
 BGive the dog a treat.
 BE AWARE!
 Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow.
 Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets
 is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines
 become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill.
 Use your band to keep the
 dog's mouth closed after
 placing the pill in bis mouth.
 Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb.
 Dip shoe bottom into park fountain
 Page 27

 Dry the dog.
 Emergency Rain Gear
 7 Repeat washing, if necessary.
 This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48
 hours before bathing a second time.
 Cut or tear holes in
 a plastic shopping
 bag for the dog's
 paws and head. Use a
 kitchen- or yard-sized
 bag for larger breeds.
 Carefully slip the bag
 over the dog's head,
 and ease the front and
 WARNING!
 Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal
 glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet
 furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can
 cause nausea and dizziness in humans.
 THANK YOU
 Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to
 anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take
 HAVE A NICE
 DAY
 to deodorize it.
 back paws through the
 Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites
 holes.
 How To GIVE A DoG CPR
 Position the dog on her side.
 The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the
 dog is on a firm surface.
 2 Kneel next to the dog.
 B Compress the chest.
 For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs
 at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the
 chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate
 every five compressions with one breath. For medium to
 large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top
 of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where
 the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to
 three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com
 pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than
 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once
 per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath.
 How To GET RiD oF SKUNK
 ODOR ON YOUR Doc
 Keep the dog outside.
 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water.
 4 Check for a hearthbeat.
 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry.
 The compound used to remove skunk odor 4
 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin.
 After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found,
 continue with compressions.
 discolor fab-
 can
 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash.
 Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of
 baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients
 will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf-
 ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need
 To give artificial
 respiration, tilt the dog's
 bead back, place hand
 around the muzzle,
 put your mouth over
 the nose, and breathe
 into the dog's
 more.
 5 Apply mixture immediately.
 Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as
 this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or
 outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and
 cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops,
 then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists.
 nose.
 K YO
 A NICE
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

teeth: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material Sit on the floor in front of your dog. Place smaller dogs on your lap. How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand. Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz- zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other. 3 Raise the dog's nose. Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the jaw opens Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw further. Use a stick to scrape out poop from beneath the tread of your shoe. 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth. Close the mouth. Tilt up the chin. Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with swallowing. BGive the dog a treat. BE AWARE! Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow. Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill. Use your band to keep the dog's mouth closed after placing the pill in bis mouth. Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb. Dip shoe bottom into park fountain Page 27 Dry the dog. Emergency Rain Gear 7 Repeat washing, if necessary. This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48 hours before bathing a second time. Cut or tear holes in a plastic shopping bag for the dog's paws and head. Use a kitchen- or yard-sized bag for larger breeds. Carefully slip the bag over the dog's head, and ease the front and WARNING! Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can cause nausea and dizziness in humans. THANK YOU Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take HAVE A NICE DAY to deodorize it. back paws through the Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites holes. How To GIVE A DoG CPR Position the dog on her side. The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the dog is on a firm surface. 2 Kneel next to the dog. B Compress the chest. For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate every five compressions with one breath. For medium to large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath. How To GET RiD oF SKUNK ODOR ON YOUR Doc Keep the dog outside. 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water. 4 Check for a hearthbeat. 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry. The compound used to remove skunk odor 4 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin. After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found, continue with compressions. discolor fab- can 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash. Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf- ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need To give artificial respiration, tilt the dog's bead back, place hand around the muzzle, put your mouth over the nose, and breathe into the dog's more. 5 Apply mixture immediately. Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops, then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists. nose. K YO A NICE novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07
teeth: How TO GIVEA DoG A PIL opyrighted Material
 Sit on the floor in front of your dog.
 Place smaller dogs on your lap.
 How to Clean Dog Poop Off a Shoe
 2 Grasp the dog's head using your nondominant hand.
 Be firm but not harsh. Place your hand on top of the muz-
 zle, with your thumb on one side and fingers on the other.
 3 Raise the dog's nose.
 Squeeze firmly behind the canine or "eye" teeth until the
 jaw opens
 Place the pill between the thumb and forefinger of your
 dominant hand.
 Use the hand's other three fingers to open the lower jaw
 further.
 Use a stick to scrape out poop from
 beneath the tread of your shoe.
 5 Place the pill far back in the dog's mouth.
 Close the mouth.
 Tilt up the chin.
 Keep the mouth closed and stroke the throat to help with
 swallowing.
 BGive the dog a treat.
 BE AWARE!
 Blowing on the nose may stimulate the dog to swallow.
 Hiding the pill in peanut butter or some other treat the dog covets
 is the easiest way to administer a pill However, some canines
 become quite adept at eating the treat and leaving the pill.
 Use your band to keep the
 dog's mouth closed after
 placing the pill in bis mouth.
 Drag sneaker though grass or over edged curb.
 Dip shoe bottom into park fountain
 Page 27

 Dry the dog.
 Emergency Rain Gear
 7 Repeat washing, if necessary.
 This treatment can irritate a dog's skin, so wait at least 48
 hours before bathing a second time.
 Cut or tear holes in
 a plastic shopping
 bag for the dog's
 paws and head. Use a
 kitchen- or yard-sized
 bag for larger breeds.
 Carefully slip the bag
 over the dog's head,
 and ease the front and
 WARNING!
 Skunk spray consists of the ejected contents of the animal's anal
 glands. A freshly sprayed canine can transfer the scent to carpet
 furniture, and anything else he brushes against. The odor can
 cause nausea and dizziness in humans.
 THANK YOU
 Discard the dog's collar or harness. It will spread skunk odor to
 anything it touches and isn't worth the extensive offort it would take
 HAVE A NICE
 DAY
 to deodorize it.
 back paws through the
 Skunks can carry rabies. Examine your pet for bites
 holes.
 How To GIVE A DoG CPR
 Position the dog on her side.
 The back is better for barrel-chested breeds. Make sure the
 dog is on a firm surface.
 2 Kneel next to the dog.
 B Compress the chest.
 For small dogs, place your palm and fingertips over the ribs
 at the point where the elbow meets the chest. Compress the
 chest approximately one inch, twice per second. Alternate
 every five compressions with one breath. For medium to
 large dogs, extend your elbows and cup your hands on top
 of each other. Place hands over the ribs at the point where
 the dog's elbows meet the chest; then compress it two to
 three inches, two times per second. Alternate every five com
 pressions with one breath. For dogs that weigh more than
 100 pounds, compress the chest two or three inches once
 per second, alternating every 10 compressions with a breath.
 How To GET RiD oF SKUNK
 ODOR ON YOUR Doc
 Keep the dog outside.
 2 Flush the dog's eyes with water.
 4 Check for a hearthbeat.
 3 Change your clothes and remove jewelry.
 The compound used to remove skunk odor 4
 ric and, in contact with metals, irritate skin.
 After one minute, listen for a heartbeat. If none is found,
 continue with compressions.
 discolor fab-
 can
 4 Prepare special odor-removing wash.
 Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with 4 cup of
 baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Ingredients
 will bubble furiously when combined. This quantity is suf-
 ficient for a medium-sized dog. A larger canine may need
 To give artificial
 respiration, tilt the dog's
 bead back, place hand
 around the muzzle,
 put your mouth over
 the nose, and breathe
 into the dog's
 more.
 5 Apply mixture immediately.
 Use the odor-removing compound while still foaming, as
 this is when it is most effective. Place dog in bathtub or
 outdoor tub and work mixture into fur, avoiding mouth and
 cyes. Leave for several minutes or until the foaming stops,
 then rinse thoroughly. Reapply if odor persists.
 nose.
 K YO
 A NICE
novelty-gift-ideas:

Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook -$5.07