🔥 | Latest

Being Alone, Baseball, and Cute: 6 at 10:22 PM- About 3 years ago I answered my phone and there was an elderly lady who said hello is this Johnny. I told her no it's not Johnny you must have the wrong number. She then proceeds to read my phone number back to me and I told her that the number she was calling could not be correct because it was my number. She then said she was sorry and hung up. She called again right after that. I told her no it's still me. She then would call me about once a week and I would have to tell her that she had the wrong number One time she called and I asked her how she was doing, she told me about her day, the noisy neighbors, her favorite TV show that she watched this afternoon and whatever else she wanted to tell me. She then asked me how my day was and I told her. She asked me how the kids were doing and I told talking to Johnny. I never told her I was Johnny but I never told her I wasn't. She would call about once every two weeks and the conversations usually went the same. When she asked about the kids I would tell her about mine She would talk about the last time she had seen them they were just little boys playing baseball in their cute uniforms. When I told her they were all grown up now she would remark that they grow up so fast. About six months ago I stopped getting phone calls. To be honest I really didn't think about it until I heard a commercial on the radio that sounded a lot like her. Then wondered what had happened to her. Well tonight when I got home from my men's meeting my phone rang and it was her. She told me that she had been ill and was in the hospital but she was much better now and home. She told me that they did not want her to come back home but she told them I've lived alone for 44 years I live alone just fine for the rest of my years. She then told me about her day about the noisy neighbors and about her TV show. She then told me she had to go because it was her bedtime, but we will talk again soon. Well curiosity got the better of me andI decided to do a reverse look up to see if I could find anything out about my mystery lady. Well I found her, she lives in the city& is 108 years old. I also found out her name for the first time because I never asked. Her first name swhich coincidentally was my grandmother's name. Her Johnny passed away about 23 years ago. I got this phone number about 21 years ago. So she very well may have had that correct number. It may have just been reassigned to me. I am looking forward to my next phone call from my friend Saw this post on my uncles facebook, made my day. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QEBAi0
Being Alone, Baseball, and Cute: 6 at 10:22 PM-
 About 3 years ago I answered my phone and there was an elderly lady who
 said hello is this Johnny. I told her no it's not Johnny you must have the
 wrong number. She then proceeds to read my phone number back to me
 and I told her that the number she was calling could not be correct because
 it was my number. She then said she was sorry and hung up. She called
 again right after that. I told her no it's still me. She then would call me about
 once a week and I would have to tell her that she had the wrong number
 One time she called and I asked her how she was doing, she told me about
 her day, the noisy neighbors, her favorite TV show that she watched this
 afternoon and whatever else she wanted to tell me. She then asked me how
 my day was and I told her. She asked me how the kids were doing and I told
 talking to Johnny. I never told her I was Johnny but I never told her I wasn't.
 She would call about once every two weeks and the conversations usually
 went the same. When she asked about the kids I would tell her about mine
 She would talk about the last time she had seen them they were just little
 boys playing baseball in their cute uniforms. When I told her they were all
 grown up now she would remark that they grow up so fast. About six months
 ago I stopped getting phone calls. To be honest I really didn't think about it
 until I heard a commercial on the radio that sounded a lot like her. Then
 wondered what had happened to her. Well tonight when I got home from my
 men's meeting my phone rang and it was her. She told me that she had
 been ill and was in the hospital but she was much better now and home. She
 told me that they did not want her to come back home
 but she told them I've lived alone for 44 years I live alone just fine for the rest
 of my years. She then told me about her day about the noisy neighbors and
 about her TV show. She then told me she had to go because it was her
 bedtime, but we will talk again soon. Well curiosity got the better of me andI
 decided to do a reverse look up to see if I could find anything out about my
 mystery lady. Well I found her, she lives in the city& is 108 years old. I also
 found out her name for the first time because I never asked. Her first name
 swhich coincidentally was my grandmother's name. Her Johnny
 passed away about 23 years ago. I got this phone number about 21 years
 ago. So she very well may have had that correct number. It may have just
 been reassigned to me. I am looking forward to my next phone call from my
 friend
Saw this post on my uncles facebook, made my day. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QEBAi0

Saw this post on my uncles facebook, made my day. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QEBAi0

Bad, Bad Boys, and Christmas: HELI'S KITCHEN MOVME CUB XMAS SPECIAL MUN ou ARE MOST ToUBLESOME FOR A SECURITY GUARD ㄧㄋ EEENH! SORRY, HANS, WRONG GUESS. Wouw You IKE TO ão FOR OUBLE JEOPARTY,WHERE THE SCORES CAN REALLY CHANGE? CWHOA, THESE THINGS ARE REALLY BAD FOR You THEN WHO ARE You? [INDIANA JONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS] WHEWE JUST A FLY IN THE OINTMENT, HANS. ER PSHUU THE MONKEY KLIK TTER WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY? WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT THE MOON? JUST SAY THE WORD AND I'LL THROW A LASSO AROUND T AND PULL IT DOWN HEY. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOON, MARY. I'LL TAKE IT. THEN WHAT, GEORGE? SNIFE WELL, THEN YOU CAN SWALLOWIT AND IT'LL ALL DISSOLVE, SEE. AND THE MOONBEAMS WOULD SHOOT OUT OF YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TOES AND THE ENDS OF YOUR HAIR... AM I TALKING TOO MUCH? YES! WHY DON'T YOU KISS HER, INSTEAD OF TALKING HER TO DEATH? HKMC is a work of satire by Dave Acosta (@davedrawsgood), Dee Cunniffe (@deezoid) & Alex de Campi (@alexdecampi). All characters (c) Marvel Comics. Next episode: Death Wish. Or maybe Predator. Dunno. No for real, The Thin Man is "clearly" the best Xmas movie. William Powell is a comedy genius. (If you like Nick & Nora, check out My Man Godfrey, another brillant Powell screwball that has the greatest and by greatest we mean most fucked-up- meetcute of all time.) There's a period in one's young adulthood where it's deeply uncool to like A Wonderful Life. Sentimentality! Ugh, gross. Then you get older, and messages of hope seem a lot more necessary than before. Also, Jimmy Stewart is funny as hell. Not just his delivery, but his physical business between lines? #Goals. Stewart has been in a lot of great films Capra's so current it hurt Mr Smith Frex but if you like nors, dig up the under-appreciated Preminger classic, Anatomy of a Murder. Duke Ellington wrote&performed the score! Anyway: Happy Christmas from all of us. You are more important than you know, and more loved than you believe. Things will get better, give it time. alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low-key nod to @buckykingofmemes, who we adore Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta HOW did I get a shoutout in this A YEAR AGO and never knew about it?? This series is excellent! Look at that drowsy Bucky!
Bad, Bad Boys, and Christmas: HELI'S KITCHEN MOVME CUB XMAS SPECIAL
 MUN
 ou ARE MOST ToUBLESOME
 FOR A SECURITY GUARD
 ㄧㄋ
 EEENH! SORRY, HANS,
 WRONG GUESS.
 Wouw You IKE TO ão FOR
 OUBLE JEOPARTY,WHERE THE
 SCORES CAN REALLY CHANGE?

 CWHOA, THESE THINGS ARE
 REALLY BAD FOR You
 THEN WHO ARE You?
 [INDIANA JONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
 WHEWE
 JUST A FLY IN THE
 OINTMENT, HANS.
 ER

 PSHUU
 THE MONKEY
 KLIK
 TTER
 WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY?
 WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU
 WANT THE MOON?

 JUST SAY THE WORD AND
 I'LL THROW A LASSO AROUND
 T AND PULL IT DOWN
 HEY. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
 I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOON, MARY.
 I'LL TAKE IT.
 THEN WHAT, GEORGE?
 SNIFE
 WELL, THEN YOU CAN SWALLOWIT
 AND IT'LL ALL DISSOLVE, SEE.
 AND THE MOONBEAMS WOULD SHOOT
 OUT OF YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TOES
 AND THE ENDS OF YOUR HAIR...
 AM I TALKING TOO MUCH?
 YES! WHY DON'T YOU KISS HER,
 INSTEAD OF TALKING HER TO DEATH?
 HKMC is a work of satire by Dave Acosta (@davedrawsgood), Dee Cunniffe (@deezoid) & Alex de Campi (@alexdecampi).
 All characters (c) Marvel Comics.
 Next episode: Death Wish. Or maybe Predator. Dunno.
 No for real, The Thin Man is "clearly" the best Xmas movie. William Powell is a comedy genius. (If you like Nick & Nora, check out My Man
 Godfrey, another brillant Powell screwball that has the greatest and by greatest we mean most fucked-up- meetcute of all time.)
 There's a period in one's young adulthood where it's deeply uncool to like A Wonderful Life. Sentimentality! Ugh, gross. Then you get older,
 and messages of hope seem a lot more necessary than before. Also, Jimmy Stewart is funny as hell. Not just his delivery, but his physical
 business between lines? #Goals. Stewart has been in a lot of great films Capra's so current it hurt Mr Smith Frex but if you like nors, dig
 up the under-appreciated Preminger classic, Anatomy of a Murder. Duke Ellington wrote&performed the score! Anyway: Happy Christmas from
 all of us. You are more important than you know, and more loved than you believe. Things will get better, give it time.
alexdecampi:
Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe
Bucky’s shirt a low-key nod to @buckykingofmemes, who we adore
Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta

HOW did I get a shoutout in this A YEAR AGO and never knew about it?? This series is excellent! Look at that drowsy Bucky!

alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low...

Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes He Spent Entire Conversation Thinking About How To Automate Person Talking To Him theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.
Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes
 He Spent Entire Conversation
 Thinking About How To Automate
 Person Talking To Him
theonion:

SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.

theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417 parents spent most of childhood fighting dad was alwavs pissed >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm gonna beat you if you dont this and this") vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip was maybe 6 years old >broke my toys >mother never did anything says she's always there for me and the only one who actually acknowledged that their long ass divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience for me lies and manipulates people cheated on my dad when I was 9 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give it back >dad's gf is actually kinda alright >she relays every thing i say to my dad or grandparents though tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a chair while at grandma's house extremely concerned about how other's view her typical woman.jpg have a family they all hate me because of my mum the only family member I truly love and would miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a year just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and move far away from all of the bullshit Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109 2/3 got accepted to good college >mom immediately thought that I would go on a drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble >demand I install tracking software for the smart phone she gave me "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high school?!" largely "encouraged" to choose a particular engineering major extended family, particularly mom's side, made very clear to me the consequences for changing majors, that it would be held over my head for the rest of my life (they did it to cousin) >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble still maintained good grades throughout (dropped only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive program while taking a minor and premed courses) develop some of my own non-academic interests and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it all o stupidest thing I did was ask out high school oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest of the 4 years nearly dropped out of major over that only thing that stopped me was seeing that it would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would be impossible to explain to family heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite? >powered through major despite slowly dying every day surrounded by people who hated me with no way out >family never knevw constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder graduated get rejected by every medical program in the country >by this time mom cut connections with family who had always been treating her like shit thought things would get better, at least at home Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258 3/3 forced to take job at shithole startup witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit: racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich degenerates playing company >mom never believed me when I explained thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me even in middle of conversation >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l make the mistake of talking about what happened over there I have since changed jobs and am still working on my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm extremely emotionally needy, especially towards women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the point where I'm pushing away a formerly close friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to me The worst thing is that through all this, my mom (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say it's all my fault for not being "strong" or independent" enough. For example a few weeks ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into staying in my major, even when my heart and brain were both begging to be allowed to run, when they probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was in, and this made me too scared to leave since l feared a trickle down punishment from her. She told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront others (although I have witnessed this several times). I have to keep pretending everything is alright though it is getting harder every day. There's nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would believe me? Anon has a bad childhood
Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous
 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417
 parents spent most of childhood fighting
 dad was alwavs pissed
 >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm
 gonna beat you if you dont this and this")
 vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck
 while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip
 was maybe 6 years old
 >broke my toys
 >mother never did anything
 says she's always there for me and the only one
 who actually acknowledged that their long ass
 divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience
 for me
 lies and manipulates people
 cheated on my dad when I was 9
 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give
 it back
 >dad's gf is actually kinda alright
 >she relays every thing i say to my dad or
 grandparents though
 tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a
 chair while at grandma's house
 extremely concerned about how other's view her
 typical woman.jpg
 have a family
 they all hate me because of my mum
 the only family member I truly love and would
 miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a
 year
 just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and
 move far away from all of the bullshit

 Anonymous
 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109
 2/3
 got accepted to good college
 >mom immediately thought that I would go on a
 drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble
 >demand I install tracking software for the smart
 phone she gave me
 "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high
 school?!"
 largely "encouraged" to choose a particular
 engineering major
 extended family, particularly mom's side, made
 very clear to me the consequences for changing
 majors, that it would be held over my head for the
 rest of my life (they did it to cousin)
 >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life
 did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble
 still maintained good grades throughout (dropped
 only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive
 program while taking a minor and premed courses)
 develop some of my own non-academic interests
 and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted
 (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it
 all o
 stupidest thing I did was ask out high school
 oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against
 me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest
 of the 4 years
 nearly dropped out of major over that
 only thing that stopped me was seeing that it
 would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would
 be impossible to explain to family
 heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite?
 >powered through major despite slowly dying
 every day surrounded by people who hated me
 with no way out
 >family never knevw
 constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel
 have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder
 graduated
 get rejected by every medical program in the
 country
 >by this time mom cut connections with family who
 had always been treating her like shit
 thought things would get better, at least at home

 Anonymous
 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258
 3/3
 forced to take job at shithole startup
 witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit:
 racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich
 degenerates playing company
 >mom never believed me when I explained
 thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me
 even in middle of conversation
 >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l
 make the mistake of talking about what happened
 over there
 I have since changed jobs and am still working on
 my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l
 ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents
 for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump
 through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm
 extremely emotionally needy, especially towards
 women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the
 point where I'm pushing away a formerly close
 friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to
 me
 The worst thing is that through all this, my mom
 (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say
 it's all my fault for not being "strong" or
 independent" enough. For example a few weeks
 ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I
 hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into
 staying in my major, even when my heart and brain
 were both begging to be allowed to run, when they
 probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was
 in, and this made me too scared to leave since l
 feared a trickle down punishment from her. She
 told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all
 on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront
 others (although I have witnessed this several
 times). I have to keep pretending everything is
 alright though it is getting harder every day. There's
 nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would
 believe me?
Anon has a bad childhood

Anon has a bad childhood