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Bad, Click, and Friends: Anonymous said why can't muslims tell other muslims to stop killing people? thebootydiaries: mmkaylamm: thebootydiaries: thebootydiaries: It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.  That changes today.  “Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.  Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore. “What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“  Suddenly, silence.  1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.  A single tear rolls down my cheek. Please.” I say with a broken voice.  He is moved.  “Aight”. My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my white lily friends down. Not again. The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click. All I can hear is heavy breathing. “Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?” There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”. “I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.” “Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken. “What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good” He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?” “Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale. The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism. “Muslim….Please.” I whisper. I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words. “Kk.” “I hear a tear”How do you hear a tear? Ah, you must not be Muslim,
Bad, Click, and Friends: Anonymous said
 why can't muslims tell other muslims to
 stop killing people?
thebootydiaries:

mmkaylamm:
thebootydiaries:


thebootydiaries:

It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before. 
That changes today. 
“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say. 
Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.
“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“ 
Suddenly, silence. 
1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression. 
A single tear rolls down my cheek. Please.” I say with a broken voice. 
He is moved. 
“Aight”.


My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my white lily friends down. Not again.
The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.
All I can hear is heavy breathing.
“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”
There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”.
“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”
“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.
“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”
He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”
“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.
The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.
“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.
I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.
“Kk.”


“I hear a tear”How do you hear a tear?

Ah, you must not be Muslim,

thebootydiaries: mmkaylamm: thebootydiaries: thebootydiaries: It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound li...

Being Alone, Best Friend, and Club: ofgeography tumbl Follow ou think just because I'm a movie star Idont have feelings. Well, you're wrong! I do have IM AN ACTRESS HAVE ALL OF THEMI ofgeography so here's a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? mel i dol i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw Tirst wives club 2" on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAHIl FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!" NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUELII here's the synopsis for first wives club 2 disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands' new lovers under their wing. sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old. so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i'm starting to feel suspicious?? like it's really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they're alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY here's what i did not know about first wives club 2 It is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic. . so of course l, horrified that i've accidentally bought porn on my family's account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that's that EXCEPT, OF COURSE you have to pay for pay per view . so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and im sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we're just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, "okay, there's something we need to discuss. as a family .AS A FAMILY and im like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she's going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Eaned It Kiddo, and she puls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and Im like: OH NO. i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren't going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography? as a reminder, a quick table survey: my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent) my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent) my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent) me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography silence my mother said, Tm not going to ask again silence my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY my mother shook her head and put the bill down. this was incredibly inappropriate, she said. "skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. I'm not paying for it. what if molly had seen it? WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT? don't expose my kid to that crap. .DON'T EXPOSE MY KID TO THAT CRAP if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don't expect me to pay for it. i can't believe one of you did that in the living room. I CAN'T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT .IN THE LIVING ROOM but molly, why didn't you own up to it and explain that it was an accident? are you fucking kidding . .i did not want to go to porn prison the tin conclusion to this story เร that I never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for .my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wite's sister's my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister's husband's but molly, why don't you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn't real? are you fucking kidding this is the best thing rve ever done . Source belies myour girl #pom prison #molly writes things 445,020 notes The Lesbian Porn Mystery
Being Alone, Best Friend, and Club: ofgeography
 tumbl
 Follow
 ou think just because I'm a movie
 star Idont have feelings.
 Well, you're wrong! I do have
 IM AN ACTRESS
 HAVE ALL OF THEMI
 ofgeography
 so here's a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? mel i dol i
 love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i
 saw Tirst wives club 2" on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAHIl FIRST WIVES
 CLUB TWO!" NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUELII
 here's the synopsis for first wives club 2
 disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands' new lovers under their wing.
 sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
 so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i'm starting to feel suspicious??
 like it's really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of
 the first wives are the same?? how come they're alone in a bedroom with mood
 lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their
 shirts?? WHY ARE THEY
 here's what i did not know about first wives club 2
 It is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
 .
 so of course l, horrified that i've accidentally bought porn on my family's account
 (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything
 regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch
 an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and
 that's that
 EXCEPT, OF COURSE
 you have to pay for pay per view
 .
 so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my
 mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and im
 sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt
 deb, and we're just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my
 mother puts her fork down and says, "okay, there's something we need to
 discuss. as a family
 .AS A FAMILY
 and im like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be
 dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she's going to buy me
 My Own Computer Just Because U Eaned It Kiddo, and she puls out a piece of
 paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and Im like: OH NO.
 i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes
 into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN
 PRISON they weren't going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody
 want to tell me who purchased the pornography?
 as a reminder, a quick table survey:
 my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
 my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to
 kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
 my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named
 Sister Placid (innocent)
 me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased
 the lesbian pornography
 silence
 my mother said, Tm not going to ask again
 silence
 my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY
 LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES
 WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY
 my mother shook her head and put the bill down. this was incredibly
 inappropriate, she said. "skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. I'm
 not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?
 WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
 don't expose my kid to that crap.
 .DON'T
 EXPOSE
 MY KID
 TO THAT CRAP
 if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don't expect me to pay
 for it. i can't believe one of you did that in the living room.
 I CAN'T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
 .IN THE LIVING ROOM
 but molly, why didn't you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
 are you fucking kidding
 .
 .i did not want to go to porn prison
 the tin conclusion to this story เร that I never owned up to it, which means that
 there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian
 porn. a quick survey
 my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
 .my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wite's sister's
 my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister's husband's
 but molly, why don't you own up to it now, with the safety of time and
 distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn't real?
 are you fucking kidding
 this is the best thing rve ever done
 .
 Source belies
 myour girl
 #pom prison
 #molly writes things
 445,020 notes
The Lesbian Porn Mystery

The Lesbian Porn Mystery