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Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 be fat go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster tho 211 KB JPG apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont shit that day >next day i fiber myself up even more i dont shit that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore i dont shit the third day >i dont shit the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me it's whistling just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss suddenly stops the hole is plugged SOS this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson hang on to the shower curtain and pray the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed my entire ass is covered in toilet water now the fun begins a fart that could do more damage to the ozone laver than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german sounds like a moose in heat lives in my bell >most of the shit isn't even digested at this point just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.ran shakily wipe my ass >completely clean
Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous
 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279
 be fat
 go to /fit/ and find a
 solution
 >main problem is i eat like
 a dumpster
 tho
 211 KB JPG apparently things with
 loads of fiber is going to
 save my filthy soul
 >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you
 feeling full longer, and helps with digestion"
 >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy
 breakfast bars
 the first day i have fiber bars for
 breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks
 >i dont shit that day
 >next day i fiber myself up even more
 i dont shit that day either
 >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in
 my colon
 >can feel the pounds dropping off because
 im not very hungry anymore
 i dont shit the third day
 >i dont shit the fourth day
 >thefinaldaydawns.mp3
 >i have my morning coffee and feel my
 insides rumble in that familiar way
 the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart
 in the world exits me
 it's whistling
 just a thin, continuous airstream of fart
 that smells like grandpapas coffin
 >no sound other than the whistling hiss
 suddenly stops
 the hole is plugged
 SOS
 this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving
 anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson
 hang on to the shower curtain and pray
 the rock is shot out of my asshole at
 mach speed
 my entire ass is covered in toilet water
 now the fun begins
 a fart that could do more damage to the
 ozone laver than aerosol ever did is
 shooting shit bullets out of me
 solid and prefectly round nuggets
 >the smell is killing me
 >blacking out
 the thuds of nuggets shooting around the
 bowl propelled by my insane fiber
 flatulence is giving me war flashbacks
 iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg
 >my guts are yelling in german
 sounds like a moose in heat lives in my
 bell
 >most of the shit isn't even digested at this
 point
 just forced out by all the gas that had
 been building up to my throat
 after an hour it finally seems to be over
 >im shivering and crying
 >both legs collapse as i try to stand up
 >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles
 forces one last trumpet
 >gondorcallsforaid.ran
 shakily wipe my ass
 >completely clean
Fucking, Lost, and History: 0 points 7 hours ago its time to make nazis afraid again permalink embed save report give gold reply ↑ [- points 5 hours ago With what? Bike locks are only so available permalink embed save parent report give gold reply 1 -JewishPornProducer 4 points 6 hours ago drink your soy first permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply 1 points 6 hours ago Go back to t_d permalink embed save parent report give gold reply [-] [deleted] 5 hours ago [deleted] 4-11 point 4 hours ago Yea and it's getting to the point where the word nazi has lost it's meaning, like I remember when a fucking nazi was used to describe a terrible type of racist person, now everyone who happens to be pro Trump or anti illegal immigration is a nazi. Its pathetic. permalink embed save report give gold reply [-] JewishPornproducer -1 points 4 hours ago Pretty big words from a pedophile permalink embed save edit disable inbox replies delete reply Are you saying I'm a pedophile? Wut permalink embed save parent report give gold reply 1 - JewishPornProducer -3 points 4 hours ago Absolutely permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply E-11 points 4 hours ago What makes you think I'm a pedophile? permalink embed save parent report give gold reply [-] JewishPornproducer -3 points 4 hours ago Your post history gave you up. You don't have a moral high ground here, pervert. Normal people hate pedophiles lot more than "nazis". permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply 1 point 4 hours ago Which post in my history makes me a pedo? Pls link me When in enemy territory and libs call you a nazi you call them a pedophile. Don't even try to defend yourself. It never works. Attack right back and put them into defensive! Suddenly they're defending themselves for not being a pedophile. It works!
Fucking, Lost, and History: 0 points 7 hours ago
 its time to make nazis afraid again
 permalink embed save report give gold reply
 ↑ [- points 5 hours ago
 With what? Bike locks are only so available
 permalink embed save parent report give gold reply
 1 -JewishPornProducer 4 points 6 hours ago
 drink your soy first
 permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply
 1 points 6 hours ago
 Go back to t_d
 permalink embed save parent report give gold reply
 [-] [deleted] 5 hours ago
 [deleted]
 4-11 point 4 hours ago
 Yea and it's getting to the point where the word nazi has lost it's meaning, like I remember when a fucking nazi was
 used to describe a terrible type of racist person, now everyone who happens to be pro Trump or anti illegal
 immigration is a nazi. Its pathetic.
 permalink embed save report give gold reply
 [-] JewishPornproducer -1 points 4 hours ago
 Pretty big words from a pedophile
 permalink embed save edit disable inbox replies delete reply
 Are you saying I'm a pedophile? Wut
 permalink embed save parent report give gold reply
 1 - JewishPornProducer -3 points 4 hours ago
 Absolutely
 permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply
 E-11 points 4 hours ago
 What makes you think I'm a pedophile?
 permalink embed save parent report give gold reply
 [-] JewishPornproducer -3 points 4 hours ago
 Your post history gave you up. You don't have a moral high ground here, pervert. Normal people hate pedophiles lot
 more than "nazis".
 permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply
 1 point 4 hours ago
 Which post in my history makes me a pedo? Pls link me
When in enemy territory and libs call you a nazi you call them a pedophile. Don't even try to defend yourself. It never works. Attack right back and put them into defensive! Suddenly they're defending themselves for not being a pedophile. It works!

When in enemy territory and libs call you a nazi you call them a pedophile. Don't even try to defend yourself. It never works. Attack right ...

Anaconda, Ass, and Best Friend: Just wanted to share my story since It may take me a long time to write it but I hope at least one person reads it This is my frst post in here ater having lurked since forever e I was my older to stay in me and my father were really close and I didn't think anything was wong with taking care of him lliterally batheded/elothed/medicatedl and handled all of his Snances and everything while growing up my mom helped but she had to work l am not socially retarded I just don't have any incentive to do anything now and lament interacting because I don't understand how omy dad died 3 years ago almost othing with my lde l work go unctions they are all mad that my dad let me out after work we start talking oim 22 and literally have never had a girthriend since I spent 16 hours a day caning for my dad + school+working while growing up me and this girl start going out she is a genuine 10/10 hrst rellationship so literally just taking it slow and just doing things how my dad told me it goes see knows how I grew up and took joy in teaching me the ropes eventually one night we have sex and its fun as fuck we move in together at 14 months 07/10/14(Thu)03 30 43 No 555770254 tmsmuss-samm eyehnding c better >l visit my dads gravestone often and just talk to him suddenly I get a call from my mom while at the cemetery one time -Your oldest brother has been in a car accident please help us out with medical stuf please yes mom no l will help them since ts what my dad would have wanted ocall gf she isn't answering a teed that I will square everything ฮway tell the hospital I wil help pay for wie his insurance didn't pick up othey see me and start asking me "WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR DAUGHTER what do you mean Itexted her I would be here did she maybe tell you guys I got in an accident No she was in an accident also turns out my t this point she ends up dying ndPromise to drink don't know what 1 am going to do with my le first real relationship ends Lie this my brother somehow fucked me with the ultimate betrayal my mom says my faut because my cheating fucking girtfriend got my brother killed somehow if I didnt date her thay would have never met etc etc etc now family goes from passive aggressive to full on hate/ shunning tier Anonymous (ID EN e 07/10/14(Thu103 39:42 No 555771390 -samasz-asme並-sams asssms12-55ms 555770285 Im drunk right now somy I should have note padded but I don't think I could stand writing the whole thing out without bawing on this fucking train and everyone looking at me like I am a mad man inally decide I am going to just gat away from everything and hopefully die off in some far away country basically a combat medic who gets attached to random special forces units when they need me or l stay attached to my main unit kind of just floating around all over Alighanistan doing things being a medic and shit basically a glonfied nurse with a gun one bbą and drinking eventually everyone starts looking out for me and shit since I am known to have pulled some crazy stuns like pulling 3 guys up a mountainside while being fired at by enemy snipers/leman and I didn't really care othey think I am a crazy motherfucker and always make sure I have things I need at our base guys tell their wives to send me from tobasco / drink mixes/seasonings just really cool shit that makes living in the desert much more bearable they all live in teocas and want me to move there if we all get out out of the 4 of us who were really close 2 died in the line of duty/1 killed himsef when he got home 2 years ago ts just me and I moved to texas in honor of them l stay in contact with their famlies and my best friends family adopted me kind of frst feeling aside from my squad where I feel accepted >promise his mother that no matter what happens they can always rely on me if they EVER need anythng and i 100% mean it >her husband got sick for like 8-9 months and I took care of everything around the house for them trees/helped her out with bills eventually a productive member of this local town in texas ฟ enjoy helping the local city group with setting up thngs around town like festivals and shit a bunch of oldet'younger sons of older guys group up and always setup booths/build the stages and iterally just a bunch of dudes who meet up drink and handle all the manly handyman work for the town eventually 1.5 years pass ike this phave random flings with local girls thruout this time just erjoy suddenly my adopted mom calls me her husband died and she needs me now at the hospital make sure she has everything easy and can just moun me and her 26 year old daughter are s thru this process me and her daughter end up getting close oshe admits to having a crush on me when I first got here but always felt shy about talking to me bone day a few months ater everything her mom calls me and tells me she found a bin of leters from my best friend to her husband wants me to go pick them up and read them since a few were about me and had a letter from her husband to me my best friend calvin who died told them all about me while I was over there how I took care of him when he got shrapnel in his ass and made sure he was taken care of before I just disappeared into another unit I got attached to this was 2 years belore I even "met" him talks about how he thinks god brought me back to his unit because I am now his groups medic and nobody had died since I got there tels them about how he wishes he could have had a brother lke me us (ID Ewsert)07/10/14(Thu)04 01.22 No 5557742945577447 34775312 he literally told his mom that if he and me made it out he wanted to get them to somehow adopt me sent them a picture of our whole unit cooking come meat and smiling and shit while we were over there him me and 1 of the other guys who became great friends are in our bdu's and just have shit eating grins on our faces while our 4th bro is on crutches with his head wrapped in gauze smiling in an apron tells them I am taking care of everyone not to worry eventually get to his last note he actually had on him when he died To mom, dad,sis and anon (f we didn't get blown up together haha) I just want to let you guys know I am sorry I cant even write what he wrote or I will really lose my shit sufice to say it was his reason for enlisting/hoping he made his family proud/ and his dreams for his sister/ and a personal thank you for me eventually thank god for everything that happened in my ife reaize the promise we made on a mountainside while nearly dying meant the world to this man realize t means the world to me now I have purpose again realize my selish reason for joining may have been the best thing to happen to me somehow she ends up staying over at my place cuz she was drunk owe end up kind of of falling what would her brother think kind of not sure what to do ends up leading to this last month to be together togetherchts about everything o her my oshe says she will give me time to think about it but if I don't want to try anything to let her know so she can move on g0 wisit my dads grave site let him know about my life and l call her house number to see she would see me wel she tells me to leave hotel and stay with an old lady to make her happy realize how much she reminds me of my real dad word gats around I back to beat my ass l dont really care since they have no idea I have literally been soldiering for the last 8 years+hard manual labor in teocas just in general look lke meth grandma tells them to leave they arent welcome they threaten her to shut up its none of her business dont want to start anything so just take their verbal taunts and shit otells me they hate me and know I didn't amount to sht eventually come to 3 days ago I makke sure my grandmas house is all fixed up before I leave repainted everything for her pcut a bunch of frewood I did yard work just made sure she was good to go for when winter hits for her she tells me she is so proud I managed to get out of the town and make it somehow decide its time to head back to texas don't want to use free fights and want to visit my other friend in Califormia who died and pass thru/visit his miitary grave to cali handle my on train to not sure what awats me there I dont know what to do guys I really like this women my tends sister just feel like somehow the betrayal that was g en to me by my brother would be repeated 1 did a ything inapproprate with her. She is a wonderful person and reminds me so much of him its scary He was the only (aside from my mitary friends) I ever had in my lfe since I had no childhood tgod gave me the option of making sure her got home instead of me I would in an instant kill mysefl so he would have made it back to his family it wasnt for him I would never have made it back I think On some levels even though I may have physically saved him multiple times and him me I feel like meeting his famly was my ultimate salvation For the frst time ever I Selt what it was ike to enjoy a thanksgiving meal with people who I truly felt thankful for I made a bunch of new friends and interact with the community now ater moving to his town Yet I feel so torn between making something out of his sister and me and honoring his memory
Anaconda, Ass, and Best Friend: Just wanted to share my story since
 It may take me a long time to write it but I hope at least one person reads it
 This is my frst post in here ater having lurked since forever
 e I was
 my older
 to stay in
 me and my father were really close and I didn't think anything was wong with taking care of him
 lliterally batheded/elothed/medicatedl and handled all of his Snances and everything while growing up
 my mom helped but she had to work
 l am not socially retarded I just don't have any incentive to do anything now and lament interacting because I don't understand how
 omy dad died 3 years ago almost
 othing with my lde
 l work go
 unctions
 they are all mad that my dad let me
 out after work
 we start talking
 oim 22 and literally have never had a girthriend since I spent 16 hours a day caning for my dad + school+working while growing up
 me and this girl start going out she is a genuine 10/10
 hrst rellationship so literally just taking it slow and just doing things how my dad told me it goes
 see knows how I grew up and took joy in teaching me the ropes
 eventually one night we have sex and its fun as fuck we move in together at 14 months
 07/10/14(Thu)03 30 43 No 555770254
 tmsmuss-samm
 eyehnding c
 better
 >l visit my dads gravestone often and just talk to him
 suddenly I get a call from my mom while at the cemetery one time
 -Your oldest brother has been in a car accident please help us out with medical stuf please
 yes mom no
 l will help them since ts what my dad would have wanted
 ocall gf she isn't answering
 a teed that I will
 square everything ฮway tell the hospital I wil help pay for wie his insurance didn't pick up
 othey see me and start asking me "WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR DAUGHTER
 what do you mean Itexted her I would be here did she maybe tell you guys I got in an accident
 No she was in an accident also
 turns out my t this point
 she ends up dying
 ndPromise to
 drink
 don't know what 1 am going to do with my le
 first real relationship ends Lie this
 my brother somehow fucked me with the ultimate betrayal
 my mom says my faut because my cheating fucking girtfriend got my brother killed somehow if I didnt date her thay would have never met etc etc etc
 now family goes from passive aggressive to full on hate/ shunning tier
 Anonymous (ID
 EN e
 07/10/14(Thu103 39:42 No 555771390
 -samasz-asme並-sams asssms12-55ms
 555770285
 Im drunk right now somy I should have note padded but I don't think I could stand writing the whole thing out without bawing on this fucking train and everyone looking at me like I am a mad man
 inally decide I am going to just gat away from everything and hopefully die off in some far away country
 basically a combat medic who gets attached to random special forces units when they need me or l stay attached to my main unit
 kind of just floating around all over Alighanistan doing things being a medic and shit basically a glonfied nurse with a gun
 one bbą and drinking
 eventually everyone starts looking out for me and shit since I am known to have pulled some crazy stuns like pulling 3 guys up a mountainside while being fired at by enemy snipers/leman and I didn't really care
 othey think I am a crazy motherfucker and always make sure I have things I need at our base
 guys tell their wives to send me from tobasco / drink mixes/seasonings just really cool shit that makes living in the desert much more bearable
 they all live in teocas and want me to move there if we all get out
 out of the 4 of us who were really close
 2 died in the line of duty/1 killed himsef when he got home 2 years ago
 ts just me and I moved to texas in honor of them
 l stay in contact with their famlies and my best friends family adopted me kind of
 frst feeling aside from my squad where I feel accepted
 >promise his mother that no matter what happens they can always rely on me if they EVER need anythng and i 100% mean it
 >her husband got sick for like 8-9 months and I took care of everything around the house for them
 trees/helped her out with bills
 eventually a productive member of this local town in texas
 ฟ enjoy helping the local city group with setting up thngs around town like festivals and shit
 a bunch of oldet'younger sons of older guys group up and always setup booths/build the stages and iterally just a bunch of dudes who meet up drink and handle all the manly handyman work for the town
 eventually 1.5 years pass ike this
 phave random flings with local girls thruout this time
 just erjoy
 suddenly my adopted mom calls me
 her husband died and she needs me now at the hospital
 make sure she has everything easy and can just moun
 me and her 26 year old daughter are s
 thru this process me and her daughter end up getting close
 oshe admits to having a crush on me when I first got here but always felt shy about talking to me
 bone day a few months ater everything her mom calls me and tells me she found a bin of leters from my best friend to her husband
 wants me to go pick them up and read them since a few were about me and had a letter from her husband to me
 my best friend calvin who died told them all about me while I was over there
 how I took care of him when he got shrapnel in his ass and made sure he was taken care of before I just disappeared into another unit I got attached to
 this was 2 years belore I even "met" him
 talks about how he thinks god brought me back to his unit because I am now his groups medic and nobody had died since I got there
 tels them about how he wishes he could have had a brother lke me
 us (ID Ewsert)07/10/14(Thu)04 01.22 No 5557742945577447 34775312
 he literally told his mom that if he and me made it out he wanted to get them to somehow adopt me
 sent them a picture of our whole unit cooking come meat and smiling and shit while we were over there
 him me and 1 of the other guys who became great friends are in our bdu's and just have shit eating grins on our faces while our 4th bro is on crutches with his head wrapped in gauze smiling in an apron
 tells them I am taking care of everyone not to worry
 eventually get to his last note he actually had on him when he died
 To mom, dad,sis and anon (f we didn't get blown up together haha) I just want to let you guys know
 I am sorry I cant even write what he wrote or I will really lose my shit
 sufice to say it was his reason for enlisting/hoping he made his family proud/ and his dreams for his sister/ and a personal thank you for me
 eventually thank god for everything that happened in my ife
 reaize the promise we made on a mountainside while nearly dying meant the world to this man
 realize t means the world to me now I have purpose again
 realize my selish reason for joining may have been the best thing to happen to me
 somehow she ends up staying over at my place cuz she was drunk
 owe end up kind of
 of falling
 what would her brother think
 kind of not sure what to do
 ends up leading to this last month
 to be together togetherchts about everything
 o her my
 oshe says she will give me time to think about it but if I don't want to try anything to let her know so she can move on
 g0
 wisit my dads grave site let him know about my life and
 l call her house number to see she would see me
 wel
 she
 tells me to leave hotel and stay with an old lady to make her happy
 realize how much she reminds me of my real dad
 word gats around I
 back
 to beat my ass
 l dont really care since they have no idea I have literally been soldiering for the last 8 years+hard manual labor in teocas
 just in general look lke meth
 grandma tells them to leave they arent welcome
 they threaten her to shut up its none of her business
 dont want to start anything so just take their verbal taunts and shit
 otells me they hate me and know I didn't amount to sht
 eventually come to 3 days ago I makke sure my grandmas house is all fixed up before I leave repainted everything for her
 pcut a bunch of frewood I did yard work just made sure she was good to go for when winter hits for her
 she tells me she is so proud I managed to get out of the town and make it somehow
 decide its time to head back to texas
 don't want to use free fights and want to visit my other friend in Califormia who died and pass thru/visit his miitary grave
 to cali handle my
 on train to
 not sure what awats me there
 I dont know what to do guys
 I really like this women my tends sister just feel like somehow the betrayal that was g en to me by my brother would be repeated 1 did a ything inapproprate with her.
 She is a wonderful person and reminds me so much of him its scary
 He was the only (aside from my mitary friends) I ever had in my lfe since I had no childhood
 tgod gave me the option of making sure her got home instead of me I would in an instant kill mysefl so he would have made it back to his family
 it wasnt for him I would never have made it back I think
 On some levels even though I may have physically saved him multiple times and him me I feel like meeting his famly was my ultimate salvation
 For the frst time ever I Selt what it was ike to enjoy a thanksgiving meal with people who I truly felt thankful for
 I made a bunch of new friends and interact with the community now ater moving to his town
 Yet I feel so torn between making something out of his sister and me and honoring his memory
Apparently, Ass, and Crying: File: 1362331602861 İpg-(142 KB. 960x638. 407119 345553992 135382 275815114 njpg) Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:26 No.12127904 Replies: 3312127927 3312129930 3212131281 Gentlemen,due to a story last night, i feel the need to break an order i was given and tell you about the Missouri Goat Man. Now im a chemical guy, and we all go to ft.lostinthewoods to do training. This happened during an FTX out in the woods, next to a ridge and a large stream bed. Every night there is a roaming guard of two privates, and we have our gay little blank adapters and we just roam around making sure no one is having sex. This happens one night when me and a buddy of mine are posted up on a couple of stumps by one of the light systems they drag out there >About 0300, me and my pal are set up under the lamps, soaking in the warm exhaust because its 250F outside and fuck if we were going to be moving >We are watching the tents, joking how if anyone was going to do the nasty itd be difficult due to the cold, etc >nudge buddy, tell him to catch a nap >he lolls off and is snoozing >snow slowly drifting down through the trees, peaceful >Just kind of staring into the woods when i hear that "crunch" of snow >extremely faint, have to perk up my ears to make it out >think to myself "Theres no way some idiots going to freeze his nuts to some girls ass...must be a drill sergeant." snudge my buddy awake, tell him theres a DS in the woods >he perks up, we are both watching the woodline >sure enough we see a shadow come in from the woodline, crouching low, amazing he can be this quiet in the snow > We both grin, last time this happened they dragged someone out and tied them to a tree for shits and giggles Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:31 No. 12127927 Replies:12127973 04 ( >The shadow gets well within the camp line, crouching really, really low...looking back it was weird >A tent rustles and the shadow instantly stands up to full height, fucking id almost 7ft tall, and has GODDAMN HORNS ON ITS FUCKING HEAD Buddy and i suck in our breath and our eyes are wide, this isnt a fucking DS The whatever it was opens a tent f >At this time my buddy has found the little radio we were given in case we need to contact the Drill Sergeants >Buddy is freaking out and trying to get them out here, which causes them to freak out and come ghosting out of the fucking shadows >They startle us and my buddy yells >We all hear a loud...grunt >All our heads turn to see this goat-thing dragging a goddamn private IT HAS A FEMALE PRIVATE IT HAS HER LEG >HOLY SHIT ITS DRAGGING HER OUT OF THE CAMP >Nothing really happens for what feels like hours, just this surreal fucking stare down >A female DS screams out a war cry and launches herself at a full sprint at it rest of the DS's pull out their pistols and charge down to try and get the private eeaall slow, peaks inside Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:40 No. 12127973 Replies: 1212797612128006 2212131339 File: 1362332433502 jpg-(76 KB, 720x478, 417143_349589041731877_79(...).jpg) 12127927 >He hop up and run down, scrambling to grab the chick and haul her away the DSs have taken off to chase whatever it was away from the camp, as we are dragging the chick away the entire camp is up now and setting up a perimeter around the AHA and chow tent 2 areas that have constant light >Tense as fuck, everyone has their bayonets in their hands >DS's come back an hour later, looking worse for wear >everyone loads up in the humvees and we get the fuck out of there Apparently the Drill Sergeants had chased the damn thing over a was weirded out but didnt seem phased and had simply made the DS's carry fully loaded M4's for the next rotations. Oh big scary goat man? Nah dont worry about it, heres bigger guns ek at which it took off into the under brush. The female soldier was okay, whatever it was had smothered her till she passed out. Higher command Yay Army Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:58 No. 12128041 Replies: 12128091 12128097 212128101 File (1.15 MB, 1620x2660, 2012-07-28 14.25.36.jpg) And there are tons of these stories, of people just tearin friend of mine who went to MP training there out of the woods in full kit blubberi ing o mental instability. I myself only have one other story, and this is from a >Friend is on the last FTX in the dead of winter >He is set up with 3 other people in a tower over looking a huge expanse of woods >Scheduled OPFOR attack happens, everyones having fun shooting blanks >suddenly a couple of dudes come barreling out of the woods carrying a guy who has a fucking tree branch lodged in his thigh kak kak kak , >everything stops, everyone leaps into action and drags him onto the FOB >he is screaming and crying about the "Deer man >DSs instantly scramble for their m4's and get on a loud speaker, demanding every private into their little hutches >DSs break a major rule and hand out live ammo to everyone >everyone tense a fuck >that one dude is screaming THE DEER MAN, HES OUT THERE, JESUS CHRIST PROTECT ME.THE DEEEERRR MAAAANN AAUUUGGGGHHHHHH and keeps screaming this untill the medics arrive
Apparently, Ass, and Crying: File: 1362331602861 İpg-(142 KB. 960x638. 407119 345553992 135382 275815114 njpg)
 Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:26 No.12127904 Replies: 3312127927 3312129930 3212131281
 Gentlemen,due to a story last night, i feel the need to break an order i was given and tell you about the Missouri Goat Man. Now im a chemical guy, and we all go to
 ft.lostinthewoods to do training. This happened during an FTX out in the woods, next to a ridge and a large stream bed. Every night there is a roaming guard of two privates, and
 we have our gay little blank adapters and we just roam around making sure no one is having sex. This happens one night when me and a buddy of mine are posted up on a
 couple of stumps by one of the light systems they drag out there
 >About 0300, me and my pal are set up under the lamps, soaking in the warm exhaust because its 250F outside and fuck if we were going to be moving
 >We are watching the tents, joking how if anyone was going to do the nasty itd be difficult due to the cold, etc
 >nudge buddy, tell him to catch a nap
 >he lolls off and is snoozing
 >snow slowly drifting down through the trees, peaceful
 >Just kind of staring into the woods when i hear that "crunch" of snow
 >extremely faint, have to perk up my ears to make it out
 >think to myself "Theres no way some idiots going to freeze his nuts to some girls ass...must be a drill sergeant."
 snudge my buddy awake, tell him theres a DS in the woods
 >he perks up, we are both watching the woodline
 >sure enough we see a shadow come in from the woodline, crouching low, amazing he can be this quiet in the snow
 > We both grin, last time this happened they dragged someone out and tied them to a tree for shits and giggles
 Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:31 No. 12127927 Replies:12127973
 04 (
 >The shadow gets well within the camp line, crouching really, really low...looking back it was weird
 >A tent rustles and the shadow instantly stands up to full height, fucking id almost 7ft tall, and has GODDAMN HORNS ON ITS FUCKING HEAD
 Buddy and i suck in our breath and our eyes are wide, this isnt a fucking DS
 The whatever it was opens a tent f
 >At this time my buddy has found the little radio we were given in case we need to contact the Drill Sergeants
 >Buddy is freaking out and trying to get them out here, which causes them to freak out and come ghosting out of the fucking shadows
 >They startle us and my buddy yells
 >We all hear a loud...grunt
 >All our heads turn to see this goat-thing dragging a goddamn private
 IT HAS A FEMALE PRIVATE
 IT HAS HER LEG
 >HOLY SHIT
 ITS DRAGGING HER OUT OF THE CAMP
 >Nothing really happens for what feels like hours, just this surreal fucking stare down
 >A female DS screams out a war cry and launches herself at a full sprint at it
 rest of the DS's pull out their pistols and charge down to try and get the private
 eeaall slow, peaks inside
 Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:40 No. 12127973 Replies: 1212797612128006 2212131339
 File: 1362332433502 jpg-(76 KB, 720x478, 417143_349589041731877_79(...).jpg)
 12127927
 >He hop up and run down, scrambling to grab the chick and haul her away
 the DSs have taken off to chase whatever it was away from the camp, as we are dragging the chick away the entire camp is up now and setting up a perimeter around the AHA and chow tent
 2 areas that have constant light
 >Tense as fuck, everyone has their bayonets in their hands
 >DS's come back an hour later, looking worse for wear
 >everyone loads up in the humvees and we get the fuck out of there
 Apparently the Drill Sergeants had chased the damn thing over a
 was weirded out but didnt seem phased and had simply made the DS's carry fully loaded M4's for the next rotations. Oh big scary goat man? Nah dont worry about it, heres bigger guns
 ek at which it took off into the under brush. The female soldier was okay, whatever it was had smothered her till she passed out. Higher command
 Yay Army
 Anonymous 03/03/13(Sun)12:58 No. 12128041 Replies: 12128091 12128097 212128101
 File
 (1.15 MB, 1620x2660, 2012-07-28 14.25.36.jpg)
 And there are tons of these stories, of people just tearin
 friend of mine who went to MP training there
 out of the woods in full kit blubberi
 ing
 o mental instability. I myself only have one other story, and this is from a
 >Friend is on the last FTX in the dead of winter
 >He is set up with 3 other people in a tower over looking a huge expanse of woods
 >Scheduled OPFOR attack happens, everyones having fun shooting blanks
 >suddenly a couple of dudes come barreling out of the woods carrying a guy who has a fucking tree branch lodged in his thigh
 kak kak kak
 ,
 >everything stops, everyone leaps into action and drags him onto the FOB
 >he is screaming and crying about the "Deer man
 >DSs instantly scramble for their m4's and get on a loud speaker, demanding every private into their little hutches
 >DSs break a major rule and hand out live ammo to everyone
 >everyone tense a fuck
 >that one dude is screaming
 THE DEER MAN, HES OUT THERE, JESUS CHRIST PROTECT ME.THE DEEEERRR MAAAANN AAUUUGGGGHHHHHH
 and keeps screaming this untill the medics arrive
Ass, Drinking, and Energy: Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)09:46:08 No.594254957594256064 594265026 File: 1419611651856.ipg (51 KB, 403x498) >594253241 (OP) be me, stationed in korea gotta eat MRE's during a week long exercise MRE's are completely artificial foods with no exit strategy Eat three of these bagged nasties a day Don't shit once, I feel a malevolent mass slowly gaining power in my bowels I've been adding hot sauce to them all for flavor idgaf because it's summer and I'm hungry as fuck on a 12 ho feel a wall of dark matter slowly making its way through my SHIITnG ME f pain throughout the shift, having to take deep breathes on a knee I break out into cold sweats, and I was sure I was hall ops, but it's only a reprieve, the dark matter forces its way through my internal maze I make it through the shift, I'm drinking liters of water, but I'm barely pissing it out eventually make it to my dorm, I climb the steps of mordor in 40 lbs of chem gean □ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)09:56:07 No. 594256064- >>594256742 594257588 >>594265026 >>594254957 I stumble at my door in a near comatose stupor when I suddenly feel it My intestines begin to groan, with noises reminiscent of a dying grizzly bear my blood shot eyes go wide open as my body switches to fight or flight mode I fumble at the keypad in a near panic to get into my door I forget the code several times over, once more and I get locked out a code in my delirious state, as if disarming a bomb the door opens, and I thrust myself into my room I rip off several layers of velcro'd chemical gear and my uniform in record speed actually ripped the buttons of my ABU top, now completely soaked with cold sweat break mach 3 as I sprint into the bathroom, I gave zero regard to my roommate who was in the other room slam my ass so hard on the shitter I could've sworn I heard porcelain crack I suddenly feel that great evil, pounding at my worn sphincter t didn't stand a chance, it was like a Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:11:54 No.594257588594258274 594258747 594265026 594256064 Then the angels rip open the 6th seal in Revelations ear a noise, as if someone was ripping a waterlogged phonebook in two ra through my ass and on the seat was genuinely concerne As if an iceberg is being forced through a pen ized hole, my asshole opens to sizes thought impossible I the sharp edges of this monolithic shit eviscerate my exit I begin screaming as I shat out this white hot ingot There was no effort on my part, something on the inside is making enough pressure hyperdense mat Perhaps this was the exotic material to bless humanity with warp speed with wh w nerve endings that weren ears, dehydrated, and i ated by the titan, I feel myself break past it's apex was almo се са the several Vesuvi I drank had cause so much pre re, it rocket the shit out of my asshole like Mt lifted off the seat by the opposite reaction of this bullet train a torrental waterfall of ass gas and unknown liquid pours out of me like a sheared fire hydrant I the barometric pressure in the room change, I an ms My insides literally feel like they're emptying themselves out Legitimately afraid I'll shit out my rib cage due to the negative pressure l black out, with the sounds of asswater smacking against the darkmatte □ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri) 10:24:25 No. 594258747 >-594259542 >>594259590 >>594260403 >-594260794 >>594261472 File: 23456789583567.ipg (38 KB, 560x560) 594257588 ome to about an ho by my roommate banging on the do ing about something, my 5 senses are slowly dragging themselves back into "What the god damn fuck is that fucking smell jesus christ an he word'smell' before aforementioned hits me as omeone stuffed a rotting corpse in a dumpster on a hot summer day y was like a freight train, almost bring me back into u The shear po It was comparable to a mysterious death that leaped after me and struck me down es ompose myself and immediately begin dry heaving the bowl, as I realize this I stand up, feeling arn iceable draft up my asshole t paper was gonna make a difference no amo I see a near football sized mass of hybrid mat it's peak is risen well above the bodily fluid that had forced it out, the displacement had dange jutting out from the bottom of the bowl reached the edge There was still steam, l ponder for it's uses as a geothermal energy source I turn on the shower, I don't even bother to try flushing, it'd be as futile as a child moving a skyscraper lcurl up into a fetal position, and slowly sob myself to sleep in the shower Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:32:45 No.594259542594259828 >594259984 594265026 File: 1418621980295.png (514 KB, 520x678) >594258747 Anyways, that's the end of that story. Remember kids. MRE's Also I ended up having to actually take it out of the bowl and put it into like 6 plastic bags. Absolutely sure l could kill a man by swinging it at them in self defense. Itd be my faithful weapon of choice if the north attacked
Ass, Drinking, and Energy: Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)09:46:08 No.594254957594256064 594265026
 File: 1419611651856.ipg (51 KB, 403x498)
 >594253241 (OP)
 be me, stationed in korea
 gotta eat MRE's during a week long exercise
 MRE's are completely artificial foods with no exit strategy
 Eat three of these bagged nasties a day
 Don't shit once, I feel a malevolent mass slowly gaining power in my bowels
 I've been adding hot sauce to them all for flavor
 idgaf because it's summer and I'm hungry as fuck on a 12 ho
 feel a wall of dark matter slowly making its way through my
 SHIITnG ME
 f pain throughout the shift, having to take deep breathes on a knee
 I break out into cold sweats, and I was sure I was hall
 ops, but it's only a reprieve, the dark matter forces its way through my internal maze
 I make it through the shift, I'm drinking liters of water, but I'm barely pissing it out
 eventually make it to my dorm, I climb the steps of mordor in 40 lbs of chem gean
 □
 Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)09:56:07 No. 594256064-
 >>594256742
 594257588 >>594265026
 >>594254957
 I stumble at my door in a near comatose stupor when I suddenly feel it
 My intestines begin to groan, with noises reminiscent of a dying grizzly bear
 my blood shot eyes go wide open as my body switches to fight or flight mode
 I fumble at the keypad in a near panic to get into my door
 I forget the code several times over, once more and I get locked out
 a code in my delirious state, as if disarming a bomb
 the door opens, and I thrust myself into my room
 I rip off several layers of velcro'd chemical gear and my uniform in record speed
 actually ripped the buttons of my ABU top, now completely soaked with cold sweat
 break mach 3 as I sprint into the bathroom, I gave zero regard to my roommate who was in the other room
 slam my ass so hard on the shitter I could've sworn I heard porcelain crack
 I suddenly feel that great evil, pounding at my worn sphincter
 t didn't stand a chance, it was like a
 Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:11:54 No.594257588594258274 594258747 594265026
 594256064
 Then the angels rip open the 6th seal in Revelations
 ear a noise, as if someone was ripping a waterlogged phonebook in two
 ra
 through my ass and on the seat
 was genuinely concerne
 As if an iceberg is being forced through a pen
 ized hole, my asshole opens to sizes thought impossible
 I the sharp edges of this monolithic shit eviscerate my exit
 I begin screaming as I shat out this white hot ingot
 There was no effort on my part, something on the inside is making enough pressure
 hyperdense mat
 Perhaps this was the exotic material to bless humanity with warp speed
 with wh
 w nerve endings that weren
 ears, dehydrated, and i
 ated by the titan, I feel myself break past it's apex
 was almo
 се
 са
 the several
 Vesuvi
 I drank had cause so much pre
 re, it rocket the shit out of my asshole like Mt
 lifted off the seat by the opposite reaction of this bullet train
 a torrental waterfall of ass gas and unknown liquid pours out of me like a sheared fire hydrant
 I the barometric pressure in the room change, I
 an
 ms
 My insides literally feel like they're emptying themselves out
 Legitimately afraid I'll shit out my rib cage due to the negative pressure
 l black out, with the sounds of asswater smacking against the darkmatte
 □
 Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri) 10:24:25 No. 594258747
 >-594259542 >>594259590 >>594260403 >-594260794 >>594261472
 File: 23456789583567.ipg (38 KB, 560x560)
 594257588
 ome to about an ho
 by my roommate banging on the do
 ing about something, my 5 senses are slowly dragging themselves back into
 "What the god damn fuck is that fucking smell jesus christ an
 he word'smell' before aforementioned hits me
 as
 omeone stuffed a rotting corpse in a dumpster on a hot summer day
 y was like a freight train, almost bring me back into u
 The shear po
 It was comparable to a mysterious death that leaped after me and struck me down
 es
 ompose myself and immediately begin dry heaving
 the bowl, as I realize this I stand up, feeling arn
 iceable draft up my asshole
 t paper was gonna make a difference
 no amo
 I see a near football sized mass of hybrid mat
 it's peak is risen well above the bodily fluid that had forced it out, the displacement had dange
 jutting out from the bottom of the bowl
 reached the edge
 There was still steam, l ponder for it's uses as a geothermal energy source
 I turn on the shower, I don't even bother to try flushing, it'd be as futile as a child moving a skyscraper
 lcurl up into a fetal position, and slowly sob myself to sleep in the shower
 Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:32:45 No.594259542594259828 >594259984 594265026
 File: 1418621980295.png (514 KB, 520x678)
 >594258747
 Anyways, that's the end of that story. Remember kids. MRE's
 Also I ended up having to actually take it out of the bowl and put it into like 6 plastic bags. Absolutely sure l
 could kill a man by swinging it at them in self defense. Itd be my faithful weapon of choice if the north
 attacked
Bad, Desperate, and Food: Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4 DeT 06/06/12 Wed 11:43 No. 11844972 P1020045.ipg (61 KB, 550x413) igdb google > 11845144 >> 11 845507 11849 237 Alright I'll join in the shitfest with a military poop story Exercise in southern Iran, summer, dry and hot as hell. >MREs for a few days, get reminded to chew the gum and drink water often to avoid brutal constipation >commander tells us that water samples from the trucks with water had proven to be weird or some shit, so a few trucks of water are taken out of the equation leaders do not wish to abort the exercise, but decide to substitute the water with trucks of pepsi from a nearby town >everybody gets pepsi and are told to quit whining and that during a war we won't be guaranteed an abundance of water To avoid brutal constipation I eat very little of the MREs, I get headaches and get fatigued but I manage probably lost 6kg, feels bad man >6th day, I have pooped a few times but only managed dry nuggets but I still no widespread constipation or anal-trauma in the unit >it went better than expected.gif week is over, head to town, hungry like a fucking gnu >don't even change out of dirty uniform, head to the main street >enter pizza place, order a large pizza with extra everything while they make it, go to the burger joint across the street and order 2 burgers >when they are done, go back to pizza place, stomach rumbling set up everything in front of me i look like fucking Tony Montana with that mountain of cocaine in front of him >dig into the food with the fury of a mongol horde >barely have time to chew or breathe >l am stuffing my face like a thai prostitute when a US ship is in dock >an unknown amount of customers lose appetite and leave due to my vulgar display everybody knows better than to interfere with the guy who is looking like an extra from the night of the living dead continued Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:14 No.11 845144 >> 11845148 >>11845507 >>11849237 >>11863759 >11844972 >finally done, sit back and just relax >zone out for 15 minutes or so due to gastronomical orgasm belt is too tight, lighten it that high pressure bubbling sound when your bowels are preparing to declare independence and separate from your body >again, louder, exchange a desperate look with the pizza guy l can see from his facial expression the gravity of the situation >he nods towards the toilets When I move, a symphony of low frequency noises comes from my bowels, a wave of panic washes over me as I realize that I will give birth to a plutonium roo choose toilet that is furthest away sit down and prepare for The Excursion >stomach is rumbling and bubbling, I feel a pressing need to shit, but nothing comes out >l begin to sweat profusely, anxiety and panic grabs a hold of me My entire body is sweating sweat drips from my nose Anus muscle is straining, my intestines are in uproar I relax and try push, this time I feel it, it is so hard and such a tight fit that my anus can feel every bump in the texture of the turd >suddenly it happens so fast continued. Islamic Republic of Iran !9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:15 No.11845148 211845507 car-window-550.jpg (28 KB, 550x366) igdb google 11849237 11845144 the plug that is holding in the liquid is out and the high internal pressure that have been built up causes a high pressure and high speed evacuation of the contents Like when you have been still for a long time and then stand up fast: the rapid bowel movement causes a change in blood pressure and I get tunnel vision, black dots start to appear before my eyes >I pass out for a few seconds, sitting on the toilet wake up, realize what happen and feeling eviscerated si don't even dare to look in the toilet bowl, because when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you I wipe, flush a few times, clean up the place and stagger out pale and glistening from sweat >l exchange a look with the owner of the restaurant swe do not say anything, he nods, knowing that I had been through an exercise much harder than the one in the desert. >i stare out of the window on the bus trip home, not talking to anyone
Bad, Desperate, and Food: Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4 DeT 06/06/12 Wed 11:43 No. 11844972
 P1020045.ipg (61 KB, 550x413) igdb google
 > 11845144 >> 11 845507
 11849 237
 Alright I'll join in the shitfest with a military poop story
 Exercise in southern Iran, summer, dry and hot as hell.
 >MREs for a few days, get reminded to chew the gum and drink water often to avoid brutal constipation
 >commander tells us that water samples from the trucks with water had proven to be weird or some shit, so a few trucks of water are
 taken out of the equation
 leaders do not wish to abort the exercise, but decide to substitute the water with trucks of pepsi from a nearby town
 >everybody gets pepsi and are told to quit whining and that during a war we won't be guaranteed an abundance of water
 To avoid brutal constipation I eat very little of the MREs, I get headaches and get fatigued but I manage
 probably lost 6kg, feels bad man
 >6th day, I have pooped a few times but only managed dry nuggets but I still no widespread constipation or anal-trauma in the unit
 >it went better than expected.gif
 week is over, head to town, hungry like a fucking gnu
 >don't even change out of dirty uniform, head to the main street
 >enter pizza place, order a large pizza with extra everything
 while they make it, go to the burger joint across the street and order 2 burgers
 >when they are done, go back to pizza place, stomach rumbling
 set up everything in front of me
 i look like fucking Tony Montana with that mountain of cocaine in front of him
 >dig into the food with the fury of a mongol horde
 >barely have time to chew or breathe
 >l am stuffing my face like a thai prostitute when a US ship is in dock
 >an unknown amount of customers lose appetite and leave due to my vulgar display
 everybody knows better than to interfere with the guy who is looking like an extra from the night of the living dead
 continued
 Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:14 No.11 845144 >> 11845148 >>11845507 >>11849237 >>11863759
 >11844972
 >finally done, sit back and just relax
 >zone out for 15 minutes or so due to gastronomical orgasm
 belt is too tight, lighten it
 that high pressure bubbling sound when your bowels are preparing to declare independence and separate from your body
 >again, louder, exchange a desperate look with the pizza guy
 l can see from his facial expression the gravity of the situation
 >he nods towards the toilets
 When I move, a symphony of low frequency noises comes from my bowels, a wave of panic washes over me as I realize that I will give birth to a plutonium roo
 choose toilet that is furthest away sit down and prepare for The Excursion
 >stomach is rumbling and bubbling, I feel a pressing need to shit, but nothing comes out
 >l begin to sweat profusely, anxiety and panic grabs a hold of me
 My entire body is sweating sweat drips from my nose
 Anus muscle is straining, my intestines are in uproar
 I relax and try push, this time I feel it, it is so hard and such a tight fit that my anus can feel every bump in the texture of the turd
 >suddenly it happens so fast
 continued.
 Islamic Republic of Iran !9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:15 No.11845148 211845507
 car-window-550.jpg (28 KB, 550x366) igdb google
 11849237
 11845144
 the plug that is holding in the liquid is out and the high internal pressure that have been built up causes a high pressure and high speed evacuation of the contents
 Like when you have been still for a long time and then stand up fast: the rapid bowel movement causes a change in blood pressure and I get tunnel vision, black dots start to
 appear before my eyes
 >I pass out for a few seconds, sitting on the toilet
 wake up, realize what happen and feeling eviscerated
 si don't even dare to look in the toilet bowl, because when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you
 I wipe, flush a few times, clean up the place and stagger out pale and glistening from sweat
 >l exchange a look with the owner of the restaurant
 swe do not say anything, he nods, knowing that I had been through an exercise much harder than the one in the desert.
 >i stare out of the window on the bus trip home, not talking to anyone
Anaconda, Apparently, and Bored: Anonymous Thu Jun 19 20:09:58 2014 No.21644518 Quoted by: >>2164463321644659 >2005 >19 year old 0311 in helmand province >bout one month in been in a few firefights nothing special >be on watch at an FOB at exactly zero-dark-thirty bored as dick >decide its perfect time to chew, i refuse to smoke, gives a nice little target >look for tin for about five minutes paying no attention to my sector >when i look up i see two eyes glowing bright red about 100 meters out >stare for a minute to see if im seeing things seyes dont move so i grab nv and look seyes are gone when i look through the scope >come back when i put the the nv down >sit and stare for a good 30 minutes eyes slowly start to move side to side in an odd motion Cont Anonymous Thu Jun 19 20:21:44 2014 No.21644659 21644518 snot so much back and forth but they go left and up and then drop suddenly and then right and down and jump up >hear weird noises, start shitting pants now let me say the afghan people are extremely devoted to the ideas of monsters and sprites and such sthink to stories ive heard and get really nervous >decide fuck it, fire a flare >quickly catch a glimpse of a large dog like creature, looked like a skinny dog but the size of a bear >grab 240 and fire >bright light out of no where from bear, blinded for a good thirty seconds >when i gain my sight back the thing is gone >never saw the eyes on watch again Ended up telling my co i saw movement so i shot of the flare and saw a haji with a bomb vest. told a few other dudes in my platoon and apparently they had seen the eyes too. scarier than any firefight ive been in
Anaconda, Apparently, and Bored: Anonymous Thu Jun 19 20:09:58 2014 No.21644518
 Quoted by: >>2164463321644659
 >2005
 >19 year old 0311 in helmand province
 >bout one month in been in a few firefights nothing special
 >be on watch at an FOB at exactly zero-dark-thirty bored as dick
 >decide its perfect time to chew, i refuse to smoke, gives a nice little target
 >look for tin for about five minutes paying no attention to my sector
 >when i look up i see two eyes glowing bright red about 100 meters out
 >stare for a minute to see if im seeing things
 seyes dont move so i grab nv and look
 seyes are gone when i look through the scope
 >come back when i put the the nv down
 >sit and stare for a good 30 minutes
 eyes slowly start to move side to side in an odd motion
 Cont
 Anonymous Thu Jun 19 20:21:44 2014 No.21644659
 21644518
 snot so much back and forth but they go left and up and then drop suddenly and then right and down and jump up
 >hear weird noises, start shitting pants
 now let me say the afghan people are extremely devoted to the ideas of monsters and sprites and such
 sthink to stories ive heard and get really nervous
 >decide fuck it, fire a flare
 >quickly catch a glimpse of a large dog like creature, looked like a skinny dog but the size of a bear
 >grab 240 and fire
 >bright light out of no where from bear, blinded for a good thirty seconds
 >when i gain my sight back the thing is gone
 >never saw the eyes on watch again
 Ended up telling my co i saw movement so i shot of the flare and saw a haji with a bomb vest. told a few other dudes in my
 platoon and apparently they had seen the eyes too. scarier than any firefight ive been in
4chan, Apparently, and Asian: File: hooka ipg (86 KB, 620x465) Anonymous (ID: akBunFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:29:45 No.576373696 Story time /bi/ >be me >be sophomore in college >spring break decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros >I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave >Dave was a fucking wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh >In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight >Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row >After a few hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inebriated >Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night >Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great fucking time We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict hooker >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack whore, continue to walk >As we were about to walk by, this hooker said something that I'll never be able to forget >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't shit on my face" Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care Hooker takes us all down to an alley, then proceeds to lay down with her face upwards Anonymous (ID: ak8UhF LO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:30:33 No.5763738162576374049 >"Okay try to shit on my face" >Dave goes first. >Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict whore's forehead, she blows on his asshole >Asshole immediately shrivels up like a dehydrated raisin, Dave literally can not shit on her face >My turn next stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake I squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive shit log stirring within me I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment >Just as I felt the tip of my shit touching the ring on my asshole, a great wind swept up from the prostitute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter >Just as Dave had failed before me, I was unnsuccessful in my quest >Hooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can shit on her face >Hooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our journey back to the hotel defeated >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to shit on the hooker's face >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back whatever.gif >Our plane leaves the next moming, so this night was our last in San Francisco We decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the hooker, we decided not to spend >Find this nasty "chinese" buffet >Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff Anonymous (D: CKBUNFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:32:03 No.576374040 >Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing >We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face >"We're going to get our money back >Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave >Dave runs out of the hotel to go find the hooker from the night before >Friends and I have no choice but to follow >Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the feriocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before >Finally arrive at the alley where we met the hooker before >Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same comer >Dave groans through clenched teeth "We want to try and shit on your face again, double or nothing" >Hooker agrees > Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position >Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation Anonymous (ID: akBUnFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:33: 13 No.576374230 Before the hooker even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy anal terror the likes of which no man should ever witness Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid shit spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks >The hooker's screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and > The shit continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open >Hooker attempts to protect her already scat-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's anal explosion Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep >Dave turns around, bare ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be compared to a nuclear blast in order to assess the damage >The Hooker is literally covered from head to toe in shit, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz >She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still, put into shock by the force of Dave's shit sDave tums to us with a serious expression on his face,bare ass still exposed to the breeze >"Holy fuck I've killed her The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in shit, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo >Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley >Still don't know what happened to that hooker, or if she even survived Anon sees some shit
4chan, Apparently, and Asian: File: hooka ipg (86 KB, 620x465)
 Anonymous (ID: akBunFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:29:45 No.576373696
 Story time /bi/
 >be me
 >be sophomore in college
 >spring break
 decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros
 >I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave
 >Dave was a fucking wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh
 >In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight
 >Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives
 Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran
 Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row
 >After a few hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inebriated
 >Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night
 >Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great fucking time
 We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict hooker
 >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack whore, continue to walk
 >As we were about to walk by, this hooker said something that I'll never be able to forget
 >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't shit on my face"
 Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care
 Hooker takes us all down to an alley, then proceeds to lay down with her face upwards
 Anonymous (ID: ak8UhF LO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:30:33 No.5763738162576374049
 >"Okay try to shit on my face"
 >Dave goes first.
 >Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass
 >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict whore's forehead, she blows on his asshole
 >Asshole immediately shrivels up like a dehydrated raisin, Dave literally can not shit on her face
 >My turn next
 stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake
 I squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive shit log stirring within me
 I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment
 >Just as I felt the tip of my shit touching the ring on my asshole, a great wind swept up from the prostitute's mouth and instantly closed the
 gates of my sphincter
 >Just as Dave had failed before me, I was unnsuccessful in my quest
 >Hooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can shit on her face
 >Hooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our journey back to the hotel defeated
 >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave
 Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to shit on the hooker's face
 >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back
 whatever.gif
 >Our plane leaves the next moming, so this night was our last in San Francisco
 We decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the hooker, we decided not to spend
 >Find this nasty "chinese" buffet
 >Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff
 Anonymous (D: CKBUNFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:32:03 No.576374040
 >Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing
 >We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face
 >"We're going to get our money back
 >Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave
 >Dave runs out of the hotel to go find the hooker from the night before
 >Friends and I have no choice but to follow
 >Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the feriocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey
 Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before
 >Finally arrive at the alley where we met the hooker before
 >Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same comer
 >Dave groans through clenched teeth "We want to try and shit on your face again, double or nothing"
 >Hooker agrees
 > Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position
 >Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation
 Anonymous (ID: akBUnFLO)
 10/28/14(Tue)23:33: 13 No.576374230
 Before the hooker even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy anal terror the
 likes of which no man should ever witness
 Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid shit spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks
 >The hooker's screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and
 > The shit continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open
 >Hooker attempts to protect her already scat-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's anal explosion
 Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep
 >Dave turns around, bare ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be compared to a nuclear blast in order to assess the damage
 >The Hooker is literally covered from head to toe in shit, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz
 >She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still, put into shock by the force of Dave's shit
 sDave tums to us with a serious expression on his face,bare ass still exposed to the breeze
 >"Holy fuck I've killed her
 The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in shit, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo
 >Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley
 >Still don't know what happened to that hooker, or if she even survived
Anon sees some shit

Anon sees some shit

Apparently, Ass, and Bad: 2517170125 Second semester, tnings have gone pretty smohly, Tm holding a 3.5 GPA my highest grade in Med and Whitng Crnig on the sther hand is a mess Holds a low 2 scmaihing GA athoug"๑ acts lik» h* doesnt gie afurk Craig begins to act crazier anc crazier Not the drug cracy, but the mentaly insane crazy i tell my girfhiend at the time about Caig since i have 2 classes with him, and he's alwarys on my mind in them giend aughs, buit being the sensve girl she is says I should invte im over conirces me he is ant-social and deesnt know how ta act around other people go up to craig in my third class ard asked hm he wanted to go out for lunch he stutters and ther randonly goes "Only fthen rger party allows mer he says sormithng eise about mang tte baat capaciy tom ea to amenca 2% iftstead σ 2U, fet ne actual context, but ศ was fandom as tuck comes out of counter to greet im and even fucking hgs the gross ba craig is frszen solid when she hugs hem he makes eye contact with me girtiend gets us a couple sandwiches and goes back to work myseltron the hell sha she says I should invte him over for dinner tonight eating dirner g is tying to make small talk with crig, but hes just being awloranc as fuck Cont (comment was too long) hene's the rest g asks "so how are you liking college craig "Uh eh uh there's a lot of black people no joke, he acted racist as fuck, but didn't really seem like the racist type g awkwardly laugh, I just shoot her a look like the hell is this kid on rind you. cag is not a huge whale, but he's a falass nothing close to shape, bภ then again, not a erags asks "bathroom" not even wher"'s the bathroom" he just says "batroom. Ike a demand owe had a tiny ass apartment, one room, one kitchen, one bathroom yet craig still fucks up inding the bathroom grthiend gets up to show him g and craig leave behind wall suddenly, ike Iiterally 5 seconds ater they leave my sight I hear a slam and a Craig and some cries from i jump up and mun over and see craig trying to man handle her to the ground, sadly this tiny girl like 150lbs, 510) is stronger then him pi join in and throw craig away from her craig falls, but gets up so reaking fast and dashes out the door like a lightning bot we just stand there shocked i go to the phone to call the stupid ass gf says "nol he's just and has no reason, but she doesnt want me to call see craig in >he's in the back of the ow so i go sit by him hes actually tucking watching pom in the middie of a lecture dont even want to deal with this guy. leave and sit in front of eraig Jesus what the fuck craig. ask him why the hel he toucnes my girthiend ater she was so treaking nice to hi go on about how she was the only penson in the world that would even give him a hug he starts crying silently now i feel bad, even thought this fucker tried raping my girthiend >gf must han gotten to me.ณt patting him on the back he sobs dont knowl i dont knowl 1 dont know repeat for about a minute he then again goes on about a the "igger party"I mean we Craig >come to the concluson he's sther iyectng meth ito his bran(yeahiknow it' tot possibl, jast go wit) or hereany is an ant-socul tek >she's mad about what he did bu止1pdthe phone up bahis sobbening and cragrandomly blurts TM SORRY JESSCAT WAS THE NOGER PARTY craig what the fuck man? what he DOT MEA. i haven no idea, el her he keeps ambling about some n-awond party (yes i said n-wd she actualy tells me to inuite him over for dinner once again craig "eally? jessica said so ugh yeah, she did eraig grins from ear to -sit down, i was going to cook the dinner tonight, but dont want of out of my sight with crag craig actually fucking cemplans about the quality, saying he can't eat this sli blut eat t you dipshit and stop being disrespectu gt hts me on arm and goes to comfort craig because he's sobbing again the actual tuck 3im not even a mean guy im ane of the nicest at my school, but craig is a fucking weirdo e again tnes to craig asks for the bathroom and we both look at eachother creeped out no fucking joke, craig actaully asks my g to show him agan i stat whisper-ighting with my g about how she is beyond stupid inviting this sicko to our house again oshe says Rs better for him, and im being selfish she keeps saying "f you were like that, wouldint you want somebody like us to do this for you dafuq? craig has been goe for mone than 10 minutes stop calling him a freakf she said, i got up to check on him knock on bathroom door,no response, knock agan, still no response get thoughts about craig suicide in my bathroom think you know CRAIG IS SITTING ON OUR BED MASTURBATING BUT IT GETS WORSE craig what the fuck are you doing" i screamed, he practically jumped out of his skin and threw up his hands up with his hands went a pair of a FUCKING BIKINI SUIT of my girthiend he was masturbating into my gfs panties the actual fuck craig fcomes running yeling "what happened what she see's craig haif saked >see's panties cum stains on them craig, no fucking joke,gets up and tries to dash by us ot this time buddy and signal my of to call the cops this time she Enaly fucking agrees i wanted to so badly punch him in the face, but didn cops amive, three c apparently my g told them about the rape only cops come nushing into the house,iclear a way othere's about 5 cops in front of craig telling him to put his hands behind his head, yelling t File: 1385009212117 19(31 KB, 413 551, craig ipg) Craig. despte having 5 cops in front of him, dashes for the door othree cops tackle him right away and he squeals like a pig g starts and for the tagwho sad she's cheating on me, that's stupidrs caled othree of the fve cops pul Craig up and tears drip down his face ng sensitive looking back on it, it wasn't the nght move but it was wlynce ofher) omeanwhle im like what the fuck is going on in my house two cops come up to us and attept to get details 거 tell them everything. tom how he was "school, the porn on his laptop duing the lecture, the rape attempt the tappng n the parties athough i do t as professionally as possible, the cops have a twisted look on their face bcops leave and apolagize for everything and say to have a good night we dont fnish dinner, just clean dishes spend the net hour and half in silence t.x on but mot watching ittalk here and there, but mothing really go to bed, next couple of weeks are really hard om both of us, not really for me, but for my g about 3 months later 1 learn Craig was admitted to an asylum have a lot of anger against him, have bad thoughts about him about 5 months later 1 leam crag committed suicide the note was cant descnbet the pic is the note, i just cannot beleve al of this happened n my 1 e but for some reasons wasnt. i don know how to feel, and i guess i never wi very time·read this O e i get more emotion, d rent then belore. craig could have been something special ac 9 Lq
Apparently, Ass, and Bad: 2517170125
 Second semester, tnings have gone pretty smohly, Tm holding a 3.5 GPA my highest grade in Med and Whitng
 Crnig on the sther hand is a mess
 Holds a low 2 scmaihing GA athoug"๑ acts lik» h* doesnt gie afurk
 Craig begins to act crazier anc crazier
 Not the drug cracy, but the mentaly insane crazy
 i tell my girfhiend at the time about Caig since i have 2 classes with him, and he's alwarys on my mind in them
 giend aughs, buit being the sensve girl she is says I should invte im over
 conirces me he is ant-social and deesnt know how ta act around other people
 go up to craig in my third class ard asked hm he wanted to go out for lunch
 he stutters and ther randonly goes "Only fthen rger party allows mer
 he says sormithng eise about mang tte baat capaciy tom
 ea to amenca 2% iftstead σ 2U,
 fet
 ne actual context, but ศ was fandom as tuck
 comes out of counter to greet im and even fucking hgs the gross ba
 craig is frszen solid when she hugs hem he makes eye contact with me
 girtiend gets us a couple sandwiches and goes back to work
 myseltron the
 hell sha
 she says I should invte him over for dinner tonight
 eating dirner g is tying to make small talk with crig, but hes just being awloranc as fuck
 Cont
 (comment was too long) hene's the rest
 g asks "so how are you liking college
 craig "Uh eh uh there's a lot of black people
 no joke, he acted racist as fuck, but didn't really seem like the racist type
 g awkwardly laugh, I just shoot her a look like the hell is this kid on
 rind you. cag is not a huge whale, but he's a falass nothing close to shape, bภ then again, not a
 erags asks "bathroom" not even wher"'s the bathroom" he just says "batroom. Ike a demand
 owe had a tiny ass apartment, one room, one kitchen, one bathroom yet craig still fucks up inding the bathroom
 grthiend gets up to show him
 g and craig leave behind wall
 suddenly, ike Iiterally 5 seconds ater they leave my sight I hear a slam and a Craig and some cries from
 i jump up and mun over and see craig trying to man handle her to the ground, sadly this tiny girl like 150lbs, 510) is stronger then him
 pi join in and throw craig away from her
 craig falls, but gets up so reaking fast and dashes out the door like a lightning bot
 we just stand there shocked
 i go to the phone to call the
 stupid ass gf says "nol he's just and has no reason, but she doesnt want me to call
 see craig in
 >he's in the back of the ow so i go sit by him
 hes actually tucking watching pom in the middie of a lecture
 dont even want to deal with this guy. leave and sit in front of eraig
 Jesus what the fuck craig.
 ask him why the hel he toucnes my girthiend ater she was so treaking nice to hi
 go on about how she was the only penson in the world that would even give him a hug
 he starts crying silently
 now i feel bad, even thought this fucker tried raping my girthiend
 >gf must han gotten to me.ณt patting him on the back
 he sobs dont knowl i dont knowl 1 dont know repeat for about a minute
 he then again goes on about a the "igger party"I mean we Craig
 >come to the concluson he's sther iyectng meth ito his bran(yeahiknow it'
 tot possibl, jast go wit) or hereany is an ant-socul tek
 >she's mad about what he did bu止1pdthe phone up bahis sobbening and cragrandomly blurts TM SORRY JESSCAT WAS THE NOGER PARTY
 craig what the fuck man? what he
 DOT MEA.
 i haven no idea, el her he keeps ambling about some n-awond party (yes i said n-wd
 she actualy tells me to inuite him over for dinner once again
 craig "eally? jessica said so
 ugh yeah, she did
 eraig grins from ear to
 -sit down, i was going to cook the dinner tonight, but dont want of out of my sight with crag
 craig actually fucking cemplans about the quality, saying he can't eat this sli
 blut eat t you dipshit and stop being disrespectu
 gt hts me on arm and goes to comfort craig because he's sobbing again
 the actual tuck
 3im not even a mean guy im ane of the nicest at my school, but craig is a fucking weirdo
 e again tnes to
 craig asks for the bathroom and we both look at eachother creeped out
 no fucking joke, craig actaully asks my g to show him agan
 i stat whisper-ighting with my g about how she is beyond stupid inviting this sicko to our house again
 oshe says Rs better for him, and im being selfish
 she keeps saying "f you were like that, wouldint you want somebody like us to do this for you
 dafuq?
 craig has been goe for mone than 10 minutes
 stop calling him a freakf she said, i got up to check on him
 knock on bathroom door,no response, knock agan, still no response
 get thoughts about craig suicide in my bathroom
 think
 you know
 CRAIG IS SITTING ON OUR BED MASTURBATING
 BUT IT GETS WORSE
 craig what the fuck are you doing" i screamed, he practically jumped out of his skin and threw up his hands
 up with his hands went a pair of a FUCKING BIKINI SUIT of my girthiend
 he was masturbating into my gfs panties
 the actual fuck craig
 fcomes running yeling "what happened what
 she see's craig haif saked
 >see's panties
 cum stains on them
 craig, no fucking joke,gets up and tries to dash by us
 ot this time buddy and signal my of to call the cops
 this time she Enaly fucking agrees
 i wanted to so badly punch him in the face, but didn
 cops amive, three c
 apparently my g told them about the rape only
 cops come nushing into the house,iclear a way
 othere's about 5 cops in front of craig telling him to put his hands behind his head, yelling t
 File: 1385009212117 19(31 KB, 413 551, craig ipg)
 Craig. despte having 5 cops in front of him, dashes for the door
 othree cops tackle him right away and he squeals like a pig
 g starts
 and for the tagwho sad she's cheating on me, that's stupidrs caled
 othree of the fve cops pul Craig up and tears drip down his face
 ng sensitive looking back on it, it wasn't the nght move but it was wlynce ofher)
 omeanwhle im like what the fuck is going on in my house
 two cops come up to us and attept to get details
 거 tell them everything. tom how he was "school, the porn on his laptop duing the lecture, the rape attempt the tappng n the parties
 athough i do t as professionally as possible, the cops have a twisted look on their face
 bcops leave and apolagize for everything and say to have a good night
 we dont fnish dinner, just clean dishes
 spend the net hour and half in silence t.x on but mot watching ittalk here and there, but mothing really
 go to bed, next couple of weeks are really hard om both of us, not really for me, but for my g
 about 3 months later 1 learn Craig was admitted to an asylum
 have a lot of anger against him, have bad thoughts about him
 about 5 months later 1 leam crag committed suicide
 the note was cant descnbet the pic is the note, i just cannot beleve al of this happened n my 1 e
 but for some reasons wasnt. i don know how to feel, and i guess i never wi
 very time·read this
 O e i get more emotion, d
 rent then belore. craig could have been something special
 ac
 9
 Lq
Fire, Fuck You, and Fucking: B7ykhpZCMAImKPRipg (67 KB, 600x438) google igdb wait Anonymous 08/07/16(Sun)09:46:51 No.30903012 30903052 3090305830903079> 30903110 3090315130903168 30903205 30903248 3090331730903518 30903524 3090353730903653 >30903688 30904260 >3090426830904343 3090435330904581 >>30905773>30906176 30906196 >3090621130906252> 30906715 >3090983230910199 A fairy appears and says you can have any single gun in the world for free. You cannot sell the gun or trade it you must keep it If your country has any firearm laws preventing it, they make an exception for youu What do you choose and why? Anonymous 08/07/16(Sun)09:50:15 No 30903048 Orban cannon. 69dab 1104ed5403415 18552. ig (55 KB, 736x489) google igdb wait Anonymous 08107/16(Sun)10:42:34 No.30903561 30903650 230910185 EU says goodbye ing (79 KB, 500x319) google igdb wait If the wish includes unlimited ammo, pic related. DORA and i dont need to explain why be anon magical fairy shows up says I can have any gun I want evil grin spreads across my face 거CH VIL HAB DER SCHERER GUSTAV, BITTE -I'm not even german fairy rolls its eyes and flicks wand marvel of german engineering appears in my back yard and also my neighbour garys yard fuck you gary, I dare you to say something about this fucking gary Anyway l start wondering what to shoot it at suddenly it comes to me all those fucking years all that lunch money all the wedgies and swirlies every single moment comes rushing back -Chad manage to ignore my endless, thundering erection long enough to have a rough idea of how to load it don't have a crane, though buy a couple floor jacks, eventually figure out a way to make it work still gunna have to muscle it around spend the next 10 days getting it ready to fire have to take breaks to masturbate to how awesome this thing is finally get it ready to fire only took 2 hernias and a torn ligament it's aimed at chad's house and his stupid fucking truck fuck you chad l know this is gunna be loud really loud double up on the earpro because Im a fucking gear queer dressed up in my German ww2 repro gear for the occasion make last minute checks FEUER fire the entire neighbourhood shakes every window shattered every car alarm going off I'm pretty sure that crack den down the street just exploded too >this is going to be on the fucking richter scale looking in the general direction of chads house see a flash and black smoke on the edge of the horizon >several seconds later, sounds like a thunder clap l can hear sirens they dont even know where to go people 5 miles away reported a gunshot people 3 miles away reported an explosion people near Chad are all fucking dead I levelled his entire neighbourhood though cops were scared it was nuclear Turns out chad was at work -prepare for the next shot fucking chad
Fire, Fuck You, and Fucking: B7ykhpZCMAImKPRipg (67 KB, 600x438) google igdb wait
 Anonymous 08/07/16(Sun)09:46:51 No.30903012 30903052 3090305830903079> 30903110 3090315130903168 30903205
 30903248 3090331730903518 30903524 3090353730903653 >30903688 30904260 >3090426830904343 3090435330904581
 >>30905773>30906176 30906196 >3090621130906252> 30906715 >3090983230910199
 A fairy appears and says you can have any single gun in the world for free. You cannot sell the gun or trade it you must keep it If your country has any firearm
 laws preventing it, they make an exception for youu
 What do you choose and why?
 Anonymous 08/07/16(Sun)09:50:15 No 30903048
 Orban cannon.
 69dab 1104ed5403415 18552. ig (55 KB, 736x489) google igdb wait
 Anonymous 08107/16(Sun)10:42:34 No.30903561 30903650 230910185
 EU says goodbye ing (79 KB, 500x319) google igdb wait
 If the wish includes unlimited ammo, pic related.
 DORA
 and i dont need to explain why
 be anon
 magical fairy shows up
 says I can have any gun I want
 evil grin spreads across my face
 거CH VIL HAB DER SCHERER GUSTAV, BITTE
 -I'm not even german
 fairy rolls its eyes and flicks wand
 marvel of german engineering appears in my back yard
 and also my neighbour garys yard
 fuck you gary, I dare you to say something about this
 fucking gary
 Anyway
 l start wondering what to shoot it at
 suddenly it comes to me
 all those fucking years
 all that lunch money
 all the wedgies and swirlies
 every single moment comes rushing back
 -Chad
 manage to ignore my endless, thundering erection long enough to have a rough idea of how to load it
 don't have a crane, though
 buy a couple floor jacks, eventually figure out a way to make it work
 still gunna have to muscle it around
 spend the next 10 days getting it ready to fire
 have to take breaks to masturbate to how awesome this thing is
 finally get it ready to fire
 only took 2 hernias and a torn ligament
 it's aimed at chad's house
 and his stupid fucking truck
 fuck you chad
 l know this is gunna be loud
 really loud
 double up on the earpro because Im a fucking gear queer
 dressed up in my German ww2 repro gear for the occasion
 make last minute checks
 FEUER
 fire
 the entire neighbourhood shakes
 every window shattered
 every car alarm going off
 I'm pretty sure that crack den down the street just exploded too
 >this is going to be on the fucking richter scale
 looking in the general direction of chads house
 see a flash and black smoke on the edge of the horizon
 >several seconds later, sounds like a thunder clap
 l can hear sirens
 they dont even know where to go
 people 5 miles away reported a gunshot
 people 3 miles away reported an explosion
 people near Chad are all fucking dead
 I levelled his entire neighbourhood though
 cops were scared it was nuclear
 Turns out chad was at work
 -prepare for the next shot
 fucking chad