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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story
 So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole
 time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I
 go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if
 any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are
 these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they
 are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get
 completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all
 over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no
 worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to
 concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my
 struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the
 huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out
 of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look
 closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me
 with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to
 my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes!
 This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!!
 and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to
 struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It
 reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for
 gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows
 down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure
 death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my
 chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time
 knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to
 squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't
 give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle
 cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled
 pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I
 emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my
 improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate
 Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
epicjohndoe:

This Man Should Write A Novel

epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel

Tumblr, Blog, and Http: milk-sockets: untitled, from the series maria, 2007 - pinar yolacan 
Tumblr, Blog, and Http: milk-sockets:
untitled, from the series maria, 2007 - pinar yolacan 

milk-sockets: untitled, from the series maria, 2007 - pinar yolacan 

Ass, CoCo, and Crush: me when my pet does literally anything I think my homie dog retarded. Hear me out, this dog has to be a product of incest or some other sick twisted experiment. The dog name was Toby. Now who the fuck names they dog after a character from roots? You already know he strong as fuck. Second the dog had 3 eye balls. With two eye sockets. His left eye look like a cell that’s in the middle of mitosis. It had two pupils not just one. And it didn’t even bark. I went to pet him and he said Moo. Nigga momma got fucked by a cow. That’s some down south shit. So my boy Frankie went to get pussy from my next door crush. Me being a good friend decided to watch him. I never had a dog and this was the first opportunity to practice. I bought Toby in the house cause it was cold outside and I wanted to play. I’m eating breakfast at the table when he just looking at me. This dog ain’t even blink. I’m having a starring contest with Tien from Dragon ball. I think he hungry but I didn’t have dog food. He wasn’t getting my left over KFC in the fridge so I give him some coco puffs. Within minutes this boy going wild. He CooCoo Co Co puffs. He sound like a cow at a slaughter house mooing continuously. I think he like the cereal so I give him more. Little did I know dogs can’t eat chocolate. when you black the only remedy you have to fix any problem is vix. I bring Toby to the bathroom cabinet to get the vix when. He starts shitting up a storm. This was a worse sight then 2 girls one cup. Boy done started running around my house just shitting on any and everything. I’m chasing Toby slipping on dog shit like banana peels from Mario kart. Toby runs head first into my fridge. My refrigerator tips like a domino and tilts back and falls on Toby. This the first time I see a fridge catch a dent from a dog. Toby built different How ima explain to my mom why my fridge broke and house smells like hobo socks and syphilis? Smell felt like I was in a gas chamber. I run to the window yelling for help. No one came. My boy Frankie was deep in some pussy while I’m deep in some shit. My momma came home from work and whooped my ass. To this day I hate dogs.
Ass, CoCo, and Crush: me when my pet does literally
 anything
I think my homie dog retarded. Hear me out, this dog has to be a product of incest or some other sick twisted experiment. The dog name was Toby. Now who the fuck names they dog after a character from roots? You already know he strong as fuck. Second the dog had 3 eye balls. With two eye sockets. His left eye look like a cell that’s in the middle of mitosis. It had two pupils not just one. And it didn’t even bark. I went to pet him and he said Moo. Nigga momma got fucked by a cow. That’s some down south shit. So my boy Frankie went to get pussy from my next door crush. Me being a good friend decided to watch him. I never had a dog and this was the first opportunity to practice. I bought Toby in the house cause it was cold outside and I wanted to play. I’m eating breakfast at the table when he just looking at me. This dog ain’t even blink. I’m having a starring contest with Tien from Dragon ball. I think he hungry but I didn’t have dog food. He wasn’t getting my left over KFC in the fridge so I give him some coco puffs. Within minutes this boy going wild. He CooCoo Co Co puffs. He sound like a cow at a slaughter house mooing continuously. I think he like the cereal so I give him more. Little did I know dogs can’t eat chocolate. when you black the only remedy you have to fix any problem is vix. I bring Toby to the bathroom cabinet to get the vix when. He starts shitting up a storm. This was a worse sight then 2 girls one cup. Boy done started running around my house just shitting on any and everything. I’m chasing Toby slipping on dog shit like banana peels from Mario kart. Toby runs head first into my fridge. My refrigerator tips like a domino and tilts back and falls on Toby. This the first time I see a fridge catch a dent from a dog. Toby built different How ima explain to my mom why my fridge broke and house smells like hobo socks and syphilis? Smell felt like I was in a gas chamber. I run to the window yelling for help. No one came. My boy Frankie was deep in some pussy while I’m deep in some shit. My momma came home from work and whooped my ass. To this day I hate dogs.

I think my homie dog retarded. Hear me out, this dog has to be a product of incest or some other sick twisted experiment. The dog name was T...

Life, Memes, and Work: Body Weight Squat quaddoc Derp Face Knee Collapse Valgus Arch Falls No Foot Activation Happy face No Knee Collapse Foot Muscles Activated Arch held THIS QUICK TEST COULD TELL YOU WHY YOUR BODY HURTS I know what you're thinking...why do a bodyweight squat? 😣 Could I be a little obsessed squats? I may be 😏 but I will never tell you. HOWEVER a bodyweight squat is a great way to look at multiple joints moving within a given motion. More specifically we are looking to see what the feet and knees are doing in the bottom position. . So drop into a squat and compare your bottom position to @quaddoc's. Are you the ✅ or ❌? . Ideally, we are looking for the knees to track out over the middle of the foot so you give the pelvis room to rotate over the femur. If you collapse in, the hip internally rotates and can lead to a pinching feeling in the groin or crease of the hip. . Fun Anatomy Fact 🤓: Pelvis + Femur = Hip. Think of it like a ball and socket. . If you are the ❌ fear not. This simply means we got some work to do such as building up hip and foot stability. Start by gripping the ground with the foot, especially at the big toe and then pull the knees out wide so that you engage the glutes. Adding a light band around the knees can be great feedback to make sure you push out throughout the movement. . You may also see variations as in one foot may cave while the other one doesn't. If you are seeing your joints buckling under your own weight, there's a good chance it's happening anytime you add speed or load, so hopefully this sheds some 💡 light as to why you are feeling pain-discomfort in your daily life. . Comment below 👇 share your results. MyodetoxOrlando Myodetox
Life, Memes, and Work: Body Weight Squat
 quaddoc
 Derp Face
 Knee
 Collapse
 Valgus
 Arch Falls
 No Foot
 Activation
 Happy face
 No Knee
 Collapse
 Foot Muscles
 Activated
 Arch held
THIS QUICK TEST COULD TELL YOU WHY YOUR BODY HURTS I know what you're thinking...why do a bodyweight squat? 😣 Could I be a little obsessed squats? I may be 😏 but I will never tell you. HOWEVER a bodyweight squat is a great way to look at multiple joints moving within a given motion. More specifically we are looking to see what the feet and knees are doing in the bottom position. . So drop into a squat and compare your bottom position to @quaddoc's. Are you the ✅ or ❌? . Ideally, we are looking for the knees to track out over the middle of the foot so you give the pelvis room to rotate over the femur. If you collapse in, the hip internally rotates and can lead to a pinching feeling in the groin or crease of the hip. . Fun Anatomy Fact 🤓: Pelvis + Femur = Hip. Think of it like a ball and socket. . If you are the ❌ fear not. This simply means we got some work to do such as building up hip and foot stability. Start by gripping the ground with the foot, especially at the big toe and then pull the knees out wide so that you engage the glutes. Adding a light band around the knees can be great feedback to make sure you push out throughout the movement. . You may also see variations as in one foot may cave while the other one doesn't. If you are seeing your joints buckling under your own weight, there's a good chance it's happening anytime you add speed or load, so hopefully this sheds some 💡 light as to why you are feeling pain-discomfort in your daily life. . Comment below 👇 share your results. MyodetoxOrlando Myodetox

THIS QUICK TEST COULD TELL YOU WHY YOUR BODY HURTS I know what you're thinking...why do a bodyweight squat? 😣 Could I be a little obsessed s...