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America, God, and Head: penfairy Throwback to the time my poor German teacher had to explain the concept of formal and informal pronouns to a class full of Australians and everyone was scandalised and loudly complained "why can't I treat everyone the same?" " don't want to be a Sie!" "but being friendly is respectful! "wouldn't using du' just show I like them?" until one guy conceded "I suppose maybe l'd use Sie with someone like the prime minister, if he weren't such a cunt" and my teacher ended up with her head in her hands saying "you are all banned from using du until I can trust you Cdeflare God help Japanese teachers in Australia. languageoclock if this isnt an accurate representation of australia idk what is derinthemadscientist Australia's reverse-formality respect culture is fascinating. We don't even really think about it until we try to communicate or learn about another culture and the rules that are pretty standard for most of the world just feel so wrong. I went to America this one time and I kept automatically thinking that strangers using 'sir' and 'ma'am' were sassing me. Australians could not be trusted with a language with ingrained tiers of formal address. The most formal forms would immediately become synonyms for 'go fuck yourself and if you weren't using the most informal version possible within three sentences of meeting someone they'd take it to mean you hated them. hollowedskin 100% true. the difference between "scuse me" and "excuse me" is a fistfight Source: penfairy Stay awake at FUNSubstance.com AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OUI OUI OUI
America, God, and Head: penfairy
 Throwback to the time my poor German teacher had to
 explain the concept of formal and informal pronouns to a
 class full of Australians and everyone was scandalised and
 loudly complained "why can't I treat everyone the same?" "
 don't want to be a Sie!" "but being friendly is respectful!
 "wouldn't using du' just show I like them?" until one guy
 conceded "I suppose maybe l'd use Sie with someone like the
 prime minister, if he weren't such a cunt" and my teacher
 ended up with her head in her hands saying "you are all
 banned from using du until I can trust you
 Cdeflare
 God help Japanese teachers in Australia.
 languageoclock
 if this isnt an accurate representation of australia idk what is
 derinthemadscientist
 Australia's reverse-formality respect culture is fascinating. We
 don't even really think about it until we try to communicate or
 learn about another culture and the rules that are pretty
 standard for most of the world just feel so wrong. I went to
 America this one time and I kept automatically thinking that
 strangers using 'sir' and 'ma'am' were sassing me.
 Australians could not be trusted with a language with
 ingrained tiers of formal address. The most formal forms
 would immediately become synonyms for 'go fuck yourself
 and if you weren't using the most informal version possible
 within three sentences of meeting someone they'd take it to
 mean you hated them.
 hollowedskin
 100% true.
 the difference between "scuse me" and "excuse me" is a
 fistfight
 Source: penfairy
 Stay awake at FUNSubstance.com
AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OUI OUI OUI

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OUI OUI OUI

Bad, Children, and Facebook: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com Michael the gorilla was taught sign language by Koko, the first signing gorilla. He began signing "Squash meat gorilla. Mouth tooth Cry sharp-noise loud. Bad think-trouble look- face. Cut/neck lip (girl) hole." Researchers believed this was a description of the poaching death of his mother. did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com Cohen Gi n facebook.com/didyouknowblog death-limes: venipede: osteophagy: endcetaceanexploitation: Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language. One of Washoe’s caretakers was pregnant and missed work for many weeks after she miscarried. Roger Fouts recounts the following situation: “People who should be there for her and aren’t are often given the cold shoulder—her way of informing them that she’s miffed at them. Washoe greeted Kat [the caretaker] in just this way when she finally returned to work with the chimps. Kat made her apologies to Washoe, then decided to tell her the truth, signing “MY BABY DIED.” Washoe stared at her, then looked down. She finally peered into Kat’s eyes again and carefully signed “CRY”, touching her cheek and drawing her finger down the path a tear would make on a human (Chimpanzees don’t shed tears). Kat later remarked that one sign told her more about Washoe and her mental capabilities than all her longer, grammatically perfect sentences.“ [23] Washoe herself lost two children; one baby died shortly after birth of a heart defect, the other baby, Sequoyah, died of a staph infection at two months of age. more about Washoe: after the death of her children, researchers were determined to have Washoe raise a baby and brought in a ten month chimpanzee named Loulis. one of the caretakers went to Washoe’s enclosure and signed “i have a baby for you.” Washoe became incredibly excited, yelling and swaying from side to side, signing “baby” over and over again. then she signed “my baby.” the caretaker came back with Loulis, and Washoe’s excitement disappeared entirely. she refused to pick Loulis up, instead signing “baby” apathetically; it was clear that the baby she thought she was getting was going to be Sequoyah. eventually Washoe did approach Loulis, and by the next day the two had bonded and from then on she was utterly devoted to him. *information shamelessly paraphrased from When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Masson. Even more interestingly, after Washoe and Loulis bonded, she started teaching him American Sign Language the same way that human parents teach their children language. It only took Loulis eight days to learn his first sign from Washoe, and aside from the seven that his human handlers learned around him, he learned to speak in ASL just as fluently as Washoe and was able to communicate with humans in the same way she could. now if y'all don’t think this is the tightest shit you can get outta my face
Bad, Children, and Facebook: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 Michael the gorilla was taught sign language
 by Koko, the first signing gorilla. He began
 signing "Squash meat gorilla. Mouth tooth
 Cry sharp-noise loud. Bad think-trouble look-
 face. Cut/neck lip (girl) hole." Researchers
 believed this was a description of the
 poaching death of his mother.
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 Cohen Gi n facebook.com/didyouknowblog
death-limes:

venipede:

osteophagy:

endcetaceanexploitation:

Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language.
One of Washoe’s caretakers was pregnant and missed work for many weeks after she miscarried. Roger Fouts recounts the following situation:
“People who should be there for her and aren’t are often given the cold shoulder—her way of informing them that she’s miffed at them. Washoe greeted Kat [the caretaker] in just this way when she finally returned to work with the chimps. Kat made her apologies to Washoe, then decided to tell her the truth, signing “MY BABY DIED.” Washoe stared at her, then looked down. She finally peered into Kat’s eyes again and carefully signed “CRY”, touching her cheek and drawing her finger down the path a tear would make on a human (Chimpanzees don’t shed tears). Kat later remarked that one sign told her more about Washoe and her mental capabilities than all her longer, grammatically perfect sentences.“ [23]
Washoe herself lost two children; one baby died shortly after birth of a heart defect, the other baby, Sequoyah, died of a staph infection at two months of age.

more about Washoe:
after the death of her children, researchers were determined to have Washoe raise a baby and brought in a ten month chimpanzee named Loulis. one of the caretakers went to Washoe’s enclosure and signed “i have a baby for you.” Washoe became incredibly excited, yelling and swaying from side to side, signing “baby” over and over again. then she signed “my baby.”
the caretaker came back with Loulis, and Washoe’s excitement disappeared entirely. she refused to pick Loulis up, instead signing “baby” apathetically; it was clear that the baby she thought she was getting was going to be Sequoyah. eventually Washoe did approach Loulis, and by the next day the two had bonded and from then on she was utterly devoted to him.
*information shamelessly paraphrased from When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Masson.

Even more interestingly, after Washoe and Loulis bonded, she started teaching him American Sign Language the same way that human parents teach their children language. It only took Loulis eight days to learn his first sign from Washoe, and aside from the seven that his human handlers learned around him, he learned to speak in ASL just as fluently as Washoe and was able to communicate with humans in the same way she could.

now if y'all don’t think this is the tightest shit you can get outta my face

death-limes: venipede: osteophagy: endcetaceanexploitation: Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language. One of Washoe’s caretakers ...

Best Friend, Fucking, and Life: 4hggebg. F. Jeffery Natsecjeff Pakistani girl poisons 18 people to death for forcing her to marry someone. She's remorseless, says it's her right to resist forced marriage Översätt från engelska 19:25-31 okt. 17 2 365 Retweets 4 244 Gillamarkeringar wikipediafacetat: tsugumihalberd: iwilleatyourenglish: sassdowflame: yassmines: aziz4m: fuckwhoyoucamewith: You’re doing amazing sweetie yasssss queeenn kill them baby! I think she just made herself my new best friend these comments are so fucking inappropriate and honestly trivialize a tragic situation. this girl was sold by her parents into what is sexual slavery dressed up as a marriage, so she tried to kill her husband to escape his abuse, but accidentally poisoned 27 people instead. 17 people died, with at least one victim being a child. Bibi has openly expressed deep regret over having accidentally killed innocent people. she was sold by her parents, the very people meant to protect her, and made into a sex slave. in her desperation, she made a mistake that cost innocent people their lives. she was then arrested by a legal system that could have prevented all of this by protecting women from sexual slavery in the first place, but won’t.  she will likely be abused in prison and sentenced to death. she’s not “queen” or your “new best friend.” she’s a young woman who has been subjected to horrors and, in an effort to fight back, accidentally committed one, a fact that is likely destroying her. She got 15 life sentences this is an unbelievably horrific event that has undoubtedly destroyed the lives of many and we all got too much brain rot to say anything but “you’re doing amazing sweetie”
Best Friend, Fucking, and Life: 4hggebg.
 F. Jeffery
 Natsecjeff
 Pakistani girl poisons 18 people
 to death for forcing her to marry
 someone. She's remorseless, says it's
 her right to resist forced marriage
 Översätt från engelska
 19:25-31 okt. 17
 2 365 Retweets
 4 244 Gillamarkeringar
wikipediafacetat:
tsugumihalberd:

iwilleatyourenglish:

sassdowflame:

yassmines:

aziz4m:


fuckwhoyoucamewith:
You’re doing amazing sweetie
yasssss queeenn


kill them baby!


I think she just made herself my new best friend 

these comments are so fucking inappropriate and honestly trivialize a tragic situation.
this girl was sold by her parents into what is sexual slavery dressed up as a marriage, so she tried to kill her husband to escape his abuse, but accidentally poisoned 27 people instead. 17 people died, with at least one victim being a child. Bibi has openly expressed deep regret over having accidentally killed innocent people.
she was sold by her parents, the very people meant to protect her, and made into a sex slave. in her desperation, she made a mistake that cost innocent people their lives. she was then arrested by a legal system that could have prevented all of this by protecting women from sexual slavery in the first place, but won’t. 
she will likely be abused in prison and sentenced to death.
she’s not “queen” or your “new best friend.” she’s a young woman who has been subjected to horrors and, in an effort to fight back, accidentally committed one, a fact that is likely destroying her.


She got 15 life sentences


this is an unbelievably horrific event that has undoubtedly destroyed the lives of many and we all got too much brain rot to say anything but “you’re doing amazing sweetie”

wikipediafacetat: tsugumihalberd: iwilleatyourenglish: sassdowflame: yassmines: aziz4m: fuckwhoyoucamewith: You’re doing amazing sweet...

Best Friend, Fucking, and Life: 4hggebg. F. Jeffery Natsecjeff Pakistani girl poisons 18 people to death for forcing her to marry someone. She's remorseless, says it's her right to resist forced marriage Översätt från engelska 19:25-31 okt. 17 2 365 Retweets 4 244 Gillamarkeringar centerist-druid-of-vermont: wikipediafacetat: tsugumihalberd: iwilleatyourenglish: sassdowflame: yassmines: aziz4m: fuckwhoyoucamewith: You’re doing amazing sweetie yasssss queeenn kill them baby! I think she just made herself my new best friend these comments are so fucking inappropriate and honestly trivialize a tragic situation. this girl was sold by her parents into what is sexual slavery dressed up as a marriage, so she tried to kill her husband to escape his abuse, but accidentally poisoned 27 people instead. 17 people died, with at least one victim being a child. Bibi has openly expressed deep regret over having accidentally killed innocent people. she was sold by her parents, the very people meant to protect her, and made into a sex slave. in her desperation, she made a mistake that cost innocent people their lives. she was then arrested by a legal system that could have prevented all of this by protecting women from sexual slavery in the first place, but won’t.  she will likely be abused in prison and sentenced to death. she’s not “queen” or your “new best friend.” she’s a young woman who has been subjected to horrors and, in an effort to fight back, accidentally committed one, a fact that is likely destroying her. She got 15 life sentences this is an unbelievably horrific event that has undoubtedly destroyed the lives of many and we all got too much brain rot to say anything but “you’re doing amazing sweetie” Props to her for trying to fight back, but it’s horrible that people who weren’t guilty of anything had to suffer for the actions of the man who did. I hope those who didn’t die recover and her parents get the slow, painful death they deserve. On top of that I hope she is somehow granted some clemency. It’s an awful situation to be sure.
Best Friend, Fucking, and Life: 4hggebg.
 F. Jeffery
 Natsecjeff
 Pakistani girl poisons 18 people
 to death for forcing her to marry
 someone. She's remorseless, says it's
 her right to resist forced marriage
 Översätt från engelska
 19:25-31 okt. 17
 2 365 Retweets
 4 244 Gillamarkeringar
centerist-druid-of-vermont:

wikipediafacetat:
tsugumihalberd:

iwilleatyourenglish:

sassdowflame:

yassmines:

aziz4m:


fuckwhoyoucamewith:
You’re doing amazing sweetie
yasssss queeenn


kill them baby!


I think she just made herself my new best friend 

these comments are so fucking inappropriate and honestly trivialize a tragic situation.
this girl was sold by her parents into what is sexual slavery dressed up as a marriage, so she tried to kill her husband to escape his abuse, but accidentally poisoned 27 people instead. 17 people died, with at least one victim being a child. Bibi has openly expressed deep regret over having accidentally killed innocent people.
she was sold by her parents, the very people meant to protect her, and made into a sex slave. in her desperation, she made a mistake that cost innocent people their lives. she was then arrested by a legal system that could have prevented all of this by protecting women from sexual slavery in the first place, but won’t. 
she will likely be abused in prison and sentenced to death.
she’s not “queen” or your “new best friend.” she’s a young woman who has been subjected to horrors and, in an effort to fight back, accidentally committed one, a fact that is likely destroying her.


She got 15 life sentences


this is an unbelievably horrific event that has undoubtedly destroyed the lives of many and we all got too much brain rot to say anything but “you’re doing amazing sweetie” 


Props to her for trying to fight back, but it’s horrible that people who weren’t guilty of anything had to suffer for the actions of the man who did. I hope those who didn’t die recover and her parents get the slow, painful death they deserve. 

On top of that I hope she is somehow granted some clemency. It’s an awful situation to be sure.

centerist-druid-of-vermont: wikipediafacetat: tsugumihalberd: iwilleatyourenglish: sassdowflame: yassmines: aziz4m: fuckwhoyoucamewit...

Advice, Af, and Bad: hm...buns @coolthottie college really be on some other shit "..and it has to be a minimum of 20 pages." You'll be writing a paper this semester" ft @coolthottie/jadasy ruby-white-rabbit: freddieandersen: inkskinned: HOW TO WRITE 20 PAGES (from one girl w/mental illness 2 the rest of u, but please keep in mind all of this is just personal Stuff That Worked for me n u might be different): first of all, and probably most importantly, make that paper about something you actually give a shit about. if you can write an essay on how long shakespeare’s dick is when you’re talking to your friends, that’s a good topic. don’t choose something u don’t care about, you will Want To Die “okay but the only topics are ones i don’t care about” talk 2 ur teacher 99% of the time if you’re like “here’s a well-thought-out thesis can i talk about this instead” they’re like “sure lmao i just couldn’t think of other paper topics to suggest” “they said no” cool find the one u hate the least and try to tie it into something u like. for example i really hated this stupid paper i had to write about a stupid book so i ended up writing about the food inside the book and whether or not it was a historically accurate depiction of food. turns out i fucking love talking about food. i also remade some of the old recipes and brought them in as part of the presentation of my project and people went fuckken nuts bc BREAD. basically i thought about “what motivates me? uh food” and followed that. it was a 45-page book about bread and i looked like a really good student when really i just love bread (somewhere, oprah smiles over me) the 20-pagers are the ones you Actually Cannot Do the night before. i know we all got real fuckken cocky back in hs when we learned how to do 5 pages in one night w/out trying too hard but 1. as a teacher now i can tell u for sure that teachers do know you rushed it, we just Don’t Care bc We’re Not Paid Enough and 2. twenty pages is not the same thing. you need to actually take the time to do it. this is the actual version of “you’re not in hs anymore” DONT lie to yourself and think “it’s fine i’ll do it in one day” you will !! Regret it!!!!  “raquel. raquel. listen to me. do you actually believe i’m capable of time management. raquel i have depression i barely manage to exist.” same. but the truth is that when i started like?? actually following the rules of timelines and taking my time etc it actually really helps mental illness. you don’t feel pressured all the time by a deadline, so your anxiety chills a little bit. small progress being acceptable means that on depression days, you don’t have to worry you’re fucking it all up. when it’s 15 minutes every day (even if it’s only 1 word a day) it feels a lot better. ask the teacher what timeline they’d recommend. they actually Know. always ask if it’s informal or formal (if you can use “I” statements or not). informal essays can rely on personal feelings and are so much easier and trust me if you find out on the day it’s due that you could have written 12 pages about your feelings instead of 12 pages of research, you will Be Very Upset i lie to myself all the time and move the deadline up. i write it in my agenda as at least 2 days before it’s due. surprise!!! i tricked u, self!!! you can’t procrastinate!!  agendas/planners need to be what actually works for you. i liked to prioritize w/colors + keep lists. i really love crossing things off lists. it’s like… a balm. for me, i usually say i have to finish the first 2 things, start the 3rd thing, and “touch” at least half the list. if i finish the whole list i get a prize. also i get to cross off everything which is so satisfying i’m sure it’s someone’s idea of a rush. there’s so many “how to” documents on these that i won’t get into it but frankly?? if you don’t write it down you will not remember it. “yes i will” no you won’t greg. just do it. write it down. write it where u can see it. not there, greg. greg, somewhere good. my friend is smart af and uses a post-it on her laptop. that doesn’t work for me bc i can just? use my hand to cover the anxiety? so choose somewhere good greg. nervous system, skeleton, meat, skin. nervous system is the thesis. skeleton is quotes/data. meat is the analysis of that data. skin is the fancy transitions + beautification.  meat goes on both sides of bone, and skin goes all around. nervous system has to touch everything. do what your teachers have been begging u to do since 3rd grade and start w/an outline. do this while you read/research. i usually have a starter thesis like “lady macbeth is a feminist ICON” then take the quotes i think fit. but if while you’re reading u realize u wanna talk about the use of feminine language and how shakespeare parallels daintiness w/sharpness, u still have a bunch of quotes you can use or not use. this works also w/research papers. just pull what u think is something u wanna talk about. copy-paste it but leave a link to where u got it. then put a bullet point under that says roughly why u mention it if you just write the outline like you’re keeping notes to yourself you’d be amazed how quickly you write the essay bc we get stuck in academic language but it’s easier to translate “this is why bees are the #bomb” into a paragraph. i mean you just rewrite your notes to yourself in academic speech. “The above passage illustrates the growing necessity of pollinators such as bees in an agricultural environment.” keep track of your sources + label them. don’t just write “(SOURCE)” instead if you’re using multiple sources use the lazygirl way which is (SA1) or whatever shorthand u have for each source. then when you need to finish your sources you go to your little source document, find the one labelled SA1 and then “Find+replace” w/the actual source. integrate quotes so it reads w/clarity which means don’t do this but if you’re running late on it and don’t have time to look up the quote u want to fit this situation, technically you can “use any” word you want (56). so yeah “there is” a moral question about it but you “can” make up quotes (79, 90). don’t “actually” do this unless you’re seriously in a crunch. which u shouldn’t be, bc u managed ur time, right? running late part 2 (which again would never happen bc you followed my advice and made a little time table for yourself but anyway if it does somehow magically happen) i really recommend using school computers to do your work. ur surrounded by people who will hold u accountable + u will focus running late pt3 on the day of it being due, around 5 PM, be honest w/yourself and see where you are. if you’re like “it needs 2 more hours” okay. but if you’re like “this is……… not started” email the teacher. they’ll be so much more receptive the earlier you do this in the process. it looks like “i’m genuinely struggling and i hope to finish this on time but i’m worried i won’t” instead of “i started this at 11:58PM and am asking for an extension”. please also just… be honest?  “my teacher won’t accept late work!” they all say that, he probably will, particularly if you have a note from the school therapist being like “lmao she’s got so many mental illnesses idek how to help her” “no he really doesn’t, he doesn’t care” you can file for disability if you have mental illness, and, in fact, you should if it’s something that often stops you from completing work on time. i didn’t bc i found that it just let me procrastinate for a longer time, but having that on file means you can go to the dean. “no!!! raquel you’re not listening i have 2 pages and he doesn’t take late work!!!!!!!!!”  okay. yeah that’s bad. but nerves, skeleton, meat, skin. what is it that you’re struggling with? is it that your can’t find any quotes to back up your thesis? impossible, tbh, you need to be more willing to purposefully misuse quotes (don’t do that). but the better option is to just change the thesis.  “i don’t even have that!!” did you. do the reading? if you even just watched the movie, you probably have an opinion on something even if it’s “this is bad.” you can use that. use why you didn’t like it to write a hate-fueled examination on how whiny the main character is and why u think the author is trying to point out how miserable cis white boys are to deal with.  “i don’t have enough sources!!!” go to wikipedia’s page about it and look @ the sources. try to like actually read some if you have time but frankly in a hurry a student (me) might be compelled to just slap the source in there.  “how the fuck do i analyze this”. u know how ppl agonize over why an actor breathed in a scene. melt into that kind of thinking. you can literally force the words to mean whatever you want. i’ve talked about word choice so specific that i based a 12-page essay on three separate uses of the words “my dear”. i talked about the possessive “my” and how it developed for like 5 of those pages. and always repeat the thesis like a million times. after every analysis you should talk about how it links to the thesis. that is like a free 3 sentences every paragraph. “i did all that and it’s still 3 pages too short” quick ways to Beef Him Up: definitions are great in research papers + essays bc you can talk about either word choice or like the definition of every process used in getting the data. also make the conclusion hella informative (it should answer “what does this mean moving forwards” most of the time, tie it into modern life or into the past). thicken ur intro with “here’s a quote from this guy about it and what he personally felt about acid-base titrations”, use a paragraph to talk about the history of the data/book, use a paragraph to talk about the modern reception of the data/book. also look for where you can use two words instead of one even tho like grammatically don’t do that. worst comes to worst, brevity is the soul of wit. most teachers prefer concise over rambling and all over the place. if you choose to scoot under the page limit, tho, your writing etc needs to be exceptionally clean. frankly i’ve only done this once and it was terrifying make computer read it aloud 2 u before u submit. “raquel….. i can’t look at it anymore”. you’re not looking @ it, you’re discovering you wrote “breath” not “breathe” and u need to change it tutoring centers exist, i worked in one, and this is how i know they actually Help and have Good Ideas ask about extra credit and do it tbh good luck…. breathe. and remember u are astronomically more important than a grade could ever be. do you have trouble writing words on paper but you know what you want to say? because that’s my personal form of useless perfectionism. like, you can tell your friend all about what you’re planning on writing, and talk about it for like 20 minutes straight? make notes for imaginary slides for an imaginary presentation on the topic oops you have an outline now! your imaginary slides? paragraphs (or if ur paper is long af, each imaginary bullet point is a paragraph and each imaginary slide is a couple pages) credit for this tip goes to my therapist. thanks amy. u solved paper writing for me and at least seven of my friends Partial credit is better than no credit at all. Only have 5 pages the day it’s due? TURN IT IN. It’s better than a zero if the teacher won’t work with you on an extension or late work
Advice, Af, and Bad: hm...buns
 @coolthottie
 college really be on some other shit
 "..and it has to be a
 minimum of 20
 pages."
 You'll be writing a
 paper this semester"
 ft
 @coolthottie/jadasy
ruby-white-rabbit:

freddieandersen:
inkskinned:

HOW TO WRITE 20 PAGES (from one girl w/mental illness 2 the rest of u, but please keep in mind all of this is just personal Stuff That Worked for me n u might be different):
first of all, and probably most importantly, make that paper about something you actually give a shit about. if you can write an essay on how long shakespeare’s dick is when you’re talking to your friends, that’s a good topic. don’t choose something u don’t care about, you will Want To Die
“okay but the only topics are ones i don’t care about” talk 2 ur teacher 99% of the time if you’re like “here’s a well-thought-out thesis can i talk about this instead” they’re like “sure lmao i just couldn’t think of other paper topics to suggest”
“they said no” cool find the one u hate the least and try to tie it into something u like. for example i really hated this stupid paper i had to write about a stupid book so i ended up writing about the food inside the book and whether or not it was a historically accurate depiction of food. turns out i fucking love talking about food. i also remade some of the old recipes and brought them in as part of the presentation of my project and people went fuckken nuts bc BREAD. basically i thought about “what motivates me? uh food” and followed that. it was a 45-page book about bread and i looked like a really good student when really i just love bread (somewhere, oprah smiles over me)
the 20-pagers are the ones you Actually Cannot Do the night before. i know we all got real fuckken cocky back in hs when we learned how to do 5 pages in one night w/out trying too hard but 1. as a teacher now i can tell u for sure that teachers do know you rushed it, we just Don’t Care bc We’re Not Paid Enough and 2. twenty pages is not the same thing. you need to actually take the time to do it. this is the actual version of “you’re not in hs anymore” DONT lie to yourself and think “it’s fine i’ll do it in one day” you will !! Regret it!!!! 
“raquel. raquel. listen to me. do you actually believe i’m capable of time management. raquel i have depression i barely manage to exist.” same. but the truth is that when i started like?? actually following the rules of timelines and taking my time etc it actually really helps mental illness. you don’t feel pressured all the time by a deadline, so your anxiety chills a little bit. small progress being acceptable means that on depression days, you don’t have to worry you’re fucking it all up. when it’s 15 minutes every day (even if it’s only 1 word a day) it feels a lot better.
ask the teacher what timeline they’d recommend. they actually Know.

always ask if it’s informal or formal (if you can use “I” statements or not). informal essays can rely on personal feelings and are so much easier and trust me if you find out on the day it’s due that you could have written 12 pages about your feelings instead of 12 pages of research, you will Be Very Upset
i lie to myself all the time and move the deadline up. i write it in my agenda as at least 2 days before it’s due. surprise!!! i tricked u, self!!! you can’t procrastinate!! 
agendas/planners need to be what actually works for you. i liked to prioritize w/colors + keep lists. i really love crossing things off lists. it’s like… a balm. for me, i usually say i have to finish the first 2 things, start the 3rd thing, and “touch” at least half the list. if i finish the whole list i get a prize. also i get to cross off everything which is so satisfying i’m sure it’s someone’s idea of a rush. there’s so many “how to” documents on these that i won’t get into it but frankly?? if you don’t write it down you will not remember it. “yes i will” no you won’t greg. just do it. write it down. write it where u can see it. not there, greg. greg, somewhere good. my friend is smart af and uses a post-it on her laptop. that doesn’t work for me bc i can just? use my hand to cover the anxiety? so choose somewhere good greg.
nervous system, skeleton, meat, skin. nervous system is the thesis. skeleton is quotes/data. meat is the analysis of that data. skin is the fancy transitions + beautification.  meat goes on both sides of bone, and skin goes all around. nervous system has to touch everything. do what your teachers have been begging u to do since 3rd grade and start w/an outline. do this while you read/research. i usually have a starter thesis like “lady macbeth is a feminist ICON” then take the quotes i think fit. but if while you’re reading u realize u wanna talk about the use of feminine language and how shakespeare parallels daintiness w/sharpness, u still have a bunch of quotes you can use or not use. this works also w/research papers. just pull what u think is something u wanna talk about. copy-paste it but leave a link to where u got it. then put a bullet point under that says roughly why u mention it
if you just write the outline like you’re keeping notes to yourself you’d be amazed how quickly you write the essay bc we get stuck in academic language but it’s easier to translate “this is why bees are the #bomb” into a paragraph. i mean you just rewrite your notes to yourself in academic speech. “The above passage illustrates the growing necessity of pollinators such as bees in an agricultural environment.”
keep track of your sources + label them. don’t just write “(SOURCE)” instead if you’re using multiple sources use the lazygirl way which is (SA1) or whatever shorthand u have for each source. then when you need to finish your sources you go to your little source document, find the one labelled SA1 and then “Find+replace” w/the actual source.
integrate quotes so it reads w/clarity which means don’t do this but if you’re running late on it and don’t have time to look up the quote u want to fit this situation, technically you can “use any” word you want (56). so yeah “there is” a moral question about it but you “can” make up quotes (79, 90). don’t “actually” do this unless you’re seriously in a crunch. which u shouldn’t be, bc u managed ur time, right?
running late part 2 (which again would never happen bc you followed my advice and made a little time table for yourself but anyway if it does somehow magically happen) i really recommend using school computers to do your work. ur surrounded by people who will hold u accountable + u will focus
running late pt3 on the day of it being due, around 5 PM, be honest w/yourself and see where you are. if you’re like “it needs 2 more hours” okay. but if you’re like “this is……… not started” email the teacher. they’ll be so much more receptive the earlier you do this in the process. it looks like “i’m genuinely struggling and i hope to finish this on time but i’m worried i won’t” instead of “i started this at 11:58PM and am asking for an extension”. please also just… be honest? 
“my teacher won’t accept late work!” they all say that, he probably will, particularly if you have a note from the school therapist being like “lmao she’s got so many mental illnesses idek how to help her”
“no he really doesn’t, he doesn’t care” you can file for disability if you have mental illness, and, in fact, you should if it’s something that often stops you from completing work on time. i didn’t bc i found that it just let me procrastinate for a longer time, but having that on file means you can go to the dean.
“no!!! raquel you’re not listening i have 2 pages and he doesn’t take late work!!!!!!!!!”  okay. yeah that’s bad. but nerves, skeleton, meat, skin. what is it that you’re struggling with? is it that your can’t find any quotes to back up your thesis? impossible, tbh, you need to be more willing to purposefully misuse quotes (don’t do that). but the better option is to just change the thesis. 
“i don’t even have that!!” did you. do the reading? if you even just watched the movie, you probably have an opinion on something even if it’s “this is bad.” you can use that. use why you didn’t like it to write a hate-fueled examination on how whiny the main character is and why u think the author is trying to point out how miserable cis white boys are to deal with. 
“i don’t have enough sources!!!” go to wikipedia’s page about it and look @ the sources. try to like actually read some if you have time but frankly in a hurry a student (me) might be compelled to just slap the source in there. 
“how the fuck do i analyze this”. u know how ppl agonize over why an actor breathed in a scene. melt into that kind of thinking. you can literally force the words to mean whatever you want. i’ve talked about word choice so specific that i based a 12-page essay on three separate uses of the words “my dear”. i talked about the possessive “my” and how it developed for like 5 of those pages. and always repeat the thesis like a million times. after every analysis you should talk about how it links to the thesis. that is like a free 3 sentences every paragraph.
“i did all that and it’s still 3 pages too short” quick ways to Beef Him Up: definitions are great in research papers + essays bc you can talk about either word choice or like the definition of every process used in getting the data. also make the conclusion hella informative (it should answer “what does this mean moving forwards” most of the time, tie it into modern life or into the past). thicken ur intro with “here’s a quote from this guy about it and what he personally felt about acid-base titrations”, use a paragraph to talk about the history of the data/book, use a paragraph to talk about the modern reception of the data/book. also look for where you can use two words instead of one even tho like grammatically don’t do that.
worst comes to worst, brevity is the soul of wit. most teachers prefer concise over rambling and all over the place. if you choose to scoot under the page limit, tho, your writing etc needs to be exceptionally clean. frankly i’ve only done this once and it was terrifying
make computer read it aloud 2 u before u submit. “raquel….. i can’t look at it anymore”. you’re not looking @ it, you’re discovering you wrote “breath” not “breathe” and u need to change it
tutoring centers exist, i worked in one, and this is how i know they actually Help and have Good Ideas
ask about extra credit and do it tbh
good luck…. breathe. and remember u are astronomically more important than a grade could ever be.


do you have trouble writing words on paper but you know what you want to say? because that’s my personal form of useless perfectionism. 
like, you can tell your friend all about what you’re planning on writing, and talk about it for like 20 minutes straight?
make notes for imaginary slides for an imaginary presentation on the topic
oops you have an outline now! your imaginary slides? paragraphs (or if ur paper is long af, each imaginary bullet point is a paragraph and each imaginary slide is a couple pages)
credit for this tip goes to my therapist. thanks amy. u solved paper writing for me and at least seven of my friends


Partial credit is better than no credit at all. Only have 5 pages the day it’s due? TURN IT IN. It’s better than a zero if the teacher won’t work with you on an extension or late work

ruby-white-rabbit: freddieandersen: inkskinned: HOW TO WRITE 20 PAGES (from one girl w/mental illness 2 the rest of u, but please keep in ...