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Boots, Vacation, and Coworkers: I put a couple layers of boot polish on one of my a coworkers boots every day he was on vacation ONE of his boots.
Boots, Vacation, and Coworkers: I put a couple layers of boot polish on one of my a coworkers boots every day he was on vacation ONE of his boots.

I put a couple layers of boot polish on one of my a coworkers boots every day he was on vacation ONE of his boots.

Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: altonzm-deactivated20170213 french recipes: if you're not making this in paris then what's the point. fuck you italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house thirdtimecharmed american recipes: buy these three can:s of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked svynakee hinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void orriculum English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that's it enjoy digitalfare Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn't quite right. I don't know what to tell you. jamesandlilys Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie % pajarosdelamancha Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts narwhal-noir Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it. moldychesee Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three dixon-arrows Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT, LICK IT, SMELL IT beckyhop Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries cuisines AND neuroses. memesandshipsgalore Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl onceuponamirror ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. jumpingjacktrash internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister's third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown piedude Irish recipes: PO TA TOES BOILTEM MASH EM STICKEM IN A STEW My cooking style is somewhere between American and Armenian. How about you?
Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: altonzm-deactivated20170213
 french recipes: if you're not making this in
 paris then what's the point. fuck you
 italian recipes: use the left leg meat
 of a pig from one of three farms in this
 specific area of tuscany, or from this day
 my grandmother will begin manifesting
 physically in your house
 thirdtimecharmed
 american recipes: buy these three can:s
 of stuff and put them in a pan congrats
 you cooked
 svynakee
 hinese recipes, as handed down from
 mother to child: season it with a pinch of this
 and some of that. you want to know the exact
 amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars.
 yell into the void
 orriculum
 English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay
 that's it enjoy
 digitalfare
 Greek recipes: You followed all the right
 steps but this isn't quite right. I don't know
 what to tell you.
 jamesandlilys
 Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
 % pajarosdelamancha
 Latinx recipes: you will never make it better
 than your abuela, face the facts
 narwhal-noir
 Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring
 over the stove. the food will be flavorful
 with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one
 will appreciate it.
 moldychesee
 Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon,
 more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy
 combination of the three
 dixon-arrows
 Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE
 DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART,
 TOUCH IT, LICK IT, SMELL IT
 beckyhop
 Every time I see this post, I learn more
 about how different countries cuisines
 AND neuroses.
 memesandshipsgalore
 Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and
 that means 500 versions of this dish that
 has 500 spices so gl
 onceuponamirror
 ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.
 jumpingjacktrash
 internet recipes: here is a heartwarming
 story about my baby sister's third birthday
 that i completely made up, and a copypaste
 from alton brown
 piedude
 Irish recipes:
 PO
 TA
 TOES
 BOILTEM
 MASH EM
 STICKEM IN A STEW
My cooking style is somewhere between American and Armenian. How about you?

My cooking style is somewhere between American and Armenian. How about you?

Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: G adversity-fear-will altonzm-deactivated20170213 french recipes: if you're not making this in paris then what's the point. fuck you italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house thirdtimecharmed american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked svynakee chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that's it enjoy digitalfare Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn't quite right. I don't knovw what to tell you. jamesandilys Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it. Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three dixon-arrows Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART TOUCH IT. LICK IT, SMELL IT beckyhop Every time l see this post, I learn more about how different countries cuisines AND neuroses. Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sisters third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown. piedude rish recipes: PO TA TOES American Midwest recipe: If it's not in a casserole dish then what the fuck are you even doing? deadmomjokes Southern US recipe: Have you tried frying it? MMMM CRISPY shinysoroka Spanish recipes: never-ending fight over whether tortilla is supposed to have onion or not. Blood will be drawn fuocogo West African Recipes: It's a metaphor, you see? You put the killing pepper right in your food, but you never eat the pepper itself never give it the power to kill you. 656,584 notes recipes around the world
Barbie, Birthday, and Facts: G adversity-fear-will
 altonzm-deactivated20170213
 french recipes: if you're not making this in
 paris then what's the point. fuck you
 italian recipes: use the left leg meat
 of a pig from one of three farms in this
 specific area of tuscany, or from this day
 my grandmother will begin manifesting
 physically in your house
 thirdtimecharmed
 american recipes: buy these three cans
 of stuff and put them in a pan congrats
 you cooked
 svynakee
 chinese recipes, as handed down from
 mother to child: season it with a pinch of this
 and some of that. you want to know the exact
 amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars.
 yell into the void.
 English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay
 that's it enjoy
 digitalfare
 Greek recipes: You followed all the right
 steps but this isn't quite right. I don't knovw
 what to tell you.
 jamesandilys
 Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
 Latinx recipes: you will never make it better
 than your abuela, face the facts
 Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring
 over the stove. the food will be flavorful
 with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one
 will appreciate it.
 Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon,
 more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy
 combination of the three
 dixon-arrows
 Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE
 DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART
 TOUCH IT. LICK IT, SMELL IT
 beckyhop
 Every time l see this post, I learn more
 about how different countries cuisines
 AND neuroses.
 Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and
 that means 500 versions of this dish that
 has 500 spices so gl
 ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.
 internet recipes: here is a heartwarming
 story about my baby sisters third birthday
 that i completely made up, and a copypaste
 from alton brown.
 piedude
 rish recipes:
 PO
 TA
 TOES
 American Midwest recipe: If it's not in
 a casserole dish then what the fuck are
 you even doing?
 deadmomjokes
 Southern US recipe: Have you tried frying it?
 MMMM CRISPY
 shinysoroka
 Spanish recipes: never-ending fight over
 whether tortilla is supposed to have onion or
 not. Blood will be drawn
 fuocogo
 West African Recipes: It's a metaphor, you
 see? You put the killing pepper right in your
 food, but you never eat the pepper itself
 never give it the power to kill you.
 656,584 notes
recipes around the world

recipes around the world

Tumblr, Blog, and Canvas: thunderstruck9: Joanna Karpowicz (Polish, b. 1976), Not Today, 2017. Acrylic on canvas, 50 x 40 cm. via jareckiworld
Tumblr, Blog, and Canvas: thunderstruck9:
Joanna Karpowicz (Polish, b. 1976), Not Today, 2017. Acrylic on canvas, 50 x 40 cm.
via jareckiworld

thunderstruck9: Joanna Karpowicz (Polish, b. 1976), Not Today, 2017. Acrylic on canvas, 50 x 40 cm. via jareckiworld

Ass, Beliebers, and Charlie: Kari Bowling Tumblr Boring The internet must hate us XD Like Comment Unfollow Post Share 2 hours ago 2 people like this Kennedy Brook Williams Imao i had mine for like 15 minutes and i just deleted it,! about an hour ago . Like、A1 Amber Renee Burchett shut the hell up. tumblr is life 2 minutes ago Like Kari Bowling no, I made one and 5 minutes later i deleted it xDD about a minute ago Like Amber Renee Burchett do not speak of tumblr in any of this sort about a minute ago Like Kari Bowling Im sorry? a few seconds ago Like Amber Renee Burchett ill post this on there and they'll find a few seconds ago Like Write a comment jared-padaleski-is-polish-now: m8snn: blue10273: 24nowait25: spirit-money: lexxiechan: samfuckingb3ttl3y: music-geek1222: pocket-full-of-cher: certainlynotwitty: loveot0my: fuckyeahfalling-in-reverse: fifty-shades-of-cumberbatch: 69ocock: garnetgivealittlelove: burningbridges97: your-heart-has-spoken-so-let-go: until-the-earth-is-free: dumbledoctor: geekerypokery: enjoi-life-now: thatfunnyblog: We found you potterheads, grab your wands whovians, hop in your TARDISes supernatural fans, get the shotguns sherlockians, hire your consulting criminals tributes, knock an arrow avengers fans, assemble lotr fans, unsheath Sting we’ve got a few people to track down Les Mis fans, build a barricade? Yes? Gleeks, grab your slushies Rizzles fans, grab your guns and scalpels Wizards and Witches, time to kick muggle ass. NCIS fans, grab your gear. Castle fans, alakazam that jackass The Last Airbender fans master your bending Assassin’s Creed fans, ready your hidden blades. Falling In Reverse fans, get Charlie. BVB Army, get on your warpaint. Slash gash Terror Crew, grab your chainsaws. VE! Coven, show your fangs. Directioners, get the fucking glitter beliebers,get the supras. Of Mice and Men fans, get squidgy. Motionless In White fans, get Officer Peppercorn and some PCP. Pierce The Veil fans, get the Sheepcat. Sleeping With Sirens fans, get Sam Link.. Naruto fans, grab your kunai Bleach fans, ready your zampakuto Homestucks get your Strife Specibus no fucking way its the actual post I’m shaking this post was never meant to be seen outside of screenshots and jokes this is one of the worst posts on tumblr I couldn’t tell if this was satire or not and I’m not sure if I want to know
Ass, Beliebers, and Charlie: Kari Bowling
 Tumblr Boring
 The internet must hate us
 XD
 Like Comment Unfollow Post Share 2 hours ago
 2 people like this
 Kennedy Brook Williams Imao i had mine for like 15 minutes and i
 just deleted it,!
 about an hour ago . Like、A1
 Amber Renee Burchett shut the hell up. tumblr is life
 2 minutes ago Like
 Kari Bowling no, I made one and 5 minutes later i deleted it xDD
 about a minute ago Like
 Amber Renee Burchett do not speak of tumblr in any of this sort
 about a minute ago Like
 Kari Bowling Im sorry?
 a few seconds ago Like
 Amber Renee Burchett ill post this on there and they'll find
 a few seconds ago Like
 Write a comment
jared-padaleski-is-polish-now:

m8snn:


blue10273:

24nowait25:

spirit-money:

lexxiechan:

samfuckingb3ttl3y:

music-geek1222:

pocket-full-of-cher:

certainlynotwitty:

loveot0my:

fuckyeahfalling-in-reverse:

fifty-shades-of-cumberbatch:

69ocock:

garnetgivealittlelove:

burningbridges97:

your-heart-has-spoken-so-let-go:

until-the-earth-is-free:

dumbledoctor:

geekerypokery:

enjoi-life-now:

thatfunnyblog:

We found you



potterheads, grab your wands
whovians, hop in your TARDISes
supernatural fans, get the shotguns
sherlockians, hire your consulting criminals
tributes, knock an arrow
avengers fans, assemble
lotr fans, unsheath Sting
we’ve got a few people to track down



Les Mis fans, build a barricade? Yes?

Gleeks, grab your slushies
Rizzles fans, grab your guns and scalpels
Wizards and Witches, time to kick muggle ass.

NCIS fans, grab your gear.

Castle fans, alakazam that jackass

The Last Airbender fans master your bending

Assassin’s Creed fans, ready your hidden blades.

Falling In Reverse fans, get Charlie.

BVB Army, get on your warpaint.
Slash gash Terror Crew, grab your chainsaws.
VE! Coven, show your fangs.

Directioners, get the fucking glitter

beliebers,get the supras.

Of Mice and Men fans, get squidgy.

Motionless In White fans, get Officer Peppercorn and some PCP.
Pierce The Veil fans, get the Sheepcat.
Sleeping With Sirens fans, get Sam Link..

Naruto fans, grab your kunai
Bleach fans, ready your zampakuto

Homestucks get your Strife Specibus


no fucking way its the actual post


I’m shaking this post was never meant to be seen outside of screenshots and jokes

this is one of the worst posts on tumblr


I couldn’t tell if this was satire or not and I’m not sure if I want to know

jared-padaleski-is-polish-now: m8snn: blue10273: 24nowait25: spirit-money: lexxiechan: samfuckingb3ttl3y: music-geek1222: pocket-fu...

Germany, Soviet, and Peace: Polish diplomat attempts last ditch peace negotiations with Germany and the Soviet Union (1939) (Colorized)
Germany, Soviet, and Peace: Polish diplomat attempts last ditch peace negotiations with Germany and the Soviet Union (1939) (Colorized)

Polish diplomat attempts last ditch peace negotiations with Germany and the Soviet Union (1939) (Colorized)

Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola e With Preferred by Teachers ar E CRAYONS 24 homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS  AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL. SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE. I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK. There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them. The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi) You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted. Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint. Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color. BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible. Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.) so what you’re saying is i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns and have grey body paint i think i know where that’s going i think we all know where that’s going
Another One, Bad, and Bad Boys: Crayola
 e With
 Preferred by Teachers
 ar E
 CRAYONS
 24
homestuckpatternreference:

iamthesylveon:

f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s:

gryphynshadow:

silencingthedrums:

zeaky:

sliceofbri:

DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU WERE DONE WITH ME? I THINK NOT. THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE SUGAR SCRUB CHICK BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL. YOU BITCHES HAVE BEEN ASKING ME FOR AGES TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS AND IT’S FUCKING LATE SO HERE YOU GO FUCKERS WE GON LEARN SOME SHIT SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET

SO WE ALL WANT LIPS RED AS THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN RIGHT AND WHO DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE ARTS AND CRAFTS AND I DON’T EVEN NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND LIPSTICK FOR FUCKING COSPLAY SO BEHOLD THE HUMBLE CRAYON YOU LITTLE SHITS

GET A CRAYON. AND NOT JUST ANY CRAYON A FUCKING CRAYOLA CRAYON DON’T EVEN TRY WITH THAT ROSEART SHIT BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR UVULA. IF YOU WANNA GET REALLY ARTSY WHIP OUT ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS 

AND BREAK UP SOME CRAYONS TO GET THE PERFECT SHADE OF BLUE GREEN FOR THAT BADASS COSPLAY YOU’VE GOT PICKED OUT BUT MARK MY WORDS NO MORE THAN ONE FUCKING CRAYON’S WORTH OF BITS BETTER GO INTO THIS FUCKING BOWL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU NEED SOME OTHER FUCKING SHIT IN THERE SO GO GET SOME OIL. THE GOOD STUFF. I’M TALKING EVOO BITCHES THE VIRGINAL BLOOD OF THE MOST TENDER OLIVES IN ALL THE LAND. SQUEEZE SOME OF THAT HEAVENLY LUBRICANT INTO YOUR BOWL, ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON, THAT’LL DO PIG, THAT’LL DO. NOW GO FIND SOME SHEA BUTTER OR COCONUT OIL AND GLOP ABOUT 1/2 A TEASPOON OF THAT IN YOUR BOWL. NOW GO TO YOUR MAGICAL CABINET OF WONDERS AND FIND SOME NICE SMELLING SHIT. COULD BE VANILLA EXTRACT. COULD BE LAVENDER OIL. I DON’T KNOW BRO WHATEVER YOU THINK SMELLS LIKE THE SILKY UNDERBELLY OF A NEWBORN UNICORN(important note make sure you use a FOOD SAFE oil if it doesn’t say it’s food safe/food grade don’t use it!) GRASP THE BOTTLE FIRMLY, SCREAM LIKE A VICTORIOUS PTERODACTYL, AND DROP 1-4 DROPS OF THAT SWEET SMELLING LIQUID IN THERE.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE IT IS THE HEATING VESSEL FOR YOUR GLORIOUS LIPSTICK THAT’S RIGHT LIKE A VIKING WARLORD YOU ARE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE BOILER. SO GET A SAUCEPAN AND HEAT SOME WATER, THEN PLOP THAT SWEET SMELLING BOWL OF OIL AND WAX ON TOP OF THAT STEAMY WATER LIKE THE COLLISION OF YOUR OTP IN A BAD FANFIC OH YEAH. STIR THAT SHIT UNTIL EVERYTHING IS MELTY AND SMOOTH YOU DON’T WANT TO RUIN YOUR SPOONS SO I USE A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK FUCK YEAH RECYCLING NOW ONCE THAT SHIT IS SOFT LIKE THE SUPPLE SKIN OF YOUR HEAVENLY BOOTY, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO POUR IT INTO

WELL DAMN GOOD THING YOU PICKED UP SOME CONTACT CASES LAST TIME YOU WERE AT THE STORE OR MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME EMPTY CHAPSTICK TUBES OR JUST SOME SMALL TUPPERWARE I DON’T KNOW BUT GOSH YOU ARE SO RESOURCEFUL AND PRETTY YOU DESERVE NICE LIPSTICK LIKE THIS ALSO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND AND NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
I’M GLAD WE HAD THAT MOMENT TOGETHER NOW BECAUSE NOTHING IS MORE METAL THAN SAFETY, TAKE A THICK HAND TOWEL OR AN OVEN MITT OR SOMETHING AND GRIP THAT BOWL OF COLORFUL GOOP AND POUR GENTLY INTO THAT RECEPTACLE YOU PROCURED. YOU WILL PROBABLY SPILL SOME BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU’RE ONLY HUMAN. POP THAT SHIT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IMPATIENT MOTHERFUCKER AND YOU WANT YOUR LIPSTICK NOW GODDAMMIT AND ONCE IT HARDENS SLATHER THAT CREAMY GOODNESS ON THICK, SLIDE ON SOME SUNGLASSES, AND HEAD INTO BATTLE TO DESTROY THE PATRIARCHY CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS

DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
DO NOT DO THIS.
NO DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS, CRYON HAS A LOT OF FUCKING LEAD IN IT (four times more than lipstick) PLEASE JUST BUY ACTUAL LIPSTICK.

There’s no lead in crayola crayons. Kids eat them.

The ingredients in Crayola Crayons are: paraffin, wax, and pigment. They’re made with the understanding that some kids will eat the damn things, so the company that makes Crayons has been very very careful to use non-toxic materials, even going so far as to use a special edible glue on the paper labels. (cornstarch and water, fyi)
You can eat Crayons, if you really wanted to, but frankly the flavor’s a little bland. They taste like wax. So, yeah. adding oils with a lower solidification temperature like Olive Oil or Grapeseed or Avocado, and mixing in some Shea or Coconut Butter would make a creamy crayon. Which you could use on your skin, if you wanted.
Go wild, use that shit on more than just lips. Use it like theatrical makeup, paint your tits blue if you want. Or use it like paint on the walls, or paper, or canvas. It won’t dry the same way acrylic or watercolor paint will, and will remain ‘workable’ and pliable until the oil looses enough water to solidify, much like, oh, off the top of my head… oil paint.
Modern oil paints are very similar to the recipe above, though usually done with Linseed oil or other inert non-organic oils. Organic oils, as they dry, can discolor, making your carefully chosen color look off. Why are some really old painting slightly yellow? Partly the varnish has yellowed, partly airborne pollutants have stained the surface, and partly the oil in the original paint has shifted color.
BTW, don’t eat Linseed oil, you’ll get the runs something fierce and regret it a lot. And then you get to go to the doctor and explain why your runny poo is brightly colored. But the amount you’d ingest from lipstick made with crayons? Negligible.
Now I really want to make a set of rainbow lipstick to match my rainbow collection of nail polish (which is way more toxic than crayon lipstick, too.)

so what you’re saying is
i could buy a fuckton of grey crayns
and have grey body paint

i think i know where that’s going

i think we all know where that’s going

homestuckpatternreference: iamthesylveon: f-e-f-e-t-a-c-a-k-e-s: gryphynshadow: silencingthedrums: zeaky: sliceofbri: DID YOU MOTHERF...

German, Polish, and Cavalry: Polish Cavalry vs. German Panzers (1939 colorized)
German, Polish, and Cavalry: Polish Cavalry vs. German Panzers (1939 colorized)

Polish Cavalry vs. German Panzers (1939 colorized)