🔥 | Latest

Funny, Ken, and Sorry: Jastinder Khera @KheraJas My German isn't perfect yet but l think this means... they are not taking us entirely seriously Die Presse DONNERSTAG, 29 NOVEMBER 201 EUROPAIS Der Brexit als Monty-Python-Sketch rur das Land vorteilhaft sei -ihr eigener Finanz nien/EU. Premierministerin Theresa May besteht darauf, dass ihr Austrittsdeal minister behauptet zeitgleich das Gegenteil. VON MICHAEL LACZYNSKI werden können. Philip Hammond sprach Neuwahlen bis hin zu einem zwetten Brexit kırz vor Mays Auftritt im Unterhaus das Of- Referendum oder einem Chaos-Breat am gebe keine Brexit-Vari 29. März 2019. Insolerm ist es nicht verwun- Das innenpolitische Gezerre in fensichtliche aus: Es i Großbritannien um den EU-Austritt nimmt ante, die sich für immer absurdere Züge an. Der gestrige Auf lich tritt von Premierministerin Theresa May im die EU-Mit Unterhaus erinnerte phasenweise an den Sc berühmten Sketch der britischen Komiker- truppe Monty Python, bei dem der Verkäu n wirtschaft derlich, dass man sich in London auch Ge danken über eine Unterbre- chung des Countdowns Gedan ken macht. Diese Obertegun gen beschäftigen auch den EuGH. Die Höchstrichtert der mehr rentieren würde als sagte der r in cinem BBC-In- terview Der Regierungschefin steht fer EU müssen sich derzelt mit In einer Tierhandlung einen misstraul: nun eine Frage befassen, ob Großbritan schen Kunden davon überzeugen will, der Sie muss die durchwegs skepti von ihm erstandene ausgestopfte Papagei schen sei nicht tot, sondern mache lediglich ein überzeugen, am 11. Dezember Mittagsschläfchen. Der von ihr ausgehan- für das Austrittsabkommen zu delte Brexit-Deal werde das Land wohlha stimmen. Sisyphos deshalb, Schatzkanzler nien auf eigene Faust aus der im Artikel 50 des EU-Vertra geregelten zweijährigen A trittsprozess aussteigen ka bender machen, beteuerte May während weil so gut wie alle Beobachter Philip Hammond Nein, argumentieren die wälte von EU-K davon ausgehen, dass May bei die Experten ihrer Regierung zur selben Zeit das genaue Gegenteil behaupteten. dem bevorstehenden Votum im Unterhaus Rat denn sonst könnte der Artikel 50 Nach einem Mittwochmittag veröffent- eine Niederlage kassieren wird. Was dann Erpressung der restlichen Unionsmitg missbraucht werden. Der EuGH-Gene lichten Regierungsbericht wird der EU-Aus passieren wird, ist völlig offen walt wird sein Gutachten zu der Cau Die Bandbreite der S en reicht t u den von der Regierungschefin v ungen in Brüssel über 4. Dezember vorlegen. 29/11/2018, 07:44 1,306 Retweets 3,272 Likes literallyaria: langernameohnebedeutung: enraged-fangirl-and-co: The Dutch don’t take the English very seriously either Sorry guys I’m not saying there is a common theme here, but… I just want to add that the spanish one specifically states that brexit is like a monty python sketch, but less funny
Funny, Ken, and Sorry: Jastinder Khera
 @KheraJas
 My German isn't perfect yet but l think
 this means... they are not taking us
 entirely seriously
 Die Presse DONNERSTAG, 29 NOVEMBER 201
 EUROPAIS
 Der Brexit als Monty-Python-Sketch
 rur das Land vorteilhaft sei -ihr eigener Finanz
 nien/EU. Premierministerin Theresa May besteht darauf, dass ihr Austrittsdeal
 minister behauptet zeitgleich das Gegenteil.
 VON MICHAEL LACZYNSKI
 werden können. Philip Hammond sprach Neuwahlen bis hin zu einem zwetten Brexit
 kırz vor Mays Auftritt im Unterhaus das Of- Referendum oder einem Chaos-Breat am
 gebe keine Brexit-Vari 29. März 2019. Insolerm ist es nicht verwun-
 Das
 innenpolitische Gezerre in fensichtliche aus: Es
 i
 Großbritannien um den EU-Austritt nimmt ante, die sich für
 immer absurdere Züge an. Der gestrige Auf lich
 tritt von Premierministerin Theresa May im die EU-Mit
 Unterhaus erinnerte phasenweise an den Sc
 berühmten Sketch der britischen Komiker-
 truppe Monty Python, bei dem der Verkäu
 n wirtschaft derlich, dass man sich in London auch Ge
 danken über eine Unterbre-
 chung des Countdowns Gedan
 ken macht. Diese Obertegun
 gen beschäftigen auch den
 EuGH. Die Höchstrichtert der
 mehr rentieren würde als
 sagte der
 r in cinem BBC-In-
 terview
 Der Regierungschefin steht
 fer
 EU müssen sich derzelt mit
 In einer Tierhandlung einen misstraul:
 nun eine
 Frage befassen, ob Großbritan
 schen Kunden davon überzeugen will, der Sie muss die durchwegs skepti
 von ihm erstandene ausgestopfte Papagei schen
 sei nicht tot, sondern mache lediglich ein überzeugen, am 11. Dezember
 Mittagsschläfchen. Der von ihr ausgehan- für das Austrittsabkommen zu
 delte Brexit-Deal werde das Land wohlha stimmen. Sisyphos deshalb, Schatzkanzler
 nien auf eigene Faust aus der
 im Artikel 50 des EU-Vertra
 geregelten zweijährigen A
 trittsprozess aussteigen ka
 bender machen, beteuerte May während weil so gut wie alle Beobachter Philip Hammond Nein, argumentieren die
 wälte von EU-K
 davon ausgehen, dass May bei
 die Experten ihrer Regierung zur selben Zeit
 das genaue Gegenteil behaupteten.
 dem bevorstehenden Votum im Unterhaus Rat denn sonst könnte der Artikel 50
 Nach einem Mittwochmittag veröffent- eine Niederlage kassieren wird. Was dann Erpressung der restlichen Unionsmitg
 missbraucht werden. Der EuGH-Gene
 lichten Regierungsbericht wird der EU-Aus passieren wird, ist völlig offen
 walt wird sein Gutachten zu der Cau
 Die Bandbreite der S
 en reicht
 t u den von der Regierungschefin v
 ungen in Brüssel über 4. Dezember vorlegen.
 29/11/2018, 07:44
 1,306 Retweets 3,272 Likes
literallyaria:
langernameohnebedeutung:

enraged-fangirl-and-co:

The Dutch don’t take the English very seriously either
Sorry guys

I’m not saying there is a common theme here, but…


I just want to add that the spanish one specifically states that brexit is like a monty python sketch, but less funny

literallyaria: langernameohnebedeutung: enraged-fangirl-and-co: The Dutch don’t take the English very seriously either Sorry guys I’m not...

Aww, Beautiful, and Cute: 2:50 1 ull LTE Today 10:32 AM This is such a weird thing to do. Don't take it as an insult. It's a big compliment actually. I really liked you a lot and I think you are really cute and sweet and funny. So I want to set you up with my good friend if you would be ok with that. I just think you two would have more in common than we do. She likes heavy metal music and she's a nerd and she's shy and beautiful and funny. She's religious though and that's a deal breaker for her if you aren't religious. So two questions, would you want to meet her? And are you religious? Today 11:18 AM I'm super flattered, but l'm very much not religious and totally respect that being a deal breaker. As curious as l'd be to meet her, since that is a deal breaker it's a moot point! I also enjoyed our date last night, you seem like an interesting and attractive woman. But I think there was just a certain chemistry missing, and l'd like to give you the opportunity to find a guy who's a better match for you. Hahaha You're so wonderful! Omg. I'm going to talk to my friend. The entire date I was thinking that you are perfect for her. You two have the same energy. Ugh. Yeah. Religion is a deal breaker for her. You are so nice though! That is the absolute sweetest way anyone has ever turned me down. I wish I had more single female friends to set you up with because you are so sweet and awesome. I would give you 5 stars if I could rate you on here. Hahaha. Sent Aww, you're too sweet. The feeling is mutual. I absolutely wish you and your friend the best of luck with navigating the buffet of guys you both undoubtedly have as options. Like I said, you seem like an amazing girl, just maybe not the amazing girl for me! Send Type a message GIF Stitch It! The most wholesome way that I have ever been turned down
Aww, Beautiful, and Cute: 2:50 1
 ull LTE
 Today 10:32 AM
 This is such a weird thing to do. Don't
 take it as an insult. It's a big
 compliment actually. I really liked you a
 lot and I think you are really cute and
 sweet and funny. So I want to set you
 up with my good friend if you would be
 ok with that. I just think you two would
 have more in common than we do. She
 likes heavy metal music and she's a
 nerd and she's shy and beautiful and
 funny.
 She's religious though and that's a deal
 breaker for her if you aren't religious.
 So two questions, would you want to
 meet her? And are you religious?
 Today 11:18 AM
 I'm super flattered, but l'm very much
 not religious and totally respect that
 being a deal breaker.
 As curious as l'd be to meet her, since
 that is a deal breaker it's a moot point!
 I also enjoyed our date last night, you
 seem like an interesting and attractive
 woman. But I think there was just a
 certain chemistry missing, and l'd like
 to give you the opportunity to find a
 guy who's a better match for you.
 Hahaha
 You're so wonderful! Omg. I'm going to
 talk to my friend. The entire date I was
 thinking that you are perfect for her.
 You two have the same energy.
 Ugh. Yeah. Religion is a deal breaker
 for her. You are so nice though! That is
 the absolute sweetest way anyone has
 ever turned me down. I wish I had more
 single female friends to set you up with
 because you are so sweet and
 awesome.
 I would give you 5 stars if I could rate
 you on here. Hahaha.
 Sent
 Aww, you're too sweet. The feeling is
 mutual. I absolutely wish you and your
 friend the best of luck with navigating
 the buffet of guys you both
 undoubtedly have as options. Like I
 said, you seem like an amazing girl, just
 maybe not the amazing girl for me!
 Send
 Type a message
 GIF
 Stitch It!
The most wholesome way that I have ever been turned down

The most wholesome way that I have ever been turned down

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

Children, Cute, and Dating: niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona Scottsdale, Arizona Dating Apps Premium 2019 WRAPPED You have spent some serious time being single. Here is how much time you have spent on dating apps over the last 5 years. Let's hope you are single due to your personality, because the alternative is you are ugly. Top Dates Sarah S. Top Lies You Told Girls Your cat is cute 69,617 mins I love The Office I'm only talking to you I rarely drink You aren't like the other girls Laura T. Samantha R. Melissa R. 103,648 mins Stephanie M. 53,011 107,107 Top Hair Color Minutes on Dates mins 118,659 mins mins 3,600 Brunette 2017 2019 2018 2016 2015 niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona Scottsdale, Arizona In perfect harmony You were pretty desperate. USC CLASS OF 2022 You discovered 304 new girls this year. But you really didn't vibe with anyone. 3,401 0% anted You didn't swipe right on one specific type of girl. Below is what you look for most in a match. Ethically FRESHME admission APPLICATIO You created 38 new profile pictures, watched 4 girls report you for being inappropriate, and spent 65 hours debating if you should give up on dating and get a dog. Jake, 29 O less than a mile away I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help my future children become trojans at USC. I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically boost my chances of getting a trojan into you. Has a pulse and will give you attention. Cute Face Jake, 29 O less than a mile away Little Waist As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell), I can relate to the current bachelor. Big Behind Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me. Good Personality Jake 28 O less than a mile away Ladies, if I can do this to Leo, imagine what I can do to you. : A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”
Children, Cute, and Dating: niftyshadesofjake
 niftyshadesofjake
 Scottsdale, Arizona
 Scottsdale, Arizona
 Dating Apps Premium
 2019 WRAPPED
 You have spent some serious time being
 single. Here is how much time you have
 spent on dating apps over the last 5 years.
 Let's hope you are single due to your
 personality, because the alternative is
 you are ugly.
 Top Dates
 Sarah S.
 Top Lies You Told Girls
 Your cat is cute
 69,617
 mins
 I love The Office
 I'm only talking to you
 I rarely drink
 You aren't like the other girls
 Laura T.
 Samantha R.
 Melissa R.
 103,648
 mins
 Stephanie M.
 53,011
 107,107
 Top Hair Color
 Minutes on Dates
 mins
 118,659
 mins
 mins
 3,600
 Brunette
 2017
 2019
 2018
 2016
 2015
 niftyshadesofjake
 niftyshadesofjake
 Scottsdale, Arizona
 Scottsdale, Arizona
 In perfect harmony
 You were pretty desperate.
 USC CLASS OF 2022
 You discovered 304 new girls
 this year. But you really didn't
 vibe with anyone.
 3,401
 0% anted
 You didn't swipe right on one specific type of girl.
 Below is what you look for most in a match.
 Ethically
 FRESHME
 admission
 APPLICATIO
 You created 38 new profile pictures,
 watched 4 girls report you for being
 inappropriate, and spent 65 hours
 debating if you should give up on
 dating and get a dog.
 Jake, 29
 O less than a mile away
 I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help
 my future children become trojans at USC.
 I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically
 boost my chances of getting a trojan into you.
 Has a pulse
 and will give
 you attention.
 Cute
 Face
 Jake, 29
 O less than a mile away
 Little
 Waist
 As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell),
 I can relate to the current bachelor.
 Big
 Behind
 Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the
 Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me.
 Good
 Personality
 Jake 28
 O less than a mile away
 Ladies, if I can do this to Leo, imagine
 what I can do to you.
 :
A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”

A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”

Ass, Catfished, and Definitely: Tos pm Telstra 0 Can your job pay trom my crack addiction. Il be your friend or A more if you want to? Only if my repayment is you fuel my crack addiction My address is 122 Thomas St. Dandenong Vic 3175 So how did you want me to sneak in?l assume they've got guards around the place Dress up as a ninja turtle and tell them your here to entertain me And than give me my crack so we can smoke together. I know a place Send Typea esage 705 pm Telstra 0 Okay but which one?1 think if came as the wrong one it' blow our cover Attention to detail is how we pull this off Raphaet Iike em tough Rough Only if I can tie you up using my red face mask smoke your pipe if you do go through with tying me up. And maybe even do more if you play your moves correctly In that case when do you want me there by Tre eage Send Tatatre 40 708 pm 3am wear your best jocks Kidding me?i won't be weanng any Much better expect you to be already undressed when t get there as we may heed to move quickly I only fuck with socks on. Miss me with that gay shit m I can work with that Remember though for payment t need my fair share of your crack I thought your bringing the crack Type mesage Send Teletra 0 106 pm bring the crack But i want your ass as my payment Oh you'll have that in spades Perfect. Sounds lika a fine date to me see you there So who are you really Lmao Some bloke on her tryn to catfish some mother fuckers I'm a Nigerian prince just here to have some fun Typeeage Send Telstre 40 706 pm 12% Must be pretty rich then d Are you actually addicted to crack? Fuck no. Woukdr't even have the taintest of idea of where to get it Are you? I got peer pressured to smoke sum in year 7 haven't been the same since Should definitely see someone bout it Shit fucks your ife up which I'm sure you've found out Ive been clean for about 3 years now but considered doing it A again after my recent break up Tye a meage Send Tatutre 40 708 pm now Dur consIoerea aong it again after my recent break up Nah nah don't do it. 3 years is an accomplishment a lot of peosle dream of achieving Honestly, if that's actualy you in that photo (which r'm highly doubiting nether less), they're missing out big time. Thank you for our conversation. You're a genuine guy and I hope you do find someone who likes you for you. Don't give up on love! Thank you very much, appreciate that Good luck with everything for you ype age Send Don’t do crack kids
Ass, Catfished, and Definitely: Tos pm
 Telstra 0
 Can your job pay trom my crack
 addiction. Il be your friend or
 A more if you want to?
 Only if my repayment is you fuel
 my crack addiction
 My address is 122 Thomas St.
 Dandenong Vic 3175
 So how did you want me to sneak
 in?l assume they've got guards
 around the place
 Dress up as a ninja turtle and tell
 them your here to entertain me
 And than give me my crack so
 we can smoke together. I know a
 place
 Send
 Typea esage
 705 pm
 Telstra 0
 Okay but which one?1 think if
 came as the wrong one it' blow
 our cover
 Attention to detail is how we pull
 this off
 Raphaet Iike em tough
 Rough
 Only if I can tie you up using my
 red face mask
 smoke your pipe if you do go
 through with tying me up. And
 maybe even do more if you play
 your moves correctly
 In that case when do you want
 me there by
 Tre eage
 Send
 Tatatre 40
 708 pm
 3am wear your best jocks
 Kidding me?i won't be weanng
 any
 Much better
 expect you to be already
 undressed when t get there as
 we may heed to move quickly
 I only fuck with socks on. Miss
 me with that gay shit
 m
 I can work with that
 Remember though for payment t
 need my fair share of your crack
 I thought your bringing the crack
 Type mesage
 Send
 Teletra 0
 106 pm
 bring the crack
 But i want your ass as my
 payment
 Oh you'll have that in spades
 Perfect. Sounds lika a fine date
 to me
 see you there
 So who are you really Lmao
 Some bloke on her tryn to
 catfish some mother fuckers
 I'm a Nigerian prince just here to
 have some fun
 Typeeage
 Send
 Telstre 40
 706 pm
 12%
 Must be pretty rich then d
 Are you actually addicted to
 crack?
 Fuck no. Woukdr't even have the
 taintest of idea of where to get it
 Are you?
 I got peer pressured to smoke
 sum in year 7 haven't been the
 same since
 Should definitely see someone
 bout it Shit fucks your ife up
 which I'm sure you've found out
 Ive been clean for about 3 years
 now but considered doing it
 A again after my recent break up
 Tye a meage
 Send
 Tatutre 40
 708 pm
 now Dur consIoerea aong it
 again after my recent break up
 Nah nah don't do it. 3 years is an
 accomplishment a lot of peosle
 dream of achieving
 Honestly, if that's actualy you in
 that photo (which r'm highly
 doubiting nether less), they're
 missing out big time.
 Thank you for our conversation.
 You're a genuine guy and I hope
 you do find someone who likes
 you for you. Don't give up on
 love!
 Thank you very much,
 appreciate that
 Good luck with everything for
 you
 ype age
 Send
Don’t do crack kids

Don’t do crack kids

Shopping, Soon..., and At&t: Paul The Trombonist @JazzTrombonist I accidentally texted my wife with voice recognition...while playing the trombone co0 AT&T Wi-Fi ? 1 80 1* 79% 3:34 PM 000 AT&T Wi-Fi ? 3:36 PM Deta Messages (3) DI Messages (3) Paul Paul Del iMessage Today 3:27 PM (1/5) Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo Totally! Ya, that makes sense. Call you woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo w hoo w woop soon Sounds good! (2/5) 00 woo woo woo woo hoo woo perfect hoo who who who who who who wu woo woo woo woop woop woop woop woo woop wah wah waa what wapp whapp woo woo woo we should probably go grocery shopping later (3/5) woop woop wah wah wah woo woo woo wah woo wha waa waa woop woop woop wwop woop woop whap wah wah woh wa wa wa whh woo woo Deliver (1/5) Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo (4/5) woop woop wah wah wah waaa woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo w hoo w woop waa waa waa waa waa waa waa woo woo woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop (2/5) 00 woo woo woo woo hoo woo hoo who who who who who who wu woop woop woop woop woop woop woop waa waa waa waa waaaaa waaa woo woo w0o woop woop woop woop woo woop wah wah waa what wapp whapp woo woo woo waaa waa (5/5) woop woop wah wah wah woo woo woo wah woo wha waa waa woop (3/5) woop woop wah wah wah woo woo woo wah woo wha waa waa woop woop woop wwop woop woop whap wah wah woh wa wa wa whh woo woo woop woop wwop woop woop whap woo00 woo won IMessage IMessage ITHE TROMBONILT Me irl
Shopping, Soon..., and At&t: Paul The Trombonist
 @JazzTrombonist
 I accidentally texted my wife with
 voice recognition...while playing the
 trombone
 co0 AT&T Wi-Fi ?
 1 80
 1* 79%
 3:34 PM
 000 AT&T Wi-Fi ?
 3:36 PM
 Deta Messages (3)
 DI
 Messages (3)
 Paul
 Paul
 Del
 iMessage
 Today 3:27 PM
 (1/5) Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
 hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
 Totally! Ya, that makes sense. Call you
 woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
 woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
 woo w hoo w woop
 soon
 Sounds good!
 (2/5) 00 woo woo woo woo hoo woo
 perfect
 hoo who who who who who who wu
 woo woo woo woop woop woop woop
 woo woop wah wah waa what wapp
 whapp woo woo woo
 we should probably go grocery
 shopping later
 (3/5) woop woop wah wah wah woo
 woo woo wah woo wha waa waa woop
 woop woop wwop woop woop whap
 wah wah woh wa wa wa whh woo woo
 Deliver
 (1/5) Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
 hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
 (4/5) woop woop wah wah wah waaa
 woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
 woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo
 woo w hoo w woop
 waa waa waa waa waa waa waa woo
 woo woop woop woop woop woop
 woop woop woop woop woop woop
 woop woop woop woop woop woop
 (2/5) 00 woo woo woo woo hoo woo
 hoo who who who who who who wu
 woop woop woop woop woop woop
 woop waa waa waa waa waaaaa waaa
 woo woo w0o woop woop woop woop
 woo woop wah wah waa what wapp
 whapp woo woo woo
 waaa waa
 (5/5) woop woop wah wah wah woo
 woo woo wah woo wha waa waa woop
 (3/5) woop woop wah wah wah woo
 woo woo wah woo wha waa waa woop
 woop woop wwop woop woop whap
 wah wah woh wa wa wa whh woo woo
 woop woop wwop woop woop whap
 woo00 woo won
 IMessage
 IMessage
 ITHE TROMBONILT
Me irl

Me irl

Animals, Apparently, and Bad: Roberk Vanse Mark Humph oma Progra Robert We Michae Marjut Mier Mark e with Diploma Program secretlycrazyhummingbird: glumshoe: dentedproduct: frivolousphantasies: magical-game: mementoviviere: coffeehedonist: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: rebecca-lotto-mage-of-breath: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: oddity-txt: So I found this caterpillar on my way to class We’re bros I named him chicken nugget Aaaa he’s turning a duller color… I hope he’s alright So apparently chicken nugget is a spicebush swallowtail and they turn yellow before they pupate. He was making little silk things everywhere Bruh this caterpie is going to evolve to metapod today my boy isn’t messing around update hes entirely yellow now i made him a tube room hes crawlin all over the place checking it out its happening False alarm he moved a bitThis guy ??? caterpie doesnt evolve into kakuna whats he doing its happening part 2 For Real This Time chicken nugget using those advanced tactics balancing my man doesnt do anything halfway i put on some tunez for him so he can get into the metamorphazone sorry for keeping you all in suspense but chicken nugget is doing fine and he has a cool hat now hes been chillin like this for a couple days  hes been in cocoon for 10 days now🎉🐛🎉 let me know how he’s doing soon HES BUSTIN OUT im going to sleep, chicken nugget is snoozin and ill check up on him as soon as i wake up hope he doesnt party too hard  🐛 💤 💤 hes gone goth hes in his emoteen stage CHICKEN NUGGET IS A CHICKEN WING NOW BABY WE HAVE LIFTOFF!!!!! hes’s in a bigger container than the one in the pic now but im gonna let my home boy find his way in the world after he gets used to his wings a little bit this kid doesnt have a bad angle dang https://youtu.be/TwpFUQzvRp0 there he goes he’s free and im so proud and a little sad this was an incredible experience (thats my family oohing and ahhing in the background) I’ve seen yall reblog the unfinished ones SO MUCH that I’m getting pissed, anyway here’s the full chicken nugget saga. Awesome! Hope you’re happy somewhere, Chicken Nugget! I have missed this post so much! Let’s all celebrate Chicken Nugget! do you guys realize that,,,, chicken nugget is one of those butterflies that is perfectly half female and half male?? nugget’s left wing is typical of a female spice bush swallowtail and the right wing is typical of a male a gender role smashing icon This was sweet… until someone made this about goddamn gender roles. It’s not about ‘gender roles’! Bilateral gynandromorphism is a really interesting, uncommon genetic phenomenon seen in a number of animals that have ZW sex chromosomes. They work quite differently from human’s X and Y chromosomes. In some circumstances, it’s possible for an individual to develop with two entirely different sets of genes–in this case, divided in a perfect split down the body. It’s not very well understood, and some scientists consider it a form of chimerism… but it’s really cool and worth talking about! OP had a genetically interesting surprise.  Oh make no mistake a ‘biologicist’ transphobe got pissed this thread is even better. Also chicken nugget is beautiful!
Animals, Apparently, and Bad: Roberk Vanse
 Mark Humph
 oma Progra

 Robert We
 Michae
 Marjut Mier
 Mark
 e with
 Diploma Program
secretlycrazyhummingbird:

glumshoe:

dentedproduct:

frivolousphantasies:

magical-game:

mementoviviere:

coffeehedonist:


oddity-txt:


oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

rebecca-lotto-mage-of-breath:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

oddity-txt:

So I found this caterpillar on my way to class 

We’re bros

I named him chicken nugget

Aaaa he’s turning a duller color… I hope he’s alright

So apparently chicken nugget is a spicebush swallowtail and they turn yellow before they pupate.
He was making little silk things everywhere 
Bruh this caterpie is going to evolve to metapod today my boy isn’t messing around


update hes entirely yellow now


i made him a tube room
hes crawlin all over the place checking it out


its happening

False alarm he moved a bitThis guy


??? caterpie doesnt evolve into kakuna


whats he doing


its happening part 2 For Real This Time


chicken nugget using those advanced tactics balancing my man doesnt do anything halfway


i put on some tunez for him so he can get into the metamorphazone

sorry for keeping you all in suspense but chicken nugget is doing fine and he has a cool hat now
hes been chillin like this for a couple days 

hes been in cocoon for 10 days now🎉🐛🎉

let me know how he’s doing soon


HES BUSTIN OUT


im going to sleep, chicken nugget is snoozin and ill check up on him as soon as i wake up
hope he doesnt party too hard 


🐛


💤 

💤 







hes gone goth hes in his emoteen stage


CHICKEN NUGGET IS A CHICKEN WING NOW BABY WE HAVE LIFTOFF!!!!!


hes’s in a bigger container than the one in the pic now but im gonna let my home boy find his way in the world after he gets used to his wings a little bit


this kid doesnt have a bad angle dang


https://youtu.be/TwpFUQzvRp0
there he goes he’s free and im so proud and a little sad
this was an incredible experience
(thats my family oohing and ahhing in the background)


I’ve seen yall reblog the unfinished ones SO MUCH that I’m getting pissed, anyway here’s the full chicken nugget saga.


Awesome! Hope you’re happy somewhere, Chicken Nugget!

I have missed this post so much! Let’s all celebrate Chicken Nugget!


do you guys realize that,,,, chicken nugget is one of those butterflies that is perfectly half female and half male?? nugget’s left wing is typical of a female spice bush swallowtail and the right wing is typical of a male
a gender role smashing icon

This was sweet… until someone made this about goddamn gender roles.

It’s not about ‘gender roles’! Bilateral gynandromorphism is a really interesting, uncommon genetic phenomenon seen in a number of animals that have ZW sex chromosomes. They work quite differently from human’s X and Y chromosomes. In some circumstances, it’s possible for an individual to develop with two entirely different sets of genes–in this case, divided in a perfect split down the body. It’s not very well understood, and some scientists consider it a form of chimerism… but it’s really cool and worth talking about! OP had a genetically interesting surprise. 


Oh make no mistake a ‘biologicist’ transphobe got pissed this thread is even better.
Also chicken nugget is beautiful!

secretlycrazyhummingbird: glumshoe: dentedproduct: frivolousphantasies: magical-game: mementoviviere: coffeehedonist: oddity-txt: ...