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Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the...

Advice, Bad, and Cars: galexion: missanthrory: deathcomes4u: frommetrunui: frommetrunui: scaliefox: post-office-box-847: scaliefox: diarrheaworldstarhiphop: This is a serious issue though. Ferrai has this bullshit agreement that if you buy one of their cars new off the lot, you have to sign a contract saying you basically don’t own the car and have to uphold their brand standards with it. It’s sets a startling example of not owning something despite buying it and the court needs to use this as a chance to strike it down as unethical. This shit again? And I thought it was bad enough with ford and john deer telling farmers they didn’t own the tractors they bought from them…. Yeah, they have this really unethical clause in the purchase contract you can’t modify the car or do anything with it that they’d consider “unbecoming of the brand”, which is why they were able file this suit. It seems kind of bizarre at first until you realize how horrifying that is in the age of “do you own what you buy?” being a huge a debate (especially in tech). This is pretty much Ferrari’s philosophy from the start, they are extremely prideful of their cars like if they were made from God’s hands or something. They are very snobby, infact the owner of Ferrari doesn’t like the people who buy their cars since because they are bought for “status”. They also never test their cars on public tracks in comparison with other racing cars like when they wanted to test out the Porche 918 Spyder vs The McLaren P1 vs LaFerrari. Take a guess who bailed out on the performance test. Just an update Lambo are the perfect people to jump in on this because they make insane cars and they are never above clowning them up because Lambo are all about THE DRAMA ™ It’s worth noting that Ferruccio Lamborghini, the founder of the company originally only made tractors. His company became successful and at some point he bought a Ferrari, but had a complaint with the car. He ended up taking this complaint to Enzo Ferrari, himself, who told the man he did not take advice from a mere tractor maker. Four months later the first Lamborghini sports was birthed out of pure spite. I’d like to this somewhere he’s enjoying this immensely.  FUCKING P U R R A R I
Advice, Bad, and Cars: galexion:

missanthrory:

deathcomes4u:

frommetrunui:

frommetrunui:

scaliefox:

post-office-box-847:

scaliefox:

diarrheaworldstarhiphop:

This is a serious issue though.
Ferrai has this bullshit agreement that if you buy one of their cars new off the lot, you have to sign a contract saying you basically don’t own the car and have to uphold their brand standards with it.
It’s sets a startling example of not owning something despite buying it and the court needs to use this as a chance to strike it down as unethical.

This shit again? And I thought it was bad enough with ford and john deer telling farmers they didn’t own the tractors they bought from them….

Yeah, they have this really unethical clause in the purchase contract you can’t modify the car or do anything with it that they’d consider “unbecoming of the brand”, which is why they were able file this suit.
It seems kind of bizarre at first until you realize how horrifying that is in the age of “do you own what you buy?” being a huge a debate (especially in tech).

This is pretty much Ferrari’s philosophy from the start, they are extremely prideful of their cars like if they were made from God’s hands or something.

They are very snobby, infact the owner of Ferrari doesn’t like the people who buy their cars since because they are bought for “status”.

They also never test their cars on public tracks in comparison with other racing cars like when they wanted to test out the Porche 918 Spyder vs The McLaren P1 vs LaFerrari. Take a guess who bailed out on the performance test.

Just an update

Lambo are the perfect people to jump in on this because they make insane cars and they are never above clowning them up because Lambo are all about THE DRAMA ™

It’s worth noting that Ferruccio Lamborghini, the founder of the company originally only made tractors. His company became successful and at some point he bought a Ferrari, but had a complaint with the car. He ended up taking this complaint to Enzo Ferrari, himself, who told the man he did not take advice from a mere tractor maker. Four months later the first Lamborghini sports was birthed out of pure spite. I’d like to this somewhere he’s enjoying this immensely. 


FUCKING P U R R A R I

galexion: missanthrory: deathcomes4u: frommetrunui: frommetrunui: scaliefox: post-office-box-847: scaliefox: diarrheaworldstarhiphop...

Target, Tumblr, and Wow: korcky07: glumshoe: I am Ship, the great and powerful conjuror of pinnipeds! “I summon a seal! Wow. Whadda y'know.”“There she is.”*video zooms in on seal*“Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuuun!”
Target, Tumblr, and Wow: korcky07:

glumshoe:
I am Ship, the great and powerful conjuror of pinnipeds!

“I summon a seal! Wow. Whadda y'know.”“There she is.”*video zooms in on seal*“Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuuuun!”

korcky07: glumshoe: I am Ship, the great and powerful conjuror of pinnipeds! “I summon a seal! Wow. Whadda y'know.”“There she is.”*video z...

Crazy, Fucking, and Funny: Donatello/Michelangelo kittyknowsthings: friendlylycanthrope: ao3tagoftheday: ethermaster: ao3tagoftheday: [Image Description: Tag reading “donatello/michelangelo”] The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Renaissance fanart I’m gonna let you in on a secret. That aint renaissance fanart You know what, assholes? I run this blog for y'all every day. I see things you cannot begin to imagine. I have to read people’s Robespierre smut and their questions about how various monsters would fuck them. I am so jaded that, when someone submits a tag mentioning some random vaguely liquid substance without context, I just assume it’s being used as lube. Nutella? Lube. Crazy glue? Lube. Divine fucking ichor? Fucking lube! I do this for you, y'all. I shield you from this shit. I stand athwart the tides of horror, hold my hands up, and yell “STOP” in the hopes that it will keep the waters from reaching you. So you know what, fuckheads!? If I want to maintain the one tiny scrap of innocence I have left, I will. The official policy of AO3TagoftheDay is now that turtles, teenage, mutant, ninja, or otherwise, do not fuck. It never happens. They don’t fuck. They don’t fuck each other. They don’t fuck humans. They don’t fuck in real life and they don’t fuck in fiction. This tag is about two gay Renaissance painters holding each other close and kissing chastely under the Sistine chapel ceiling. There. Glad we got that sorted out. Please return to your regularly scheduled programming. Ao3tagoftheday finally snapped I don’t know why this is so funny but I’m laughing to the point of tears
Crazy, Fucking, and Funny: Donatello/Michelangelo
kittyknowsthings:
friendlylycanthrope:

ao3tagoftheday:

ethermaster:

ao3tagoftheday:


[Image Description: Tag reading “donatello/michelangelo”]

The AO3 Tag of the Day is: Renaissance fanart 


I’m gonna let you in on a secret.
That aint renaissance fanart
You know what, assholes? I run this blog for y'all every day. I see things you cannot begin to imagine. I have to read people’s Robespierre smut and their questions about how various monsters would fuck them. I am so jaded that, when someone submits a tag mentioning some random vaguely liquid substance without context, I just assume it’s being used as lube. Nutella? Lube. Crazy glue? Lube. Divine fucking ichor? Fucking lube! I do this for you, y'all. I shield you from this shit. I stand athwart the tides of horror, hold my hands up, and yell “STOP” in the hopes that it will keep the waters from reaching you.
So you know what, fuckheads!? If I want to maintain the one tiny scrap of innocence I have left, I will. The official policy of AO3TagoftheDay is now that turtles, teenage, mutant, ninja, or otherwise, do not fuck. It never happens. They don’t fuck. They don’t fuck each other. They don’t fuck humans. They don’t fuck in real life and they don’t fuck in fiction. This tag is about two gay Renaissance painters holding each other close and kissing chastely under the Sistine chapel ceiling.
There. Glad we got that sorted out. Please return to your regularly scheduled programming.


Ao3tagoftheday finally snapped

I don’t know why this is so funny but I’m laughing to the point of tears

kittyknowsthings: friendlylycanthrope: ao3tagoftheday: ethermaster: ao3tagoftheday: [Image Description: Tag reading “donatello/michelan...

Bad, Facebook, and Fucking: PLETT PUT HERE ME Brae Carnes added a new photo. Reynolds Secondary School February 27 at 4:39pm Profile Share 1 2 PLETI PUT ME HERE CarolineTG Follow @CarolineMiriel #PlettPutMeHere by removing protections for trans people in bathrooms #C279 #GirlsLikeUs 5:35 PM -7 Mar 2015 29 RETWEETS 20 FAVORITES Do I look like I belong in women's facilities? Republicans are passed that would put me there, based on my gender at birth. Trans people aren't going into the bathroom to spy on you, or otherwise cause you harm, #wejustneedtopee. Trans lives matter! trying to get legislation _michaelhughes1 Michael C. Hughes Follow @_michaelhughes1 #transawareness #occupotty #translivesmatter #wejustneedtopee 10:07 AM 11 Mar 2015 t 1,304 RETWEETS 1,084 FAVORITES embarrassing Follow @trans_princess Because obviously someone who looks like this belongs in the men's restroom. #wejustneedtopee #TransLives Matter 8:57 PM - 11 Mar 2015 t 31 RETWEETS 62 FAVORITES nonsense-choir: tem-pissed-in-a-t-pot: lokisnurse: gaywrites: The Canadian Senate has passed an amendment to a transgender rights bill that would ban trans people from using the bathrooms that correspond with their gender identity. Now, trans people in Canada (and their trans supporters in the United States) are sharing photos on Twitter and Facebook of themselves in public bathrooms they would be legally obligated to use under Senator Donald Plett’s bill. Check the hashtags #PlettPutMeHere and #WeJustNeedToPee for a dynamite collection of trans folks showing why these laws are absurd. Badass. (via BuzzFeed) I have a right not to see a penis in the ladies room. Men have a right not to see a lack of a penis in a men’s room. I have a right to my opinion. It doesn’t make me a homophobe. It does not make me intolerant. It does not make me a bad person. Your gender issues are not my issues. Maybe we as a society need a third option. If you’re seeing a penis in the women’s room, sorry to break it to you buddy but you’re the one being gross and peeping in on other women. Trans people just want to fucking pee. The fact that you’re so concerned about our genitals that you’d spy on us in the loo makes YOU the creep, not us. Grow the fuck up. Trans folk use their correct bathrooms all the time and no one ever notices. If you’re out there looking to spy on a stranger’s genitals to see if they “belong” there, you’re sexually harassing another person and YOU should be banned from the restroom, not them.
Bad, Facebook, and Fucking: PLETT PUT
 HERE
 ME
 Brae Carnes added a new photo.
 Reynolds Secondary School February 27 at 4:39pm
 Profile
 Share 1 2

 PLETI
 PUT ME
 HERE
 CarolineTG
 Follow
 @CarolineMiriel
 #PlettPutMeHere by removing protections for trans people in
 bathrooms #C279 #GirlsLikeUs
 5:35 PM -7 Mar 2015
 29 RETWEETS 20 FAVORITES

 Do I look like I belong in women's facilities?
 Republicans are
 passed that would put me there, based on
 my gender at birth. Trans people aren't
 going into the bathroom to spy on you, or
 otherwise cause you harm,
 #wejustneedtopee. Trans lives matter!
 trying to get legislation
 _michaelhughes1
 Michael C. Hughes
 Follow
 @_michaelhughes1
 #transawareness #occupotty #translivesmatter #wejustneedtopee
 10:07 AM 11 Mar 2015
 t
 1,304 RETWEETS 1,084 FAVORITES

 embarrassing
 Follow
 @trans_princess
 Because obviously someone who looks like this belongs in the
 men's restroom. #wejustneedtopee #TransLives Matter
 8:57 PM - 11 Mar 2015
 t
 31 RETWEETS 62 FAVORITES
nonsense-choir:
tem-pissed-in-a-t-pot:

lokisnurse:

gaywrites:

The Canadian Senate has passed an amendment to a transgender rights bill that would ban trans people from using the bathrooms that correspond with their gender identity. Now, trans people in Canada (and their trans supporters in the United States) are sharing photos on Twitter and Facebook of themselves in public bathrooms they would be legally obligated to use under Senator Donald Plett’s bill. Check the hashtags #PlettPutMeHere and #WeJustNeedToPee for a dynamite collection of trans folks showing why these laws are absurd. Badass. (via BuzzFeed)

I have a right not to see a penis in the ladies room. Men have a right not to see a lack of a penis  in a men’s room.  I have a right to my opinion.  It doesn’t make me a homophobe. It does not make me intolerant.   It does not make me a bad person.  Your gender issues are not my issues.  Maybe we as a society need a third option.

If you’re seeing a penis in the women’s room, sorry to break it to you buddy but you’re the one being gross and peeping in on other women.
Trans people just want to fucking pee. The fact that you’re so concerned about our genitals that you’d spy on us in the loo makes YOU the creep, not us.
Grow the fuck up.


Trans folk use their correct bathrooms all the time and no one ever notices. 
If you’re out there looking to spy on a stranger’s  genitals to see if they “belong” there,  you’re sexually harassing another person and YOU should be banned from the restroom,  not them.

nonsense-choir: tem-pissed-in-a-t-pot: lokisnurse: gaywrites: The Canadian Senate has passed an amendment to a transgender rights bill th...