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ifs: is a complicated thing Especially with an older brother. Deep down, you'l always love him But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. That's not just because you're young. violence with a drunk family member? Where's my suitcase? Miss. Young lady! Exouse me. Girls! Hey, little fella. Hey! Exouse me, girls. Girls! Hey, big fellal Help me make the beds No! Has he been involved in a household accident? I don't know. I hape not Has the child ingested any poison ar is an object lodged in his throat? No, he's home alone! l'd like You want to know the real in the living room. reason why I'm here? Come on down here! somebody to go over to the house. -..and see if he's all right. You want us to go to your house, Sure. I came to hear my granddaughter sing. I can't come hear her tonight. You have plans? Hey, san! Big fella. Hey, little guy! Litle guy! Pete's brother and his family are here. Trish is going to Montreal. Montreal? Oh, her family's there. - Then we're off. just to check on him. Yes! No. Let me connect you to the police I'm not welcome. They just transferred me. At church? -Rose! You're always woloome at church. Im not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family moved on the block... ..I had an argument with my son. - Yeah. -袧褍褉er. -Hang on -Hold on, please. - When? Tomorrow. - You're not ready, are you? Uncle Frank won't let me - No, please don't hang up. Please! Any luck? -I couldn't get anybody. How ald is he? watch the movie He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said I idn't care to see him anymore He said the same, and we haven't ..but the big kids can. Why can't 1? I'm on the phone. When do you come back? - Leslie? Nothing but a bunch of answering machines Somebody pick up. Pick up! Oh, hi, ma'am. IHt's you again. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and L. We'l send a policeman aver to your house to check on your son. There's nobody home. spoken to each other since. Not till then? If vou miss him. why don't y Im afraid if I call H's not even rated R. vou call him? He's just being a jerk. Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no. he won't talk to me, .then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel. Hey, get of Kevin, out of the room. How do you know? I don't know. I'm just afraid. No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid? You can be okd for a lot of things. - You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. I was afraid of our basement The house looks secure. Tell them to count their kids again. Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? This kid. Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? No, I didn't have time. - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. Dad, nobodyll let me do anything. Ive got something, pick up those You can't bump somebody or ask or..? There's no way I can do that. Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? If you said it's an emergency. I cannot ask them. She's sending a policeman house. H's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. sat sort o t of thing. H's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down That Well, that's a relief. MicroMachines that are all over. Everything here is booked. Nothing to Chicago? Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. to do some laundry. .and I found out if's not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. What's your point? My paint is, you should call your son He was playing There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. - What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. Friday morn. That's two days away The kids are exhausted and so are you. There's nothing we can do here. I say we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. Im not leaving hare unless airplane ih the glue gun again. We talked about that. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made ornaments out of fish hooks. - My new fish hooks? -I can't make them out of old anes.. - What if he won't talk to me? - At least you'l know. Then you could stop worrying about it. You won't have to be afraid ..with dry worm guts stuck on them. - Peter. No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. I don't know Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. I'm sure she misses you. And the presents I send her a check. I wish my grandparents did that They always send me clathes. -Come on, Kavin. Out Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? Here's a voltage adapter God, you're getting heavy! Go pack your s褘case. it's on Madame, we are doing everything we can. If you want to stay at the airport, maybe we can get you on standby. It is a possibility that a seat will open up. - Is that okay? Pack my suitcase? Where's the shampoo? -I don't live here This many people here and no shampoo. Are your folks home? - They don't live here. - Tracy, did you order the pizza? Last year I got a sv a sweater Il miss you, honey. Don't you get lost. Goodbye I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap Including all my major crevices. .between my toes and in my belly button. ..which I never did before but enjayed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. I can't find my toothbrush, so l'll pick one up today. Other than that, Im in good shape. All right! Buzz's life savings. I thought the Murphys went to Florida. You're one of the great cat burglars of the world. You think you can keep it with a bird knitted on it. - Buzz did. Oh, that's nice. Excuse me. Are your parents here? My parents live in Paris. Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing samething like that I have a friend who got nailed. ..because there was a rumor -Hi! Hil - Are your parents home? Yeah. he wore dinosaur pajamas. You better run home where you belong. Think about what I said. - All right? - Okay. H's nice talking to you. Nice talking to you. -What about wou? - Me? - Do they live here? -No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. I don't know how to pack a suitcase. Ive never done it once. - Tough. - That's what Megan said. What did I say? Yeah. You and your son. We'l see what happens. You told him "Tough." The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, yau're an idiat"? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. This is my house. I have to defend it. down a little in there? You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. This is Peter McCalister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. Let me give you the number here The country code is 33. The area code is 1-4 and the number is 694-876. - I'm not an idiot! We'l check it out Really? You're helpless! We have to do We can come back for the truck. How do you want to go in? We'l go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. everything for you. - She's right, Kev. Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. I don't know how to pack -I hope you didn't just pack arap. - Shut up, Linnie. Bless this nutritious, microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner. - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? That house we ran last night, was that the MoCalister's? -Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. -I knew they were -Siver tuna tonight ...and the people who sold it on sale. t get scared now. You know what I should pack? Buzz told you, cheek-face. Tailet paper and water. What are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna This is it. Dont Merry Christmas, little fe We know that you're in there, and that you're al alone. Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. H's Santy Claus and his elf. We're not gonna hurt you. No, no. Gat some nice pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call les incompetents. Wow How may I help you? Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dontal Association? Well, I dont know. It doesnt say, hon. Can you please find out? -Herb. What? Bombs away! S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. presents for you. Be a good little fella now and open the dor. What? What? What? This house is so full of people What? What happened? -Get that little. it makes me sick! Yeah? When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! 'm living alonel Who's gonna feed your spider? He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits? Some don't. But they got nude beaches. I got a question here about a toothbrush. Hello. Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? I don't know. Oh, hon, you pay for that here. Wait, you have to pay for that. Yes! Yes! The little jerk is armed! That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! Oh, boy. That's it, you little. Son! Son! You little.. Jimmy, stop that bay! Hey! Shoplifter! No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you? Yes! - Rip his head off.. Hey! Hey, kid! Come back here! Not in the winter. You're dead, kid. Stop it, will you? Come here. I'm a criminal What's so funny? What's so funny? Why are you laughing? You did it again. You left the water running. Why do you do that? I told you nat to do i - It's our calling card. -Calling card. Al the great ones leave their mark We're the wet bandits. You're sick, you know? You're really sick. I'm not sick. Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? Can I sleep here? I don't want to sleap with Fuller. If he drinks, hel wet the bed. Where are you, you little creep?! Harry, I'm coming in! Oh, no! I'm really scared. H's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. Okay, come and get me! Why, you. Now you're dead! fm gonna kill that kid! Why'd you take your shoes off? Why are you dressed like a chickon? Im up here, you morons. I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. Check it aut. Old man Marley. Who's he? You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That's him. In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block. Come and get me. You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? Heads up! Don't worry, Marv. ril get him for you. with a snow shovel. n hiding out in this neighborhood aver since. If he's the shavel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. Everyone around here knows he did it. HIl just be a matter of time.. ..before he does it again. What's he doing? He walks up and down the stroets every night. --salting the sidewaks. Maybe he's just trying to be nice. Ben - Yes, you are. H's a sick thing to do. Yes! - We don't need that. - Don't tell me. I can do it if i want to. It's not sick. Hey, watch out! Heyl Hey! You've gotta watch for traffic. - Sorry. He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him. Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? You're missing some teeth. Where? t's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'I kill him. - Damn. rIl kill him! You bomb me with Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. Okay, okay Merry Christmas. What's the matter? e can, kid and l snap off your cojanes one more o No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt tums the bodies into mummies. and boil them in motor oil! 911 emergency. Hello, my house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. You never know what's up there. I don't like the way that kid looked at me. Ever seen him before? -I saw a hundred kids this weck Let's see what house he goes into. Why's he going faster? I told you something's wrong. He looked at me weird. Why would he run? Maybe he went in the church. I'm not going in there. - Me neither Mummies! Look out! How you kids doing? There he is! I got you! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me. Get up! I got him. What are you doing? Harry, don't move. Don't move. Marv, what are you doing? Did I get him? Did I get him?! Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where you going? You hear me, or what? Gaing on a trip? Where you gaing, kid? Okay, that's $122.50. Not from me, kid. I don't live here. You just around for the holidays? You could say that. Pizza's here! - There you go. That's $122.50. t's my brother's house. He'll get it. Hey, listen. Are you Mr. McCallister? - Yeah. Let's get aut of here. When those guys come back, ni be ready. Did they come back? From Paris? Wel come back tomorrow. Where is it? Where is it? Maybe they'll be gone. We better go before somebody sees us Look what I found in the kitchen. Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! Get that kid, before L. Get that kid Where'd he go? Maybe he committed suicide. Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. - Let's get him! -Wait, wait. t's just what he wants us to do Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. He's gonna call the cops! From a tree house?! Frank, those are for later. Do you want a Sitsle shrimp, huh? Do you speak English? Well, is there. Did you get anybody? -I am looking for my son! No, I can't find anybody. They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. Never mind, forget it. - This is so pointless. The Mr. MoCalister who lives here? Good, because somebody owes me $122.50 rd ike a word with you. Am I under arrest or something? There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. We have automatio timers for our lights, locks for our doors -What? We're here rotting in this apartment. Kavin's at home. Mom's at the airport. Come on, Out the window? That's about as well Im not going out the window Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get aut here as anybody can do. Did you get some eggnog? Come on. So? -You're not worried about Kevin? Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. He's so little and halpless. Don't you think he's freaked? The trout can use a couple of days in the real world. Come on. Let's eat Come on! - Come on. Keep going. Let's go back, Harry. Come on Eggnog? - Pizza! - Are you gonna be leaving.? Hey, guys! Check this out. -Pizza! You're not worried something might happen? No. For three reasons: A I'm not that lucky. Grab a napkin Go back. Go back. and pour your own drinks - Does Santa go through oustoms? -What time do we have to go to bed? Early. We'ra leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. I hope you're all drinking milk I want to get rid of i - Pizza bay needs $122.50, plus fip. For pizza? There he is! Hey, Im calling the cops! Wait, wait! Twa: We have smoke detectors.. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea. Come on. .and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States... ..where nothing even remotely We outsmarted you this time. dangerous will ever happen. Period. Who is it? Get over here! I's Little Nero's. What are you gorna do, Harry? l do exactly what he did to us. Burn his head with a blowtorch ril smash his face with an iron. rd ike to slap him I have your pizza. Leave it on the doorstep Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. You've got money. Traveler's checks. and get out af here Forget it, Frank. We have cash You probably got the checks that dan't work in France. 袨泻邪y. What about the money? What money? Well, you have to pay for your pizza, Is that a fact? in the face with a paint can! Shove a nail through his foot! Im gonna bite off every one of Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Yeah. But if you want any. sir these little fingers, one at a ime. Come on. Lets get you home. ..somebody's gonna have to barfit up because it's gone. Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. Kevl Kev, get a plate. - Passports! How much do I owe you? That'l be $11.80, Wow! This is great. Nice move, leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit We've been looking for you guys for a long time. Yeah. Well, romember, Kaep the change, you filthy animal. - Cheapskate. -Hey. I'm ganna give you Watch it! No, no. Get these passports out of here. to the count of ten. Are you okay, honey? Come here. Ara you all right? What is the matter with you? . to get your ugly. yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. befara I pump y One, two.. ten. we're the "Wet Bandits." - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T. - Shut up! Get in the car! ou full of lead. He started it He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives Hey, come Come on. Alovely cheese pizza, just for me - To Dallas/Forth Worth. -Hand off the head, pall! Come on Look what you did, you little jerk! Get upstairs now. Why? American Airlines. Im a bad parent. Im a bad parent. No, you're not. You're beating yourself up there. So we have the $500, the pocket translator. You're such a disease. 鈥瀟he two first-class seats thaf's an upgrade. Is that a real Rolax? -Shut up! - Kevin, upstairs! Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night. Kevin." Why do I get treated like scum? Im sorry. This house is just crazy. These things happen, you know. You want to talk about bad parents? -Do vou think it is? Look at us - No. But who can tell? We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year. We hardly see our families. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brather's in from Ohio. I also have a ring. Oh, that is beautifull They're boarding. Joe, aver there. Gosh, you know.. .he forgets his kids' names half the time. Ziggy over there, She's offered us two first-class How come you didnit bring tickets if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, $500 and.. The earrings. She's got her own earrings he's never oven met his kid. more cheese pizzas? Eddy. Let's just hope Nice tip. Thanks. none of them write a book about him. Having a reunion? My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. He missed the family. Tell me, have you gone on vacation nd left your child home? A whole shoebox full of them. No. - Come on, come on. No, but. But I did leave one so he invited us to Paris. at a funeral parlor once. Yeah, it was terble too. ...so we'll be together. You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. Im desperate. Im begging you. From a mother to a mother,. Please! I was all distraught and everything The wife and I, we left the litle Excellent. Exoellent. -Oh, Ed. tyke there in the funeral parlo. All day. You know, we went If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. And don't worry about your home. I's in good hands. There are 15 people, and only you -Please! Oh, all right "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister last year. This vear Id rather have some Clay-Doh. back at night, when we.. .came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there all day with a corpse. Now, he was okay I didn't mean it If you come back, Pll never be You know, afer six, seven weeks. He came around have to make trouble. I'm getting dumped on You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy! a pain in the butt again. I promise. Good night. Im dreaming Of a white Christmas and started talking again. They get over it. Kids are resiliant like that. The third floor? We shouldn't talk about this. -Go. -If's scary up there. Fullerli be up in a little while. I don't want to sleep with Fuller. I was just trying to cheer you up. Im sorry I did. Just like the ones I used to know Where those treetops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells In the snow Mom? Mom? He wets the bed. Kavin! He'll pee all over me. I know it. Wel put him somewhere else. Im sorry. t's too late. Get upstairs Everyone in this family hates me! Then ask Santa for a new family. I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! Stay up thare. I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. I don't want to see anybody else either. I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up and didn't have a family. No, I wouldn't. Then say it again. Maybe itl happen. I hope I never see any of you jerks again! I wish they would all just disappear. Where are thay'? -I don't know. She said 8 sharp. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Oh, Kevin. I'm so sory. The snow Are those microwave dinners good? I don't know. Where's everybody else? Oh, baby, they couldn't oome. They wanted to so much. Ididn't fall asleep in the back Pl give them a whirl. Hold on, I got a coupon for that It was in the paper this moming. and drool all over you, did 1? - You do drool! Shut up! Kevin, my boy. How are you? You're all right. I love you. You okay? t's cool that you didn't $19.83. Okay. Are you here all by yourself? Ma'am, I'm 8 years old You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. Where's your mom? In the car Where's your dad? -He's at work. What about brothers and sisters? Im an only child. Where do you live? -I can't tell you. Why not? -Cause you're a stranger Hello, Kevin! Shut up! I don't get it. t looks like there's nabody's hame. Last night the place is jumping. Something ain't right. Go check it aut. Now? burn the plape down. Thanks, Buzz. Wait a minute. How'd you guys get hame? On the moming flight you didn't Oh, no. Oh! Thank you - Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Someone has to find an open store. I went shopping yesterday. You, shopping? I got some milk, eggs Peter! We slept in! Hi, 'm Mitch Murphy. Iive across the street and fabric softener. What? - No kidding? What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? Just hung around. Bring your stuff upstairs. He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? Honey, what's this? Kevin! What did you do You guys going out of town? We're going to Florida Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. You know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold? - Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! "Now." Shit! Get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny. But what about my money? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact2 How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C Do a head count. to my room? Get everyone in the vans. Where are the passports? I put them in the microwave to dry. How fast does this go? Does it have automatic transmission? +wheel drive? Does it have d Look, I told you before, kid Don't bother me. Now, beat it! Line up in front of the van. Ain't in charge no more. What do you mean? Line up and shut up! He's upstairs, taking a bath. Wow! Ho'll call you when he gets out. Hey, I toll you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. - Snakes? - Pl give you to the count of ten. ... to get your ugly. yellow, no-good. .keister off my property.. before I pump you full of lead All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. Im going Shut up! One, two, three. Eleven, 92, 12. Buzz, don't be a moron. Six, seven, eight. .nine, 10, 11 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go Have a good trip. Bring me back something French. There's no way we'll make this plane. One, two. ten, Keep the change, you fithy animal. What happened? I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. Somebady beat us, they're in there It leaves in 45 minutes. Think positivel You be positive. l be reaistic. Excuse me, your power is fixed.. ..but the phones are a mess. Two of them. HIl take a couple of days to fix. .especially around the holidays. s arguing. One blow the other one away. There AARRA -Thanks - Who? I don't know. I recognized one aof their voices. I heard that name "Snakes' before. Did you count heads? Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, two drivers. Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes Snakes. Lefs get aut of here Hold it. Hold it Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too. Suppose the cops finger us for a job ...and they ask us about ..and a partridge in a pear troe Hold the plane! Did we miss it? You just made i Single seats only in coach Take whatever's free I get a window seat! Kids are in coach, we're first class Seats Four A and B. a murder in the area. Four A and D, ril take your coats. Fasten your seat belts. -Champagne, please, -If's free, isn't it? Oh, yes We made it. Wouldn't it be nice to have a face to go with it? That's a good idea Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? He sounded like a snake Do you believe i? Hope we didn't forget anything Everything's ful. Everything's ful? Im very sorry, but Mom? That's real. It's real crystal. Yeah, so? Put them in your purse. -Frank, I can't do that Just. Put them in your pursel Yeah. Fil it up. Fill it up. Fill it up, please. Thank you. Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in coach? No. The kids are fine. it is Christmas Eve. What about another airine? Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? Tomorrow we can get you a fight. I can't wait that long. Im sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. Im in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to go Gat a ticket there, good. Excuse me Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. f'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris, The anly time I ever t in the station wagan, not to France. We had to go to Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur's to Dallas, to. Where am 1? Kids are okay. They're having Scranton. the time of their lives. I'm trying to get hame to my 8-yearold san. Now you're teling me it's hopeless? -I'm sorry No. No way. Hello? Mom? Dad? Where are you guys? Buzz? Megan? This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope. IfI have to get on your ruway and hitchhike. Hello? Rod? Unole Frank? Uncle Frank, is this a joke? Megan? Linnie? Is this a joke? It's anly my imagination. Only my imagination. -.if it costs me everything I own. if I have to sell my soul to the Devil himself. .I am going to get home to my son. Ma'am, there was anything. Do it. Do anything. -I can get you a hatel room. What? Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a socond, please? The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! I made my family disappear. You're completely helpless You know, Kevin. Excuse us. you're what the French cal You got a little bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. les incompetents. Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula. Kevin, you are such There are 15 people, and you're Gus Polinski. a disease Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? the only or trouble. -Hi there. - Hiya. That's okay. I thought you might have recognized. I had a few hits a few years ago That's why I just.. "Polka. Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka "Twin Lakes Polka"? Look what you did, you little jerk! I made my family disappear. I'm free! Wow! No clothes on anybody. Sickening! Col Firecrackers! l save these for later. Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. You better come out and pound me! Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof Who is it? t's mo. Snakes "Yamahoozie Palka." a.k.a. "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist? These are songs? Yeah. Yeah, we. Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the earty "80s e sold about 623 copies of that. -In Chicago? - No, Shebaygan. Very big in Shebaygan. Did you say you could help? Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled. ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket over there? He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? To see your kid or something? Uh, my son. He. We ieft, and he's there. If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee. - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? You've got to get home. -A ride to Chicaga? - Sure, its Christmastime. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You don't mind going with polka bums? No, I'd love to. I got the stuff. Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. Al right, Johnny. but what about my monay? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop mel He'll call you when he gets out. Il tell you what I'm gonna give you. I m gonna give you to the count of ten. et your ugly. yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pump your guts full of lead. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going. One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. Mom! Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv! What's the matter? Honey? I have a terrible feeling. About what? That we didn't do something. You feel that way because we left in a hurry. Look at this. I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner Dad, can you come here and help me? Remember that kid we saw the other day? He lives here of everything- I tum off the coffee? We took care o Did I If the kid's here, the parent's gat to be. I did. Did you lock up? He's home alone. What? You want to come Yeah. back tonight? Even with the kid here? I don't think that's a good idea. That house is the reason we worked this block. Did you alose the garage? That's it. I forgat to close the garage. Thee That's it. No, that's not it. Ever since I saw that house, I wanted it. Let's take it one step at a time. We'l unload the van, get a bite What else could we be forgetting? 螝伪谓in! The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. Wel call when we land. Im sure it's okay. to eat, we'l come back about 9:00. Nine o'clock. This way it's dark then 袧orible. Horrible. Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. Just horrible. How could we do this? We forgot him. We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are Not, not not. You are so. Mom, where are you? Do you play? Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! What kind of mother am ? If it makes you feel any better, I forgat my reading glasses. Five families gone an one block alone. - Excuse me. - Yeah? Hey, nice shoes. Oh, thanks. Is he still here? It's really important that I see him. He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. How low! Giving Kriss Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots They all told me from their own mouths. H's almost too easy. Check it out: All the houses with nobody home.. ...have automatic timers an their lights. But I got it all figured out. Watch this. Number 064 will be going on right about. for the Easter Bunny? Wait, wait, wait. Santa, hold on - Can I talk to you for a minute? -Quickly. Number 682. .right now. Wait a minute. Santa's running late. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiasity. - I'm old enaugh to know how it works. All right. But I also know you work for him. - I'd ike you to give him a message. - Shoot. Kevin McCallister, 681 Do you need the phone number? No, that's all right. This is extremely important. Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? Okay. - Pl see what I can do. Thanks. Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa t to get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. - Don't spoil your dinner. -I won't. ...now And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. t's very G. Very G, huh? Ifs loaded It's got lats of top-fight goods. - Stereos, VCRS. - Toys? Probably looking at some very fine jawelry. Possible cash harde. 81 Lincoln Blvd. Odd marketable securities. Who knows? It's a gem. Grab your crowbar. Crowbars up. You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king Of sinful sots Your heart's a dead tomato Blotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch Which way? We'll go around back, down the basement. -You said they were gone. - Thay were gonna leave today. Let's get out of here. We have to use the phone, please. It's an emergency. We really have to make a call. has Please! Our brother's home alone. Give us the phone! I'm sorry. Thank you. 'm calling the police. Book us a flight home. Get change out of here. Call everybody you know. Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone an our street. Maybe somebady can heip us Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. This is ridiculaus. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. Hey, Im not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore. Village police department. Im calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. rd ike somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming home to get him. Okay, lat me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. Thanks Son of a. Merry Christmas. May I sit down? That's my granddaughter. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. You know her? No. You live next to me, don't you? You can say helo when you see me. You don't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? You've been good this year? I think so. You swear to it? No. Yeah. Woll, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. -It is? - I think so. Are you feeling bad about yoursel? -No. Fve been kind of a pain lately. I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been Hold on. Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. - What line, Rose? - Two. Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. too good this year. Yeah. I'm kind of upset because I really like my family. Even though sametimes I say I don't Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. I think so. Has the child been involved in How you feel about family There will be no Christmas without Home alone
ifs: is a complicated thing
 Especially with an older brother.
 Deep down, you'l always love him
 But you can forget that you love him.
 You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
 That's not just because you're young.
 violence with a drunk family member?
 Where's my suitcase?
 Miss. Young lady!
 Exouse me. Girls!
 Hey, little fella. Hey!
 Exouse me, girls. Girls!
 Hey, big fellal
 Help me make the beds
 No!
 Has he been involved
 in a household accident?
 I don't know. I hape not
 Has the child ingested any poison
 ar is an object lodged in his throat?
 No, he's home alone! l'd like
 You want to know the real
 in the living room.
 reason why I'm here?
 Come on down here!
 somebody to go over to the house.
 -..and see if he's all right.
 You want us to go to your house,
 Sure.
 I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
 I can't come hear her tonight.
 You have plans?
 Hey, san!
 Big fella.
 Hey, little guy! Litle guy!
 Pete's brother
 and his family are here.
 Trish is going to Montreal.
 Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
 - Then we're off.
 just to check on him.
 Yes!
 No.
 Let me connect you to the police
 I'm not welcome.
 They just transferred me.
 At church?
 -Rose!
 You're always woloome at church.
 Im not welcome with my son.
 Years back, before you and your family
 moved on the block...
 ..I had an argument with my son.
 - Yeah.
 -袧褍褉er.
 -Hang on
 -Hold on, please.
 - When?
 Tomorrow.
 - You're not ready, are you?
 Uncle Frank won't let me
 - No, please don't hang up. Please!
 Any luck?
 -I couldn't get anybody.
 How ald is he?
 watch the movie
 He's grown up.
 We lost our tempers, and I said
 I idn't care to see him anymore
 He said the same, and we haven't
 ..but the big kids can.
 Why can't 1?
 I'm on the phone.
 When do you come back?
 - Leslie?
 Nothing but a bunch
 of answering machines
 Somebody pick up. Pick up!
 Oh, hi, ma'am. IHt's you again.
 Look, I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone, and L.
 We'l send a policeman aver
 to your house to check on your son.
 There's nobody home.
 spoken to each other since.
 Not till then?
 If vou miss him.
 why don't y
 Im afraid if I call
 H's not even rated R.
 vou call him?
 He's just being a jerk.
 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no.
 he won't talk to me,
 .then it must be really bad.
 No, we put the dog in the kennel.
 Hey, get of
 Kevin, out of the room.
 How do you know?
 I don't know.
 I'm just afraid.
 No offense, but aren't you
 a little old to be afraid?
 You can be okd for a lot of things.
 - You're never too old to be afraid.
 - That's true.
 I was afraid of our basement
 The house looks secure.
 Tell them to count their kids again.
 Hang up the phone and make me,
 why don't you?
 This kid.
 Did you pick up
 a voltage adaptor thing?
 No, I didn't have time.
 - Then how do I shave in France?
 - Grow a goatee.
 Dad, nobodyll let me do anything.
 Ive got something, pick up those
 You can't bump somebody or ask or..?
 There's no way I can do that.
 Isn't there a way
 if you ask somebody?
 If you said it's an emergency.
 I cannot ask them.
 She's sending a policeman
 house.
 H's dark. There's weird stuff
 down there, and it smells funny.
 sat sort o
 t of thing.
 H's bothered me for years.
 Basements are like that.
 I made myself go down
 That
 Well, that's a relief.
 MicroMachines that are all over.
 Everything here is booked.
 Nothing to Chicago?
 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
 to do some laundry.
 .and I found out if's not so bad.
 I worried about it, but if you
 turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
 What's your point?
 My paint is,
 you should call your son
 He was playing
 There's nothing to Chicago,
 New York, Nashville.
 - What about a private plane?
 - Sorry. We don't do that.
 The only thing is a booking
 for us on Friday morning.
 Friday morn. That's two days away
 The kids are exhausted and so are you.
 There's nothing we can do here.
 I say we go over to Rob's, and that
 way we can call the police again.
 Im not leaving hare unless
 airplane
 ih the glue gun again.
 We talked about that.
 Did I burn down the joint?
 I don't think so.
 I made ornaments out of fish hooks.
 - My new fish hooks?
 -I can't make them out of old anes..
 - What if he won't talk to me?
 - At least you'l know.
 Then you could stop worrying about it.
 You won't have to be afraid
 ..with dry worm guts stuck on them.
 - Peter.
 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
 Dad. Especially around the holidays.
 I don't know
 Just give it a shot.
 For your granddaughter anyway.
 I'm sure she misses you.
 And the presents
 I send her a check.
 I wish my grandparents did that
 They always send me clathes.
 -Come on, Kavin. Out
 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
 Here's a voltage adapter
 God, you're getting heavy!
 Go pack your s褘case.
 it's on
 Madame, we are doing
 everything we can.
 If you want to stay at the airport,
 maybe we can get you on standby.
 It is a possibility
 that a seat will open up.
 - Is that okay?
 Pack my suitcase?
 Where's the shampoo?
 -I don't live here
 This many people here and no shampoo.
 Are your folks home?
 - They don't live here.
 - Tracy, did you order the pizza?
 Last year I got a sv
 a sweater
 Il miss you, honey.
 Don't you get lost.
 Goodbye
 I took a shower, washing every
 body part with actual soap
 Including all my major crevices.
 .between my toes
 and in my belly button.
 ..which I never did before
 but enjayed.
 I washed my hair with adult formula
 shampoo and used creme rinse.
 I can't find my toothbrush,
 so l'll pick one up today.
 Other than that, Im in good shape.
 All right! Buzz's life savings.
 I thought the Murphys
 went to Florida.
 You're one of the great
 cat burglars of the world.
 You think you can keep it
 with a bird knitted on it.
 - Buzz did.
 Oh, that's nice.
 Excuse me. Are your parents here?
 My parents live in Paris.
 Not for a guy in the second grade.
 You can get beat up for wearing
 samething like that
 I have a friend who got nailed.
 ..because there was a rumor
 -Hi!
 Hil
 - Are your parents home?
 Yeah.
 he wore dinosaur pajamas.
 You better run home where you belong.
 Think about what I said.
 - All right?
 - Okay.
 H's nice talking to you.
 Nice talking to you.
 -What about wou?
 - Me?
 - Do they live here?
 -No.
 Why should they?
 All kids, no parents.
 Probably a fancy orphanage.
 I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
 Ive never done it once.
 - Tough.
 - That's what Megan said.
 What did I say?
 Yeah. You and your son.
 We'l see what happens.
 You told him "Tough."
 The dope was whining about a suitcase.
 What was I supposed to say?
 "Congratulations, yau're an idiat"?
 Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 This is my house.
 I have to defend it.
 down a little in there?
 You've reached the Murphy's.
 Please leave a message after the beep.
 This is Peter McCalister again.
 We're in Paris at my brother's.
 Let me give you the number here
 The country code is 33.
 The area code is 1-4 and the number
 is 694-876.
 - I'm not an idiot!
 We'l check it out
 Really?
 You're helpless! We have to do
 We can come back for the truck.
 How do you want to go in?
 We'l go to the back door.
 Maybe he'll let us in
 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
 everything for you.
 - She's right, Kev.
 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
 I don't know how to pack
 -I hope you didn't just pack arap.
 - Shut up, Linnie.
 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
 macaroni and cheese dinner.
 - Hey, Harry.
 - Yeah?
 That house we ran last night,
 was that the MoCalister's?
 -Call me in Paris.
 - You're right. They're gone.
 -I knew they were
 -Siver tuna tonight
 ...and the people who sold
 it on sale.
 t get scared now.
 You know what I should pack?
 Buzz told you, cheek-face.
 Tailet paper and water.
 What are you so worried about?
 You know Mom's gonna
 This is it. Dont
 Merry Christmas, little fe
 We know that you're in there,
 and that you're al alone.
 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
 H's Santy Claus and his elf.
 We're not gonna hurt you.
 No, no. Gat some nice
 pack your stuff, anyway.
 You're what the French call
 les incompetents.
 Wow
 How may I help you?
 Is this toothbrush approved
 by the American Dontal Association?
 Well, I dont know.
 It doesnt say, hon.
 Can you please find out?
 -Herb.
 What?
 Bombs away!
 S. You have to sleep
 on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
 If he has something to drink,
 he'll wet the bed.
 presents for you.
 Be a good little fella now
 and open the dor.
 What?
 What? What?
 This house is so full of people
 What?
 What happened?
 -Get that little.
 it makes me sick!
 Yeah?
 When I grow up and get married,
 I'm living alone!
 Did you hear me?
 I'm living alone!
 'm living alonel
 Who's gonna feed your spider?
 He just ate a load of mice guts.
 He'll be good for a couple weeks.
 Is it true French babes
 don't shave their pits?
 Some don't.
 But they got nude beaches.
 I got a question here
 about a toothbrush.
 Hello.
 Do you know, is this brush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 I don't know.
 Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
 Wait, you have to pay for that.
 Yes! Yes!
 The little jerk is armed!
 That's it! I'm going in the front.
 You go down the basement!
 Oh, boy. That's it, you little.
 Son! Son!
 You little..
 Jimmy, stop that bay!
 Hey!
 Shoplifter!
 No, not this time, you little brat.
 You little creep, where are you?
 Yes!
 - Rip his head off..
 Hey! Hey, kid!
 Come back here!
 Not in the winter.
 You're dead, kid.
 Stop it, will you?
 Come here.
 I'm a criminal
 What's so funny?
 What's so funny?
 Why are you laughing?
 You did it again.
 You left the water running.
 Why do you do that?
 I told you nat to do i
 - It's our calling card.
 -Calling card.
 Al the great ones leave their mark
 We're the wet bandits.
 You're sick, you know?
 You're really sick.
 I'm not sick.
 Don't you know how to knock,
 phlegm-wad?
 Can I sleep here?
 I don't want to sleap with Fuller.
 If he drinks, hel wet the bed.
 Where are you, you little creep?!
 Harry, I'm coming in!
 Oh, no! I'm really scared.
 H's too late for you, kid, we're
 in the house. We're gonna get you.
 Okay, come and get me!
 Why, you.
 Now you're dead!
 fm gonna kill that kid!
 Why'd you take your shoes off?
 Why are you dressed like a chickon?
 Im up here, you morons.
 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
 if you were growing on my ass.
 Check it aut.
 Old man Marley.
 Who's he?
 You ever heard of the South Bend
 Shovel Slayer?
 That's him.
 In '58 he murdered his whole family
 and half the people on his block.
 Come and get me.
 You guys give up, or are you
 thirsty for more?
 Heads up!
 Don't worry, Marv.
 ril get him for you.
 with a snow shovel.
 n hiding out
 in this neighborhood aver since.
 If he's the shavel slayer,
 how come the cops don't arrest him?
 Not enough evidence to convict.
 They never found the bodies.
 Everyone around here knows he did it.
 HIl just be a matter of time..
 ..before he does it again.
 What's he doing?
 He walks up and down the stroets
 every night.
 --salting the sidewaks.
 Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
 Ben
 - Yes, you are.
 H's a sick thing to do.
 Yes!
 - We don't need that.
 - Don't tell me.
 I can do it if i want to.
 It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
 Heyl Hey!
 You've gotta watch for traffic.
 - Sorry.
 He's only a kid, Harry.
 We can take him.
 Ah, shut up, will you?
 What is it?
 You're missing some teeth.
 Where? t's my gold tooth.
 My gold tooth. I'I kill him.
 - Damn.
 rIl kill him!
 You bomb me with
 Santy don't visit
 the funeral homes, buddy.
 Okay, okay
 Merry Christmas.
 What's the matter?
 e can, kid
 and l snap off your cojanes
 one more o
 No way.
 See that garbage can full of salt?
 That's where he keeps his victims.
 The salt tums the bodies
 into mummies.
 and boil them in motor oil!
 911 emergency.
 Hello, my house is being robbed.
 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
 My name is Murphy.
 You never know what's up there.
 I don't like the way
 that kid looked at me.
 Ever seen him before?
 -I saw a hundred kids this weck
 Let's see what house he goes into.
 Why's he going faster?
 I told you something's wrong.
 He looked at me weird.
 Why would he run?
 Maybe he went in the church.
 I'm not going in there.
 - Me neither
 Mummies!
 Look out!
 How you kids doing?
 There he is!
 I got you! I got him, Harry.
 I got him.
 Harry, give me a hand!
 I got him!
 Harry, help me. Get up!
 I got him.
 What are you doing?
 Harry, don't move.
 Don't move.
 Marv, what are you doing?
 Did I get him?
 Did I get him?!
 Good?
 Lot of action around here today, huh?
 Going on vacation?
 Where you going?
 You hear me, or what?
 Gaing on a trip?
 Where you gaing, kid?
 Okay, that's $122.50.
 Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
 You just around for the holidays?
 You could say that.
 Pizza's here!
 - There you go.
 That's $122.50.
 t's my brother's house.
 He'll get it.
 Hey, listen.
 Are you Mr. McCallister?
 - Yeah.
 Let's get aut of here.
 When those guys come back,
 ni be ready.
 Did they come back?
 From Paris?
 Wel come back tomorrow.
 Where is it? Where is it?
 Maybe they'll be gone.
 We better go before somebody sees us
 Look what I found in the kitchen.
 Never mind that. Here!
 How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
 Get that kid, before L.
 Get that kid
 Where'd he go?
 Maybe he committed suicide.
 Down here, you big horse's ass!
 Come get me before I call the police.
 - Let's get him!
 -Wait, wait.
 t's just what he wants us to do
 Go back through his fun house
 so we get all tore up.
 He's gonna call the cops!
 From a tree house?!
 Frank, those are for later.
 Do you want a Sitsle shrimp, huh?
 Do you speak English?
 Well, is there.
 Did you get anybody?
 -I am looking for my son!
 No, I can't find anybody.
 They're all shopping.
 Nobody's home for the holidays.
 Never mind, forget it.
 - This is so pointless.
 The Mr. MoCalister who lives here?
 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50
 rd ike a word with you.
 Am I under arrest or something?
 There's always a lot of burglaries
 around the holidays.
 We're checking the neighborhood to see
 if the proper precautions are taken.
 We have automatio timers for our
 lights, locks for our doors
 -What?
 We're here rotting in this apartment.
 Kavin's at home.
 Mom's at the airport.
 Come on,
 Out the window?
 That's about as well
 Im not going out the window
 Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
 Come on, get aut here
 as anybody can do.
 Did you get some eggnog?
 Come on.
 So?
 -You're not worried about Kevin?
 Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk
 and now he caught it in the butt.
 He's so little and halpless.
 Don't you think he's freaked?
 The trout can use a couple of days
 in the real world.
 Come on.
 Let's eat
 Come on!
 - Come on. Keep going.
 Let's go back, Harry.
 Come on
 Eggnog?
 - Pizza!
 - Are you gonna be leaving.?
 Hey, guys!
 Check this out.
 -Pizza!
 You're not worried
 something might happen?
 No. For three reasons:
 A I'm not that lucky.
 Grab a napkin
 Go back. Go back.
 and pour your own drinks
 - Does Santa go through oustoms?
 -What time do we have to go to bed?
 Early. We'ra leaving at 8 a.m.
 On the button.
 I hope you're all drinking milk
 I want to get rid of i
 - Pizza bay needs $122.50, plus fip.
 For pizza?
 There he is!
 Hey, Im calling the cops!
 Wait, wait!
 Twa: We have smoke detectors..
 He wants us to follow him.
 I got a better idea. Come on.
 .and D: We live in the most boring
 street in the United States...
 ..where nothing even remotely
 We outsmarted you this time.
 dangerous will ever happen. Period.
 Who is it?
 Get over here!
 I's Little Nero's.
 What are you gorna do, Harry?
 l do exactly what he did to us.
 Burn his head with a blowtorch
 ril smash his face with an iron.
 rd ike to slap him
 I have your pizza.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
 You've got money.
 Traveler's checks.
 and get out af here
 Forget it, Frank. We have cash
 You probably got the checks
 that dan't work in France.
 袨泻邪y.
 What about the money?
 What money?
 Well, you have to pay
 for your pizza,
 Is that a fact?
 in the face with a paint can!
 Shove a nail through his foot!
 Im gonna bite off every one of
 Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
 Yeah. But if you want any.
 sir
 these little fingers, one at a ime.
 Come on. Lets get you home.
 ..somebody's gonna have to barfit up
 because it's gone.
 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
 Kevl Kev, get a plate.
 - Passports!
 How much do I owe you?
 That'l be $11.80,
 Wow! This is great.
 Nice move,
 leaving the water running.
 Now we know each and every house
 that you've hit
 We've been looking for you guys
 for a long time.
 Yeah. Well, romember,
 Kaep the change, you filthy animal.
 - Cheapskate.
 -Hey.
 I'm ganna give you
 Watch it!
 No, no. Get these passports
 out of here.
 to the count of ten.
 Are you okay, honey? Come here.
 Ara you all right?
 What is the matter with you?
 . to get your ugly. yellow.
 ... no-good keister
 off my property.
 befara I pump y
 One, two.. ten.
 we're the "Wet Bandits."
 - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T.
 - Shut up! Get in the car!
 ou full of lead.
 He started it
 He ate my pizza on purpose.
 He knows I hate sausage and olives
 Hey, come
 Come on.
 Alovely cheese pizza, just for me
 - To Dallas/Forth Worth.
 -Hand off the head, pall!
 Come on
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 Get upstairs now.
 Why?
 American Airlines.
 Im a bad parent. Im a bad parent.
 No, you're not.
 You're beating yourself up there.
 So we have the $500,
 the pocket translator.
 You're such a disease.
 鈥瀟he two first-class seats
 thaf's an upgrade.
 Is that a real Rolax?
 -Shut up!
 - Kevin, upstairs!
 Say good night, Kevin.
 - "Good night. Kevin."
 Why do I get treated like scum?
 Im sorry. This house is just crazy.
 These things happen, you know.
 You want to talk about bad parents?
 -Do vou think it is?
 Look at us
 - No.
 But who can tell?
 We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
 We hardly see our families.
 We've got all these extra kids
 running around.
 My brather's in from Ohio.
 I also have a ring.
 Oh, that is beautifull
 They're boarding.
 Joe, aver there. Gosh, you know..
 .he forgets his kids' names
 half the time.
 Ziggy over there,
 She's offered us two first-class
 How come you didnit bring
 tickets if we go Friday.
 Plus a ring, a watch,
 a pocket translator, $500 and..
 The earrings.
 She's got her own earrings
 he's never oven met his kid.
 more cheese pizzas?
 Eddy. Let's just hope
 Nice tip. Thanks.
 none of them write a book about him.
 Having a reunion?
 My husband's brother transferred
 to Paris. His kids are still here.
 He missed the family.
 Tell me, have you gone on vacation
 nd left your child home?
 A whole shoebox full of them.
 No.
 - Come on, come on.
 No, but.
 But I did leave one
 so he invited us to Paris.
 at a funeral parlor once.
 Yeah, it was terble too.
 ...so we'll be together.
 You're taking a trip to Paris?
 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
 Im desperate.
 Im begging you.
 From a mother to a mother,. Please!
 I was all distraught and everything
 The wife and I, we left the litle
 Excellent. Exoellent.
 -Oh, Ed.
 tyke there in the funeral parlo.
 All day. You know, we went
 If you'll excuse me, this one's
 a little out of sorts.
 Don't worry about me.
 I spoke to your husband.
 And don't worry about your home.
 I's in good hands.
 There are 15 people, and only you
 -Please!
 Oh, all right
 "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister
 last year.
 This vear Id rather have
 some Clay-Doh.
 back at night, when we..
 .came to our senses,
 there he was.
 Apparently, he was there
 all day with a corpse.
 Now, he was okay
 I didn't mean it
 If you come back, Pll never be
 You know, afer six, seven weeks.
 He came around
 have to make trouble.
 I'm getting dumped on
 You're the only one acting up.
 Now get upstairs.
 I am upstairs, dummy!
 a pain in the butt again.
 I promise. Good night.
 Im dreaming
 Of a white
 Christmas
 and started talking again.
 They get over it.
 Kids are resiliant like that.
 The third floor?
 We shouldn't talk about this.
 -Go.
 -If's scary up there.
 Fullerli be up in a little while.
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 I was just trying to cheer you up.
 Im sorry I did.
 Just like the ones
 I used to know
 Where those treetops glisten
 And children listen
 To hear sleigh bells
 In the snow
 Mom?
 Mom?
 He wets the bed.
 Kavin!
 He'll pee all over me. I know it.
 Wel put him somewhere else.
 Im sorry.
 t's too late. Get upstairs
 Everyone in this family hates me!
 Then ask Santa for a new family.
 I don't want a new family. I don't
 want any family. Families suck!
 Stay up thare. I don't want
 to see you again tonight.
 I don't want to see you
 for the rest of my life.
 I don't want to see
 anybody else either.
 I hope you don't mean that.
 You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up
 and didn't have a family.
 No, I wouldn't.
 Then say it again.
 Maybe itl happen.
 I hope I never see any
 of you jerks again!
 I wish they would all just disappear.
 Where are thay'?
 -I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
 Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
 Oh, Kevin. I'm so sory.
 The snow
 Are those microwave dinners good?
 I don't know.
 Where's everybody else?
 Oh, baby, they couldn't oome.
 They wanted to so much.
 Ididn't fall asleep in the back
 Pl give them a whirl.
 Hold on, I got a coupon for that
 It was in the paper this moming.
 and drool all over you, did 1?
 - You do drool!
 Shut up!
 Kevin, my boy. How are you?
 You're all right.
 I love you. You okay?
 t's cool that you didn't
 $19.83.
 Okay.
 Are you here all by yourself?
 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old
 You think I'd be here alone?
 I don't think so.
 Where's your mom?
 In the car
 Where's your dad?
 -He's at work.
 What about brothers and sisters?
 Im an only child.
 Where do you live?
 -I can't tell you.
 Why not?
 -Cause you're a stranger
 Hello, Kevin!
 Shut up!
 I don't get it.
 t looks like there's nabody's hame.
 Last night the place is jumping.
 Something ain't right.
 Go check it aut.
 Now?
 burn the plape down.
 Thanks, Buzz.
 Wait a minute.
 How'd you guys get hame?
 On the moming flight you didn't
 Oh, no. Oh! Thank you
 - Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 Someone has to find an open store.
 I went shopping yesterday.
 You, shopping?
 I got some milk, eggs
 Peter!
 We slept in!
 Hi, 'm Mitch Murphy.
 Iive across the street
 and fabric softener.
 What?
 - No kidding?
 What a funny guy.
 What else did you do
 while we were away?
 Just hung around.
 Bring your stuff upstairs.
 He went shopping? He doesn't know how
 to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
 Honey, what's this?
 Kevin! What did you do
 You guys going out of town?
 We're going to Florida
 Well, first we're going to Missouri
 to pick up my grandma
 No, tomorrow, egghead!
 Now! Go ahead.
 You know the McCallisters
 are going to France?
 Do you know if it's cold?
 - Do these vans get good mileage?
 - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
 "Now."
 Shit!
 Get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny.
 But what about my money?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had
 some dough for me.
 Is that a fact2
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C
 Do a head count.
 to my room?
 Get everyone in the vans.
 Where are the passports?
 I put them in the microwave to dry.
 How fast does this go?
 Does it have automatic transmission?
 +wheel drive?
 Does it have d
 Look, I told you before, kid
 Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
 Line up in front of the van.
 Ain't in charge no more.
 What do you mean?
 Line up and shut up!
 He's upstairs, taking a bath.
 Wow!
 Ho'll call you when he gets out.
 Hey, I toll you what I'm
 gonna give you, Snakes.
 - Snakes?
 - Pl give you to the count of ten.
 ... to get your ugly.
 yellow, no-good.
 .keister off my property..
 before I pump you full of lead
 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
 Im going
 Shut up!
 One, two, three.
 Eleven, 92, 12.
 Buzz, don't be a moron.
 Six, seven, eight.
 .nine, 10, 11
 Okay, half in this van,
 half in this one. Let's go
 Have a good trip.
 Bring me back something French.
 There's no way we'll make this plane.
 One, two. ten,
 Keep the change, you fithy animal.
 What happened?
 I don't know who, but somebody
 just got blown away.
 Somebady beat us,
 they're in there
 It leaves in 45 minutes.
 Think positivel
 You be positive.
 l be reaistic.
 Excuse me, your power is fixed..
 ..but the phones are a mess.
 Two of them.
 HIl take a couple of days to fix.
 .especially around the holidays.
 s arguing.
 One blow the other one away.
 There
 AARRA
 -Thanks
 - Who?
 I don't know.
 I recognized one aof their voices.
 I heard that name "Snakes' before.
 Did you count heads?
 Eleven, including me.
 Five boys, six girls,
 two drivers.
 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
 I don't know no Snakes
 Snakes. Lefs get aut of here
 Hold it. Hold it
 Let's wait and see who it is.
 We work this neighborhood too.
 Suppose the cops finger us
 for a job
 ...and they ask us about
 ..and a partridge in a pear troe
 Hold the plane!
 Did we miss it?
 You just made i
 Single seats only in coach
 Take whatever's free
 I get a window seat!
 Kids are in coach, we're first class
 Seats Four A and B.
 a murder in the area.
 Four A and D, ril take your coats.
 Fasten your seat belts.
 -Champagne, please,
 -If's free, isn't it?
 Oh, yes
 We made it.
 Wouldn't it be nice to have
 a face to go with it?
 That's a good idea
 Of course it's a good idea.
 Snakes?
 He sounded like a snake
 Do you believe i?
 Hope we didn't forget anything
 Everything's ful.
 Everything's ful?
 Im very sorry, but
 Mom?
 That's real. It's real crystal.
 Yeah, so?
 Put them in your purse.
 -Frank, I can't do that
 Just. Put them in your pursel
 Yeah. Fil it up.
 Fill it up.
 Fill it up, please.
 Thank you.
 Don't you feel like a heel, flying
 first class with the kids in coach?
 No. The kids are fine.
 it is Christmas Eve.
 What about another airine?
 Nothing available.
 May I help you get a hotel room?
 Tomorrow we can get you a fight.
 I can't wait that long.
 Im sorry, ma'am, but we're
 doing absolutely everything we can.
 Im in your way. I'm sorry.
 You've places to go
 Gat a ticket there, good. Excuse me
 Look, I have been awake
 for almost 60 hours.
 f'm tired and I'm dirty.
 I have been from Chicago to Paris,
 The anly time I ever t
 in the station wagan, not to France.
 We had to go to Aunt Laura
 and Uncle Arthur's
 to Dallas, to. Where am 1?
 Kids are okay. They're having
 Scranton.
 the time of their lives.
 I'm trying to get hame
 to my 8-yearold san.
 Now you're teling me it's hopeless?
 -I'm sorry
 No. No way.
 Hello?
 Mom?
 Dad?
 Where are you guys?
 Buzz?
 Megan?
 This is Christmas!
 The season of perpetual hope.
 IfI have to get on
 your ruway and hitchhike.
 Hello?
 Rod?
 Unole Frank?
 Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
 Megan? Linnie?
 Is this a joke?
 It's anly my imagination.
 Only my imagination.
 -.if it costs me everything I own.
 if I have to sell my soul
 to the Devil himself.
 .I am going to get home to my son.
 Ma'am, there was anything.
 Do it. Do anything.
 -I can get you a hatel room.
 What?
 Can you excuse us for a sec?
 Can I see you for a socond, please?
 The cars are still here.
 They didn't go to the airport!
 I made my family disappear.
 You're completely helpless
 You know, Kevin.
 Excuse us.
 you're what the French cal
 You got a little bit of a dilemma.
 We got a crisis ourselves.
 Allow me to introduce myself.
 les incompetents.
 Kevin, I'm going to feed you
 to my tarantula.
 Kevin, you are such
 There are 15 people, and you're
 Gus Polinski.
 a disease
 Polka King of the Midwest?
 The Kenosha Kickers?
 the only or
 trouble.
 -Hi there.
 - Hiya.
 That's okay. I thought you might
 have recognized.
 I had a few hits a few years ago
 That's why I just..
 "Polka. Polka, Polka"?
 Polka, polka, polka
 "Twin Lakes Polka"?
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 I made my family disappear.
 I'm free!
 Wow!
 No clothes on anybody.
 Sickening!
 Col Firecrackers!
 l save these for later.
 Buzz, I'm going through
 all your private stuff.
 You better come out and pound me!
 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof
 Who is it?
 t's mo. Snakes
 "Yamahoozie Palka." a.k.a.
 "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist?
 These are songs?
 Yeah. Yeah, we.
 Some fairly big hits for us.
 You know, in the earty "80s
 e sold about 623
 copies of that.
 -In Chicago?
 - No, Shebaygan.
 Very big in Shebaygan.
 Did you say you could help?
 Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
 Our flight was canceled.
 ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy
 in the yellow jacket over there?
 He's gonna rent us a nice big van
 to drive to Milwaukee.
 Now, I heard you had some problems
 getting to Chicago?
 To see your kid or something?
 Uh, my son. He.
 We ieft, and he's there.
 If you have to get to Chicago,
 we'll gladly drive you.
 It's on the way to Milwaukee.
 - You'd give me a ride?
 - Sure, why not?
 You've got to get home.
 -A ride to Chicaga?
 - Sure, its Christmastime.
 Thank you. Oh, thank you.
 You don't mind going with polka bums?
 No, I'd love to.
 I got the stuff.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 and get the hell out of here.
 Al right, Johnny.
 but what about my monay?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more
 Guys, I'm eating junk
 and watching rubbish!
 You better come out and stop mel
 He'll call you when he gets out.
 Il tell you what I'm gonna
 give you.
 I
 m gonna give you to
 the count of ten.
 et your ugly. yellow.
 ... no-good keister off my property.
 before I pump your guts
 full of lead.
 All right, I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change,
 you fithy animal.
 Mom!
 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
 What's the matter?
 Honey?
 I have a terrible feeling.
 About what?
 That we didn't do something.
 You feel that way because
 we left in a hurry.
 Look at this.
 I think we're getting scammed
 by a kindergartner
 Dad, can you come here
 and help me?
 Remember that kid
 we saw the other day?
 He lives here
 of everything-
 I tum off the coffee?
 We took care o
 Did I
 If the kid's here,
 the parent's gat to be.
 I did.
 Did you lock up?
 He's home alone.
 What? You want to come
 Yeah.
 back tonight?
 Even with the kid here?
 I don't think that's a good idea.
 That house is the reason
 we worked this block.
 Did you alose the garage?
 That's it.
 I forgat to close the garage.
 Thee
 That's it.
 No, that's not it.
 Ever since I saw that house,
 I wanted it.
 Let's take it one step at a time.
 We'l unload the van, get a bite
 What else could we be forgetting?
 螝伪谓in!
 The captain's doing all he can.
 Your phones are out of order.
 Wel call when we land.
 Im sure it's okay.
 to eat, we'l come back about 9:00.
 Nine o'clock.
 This way it's dark then
 袧orible. Horrible.
 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
 You're afraid of the dark too.
 You know you are.
 Just horrible.
 How could we do this?
 We forgot him.
 We didn't forget him,
 we just miscounted.
 No, I'm not.
 - Yes, you are
 Not, not not.
 You are so.
 Mom, where are you?
 Do you play?
 Do you want to try? Go ahead,
 try it. Try it!
 What kind of mother am ?
 If it makes you feel any better,
 I forgat my reading glasses.
 Five families gone
 an one block alone.
 - Excuse me.
 - Yeah?
 Hey, nice shoes.
 Oh, thanks.
 Is he still here? It's really
 important that I see him.
 He's getting in his car.
 If you hurry, you can catch him.
 How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
 a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
 What's next, rabies shots
 They all told me from their
 own mouths.
 H's almost too easy.
 Check it out:
 All the houses with nobody home..
 ...have automatic timers
 an their lights.
 But I got it all figured out.
 Watch this.
 Number 064 will be going on
 right about.
 for the Easter Bunny?
 Wait, wait, wait.
 Santa, hold on
 - Can I talk to you for a minute?
 -Quickly.
 Number 682.
 .right now.
 Wait a minute.
 Santa's running late.
 I know you're not
 the real Santa Claus.
 Huh, what makes you say that?
 Just out of curiasity.
 - I'm old enaugh to know how it works.
 All right.
 But I also know you work for him.
 - I'd ike you to give him a message.
 - Shoot.
 Kevin McCallister, 681
 Do you need the phone number?
 No, that's all right.
 This is extremely important.
 Please tell him instead of presents,
 I just want my family back.
 No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate,
 Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
 And my aunt and my cousins.
 And if he has time,
 my Uncle Frank. Okay?
 Okay.
 - Pl see what I can do.
 Thanks.
 Wait. My elf took the last of the
 candy canes home to her boyfriend.
 - That's okay.
 - No, don't be silly.
 Everybody who sees Santa
 t to get something.
 Here, hold out your little paw there.
 There you go.
 - Don't spoil your dinner.
 -I won't.
 ...now
 And that's the one, Marvin.
 That's the silver tuna.
 t's very G.
 Very G, huh? Ifs loaded
 It's got lats of top-fight goods.
 - Stereos, VCRS.
 - Toys?
 Probably looking at some
 very fine jawelry.
 Possible cash harde.
 81 Lincoln Blvd.
 Odd marketable securities.
 Who knows? It's a gem.
 Grab your crowbar.
 Crowbars up.
 You're a rotter,
 Mr. Grinch
 You're the king
 Of sinful sots
 Your heart's a dead tomato
 Blotched with moldy purple spots,
 Mr. Grinch
 Which way?
 We'll go around back,
 down the basement.
 -You said they were gone.
 - Thay were gonna leave today.
 Let's get out of here.
 We have to use the phone, please.
 It's an emergency.
 We really have to make a call.
 has
 Please! Our brother's home alone.
 Give us the phone!
 I'm sorry. Thank you.
 'm calling the police.
 Book us a flight home.
 Get change out of here.
 Call everybody you know.
 Here's my address book. You and Frank
 call everyone an our street.
 Maybe somebady can heip us
 Hello? Hello?
 Oh, she'll have to call you back.
 This is ridiculaus.
 Only a wimp would be
 hiding under a bed.
 And I can't be a wimp.
 I'm the man of the house.
 Hey, Im not afraid anymore!
 I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
 Do you hear me?
 I'm not afraid anymore.
 Village police department.
 Im calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 rd ike somebody to go there. Tell
 him that we're coming home to get him.
 Okay, lat me connect you
 with Family Crisis Intervention.
 Thanks
 Son of a.
 Merry Christmas.
 May I sit down?
 That's my granddaughter.
 The little red-haired girl.
 She's about your age.
 You know her?
 No.
 You live next to me, don't you?
 You can say helo when you see me.
 You don't have to be afraid.
 There's a lot of things going around
 about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
 You've been good this year?
 I think so.
 You swear to it?
 No.
 Yeah. Woll, this is the place to be
 if you're feeling bad about yourself.
 -It is?
 - I think so.
 Are you feeling bad about yoursel?
 -No.
 Fve been kind of a pain lately.
 I said some things I shouldn't have.
 I really haven't been
 Hold on.
 Larry, can you pick up?
 There's some hyper lady on hold.
 - What line, Rose?
 - Two.
 Family Crisis Intervention,
 Sergeant Balzac.
 too good this year.
 Yeah.
 I'm kind of upset
 because I really like my family.
 Even though sametimes I
 say I don't
 Sometimes I even think I don't.
 Do you get that?
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 I think so.
 Has the child been involved in
 How you feel about family
There will be no Christmas without Home alone

There will be no Christmas without Home alone

ifs: is a complicated thing Especially with an older brother. Deep down, you'l always love him But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. That's not just because you're young. violence with a drunk family member? Where's my suitcase? Miss. Young lady! Exouse me. Girls! Hey, little fella. Hey! Exouse me, girls. Girls! Hey, big fellal Help me make the beds No! Has he been involved in a household accident? I don't know. I hape not Has the child ingested any poison ar is an object lodged in his throat? No, he's home alone! l'd like You want to know the real in the living room. reason why I'm here? Come on down here! somebody to go over to the house. -..and see if he's all right. You want us to go to your house, Sure. I came to hear my granddaughter sing. I can't come hear her tonight. You have plans? Hey, san! Big fella. Hey, little guy! Litle guy! Pete's brother and his family are here. Trish is going to Montreal. Montreal? Oh, her family's there. - Then we're off. just to check on him. Yes! No. Let me connect you to the police I'm not welcome. They just transferred me. At church? -Rose! You're always woloome at church. Im not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family moved on the block... ..I had an argument with my son. - Yeah. -袧褍褉er. -Hang on -Hold on, please. - When? Tomorrow. - You're not ready, are you? Uncle Frank won't let me - No, please don't hang up. Please! Any luck? -I couldn't get anybody. How ald is he? watch the movie He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said I idn't care to see him anymore He said the same, and we haven't ..but the big kids can. Why can't 1? I'm on the phone. When do you come back? - Leslie? Nothing but a bunch of answering machines Somebody pick up. Pick up! Oh, hi, ma'am. IHt's you again. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and L. We'l send a policeman aver to your house to check on your son. There's nobody home. spoken to each other since. Not till then? If vou miss him. why don't y Im afraid if I call H's not even rated R. vou call him? He's just being a jerk. Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no. he won't talk to me, .then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel. Hey, get of Kevin, out of the room. How do you know? I don't know. I'm just afraid. No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid? You can be okd for a lot of things. - You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. I was afraid of our basement The house looks secure. Tell them to count their kids again. Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? This kid. Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? No, I didn't have time. - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. Dad, nobodyll let me do anything. Ive got something, pick up those You can't bump somebody or ask or..? There's no way I can do that. Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? If you said it's an emergency. I cannot ask them. She's sending a policeman house. H's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. sat sort o t of thing. H's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down That Well, that's a relief. MicroMachines that are all over. Everything here is booked. Nothing to Chicago? Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. to do some laundry. .and I found out if's not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. What's your point? My paint is, you should call your son He was playing There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. - What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. Friday morn. That's two days away The kids are exhausted and so are you. There's nothing we can do here. I say we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. Im not leaving hare unless airplane ih the glue gun again. We talked about that. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made ornaments out of fish hooks. - My new fish hooks? -I can't make them out of old anes.. - What if he won't talk to me? - At least you'l know. Then you could stop worrying about it. You won't have to be afraid ..with dry worm guts stuck on them. - Peter. No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. I don't know Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. I'm sure she misses you. And the presents I send her a check. I wish my grandparents did that They always send me clathes. -Come on, Kavin. Out Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? Here's a voltage adapter God, you're getting heavy! Go pack your s褘case. it's on Madame, we are doing everything we can. If you want to stay at the airport, maybe we can get you on standby. It is a possibility that a seat will open up. - Is that okay? Pack my suitcase? Where's the shampoo? -I don't live here This many people here and no shampoo. Are your folks home? - They don't live here. - Tracy, did you order the pizza? Last year I got a sv a sweater Il miss you, honey. Don't you get lost. Goodbye I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap Including all my major crevices. .between my toes and in my belly button. ..which I never did before but enjayed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. I can't find my toothbrush, so l'll pick one up today. Other than that, Im in good shape. All right! Buzz's life savings. I thought the Murphys went to Florida. You're one of the great cat burglars of the world. You think you can keep it with a bird knitted on it. - Buzz did. Oh, that's nice. Excuse me. Are your parents here? My parents live in Paris. Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing samething like that I have a friend who got nailed. ..because there was a rumor -Hi! Hil - Are your parents home? Yeah. he wore dinosaur pajamas. You better run home where you belong. Think about what I said. - All right? - Okay. H's nice talking to you. Nice talking to you. -What about wou? - Me? - Do they live here? -No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. I don't know how to pack a suitcase. Ive never done it once. - Tough. - That's what Megan said. What did I say? Yeah. You and your son. We'l see what happens. You told him "Tough." The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, yau're an idiat"? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. This is my house. I have to defend it. down a little in there? You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. This is Peter McCalister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. Let me give you the number here The country code is 33. The area code is 1-4 and the number is 694-876. - I'm not an idiot! We'l check it out Really? You're helpless! We have to do We can come back for the truck. How do you want to go in? We'l go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. everything for you. - She's right, Kev. Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. I don't know how to pack -I hope you didn't just pack arap. - Shut up, Linnie. Bless this nutritious, microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner. - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? That house we ran last night, was that the MoCalister's? -Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. -I knew they were -Siver tuna tonight ...and the people who sold it on sale. t get scared now. You know what I should pack? Buzz told you, cheek-face. Tailet paper and water. What are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna This is it. Dont Merry Christmas, little fe We know that you're in there, and that you're al alone. Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. H's Santy Claus and his elf. We're not gonna hurt you. No, no. Gat some nice pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call les incompetents. Wow How may I help you? Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dontal Association? Well, I dont know. It doesnt say, hon. Can you please find out? -Herb. What? Bombs away! S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. presents for you. Be a good little fella now and open the dor. What? What? What? This house is so full of people What? What happened? -Get that little. it makes me sick! Yeah? When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! 'm living alonel Who's gonna feed your spider? He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits? Some don't. But they got nude beaches. I got a question here about a toothbrush. Hello. Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? I don't know. Oh, hon, you pay for that here. Wait, you have to pay for that. Yes! Yes! The little jerk is armed! That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! Oh, boy. That's it, you little. Son! Son! You little.. Jimmy, stop that bay! Hey! Shoplifter! No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you? Yes! - Rip his head off.. Hey! Hey, kid! Come back here! Not in the winter. You're dead, kid. Stop it, will you? Come here. I'm a criminal What's so funny? What's so funny? Why are you laughing? You did it again. You left the water running. Why do you do that? I told you nat to do i - It's our calling card. -Calling card. Al the great ones leave their mark We're the wet bandits. You're sick, you know? You're really sick. I'm not sick. Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? Can I sleep here? I don't want to sleap with Fuller. If he drinks, hel wet the bed. Where are you, you little creep?! Harry, I'm coming in! Oh, no! I'm really scared. H's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. Okay, come and get me! Why, you. Now you're dead! fm gonna kill that kid! Why'd you take your shoes off? Why are you dressed like a chickon? Im up here, you morons. I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. Check it aut. Old man Marley. Who's he? You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That's him. In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block. Come and get me. You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? Heads up! Don't worry, Marv. ril get him for you. with a snow shovel. n hiding out in this neighborhood aver since. If he's the shavel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. Everyone around here knows he did it. HIl just be a matter of time.. ..before he does it again. What's he doing? He walks up and down the stroets every night. --salting the sidewaks. Maybe he's just trying to be nice. Ben - Yes, you are. H's a sick thing to do. Yes! - We don't need that. - Don't tell me. I can do it if i want to. It's not sick. Hey, watch out! Heyl Hey! You've gotta watch for traffic. - Sorry. He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him. Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? You're missing some teeth. Where? t's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'I kill him. - Damn. rIl kill him! You bomb me with Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. Okay, okay Merry Christmas. What's the matter? e can, kid and l snap off your cojanes one more o No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt tums the bodies into mummies. and boil them in motor oil! 911 emergency. Hello, my house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. You never know what's up there. I don't like the way that kid looked at me. Ever seen him before? -I saw a hundred kids this weck Let's see what house he goes into. Why's he going faster? I told you something's wrong. He looked at me weird. Why would he run? Maybe he went in the church. I'm not going in there. - Me neither Mummies! Look out! How you kids doing? There he is! I got you! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me. Get up! I got him. What are you doing? Harry, don't move. Don't move. Marv, what are you doing? Did I get him? Did I get him?! Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where you going? You hear me, or what? Gaing on a trip? Where you gaing, kid? Okay, that's $122.50. Not from me, kid. I don't live here. You just around for the holidays? You could say that. Pizza's here! - There you go. That's $122.50. t's my brother's house. He'll get it. Hey, listen. Are you Mr. McCallister? - Yeah. Let's get aut of here. When those guys come back, ni be ready. Did they come back? From Paris? Wel come back tomorrow. Where is it? Where is it? Maybe they'll be gone. We better go before somebody sees us Look what I found in the kitchen. Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! Get that kid, before L. Get that kid Where'd he go? Maybe he committed suicide. Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. - Let's get him! -Wait, wait. t's just what he wants us to do Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. He's gonna call the cops! From a tree house?! Frank, those are for later. Do you want a Sitsle shrimp, huh? Do you speak English? Well, is there. Did you get anybody? -I am looking for my son! No, I can't find anybody. They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. Never mind, forget it. - This is so pointless. The Mr. MoCalister who lives here? Good, because somebody owes me $122.50 rd ike a word with you. Am I under arrest or something? There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. We have automatio timers for our lights, locks for our doors -What? We're here rotting in this apartment. Kavin's at home. Mom's at the airport. Come on, Out the window? That's about as well Im not going out the window Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get aut here as anybody can do. Did you get some eggnog? Come on. So? -You're not worried about Kevin? Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. He's so little and halpless. Don't you think he's freaked? The trout can use a couple of days in the real world. Come on. Let's eat Come on! - Come on. Keep going. Let's go back, Harry. Come on Eggnog? - Pizza! - Are you gonna be leaving.? Hey, guys! Check this out. -Pizza! You're not worried something might happen? No. For three reasons: A I'm not that lucky. Grab a napkin Go back. Go back. and pour your own drinks - Does Santa go through oustoms? -What time do we have to go to bed? Early. We'ra leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. I hope you're all drinking milk I want to get rid of i - Pizza bay needs $122.50, plus fip. For pizza? There he is! Hey, Im calling the cops! Wait, wait! Twa: We have smoke detectors.. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea. Come on. .and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States... ..where nothing even remotely We outsmarted you this time. dangerous will ever happen. Period. Who is it? Get over here! I's Little Nero's. What are you gorna do, Harry? l do exactly what he did to us. Burn his head with a blowtorch ril smash his face with an iron. rd ike to slap him I have your pizza. Leave it on the doorstep Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. You've got money. Traveler's checks. and get out af here Forget it, Frank. We have cash You probably got the checks that dan't work in France. 袨泻邪y. What about the money? What money? Well, you have to pay for your pizza, Is that a fact? in the face with a paint can! Shove a nail through his foot! Im gonna bite off every one of Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Yeah. But if you want any. sir these little fingers, one at a ime. Come on. Lets get you home. ..somebody's gonna have to barfit up because it's gone. Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. Kevl Kev, get a plate. - Passports! How much do I owe you? That'l be $11.80, Wow! This is great. Nice move, leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit We've been looking for you guys for a long time. Yeah. Well, romember, Kaep the change, you filthy animal. - Cheapskate. -Hey. I'm ganna give you Watch it! No, no. Get these passports out of here. to the count of ten. Are you okay, honey? Come here. Ara you all right? What is the matter with you? . to get your ugly. yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. befara I pump y One, two.. ten. we're the "Wet Bandits." - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T. - Shut up! Get in the car! ou full of lead. He started it He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives Hey, come Come on. Alovely cheese pizza, just for me - To Dallas/Forth Worth. -Hand off the head, pall! Come on Look what you did, you little jerk! Get upstairs now. Why? American Airlines. Im a bad parent. Im a bad parent. No, you're not. You're beating yourself up there. So we have the $500, the pocket translator. You're such a disease. 鈥瀟he two first-class seats thaf's an upgrade. Is that a real Rolax? -Shut up! - Kevin, upstairs! Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night. Kevin." Why do I get treated like scum? Im sorry. This house is just crazy. These things happen, you know. You want to talk about bad parents? -Do vou think it is? Look at us - No. But who can tell? We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year. We hardly see our families. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brather's in from Ohio. I also have a ring. Oh, that is beautifull They're boarding. Joe, aver there. Gosh, you know.. .he forgets his kids' names half the time. Ziggy over there, She's offered us two first-class How come you didnit bring tickets if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, $500 and.. The earrings. She's got her own earrings he's never oven met his kid. more cheese pizzas? Eddy. Let's just hope Nice tip. Thanks. none of them write a book about him. Having a reunion? My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. He missed the family. Tell me, have you gone on vacation nd left your child home? A whole shoebox full of them. No. - Come on, come on. No, but. But I did leave one so he invited us to Paris. at a funeral parlor once. Yeah, it was terble too. ...so we'll be together. You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. Im desperate. Im begging you. From a mother to a mother,. Please! I was all distraught and everything The wife and I, we left the litle Excellent. Exoellent. -Oh, Ed. tyke there in the funeral parlo. All day. You know, we went If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. And don't worry about your home. I's in good hands. There are 15 people, and only you -Please! Oh, all right "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister last year. This vear Id rather have some Clay-Doh. back at night, when we.. .came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there all day with a corpse. Now, he was okay I didn't mean it If you come back, Pll never be You know, afer six, seven weeks. He came around have to make trouble. I'm getting dumped on You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy! a pain in the butt again. I promise. Good night. Im dreaming Of a white Christmas and started talking again. They get over it. Kids are resiliant like that. The third floor? We shouldn't talk about this. -Go. -If's scary up there. Fullerli be up in a little while. I don't want to sleep with Fuller. I was just trying to cheer you up. Im sorry I did. Just like the ones I used to know Where those treetops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells In the snow Mom? Mom? He wets the bed. Kavin! He'll pee all over me. I know it. Wel put him somewhere else. Im sorry. t's too late. Get upstairs Everyone in this family hates me! Then ask Santa for a new family. I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! Stay up thare. I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. I don't want to see anybody else either. I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up and didn't have a family. No, I wouldn't. Then say it again. Maybe itl happen. I hope I never see any of you jerks again! I wish they would all just disappear. Where are thay'? -I don't know. She said 8 sharp. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Oh, Kevin. I'm so sory. The snow Are those microwave dinners good? I don't know. Where's everybody else? Oh, baby, they couldn't oome. They wanted to so much. Ididn't fall asleep in the back Pl give them a whirl. Hold on, I got a coupon for that It was in the paper this moming. and drool all over you, did 1? - You do drool! Shut up! Kevin, my boy. How are you? You're all right. I love you. You okay? t's cool that you didn't $19.83. Okay. Are you here all by yourself? Ma'am, I'm 8 years old You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. Where's your mom? In the car Where's your dad? -He's at work. What about brothers and sisters? Im an only child. Where do you live? -I can't tell you. Why not? -Cause you're a stranger Hello, Kevin! Shut up! I don't get it. t looks like there's nabody's hame. Last night the place is jumping. Something ain't right. Go check it aut. Now? burn the plape down. Thanks, Buzz. Wait a minute. How'd you guys get hame? On the moming flight you didn't Oh, no. Oh! Thank you - Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Someone has to find an open store. I went shopping yesterday. You, shopping? I got some milk, eggs Peter! We slept in! Hi, 'm Mitch Murphy. Iive across the street and fabric softener. What? - No kidding? What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? Just hung around. Bring your stuff upstairs. He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? Honey, what's this? Kevin! What did you do You guys going out of town? We're going to Florida Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. You know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold? - Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! "Now." Shit! Get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny. But what about my money? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact2 How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C Do a head count. to my room? Get everyone in the vans. Where are the passports? I put them in the microwave to dry. How fast does this go? Does it have automatic transmission? +wheel drive? Does it have d Look, I told you before, kid Don't bother me. Now, beat it! Line up in front of the van. Ain't in charge no more. What do you mean? Line up and shut up! He's upstairs, taking a bath. Wow! Ho'll call you when he gets out. Hey, I toll you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. - Snakes? - Pl give you to the count of ten. ... to get your ugly. yellow, no-good. .keister off my property.. before I pump you full of lead All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. Im going Shut up! One, two, three. Eleven, 92, 12. Buzz, don't be a moron. Six, seven, eight. .nine, 10, 11 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go Have a good trip. Bring me back something French. There's no way we'll make this plane. One, two. ten, Keep the change, you fithy animal. What happened? I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. Somebady beat us, they're in there It leaves in 45 minutes. Think positivel You be positive. l be reaistic. Excuse me, your power is fixed.. ..but the phones are a mess. Two of them. HIl take a couple of days to fix. .especially around the holidays. s arguing. One blow the other one away. There AARRA -Thanks - Who? I don't know. I recognized one aof their voices. I heard that name "Snakes' before. Did you count heads? Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, two drivers. Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes Snakes. Lefs get aut of here Hold it. Hold it Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too. Suppose the cops finger us for a job ...and they ask us about ..and a partridge in a pear troe Hold the plane! Did we miss it? You just made i Single seats only in coach Take whatever's free I get a window seat! Kids are in coach, we're first class Seats Four A and B. a murder in the area. Four A and D, ril take your coats. Fasten your seat belts. -Champagne, please, -If's free, isn't it? Oh, yes We made it. Wouldn't it be nice to have a face to go with it? That's a good idea Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? He sounded like a snake Do you believe i? Hope we didn't forget anything Everything's ful. Everything's ful? Im very sorry, but Mom? That's real. It's real crystal. Yeah, so? Put them in your purse. -Frank, I can't do that Just. Put them in your pursel Yeah. Fil it up. Fill it up. Fill it up, please. Thank you. Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in coach? No. The kids are fine. it is Christmas Eve. What about another airine? Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? Tomorrow we can get you a fight. I can't wait that long. Im sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. Im in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to go Gat a ticket there, good. Excuse me Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. f'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris, The anly time I ever t in the station wagan, not to France. We had to go to Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur's to Dallas, to. Where am 1? Kids are okay. They're having Scranton. the time of their lives. I'm trying to get hame to my 8-yearold san. Now you're teling me it's hopeless? -I'm sorry No. No way. Hello? Mom? Dad? Where are you guys? Buzz? Megan? This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope. IfI have to get on your ruway and hitchhike. Hello? Rod? Unole Frank? Uncle Frank, is this a joke? Megan? Linnie? Is this a joke? It's anly my imagination. Only my imagination. -.if it costs me everything I own. if I have to sell my soul to the Devil himself. .I am going to get home to my son. Ma'am, there was anything. Do it. Do anything. -I can get you a hatel room. What? Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a socond, please? The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! I made my family disappear. You're completely helpless You know, Kevin. Excuse us. you're what the French cal You got a little bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. les incompetents. Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula. Kevin, you are such There are 15 people, and you're Gus Polinski. a disease Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? the only or trouble. -Hi there. - Hiya. That's okay. I thought you might have recognized. I had a few hits a few years ago That's why I just.. "Polka. Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka "Twin Lakes Polka"? Look what you did, you little jerk! I made my family disappear. I'm free! Wow! No clothes on anybody. Sickening! Col Firecrackers! l save these for later. Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. You better come out and pound me! Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof Who is it? t's mo. Snakes "Yamahoozie Palka." a.k.a. "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist? These are songs? Yeah. Yeah, we. Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the earty "80s e sold about 623 copies of that. -In Chicago? - No, Shebaygan. Very big in Shebaygan. Did you say you could help? Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled. ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket over there? He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? To see your kid or something? Uh, my son. He. We ieft, and he's there. If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee. - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? You've got to get home. -A ride to Chicaga? - Sure, its Christmastime. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You don't mind going with polka bums? No, I'd love to. I got the stuff. Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. Al right, Johnny. but what about my monay? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop mel He'll call you when he gets out. Il tell you what I'm gonna give you. I m gonna give you to the count of ten. et your ugly. yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pump your guts full of lead. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going. One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. Mom! Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv! What's the matter? Honey? I have a terrible feeling. About what? That we didn't do something. You feel that way because we left in a hurry. Look at this. I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner Dad, can you come here and help me? Remember that kid we saw the other day? He lives here of everything- I tum off the coffee? We took care o Did I If the kid's here, the parent's gat to be. I did. Did you lock up? He's home alone. What? You want to come Yeah. back tonight? Even with the kid here? I don't think that's a good idea. That house is the reason we worked this block. Did you alose the garage? That's it. I forgat to close the garage. Thee That's it. No, that's not it. Ever since I saw that house, I wanted it. Let's take it one step at a time. We'l unload the van, get a bite What else could we be forgetting? 螝伪谓in! The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. Wel call when we land. Im sure it's okay. to eat, we'l come back about 9:00. Nine o'clock. This way it's dark then 袧orible. Horrible. Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. Just horrible. How could we do this? We forgot him. We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are Not, not not. You are so. Mom, where are you? Do you play? Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! What kind of mother am ? If it makes you feel any better, I forgat my reading glasses. Five families gone an one block alone. - Excuse me. - Yeah? Hey, nice shoes. Oh, thanks. Is he still here? It's really important that I see him. He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. How low! Giving Kriss Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots They all told me from their own mouths. H's almost too easy. Check it out: All the houses with nobody home.. ...have automatic timers an their lights. But I got it all figured out. Watch this. Number 064 will be going on right about. for the Easter Bunny? Wait, wait, wait. Santa, hold on - Can I talk to you for a minute? -Quickly. Number 682. .right now. Wait a minute. Santa's running late. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiasity. - I'm old enaugh to know how it works. All right. But I also know you work for him. - I'd ike you to give him a message. - Shoot. Kevin McCallister, 681 Do you need the phone number? No, that's all right. This is extremely important. Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? Okay. - Pl see what I can do. Thanks. Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa t to get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. - Don't spoil your dinner. -I won't. ...now And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. t's very G. Very G, huh? Ifs loaded It's got lats of top-fight goods. - Stereos, VCRS. - Toys? Probably looking at some very fine jawelry. Possible cash harde. 81 Lincoln Blvd. Odd marketable securities. Who knows? It's a gem. Grab your crowbar. Crowbars up. You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king Of sinful sots Your heart's a dead tomato Blotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch Which way? We'll go around back, down the basement. -You said they were gone. - Thay were gonna leave today. Let's get out of here. We have to use the phone, please. It's an emergency. We really have to make a call. has Please! Our brother's home alone. Give us the phone! I'm sorry. Thank you. 'm calling the police. Book us a flight home. Get change out of here. Call everybody you know. Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone an our street. Maybe somebady can heip us Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. This is ridiculaus. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. Hey, Im not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore. Village police department. Im calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. rd ike somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming home to get him. Okay, lat me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. Thanks Son of a. Merry Christmas. May I sit down? That's my granddaughter. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. You know her? No. You live next to me, don't you? You can say helo when you see me. You don't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? You've been good this year? I think so. You swear to it? No. Yeah. Woll, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. -It is? - I think so. Are you feeling bad about yoursel? -No. Fve been kind of a pain lately. I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been Hold on. Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. - What line, Rose? - Two. Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. too good this year. Yeah. I'm kind of upset because I really like my family. Even though sametimes I say I don't Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. I think so. Has the child been involved in How you feel about family Me_irl
ifs: is a complicated thing
 Especially with an older brother.
 Deep down, you'l always love him
 But you can forget that you love him.
 You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
 That's not just because you're young.
 violence with a drunk family member?
 Where's my suitcase?
 Miss. Young lady!
 Exouse me. Girls!
 Hey, little fella. Hey!
 Exouse me, girls. Girls!
 Hey, big fellal
 Help me make the beds
 No!
 Has he been involved
 in a household accident?
 I don't know. I hape not
 Has the child ingested any poison
 ar is an object lodged in his throat?
 No, he's home alone! l'd like
 You want to know the real
 in the living room.
 reason why I'm here?
 Come on down here!
 somebody to go over to the house.
 -..and see if he's all right.
 You want us to go to your house,
 Sure.
 I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
 I can't come hear her tonight.
 You have plans?
 Hey, san!
 Big fella.
 Hey, little guy! Litle guy!
 Pete's brother
 and his family are here.
 Trish is going to Montreal.
 Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
 - Then we're off.
 just to check on him.
 Yes!
 No.
 Let me connect you to the police
 I'm not welcome.
 They just transferred me.
 At church?
 -Rose!
 You're always woloome at church.
 Im not welcome with my son.
 Years back, before you and your family
 moved on the block...
 ..I had an argument with my son.
 - Yeah.
 -袧褍褉er.
 -Hang on
 -Hold on, please.
 - When?
 Tomorrow.
 - You're not ready, are you?
 Uncle Frank won't let me
 - No, please don't hang up. Please!
 Any luck?
 -I couldn't get anybody.
 How ald is he?
 watch the movie
 He's grown up.
 We lost our tempers, and I said
 I idn't care to see him anymore
 He said the same, and we haven't
 ..but the big kids can.
 Why can't 1?
 I'm on the phone.
 When do you come back?
 - Leslie?
 Nothing but a bunch
 of answering machines
 Somebody pick up. Pick up!
 Oh, hi, ma'am. IHt's you again.
 Look, I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone, and L.
 We'l send a policeman aver
 to your house to check on your son.
 There's nobody home.
 spoken to each other since.
 Not till then?
 If vou miss him.
 why don't y
 Im afraid if I call
 H's not even rated R.
 vou call him?
 He's just being a jerk.
 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no.
 he won't talk to me,
 .then it must be really bad.
 No, we put the dog in the kennel.
 Hey, get of
 Kevin, out of the room.
 How do you know?
 I don't know.
 I'm just afraid.
 No offense, but aren't you
 a little old to be afraid?
 You can be okd for a lot of things.
 - You're never too old to be afraid.
 - That's true.
 I was afraid of our basement
 The house looks secure.
 Tell them to count their kids again.
 Hang up the phone and make me,
 why don't you?
 This kid.
 Did you pick up
 a voltage adaptor thing?
 No, I didn't have time.
 - Then how do I shave in France?
 - Grow a goatee.
 Dad, nobodyll let me do anything.
 Ive got something, pick up those
 You can't bump somebody or ask or..?
 There's no way I can do that.
 Isn't there a way
 if you ask somebody?
 If you said it's an emergency.
 I cannot ask them.
 She's sending a policeman
 house.
 H's dark. There's weird stuff
 down there, and it smells funny.
 sat sort o
 t of thing.
 H's bothered me for years.
 Basements are like that.
 I made myself go down
 That
 Well, that's a relief.
 MicroMachines that are all over.
 Everything here is booked.
 Nothing to Chicago?
 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
 to do some laundry.
 .and I found out if's not so bad.
 I worried about it, but if you
 turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
 What's your point?
 My paint is,
 you should call your son
 He was playing
 There's nothing to Chicago,
 New York, Nashville.
 - What about a private plane?
 - Sorry. We don't do that.
 The only thing is a booking
 for us on Friday morning.
 Friday morn. That's two days away
 The kids are exhausted and so are you.
 There's nothing we can do here.
 I say we go over to Rob's, and that
 way we can call the police again.
 Im not leaving hare unless
 airplane
 ih the glue gun again.
 We talked about that.
 Did I burn down the joint?
 I don't think so.
 I made ornaments out of fish hooks.
 - My new fish hooks?
 -I can't make them out of old anes..
 - What if he won't talk to me?
 - At least you'l know.
 Then you could stop worrying about it.
 You won't have to be afraid
 ..with dry worm guts stuck on them.
 - Peter.
 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
 Dad. Especially around the holidays.
 I don't know
 Just give it a shot.
 For your granddaughter anyway.
 I'm sure she misses you.
 And the presents
 I send her a check.
 I wish my grandparents did that
 They always send me clathes.
 -Come on, Kavin. Out
 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
 Here's a voltage adapter
 God, you're getting heavy!
 Go pack your s褘case.
 it's on
 Madame, we are doing
 everything we can.
 If you want to stay at the airport,
 maybe we can get you on standby.
 It is a possibility
 that a seat will open up.
 - Is that okay?
 Pack my suitcase?
 Where's the shampoo?
 -I don't live here
 This many people here and no shampoo.
 Are your folks home?
 - They don't live here.
 - Tracy, did you order the pizza?
 Last year I got a sv
 a sweater
 Il miss you, honey.
 Don't you get lost.
 Goodbye
 I took a shower, washing every
 body part with actual soap
 Including all my major crevices.
 .between my toes
 and in my belly button.
 ..which I never did before
 but enjayed.
 I washed my hair with adult formula
 shampoo and used creme rinse.
 I can't find my toothbrush,
 so l'll pick one up today.
 Other than that, Im in good shape.
 All right! Buzz's life savings.
 I thought the Murphys
 went to Florida.
 You're one of the great
 cat burglars of the world.
 You think you can keep it
 with a bird knitted on it.
 - Buzz did.
 Oh, that's nice.
 Excuse me. Are your parents here?
 My parents live in Paris.
 Not for a guy in the second grade.
 You can get beat up for wearing
 samething like that
 I have a friend who got nailed.
 ..because there was a rumor
 -Hi!
 Hil
 - Are your parents home?
 Yeah.
 he wore dinosaur pajamas.
 You better run home where you belong.
 Think about what I said.
 - All right?
 - Okay.
 H's nice talking to you.
 Nice talking to you.
 -What about wou?
 - Me?
 - Do they live here?
 -No.
 Why should they?
 All kids, no parents.
 Probably a fancy orphanage.
 I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
 Ive never done it once.
 - Tough.
 - That's what Megan said.
 What did I say?
 Yeah. You and your son.
 We'l see what happens.
 You told him "Tough."
 The dope was whining about a suitcase.
 What was I supposed to say?
 "Congratulations, yau're an idiat"?
 Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 This is my house.
 I have to defend it.
 down a little in there?
 You've reached the Murphy's.
 Please leave a message after the beep.
 This is Peter McCalister again.
 We're in Paris at my brother's.
 Let me give you the number here
 The country code is 33.
 The area code is 1-4 and the number
 is 694-876.
 - I'm not an idiot!
 We'l check it out
 Really?
 You're helpless! We have to do
 We can come back for the truck.
 How do you want to go in?
 We'l go to the back door.
 Maybe he'll let us in
 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
 everything for you.
 - She's right, Kev.
 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
 I don't know how to pack
 -I hope you didn't just pack arap.
 - Shut up, Linnie.
 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
 macaroni and cheese dinner.
 - Hey, Harry.
 - Yeah?
 That house we ran last night,
 was that the MoCalister's?
 -Call me in Paris.
 - You're right. They're gone.
 -I knew they were
 -Siver tuna tonight
 ...and the people who sold
 it on sale.
 t get scared now.
 You know what I should pack?
 Buzz told you, cheek-face.
 Tailet paper and water.
 What are you so worried about?
 You know Mom's gonna
 This is it. Dont
 Merry Christmas, little fe
 We know that you're in there,
 and that you're al alone.
 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
 H's Santy Claus and his elf.
 We're not gonna hurt you.
 No, no. Gat some nice
 pack your stuff, anyway.
 You're what the French call
 les incompetents.
 Wow
 How may I help you?
 Is this toothbrush approved
 by the American Dontal Association?
 Well, I dont know.
 It doesnt say, hon.
 Can you please find out?
 -Herb.
 What?
 Bombs away!
 S. You have to sleep
 on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
 If he has something to drink,
 he'll wet the bed.
 presents for you.
 Be a good little fella now
 and open the dor.
 What?
 What? What?
 This house is so full of people
 What?
 What happened?
 -Get that little.
 it makes me sick!
 Yeah?
 When I grow up and get married,
 I'm living alone!
 Did you hear me?
 I'm living alone!
 'm living alonel
 Who's gonna feed your spider?
 He just ate a load of mice guts.
 He'll be good for a couple weeks.
 Is it true French babes
 don't shave their pits?
 Some don't.
 But they got nude beaches.
 I got a question here
 about a toothbrush.
 Hello.
 Do you know, is this brush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 I don't know.
 Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
 Wait, you have to pay for that.
 Yes! Yes!
 The little jerk is armed!
 That's it! I'm going in the front.
 You go down the basement!
 Oh, boy. That's it, you little.
 Son! Son!
 You little..
 Jimmy, stop that bay!
 Hey!
 Shoplifter!
 No, not this time, you little brat.
 You little creep, where are you?
 Yes!
 - Rip his head off..
 Hey! Hey, kid!
 Come back here!
 Not in the winter.
 You're dead, kid.
 Stop it, will you?
 Come here.
 I'm a criminal
 What's so funny?
 What's so funny?
 Why are you laughing?
 You did it again.
 You left the water running.
 Why do you do that?
 I told you nat to do i
 - It's our calling card.
 -Calling card.
 Al the great ones leave their mark
 We're the wet bandits.
 You're sick, you know?
 You're really sick.
 I'm not sick.
 Don't you know how to knock,
 phlegm-wad?
 Can I sleep here?
 I don't want to sleap with Fuller.
 If he drinks, hel wet the bed.
 Where are you, you little creep?!
 Harry, I'm coming in!
 Oh, no! I'm really scared.
 H's too late for you, kid, we're
 in the house. We're gonna get you.
 Okay, come and get me!
 Why, you.
 Now you're dead!
 fm gonna kill that kid!
 Why'd you take your shoes off?
 Why are you dressed like a chickon?
 Im up here, you morons.
 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
 if you were growing on my ass.
 Check it aut.
 Old man Marley.
 Who's he?
 You ever heard of the South Bend
 Shovel Slayer?
 That's him.
 In '58 he murdered his whole family
 and half the people on his block.
 Come and get me.
 You guys give up, or are you
 thirsty for more?
 Heads up!
 Don't worry, Marv.
 ril get him for you.
 with a snow shovel.
 n hiding out
 in this neighborhood aver since.
 If he's the shavel slayer,
 how come the cops don't arrest him?
 Not enough evidence to convict.
 They never found the bodies.
 Everyone around here knows he did it.
 HIl just be a matter of time..
 ..before he does it again.
 What's he doing?
 He walks up and down the stroets
 every night.
 --salting the sidewaks.
 Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
 Ben
 - Yes, you are.
 H's a sick thing to do.
 Yes!
 - We don't need that.
 - Don't tell me.
 I can do it if i want to.
 It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
 Heyl Hey!
 You've gotta watch for traffic.
 - Sorry.
 He's only a kid, Harry.
 We can take him.
 Ah, shut up, will you?
 What is it?
 You're missing some teeth.
 Where? t's my gold tooth.
 My gold tooth. I'I kill him.
 - Damn.
 rIl kill him!
 You bomb me with
 Santy don't visit
 the funeral homes, buddy.
 Okay, okay
 Merry Christmas.
 What's the matter?
 e can, kid
 and l snap off your cojanes
 one more o
 No way.
 See that garbage can full of salt?
 That's where he keeps his victims.
 The salt tums the bodies
 into mummies.
 and boil them in motor oil!
 911 emergency.
 Hello, my house is being robbed.
 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
 My name is Murphy.
 You never know what's up there.
 I don't like the way
 that kid looked at me.
 Ever seen him before?
 -I saw a hundred kids this weck
 Let's see what house he goes into.
 Why's he going faster?
 I told you something's wrong.
 He looked at me weird.
 Why would he run?
 Maybe he went in the church.
 I'm not going in there.
 - Me neither
 Mummies!
 Look out!
 How you kids doing?
 There he is!
 I got you! I got him, Harry.
 I got him.
 Harry, give me a hand!
 I got him!
 Harry, help me. Get up!
 I got him.
 What are you doing?
 Harry, don't move.
 Don't move.
 Marv, what are you doing?
 Did I get him?
 Did I get him?!
 Good?
 Lot of action around here today, huh?
 Going on vacation?
 Where you going?
 You hear me, or what?
 Gaing on a trip?
 Where you gaing, kid?
 Okay, that's $122.50.
 Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
 You just around for the holidays?
 You could say that.
 Pizza's here!
 - There you go.
 That's $122.50.
 t's my brother's house.
 He'll get it.
 Hey, listen.
 Are you Mr. McCallister?
 - Yeah.
 Let's get aut of here.
 When those guys come back,
 ni be ready.
 Did they come back?
 From Paris?
 Wel come back tomorrow.
 Where is it? Where is it?
 Maybe they'll be gone.
 We better go before somebody sees us
 Look what I found in the kitchen.
 Never mind that. Here!
 How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
 Get that kid, before L.
 Get that kid
 Where'd he go?
 Maybe he committed suicide.
 Down here, you big horse's ass!
 Come get me before I call the police.
 - Let's get him!
 -Wait, wait.
 t's just what he wants us to do
 Go back through his fun house
 so we get all tore up.
 He's gonna call the cops!
 From a tree house?!
 Frank, those are for later.
 Do you want a Sitsle shrimp, huh?
 Do you speak English?
 Well, is there.
 Did you get anybody?
 -I am looking for my son!
 No, I can't find anybody.
 They're all shopping.
 Nobody's home for the holidays.
 Never mind, forget it.
 - This is so pointless.
 The Mr. MoCalister who lives here?
 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50
 rd ike a word with you.
 Am I under arrest or something?
 There's always a lot of burglaries
 around the holidays.
 We're checking the neighborhood to see
 if the proper precautions are taken.
 We have automatio timers for our
 lights, locks for our doors
 -What?
 We're here rotting in this apartment.
 Kavin's at home.
 Mom's at the airport.
 Come on,
 Out the window?
 That's about as well
 Im not going out the window
 Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
 Come on, get aut here
 as anybody can do.
 Did you get some eggnog?
 Come on.
 So?
 -You're not worried about Kevin?
 Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk
 and now he caught it in the butt.
 He's so little and halpless.
 Don't you think he's freaked?
 The trout can use a couple of days
 in the real world.
 Come on.
 Let's eat
 Come on!
 - Come on. Keep going.
 Let's go back, Harry.
 Come on
 Eggnog?
 - Pizza!
 - Are you gonna be leaving.?
 Hey, guys!
 Check this out.
 -Pizza!
 You're not worried
 something might happen?
 No. For three reasons:
 A I'm not that lucky.
 Grab a napkin
 Go back. Go back.
 and pour your own drinks
 - Does Santa go through oustoms?
 -What time do we have to go to bed?
 Early. We'ra leaving at 8 a.m.
 On the button.
 I hope you're all drinking milk
 I want to get rid of i
 - Pizza bay needs $122.50, plus fip.
 For pizza?
 There he is!
 Hey, Im calling the cops!
 Wait, wait!
 Twa: We have smoke detectors..
 He wants us to follow him.
 I got a better idea. Come on.
 .and D: We live in the most boring
 street in the United States...
 ..where nothing even remotely
 We outsmarted you this time.
 dangerous will ever happen. Period.
 Who is it?
 Get over here!
 I's Little Nero's.
 What are you gorna do, Harry?
 l do exactly what he did to us.
 Burn his head with a blowtorch
 ril smash his face with an iron.
 rd ike to slap him
 I have your pizza.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
 You've got money.
 Traveler's checks.
 and get out af here
 Forget it, Frank. We have cash
 You probably got the checks
 that dan't work in France.
 袨泻邪y.
 What about the money?
 What money?
 Well, you have to pay
 for your pizza,
 Is that a fact?
 in the face with a paint can!
 Shove a nail through his foot!
 Im gonna bite off every one of
 Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
 Yeah. But if you want any.
 sir
 these little fingers, one at a ime.
 Come on. Lets get you home.
 ..somebody's gonna have to barfit up
 because it's gone.
 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
 Kevl Kev, get a plate.
 - Passports!
 How much do I owe you?
 That'l be $11.80,
 Wow! This is great.
 Nice move,
 leaving the water running.
 Now we know each and every house
 that you've hit
 We've been looking for you guys
 for a long time.
 Yeah. Well, romember,
 Kaep the change, you filthy animal.
 - Cheapskate.
 -Hey.
 I'm ganna give you
 Watch it!
 No, no. Get these passports
 out of here.
 to the count of ten.
 Are you okay, honey? Come here.
 Ara you all right?
 What is the matter with you?
 . to get your ugly. yellow.
 ... no-good keister
 off my property.
 befara I pump y
 One, two.. ten.
 we're the "Wet Bandits."
 - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T.
 - Shut up! Get in the car!
 ou full of lead.
 He started it
 He ate my pizza on purpose.
 He knows I hate sausage and olives
 Hey, come
 Come on.
 Alovely cheese pizza, just for me
 - To Dallas/Forth Worth.
 -Hand off the head, pall!
 Come on
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 Get upstairs now.
 Why?
 American Airlines.
 Im a bad parent. Im a bad parent.
 No, you're not.
 You're beating yourself up there.
 So we have the $500,
 the pocket translator.
 You're such a disease.
 鈥瀟he two first-class seats
 thaf's an upgrade.
 Is that a real Rolax?
 -Shut up!
 - Kevin, upstairs!
 Say good night, Kevin.
 - "Good night. Kevin."
 Why do I get treated like scum?
 Im sorry. This house is just crazy.
 These things happen, you know.
 You want to talk about bad parents?
 -Do vou think it is?
 Look at us
 - No.
 But who can tell?
 We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
 We hardly see our families.
 We've got all these extra kids
 running around.
 My brather's in from Ohio.
 I also have a ring.
 Oh, that is beautifull
 They're boarding.
 Joe, aver there. Gosh, you know..
 .he forgets his kids' names
 half the time.
 Ziggy over there,
 She's offered us two first-class
 How come you didnit bring
 tickets if we go Friday.
 Plus a ring, a watch,
 a pocket translator, $500 and..
 The earrings.
 She's got her own earrings
 he's never oven met his kid.
 more cheese pizzas?
 Eddy. Let's just hope
 Nice tip. Thanks.
 none of them write a book about him.
 Having a reunion?
 My husband's brother transferred
 to Paris. His kids are still here.
 He missed the family.
 Tell me, have you gone on vacation
 nd left your child home?
 A whole shoebox full of them.
 No.
 - Come on, come on.
 No, but.
 But I did leave one
 so he invited us to Paris.
 at a funeral parlor once.
 Yeah, it was terble too.
 ...so we'll be together.
 You're taking a trip to Paris?
 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
 Im desperate.
 Im begging you.
 From a mother to a mother,. Please!
 I was all distraught and everything
 The wife and I, we left the litle
 Excellent. Exoellent.
 -Oh, Ed.
 tyke there in the funeral parlo.
 All day. You know, we went
 If you'll excuse me, this one's
 a little out of sorts.
 Don't worry about me.
 I spoke to your husband.
 And don't worry about your home.
 I's in good hands.
 There are 15 people, and only you
 -Please!
 Oh, all right
 "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister
 last year.
 This vear Id rather have
 some Clay-Doh.
 back at night, when we..
 .came to our senses,
 there he was.
 Apparently, he was there
 all day with a corpse.
 Now, he was okay
 I didn't mean it
 If you come back, Pll never be
 You know, afer six, seven weeks.
 He came around
 have to make trouble.
 I'm getting dumped on
 You're the only one acting up.
 Now get upstairs.
 I am upstairs, dummy!
 a pain in the butt again.
 I promise. Good night.
 Im dreaming
 Of a white
 Christmas
 and started talking again.
 They get over it.
 Kids are resiliant like that.
 The third floor?
 We shouldn't talk about this.
 -Go.
 -If's scary up there.
 Fullerli be up in a little while.
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 I was just trying to cheer you up.
 Im sorry I did.
 Just like the ones
 I used to know
 Where those treetops glisten
 And children listen
 To hear sleigh bells
 In the snow
 Mom?
 Mom?
 He wets the bed.
 Kavin!
 He'll pee all over me. I know it.
 Wel put him somewhere else.
 Im sorry.
 t's too late. Get upstairs
 Everyone in this family hates me!
 Then ask Santa for a new family.
 I don't want a new family. I don't
 want any family. Families suck!
 Stay up thare. I don't want
 to see you again tonight.
 I don't want to see you
 for the rest of my life.
 I don't want to see
 anybody else either.
 I hope you don't mean that.
 You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up
 and didn't have a family.
 No, I wouldn't.
 Then say it again.
 Maybe itl happen.
 I hope I never see any
 of you jerks again!
 I wish they would all just disappear.
 Where are thay'?
 -I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
 Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
 Oh, Kevin. I'm so sory.
 The snow
 Are those microwave dinners good?
 I don't know.
 Where's everybody else?
 Oh, baby, they couldn't oome.
 They wanted to so much.
 Ididn't fall asleep in the back
 Pl give them a whirl.
 Hold on, I got a coupon for that
 It was in the paper this moming.
 and drool all over you, did 1?
 - You do drool!
 Shut up!
 Kevin, my boy. How are you?
 You're all right.
 I love you. You okay?
 t's cool that you didn't
 $19.83.
 Okay.
 Are you here all by yourself?
 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old
 You think I'd be here alone?
 I don't think so.
 Where's your mom?
 In the car
 Where's your dad?
 -He's at work.
 What about brothers and sisters?
 Im an only child.
 Where do you live?
 -I can't tell you.
 Why not?
 -Cause you're a stranger
 Hello, Kevin!
 Shut up!
 I don't get it.
 t looks like there's nabody's hame.
 Last night the place is jumping.
 Something ain't right.
 Go check it aut.
 Now?
 burn the plape down.
 Thanks, Buzz.
 Wait a minute.
 How'd you guys get hame?
 On the moming flight you didn't
 Oh, no. Oh! Thank you
 - Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 Someone has to find an open store.
 I went shopping yesterday.
 You, shopping?
 I got some milk, eggs
 Peter!
 We slept in!
 Hi, 'm Mitch Murphy.
 Iive across the street
 and fabric softener.
 What?
 - No kidding?
 What a funny guy.
 What else did you do
 while we were away?
 Just hung around.
 Bring your stuff upstairs.
 He went shopping? He doesn't know how
 to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
 Honey, what's this?
 Kevin! What did you do
 You guys going out of town?
 We're going to Florida
 Well, first we're going to Missouri
 to pick up my grandma
 No, tomorrow, egghead!
 Now! Go ahead.
 You know the McCallisters
 are going to France?
 Do you know if it's cold?
 - Do these vans get good mileage?
 - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
 "Now."
 Shit!
 Get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny.
 But what about my money?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had
 some dough for me.
 Is that a fact2
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C
 Do a head count.
 to my room?
 Get everyone in the vans.
 Where are the passports?
 I put them in the microwave to dry.
 How fast does this go?
 Does it have automatic transmission?
 +wheel drive?
 Does it have d
 Look, I told you before, kid
 Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
 Line up in front of the van.
 Ain't in charge no more.
 What do you mean?
 Line up and shut up!
 He's upstairs, taking a bath.
 Wow!
 Ho'll call you when he gets out.
 Hey, I toll you what I'm
 gonna give you, Snakes.
 - Snakes?
 - Pl give you to the count of ten.
 ... to get your ugly.
 yellow, no-good.
 .keister off my property..
 before I pump you full of lead
 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
 Im going
 Shut up!
 One, two, three.
 Eleven, 92, 12.
 Buzz, don't be a moron.
 Six, seven, eight.
 .nine, 10, 11
 Okay, half in this van,
 half in this one. Let's go
 Have a good trip.
 Bring me back something French.
 There's no way we'll make this plane.
 One, two. ten,
 Keep the change, you fithy animal.
 What happened?
 I don't know who, but somebody
 just got blown away.
 Somebady beat us,
 they're in there
 It leaves in 45 minutes.
 Think positivel
 You be positive.
 l be reaistic.
 Excuse me, your power is fixed..
 ..but the phones are a mess.
 Two of them.
 HIl take a couple of days to fix.
 .especially around the holidays.
 s arguing.
 One blow the other one away.
 There
 AARRA
 -Thanks
 - Who?
 I don't know.
 I recognized one aof their voices.
 I heard that name "Snakes' before.
 Did you count heads?
 Eleven, including me.
 Five boys, six girls,
 two drivers.
 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
 I don't know no Snakes
 Snakes. Lefs get aut of here
 Hold it. Hold it
 Let's wait and see who it is.
 We work this neighborhood too.
 Suppose the cops finger us
 for a job
 ...and they ask us about
 ..and a partridge in a pear troe
 Hold the plane!
 Did we miss it?
 You just made i
 Single seats only in coach
 Take whatever's free
 I get a window seat!
 Kids are in coach, we're first class
 Seats Four A and B.
 a murder in the area.
 Four A and D, ril take your coats.
 Fasten your seat belts.
 -Champagne, please,
 -If's free, isn't it?
 Oh, yes
 We made it.
 Wouldn't it be nice to have
 a face to go with it?
 That's a good idea
 Of course it's a good idea.
 Snakes?
 He sounded like a snake
 Do you believe i?
 Hope we didn't forget anything
 Everything's ful.
 Everything's ful?
 Im very sorry, but
 Mom?
 That's real. It's real crystal.
 Yeah, so?
 Put them in your purse.
 -Frank, I can't do that
 Just. Put them in your pursel
 Yeah. Fil it up.
 Fill it up.
 Fill it up, please.
 Thank you.
 Don't you feel like a heel, flying
 first class with the kids in coach?
 No. The kids are fine.
 it is Christmas Eve.
 What about another airine?
 Nothing available.
 May I help you get a hotel room?
 Tomorrow we can get you a fight.
 I can't wait that long.
 Im sorry, ma'am, but we're
 doing absolutely everything we can.
 Im in your way. I'm sorry.
 You've places to go
 Gat a ticket there, good. Excuse me
 Look, I have been awake
 for almost 60 hours.
 f'm tired and I'm dirty.
 I have been from Chicago to Paris,
 The anly time I ever t
 in the station wagan, not to France.
 We had to go to Aunt Laura
 and Uncle Arthur's
 to Dallas, to. Where am 1?
 Kids are okay. They're having
 Scranton.
 the time of their lives.
 I'm trying to get hame
 to my 8-yearold san.
 Now you're teling me it's hopeless?
 -I'm sorry
 No. No way.
 Hello?
 Mom?
 Dad?
 Where are you guys?
 Buzz?
 Megan?
 This is Christmas!
 The season of perpetual hope.
 IfI have to get on
 your ruway and hitchhike.
 Hello?
 Rod?
 Unole Frank?
 Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
 Megan? Linnie?
 Is this a joke?
 It's anly my imagination.
 Only my imagination.
 -.if it costs me everything I own.
 if I have to sell my soul
 to the Devil himself.
 .I am going to get home to my son.
 Ma'am, there was anything.
 Do it. Do anything.
 -I can get you a hatel room.
 What?
 Can you excuse us for a sec?
 Can I see you for a socond, please?
 The cars are still here.
 They didn't go to the airport!
 I made my family disappear.
 You're completely helpless
 You know, Kevin.
 Excuse us.
 you're what the French cal
 You got a little bit of a dilemma.
 We got a crisis ourselves.
 Allow me to introduce myself.
 les incompetents.
 Kevin, I'm going to feed you
 to my tarantula.
 Kevin, you are such
 There are 15 people, and you're
 Gus Polinski.
 a disease
 Polka King of the Midwest?
 The Kenosha Kickers?
 the only or
 trouble.
 -Hi there.
 - Hiya.
 That's okay. I thought you might
 have recognized.
 I had a few hits a few years ago
 That's why I just..
 "Polka. Polka, Polka"?
 Polka, polka, polka
 "Twin Lakes Polka"?
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 I made my family disappear.
 I'm free!
 Wow!
 No clothes on anybody.
 Sickening!
 Col Firecrackers!
 l save these for later.
 Buzz, I'm going through
 all your private stuff.
 You better come out and pound me!
 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof
 Who is it?
 t's mo. Snakes
 "Yamahoozie Palka." a.k.a.
 "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist?
 These are songs?
 Yeah. Yeah, we.
 Some fairly big hits for us.
 You know, in the earty "80s
 e sold about 623
 copies of that.
 -In Chicago?
 - No, Shebaygan.
 Very big in Shebaygan.
 Did you say you could help?
 Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
 Our flight was canceled.
 ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy
 in the yellow jacket over there?
 He's gonna rent us a nice big van
 to drive to Milwaukee.
 Now, I heard you had some problems
 getting to Chicago?
 To see your kid or something?
 Uh, my son. He.
 We ieft, and he's there.
 If you have to get to Chicago,
 we'll gladly drive you.
 It's on the way to Milwaukee.
 - You'd give me a ride?
 - Sure, why not?
 You've got to get home.
 -A ride to Chicaga?
 - Sure, its Christmastime.
 Thank you. Oh, thank you.
 You don't mind going with polka bums?
 No, I'd love to.
 I got the stuff.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 and get the hell out of here.
 Al right, Johnny.
 but what about my monay?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more
 Guys, I'm eating junk
 and watching rubbish!
 You better come out and stop mel
 He'll call you when he gets out.
 Il tell you what I'm gonna
 give you.
 I
 m gonna give you to
 the count of ten.
 et your ugly. yellow.
 ... no-good keister off my property.
 before I pump your guts
 full of lead.
 All right, I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change,
 you fithy animal.
 Mom!
 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
 What's the matter?
 Honey?
 I have a terrible feeling.
 About what?
 That we didn't do something.
 You feel that way because
 we left in a hurry.
 Look at this.
 I think we're getting scammed
 by a kindergartner
 Dad, can you come here
 and help me?
 Remember that kid
 we saw the other day?
 He lives here
 of everything-
 I tum off the coffee?
 We took care o
 Did I
 If the kid's here,
 the parent's gat to be.
 I did.
 Did you lock up?
 He's home alone.
 What? You want to come
 Yeah.
 back tonight?
 Even with the kid here?
 I don't think that's a good idea.
 That house is the reason
 we worked this block.
 Did you alose the garage?
 That's it.
 I forgat to close the garage.
 Thee
 That's it.
 No, that's not it.
 Ever since I saw that house,
 I wanted it.
 Let's take it one step at a time.
 We'l unload the van, get a bite
 What else could we be forgetting?
 螝伪谓in!
 The captain's doing all he can.
 Your phones are out of order.
 Wel call when we land.
 Im sure it's okay.
 to eat, we'l come back about 9:00.
 Nine o'clock.
 This way it's dark then
 袧orible. Horrible.
 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
 You're afraid of the dark too.
 You know you are.
 Just horrible.
 How could we do this?
 We forgot him.
 We didn't forget him,
 we just miscounted.
 No, I'm not.
 - Yes, you are
 Not, not not.
 You are so.
 Mom, where are you?
 Do you play?
 Do you want to try? Go ahead,
 try it. Try it!
 What kind of mother am ?
 If it makes you feel any better,
 I forgat my reading glasses.
 Five families gone
 an one block alone.
 - Excuse me.
 - Yeah?
 Hey, nice shoes.
 Oh, thanks.
 Is he still here? It's really
 important that I see him.
 He's getting in his car.
 If you hurry, you can catch him.
 How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
 a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
 What's next, rabies shots
 They all told me from their
 own mouths.
 H's almost too easy.
 Check it out:
 All the houses with nobody home..
 ...have automatic timers
 an their lights.
 But I got it all figured out.
 Watch this.
 Number 064 will be going on
 right about.
 for the Easter Bunny?
 Wait, wait, wait.
 Santa, hold on
 - Can I talk to you for a minute?
 -Quickly.
 Number 682.
 .right now.
 Wait a minute.
 Santa's running late.
 I know you're not
 the real Santa Claus.
 Huh, what makes you say that?
 Just out of curiasity.
 - I'm old enaugh to know how it works.
 All right.
 But I also know you work for him.
 - I'd ike you to give him a message.
 - Shoot.
 Kevin McCallister, 681
 Do you need the phone number?
 No, that's all right.
 This is extremely important.
 Please tell him instead of presents,
 I just want my family back.
 No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate,
 Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
 And my aunt and my cousins.
 And if he has time,
 my Uncle Frank. Okay?
 Okay.
 - Pl see what I can do.
 Thanks.
 Wait. My elf took the last of the
 candy canes home to her boyfriend.
 - That's okay.
 - No, don't be silly.
 Everybody who sees Santa
 t to get something.
 Here, hold out your little paw there.
 There you go.
 - Don't spoil your dinner.
 -I won't.
 ...now
 And that's the one, Marvin.
 That's the silver tuna.
 t's very G.
 Very G, huh? Ifs loaded
 It's got lats of top-fight goods.
 - Stereos, VCRS.
 - Toys?
 Probably looking at some
 very fine jawelry.
 Possible cash harde.
 81 Lincoln Blvd.
 Odd marketable securities.
 Who knows? It's a gem.
 Grab your crowbar.
 Crowbars up.
 You're a rotter,
 Mr. Grinch
 You're the king
 Of sinful sots
 Your heart's a dead tomato
 Blotched with moldy purple spots,
 Mr. Grinch
 Which way?
 We'll go around back,
 down the basement.
 -You said they were gone.
 - Thay were gonna leave today.
 Let's get out of here.
 We have to use the phone, please.
 It's an emergency.
 We really have to make a call.
 has
 Please! Our brother's home alone.
 Give us the phone!
 I'm sorry. Thank you.
 'm calling the police.
 Book us a flight home.
 Get change out of here.
 Call everybody you know.
 Here's my address book. You and Frank
 call everyone an our street.
 Maybe somebady can heip us
 Hello? Hello?
 Oh, she'll have to call you back.
 This is ridiculaus.
 Only a wimp would be
 hiding under a bed.
 And I can't be a wimp.
 I'm the man of the house.
 Hey, Im not afraid anymore!
 I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
 Do you hear me?
 I'm not afraid anymore.
 Village police department.
 Im calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 rd ike somebody to go there. Tell
 him that we're coming home to get him.
 Okay, lat me connect you
 with Family Crisis Intervention.
 Thanks
 Son of a.
 Merry Christmas.
 May I sit down?
 That's my granddaughter.
 The little red-haired girl.
 She's about your age.
 You know her?
 No.
 You live next to me, don't you?
 You can say helo when you see me.
 You don't have to be afraid.
 There's a lot of things going around
 about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
 You've been good this year?
 I think so.
 You swear to it?
 No.
 Yeah. Woll, this is the place to be
 if you're feeling bad about yourself.
 -It is?
 - I think so.
 Are you feeling bad about yoursel?
 -No.
 Fve been kind of a pain lately.
 I said some things I shouldn't have.
 I really haven't been
 Hold on.
 Larry, can you pick up?
 There's some hyper lady on hold.
 - What line, Rose?
 - Two.
 Family Crisis Intervention,
 Sergeant Balzac.
 too good this year.
 Yeah.
 I'm kind of upset
 because I really like my family.
 Even though sametimes I
 say I don't
 Sometimes I even think I don't.
 Do you get that?
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 I think so.
 Has the child been involved in
 How you feel about family
Me_irl

Me_irl

ifs: is a complicated thing. Especially with an older brother. Deep down, you'l always love him But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. That's not just because you're young. You want to know the r reason why I'm here? Sure. Where's my suitcase? Miss. Young lady! Exouse me. Girls! Hey, little fella. Hey! Exouse me, girls. Girls! Hey, big fella! Help me make the beds in the living room. violence with a drunk family member? No! Has he been involved in a houpehold accident? I don't know. I hope not Has the child ingested any poison ar is an object lodgad in his throat? e real No, he's home alone! I'd like somebody to go over to the house. ..and see if he's all right. You want us to go to vour house. just to check on him. Come on down here! Hey, san! Big fella. Hey, little guy! Litle guy! Pete's brother and his family are here. Trish is going to Mantreal. Montreal? Oh, her family's there. - Then we're off. I came to hear my granddaughter sing. I can't come hear her tonight. You have plans? No. Yes! Let me connect you to the police I'm not welcome. They just transferred me. At church? -Rose! You're always woloome at church. I'm not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family - Yeah. - When? - 袧褍褉e谐. -Hang on -Hold on, please. moved on the block... ..I had an argument w Tomorrow. You're not ready, are you? Uncle Frank won't let me - No, please don't hang up. Please! Any luck? -I couldn't get anybody. How old is he? watch the movie He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said .but the big kids can. Why can't 1? I'm on the phone. - Leslie? didn't care to pee him anymore He said the same, and we havent Nothing but a bunch of answering machines. Somebady pick up. Pick up! Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and L. We'l send a policeman aver to your house to check on your son. There's nobody home. When do you come back? spoken to each other since. Not till then? f vou miss him. why don't H's not even rated R. t you call him? He's just being a jerk. Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no. Im afraid if I cll he won't talk to me, ..then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel. Hey, get of! Kevin, out of the room. How do you know? I don't know. I'm just afraid. The house looks secure. No offense, but aren't you Tell them to count their kids again. You can't bump somebody or ask or.? There's no way I can do that. a little old to be afraid? You can be old for a lot of things. Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? This kid. Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? No, I didn't have time. - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. Dad, nobodyll let me do anything. Ive got something, pick up those MicroMachines that are all over. You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. I was afraid of our basement t's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. That sort of thing.- It's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down to do some laundry. .and I found out it's not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. What's your point? My point is, you should call your son. Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? If you said it's an emergency. I cannot ask them. She's sending a policeman over to the house. Well, that's a relief. Everything here is booked. Nothing to Chicago? Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. He was playing There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. ih the glue gun again. We talked about that. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made omaments out of fish hooks. - My new fish hooks? -I can't make them out of old ones.. -What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. Friday morn. That's two days away. The kids are exhausted and so are you. There's nothing we can do here. I say we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. - What if he won't talk to me? -At least you'l know. Then you could stop worrying about it ..with dry worm guts stuck on them. - Peter. You won't have to be afraid No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. I don't know Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. I'm sure she misses you. And the presents I send her a check. I wish my grandparents did that They always send me clothes. -Come on, Kavin. Out Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? Here's a voltage adapter! God, you're getting haavy! Go pack your suitcase. Pack my suitcase? Where's the shampoo? -I don't live here This many people here and no shampoo. Are your folks home? - They don't ive here. - Tracy, did you crder the pizza? I'm not leaving here unless airplane. it's on a Madame, we are daing everything we can. to stay at the airport. If you want maybe we can get you an standby It is a possibility that a seat will open up. -Is that okay? Last year I got a sv a sweater nl miss you, honey. Don't you get lost. Goodbye. I took a shower, washing every body pa Including all my major crevices. between my toes and in my belly button. with a bird knited on it. - Buzz did. Oh, thaf's nice. Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing samething like that I have a friend who got nailed. .because there was a rumor Excuse me. Are your parents here? My parents live in Paris. -Hi! with actual soap. part Hil - Are your parents home? Yeah. - Do they live here? -No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. I don't know how to pack a suitcasa. he wore dinosaur pajamas. You better run home where you belong. .which I never did before but enjayed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. I can't find my toothbrush, so l'll pick one up today. Other than that, Im in good shape. All right! Buzz's life savings. I thought the Murphys went to Florida. You're one of the great cat burglars of the world. You think you can keep it Think about what I said. - All right? - Okay. t's nice talking to you. Nice talking to you. -What about you? - Me? Ive never done it once. - Tough. - That's what Megan said. What did I say? You told him "Tough." The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, you're an idiot"? - I'm not an idiot Yeah. You and your son. We'l see what happens. Merry Christmas Merry Christmas. This is my house. down a little in there? I have to defend it. You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. This is Peter McCalister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. Let me give you the number here. The country code is 33. The area code is 1-4 and the number We'l check it out Really? You're helpless! We have to do everything for you. - She's right, Kev. Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. I don't know how to pack -I hope you didn't just pack arap. - Shut up, Linnie. We can come back for the truck. How do you want to go in? We'l go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. Bless this nutritious, microwaveable is 694-876. - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? macaroni and cheese dinner. -..and the people who sold it an sale. t get scared now. Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. H's Santy Claus and his elf. We're not gonna hurt you. You know what I should pack? Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water. What are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna This is it. Dont That house we ran last night, was that the MoCalister's? -Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. -I knew they were. -Siver tuna tonight pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call les incompetents. Wow How may I help you? Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? Well, I don't know. t doesnt say, hon. What? No, no. Gat some nice presents for you. Be a good little fella now and open the dor. Bombs PS. Vouaway! S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. What? What? What? Can you please find out? This house is so full of people -Herb. What? What happened? -Get that little. it makes me sick! Yeah? I got a question here about a toothbrush. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! Im living alone! Who's gonna fed your spider? He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes Hello. Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? I don't know. Oh, hon, you pay for that here. Wait, you have to pay for that. Yes! Yes! The little ierk is armed! That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! Oh, boy. That's it, you little. Son! Son! You little.. Jimmy, stop that boy! Hey! Shoplifter! Hey! Hey, kid! Come back here! No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you? don't shave their pits? Some don't. But they gat nude beaches. Yes! is head off. Not in the winter. You're dead, kid. Stop it, will you? Where are you, Hary, I'm coming in! Oh, no! I'm really scared. H's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. Okay, come and get me! Why, you. Now you're dead! f'm gonna kill that kid! Why'd you take your shoes off? Why are you dressed like a chicken? Im up here, you morons. Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? Can I sloep here? I don't want to sleep with Fuller. If he drinks, hel wet the bed. I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. you little creep?! Come here. Im a criminal. What's so funny? What's so funny? Why are you laughing? You did it again. You left the water running. Why do you do that? I told you not to do it - I's our calling card. - Calling card. All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits. You're sick, you know? You're really sick. I'm not sick. Check it out. Old man Marley Who's he? You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That's him. In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block. with a snow shovel. Come and get me. You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? Heads up! Don't worry. n hiding out in this neighborhood ever since. If he's the shavel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? Not enough evidence to convict. Thay never found the bodies. Everyone around here knows he did it. Hli just be a matter of time. ..before he does it again. What's he doing? He walks up and down the stroets every night. --salting the sidewaks. Maybe he's just trying to be nice. Ben Marv. ril get him for you. - Yes, you are. It's a sick thing to do. Yes! He's only a kid, Harry. - We don't need that. - Don't tell me. I can do it if i want to It's not sick. Hey, watch out! Hey! Hey! You've gotta watch for traffic. - Sorry. We can take him. Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? You're missing some teeth Where? H's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'I kill him. - Damn. rIl kill him! Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. Okay, okay. Merry Christmas. What's the matter? I don't like the way that kid looked at me. You bomb me with can, kid .and l snap off your cojones one more a No way. See that garbage can ful of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. and boil them in motor oil! 911 emergency. Hello, my house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. You never know what's up there. There he is! I got you! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me. Get up! The salt tums the bodies into mummies. Ever seen him before? -I saw a hundred kids this weck Let's see what house he goes into. Mummies! Look out! How you kids doing? Why's he going faster? I told you something's wrong. He looked at me weird. Why would he run? Maybe he went in the church. I'm not going in there. - Me neither Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where you going? I got him. What are you doing? Harry, don't move. Don't move. Marv, what are you doing? Did I get him? Did I get him?! You hear me, or what? Going on a trip? Where you going, kid? Okay, that's $122.50. Not from me, kid. I don't live here. You just around for the holidays? You could say that. ** get aut of here. When those guys come back, ni be ready. Did they come back? From Paris? We'll come back tomorrow. Pizza's here! Where is it? Where is it? Maybe theyll be gone. We better go before somebody soes us - There you go. That's $122.60. t's my brother's house. He'l get it. Hey, listen. -Are you Mr. McCallister? Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! Get that kid, before L. Get that kid Where'd he go? Maybe he committed suicide. Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. - Lat's get him! -Wait, wait. t's just what he wants us to do Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. He's gonna call the cops! From a tree house?! Look what I found in the kitchen Frank, those are for later. Do you want a little shrimp. huh? Do you speak English? Well, in there. - Yeah. Did you get anybody? -I am looking for my son! No, I can't find anybody. They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. Never mind, forget it. - This is so pointless. The Mr. MoCalister who lives here? Good, because somebody owes me $122.50 rd ike a word with you. Am I under arrest or something? There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. We have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors That's about as well -What? Come on, We're here rotting in this apartment. Kavin's at home. Mom's at the airport. Out the window? I'm not going out the window. Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get aut here. as anybody can do. Did you get some eggnog? Come on So? -You're not worried about Kevin? Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. He's so little and halpless. Don't you think he's freaked? The trout can use a couple of days Come on. Let's eat Come on! Come on -Come on. Keep -Eggnog? - Pizza! - Aro you gonna be leaving.? Let's go back, Harry. Hey, guys! Check this out in the real world. - Pizza! You're not worried something might happen? No. For three reasons: A I'm not that lucky Grab a napkin Go back. Go back. and pour your own drinks - Does Santa go through oustoms? What time do we have to go to bed? Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip. For pizza? There he is! Hey, Im calling the cops! Wait, wait! Two: We have smoke detectors. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea. Come on. .and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States.. ..where nothing aven remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period. Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. Get aver herel What are you gorna do, Harry? ril do exactly what he did to us. Burn his head with a blowtorch Who is it? It's Little Nero's. I have your pizza. Leave it an the doorstep Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. - You've got money. Traveler's checks and get out of here l smash his face with an iron. rd ike to slap him Forget it, Frank. We have cash You probably got the checks Okay. What about the money? What money? Well, you have to pay in the face with a paint can! that dan't work in France. Shove a nail through his foot! I'm gonna bite off every one o Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Yeah. But if you want any. somebody's gonna have to barf it up because it's gone. Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. Kevt Kev, get a plate. - Passports! these little fingers, one at a time. Come on. Let's get you home. Wow! This is great. Nice move, sir. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? That'll be $11.80. leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit We've been looking for you guys for a long time. Yeah. Well, remember, we're the "Wet Bandits." - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T. - Shut up! Get in the car! Hev, come on. Come on. Hand off the head, pall Keep the change, you filthy animal. - Cheapskate. - Hey. I'm gonna give you Watch it! No, no. Get these passports out of here. to the count of ten. . to get your ugly. yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. befare I pump you full of lead. Are you okay, honey? Come hera. Ara you all right? What is the matter with you? He ate my pizza on purpose. One, two... ten. He knows I hate sausage and olives Alovely cheese pizza, just for me To Dallas/Forth Worth. Come on Look what you did, you little jerk! Get upstairs now. Why? I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent. American Airlines. So we have the $600, No, you're not You're such a disease. the pocket translator. You're beating yourself up there. -Shut up! - Kevin, upstairs! Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night, Kevin." Why do I get treated ike sum? Im sorry. This house is just orazy 鈥瀟he two first-class seats thaf's an upgrade. Is that a real Rolex? These things happen, you know. You want to talk about bad parents? -Do you think it is? Look at us - No But who can tell? We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year. We hardly see our families. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother's in from Ohio. I also have a ring. Oh, that is beautiful They're boarding. She's offered us two first-class Joe, over there. Gosh, you know. he forgets his kids' names half the time. How come you didnit bring tickets if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, $500 and... The earrings. She's got her own earrings he's never oven met his kid. more cheese pizzas? Nice tip. Thanks. Having a reunion? Eddy. Let's just hope none of them write a book about him. Tell me, have you gone on vacation d left your child home? No. My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. He missed the family. po he invited us to Paris. A whole shoebox full of them. -小ome on, con褌械 o锌. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. No, but. .so we'll be together. You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. Im desperate. Yeah, it was terble too. I'm begging you. From a mother to a mother. Please! -Oh, Ed. I was all distraught and everything The wife and I, we left the little Excellent. Excellent. tyke there in the funeral pario. All day. You know, we went f you'll excuse me, this one's -Please! Oh, all right "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister last year. This vear Fd rather have a little out of sorts. back at night, when we.. Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. And don't worry about your home. Il's in good hands. There are 15 people, and only you ..came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there all day with a corpse. some Clay-Doh. I didn't mean it. If you come back, Pll never be a pain in the butt again. I promise. Good night. I'm dreaming Of a white Now, he was okay You know, afer six, seven weeks. He came around and started talking again. They get over it. have to make trouble. I'm getting dumped on You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy! Kids are resilient ike that The third floor? Christmas We shouldn't talk about this. I was just trying to cheer you up. I'm sorry I did. Mom? -Go. Just like the ones Iused to know -If's scary up there Fulerli be up in I don't want to sleep with Fuller. Where those treetops glisten And children listen Mom? To hear sleigh bells In the snow He wets the bed. Kevin! He'll pee all over me. I know it, We'l put him somewhere else. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. The snow Im sorry. t's too late. Get upstairs Everyone in this family hates me! Then ask Santa for a new family. I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! Stay up there. I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. Are those microwave dinnors good? I don't know. Where's everybaody else? Oh, baby, they couldn't oome. They wanted to so much. I didn't fal asleep in the back and drool all over you, did 1? Pl give them a whirl. Hold on, I got a coupon for that It was in the paper this moming. $19.83. - You do drool! -Shut up! Kevin, my boy. How are you? You're all right. I love you. You okay? t's cool that you didn't Okay. Are you here all Ma'am, I'm 8 years old. yourself? I don't want to see anybody else either. I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up and didn't have a family. No, I wouldn't. Then say it again. Maybe itll happen. I hope I never see any of you jerks again! I wish they would all just disappear. Where are thay'? -I don't know. She said 8 sharp. You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. Where's your mom? In the car Where's your dad? -He's at work What about brothers and sisters? burn the place down. Thanks, Buzz. Wait a minute. How'd you guys get hame? On the moming flight you didn't Oh, no. Oh! Thank you - Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Someone has to find an open store. I went shopping yesterday. You, shapping? I got some milk, eggs I'm an only child. Where do you live? -I can't tell you. Why not? -Cause you're a Hello, Kevin! Peter! Shut up! I don't get it. It looks like there's nabody's home. Last night the place is jumping. Something ain't right. We slept in! Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. Live across the street. You guys going out of town? We're going to Flarida Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma and fabric softener. What? - No kidding? What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? Just hung around. Bring your stuff upstairs. He went shopping? He doesn't know haw to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? Honey, what's this? Kevinl What did you do to my room? Go check it aut. Now? No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. You know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold? - Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! "Now." Shit! Get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny. But what about my money? What money? Do a head count. Get everyone in the vans. Where are the passports? I put them in the microwave to dry. How fast does this go? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more. What do you mean? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have 4-wheel drive? Look, I told you before, kid Don't bother me. Now, beat it! Line up in front of the van. Line up and shut up! He's upstairs, taking a bath. He'll call you when he gets out Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, - Snakes? Wow! Shut up! One, two, three. Eleven, 92, 12. - Pl give you to the count of ten.. ... to get your ugly. yellow, no-good. .keister off my property.. before I pump you full of lead. All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. Im going Buzz, don't be a moron. Six, seven, eight. .rine, 10, 11 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go Have a good trip. Bring me back something Franch. There's no way we'll make this plane. One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. What happened? I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. Somebady beat us, they're in there It leaves in 45 minutes. Think positive! You be positive. Il be reaistic. Excuse me, your power is fixed. .but the phones are a mess. HIl take a couple of days to fix.. .especially around the holidays. Two of them. There was arguing One blew the other one away. -Thanks. - Who? I don't know. I recognized one of their voices. I heard that name "Snakes" before. Did you count heads? Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, fwo drivers. Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes Snakes. Lefs get aut of here. .and a partridge in a pear tree Hold the plane! -Did we miss it? You just made i Single seats only in conch Take whatever's fre Hold it. Hold it. Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too Suppose the cops finger us for a job. .and they ask us about I get a window seat! Kids are in coach, we're first class. -Seats Four A and B. Four A and D, ril take your coats. a murder in the area. Wouldn't it be nice to have Fasten your seat belts. -Champagne, please, -If's free, isn'Y it? Oh, yes We made it. Do you believe it? Hope we didn't forget anything a face to go with it? That's a good idoa Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? He sounded ike a snake Everything's ful. Everything's ful? Im very sorry, but Mom? That's real. It's real crystal. Yeah, so? Put them in your purse. Frank, I can't do that Just. Put them in your pursel Yeah. Fil it up. Fill it up. Fill it up, please. Thank you. Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in ooach? No. The kids are fine. it is Christmas Eve. What about another airline? Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? Tomorrow we can get you a fight I can't wait that long. Im sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. Im in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to ga. Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. The only time I ever f in the station wagon, not to France. We had to go to Aunt Laura I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris, to Dallas, to. Where am 1? and Uncle Arthur's Kids are okay. They're having Scranton. I'm trying to get hame to my 8-yearald san the time of their lives. Hello? Mom? Now you're telling me it's hopeless? Dad? m sorry. Where are you guys? Buzz? Megan? Hello? No. No way. This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope. IHI have to get on your rumway and hitchhike. Rod? Unole Frank? Unale Frank, is this a joke? Megan? Linnie? Is this a joka? H's anly my imagination. Only my imagination. .if it costs me averything I own.. if I have to sel my soul to the Devil himself. .I am going to get home to my son. Ma'am, there was anything. Do it. Do anything. -I can get you a hotel room. What? Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a second, please? The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! I made my family disappear. You're completely helples You know, Kevin. you're what the French caI les incompetents. Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula Kevin, you are such a disease. There are 15 people, and you're the only or Excuse us. You got a little bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? trouble. -Hi there. - Hiya That's okay. I thought you might have recognized. I had a few hits a few years ago That's why I just. "Polka, Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka "Twin Lakes Polika"? "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a. Look what you did, you little jerk! I made my family disappear Im free! Wow! No clathes on anybody. Sickening! Coll Firecrackers! fll save these for later. Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. You better come out and pound me! Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof! Wha is it? ts me. Snakes I got the Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny, but what about my monay? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist? These are songs? Yeah. Yeah, we. Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the earty "80s e sold about 623 copies of that. -In Chicago? - No, Shebaygan. Very big in Shebaygan. Did you say you could help? Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled. ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket over there? He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? To see your kid or something? Uh, my son. He. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbisht You batter come out and stop me! He'l call you when he gets out. il tell you what I'm gonna give you. I We left, and he's there. m gonna give you to If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee. - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? You've got to get home. -A ride to Chicaga? - Sure, its Christmastime. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You don't mind going with polka bums? No, 'd love to. the count of ten. et your ugly, yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pump your guts full of lead. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going. One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv Mom! What's the matter? Honey? I have a terrible feeling. About what? Look at this. I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner Dad, can you come here and help me? That we didn't do something. You feel that way because we left in a hurry. We took care ol Remember that kid we saw the other day? He lives here. af everything. Al bum off the coffee? Did If the kid's here, the parent's got to be. I did. Did you lock up? He's home alone. What? You want to come Yeah. back tonight? Even with the kid here? I don't think thaf's a good idea. Did you alose the garage? That's it. I forgat to dose the garage. That house is the reason we worked this block Ever since I saw that house, That's it. No, that's not it. I wanted it. Let's take it one step at a time. We'l unload the van, get a bite to eat, we'l coma back about 9:00. Nine o'clock. This way it's dark then. Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. No, I'm not. What else could wo be forgetting? Kevin! The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. Wel call when we land. Im sure it's okay. 袧orible. Horrible. Just horrible. How could we do this? We forgot him. We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. -Yes, you are Not, not not. You are so. Mom, where are you? Do you play? Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! What kind of mother am 1? If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. ve families gone an one block alone. They all told me from their own mouths. - Excuse me. - Yeah? Hey, nice shoes. H's almost too easy. Oh, thanks. Is he still here? It's really Check it out: Al the houses with nobody home.. ...have automatic timers an their lights. important that I sea him. He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. How low! Giving Kriss Kningie a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots But I got it all figured out. Watch this. Number 064 will be going on right about. for the Easter Bunny? Wait, wait, wait. Santa, hold on -Can I talk to you for a minute? Number 682.. .right now. Wait a minute. -Quickly Santa's running late. I know you're not ...now the real Santa And that's the one, Marvin. Claus. Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiosity. - I'm old enough to know how it works. Al right. But I also know you work for him. That's the silver tuna. It's very G. Very G, huh? Ifs loaded It's got lats of tap-fight goods. - Stereos, VCRS. - Toys? Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash harde. - l'd ike you to give him a mossage. - Shoot. Kevin McCallister, 681 Do you need the phone number? No, that's all right. This is extremely important. Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. No toys. Nathing but Pater, Kate, Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? Okay. - Pl see what I can do. 81 Lincoln Blvd. Odd marketable securities. Who knows? It's a gem. Grab your crowbar. Crowbars up. You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king Of sinful sots Your heart's a dead tomato Blotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Grinch Thanks. Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa has got to get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. - Don't spoil your dinner. -I won't. Which way? We'l go around back, down the basement. -You said they were gone. - Thay were gonna leave today. Let's get out of hera. We have to use the phone, please. H's an emergency. We really have to make a call. Please! Our brother's home alone. Give us the phone! I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm calling the police. Book us a fight home. Thanks Son of a.! Merry Christmas. May I sit down? That's my granddaughter. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. Get change out of here. "啶距 Call everybody you know. Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone on our street. Maybe somebody can help us Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. This is ridiculaus. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. Hey, Im not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore. Village police department. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. rd ike somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming home to get him. Okay, lat me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. You know her? No. You live next to me, don't you? You can say helo when you see me. You dan't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? -You've been good this year? I think so. You swear to it? No. Yeah. Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. -It is? -I think so. Are you feeling bad about yourself? -No. Ive been kind of a pain lately. I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been Hold on. Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. - What line, Rose? - Twa. Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. too good this year. Yeah. Im kind of upset because I really ike my family. Even though sametimes I say I don't. Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? I think so. How you feel about family Has the child been involved in There will be no Christmas without Home alone
ifs: is a complicated thing.
 Especially with an older brother.
 Deep down, you'l always love him
 But you can forget that you love him.
 You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
 That's not just because you're young.
 You want to know the r
 reason why I'm here?
 Sure.
 Where's my suitcase?
 Miss. Young lady!
 Exouse me. Girls!
 Hey, little fella. Hey!
 Exouse me, girls. Girls!
 Hey, big fella!
 Help me make the beds
 in the living room.
 violence with a drunk family member?
 No!
 Has he been involved
 in a houpehold accident?
 I don't know. I hope not
 Has the child ingested any poison
 ar is an object lodgad in his throat?
 e real
 No, he's home alone! I'd like
 somebody to go over to the house.
 ..and see if he's all right.
 You want us to go to vour house.
 just to check on him.
 Come on down here!
 Hey, san!
 Big fella.
 Hey, little guy! Litle guy!
 Pete's brother
 and his family are here.
 Trish is going to Mantreal.
 Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
 - Then we're off.
 I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
 I can't come hear her tonight.
 You have plans?
 No.
 Yes!
 Let me connect you to the police
 I'm not welcome.
 They just transferred me.
 At church?
 -Rose!
 You're always woloome at church.
 I'm not welcome with my son.
 Years back, before you and your family
 - Yeah.
 - When?
 - 袧褍褉e谐.
 -Hang on
 -Hold on, please.
 moved on the block...
 ..I had an argument w
 Tomorrow.
 You're not ready, are you?
 Uncle Frank won't let me
 - No, please don't hang up. Please!
 Any luck?
 -I couldn't get anybody.
 How old is he?
 watch the movie
 He's grown up.
 We lost our tempers, and I said
 .but the big kids can.
 Why can't 1?
 I'm on the phone.
 - Leslie?
 didn't care to pee him anymore
 He said the same, and we havent
 Nothing but a bunch
 of answering machines.
 Somebady pick up. Pick up!
 Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again.
 Look, I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone, and L.
 We'l send a policeman aver
 to your house to check on your son.
 There's nobody home.
 When
 do you come back?
 spoken to each other since.
 Not till then?
 f vou miss him.
 why don't
 H's not even rated R.
 t you call him?
 He's just being a jerk.
 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no.
 Im afraid if I cll
 he won't talk to me,
 ..then it must be really bad.
 No, we put the dog in the kennel.
 Hey, get of!
 Kevin, out of the room.
 How do you know?
 I don't know.
 I'm just afraid.
 The house looks secure.
 No offense, but aren't you
 Tell them to count their kids again.
 You can't bump somebody or ask or.?
 There's no way I can do that.
 a little old to be afraid?
 You can be old for a lot of things.
 Hang up the phone and make me,
 why don't you?
 This kid.
 Did you pick up
 a voltage adaptor thing?
 No, I didn't have time.
 - Then how do I shave in France?
 - Grow a goatee.
 Dad, nobodyll let me do anything.
 Ive got something, pick up those
 MicroMachines that are all over.
 You're never too old to be afraid.
 - That's true.
 I was afraid of our basement
 t's dark. There's weird stuff
 down there, and it smells funny.
 That sort of thing.-
 It's bothered me for years.
 Basements are like that.
 I made myself go down
 to do some laundry.
 .and I found out it's not so bad.
 I worried about it, but if you
 turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
 What's your point?
 My point is,
 you should call your son.
 Isn't there a way
 if you ask somebody?
 If you said it's an emergency.
 I cannot ask them.
 She's sending a policeman
 over to the house.
 Well, that's a relief.
 Everything here is booked.
 Nothing to Chicago?
 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
 He was playing
 There's nothing to Chicago,
 New York, Nashville.
 ih the glue gun again.
 We talked about that.
 Did I burn down the joint?
 I don't think so.
 I made omaments out of fish hooks.
 - My new fish hooks?
 -I can't make them out of old ones..
 -What about a private plane?
 - Sorry. We don't do that.
 The only thing is a booking
 for us on Friday morning.
 Friday morn. That's two days away.
 The kids are exhausted and so are you.
 There's nothing we can do here.
 I say we go over to Rob's, and that
 way we can call the police again.
 - What if he won't talk to me?
 -At least you'l know.
 Then you could stop worrying about it
 ..with dry worm guts stuck on them.
 - Peter.
 You won't have to be afraid
 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
 Dad. Especially around the holidays.
 I don't know
 Just give it a shot.
 For your granddaughter anyway.
 I'm sure she misses you.
 And the presents
 I send her a check.
 I wish my grandparents did that
 They always send me clothes.
 -Come on, Kavin. Out
 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
 Here's a voltage adapter!
 God, you're getting haavy!
 Go pack your suitcase.
 Pack my suitcase?
 Where's the shampoo?
 -I don't live here
 This many people here and no shampoo.
 Are your folks home?
 - They don't ive here.
 - Tracy, did you crder the pizza?
 I'm not leaving here unless
 airplane.
 it's on a
 Madame, we are daing
 everything we can.
 to stay at the airport.
 If you want
 maybe we can get you an standby
 It is a possibility
 that a seat will open up.
 -Is that okay?
 Last year I got a sv
 a sweater
 nl miss you, honey.
 Don't you get lost.
 Goodbye.
 I took a shower, washing every
 body pa
 Including all my major crevices.
 between my toes
 and in my belly button.
 with a bird knited on it.
 - Buzz did.
 Oh, thaf's nice.
 Not for a guy in the second grade.
 You can get beat up for wearing
 samething like that
 I have a friend who got nailed.
 .because there was a rumor
 Excuse me. Are your parents here?
 My parents live in Paris.
 -Hi!
 with actual soap.
 part
 Hil
 - Are your parents home?
 Yeah.
 - Do they live here?
 -No.
 Why should they?
 All kids, no parents.
 Probably a fancy orphanage.
 I don't know how to pack a suitcasa.
 he wore dinosaur pajamas.
 You better run home where you belong.
 .which I never did before
 but enjayed.
 I washed my hair with adult formula
 shampoo and used creme rinse.
 I can't find my toothbrush,
 so l'll pick one up today.
 Other than that, Im in good shape.
 All right! Buzz's life savings.
 I thought the Murphys
 went to Florida.
 You're one of the great
 cat burglars of the world.
 You think you can keep it
 Think about what I said.
 - All right?
 - Okay.
 t's nice talking to you.
 Nice talking to you.
 -What about you?
 - Me?
 Ive never done it once.
 - Tough.
 - That's what Megan said.
 What did I say?
 You told him "Tough."
 The dope was whining about a suitcase.
 What was I supposed to say?
 "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
 - I'm not an idiot
 Yeah. You and your son.
 We'l see what happens.
 Merry Christmas
 Merry Christmas.
 This is my house.
 down a little in there?
 I have to defend it.
 You've reached the Murphy's.
 Please leave a message after the beep.
 This is Peter McCalister again.
 We're in Paris at my brother's.
 Let me give you the number here.
 The country code is 33.
 The area code is 1-4 and the number
 We'l check it out
 Really?
 You're helpless! We have to do
 everything for you.
 - She's right, Kev.
 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
 I don't know how to pack
 -I hope you didn't just pack arap.
 - Shut up, Linnie.
 We can come back for the truck.
 How do you want to go in?
 We'l go to the back door.
 Maybe he'll let us in.
 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
 is 694-876.
 - Hey, Harry.
 - Yeah?
 macaroni and cheese dinner.
 -..and the people who sold
 it an sale.
 t get scared now.
 Merry Christmas, little fella.
 We know that you're in there,
 and that you're all alone.
 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
 H's Santy Claus and his elf.
 We're not gonna hurt you.
 You know what I should pack?
 Buzz told you, cheek-face.
 Toilet paper and water.
 What are you so worried about?
 You know Mom's gonna
 This is it. Dont
 That house we ran last night,
 was that the MoCalister's?
 -Call me in Paris.
 - You're right. They're gone.
 -I knew they were.
 -Siver tuna tonight
 pack your stuff, anyway.
 You're what the French call
 les incompetents.
 Wow
 How may I help you?
 Is this toothbrush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 Well, I don't know.
 t doesnt say, hon.
 What?
 No, no. Gat some nice
 presents for you.
 Be a good little fella now
 and open the dor.
 Bombs
 PS. Vouaway!
 S. You have to sleep
 on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
 If he has something to drink,
 he'll wet the bed.
 What?
 What? What?
 Can you please find out?
 This house is so full of people
 -Herb.
 What?
 What happened?
 -Get that little.
 it makes me sick!
 Yeah?
 I got a question here
 about a toothbrush.
 When I grow up and get married,
 I'm living alone!
 Did you hear me?
 I'm living alone!
 Im living alone!
 Who's gonna fed your spider?
 He just ate a load of mice guts.
 He'll be good for a couple weeks.
 Is it true French babes
 Hello.
 Do you know, is this brush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 I don't know.
 Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
 Wait, you have to pay for that.
 Yes! Yes!
 The little ierk is armed!
 That's it! I'm going in the front.
 You go down the basement!
 Oh, boy. That's it, you little.
 Son! Son!
 You little..
 Jimmy, stop that boy!
 Hey!
 Shoplifter!
 Hey! Hey, kid!
 Come back here!
 No, not this time, you little brat.
 You little creep, where are you?
 don't shave their pits?
 Some don't.
 But they gat nude beaches.
 Yes!
 is head off.
 Not in the winter.
 You're dead, kid.
 Stop it, will you?
 Where are you,
 Hary, I'm coming in!
 Oh, no! I'm really scared.
 H's too late for you, kid, we're
 in the house. We're gonna get you.
 Okay, come and get me!
 Why, you.
 Now you're dead!
 f'm gonna kill that kid!
 Why'd you take your shoes off?
 Why are you dressed like a chicken?
 Im up here, you morons.
 Don't you know how to knock,
 phlegm-wad?
 Can I sloep here?
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 If he drinks, hel wet the bed.
 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
 if you were growing on my ass.
 you little creep?!
 Come here.
 Im a criminal.
 What's so funny?
 What's so funny?
 Why are you laughing?
 You did it again.
 You left the water running.
 Why do you do that?
 I told you not to do it
 - I's our calling card.
 - Calling card.
 All the great ones leave their mark.
 We're the wet bandits.
 You're sick, you know?
 You're really sick.
 I'm not sick.
 Check it out.
 Old man Marley
 Who's he?
 You ever heard of the South Bend
 Shovel Slayer?
 That's him.
 In '58 he murdered his whole family
 and half the people on his block.
 with a snow shovel.
 Come and get me.
 You guys give up, or are you
 thirsty for more?
 Heads up!
 Don't worry.
 n hiding out
 in this neighborhood ever since.
 If he's the shavel slayer,
 how come the cops don't arrest him?
 Not enough evidence to convict.
 Thay never found the bodies.
 Everyone around here knows he did it.
 Hli just be a matter of time.
 ..before he does it again.
 What's he doing?
 He walks up and down the stroets
 every night.
 --salting the sidewaks.
 Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
 Ben
 Marv.
 ril get him for you.
 - Yes, you are.
 It's a sick thing to do.
 Yes!
 He's only a kid, Harry.
 - We don't need that.
 - Don't tell me.
 I can do it if i want to
 It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
 Hey! Hey!
 You've gotta watch for traffic.
 - Sorry.
 We can take him.
 Ah, shut up, will you?
 What is it?
 You're missing some teeth
 Where? H's my gold tooth.
 My gold tooth. I'I kill him.
 - Damn.
 rIl kill him!
 Santy don't visit
 the funeral homes, buddy.
 Okay, okay.
 Merry Christmas.
 What's the matter?
 I don't like the way
 that kid looked at me.
 You bomb me with
 can, kid
 .and l snap off your cojones
 one more a
 No way.
 See that garbage can ful of salt?
 That's where he keeps his victims.
 and boil them in motor oil!
 911 emergency.
 Hello, my house is being robbed.
 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
 My name is Murphy.
 You never know what's up there.
 There he is!
 I got you! I got him, Harry.
 I got him.
 Harry, give me a hand!
 I got him!
 Harry, help me. Get up!
 The salt tums the bodies
 into mummies.
 Ever seen him before?
 -I saw a hundred kids this weck
 Let's see what house he goes into.
 Mummies!
 Look out!
 How you kids doing?
 Why's he going faster?
 I told you something's wrong.
 He looked at me weird.
 Why would he run?
 Maybe he went in the church.
 I'm not going in there.
 - Me neither
 Good?
 Lot of action around here today, huh?
 Going on vacation?
 Where you going?
 I got him.
 What are you doing?
 Harry, don't move.
 Don't move.
 Marv, what are you doing?
 Did I get him?
 Did I get him?!
 You hear me, or what?
 Going on a trip?
 Where you going, kid?
 Okay, that's $122.50.
 Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
 You just around for the holidays?
 You could say that.
 ** get aut of here.
 When those guys come back,
 ni be ready.
 Did they come back?
 From Paris?
 We'll come back tomorrow.
 Pizza's here!
 Where is it? Where is it?
 Maybe theyll be gone.
 We better go before somebody soes us
 - There you go.
 That's $122.60.
 t's my brother's house.
 He'l get it.
 Hey, listen.
 -Are you Mr. McCallister?
 Never mind that. Here!
 How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
 Get that kid, before L.
 Get that kid
 Where'd he go?
 Maybe he committed suicide.
 Down here, you big horse's ass!
 Come get me before I call the police.
 - Lat's get him!
 -Wait, wait.
 t's just what he wants us to do
 Go back through his fun house
 so we get all tore up.
 He's gonna call the cops!
 From a tree house?!
 Look what I found in the kitchen
 Frank, those are for later.
 Do you want a little shrimp. huh?
 Do you speak English?
 Well, in there.
 - Yeah.
 Did you get anybody?
 -I am looking for my son!
 No, I can't find anybody.
 They're all shopping.
 Nobody's home for the holidays.
 Never mind, forget it.
 - This is so pointless.
 The Mr. MoCalister who lives here?
 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50
 rd ike a word with you.
 Am I under arrest or something?
 There's always a lot of burglaries
 around the holidays.
 We're checking the neighborhood to see
 if the proper precautions are taken.
 We have automatic timers for our
 lights, locks for our doors
 That's about as well
 -What?
 Come on,
 We're here rotting in this apartment.
 Kavin's at home.
 Mom's at the airport.
 Out the window?
 I'm not going out the window.
 Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
 Come on, get aut here.
 as anybody can do.
 Did you get some eggnog?
 Come on
 So?
 -You're not worried about Kevin?
 Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk
 and now he caught it in the butt.
 He's so little and halpless.
 Don't you think he's freaked?
 The trout can use a couple of days
 Come on.
 Let's eat
 Come on!
 Come on
 -Come on. Keep
 -Eggnog?
 - Pizza!
 - Aro you gonna be leaving.?
 Let's go back, Harry.
 Hey, guys!
 Check this out
 in the real world.
 - Pizza!
 You're not worried
 something might happen?
 No. For three reasons:
 A I'm not that lucky
 Grab a napkin
 Go back. Go back.
 and pour your own drinks
 - Does Santa go through oustoms?
 What time do we have to go to bed?
 Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
 On the button.
 I hope you're all drinking milk.
 I want to get rid of it
 -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip.
 For pizza?
 There he is!
 Hey, Im calling the cops!
 Wait, wait!
 Two: We have smoke detectors.
 He wants us to follow him.
 I got a better idea. Come on.
 .and D: We live in the most boring
 street in the United States..
 ..where nothing aven remotely
 dangerous will ever happen. Period.
 Hiya, pal.
 We outsmarted you this time.
 Get aver herel
 What are you gorna do, Harry?
 ril do exactly what he did to us.
 Burn his head with a blowtorch
 Who is it?
 It's Little Nero's.
 I have your pizza.
 Leave it an the doorstep
 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
 - You've got money.
 Traveler's checks
 and get out of here
 l smash his face with an iron.
 rd ike to slap him
 Forget it, Frank. We have cash
 You probably got the checks
 Okay.
 What about the money?
 What money?
 Well, you have to pay
 in the face with a paint can!
 that dan't work in France.
 Shove a nail through his foot!
 I'm gonna bite off every one o
 Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
 Yeah. But if you want any.
 somebody's gonna have to barf it up
 because it's gone.
 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
 Kevt Kev, get a plate.
 - Passports!
 these little fingers, one at a time.
 Come on. Let's get you home.
 Wow! This is great.
 Nice move,
 sir.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 That'll be $11.80.
 leaving the water running.
 Now we know each and every house
 that you've hit
 We've been looking for you guys
 for a long time.
 Yeah. Well, remember,
 we're the "Wet Bandits."
 - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T.
 - Shut up! Get in the car!
 Hev, come on. Come on.
 Hand off the head, pall
 Keep the change, you filthy animal.
 - Cheapskate.
 - Hey.
 I'm gonna give you
 Watch it!
 No, no. Get these passports
 out of here.
 to the count of ten.
 . to get your ugly. yellow.
 ... no-good keister
 off my property.
 befare I pump you full of lead.
 Are you okay, honey? Come hera.
 Ara you all right?
 What is the matter with you?
 He ate my pizza on purpose.
 One, two... ten.
 He knows I hate sausage and olives
 Alovely cheese pizza, just for me
 To Dallas/Forth Worth.
 Come on
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 Get upstairs now.
 Why?
 I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent.
 American Airlines.
 So we have the $600,
 No, you're not
 You're such a disease.
 the pocket translator.
 You're beating yourself up there.
 -Shut up!
 - Kevin, upstairs!
 Say good night, Kevin.
 - "Good night, Kevin."
 Why do I get treated ike sum?
 Im sorry. This house is just orazy
 鈥瀟he two first-class seats
 thaf's an upgrade.
 Is that a real Rolex?
 These things happen, you know.
 You want to talk about bad parents?
 -Do you think it is?
 Look at us
 - No
 But who can tell?
 We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year.
 We hardly see our families.
 We've got all these extra kids
 running around.
 My brother's in from Ohio.
 I also have a ring.
 Oh, that is beautiful
 They're boarding.
 She's offered us two first-class
 Joe, over there. Gosh, you know.
 he forgets his kids' names
 half the time.
 How come you didnit bring
 tickets if we go Friday.
 Plus a ring, a watch,
 a pocket translator, $500 and...
 The earrings.
 She's got her own earrings
 he's never oven met his kid.
 more cheese pizzas?
 Nice tip. Thanks.
 Having a reunion?
 Eddy. Let's just hope
 none of them write a book about him.
 Tell me, have you gone on vacation
 d left your child home?
 No.
 My husband's brother transferred
 to Paris. His kids are still here.
 He missed the family.
 po he invited us to Paris.
 A whole shoebox full of them.
 -小ome on, con褌械 o锌.
 But I did leave one
 at a funeral parlor once.
 No, but.
 .so we'll be together.
 You're taking a trip to Paris?
 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
 Im desperate.
 Yeah, it was terble too.
 I'm begging you.
 From a mother to a mother. Please!
 -Oh, Ed.
 I was all distraught and everything
 The wife and I, we left the little
 Excellent. Excellent.
 tyke there in the funeral pario.
 All day. You know, we went
 f you'll excuse me, this one's
 -Please!
 Oh, all right
 "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister
 last year.
 This vear Fd rather have
 a little out of sorts.
 back at night, when we..
 Don't worry about me.
 I spoke to your husband.
 And don't worry about your home.
 Il's in good hands.
 There are 15 people, and only you
 ..came to our senses,
 there he was.
 Apparently, he was there
 all day with a corpse.
 some Clay-Doh.
 I didn't mean it.
 If you come back, Pll never be
 a pain in the butt again.
 I promise. Good night.
 I'm dreaming
 Of a white
 Now, he was okay
 You know, afer six, seven weeks.
 He came around
 and started talking again.
 They get over it.
 have to make trouble.
 I'm getting dumped on
 You're the only one acting up.
 Now get upstairs.
 I am upstairs, dummy!
 Kids are resilient ike that
 The third floor?
 Christmas
 We shouldn't talk about this.
 I was just trying to cheer you up.
 I'm sorry I did.
 Mom?
 -Go.
 Just like the ones
 Iused to know
 -If's scary up there
 Fulerli be up in
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 Where those treetops glisten
 And children listen
 Mom?
 To hear sleigh bells
 In the snow
 He wets the bed.
 Kevin!
 He'll pee all over me. I know it,
 We'l put him somewhere else.
 Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
 Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
 The snow
 Im sorry.
 t's too late. Get upstairs
 Everyone in this family hates me!
 Then ask Santa for a new family.
 I don't want a new family. I don't
 want any family. Families suck!
 Stay up there. I don't want
 to see you again tonight.
 I don't want to see you
 for the rest of my life.
 Are those microwave dinnors good?
 I don't know.
 Where's everybaody else?
 Oh, baby, they couldn't oome.
 They wanted to so much.
 I didn't fal asleep in the back
 and drool all over you, did 1?
 Pl give them a whirl.
 Hold on, I got a coupon for that
 It was in the paper this moming.
 $19.83.
 - You do drool!
 -Shut up!
 Kevin, my boy. How are you?
 You're all right.
 I love you. You okay?
 t's cool that you didn't
 Okay.
 Are you here all
 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
 yourself?
 I don't want to see
 anybody else either.
 I hope you don't mean that.
 You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up
 and didn't have a family.
 No, I wouldn't.
 Then say it again.
 Maybe itll happen.
 I hope I never see any
 of you jerks again!
 I wish they would all just disappear.
 Where are thay'?
 -I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
 You think I'd be here alone?
 I don't think so.
 Where's your mom?
 In the car
 Where's your dad?
 -He's at work
 What about brothers and sisters?
 burn the place down.
 Thanks, Buzz.
 Wait a minute.
 How'd you guys get hame?
 On the moming flight you didn't
 Oh, no. Oh! Thank you
 - Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 Someone has to find an open store.
 I went shopping yesterday.
 You, shapping?
 I got some milk, eggs
 I'm an only child.
 Where do you live?
 -I can't tell you.
 Why not?
 -Cause you're a
 Hello, Kevin!
 Peter!
 Shut up!
 I don't get it.
 It looks like there's nabody's home.
 Last night the place is jumping.
 Something ain't right.
 We slept in!
 Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
 Live across the street.
 You guys going out of town?
 We're going to Flarida
 Well, first we're going to Missouri
 to pick up my grandma
 and fabric softener.
 What?
 - No kidding?
 What a funny guy.
 What else did you do
 while we were away?
 Just hung around.
 Bring your stuff upstairs.
 He went shopping? He doesn't know haw
 to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
 Honey, what's this?
 Kevinl What did you do
 to my room?
 Go check it aut.
 Now?
 No, tomorrow, egghead!
 Now! Go ahead.
 You know the McCallisters
 are going to France?
 Do you know if it's cold?
 - Do these vans get good mileage?
 - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
 "Now."
 Shit!
 Get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny.
 But what about my money?
 What money?
 Do a head count.
 Get everyone in the vans.
 Where are the passports?
 I put them in the microwave to dry.
 How fast does this go?
 A.C. Said you had
 some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C.
 Ain't in charge no more.
 What do you mean?
 Does it have automatic transmission?
 Does it have 4-wheel drive?
 Look, I told you before, kid
 Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
 Line up in front of the van.
 Line up and shut up!
 He's upstairs, taking a bath.
 He'll call you when he gets out
 Hey, I tell you what I'm
 gonna give you,
 - Snakes?
 Wow!
 Shut up!
 One, two, three.
 Eleven, 92, 12.
 - Pl give you to the count of ten..
 ... to get your ugly.
 yellow, no-good.
 .keister off my property..
 before I pump you full of lead.
 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
 Im going
 Buzz, don't be a moron.
 Six, seven, eight.
 .rine, 10, 11
 Okay, half in this van,
 half in this one. Let's go
 Have a good trip.
 Bring me back something Franch.
 There's no way we'll make this plane.
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change, you fithy animal.
 What happened?
 I don't know who, but somebody
 just got blown away.
 Somebady beat us,
 they're in there
 It leaves in 45 minutes.
 Think positive!
 You be positive.
 Il be reaistic.
 Excuse me, your power is fixed.
 .but the phones are a mess.
 HIl take a couple of days to fix..
 .especially around the holidays.
 Two of them.
 There was arguing
 One blew the other one away.
 -Thanks.
 - Who?
 I don't know.
 I recognized one of their voices.
 I heard that name "Snakes" before.
 Did you count heads?
 Eleven, including me.
 Five boys, six girls,
 fwo drivers.
 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
 I don't know no Snakes
 Snakes. Lefs get aut of here.
 .and a partridge in a pear tree
 Hold the plane!
 -Did we miss it?
 You just made i
 Single seats only in conch
 Take whatever's fre
 Hold it. Hold it.
 Let's wait and see who it is.
 We work this neighborhood too
 Suppose the cops finger us
 for a job.
 .and they ask us about
 I get a window seat!
 Kids are in coach, we're first class.
 -Seats Four A and B.
 Four A and D, ril take your coats.
 a murder in the area.
 Wouldn't it be nice to have
 Fasten your seat belts.
 -Champagne, please,
 -If's free, isn'Y it?
 Oh, yes
 We made it.
 Do you believe it?
 Hope we didn't forget anything
 a face to go with it?
 That's a good idoa
 Of course it's a good idea.
 Snakes?
 He sounded ike a snake
 Everything's ful.
 Everything's ful?
 Im very sorry, but
 Mom?
 That's real. It's real crystal.
 Yeah, so?
 Put them in your purse.
 Frank, I can't do that
 Just. Put them in your pursel
 Yeah. Fil it up.
 Fill it up.
 Fill it up, please.
 Thank you.
 Don't you feel like a heel, flying
 first class with the kids in ooach?
 No. The kids are fine.
 it is Christmas Eve.
 What about another airline?
 Nothing available.
 May I help you get a hotel room?
 Tomorrow we can get you a fight
 I can't wait that long.
 Im sorry, ma'am, but we're
 doing absolutely everything we can.
 Im in your way. I'm sorry.
 You've places to ga.
 Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me
 Look, I have been awake
 for almost 60 hours.
 The only time I ever f
 in the station wagon, not to France.
 We had to go to Aunt Laura
 I'm tired and I'm dirty.
 I have been from Chicago to Paris,
 to Dallas, to. Where am 1?
 and Uncle Arthur's
 Kids are okay. They're having
 Scranton.
 I'm trying to get hame
 to my 8-yearald san
 the time of their lives.
 Hello?
 Mom?
 Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
 Dad?
 m sorry.
 Where are you guys?
 Buzz?
 Megan?
 Hello?
 No. No way.
 This is Christmas!
 The season of perpetual hope.
 IHI have to get on
 your rumway and hitchhike.
 Rod?
 Unole Frank?
 Unale Frank, is this a joke?
 Megan? Linnie?
 Is this a joka?
 H's anly my imagination.
 Only my imagination.
 .if it costs me averything I own..
 if I have to sel my soul
 to the Devil himself.
 .I am going to get home to my son.
 Ma'am, there was anything.
 Do it. Do anything.
 -I can get you a hotel room.
 What?
 Can you excuse us for a sec?
 Can I see you for a second, please?
 The cars are still here.
 They didn't go to the airport!
 I made my family disappear.
 You're completely helples
 You know, Kevin.
 you're what the French caI
 les incompetents.
 Kevin, I'm going to feed you
 to my tarantula
 Kevin, you are such a disease.
 There are 15 people, and you're
 the only or
 Excuse us.
 You got a little bit of a dilemma.
 We got a crisis ourselves.
 Allow me to introduce myself.
 Gus Polinski.
 Polka King of the Midwest?
 The Kenosha Kickers?
 trouble.
 -Hi there.
 - Hiya
 That's okay. I thought you might
 have recognized.
 I had a few hits a few years ago
 That's why I just.
 "Polka, Polka, Polka"?
 Polka, polka, polka
 "Twin Lakes Polika"?
 "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a.
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 I made my family disappear
 Im free!
 Wow!
 No clathes on anybody.
 Sickening!
 Coll Firecrackers!
 fll save these for later.
 Buzz, I'm going through
 all your private stuff.
 You better come out and pound me!
 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!
 Wha is it?
 ts me. Snakes
 I got the
 Leave it on the doorstep
 and get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny,
 but what about my monay?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
 "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist?
 These are songs?
 Yeah. Yeah, we.
 Some fairly big hits for us.
 You know, in the earty "80s
 e sold about 623
 copies of that.
 -In Chicago?
 - No, Shebaygan.
 Very big in Shebaygan.
 Did you say you could help?
 Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
 Our flight was canceled.
 ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy
 in the yellow jacket over there?
 He's gonna rent us a nice big van
 to drive to Milwaukee.
 Now, I heard you had some problems
 getting to Chicago?
 To see your kid or something?
 Uh, my son. He.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more
 Guys, I'm eating junk
 and watching rubbisht
 You batter come out and stop me!
 He'l call you when he gets out.
 il tell you what I'm gonna
 give you.
 I
 We left, and he's there.
 m gonna give you to
 If you have to get to Chicago,
 we'll gladly drive you.
 It's on the way to Milwaukee.
 - You'd give me a ride?
 - Sure, why not?
 You've got to get home.
 -A ride to Chicaga?
 - Sure, its Christmastime.
 Thank you. Oh, thank you.
 You don't mind going with polka bums?
 No, 'd love to.
 the count of ten.
 et your ugly, yellow.
 ... no-good keister off my property.
 before I pump your guts
 full of lead.
 All right, I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change,
 you fithy animal.
 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv
 Mom!
 What's the matter?
 Honey?
 I have a terrible feeling.
 About what?
 Look at this.
 I think we're getting scammed
 by a kindergartner
 Dad, can you come here
 and help me?
 That we didn't do something.
 You feel that way because
 we left in a hurry.
 We took care ol
 Remember that kid
 we saw the other day?
 He lives here.
 af everything.
 Al bum off the coffee?
 Did
 If the kid's here,
 the parent's got to be.
 I did.
 Did you lock up?
 He's home alone.
 What? You want to come
 Yeah.
 back tonight?
 Even with the kid here?
 I don't think thaf's a good idea.
 Did you alose the garage?
 That's it.
 I forgat to dose the garage.
 That house is the reason
 we worked this block
 Ever since I saw that house,
 That's it.
 No, that's not it.
 I wanted it.
 Let's take it one step at a time.
 We'l unload the van, get a bite
 to eat, we'l coma back about 9:00.
 Nine o'clock.
 This way it's dark then.
 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
 You're afraid of the dark too.
 You know you are.
 No, I'm not.
 What else could wo be forgetting?
 Kevin!
 The captain's doing all he can.
 Your phones are out of order.
 Wel call when we land.
 Im sure it's okay.
 袧orible. Horrible.
 Just horrible.
 How could we do this?
 We forgot him.
 We didn't forget him,
 we just miscounted.
 -Yes, you are
 Not, not not.
 You are so.
 Mom, where are you?
 Do you play?
 Do you want to try? Go ahead,
 try it. Try it!
 What kind of mother am 1?
 If it makes you feel any better,
 I forgot my reading glasses.
 ve families gone
 an one block alone.
 They all told me from their
 own mouths.
 - Excuse me.
 - Yeah?
 Hey, nice shoes.
 H's almost too easy.
 Oh, thanks.
 Is he still here? It's really
 Check it out:
 Al the houses with nobody home..
 ...have automatic timers
 an their lights.
 important that I sea him.
 He's getting in his car.
 If you hurry, you can catch him.
 How low! Giving Kriss Kningie
 a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
 What's next, rabies shots
 But I got it all figured out.
 Watch this.
 Number 064 will be going on
 right about.
 for the Easter Bunny?
 Wait, wait, wait.
 Santa, hold on
 -Can I talk to you for a minute?
 Number 682..
 .right now.
 Wait a minute.
 -Quickly
 Santa's running late.
 I know you're not
 ...now
 the real Santa
 And that's the one, Marvin.
 Claus.
 Huh, what makes you say that?
 Just out of curiosity.
 - I'm old enough to know how it works.
 Al right.
 But I also know you work for him.
 That's the silver tuna.
 It's very G.
 Very G, huh? Ifs loaded
 It's got lats of tap-fight goods.
 - Stereos, VCRS.
 - Toys?
 Probably looking at some
 very fine jewelry.
 Possible cash harde.
 - l'd ike you to give him a mossage.
 - Shoot.
 Kevin McCallister, 681
 Do you need the phone number?
 No, that's all right.
 This is extremely important.
 Please tell him instead of presents,
 I just want my family back.
 No toys. Nathing but Pater, Kate,
 Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff.
 And my aunt and my cousins.
 And if he has time,
 my Uncle Frank. Okay?
 Okay.
 - Pl see what I can do.
 81 Lincoln Blvd.
 Odd marketable securities.
 Who knows? It's a gem.
 Grab your crowbar.
 Crowbars up.
 You're a rotter,
 Mr. Grinch
 You're the king
 Of sinful sots
 Your heart's a dead tomato
 Blotched with moldy purple spots.
 Mr. Grinch
 Thanks.
 Wait. My elf took the last of the
 candy canes home to her boyfriend.
 - That's okay.
 - No, don't be silly.
 Everybody who sees Santa
 has got to get something.
 Here, hold out your little paw there.
 There you go.
 - Don't spoil your dinner.
 -I won't.
 Which way?
 We'l go around back,
 down the basement.
 -You said they were gone.
 - Thay were gonna leave today.
 Let's get out of hera.
 We have to use the phone, please.
 H's an emergency.
 We really have to make a call.
 Please! Our brother's home alone.
 Give us the phone!
 I'm sorry. Thank you.
 I'm calling the police.
 Book us a fight home.
 Thanks
 Son of a.!
 Merry Christmas.
 May I sit down?
 That's my granddaughter.
 The little red-haired girl.
 She's about your age.
 Get change out of here.
 "啶距
 Call everybody you know.
 Here's my address book. You and Frank
 call everyone on our street.
 Maybe somebody can help us
 Hello? Hello?
 Oh, she'll have to call you back.
 This is ridiculaus.
 Only a wimp would be
 hiding under a bed.
 And I can't be a wimp.
 I'm the man of the house.
 Hey, Im not afraid anymore!
 I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
 Do you hear me?
 I'm not afraid anymore.
 Village police department.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 rd ike somebody to go there. Tell
 him that we're coming home to get him.
 Okay, lat me connect you
 with Family Crisis Intervention.
 You know her?
 No.
 You live next to me, don't you?
 You can say helo when you see me.
 You dan't have to be afraid.
 There's a lot of things going around
 about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
 -You've been good this year?
 I think so.
 You swear to it?
 No.
 Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
 if you're feeling bad about yourself.
 -It is?
 -I think so.
 Are you feeling bad about yourself?
 -No.
 Ive been kind of a pain lately.
 I said some things I shouldn't have.
 I really haven't been
 Hold on.
 Larry, can you pick up?
 There's some hyper lady on hold.
 - What line, Rose?
 - Twa.
 Family Crisis Intervention,
 Sergeant Balzac.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 too good this year.
 Yeah.
 Im kind of upset
 because I really ike my family.
 Even though sametimes I say I don't.
 Sometimes I even think I don't.
 Do you get that?
 I think so.
 How you feel about family
 Has the child been involved in
There will be no Christmas without Home alone

There will be no Christmas without Home alone

ifs: is a complicated thing. Especially with an older brother. Deep down, you'l always love him But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. That's not just because you're young. Where's my suitcase? Miss. Young lady! Exouse me. Girls! Hey, little fella. Hey! Exouse me, girls. Girls! Hey, big fella! Help me make the beds in the living room. violence with a drunk family member? No! Has he been involved in a household accident? I don't know. I hope not Has the child ingested any poison ar is an object lodged in his throat? e real You want to know the r No, he's home alone! l'd like reason why Im here? Sure. Come on down here! somebody to go over to the house. -..and see if he's all right. You want us to go to your house. Hey, san! Big fella. Hey, little guy! Litle guy! Pete's brother and his family are here. Trish is going to Montreal. Montreal? Oh, her family's there. I came to hear my granddaughter sing. I can't come hear her tonight. You have plans? No. just to check on him. Yes! Let me connect you to the police I'm not welcome. They just transferred me. You're always welcome at church. I'm not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family -Rose! - Yeah. - Then we're off. - When? - 袧褍褉e谐. -袧邪ng an -Hold on, please. Tomorrow. moved on the block. You're not ready, are you? -.I had an argument with my son. How old is he? Uncle Frank won't let me - No, please don't hang up. Please! Any luck? -I couldn't get anybody. watch the movie He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said Ididn't care to see him anymore He said the same, and we haven't .but the big kids can. Why can't 17 Im on the phone. - Leslie? Nothing but a bunch of answering machines. Somebady pick up. Pick up! Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and L. We'l send a policeman over to your house to check on your son. There's nobody home. spoken to each other since. do you come back? Not till then? f vou miss him. why don't y Im afraid if I call he won't talk to me. How do you know? I don't know. I'm just afraid. H's not even rated R. vou call him? He's just being a jerk. Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no. ..then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel. Hey, get of Kevin, out of the room. The house looks secure. No offense, but aren't you Tell them to count their kids again. You can't bump somebody or ask or.? There's no way I can do that. Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? If you said it's an emergency. I cannot ask them. She's sending a policeman house. a little old to be afraid? You can be old for a lot of things. Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? This kid. Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? No, I didn't have time. - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. I was afraid of our basement IH's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. That sort of thing. I's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down to do some laundry. ..and I found out ifs not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. What's your point? My point is, you should call your son. -What if he won't talk to me? Dad, nobodyll let me do anything Ive got something, pick up those MicroMachines that are all over. Well, that's a relief. Everything here is booked. Nothing to Chicago? Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. He was playing There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. iih the glue gun again. We talked about that. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made omaments out of fish hooks. - My new fish hooks? -I can't make them out of old anes.. - What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. Friday morn. That's two days away. The kids are exhausted and so are you. There's nothing we can do here. - At least you'l know. Then you could stop worrying about it ..with dry worm guts stuck on them. - Peter. -Come on, Kevin. Out Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? Here's a voltage adapter! God, you're getting heavy! Go pack your suitcase. Pack my suitcase? -Where's the shampoo? -I don't live here This many people here and no shampoo. Are your folks home? - Thay don't live here. - Tracy, did you crder the pizza? - Buzz did. Tsay we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. You won't have to be afraid No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. I don't know Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. Im sure she misses you. And the presents I send her a check. I wish my grandparents did tha They always send me clothes. I'm not leaving here unless airplane it's o Madame, we are doing everything we can. to stay at the airport. If you want maybe we can get you on standby. It is a possibility that a seat will open up. - Is that okay? Last year I got a sv a sweater Il miss you, honey. Don't you get lost. Goodbye I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap. Including all my major crevices. .between my toes and in my belly button. .which I never did before but enjayed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. I can't find my toothbrush, so l'll pick one up today. Other than that, Im in good shape. All right! Buzz's life savings. I thought the Murphys went to Florida. You're ane of the great cat burglars of the world. You think you can keep it with a bird knitted on it. Oh, that's nice. Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing samething like that I have a friend who got nailed. ..because there was a rumor Excuse me. Are your parents here? My parents live in Paris. -Hi! - Hi! - Are your parents home? Yeah. he wore dinosaur pajamas You better run home where you belong. - Do they live here? -No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. I don't know how to pack a suitcase. Think about what I said. -All right? - Okay. H's nice talking to you. Nice talking to you. Ive never done it once. - Me? - Tough. - That's what Megan said. What did I say? You told him "Tough." The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, yau're an idiot? Yeah. You and your son. We'l see what happens Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. This is my house. I have to defend it. We'l check it out down a little in there? - I'm not an idiot! You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. This is Peter McCalister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. Let me give you the number here The country code is 33. The area code is 1-4 and the number is 694-876. - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? Realy? You're helpless! We have to do everything for you. - She's right, Kev. Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. I don't know how to pack -I hope you didn't just pack arap. - Shut up, Linnie. We can come back for the truck. How do you want to go in? We'l go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. Bless this nutritious, microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner. ...and the people who sold You know what I should pack? Buzz told you, cheek-face. Tailet paper and water. What are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna it on sale. This is it. Dont Merry Christmas, little fe That house we ran last night, t get scared now. was that the MoCalister's? - Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. -I knew they were. -Siver tuna tonight We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. H's Santy Claus and his elf. We're nat gonna hurt you. pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call les incompetents. Wow How may I help you? Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon. Can you please find out? -Herb. What? Bombs away! S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. This house is so full of people No, no. Gat some nice presents for you. Be a good little fella now and open the dor. What? What? What? P.S. What? What happened? -Get that little. it makes me sick! Yeah? When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! I'm living alone! Who's gonna feed your spider? He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits? I got a question here about a toothbrush. Hello. Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? I don't know. Oh, hon, you pay for that here. Wait, you have to pay for that. Yes! Yes! The little jerk is armed! That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! Oh, boy. That's it, you little. Son! Son! You little.. Jimmy, stop that boy! Hey! Shoplifter! Hey! Hey, kid! Come back here! Stop it, will you? Come here. 'm a criminal. What's so funny? What's so funny? Why are you laughing? You did it again. You left the water running. Why do you do that? I told you nat to do i - I's our calling card. - Calling card. All the great ones leave their mark We're the wet bandits. You're sick, you know? You're really sick. I'm not sick. No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you? Some don't. Yes! is head off. But they gat nude beaches. Not in the winter. You're dead, kid. Where are you, you little creep?! Hary, I'm coming in! Oh, no! I'm really scared. Don't you know how to knock, phlegm wad? Can I sloep here? I don't want to sleap with Fuller. If he drinks, he'll wet the bed. H's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. Okay, come and get me! Why, you. Now you're dead! f'm gonna kill that kid! Why'd you take your shoes off? Why are you dressed like a chicken? I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. Check it aut. Old man Marlay. Who's he? You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That's him. In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block. I'm up here, you morons. Come and get me. You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? Heads up! Don't worry. with a snow shovel. n hiding out in this neighborhood ever since. If he's the shavel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. Everyone around here knows he did it. HIl just be a matter of time.. ..before he does it again. What's he doing? Ben Marv. - Yes, you are IH's a sick thing to do. ril get him for you. Yes! - We don't need that. He's only a kid, Harry. - Don't tel me. I can do it if I want to It's not sick. Hey, watch out! Heyl Hey! You've gotta watch for traffic. - Sorry. We can take him. Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? You're missing some teeth Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'l kill him. He walks up and down the stroets every night. --salting the sidewaks. Maybe he's just trying to be nice. No way. See that garbage can ful of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt tums the bodies - Damn. rIl kill him! Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. Okay, okay Merry Christmas. What's the matter? I don't like the way You bomb me with e can, kid .and l snap off your cojanes one more a and boil them in motor ail! 911 emergency. Hello, my house is being robbed. that kid looked at me. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. into mummies. Ever seen him before? -I saw a hundred kids this week Let's see what house he goes into. Why's he going faster? I told you something's wrong. He looked at me weird. Why would he run? Maybe he went in the church. I'm not going in there. - Me neither Let's get aut of here. When those guys come back, ni be ready. Did they come back? From Paris? We'l come back tomorrow. Mummies! You never know what's up there. Look out! How you kids doing? There he is! I got you! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me. Get up! I got him. What are you doing? Harry, don't move. Don't move. Marv, what are you doing? Did I get him? Did I get him?! Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where you going? You hear me, or what? Going on a trip? Where you going, kid? Okay, that's $122.50. Not from me, kid. I don't live here. You just around for the holidays? You could say that. Pizza's here! Where is it? Where is it? Maybe they'll be gone. We better go before somebody soes us - There you go. That's $122.50. Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! Get that kid, before L. Get that kidt Where'd he go? Maybe he committed suicide. Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. - Lat's get him! -Wait, wait. It's my brather's house. He'll get it Hey, listen. -Are you Mr. McCallister? - Yeah. Look what I found in the kitchen Frank, those are for later. Do you want a ittla shrimp. huh? Do you speak English? Well, in there. Did you get anybody? -I am looking for my son! No, I can't find anybody. They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. Never mind, forget it. - This is so pointless. The Mr. MoCallister who lives here? Good, because somebody owes me $122.50 rd ike a word with you. Am I under arrest or something? There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. We have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors It's just what he wants us to do Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. He's gonna call From a tree house?! 胁 褋芯褉械! -What? Come on, We're here rotting in this apartment. Kavin's at home. Mom's at the airport. Out the window? That's about as well I'm not going out the window. Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get aut hare. as anybody can do. Did you get some eggnog? Come on So? -You're not worried about Kevin? Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. He's so little and halpless. Don't you think he's freaked? The trout can use a couple of days Come on. Let's eat Come on! -Come on. Keep Let's go back, Harry. Come on -Eggnog? - Pizza! - Aro you gonna be leaving.? in the real world. Hey, guys! Check this out. - Pizza! You're not worried something might happen? No. For three reasons: A I'm not that lucky Grab a napkin Go back. Go back. and pour your own drinks - Does Santa go through oustoms? -What time do we have to go to bed? Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip. For pizza? There he is! Hey, Im calling the cops! Wait, wait! Two: We have smoke detectors. .and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States.. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea, Come on. Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. ..where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period. Who is it? Get aver here! It's Little Nero's. What are you gorna do, Harry? l do exactly what he did to us. Burn his head with a blowtorch I have your pizza. Leave it on the doorstep Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. - You've got money. Traveler's checks and get out of here l smash his face with an iron. rd ike to slap him Forget it, Frank. We have cash You probably got the checks Okay. What about the money? What money? in the face with a paint can! that dan't work in France. Shove a nail through his foot! I'm gonna bite off every one o these little fingers, one at a time. Well, you have to pay Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Yeah. But if you want any. somebody's gonna have to barf it up because it's gone. Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. Kevt Kev, get a plate. - Passports! sir. Is that a fact? Come on. Let's get you home. Wow! This is great. Nice move, How much do I owe you? That'll be $11.80. leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit We've been looking for you guys for a long time. Yeah. Well, remember, Keep the change, you filthy animal. - Cheapskate. - Hey. I'm gonna give you Watch it! No, no. Get these passports out of here. to the count of ten. . to get your ugly. yellow.. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pumo you full of lead. Are you okay, honey? Come hera. Ara you all right? What is the matter with you? we're the "Wet Bandits." - Wet Bandits, thal's W-E-T. - Shut up! Get in the car! He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives Look what you did, you little jerk! Get upstairs now. Why? One, two... ten. Hey, come Come on. Alovely cheese pizza, just for me To Dallas/Forth Worth. -Hand off the head, pall! Come on I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent. American Airlines. So we have the $500. the pocket translator. No, you're not You're such a disease. You're beating yourself up there. This happens. These things happen, you know. You want to tak about bad parents? Shut up! 鈥瀟he two first-class seats - Kevin, upstairs! Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night, Kevin." Why do I get treated ike scum? Im sorry. This house is just orazy thaf's an upgrade. Is that a real Rolax? -Do you think it is? Look at us - No But who can tell? We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year. We hardly see our families. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother's in from Ohio. I also have a ring Oh, that is beautiful They're boarding. Joe, over there. Gosh, you know.. he forgets his kids' names half the time. Ziggy over there, he's never even met his kid. Eddy. Let's just hope She's offered us two first-class How come you didnit bring tickets if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket trarnslator, $500 and.. The earrings. She's got her own earrings A whole shoebax full of them. -Come on, come on No. but. more cheese pizzas? Nice tip. Thanks. Having a reunion? none of them write a book about him. Tell me, have you gone on vacation nd left your child haome? No. My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. He missed the family, po he invited us to Paris. ...so we'll be together. You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. Im desperate. Yeah, it was ternble top I'm begging you. From a mother to a mother,. Please! I was all distraught and everything The wife and I, we left the litle Excellent. Excellent. -Oh, Ed. tyke there in the funeral parlo. All day. You know, we went f you'll excuse me, this one's -Please! Oh, all right "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister last year. This vear Fd rather have a little out of sorts. back at night, when we.. Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. And don't worry about your home. Il's in good hands. There are 15 people, and only you ...came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there some Clay-Doh. all day with a corpse. I didn't mean it. If you come back, Pll never be a pain in the butt again. I promise. Good night. I'm dreaming Of a white Christmas Now, he was okay You know, afer six, seven weeks. He came around and started talking again. They get over it. have to make trouble. I'm getting dumped on You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy! Kids are resilient like that. We shouldn'E talk about this. I was just trying to cheer you up. I'm sorry I did. Mom? The third floor? -Go. -If's scary up there Fulerli be up in I don't want to sleep with Fuller. Just like the ones Iused to know Where those treetops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells In the snow Mom? He wets the bed. Kevin! He'll pee all over me. I know it, We'l put him somewhere else. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. The snow Im sorry. t's too late. Get upstairs Everyone in this family hates me! Then ask Santa for a new family. I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! Stay up there. I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. Are those microwave dinnors good? I don't know. Where's everybody else? Oh, baby, they couldn't oome. They wanted to so much. I didn't fal asleep in the back and drool all over you, did ? - You do drool! Shut up! Kevin, my boy. How are you? You're all right. I love you. You okay? t's cool that you didn't Pl give them a whirl. Hold on, I got a coupon for that It was in the paper this moming. $19.83. Okay. Are you here all Ma'am, I'm 8 years old. yourself? I don't want to see anybody else either. I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up and didn't have a family. No, I wouldn't. Then say it again. Maybe itll happen. I hope I never see any of you jerks again! I wish they would all just disappear. Where are thay'? -I don't know. She said 8 sharp. You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. Where's your mom? In the car. Where's your dad? -He's at work. burn the place down. Thanks, Buzz. Wait a minute. How'd you guys get hame? On the moming flight you didn't What about brothers and sisters? Oh, no. Oh! Thank you - Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Someone has to find an open store. I went shopping yesterday. You, shopping? I got some milk, eggs Im an only child. Where do you live? -I can't tell you. Why not? -Cause you're a Hello, Kevin! Peter! Shut up! I don't get it. It looks like there's nobody's homn. Last night the place is jumping. Something ain't right. We slept in! Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. Live across the street. You guys going out of bown? We're going to Flarida Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma and fabric softener. What? - No kidding? What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? Just hung around. Bring your stuff upstairs. He went shopping? He doesn't know haw to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? Honey, what's this? Kevinl What did you do to my room? Go check it aut. Now? No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. You know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold? -Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! "Now." Shit! Get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny. But what about my money? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Aint in charge no more. What do you mean? Do a head count. Get everyone in the vans. Where are the passports? I put them in the microwave to dry. How fast does this go? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have d Look, I told you before, kid +wheel drive? Don't bother me. Now, beat it! Line up in front of the van. Line up and shut up! He's upstairs, taking a bath. He'll call you when he gets out Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. -Snakes? Wow! Shut up! I need a head caunt. One, two, three. Eleven, 92, 12. - Pl give you to the count of ten.. ... to get your ugly. yellow, no-good. .keister off my property.. before I pump you full of lead. All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. Im going Buzz, don't be a moron. Six, seven, eight. .rine, 10, 11 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go Have a good trip. Bring me back something Franch. There's no way we'll make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes, Think positive! One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. What happened? I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. Somebady beat us, they're in there You be positive. Il be reaistic. Excuse me, your power is fixed. .but the phones are a mess. HIl take a couple of days to fix.. .especially around the holidays. Two of them. There was arguing One blew the other one away. -Thanks. - Who? I don't know I recognized one of their voices. I heard that name "Snakes" before. Did you count heads? Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, fwo drivers. Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes Snakes. Lef's get aut of here. .and a partridge in a pear tree Hold the plane! -Did we miss it? Hold it. Hold it. Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too Suppose the cops finger us for a job. ...and they ask us about a murder in the area. You just made Single seats only in conch Take whatever's fre I get a window seat! Kids are in coach, we're first class. -Seats Four A and B. Four A and D, ril take your coats. Wouldn't it be nice to have Fasten your seat belts. -Champagne, please, -If's free, isn'Y it? Oh, yes We made it. Do you believe it? Hope we didn't forget anything a face to go with it? That's a good idoa Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? He sounded ike a snake Everything's ful. Everything's full? Im very sorry, but Mom? That's real. It's real crystal. Yeah, so? Put them in your purse. Frank, I can't do that Just. Put them in your pursel Yeah. Fil it up. Fill it up. Fill it up, please. Thank you. Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in ooach? No. The kids are fine. it is Christmas Eve. What about another airline? Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? Tomorrow we can get you a fight. I can't wait that long. Im sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. Im in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to ga. Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. The only time I ever f in the station wagan, not to France. We had to go to Aunt Laura I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris, to Dallas, to. Where am 1? and Uncle Arthur's Kids are okay. They're having Scranton. I'm trying to get home to my 8-year-old son. Now you're telling me it's hopeless? m sorry. the time of their lives. Hello? Mom? Dad? Where are you guya? Buzz? Megan? Hello? No. No way. This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope. IHI have to get on your runway and hitchhike. Rod? Unole Frank? Unale Frank, is this a joke? Megan? Linnie? Is this a joka? H's anly my imagination. Only my imagination. .if it costs me averything I own.. if I have to sel my soul to the Devil himself. .I am going to get home to my son. Ma'am, there was anything. Do it. Do anything. -I can get you a hotel room. What? Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a second, please? The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! I made my family disappear. You're completely helpless. You know, Kevin. you're what the French call les incompetents Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula Kevin, you are such a disease. There are 15 people, and you're the only or Excuse us. You got a little bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? trouble. -Hi there. - Hiya That's okay. I thought you might have recognized. I had a few hits a fow years ago That's why I just. "Polka, Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka "Twin Lakes Polika"? "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a. Look what you did, you little jerk! I made my family disappear. Im free! Wow! No clathes on anybody. Sickening! Coll Firecrackers! fll save these for later. Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. You better come out and pound mel Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof Who is it? ts me. Snakes I got the Leave it on the doorstop and get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny, but what about my monay? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist? These are songs? Yeah. Yeah, we. Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the earty "80s e sold about 623 copies of that. -In Chicago? - No, Sheboygan. Very big in Shebaygan. Did you say you could help? Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled. ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket aver there? He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? To see your kid or something? Uh, my son. He. We left, and he's there. How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbisht You batter come out and stop me! He'll call you when he gets out. rIl tell you what I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you to If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee. - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? a ome. the count of ten. et your ugly, yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pump your guts full of lead. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going. One, two. ten. You've got to get h -A ride to Chicaga? - Sure, its Christmastime. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You don't mind going with polka bums? No, I'd love to. Keep the change, you fithy animal. Mom! Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv! What's the matter? Look at this. I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner Dad, can you come here and help me Honey? I have a terrible feeling. About what? That we didn't do something. You feel that way because we left in a hurry. Remember that kid we saw the other day? of everything. He lives here We took care Did I turn off the coffee? If the kid's here, the parent's got to be. I did. Did you lock up? He's home alone. What? You want to come Yeah. back tonight? Even with the kid here? I don't think thaf's a good idea. Did you alose the garage? That's it. I forgat to dlose the garage. Thal's it That house is the reason we worked this block. No, that's not it. Ever since I saw that house, I wanted it. Let's take it one step at a time. Wel unload the van, get a bite What else could we be forgetting? 螝伪谓in! The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. Wel call when we land. Im sure it's okay. to eat, we'l come back about 9:00. Nine o'clock. This way it's dark then Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. Horible, Horible. You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. Just horrible. How could we do this? We forgot him. We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are Not, not not. You are so. Mom, where are you? Do you play? Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! What kind of mother am 1? If it makes you feel any better, I forgat my reading giasses. Five families gone an ane block alone. - Excuse me. - Yeah? Hey, nice shoes. Oh, thanks. Is he still here? It's really important that I sea him. He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. How lowl Giving Kriss Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots They all told me from their own mouths. H's almost too easy. Check it out: Al the houses with nobody home. ...have automatic timers an their lights. But I got it all figured out. Watch this. Number 064 will be going on right about. for the Easter Bunny? Wait, wait, wait. Santa, hold on - Can I talk to you for a minute? - Quickly Santa's running late. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiosity. - I'm old enough to know how it works. All right. But I also know you work for him. Number 682.. right now. Wait a minute. ...now And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. t's very G. Very G, huh? It's loaded. It's got lats of tap-fight goods. - Stereos, VCRS. - Toys? Probably looking at some very fine jawelry. Possible cash harde. - l'd like you to give him a message. - Shoot. Kevin McCallister, 681 Do you need the phone number? No, that's all right. This is extremely important. Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? Okay. - Pl see what I can do. Thanks. Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa has got to get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. - Don't spoil your dinner. -I won't. 81 Lincoln Blvd. Odd marketable securities. Who knows? It's a gem. Grab your crowbar. Crowbars up. You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king Of sinful sots Your heart's a dead tomato Blotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Grinch Which way? We'l go around back, down the basement. - You said they were gone. - Thay were gonna leave today. Let's get out of here. We have to use the phone, please. H's an emergency. We really have to make a call. Please! Our brother's home alone. Give us the phone! I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm calling the police, Book us a fight home. Get change out of here. Call averybody you know. Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone an our street. Maybe somebody can help us Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. This is ridiculaus. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. Hey, Im not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? Im not afraid anymore. Village police department. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. rd ike somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming hame to get him. Okay, lat me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. Thanks Son of a.! Merry Christmas. May I sit down? That's my granddaughter. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. You know her? No. You live next to me, don't you? You can say helo when you see me. You dan't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? You've been good this year? I think so. You swear to it? No. Yeah. Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. -It is? -I think so. Are you feeling bad about yoursel? -No. Ive been kind of a pain lately I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been Hold on. Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. - What line, Rose? - Twa. Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. too good this year. Yeah. Im kind of upset because I really ike my family. Even though sametimes I say I don't. Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? I think so. How you feel about family Has the child been involved in me_irl
ifs: is a complicated thing.
 Especially with an older brother.
 Deep down, you'l always love him
 But you can forget that you love him.
 You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
 That's not just because you're young.
 Where's my suitcase?
 Miss. Young lady!
 Exouse me. Girls!
 Hey, little fella. Hey!
 Exouse me, girls. Girls!
 Hey, big fella!
 Help me make the beds
 in the living room.
 violence with a drunk family member?
 No!
 Has he been involved
 in a household accident?
 I don't know. I hope not
 Has the child ingested any poison
 ar is an object lodged in his throat?
 e real
 You want to know the r
 No, he's home alone! l'd like
 reason why Im here?
 Sure.
 Come on down here!
 somebody to go over to the house.
 -..and see if he's all right.
 You want us to go to your house.
 Hey, san!
 Big fella.
 Hey, little guy! Litle guy!
 Pete's brother
 and his family are here.
 Trish is going to Montreal.
 Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
 I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
 I can't come hear her tonight.
 You have plans?
 No.
 just to check on him.
 Yes!
 Let me connect you to the police
 I'm not welcome.
 They just transferred me.
 You're always welcome at church.
 I'm not welcome with my son.
 Years back, before you and your family
 -Rose!
 - Yeah.
 - Then we're off.
 - When?
 - 袧褍褉e谐.
 -袧邪ng an
 -Hold on, please.
 Tomorrow.
 moved on the block.
 You're not ready, are you?
 -.I had an argument with my son.
 How old is he?
 Uncle Frank won't let me
 - No, please don't hang up. Please!
 Any luck?
 -I couldn't get anybody.
 watch the movie
 He's grown up.
 We lost our tempers, and I said
 Ididn't care to see him anymore
 He said the same, and we haven't
 .but the big kids can.
 Why can't 17
 Im on the phone.
 - Leslie?
 Nothing but a bunch
 of answering machines.
 Somebady pick up. Pick up!
 Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again.
 Look, I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone, and L.
 We'l send a policeman over
 to your house to check on your son.
 There's nobody home.
 spoken to each other since.
 do you come back?
 Not till then?
 f vou miss him.
 why don't y
 Im afraid if I call
 he won't talk to me.
 How do you know?
 I don't know.
 I'm just afraid.
 H's not even rated R.
 vou call him?
 He's just being a jerk.
 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no.
 ..then it must be really bad.
 No, we put the dog in the kennel.
 Hey, get of
 Kevin, out of the room.
 The house looks secure.
 No offense, but aren't you
 Tell them to count their kids again.
 You can't bump somebody or ask or.?
 There's no way I can do that.
 Isn't there a way
 if you ask somebody?
 If you said it's an emergency.
 I cannot ask them.
 She's sending a policeman
 house.
 a little old to be afraid?
 You can be old for a lot of things.
 Hang up the phone and make me,
 why don't you?
 This kid.
 Did you pick up
 a voltage adaptor thing?
 No, I didn't have time.
 - Then how do I shave in France?
 - Grow a goatee.
 You're never too old to be afraid.
 - That's true.
 I was afraid of our basement
 IH's dark. There's weird stuff
 down there, and it smells funny.
 That sort of thing.
 I's bothered me for years.
 Basements are like that.
 I made myself go down
 to do some laundry.
 ..and I found out ifs not so bad.
 I worried about it, but if you
 turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
 What's your point?
 My point is,
 you should call your son.
 -What if he won't talk to me?
 Dad, nobodyll let me do anything
 Ive got something, pick up those
 MicroMachines that are all over.
 Well, that's a relief.
 Everything here is booked.
 Nothing to Chicago?
 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
 He was playing
 There's nothing to Chicago,
 New York, Nashville.
 iih the glue gun again.
 We talked about that.
 Did I burn down the joint?
 I don't think so.
 I made omaments out of fish hooks.
 - My new fish hooks?
 -I can't make them out of old anes..
 - What about a private plane?
 - Sorry. We don't do that.
 The only thing is a booking
 for us on Friday morning.
 Friday morn. That's two days away.
 The kids are exhausted and so are you.
 There's nothing we can do here.
 - At least you'l know.
 Then you could stop worrying about it
 ..with dry worm guts stuck on them.
 - Peter.
 -Come on, Kevin. Out
 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
 Here's a voltage adapter!
 God, you're getting heavy!
 Go pack your suitcase.
 Pack my suitcase?
 -Where's the shampoo?
 -I don't live here
 This many people here and no shampoo.
 Are your folks home?
 - Thay don't live here.
 - Tracy, did you crder the pizza?
 - Buzz did.
 Tsay we go over to Rob's, and that
 way we can call the police again.
 You won't have to be afraid
 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
 Dad. Especially around the holidays.
 I don't know
 Just give it a shot.
 For your granddaughter anyway.
 Im sure she misses you.
 And the presents
 I send her a check.
 I wish my grandparents did tha
 They always send me clothes.
 I'm not leaving here unless
 airplane
 it's o
 Madame, we are doing
 everything we can.
 to stay at the airport.
 If you want
 maybe we can get you on standby.
 It is a possibility
 that a seat will open up.
 - Is that okay?
 Last year I got a sv
 a sweater
 Il miss you, honey.
 Don't you get lost.
 Goodbye
 I took a shower, washing every
 body part with actual soap.
 Including all my major crevices.
 .between my toes
 and in my belly button.
 .which I never did before
 but enjayed.
 I washed my hair with adult formula
 shampoo and used creme rinse.
 I can't find my toothbrush,
 so l'll pick one up today.
 Other than that, Im in good shape.
 All right! Buzz's life savings.
 I thought the Murphys
 went to Florida.
 You're ane of the great
 cat burglars of the world.
 You think you can keep it
 with a bird knitted on it.
 Oh, that's nice.
 Not for a guy in the second grade.
 You can get beat up for wearing
 samething like that
 I have a friend who got nailed.
 ..because there was a rumor
 Excuse me. Are your parents here?
 My parents live in Paris.
 -Hi!
 - Hi!
 - Are your parents home?
 Yeah.
 he wore dinosaur pajamas
 You better run home where you belong.
 - Do they live here?
 -No.
 Why should they?
 All kids, no parents.
 Probably a fancy orphanage.
 I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
 Think about what I said.
 -All right?
 - Okay.
 H's nice talking to you.
 Nice talking to you.
 Ive never done it once.
 - Me?
 - Tough.
 - That's what Megan said.
 What did I say?
 You told him "Tough."
 The dope was whining about a suitcase.
 What was I supposed to say?
 "Congratulations, yau're an idiot?
 Yeah. You and your son.
 We'l see what happens
 Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 This is my house.
 I have to defend it.
 We'l check it out
 down a little in there?
 - I'm not an idiot!
 You've reached the Murphy's.
 Please leave a message after the beep.
 This is Peter McCalister again.
 We're in Paris at my brother's.
 Let me give you the number here
 The country code is 33.
 The area code is 1-4 and the number
 is 694-876.
 - Hey, Harry.
 - Yeah?
 Realy?
 You're helpless! We have to do
 everything for you.
 - She's right, Kev.
 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
 I don't know how to pack
 -I hope you didn't just pack arap.
 - Shut up, Linnie.
 We can come back for the truck.
 How do you want to go in?
 We'l go to the back door.
 Maybe he'll let us in.
 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
 macaroni and cheese dinner.
 ...and the people who sold
 You know what I should pack?
 Buzz told you, cheek-face.
 Tailet paper and water.
 What are you so worried about?
 You know Mom's gonna
 it on sale.
 This is it. Dont
 Merry Christmas, little fe
 That house we ran last night,
 t get scared now.
 was that the MoCalister's?
 - Call me in Paris.
 - You're right. They're gone.
 -I knew they were.
 -Siver tuna tonight
 We know that you're in there,
 and that you're all alone.
 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
 H's Santy Claus and his elf.
 We're nat gonna hurt you.
 pack your stuff, anyway.
 You're what the French call
 les incompetents.
 Wow
 How may I help you?
 Is this toothbrush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 Well, I don't know.
 It doesn't say, hon.
 Can you please find out?
 -Herb.
 What?
 Bombs away!
 S. You have to sleep
 on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
 If he has something to drink,
 he'll wet the bed.
 This house is so full of people
 No, no. Gat some nice
 presents for you.
 Be a good little fella now
 and open the dor.
 What?
 What? What?
 P.S.
 What?
 What happened?
 -Get that little.
 it makes me sick!
 Yeah?
 When I grow up and get married,
 I'm living alone!
 Did you hear me?
 I'm living alone!
 I'm living alone!
 Who's gonna feed your spider?
 He just ate a load of mice guts.
 He'll be good for a couple weeks.
 Is it true French babes
 don't shave their pits?
 I got a question here
 about a toothbrush.
 Hello.
 Do you know, is this brush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 I don't know.
 Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
 Wait, you have to pay for that.
 Yes! Yes!
 The little jerk is armed!
 That's it! I'm going in the front.
 You go down the basement!
 Oh, boy. That's it, you little.
 Son! Son!
 You little..
 Jimmy, stop that boy!
 Hey!
 Shoplifter!
 Hey! Hey, kid!
 Come back here!
 Stop it, will you?
 Come here.
 'm a criminal.
 What's so funny?
 What's so funny?
 Why are you laughing?
 You did it again.
 You left the water running.
 Why do you do that?
 I told you nat to do i
 - I's our calling card.
 - Calling card.
 All the great ones leave their mark
 We're the wet bandits.
 You're sick, you know?
 You're really sick.
 I'm not sick.
 No, not this time, you little brat.
 You little creep, where are you?
 Some don't.
 Yes!
 is head off.
 But they gat nude beaches.
 Not in the winter.
 You're dead, kid.
 Where are you, you little creep?!
 Hary, I'm coming in!
 Oh, no! I'm really scared.
 Don't you know how to knock,
 phlegm wad?
 Can I sloep here?
 I don't want to sleap with Fuller.
 If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
 H's too late for you, kid, we're
 in the house. We're gonna get you.
 Okay, come and get me!
 Why, you.
 Now you're dead!
 f'm gonna kill that kid!
 Why'd you take your shoes off?
 Why are you dressed like a chicken?
 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
 if you were growing on my ass.
 Check it aut.
 Old man Marlay.
 Who's he?
 You ever heard of the South Bend
 Shovel Slayer?
 That's him.
 In '58 he murdered his whole family
 and half the people on his block.
 I'm up here, you morons.
 Come and get me.
 You guys give up, or are you
 thirsty for more?
 Heads up!
 Don't worry.
 with a snow shovel.
 n hiding out
 in this neighborhood ever since.
 If he's the shavel slayer,
 how come the cops don't arrest him?
 Not enough evidence to convict.
 They never found the bodies.
 Everyone around here knows he did it.
 HIl just be a matter of time..
 ..before he does it again.
 What's he doing?
 Ben
 Marv.
 - Yes, you are
 IH's a sick thing to do.
 ril get him for you.
 Yes!
 - We don't need that.
 He's only a kid, Harry.
 - Don't tel me.
 I can do it if I want to
 It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
 Heyl Hey!
 You've gotta watch for traffic.
 - Sorry.
 We can take him.
 Ah, shut up, will you?
 What is it?
 You're missing some teeth
 Where? It's my gold tooth.
 My gold tooth. I'l kill him.
 He walks up and down the stroets
 every night.
 --salting the sidewaks.
 Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
 No way.
 See that garbage can ful of salt?
 That's where he keeps his victims.
 The salt tums the bodies
 - Damn.
 rIl kill him!
 Santy don't visit
 the funeral homes, buddy.
 Okay, okay
 Merry Christmas.
 What's the matter?
 I don't like the way
 You bomb me with
 e can, kid
 .and l snap off your cojanes
 one more a
 and boil them in motor ail!
 911 emergency.
 Hello, my house is being robbed.
 that kid looked at me.
 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
 My name is Murphy.
 into mummies.
 Ever seen him before?
 -I saw a hundred kids this week
 Let's see what house he goes into.
 Why's he going faster?
 I told you something's wrong.
 He looked at me weird.
 Why would he run?
 Maybe he went in the church.
 I'm not going in there.
 - Me neither
 Let's get aut of here.
 When those guys come back,
 ni be ready.
 Did they come back?
 From Paris?
 We'l come back tomorrow.
 Mummies!
 You never know what's up there.
 Look out!
 How you kids doing?
 There he is!
 I got you! I got him, Harry.
 I got him.
 Harry, give me a hand!
 I got him!
 Harry, help me. Get up!
 I got him.
 What are you doing?
 Harry, don't move.
 Don't move.
 Marv, what are you doing?
 Did I get him?
 Did I get him?!
 Good?
 Lot of action around here today, huh?
 Going on vacation?
 Where you going?
 You hear me, or what?
 Going on a trip?
 Where you going, kid?
 Okay, that's $122.50.
 Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
 You just around for the holidays?
 You could say that.
 Pizza's here!
 Where is it? Where is it?
 Maybe they'll be gone.
 We better go before somebody soes us
 - There you go.
 That's $122.50.
 Never mind that. Here!
 How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
 Get that kid, before L.
 Get that kidt
 Where'd he go?
 Maybe he committed suicide.
 Down here, you big horse's ass!
 Come get me before I call the police.
 - Lat's get him!
 -Wait, wait.
 It's my brather's house.
 He'll get it
 Hey, listen.
 -Are you Mr. McCallister?
 - Yeah.
 Look what I found in the kitchen
 Frank, those are for later.
 Do you want a ittla shrimp. huh?
 Do you speak English?
 Well, in there.
 Did you get anybody?
 -I am looking for my son!
 No, I can't find anybody.
 They're all shopping.
 Nobody's home for the holidays.
 Never mind, forget it.
 - This is so pointless.
 The Mr. MoCallister who lives here?
 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50
 rd ike a word with you.
 Am I under arrest or something?
 There's always a lot of burglaries
 around the holidays.
 We're checking the neighborhood to see
 if the proper precautions are taken.
 We have automatic timers for our
 lights, locks for our doors
 It's just what he wants us to do
 Go back through his fun house
 so we get all tore up.
 He's gonna call
 From a tree house?!
 胁 褋芯褉械!
 -What?
 Come on,
 We're here rotting in this apartment.
 Kavin's at home.
 Mom's at the airport.
 Out the window?
 That's about as well
 I'm not going out the window.
 Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
 Come on, get aut hare.
 as anybody can do.
 Did you get some eggnog?
 Come on
 So?
 -You're not worried about Kevin?
 Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk
 and now he caught it in the butt.
 He's so little and halpless.
 Don't you think he's freaked?
 The trout can use a couple of days
 Come on.
 Let's eat
 Come on!
 -Come on. Keep
 Let's go back, Harry.
 Come on
 -Eggnog?
 - Pizza!
 - Aro you gonna be leaving.?
 in the real world.
 Hey, guys!
 Check this out.
 - Pizza!
 You're not worried
 something might happen?
 No. For three reasons:
 A I'm not that lucky
 Grab a napkin
 Go back. Go back.
 and pour your own drinks
 - Does Santa go through oustoms?
 -What time do we have to go to bed?
 Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
 On the button.
 I hope you're all drinking milk.
 I want to get rid of it
 -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip.
 For pizza?
 There he is!
 Hey, Im calling the cops!
 Wait, wait!
 Two: We have smoke detectors.
 .and D: We live in the most boring
 street in the United States..
 He wants us to follow him.
 I got a better idea, Come on.
 Hiya, pal.
 We outsmarted you this time.
 ..where nothing even remotely
 dangerous will ever happen. Period.
 Who is it?
 Get aver here!
 It's Little Nero's.
 What are you gorna do, Harry?
 l do exactly what he did to us.
 Burn his head with a blowtorch
 I have your pizza.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
 - You've got money.
 Traveler's checks
 and get out of here
 l smash his face with an iron.
 rd ike to slap him
 Forget it, Frank. We have cash
 You probably got the checks
 Okay.
 What about the money?
 What money?
 in the face with a paint can!
 that dan't work in France.
 Shove a nail through his foot!
 I'm gonna bite off every one o
 these little fingers, one at a time.
 Well, you have to pay
 Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
 Yeah. But if you want any.
 somebody's gonna have to barf it up
 because it's gone.
 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
 Kevt Kev, get a plate.
 - Passports!
 sir.
 Is that a fact?
 Come on. Let's get you home.
 Wow! This is great.
 Nice move,
 How much do I owe you?
 That'll be $11.80.
 leaving the water running.
 Now we know each and every house
 that you've hit
 We've been looking for you guys
 for a long time.
 Yeah. Well, remember,
 Keep the change, you filthy animal.
 - Cheapskate.
 - Hey.
 I'm gonna give you
 Watch it!
 No, no. Get these passports
 out of here.
 to the count of ten.
 . to get your ugly. yellow..
 ... no-good keister
 off my property.
 before I pumo you full of lead.
 Are you okay, honey? Come hera.
 Ara you all right?
 What is the matter with you?
 we're the "Wet Bandits."
 - Wet Bandits, thal's W-E-T.
 - Shut up! Get in the car!
 He ate my pizza on purpose.
 He knows I hate sausage and olives
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 Get upstairs now.
 Why?
 One, two... ten.
 Hey, come
 Come on.
 Alovely cheese pizza, just for me
 To Dallas/Forth Worth.
 -Hand off the head, pall!
 Come on
 I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent.
 American Airlines.
 So we have the $500.
 the pocket translator.
 No, you're not
 You're such a disease.
 You're beating yourself up there.
 This happens.
 These things happen, you know.
 You want to tak about bad parents?
 Shut up!
 鈥瀟he two first-class seats
 - Kevin, upstairs!
 Say good night, Kevin.
 - "Good night, Kevin."
 Why do I get treated ike scum?
 Im sorry. This house is just orazy
 thaf's an upgrade.
 Is that a real Rolax?
 -Do you think it is?
 Look at us
 - No
 But who can tell?
 We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year.
 We hardly see our families.
 We've got all these extra kids
 running around.
 My brother's in from Ohio.
 I also have a ring
 Oh, that is beautiful
 They're boarding.
 Joe, over there. Gosh, you know..
 he forgets his kids' names
 half the time.
 Ziggy over there,
 he's never even met his kid.
 Eddy. Let's just hope
 She's offered us two first-class
 How come you didnit bring
 tickets if we go Friday.
 Plus a ring, a watch,
 a pocket trarnslator, $500 and..
 The earrings.
 She's got her own earrings
 A whole shoebax full of them.
 -Come on, come on
 No. but.
 more cheese pizzas?
 Nice tip. Thanks.
 Having a reunion?
 none of them write a book about him.
 Tell me, have you gone on vacation
 nd left your child haome?
 No.
 My husband's brother transferred
 to Paris. His kids are still here.
 He missed the family,
 po he invited us to Paris.
 ...so we'll be together.
 You're taking a trip to Paris?
 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
 But I did leave one
 at a funeral parlor once.
 Im desperate.
 Yeah, it was ternble top
 I'm begging you.
 From a mother to a mother,. Please!
 I was all distraught and everything
 The wife and I, we left the litle
 Excellent. Excellent.
 -Oh, Ed.
 tyke there in the funeral parlo.
 All day. You know, we went
 f you'll excuse me, this one's
 -Please!
 Oh, all right
 "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister
 last year.
 This vear Fd rather have
 a little out of sorts.
 back at night, when we..
 Don't worry about me.
 I spoke to your husband.
 And don't worry about your home.
 Il's in good hands.
 There are 15 people, and only you
 ...came to our senses,
 there he was.
 Apparently, he was there
 some Clay-Doh.
 all day with a corpse.
 I didn't mean it.
 If you come back, Pll never be
 a pain in the butt again.
 I promise. Good night.
 I'm dreaming
 Of a white
 Christmas
 Now, he was okay
 You know, afer six, seven weeks.
 He came around
 and started talking again.
 They get over it.
 have to make trouble.
 I'm getting dumped on
 You're the only one acting up.
 Now get upstairs.
 I am upstairs, dummy!
 Kids are resilient like that.
 We shouldn'E talk about this.
 I was just trying to cheer you up.
 I'm sorry I did.
 Mom?
 The third floor?
 -Go.
 -If's scary up there
 Fulerli be up in
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 Just like the ones
 Iused to know
 Where those treetops glisten
 And children listen
 To hear sleigh bells
 In the snow
 Mom?
 He wets the bed.
 Kevin!
 He'll pee all over me. I know it,
 We'l put him somewhere else.
 Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
 Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
 The snow
 Im sorry.
 t's too late. Get upstairs
 Everyone in this family hates me!
 Then ask Santa for a new family.
 I don't want a new family. I don't
 want any family. Families suck!
 Stay up there. I don't want
 to see you again tonight.
 I don't want to see you
 for the rest of my life.
 Are those microwave dinnors good?
 I don't know.
 Where's everybody else?
 Oh, baby, they couldn't oome.
 They wanted to so much.
 I didn't fal asleep in the back
 and drool all over you, did ?
 - You do drool!
 Shut up!
 Kevin, my boy. How are you?
 You're all right.
 I love you. You okay?
 t's cool that you didn't
 Pl give them a whirl.
 Hold on, I got a coupon for that
 It was in the paper this moming.
 $19.83.
 Okay.
 Are you here all
 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
 yourself?
 I don't want to see
 anybody else either.
 I hope you don't mean that.
 You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up
 and didn't have a family.
 No, I wouldn't.
 Then say it again.
 Maybe itll happen.
 I hope I never see any
 of you jerks again!
 I wish they would all just disappear.
 Where are thay'?
 -I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
 You think I'd be here alone?
 I don't think so.
 Where's your mom?
 In the car.
 Where's your dad?
 -He's at work.
 burn the place down.
 Thanks, Buzz.
 Wait a minute.
 How'd you guys get hame?
 On the moming flight you didn't
 What about brothers and sisters?
 Oh, no. Oh! Thank you
 - Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 Someone has to find an open store.
 I went shopping yesterday.
 You, shopping?
 I got some milk, eggs
 Im an only child.
 Where do you live?
 -I can't tell you.
 Why not?
 -Cause you're a
 Hello, Kevin!
 Peter!
 Shut up!
 I don't get it.
 It looks like there's nobody's homn.
 Last night the place is jumping.
 Something ain't right.
 We slept in!
 Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
 Live across the street.
 You guys going out of bown?
 We're going to Flarida
 Well, first we're going to Missouri
 to pick up my grandma
 and fabric softener.
 What?
 - No kidding?
 What a funny guy.
 What else did you do
 while we were away?
 Just hung around.
 Bring your stuff upstairs.
 He went shopping? He doesn't know haw
 to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
 Honey, what's this?
 Kevinl What did you do
 to my room?
 Go check it aut.
 Now?
 No, tomorrow, egghead!
 Now! Go ahead.
 You know the McCallisters
 are going to France?
 Do you know if it's cold?
 -Do these vans get good mileage?
 - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
 "Now."
 Shit!
 Get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny.
 But what about my money?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had
 some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C.
 Aint in charge no more.
 What do you mean?
 Do a head count.
 Get everyone in the vans.
 Where are the passports?
 I put them in the microwave to dry.
 How fast does this go?
 Does it have automatic transmission?
 Does it have d
 Look, I told you before, kid
 +wheel drive?
 Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
 Line up in front of the van.
 Line up and shut up!
 He's upstairs, taking a bath.
 He'll call you when he gets out
 Hey, I tell you what I'm
 gonna give you, Snakes.
 -Snakes?
 Wow!
 Shut up!
 I need a head caunt.
 One, two, three.
 Eleven, 92, 12.
 - Pl give you to the count of ten..
 ... to get your ugly.
 yellow, no-good.
 .keister off my property..
 before I pump you full of lead.
 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
 Im going
 Buzz, don't be a moron.
 Six, seven, eight.
 .rine, 10, 11
 Okay, half in this van,
 half in this one. Let's go
 Have a good trip.
 Bring me back something Franch.
 There's no way we'll make this plane.
 It leaves in 45 minutes,
 Think positive!
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change, you fithy animal.
 What happened?
 I don't know who, but somebody
 just got blown away.
 Somebady beat us,
 they're in there
 You be positive.
 Il be reaistic.
 Excuse me, your power is fixed.
 .but the phones are a mess.
 HIl take a couple of days to fix..
 .especially around the holidays.
 Two of them.
 There was arguing
 One blew the other one away.
 -Thanks.
 - Who?
 I don't know
 I recognized one of their voices.
 I heard that name "Snakes" before.
 Did you count heads?
 Eleven, including me.
 Five boys, six girls,
 fwo drivers.
 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
 I don't know no Snakes
 Snakes. Lef's get aut of here.
 .and a partridge in a pear tree
 Hold the plane!
 -Did we miss it?
 Hold it. Hold it.
 Let's wait and see who it is.
 We work this neighborhood too
 Suppose the cops finger us
 for a job.
 ...and they ask us about
 a murder in the area.
 You just made
 Single seats only in conch
 Take whatever's fre
 I get a window seat!
 Kids are in coach, we're first class.
 -Seats Four A and B.
 Four A and D, ril take your coats.
 Wouldn't it be nice to have
 Fasten your seat belts.
 -Champagne, please,
 -If's free, isn'Y it?
 Oh, yes
 We made it.
 Do you believe it?
 Hope we didn't forget anything
 a face to go with it?
 That's a good idoa
 Of course it's a good idea.
 Snakes?
 He sounded ike a snake
 Everything's ful.
 Everything's full?
 Im very sorry, but
 Mom?
 That's real. It's real crystal.
 Yeah, so?
 Put them in your purse.
 Frank, I can't do that
 Just. Put them in your pursel
 Yeah. Fil it up.
 Fill it up.
 Fill it up, please.
 Thank you.
 Don't you feel like a heel, flying
 first class with the kids in ooach?
 No. The kids are fine.
 it is Christmas Eve.
 What about another airline?
 Nothing available.
 May I help you get a hotel room?
 Tomorrow we can get you a fight.
 I can't wait that long.
 Im sorry, ma'am, but we're
 doing absolutely everything we can.
 Im in your way. I'm sorry.
 You've places to ga.
 Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me
 Look, I have been awake
 for almost 60 hours.
 The only time I ever f
 in the station wagan, not to France.
 We had to go to Aunt Laura
 I'm tired and I'm dirty.
 I have been from Chicago to Paris,
 to Dallas, to. Where am 1?
 and Uncle Arthur's
 Kids are okay. They're having
 Scranton.
 I'm trying to get home
 to my 8-year-old son.
 Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
 m sorry.
 the time of their lives.
 Hello?
 Mom?
 Dad?
 Where are you guya?
 Buzz?
 Megan?
 Hello?
 No. No way.
 This is Christmas!
 The season of perpetual hope.
 IHI have to get on
 your runway and hitchhike.
 Rod?
 Unole Frank?
 Unale Frank, is this a joke?
 Megan? Linnie?
 Is this a joka?
 H's anly my imagination.
 Only my imagination.
 .if it costs me averything I own..
 if I have to sel my soul
 to the Devil himself.
 .I am going to get home to my son.
 Ma'am, there was anything.
 Do it. Do anything.
 -I can get you a hotel room.
 What?
 Can you excuse us for a sec?
 Can I see you for a second, please?
 The cars are still here.
 They didn't go to the airport!
 I made my family disappear.
 You're completely helpless.
 You know, Kevin.
 you're what the French call
 les incompetents
 Kevin, I'm going to feed you
 to my tarantula
 Kevin, you are such a disease.
 There are 15 people, and you're
 the only or
 Excuse us.
 You got a little bit of a dilemma.
 We got a crisis ourselves.
 Allow me to introduce myself.
 Gus Polinski.
 Polka King of the Midwest?
 The Kenosha Kickers?
 trouble.
 -Hi there.
 - Hiya
 That's okay. I thought you might
 have recognized.
 I had a few hits a fow years ago
 That's why I just.
 "Polka, Polka, Polka"?
 Polka, polka, polka
 "Twin Lakes Polika"?
 "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a.
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 I made my family disappear.
 Im free!
 Wow!
 No clathes on anybody.
 Sickening!
 Coll Firecrackers!
 fll save these for later.
 Buzz, I'm going through
 all your private stuff.
 You better come out and pound mel
 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof
 Who is it?
 ts me. Snakes
 I got the
 Leave it on the doorstop
 and get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny,
 but what about my monay?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist?
 These are songs?
 Yeah. Yeah, we.
 Some fairly big hits for us.
 You know, in the earty "80s
 e sold about 623
 copies of that.
 -In Chicago?
 - No, Sheboygan.
 Very big in Shebaygan.
 Did you say you could help?
 Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
 Our flight was canceled.
 ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy
 in the yellow jacket aver there?
 He's gonna rent us a nice big van
 to drive to Milwaukee.
 Now, I heard you had some problems
 getting to Chicago?
 To see your kid or something?
 Uh, my son. He.
 We left, and he's there.
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more
 Guys, I'm eating junk
 and watching rubbisht
 You batter come out and stop me!
 He'll call you when he gets out.
 rIl tell you what I'm gonna
 give you.
 I'm gonna give you to
 If you have to get to Chicago,
 we'll gladly drive you.
 It's on the way to Milwaukee.
 - You'd give me a ride?
 - Sure, why not?
 a ome.
 the count of ten.
 et your ugly, yellow.
 ... no-good keister off my property.
 before I pump your guts
 full of lead.
 All right, I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 One, two. ten.
 You've got to get h
 -A ride to Chicaga?
 - Sure, its Christmastime.
 Thank you. Oh, thank you.
 You don't mind going with polka bums?
 No, I'd love to.
 Keep the change,
 you fithy animal.
 Mom!
 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
 What's the matter?
 Look at this.
 I think we're getting scammed
 by a kindergartner
 Dad, can you come here
 and help me
 Honey?
 I have a terrible feeling.
 About what?
 That we didn't do something.
 You feel that way because
 we left in a hurry.
 Remember that kid
 we saw the other day?
 of everything.
 He lives here
 We took care
 Did I turn off the coffee?
 If the kid's here,
 the parent's got to be.
 I did.
 Did you lock up?
 He's home alone.
 What? You want to come
 Yeah.
 back tonight?
 Even with the kid here?
 I don't think thaf's a good idea.
 Did you alose the garage?
 That's it.
 I forgat to dlose the garage.
 Thal's it
 That house is the reason
 we worked this block.
 No, that's not it.
 Ever since I saw that house,
 I wanted it.
 Let's take it one step at a time.
 Wel unload the van, get a bite
 What else could we be forgetting?
 螝伪谓in!
 The captain's doing all he can.
 Your phones are out of order.
 Wel call when we land.
 Im sure it's okay.
 to eat, we'l come back about 9:00.
 Nine o'clock.
 This way it's dark then
 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
 Horible, Horible.
 You're afraid of the dark too.
 You know you are.
 Just horrible.
 How could we do this?
 We forgot him.
 We didn't forget him,
 we just miscounted.
 No, I'm not.
 - Yes, you are
 Not, not not.
 You are so.
 Mom, where are you?
 Do you play?
 Do you want to try? Go ahead,
 try it. Try it!
 What kind of mother am 1?
 If it makes you feel any better,
 I forgat my reading giasses.
 Five families gone
 an ane block alone.
 - Excuse me.
 - Yeah?
 Hey, nice shoes.
 Oh, thanks.
 Is he still here? It's really
 important that I sea him.
 He's getting in his car.
 If you hurry, you can catch him.
 How lowl Giving Kriss Kringle
 a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
 What's next, rabies shots
 They all told me from their
 own mouths.
 H's almost too easy.
 Check it out:
 Al the houses with nobody home.
 ...have automatic timers
 an their lights.
 But I got it all figured out.
 Watch this.
 Number 064 will be going on
 right about.
 for the Easter Bunny?
 Wait, wait, wait.
 Santa, hold on
 - Can I talk to you for a minute?
 - Quickly
 Santa's running late.
 I know you're not
 the real Santa Claus.
 Huh, what makes you say that?
 Just out of curiosity.
 - I'm old enough to know how it works.
 All right.
 But I also know you work for him.
 Number 682..
 right now.
 Wait a minute.
 ...now
 And that's the one, Marvin.
 That's the silver tuna.
 t's very G.
 Very G, huh? It's loaded.
 It's got lats of tap-fight goods.
 - Stereos, VCRS.
 - Toys?
 Probably looking at some
 very fine jawelry.
 Possible cash harde.
 - l'd like you to give him a message.
 - Shoot.
 Kevin McCallister, 681
 Do you need the phone number?
 No, that's all right.
 This is extremely important.
 Please tell him instead of presents,
 I just want my family back.
 No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate,
 Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff.
 And my aunt and my cousins.
 And if he has time,
 my Uncle Frank. Okay?
 Okay.
 - Pl see what I can do.
 Thanks.
 Wait. My elf took the last of the
 candy canes home to her boyfriend.
 - That's okay.
 - No, don't be silly.
 Everybody who sees Santa
 has got to get something.
 Here, hold out your little paw there.
 There you go.
 - Don't spoil your dinner.
 -I won't.
 81 Lincoln Blvd.
 Odd marketable securities.
 Who knows? It's a gem.
 Grab your crowbar.
 Crowbars up.
 You're a rotter,
 Mr. Grinch
 You're the king
 Of sinful sots
 Your heart's a dead tomato
 Blotched with moldy purple spots.
 Mr. Grinch
 Which way?
 We'l go around back,
 down the basement.
 - You said they were gone.
 - Thay were gonna leave today.
 Let's get out of here.
 We have to use the phone, please.
 H's an emergency.
 We really have to make a call.
 Please! Our brother's home alone.
 Give us the phone!
 I'm sorry. Thank you.
 I'm calling the police,
 Book us a fight home.
 Get change out of here.
 Call averybody you know.
 Here's my address book. You and Frank
 call everyone an our street.
 Maybe somebody can help us
 Hello? Hello?
 Oh, she'll have to call you back.
 This is ridiculaus.
 Only a wimp would be
 hiding under a bed
 And I can't be a wimp.
 I'm the man of the house.
 Hey, Im not afraid anymore!
 I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
 Do you hear me?
 Im not afraid anymore.
 Village police department.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 rd ike somebody to go there. Tell
 him that we're coming hame to get him.
 Okay, lat me connect you
 with Family Crisis Intervention.
 Thanks
 Son of a.!
 Merry Christmas.
 May I sit down?
 That's my granddaughter.
 The little red-haired girl.
 She's about your age.
 You know her?
 No.
 You live next to me, don't you?
 You can say helo when you see me.
 You dan't have to be afraid.
 There's a lot of things going around
 about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
 You've been good this year?
 I think so.
 You swear to it?
 No.
 Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
 if you're feeling bad about yourself.
 -It is?
 -I think so.
 Are you feeling bad about yoursel?
 -No.
 Ive been kind of a pain lately
 I said some things I shouldn't have.
 I really haven't been
 Hold on.
 Larry, can you pick up?
 There's some hyper lady on hold.
 - What line, Rose?
 - Twa.
 Family Crisis Intervention,
 Sergeant Balzac.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 too good this year.
 Yeah.
 Im kind of upset
 because I really ike my family.
 Even though sametimes I say I don't.
 Sometimes I even think I don't.
 Do you get that?
 I think so.
 How you feel about family
 Has the child been involved in
me_irl

me_irl

ifs: is a complicated thing. Especially with an older brother. Deep down, you'l always love him But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. That's not just because you're young. Where's my suitcase? Miss. Young lady! Exouse me. Girls! Hey, little fella. Hey! Exouse me, girls. Girls! Hey, big fella! Help me make the beds in the living room. violence with a drunk family member? No! Has he been involved in a household accident? I don't know. I hope not Has the child ingested any poison ar is an object lodged in his throat? e real You want to know the r No, he's home alone! l'd like reason why Im here? Sure. Come on down here! somebody to go over to the house. -..and see if he's all right. You want us to go to your house. Hey, san! Big fella. Hey, little guy! Litle guy! Pete's brother and his family are here. Trish is going to Montreal. Montreal? Oh, her family's there. I came to hear my granddaughter sing. I can't come hear her tonight. You have plans? No. just to check on him. Yes! Let me connect you to the police I'm not welcome. They just transferred me. You're always welcome at church. I'm not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family -Rose! - Yeah. - Then we're off. - When? - 袧褍褉e谐. -袧邪ng an -Hold on, please. Tomorrow. moved on the block. You're not ready, are you? -.I had an argument with my son. How old is he? Uncle Frank won't let me - No, please don't hang up. Please! Any luck? -I couldn't get anybody. watch the movie He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said Ididn't care to see him anymore He said the same, and we haven't .but the big kids can. Why can't 17 Im on the phone. - Leslie? Nothing but a bunch of answering machines. Somebady pick up. Pick up! Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and L. We'l send a policeman over to your house to check on your son. There's nobody home. spoken to each other since. do you come back? Not till then? f vou miss him. why don't y Im afraid if I call he won't talk to me. How do you know? I don't know. I'm just afraid. H's not even rated R. vou call him? He's just being a jerk. Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no. ..then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel. Hey, get of Kevin, out of the room. The house looks secure. No offense, but aren't you Tell them to count their kids again. You can't bump somebody or ask or.? There's no way I can do that. Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? If you said it's an emergency. I cannot ask them. She's sending a policeman house. a little old to be afraid? You can be old for a lot of things. Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? This kid. Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? No, I didn't have time. - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. I was afraid of our basement IH's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. That sort of thing. I's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down to do some laundry. ..and I found out ifs not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. What's your point? My point is, you should call your son. -What if he won't talk to me? Dad, nobodyll let me do anything Ive got something, pick up those MicroMachines that are all over. Well, that's a relief. Everything here is booked. Nothing to Chicago? Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. He was playing There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. iih the glue gun again. We talked about that. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made omaments out of fish hooks. - My new fish hooks? -I can't make them out of old anes.. - What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. Friday morn. That's two days away. The kids are exhausted and so are you. There's nothing we can do here. - At least you'l know. Then you could stop worrying about it ..with dry worm guts stuck on them. - Peter. -Come on, Kevin. Out Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? Here's a voltage adapter! God, you're getting heavy! Go pack your suitcase. Pack my suitcase? -Where's the shampoo? -I don't live here This many people here and no shampoo. Are your folks home? - Thay don't live here. - Tracy, did you crder the pizza? - Buzz did. Tsay we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. You won't have to be afraid No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. I don't know Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. Im sure she misses you. And the presents I send her a check. I wish my grandparents did tha They always send me clothes. I'm not leaving here unless airplane it's o Madame, we are doing everything we can. to stay at the airport. If you want maybe we can get you on standby. It is a possibility that a seat will open up. - Is that okay? Last year I got a sv a sweater Il miss you, honey. Don't you get lost. Goodbye I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap. Including all my major crevices. .between my toes and in my belly button. .which I never did before but enjayed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. I can't find my toothbrush, so l'll pick one up today. Other than that, Im in good shape. All right! Buzz's life savings. I thought the Murphys went to Florida. You're ane of the great cat burglars of the world. You think you can keep it with a bird knitted on it. Oh, that's nice. Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing samething like that I have a friend who got nailed. ..because there was a rumor Excuse me. Are your parents here? My parents live in Paris. -Hi! - Hi! - Are your parents home? Yeah. he wore dinosaur pajamas You better run home where you belong. - Do they live here? -No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. I don't know how to pack a suitcase. Think about what I said. -All right? - Okay. H's nice talking to you. Nice talking to you. Ive never done it once. - Me? - Tough. - That's what Megan said. What did I say? You told him "Tough." The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, yau're an idiot? Yeah. You and your son. We'l see what happens Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. This is my house. I have to defend it. We'l check it out down a little in there? - I'm not an idiot! You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. This is Peter McCalister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. Let me give you the number here The country code is 33. The area code is 1-4 and the number is 694-876. - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? Realy? You're helpless! We have to do everything for you. - She's right, Kev. Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. I don't know how to pack -I hope you didn't just pack arap. - Shut up, Linnie. We can come back for the truck. How do you want to go in? We'l go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. Bless this nutritious, microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner. ...and the people who sold You know what I should pack? Buzz told you, cheek-face. Tailet paper and water. What are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna it on sale. This is it. Dont Merry Christmas, little fe That house we ran last night, t get scared now. was that the MoCalister's? - Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. -I knew they were. -Siver tuna tonight We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. H's Santy Claus and his elf. We're nat gonna hurt you. pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call les incompetents. Wow How may I help you? Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon. Can you please find out? -Herb. What? Bombs away! S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. This house is so full of people No, no. Gat some nice presents for you. Be a good little fella now and open the dor. What? What? What? P.S. What? What happened? -Get that little. it makes me sick! Yeah? When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! I'm living alone! Who's gonna feed your spider? He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits? I got a question here about a toothbrush. Hello. Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? I don't know. Oh, hon, you pay for that here. Wait, you have to pay for that. Yes! Yes! The little jerk is armed! That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! Oh, boy. That's it, you little. Son! Son! You little.. Jimmy, stop that boy! Hey! Shoplifter! Hey! Hey, kid! Come back here! Stop it, will you? Come here. 'm a criminal. What's so funny? What's so funny? Why are you laughing? You did it again. You left the water running. Why do you do that? I told you nat to do i - I's our calling card. - Calling card. All the great ones leave their mark We're the wet bandits. You're sick, you know? You're really sick. I'm not sick. No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you? Some don't. Yes! is head off. But they gat nude beaches. Not in the winter. You're dead, kid. Where are you, you little creep?! Hary, I'm coming in! Oh, no! I'm really scared. Don't you know how to knock, phlegm wad? Can I sloep here? I don't want to sleap with Fuller. If he drinks, he'll wet the bed. H's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. Okay, come and get me! Why, you. Now you're dead! f'm gonna kill that kid! Why'd you take your shoes off? Why are you dressed like a chicken? I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. Check it aut. Old man Marlay. Who's he? You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That's him. In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block. I'm up here, you morons. Come and get me. You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? Heads up! Don't worry. with a snow shovel. n hiding out in this neighborhood ever since. If he's the shavel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. Everyone around here knows he did it. HIl just be a matter of time.. ..before he does it again. What's he doing? Ben Marv. - Yes, you are IH's a sick thing to do. ril get him for you. Yes! - We don't need that. He's only a kid, Harry. - Don't tel me. I can do it if I want to It's not sick. Hey, watch out! Heyl Hey! You've gotta watch for traffic. - Sorry. We can take him. Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? You're missing some teeth Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'l kill him. He walks up and down the stroets every night. --salting the sidewaks. Maybe he's just trying to be nice. No way. See that garbage can ful of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt tums the bodies - Damn. rIl kill him! Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. Okay, okay Merry Christmas. What's the matter? I don't like the way You bomb me with e can, kid .and l snap off your cojanes one more a and boil them in motor ail! 911 emergency. Hello, my house is being robbed. that kid looked at me. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. into mummies. Ever seen him before? -I saw a hundred kids this week Let's see what house he goes into. Why's he going faster? I told you something's wrong. He looked at me weird. Why would he run? Maybe he went in the church. I'm not going in there. - Me neither Let's get aut of here. When those guys come back, ni be ready. Did they come back? From Paris? We'l come back tomorrow. Mummies! You never know what's up there. Look out! How you kids doing? There he is! I got you! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me. Get up! I got him. What are you doing? Harry, don't move. Don't move. Marv, what are you doing? Did I get him? Did I get him?! Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where you going? You hear me, or what? Going on a trip? Where you going, kid? Okay, that's $122.50. Not from me, kid. I don't live here. You just around for the holidays? You could say that. Pizza's here! Where is it? Where is it? Maybe they'll be gone. We better go before somebody soes us - There you go. That's $122.50. Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! Get that kid, before L. Get that kidt Where'd he go? Maybe he committed suicide. Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. - Lat's get him! -Wait, wait. It's my brather's house. He'll get it Hey, listen. -Are you Mr. McCallister? - Yeah. Look what I found in the kitchen Frank, those are for later. Do you want a ittla shrimp. huh? Do you speak English? Well, in there. Did you get anybody? -I am looking for my son! No, I can't find anybody. They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. Never mind, forget it. - This is so pointless. The Mr. MoCallister who lives here? Good, because somebody owes me $122.50 rd ike a word with you. Am I under arrest or something? There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. We have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors It's just what he wants us to do Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. He's gonna call From a tree house?! 胁 褋芯褉械! -What? Come on, We're here rotting in this apartment. Kavin's at home. Mom's at the airport. Out the window? That's about as well I'm not going out the window. Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get aut hare. as anybody can do. Did you get some eggnog? Come on So? -You're not worried about Kevin? Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. He's so little and halpless. Don't you think he's freaked? The trout can use a couple of days Come on. Let's eat Come on! -Come on. Keep Let's go back, Harry. Come on -Eggnog? - Pizza! - Aro you gonna be leaving.? in the real world. Hey, guys! Check this out. - Pizza! You're not worried something might happen? No. For three reasons: A I'm not that lucky Grab a napkin Go back. Go back. and pour your own drinks - Does Santa go through oustoms? -What time do we have to go to bed? Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip. For pizza? There he is! Hey, Im calling the cops! Wait, wait! Two: We have smoke detectors. .and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States.. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea, Come on. Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. ..where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period. Who is it? Get aver here! It's Little Nero's. What are you gorna do, Harry? l do exactly what he did to us. Burn his head with a blowtorch I have your pizza. Leave it on the doorstep Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. - You've got money. Traveler's checks and get out of here l smash his face with an iron. rd ike to slap him Forget it, Frank. We have cash You probably got the checks Okay. What about the money? What money? in the face with a paint can! that dan't work in France. Shove a nail through his foot! I'm gonna bite off every one o these little fingers, one at a time. Well, you have to pay Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Yeah. But if you want any. somebody's gonna have to barf it up because it's gone. Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. Kevt Kev, get a plate. - Passports! sir. Is that a fact? Come on. Let's get you home. Wow! This is great. Nice move, How much do I owe you? That'll be $11.80. leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit We've been looking for you guys for a long time. Yeah. Well, remember, Keep the change, you filthy animal. - Cheapskate. - Hey. I'm gonna give you Watch it! No, no. Get these passports out of here. to the count of ten. . to get your ugly. yellow.. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pumo you full of lead. Are you okay, honey? Come hera. Ara you all right? What is the matter with you? we're the "Wet Bandits." - Wet Bandits, thal's W-E-T. - Shut up! Get in the car! He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives Look what you did, you little jerk! Get upstairs now. Why? One, two... ten. Hey, come Come on. Alovely cheese pizza, just for me To Dallas/Forth Worth. -Hand off the head, pall! Come on I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent. American Airlines. So we have the $500. the pocket translator. No, you're not You're such a disease. You're beating yourself up there. This happens. These things happen, you know. You want to tak about bad parents? Shut up! 鈥瀟he two first-class seats - Kevin, upstairs! Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night, Kevin." Why do I get treated ike scum? Im sorry. This house is just orazy thaf's an upgrade. Is that a real Rolax? -Do you think it is? Look at us - No But who can tell? We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year. We hardly see our families. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother's in from Ohio. I also have a ring Oh, that is beautiful They're boarding. Joe, over there. Gosh, you know.. he forgets his kids' names half the time. Ziggy over there, he's never even met his kid. Eddy. Let's just hope She's offered us two first-class How come you didnit bring tickets if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket trarnslator, $500 and.. The earrings. She's got her own earrings A whole shoebax full of them. -Come on, come on No. but. more cheese pizzas? Nice tip. Thanks. Having a reunion? none of them write a book about him. Tell me, have you gone on vacation nd left your child haome? No. My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. He missed the family, po he invited us to Paris. ...so we'll be together. You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. Im desperate. Yeah, it was ternble top I'm begging you. From a mother to a mother,. Please! I was all distraught and everything The wife and I, we left the litle Excellent. Excellent. -Oh, Ed. tyke there in the funeral parlo. All day. You know, we went f you'll excuse me, this one's -Please! Oh, all right "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister last year. This vear Fd rather have a little out of sorts. back at night, when we.. Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. And don't worry about your home. Il's in good hands. There are 15 people, and only you ...came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there some Clay-Doh. all day with a corpse. I didn't mean it. If you come back, Pll never be a pain in the butt again. I promise. Good night. I'm dreaming Of a white Christmas Now, he was okay You know, afer six, seven weeks. He came around and started talking again. They get over it. have to make trouble. I'm getting dumped on You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy! Kids are resilient like that. We shouldn'E talk about this. I was just trying to cheer you up. I'm sorry I did. Mom? The third floor? -Go. -If's scary up there Fulerli be up in I don't want to sleep with Fuller. Just like the ones Iused to know Where those treetops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells In the snow Mom? He wets the bed. Kevin! He'll pee all over me. I know it, We'l put him somewhere else. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. The snow Im sorry. t's too late. Get upstairs Everyone in this family hates me! Then ask Santa for a new family. I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! Stay up there. I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. Are those microwave dinnors good? I don't know. Where's everybody else? Oh, baby, they couldn't oome. They wanted to so much. I didn't fal asleep in the back and drool all over you, did ? - You do drool! Shut up! Kevin, my boy. How are you? You're all right. I love you. You okay? t's cool that you didn't Pl give them a whirl. Hold on, I got a coupon for that It was in the paper this moming. $19.83. Okay. Are you here all Ma'am, I'm 8 years old. yourself? I don't want to see anybody else either. I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up and didn't have a family. No, I wouldn't. Then say it again. Maybe itll happen. I hope I never see any of you jerks again! I wish they would all just disappear. Where are thay'? -I don't know. She said 8 sharp. You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. Where's your mom? In the car. Where's your dad? -He's at work. burn the place down. Thanks, Buzz. Wait a minute. How'd you guys get hame? On the moming flight you didn't What about brothers and sisters? Oh, no. Oh! Thank you - Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Someone has to find an open store. I went shopping yesterday. You, shopping? I got some milk, eggs Im an only child. Where do you live? -I can't tell you. Why not? -Cause you're a Hello, Kevin! Peter! Shut up! I don't get it. It looks like there's nobody's homn. Last night the place is jumping. Something ain't right. We slept in! Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. Live across the street. You guys going out of bown? We're going to Flarida Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma and fabric softener. What? - No kidding? What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? Just hung around. Bring your stuff upstairs. He went shopping? He doesn't know haw to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? Honey, what's this? Kevinl What did you do to my room? Go check it aut. Now? No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. You know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold? -Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! "Now." Shit! Get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny. But what about my money? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Aint in charge no more. What do you mean? Do a head count. Get everyone in the vans. Where are the passports? I put them in the microwave to dry. How fast does this go? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have d Look, I told you before, kid +wheel drive? Don't bother me. Now, beat it! Line up in front of the van. Line up and shut up! He's upstairs, taking a bath. He'll call you when he gets out Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. -Snakes? Wow! Shut up! I need a head caunt. One, two, three. Eleven, 92, 12. - Pl give you to the count of ten.. ... to get your ugly. yellow, no-good. .keister off my property.. before I pump you full of lead. All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. Im going Buzz, don't be a moron. Six, seven, eight. .rine, 10, 11 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go Have a good trip. Bring me back something Franch. There's no way we'll make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes, Think positive! One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. What happened? I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. Somebady beat us, they're in there You be positive. Il be reaistic. Excuse me, your power is fixed. .but the phones are a mess. HIl take a couple of days to fix.. .especially around the holidays. Two of them. There was arguing One blew the other one away. -Thanks. - Who? I don't know I recognized one of their voices. I heard that name "Snakes" before. Did you count heads? Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, fwo drivers. Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes Snakes. Lef's get aut of here. .and a partridge in a pear tree Hold the plane! -Did we miss it? Hold it. Hold it. Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too Suppose the cops finger us for a job. ...and they ask us about a murder in the area. You just made Single seats only in conch Take whatever's fre I get a window seat! Kids are in coach, we're first class. -Seats Four A and B. Four A and D, ril take your coats. Wouldn't it be nice to have Fasten your seat belts. -Champagne, please, -If's free, isn'Y it? Oh, yes We made it. Do you believe it? Hope we didn't forget anything a face to go with it? That's a good idoa Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? He sounded ike a snake Everything's ful. Everything's full? Im very sorry, but Mom? That's real. It's real crystal. Yeah, so? Put them in your purse. Frank, I can't do that Just. Put them in your pursel Yeah. Fil it up. Fill it up. Fill it up, please. Thank you. Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in ooach? No. The kids are fine. it is Christmas Eve. What about another airline? Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? Tomorrow we can get you a fight. I can't wait that long. Im sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. Im in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to ga. Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. The only time I ever f in the station wagan, not to France. We had to go to Aunt Laura I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris, to Dallas, to. Where am 1? and Uncle Arthur's Kids are okay. They're having Scranton. I'm trying to get home to my 8-year-old son. Now you're telling me it's hopeless? m sorry. the time of their lives. Hello? Mom? Dad? Where are you guya? Buzz? Megan? Hello? No. No way. This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope. IHI have to get on your runway and hitchhike. Rod? Unole Frank? Unale Frank, is this a joke? Megan? Linnie? Is this a joka? H's anly my imagination. Only my imagination. .if it costs me averything I own.. if I have to sel my soul to the Devil himself. .I am going to get home to my son. Ma'am, there was anything. Do it. Do anything. -I can get you a hotel room. What? Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a second, please? The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! I made my family disappear. You're completely helpless. You know, Kevin. you're what the French call les incompetents Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula Kevin, you are such a disease. There are 15 people, and you're the only or Excuse us. You got a little bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? trouble. -Hi there. - Hiya That's okay. I thought you might have recognized. I had a few hits a fow years ago That's why I just. "Polka, Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka "Twin Lakes Polika"? "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a. Look what you did, you little jerk! I made my family disappear. Im free! Wow! No clathes on anybody. Sickening! Coll Firecrackers! fll save these for later. Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. You better come out and pound mel Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof Who is it? ts me. Snakes I got the Leave it on the doorstop and get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny, but what about my monay? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist? These are songs? Yeah. Yeah, we. Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the earty "80s e sold about 623 copies of that. -In Chicago? - No, Sheboygan. Very big in Shebaygan. Did you say you could help? Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled. ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket aver there? He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? To see your kid or something? Uh, my son. He. We left, and he's there. How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbisht You batter come out and stop me! He'll call you when he gets out. rIl tell you what I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you to If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee. - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? a ome. the count of ten. et your ugly, yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pump your guts full of lead. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going. One, two. ten. You've got to get h -A ride to Chicaga? - Sure, its Christmastime. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You don't mind going with polka bums? No, I'd love to. Keep the change, you fithy animal. Mom! Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv! What's the matter? Look at this. I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner Dad, can you come here and help me Honey? I have a terrible feeling. About what? That we didn't do something. You feel that way because we left in a hurry. Remember that kid we saw the other day? of everything. He lives here We took care Did I turn off the coffee? If the kid's here, the parent's got to be. I did. Did you lock up? He's home alone. What? You want to come Yeah. back tonight? Even with the kid here? I don't think thaf's a good idea. Did you alose the garage? That's it. I forgat to dlose the garage. Thal's it That house is the reason we worked this block. No, that's not it. Ever since I saw that house, I wanted it. Let's take it one step at a time. Wel unload the van, get a bite What else could we be forgetting? 螝伪谓in! The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. Wel call when we land. Im sure it's okay. to eat, we'l come back about 9:00. Nine o'clock. This way it's dark then Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. Horible, Horible. You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. Just horrible. How could we do this? We forgot him. We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are Not, not not. You are so. Mom, where are you? Do you play? Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! What kind of mother am 1? If it makes you feel any better, I forgat my reading giasses. Five families gone an ane block alone. - Excuse me. - Yeah? Hey, nice shoes. Oh, thanks. Is he still here? It's really important that I sea him. He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. How lowl Giving Kriss Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots They all told me from their own mouths. H's almost too easy. Check it out: Al the houses with nobody home. ...have automatic timers an their lights. But I got it all figured out. Watch this. Number 064 will be going on right about. for the Easter Bunny? Wait, wait, wait. Santa, hold on - Can I talk to you for a minute? - Quickly Santa's running late. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiosity. - I'm old enough to know how it works. All right. But I also know you work for him. Number 682.. right now. Wait a minute. ...now And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. t's very G. Very G, huh? It's loaded. It's got lats of tap-fight goods. - Stereos, VCRS. - Toys? Probably looking at some very fine jawelry. Possible cash harde. - l'd like you to give him a message. - Shoot. Kevin McCallister, 681 Do you need the phone number? No, that's all right. This is extremely important. Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? Okay. - Pl see what I can do. Thanks. Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa has got to get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. - Don't spoil your dinner. -I won't. 81 Lincoln Blvd. Odd marketable securities. Who knows? It's a gem. Grab your crowbar. Crowbars up. You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king Of sinful sots Your heart's a dead tomato Blotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Grinch Which way? We'l go around back, down the basement. - You said they were gone. - Thay were gonna leave today. Let's get out of here. We have to use the phone, please. H's an emergency. We really have to make a call. Please! Our brother's home alone. Give us the phone! I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm calling the police, Book us a fight home. Get change out of here. Call averybody you know. Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone an our street. Maybe somebody can help us Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. This is ridiculaus. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. Hey, Im not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? Im not afraid anymore. Village police department. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. rd ike somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming hame to get him. Okay, lat me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. Thanks Son of a.! Merry Christmas. May I sit down? That's my granddaughter. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. You know her? No. You live next to me, don't you? You can say helo when you see me. You dan't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? You've been good this year? I think so. You swear to it? No. Yeah. Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. -It is? -I think so. Are you feeling bad about yoursel? -No. Ive been kind of a pain lately I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been Hold on. Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. - What line, Rose? - Twa. Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. too good this year. Yeah. Im kind of upset because I really ike my family. Even though sametimes I say I don't. Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? I think so. How you feel about family Has the child been involved in There is no Christmas without Home alone
ifs: is a complicated thing.
 Especially with an older brother.
 Deep down, you'l always love him
 But you can forget that you love him.
 You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
 That's not just because you're young.
 Where's my suitcase?
 Miss. Young lady!
 Exouse me. Girls!
 Hey, little fella. Hey!
 Exouse me, girls. Girls!
 Hey, big fella!
 Help me make the beds
 in the living room.
 violence with a drunk family member?
 No!
 Has he been involved
 in a household accident?
 I don't know. I hope not
 Has the child ingested any poison
 ar is an object lodged in his throat?
 e real
 You want to know the r
 No, he's home alone! l'd like
 reason why Im here?
 Sure.
 Come on down here!
 somebody to go over to the house.
 -..and see if he's all right.
 You want us to go to your house.
 Hey, san!
 Big fella.
 Hey, little guy! Litle guy!
 Pete's brother
 and his family are here.
 Trish is going to Montreal.
 Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
 I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
 I can't come hear her tonight.
 You have plans?
 No.
 just to check on him.
 Yes!
 Let me connect you to the police
 I'm not welcome.
 They just transferred me.
 You're always welcome at church.
 I'm not welcome with my son.
 Years back, before you and your family
 -Rose!
 - Yeah.
 - Then we're off.
 - When?
 - 袧褍褉e谐.
 -袧邪ng an
 -Hold on, please.
 Tomorrow.
 moved on the block.
 You're not ready, are you?
 -.I had an argument with my son.
 How old is he?
 Uncle Frank won't let me
 - No, please don't hang up. Please!
 Any luck?
 -I couldn't get anybody.
 watch the movie
 He's grown up.
 We lost our tempers, and I said
 Ididn't care to see him anymore
 He said the same, and we haven't
 .but the big kids can.
 Why can't 17
 Im on the phone.
 - Leslie?
 Nothing but a bunch
 of answering machines.
 Somebady pick up. Pick up!
 Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again.
 Look, I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone, and L.
 We'l send a policeman over
 to your house to check on your son.
 There's nobody home.
 spoken to each other since.
 do you come back?
 Not till then?
 f vou miss him.
 why don't y
 Im afraid if I call
 he won't talk to me.
 How do you know?
 I don't know.
 I'm just afraid.
 H's not even rated R.
 vou call him?
 He's just being a jerk.
 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no.
 ..then it must be really bad.
 No, we put the dog in the kennel.
 Hey, get of
 Kevin, out of the room.
 The house looks secure.
 No offense, but aren't you
 Tell them to count their kids again.
 You can't bump somebody or ask or.?
 There's no way I can do that.
 Isn't there a way
 if you ask somebody?
 If you said it's an emergency.
 I cannot ask them.
 She's sending a policeman
 house.
 a little old to be afraid?
 You can be old for a lot of things.
 Hang up the phone and make me,
 why don't you?
 This kid.
 Did you pick up
 a voltage adaptor thing?
 No, I didn't have time.
 - Then how do I shave in France?
 - Grow a goatee.
 You're never too old to be afraid.
 - That's true.
 I was afraid of our basement
 IH's dark. There's weird stuff
 down there, and it smells funny.
 That sort of thing.
 I's bothered me for years.
 Basements are like that.
 I made myself go down
 to do some laundry.
 ..and I found out ifs not so bad.
 I worried about it, but if you
 turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
 What's your point?
 My point is,
 you should call your son.
 -What if he won't talk to me?
 Dad, nobodyll let me do anything
 Ive got something, pick up those
 MicroMachines that are all over.
 Well, that's a relief.
 Everything here is booked.
 Nothing to Chicago?
 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
 He was playing
 There's nothing to Chicago,
 New York, Nashville.
 iih the glue gun again.
 We talked about that.
 Did I burn down the joint?
 I don't think so.
 I made omaments out of fish hooks.
 - My new fish hooks?
 -I can't make them out of old anes..
 - What about a private plane?
 - Sorry. We don't do that.
 The only thing is a booking
 for us on Friday morning.
 Friday morn. That's two days away.
 The kids are exhausted and so are you.
 There's nothing we can do here.
 - At least you'l know.
 Then you could stop worrying about it
 ..with dry worm guts stuck on them.
 - Peter.
 -Come on, Kevin. Out
 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
 Here's a voltage adapter!
 God, you're getting heavy!
 Go pack your suitcase.
 Pack my suitcase?
 -Where's the shampoo?
 -I don't live here
 This many people here and no shampoo.
 Are your folks home?
 - Thay don't live here.
 - Tracy, did you crder the pizza?
 - Buzz did.
 Tsay we go over to Rob's, and that
 way we can call the police again.
 You won't have to be afraid
 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
 Dad. Especially around the holidays.
 I don't know
 Just give it a shot.
 For your granddaughter anyway.
 Im sure she misses you.
 And the presents
 I send her a check.
 I wish my grandparents did tha
 They always send me clothes.
 I'm not leaving here unless
 airplane
 it's o
 Madame, we are doing
 everything we can.
 to stay at the airport.
 If you want
 maybe we can get you on standby.
 It is a possibility
 that a seat will open up.
 - Is that okay?
 Last year I got a sv
 a sweater
 Il miss you, honey.
 Don't you get lost.
 Goodbye
 I took a shower, washing every
 body part with actual soap.
 Including all my major crevices.
 .between my toes
 and in my belly button.
 .which I never did before
 but enjayed.
 I washed my hair with adult formula
 shampoo and used creme rinse.
 I can't find my toothbrush,
 so l'll pick one up today.
 Other than that, Im in good shape.
 All right! Buzz's life savings.
 I thought the Murphys
 went to Florida.
 You're ane of the great
 cat burglars of the world.
 You think you can keep it
 with a bird knitted on it.
 Oh, that's nice.
 Not for a guy in the second grade.
 You can get beat up for wearing
 samething like that
 I have a friend who got nailed.
 ..because there was a rumor
 Excuse me. Are your parents here?
 My parents live in Paris.
 -Hi!
 - Hi!
 - Are your parents home?
 Yeah.
 he wore dinosaur pajamas
 You better run home where you belong.
 - Do they live here?
 -No.
 Why should they?
 All kids, no parents.
 Probably a fancy orphanage.
 I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
 Think about what I said.
 -All right?
 - Okay.
 H's nice talking to you.
 Nice talking to you.
 Ive never done it once.
 - Me?
 - Tough.
 - That's what Megan said.
 What did I say?
 You told him "Tough."
 The dope was whining about a suitcase.
 What was I supposed to say?
 "Congratulations, yau're an idiot?
 Yeah. You and your son.
 We'l see what happens
 Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 This is my house.
 I have to defend it.
 We'l check it out
 down a little in there?
 - I'm not an idiot!
 You've reached the Murphy's.
 Please leave a message after the beep.
 This is Peter McCalister again.
 We're in Paris at my brother's.
 Let me give you the number here
 The country code is 33.
 The area code is 1-4 and the number
 is 694-876.
 - Hey, Harry.
 - Yeah?
 Realy?
 You're helpless! We have to do
 everything for you.
 - She's right, Kev.
 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
 I don't know how to pack
 -I hope you didn't just pack arap.
 - Shut up, Linnie.
 We can come back for the truck.
 How do you want to go in?
 We'l go to the back door.
 Maybe he'll let us in.
 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
 macaroni and cheese dinner.
 ...and the people who sold
 You know what I should pack?
 Buzz told you, cheek-face.
 Tailet paper and water.
 What are you so worried about?
 You know Mom's gonna
 it on sale.
 This is it. Dont
 Merry Christmas, little fe
 That house we ran last night,
 t get scared now.
 was that the MoCalister's?
 - Call me in Paris.
 - You're right. They're gone.
 -I knew they were.
 -Siver tuna tonight
 We know that you're in there,
 and that you're all alone.
 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
 H's Santy Claus and his elf.
 We're nat gonna hurt you.
 pack your stuff, anyway.
 You're what the French call
 les incompetents.
 Wow
 How may I help you?
 Is this toothbrush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 Well, I don't know.
 It doesn't say, hon.
 Can you please find out?
 -Herb.
 What?
 Bombs away!
 S. You have to sleep
 on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
 If he has something to drink,
 he'll wet the bed.
 This house is so full of people
 No, no. Gat some nice
 presents for you.
 Be a good little fella now
 and open the dor.
 What?
 What? What?
 P.S.
 What?
 What happened?
 -Get that little.
 it makes me sick!
 Yeah?
 When I grow up and get married,
 I'm living alone!
 Did you hear me?
 I'm living alone!
 I'm living alone!
 Who's gonna feed your spider?
 He just ate a load of mice guts.
 He'll be good for a couple weeks.
 Is it true French babes
 don't shave their pits?
 I got a question here
 about a toothbrush.
 Hello.
 Do you know, is this brush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 I don't know.
 Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
 Wait, you have to pay for that.
 Yes! Yes!
 The little jerk is armed!
 That's it! I'm going in the front.
 You go down the basement!
 Oh, boy. That's it, you little.
 Son! Son!
 You little..
 Jimmy, stop that boy!
 Hey!
 Shoplifter!
 Hey! Hey, kid!
 Come back here!
 Stop it, will you?
 Come here.
 'm a criminal.
 What's so funny?
 What's so funny?
 Why are you laughing?
 You did it again.
 You left the water running.
 Why do you do that?
 I told you nat to do i
 - I's our calling card.
 - Calling card.
 All the great ones leave their mark
 We're the wet bandits.
 You're sick, you know?
 You're really sick.
 I'm not sick.
 No, not this time, you little brat.
 You little creep, where are you?
 Some don't.
 Yes!
 is head off.
 But they gat nude beaches.
 Not in the winter.
 You're dead, kid.
 Where are you, you little creep?!
 Hary, I'm coming in!
 Oh, no! I'm really scared.
 Don't you know how to knock,
 phlegm wad?
 Can I sloep here?
 I don't want to sleap with Fuller.
 If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
 H's too late for you, kid, we're
 in the house. We're gonna get you.
 Okay, come and get me!
 Why, you.
 Now you're dead!
 f'm gonna kill that kid!
 Why'd you take your shoes off?
 Why are you dressed like a chicken?
 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
 if you were growing on my ass.
 Check it aut.
 Old man Marlay.
 Who's he?
 You ever heard of the South Bend
 Shovel Slayer?
 That's him.
 In '58 he murdered his whole family
 and half the people on his block.
 I'm up here, you morons.
 Come and get me.
 You guys give up, or are you
 thirsty for more?
 Heads up!
 Don't worry.
 with a snow shovel.
 n hiding out
 in this neighborhood ever since.
 If he's the shavel slayer,
 how come the cops don't arrest him?
 Not enough evidence to convict.
 They never found the bodies.
 Everyone around here knows he did it.
 HIl just be a matter of time..
 ..before he does it again.
 What's he doing?
 Ben
 Marv.
 - Yes, you are
 IH's a sick thing to do.
 ril get him for you.
 Yes!
 - We don't need that.
 He's only a kid, Harry.
 - Don't tel me.
 I can do it if I want to
 It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
 Heyl Hey!
 You've gotta watch for traffic.
 - Sorry.
 We can take him.
 Ah, shut up, will you?
 What is it?
 You're missing some teeth
 Where? It's my gold tooth.
 My gold tooth. I'l kill him.
 He walks up and down the stroets
 every night.
 --salting the sidewaks.
 Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
 No way.
 See that garbage can ful of salt?
 That's where he keeps his victims.
 The salt tums the bodies
 - Damn.
 rIl kill him!
 Santy don't visit
 the funeral homes, buddy.
 Okay, okay
 Merry Christmas.
 What's the matter?
 I don't like the way
 You bomb me with
 e can, kid
 .and l snap off your cojanes
 one more a
 and boil them in motor ail!
 911 emergency.
 Hello, my house is being robbed.
 that kid looked at me.
 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
 My name is Murphy.
 into mummies.
 Ever seen him before?
 -I saw a hundred kids this week
 Let's see what house he goes into.
 Why's he going faster?
 I told you something's wrong.
 He looked at me weird.
 Why would he run?
 Maybe he went in the church.
 I'm not going in there.
 - Me neither
 Let's get aut of here.
 When those guys come back,
 ni be ready.
 Did they come back?
 From Paris?
 We'l come back tomorrow.
 Mummies!
 You never know what's up there.
 Look out!
 How you kids doing?
 There he is!
 I got you! I got him, Harry.
 I got him.
 Harry, give me a hand!
 I got him!
 Harry, help me. Get up!
 I got him.
 What are you doing?
 Harry, don't move.
 Don't move.
 Marv, what are you doing?
 Did I get him?
 Did I get him?!
 Good?
 Lot of action around here today, huh?
 Going on vacation?
 Where you going?
 You hear me, or what?
 Going on a trip?
 Where you going, kid?
 Okay, that's $122.50.
 Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
 You just around for the holidays?
 You could say that.
 Pizza's here!
 Where is it? Where is it?
 Maybe they'll be gone.
 We better go before somebody soes us
 - There you go.
 That's $122.50.
 Never mind that. Here!
 How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
 Get that kid, before L.
 Get that kidt
 Where'd he go?
 Maybe he committed suicide.
 Down here, you big horse's ass!
 Come get me before I call the police.
 - Lat's get him!
 -Wait, wait.
 It's my brather's house.
 He'll get it
 Hey, listen.
 -Are you Mr. McCallister?
 - Yeah.
 Look what I found in the kitchen
 Frank, those are for later.
 Do you want a ittla shrimp. huh?
 Do you speak English?
 Well, in there.
 Did you get anybody?
 -I am looking for my son!
 No, I can't find anybody.
 They're all shopping.
 Nobody's home for the holidays.
 Never mind, forget it.
 - This is so pointless.
 The Mr. MoCallister who lives here?
 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50
 rd ike a word with you.
 Am I under arrest or something?
 There's always a lot of burglaries
 around the holidays.
 We're checking the neighborhood to see
 if the proper precautions are taken.
 We have automatic timers for our
 lights, locks for our doors
 It's just what he wants us to do
 Go back through his fun house
 so we get all tore up.
 He's gonna call
 From a tree house?!
 胁 褋芯褉械!
 -What?
 Come on,
 We're here rotting in this apartment.
 Kavin's at home.
 Mom's at the airport.
 Out the window?
 That's about as well
 I'm not going out the window.
 Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
 Come on, get aut hare.
 as anybody can do.
 Did you get some eggnog?
 Come on
 So?
 -You're not worried about Kevin?
 Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk
 and now he caught it in the butt.
 He's so little and halpless.
 Don't you think he's freaked?
 The trout can use a couple of days
 Come on.
 Let's eat
 Come on!
 -Come on. Keep
 Let's go back, Harry.
 Come on
 -Eggnog?
 - Pizza!
 - Aro you gonna be leaving.?
 in the real world.
 Hey, guys!
 Check this out.
 - Pizza!
 You're not worried
 something might happen?
 No. For three reasons:
 A I'm not that lucky
 Grab a napkin
 Go back. Go back.
 and pour your own drinks
 - Does Santa go through oustoms?
 -What time do we have to go to bed?
 Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
 On the button.
 I hope you're all drinking milk.
 I want to get rid of it
 -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip.
 For pizza?
 There he is!
 Hey, Im calling the cops!
 Wait, wait!
 Two: We have smoke detectors.
 .and D: We live in the most boring
 street in the United States..
 He wants us to follow him.
 I got a better idea, Come on.
 Hiya, pal.
 We outsmarted you this time.
 ..where nothing even remotely
 dangerous will ever happen. Period.
 Who is it?
 Get aver here!
 It's Little Nero's.
 What are you gorna do, Harry?
 l do exactly what he did to us.
 Burn his head with a blowtorch
 I have your pizza.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
 - You've got money.
 Traveler's checks
 and get out of here
 l smash his face with an iron.
 rd ike to slap him
 Forget it, Frank. We have cash
 You probably got the checks
 Okay.
 What about the money?
 What money?
 in the face with a paint can!
 that dan't work in France.
 Shove a nail through his foot!
 I'm gonna bite off every one o
 these little fingers, one at a time.
 Well, you have to pay
 Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
 Yeah. But if you want any.
 somebody's gonna have to barf it up
 because it's gone.
 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
 Kevt Kev, get a plate.
 - Passports!
 sir.
 Is that a fact?
 Come on. Let's get you home.
 Wow! This is great.
 Nice move,
 How much do I owe you?
 That'll be $11.80.
 leaving the water running.
 Now we know each and every house
 that you've hit
 We've been looking for you guys
 for a long time.
 Yeah. Well, remember,
 Keep the change, you filthy animal.
 - Cheapskate.
 - Hey.
 I'm gonna give you
 Watch it!
 No, no. Get these passports
 out of here.
 to the count of ten.
 . to get your ugly. yellow..
 ... no-good keister
 off my property.
 before I pumo you full of lead.
 Are you okay, honey? Come hera.
 Ara you all right?
 What is the matter with you?
 we're the "Wet Bandits."
 - Wet Bandits, thal's W-E-T.
 - Shut up! Get in the car!
 He ate my pizza on purpose.
 He knows I hate sausage and olives
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 Get upstairs now.
 Why?
 One, two... ten.
 Hey, come
 Come on.
 Alovely cheese pizza, just for me
 To Dallas/Forth Worth.
 -Hand off the head, pall!
 Come on
 I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent.
 American Airlines.
 So we have the $500.
 the pocket translator.
 No, you're not
 You're such a disease.
 You're beating yourself up there.
 This happens.
 These things happen, you know.
 You want to tak about bad parents?
 Shut up!
 鈥瀟he two first-class seats
 - Kevin, upstairs!
 Say good night, Kevin.
 - "Good night, Kevin."
 Why do I get treated ike scum?
 Im sorry. This house is just orazy
 thaf's an upgrade.
 Is that a real Rolax?
 -Do you think it is?
 Look at us
 - No
 But who can tell?
 We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year.
 We hardly see our families.
 We've got all these extra kids
 running around.
 My brother's in from Ohio.
 I also have a ring
 Oh, that is beautiful
 They're boarding.
 Joe, over there. Gosh, you know..
 he forgets his kids' names
 half the time.
 Ziggy over there,
 he's never even met his kid.
 Eddy. Let's just hope
 She's offered us two first-class
 How come you didnit bring
 tickets if we go Friday.
 Plus a ring, a watch,
 a pocket trarnslator, $500 and..
 The earrings.
 She's got her own earrings
 A whole shoebax full of them.
 -Come on, come on
 No. but.
 more cheese pizzas?
 Nice tip. Thanks.
 Having a reunion?
 none of them write a book about him.
 Tell me, have you gone on vacation
 nd left your child haome?
 No.
 My husband's brother transferred
 to Paris. His kids are still here.
 He missed the family,
 po he invited us to Paris.
 ...so we'll be together.
 You're taking a trip to Paris?
 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
 But I did leave one
 at a funeral parlor once.
 Im desperate.
 Yeah, it was ternble top
 I'm begging you.
 From a mother to a mother,. Please!
 I was all distraught and everything
 The wife and I, we left the litle
 Excellent. Excellent.
 -Oh, Ed.
 tyke there in the funeral parlo.
 All day. You know, we went
 f you'll excuse me, this one's
 -Please!
 Oh, all right
 "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister
 last year.
 This vear Fd rather have
 a little out of sorts.
 back at night, when we..
 Don't worry about me.
 I spoke to your husband.
 And don't worry about your home.
 Il's in good hands.
 There are 15 people, and only you
 ...came to our senses,
 there he was.
 Apparently, he was there
 some Clay-Doh.
 all day with a corpse.
 I didn't mean it.
 If you come back, Pll never be
 a pain in the butt again.
 I promise. Good night.
 I'm dreaming
 Of a white
 Christmas
 Now, he was okay
 You know, afer six, seven weeks.
 He came around
 and started talking again.
 They get over it.
 have to make trouble.
 I'm getting dumped on
 You're the only one acting up.
 Now get upstairs.
 I am upstairs, dummy!
 Kids are resilient like that.
 We shouldn'E talk about this.
 I was just trying to cheer you up.
 I'm sorry I did.
 Mom?
 The third floor?
 -Go.
 -If's scary up there
 Fulerli be up in
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 Just like the ones
 Iused to know
 Where those treetops glisten
 And children listen
 To hear sleigh bells
 In the snow
 Mom?
 He wets the bed.
 Kevin!
 He'll pee all over me. I know it,
 We'l put him somewhere else.
 Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
 Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
 The snow
 Im sorry.
 t's too late. Get upstairs
 Everyone in this family hates me!
 Then ask Santa for a new family.
 I don't want a new family. I don't
 want any family. Families suck!
 Stay up there. I don't want
 to see you again tonight.
 I don't want to see you
 for the rest of my life.
 Are those microwave dinnors good?
 I don't know.
 Where's everybody else?
 Oh, baby, they couldn't oome.
 They wanted to so much.
 I didn't fal asleep in the back
 and drool all over you, did ?
 - You do drool!
 Shut up!
 Kevin, my boy. How are you?
 You're all right.
 I love you. You okay?
 t's cool that you didn't
 Pl give them a whirl.
 Hold on, I got a coupon for that
 It was in the paper this moming.
 $19.83.
 Okay.
 Are you here all
 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
 yourself?
 I don't want to see
 anybody else either.
 I hope you don't mean that.
 You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up
 and didn't have a family.
 No, I wouldn't.
 Then say it again.
 Maybe itll happen.
 I hope I never see any
 of you jerks again!
 I wish they would all just disappear.
 Where are thay'?
 -I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
 You think I'd be here alone?
 I don't think so.
 Where's your mom?
 In the car.
 Where's your dad?
 -He's at work.
 burn the place down.
 Thanks, Buzz.
 Wait a minute.
 How'd you guys get hame?
 On the moming flight you didn't
 What about brothers and sisters?
 Oh, no. Oh! Thank you
 - Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 Someone has to find an open store.
 I went shopping yesterday.
 You, shopping?
 I got some milk, eggs
 Im an only child.
 Where do you live?
 -I can't tell you.
 Why not?
 -Cause you're a
 Hello, Kevin!
 Peter!
 Shut up!
 I don't get it.
 It looks like there's nobody's homn.
 Last night the place is jumping.
 Something ain't right.
 We slept in!
 Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
 Live across the street.
 You guys going out of bown?
 We're going to Flarida
 Well, first we're going to Missouri
 to pick up my grandma
 and fabric softener.
 What?
 - No kidding?
 What a funny guy.
 What else did you do
 while we were away?
 Just hung around.
 Bring your stuff upstairs.
 He went shopping? He doesn't know haw
 to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
 Honey, what's this?
 Kevinl What did you do
 to my room?
 Go check it aut.
 Now?
 No, tomorrow, egghead!
 Now! Go ahead.
 You know the McCallisters
 are going to France?
 Do you know if it's cold?
 -Do these vans get good mileage?
 - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
 "Now."
 Shit!
 Get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny.
 But what about my money?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had
 some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C.
 Aint in charge no more.
 What do you mean?
 Do a head count.
 Get everyone in the vans.
 Where are the passports?
 I put them in the microwave to dry.
 How fast does this go?
 Does it have automatic transmission?
 Does it have d
 Look, I told you before, kid
 +wheel drive?
 Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
 Line up in front of the van.
 Line up and shut up!
 He's upstairs, taking a bath.
 He'll call you when he gets out
 Hey, I tell you what I'm
 gonna give you, Snakes.
 -Snakes?
 Wow!
 Shut up!
 I need a head caunt.
 One, two, three.
 Eleven, 92, 12.
 - Pl give you to the count of ten..
 ... to get your ugly.
 yellow, no-good.
 .keister off my property..
 before I pump you full of lead.
 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
 Im going
 Buzz, don't be a moron.
 Six, seven, eight.
 .rine, 10, 11
 Okay, half in this van,
 half in this one. Let's go
 Have a good trip.
 Bring me back something Franch.
 There's no way we'll make this plane.
 It leaves in 45 minutes,
 Think positive!
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change, you fithy animal.
 What happened?
 I don't know who, but somebody
 just got blown away.
 Somebady beat us,
 they're in there
 You be positive.
 Il be reaistic.
 Excuse me, your power is fixed.
 .but the phones are a mess.
 HIl take a couple of days to fix..
 .especially around the holidays.
 Two of them.
 There was arguing
 One blew the other one away.
 -Thanks.
 - Who?
 I don't know
 I recognized one of their voices.
 I heard that name "Snakes" before.
 Did you count heads?
 Eleven, including me.
 Five boys, six girls,
 fwo drivers.
 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
 I don't know no Snakes
 Snakes. Lef's get aut of here.
 .and a partridge in a pear tree
 Hold the plane!
 -Did we miss it?
 Hold it. Hold it.
 Let's wait and see who it is.
 We work this neighborhood too
 Suppose the cops finger us
 for a job.
 ...and they ask us about
 a murder in the area.
 You just made
 Single seats only in conch
 Take whatever's fre
 I get a window seat!
 Kids are in coach, we're first class.
 -Seats Four A and B.
 Four A and D, ril take your coats.
 Wouldn't it be nice to have
 Fasten your seat belts.
 -Champagne, please,
 -If's free, isn'Y it?
 Oh, yes
 We made it.
 Do you believe it?
 Hope we didn't forget anything
 a face to go with it?
 That's a good idoa
 Of course it's a good idea.
 Snakes?
 He sounded ike a snake
 Everything's ful.
 Everything's full?
 Im very sorry, but
 Mom?
 That's real. It's real crystal.
 Yeah, so?
 Put them in your purse.
 Frank, I can't do that
 Just. Put them in your pursel
 Yeah. Fil it up.
 Fill it up.
 Fill it up, please.
 Thank you.
 Don't you feel like a heel, flying
 first class with the kids in ooach?
 No. The kids are fine.
 it is Christmas Eve.
 What about another airline?
 Nothing available.
 May I help you get a hotel room?
 Tomorrow we can get you a fight.
 I can't wait that long.
 Im sorry, ma'am, but we're
 doing absolutely everything we can.
 Im in your way. I'm sorry.
 You've places to ga.
 Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me
 Look, I have been awake
 for almost 60 hours.
 The only time I ever f
 in the station wagan, not to France.
 We had to go to Aunt Laura
 I'm tired and I'm dirty.
 I have been from Chicago to Paris,
 to Dallas, to. Where am 1?
 and Uncle Arthur's
 Kids are okay. They're having
 Scranton.
 I'm trying to get home
 to my 8-year-old son.
 Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
 m sorry.
 the time of their lives.
 Hello?
 Mom?
 Dad?
 Where are you guya?
 Buzz?
 Megan?
 Hello?
 No. No way.
 This is Christmas!
 The season of perpetual hope.
 IHI have to get on
 your runway and hitchhike.
 Rod?
 Unole Frank?
 Unale Frank, is this a joke?
 Megan? Linnie?
 Is this a joka?
 H's anly my imagination.
 Only my imagination.
 .if it costs me averything I own..
 if I have to sel my soul
 to the Devil himself.
 .I am going to get home to my son.
 Ma'am, there was anything.
 Do it. Do anything.
 -I can get you a hotel room.
 What?
 Can you excuse us for a sec?
 Can I see you for a second, please?
 The cars are still here.
 They didn't go to the airport!
 I made my family disappear.
 You're completely helpless.
 You know, Kevin.
 you're what the French call
 les incompetents
 Kevin, I'm going to feed you
 to my tarantula
 Kevin, you are such a disease.
 There are 15 people, and you're
 the only or
 Excuse us.
 You got a little bit of a dilemma.
 We got a crisis ourselves.
 Allow me to introduce myself.
 Gus Polinski.
 Polka King of the Midwest?
 The Kenosha Kickers?
 trouble.
 -Hi there.
 - Hiya
 That's okay. I thought you might
 have recognized.
 I had a few hits a fow years ago
 That's why I just.
 "Polka, Polka, Polka"?
 Polka, polka, polka
 "Twin Lakes Polika"?
 "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a.
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 I made my family disappear.
 Im free!
 Wow!
 No clathes on anybody.
 Sickening!
 Coll Firecrackers!
 fll save these for later.
 Buzz, I'm going through
 all your private stuff.
 You better come out and pound mel
 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof
 Who is it?
 ts me. Snakes
 I got the
 Leave it on the doorstop
 and get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny,
 but what about my monay?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist?
 These are songs?
 Yeah. Yeah, we.
 Some fairly big hits for us.
 You know, in the earty "80s
 e sold about 623
 copies of that.
 -In Chicago?
 - No, Sheboygan.
 Very big in Shebaygan.
 Did you say you could help?
 Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
 Our flight was canceled.
 ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy
 in the yellow jacket aver there?
 He's gonna rent us a nice big van
 to drive to Milwaukee.
 Now, I heard you had some problems
 getting to Chicago?
 To see your kid or something?
 Uh, my son. He.
 We left, and he's there.
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more
 Guys, I'm eating junk
 and watching rubbisht
 You batter come out and stop me!
 He'll call you when he gets out.
 rIl tell you what I'm gonna
 give you.
 I'm gonna give you to
 If you have to get to Chicago,
 we'll gladly drive you.
 It's on the way to Milwaukee.
 - You'd give me a ride?
 - Sure, why not?
 a ome.
 the count of ten.
 et your ugly, yellow.
 ... no-good keister off my property.
 before I pump your guts
 full of lead.
 All right, I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 One, two. ten.
 You've got to get h
 -A ride to Chicaga?
 - Sure, its Christmastime.
 Thank you. Oh, thank you.
 You don't mind going with polka bums?
 No, I'd love to.
 Keep the change,
 you fithy animal.
 Mom!
 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
 What's the matter?
 Look at this.
 I think we're getting scammed
 by a kindergartner
 Dad, can you come here
 and help me
 Honey?
 I have a terrible feeling.
 About what?
 That we didn't do something.
 You feel that way because
 we left in a hurry.
 Remember that kid
 we saw the other day?
 of everything.
 He lives here
 We took care
 Did I turn off the coffee?
 If the kid's here,
 the parent's got to be.
 I did.
 Did you lock up?
 He's home alone.
 What? You want to come
 Yeah.
 back tonight?
 Even with the kid here?
 I don't think thaf's a good idea.
 Did you alose the garage?
 That's it.
 I forgat to dlose the garage.
 Thal's it
 That house is the reason
 we worked this block.
 No, that's not it.
 Ever since I saw that house,
 I wanted it.
 Let's take it one step at a time.
 Wel unload the van, get a bite
 What else could we be forgetting?
 螝伪谓in!
 The captain's doing all he can.
 Your phones are out of order.
 Wel call when we land.
 Im sure it's okay.
 to eat, we'l come back about 9:00.
 Nine o'clock.
 This way it's dark then
 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
 Horible, Horible.
 You're afraid of the dark too.
 You know you are.
 Just horrible.
 How could we do this?
 We forgot him.
 We didn't forget him,
 we just miscounted.
 No, I'm not.
 - Yes, you are
 Not, not not.
 You are so.
 Mom, where are you?
 Do you play?
 Do you want to try? Go ahead,
 try it. Try it!
 What kind of mother am 1?
 If it makes you feel any better,
 I forgat my reading giasses.
 Five families gone
 an ane block alone.
 - Excuse me.
 - Yeah?
 Hey, nice shoes.
 Oh, thanks.
 Is he still here? It's really
 important that I sea him.
 He's getting in his car.
 If you hurry, you can catch him.
 How lowl Giving Kriss Kringle
 a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
 What's next, rabies shots
 They all told me from their
 own mouths.
 H's almost too easy.
 Check it out:
 Al the houses with nobody home.
 ...have automatic timers
 an their lights.
 But I got it all figured out.
 Watch this.
 Number 064 will be going on
 right about.
 for the Easter Bunny?
 Wait, wait, wait.
 Santa, hold on
 - Can I talk to you for a minute?
 - Quickly
 Santa's running late.
 I know you're not
 the real Santa Claus.
 Huh, what makes you say that?
 Just out of curiosity.
 - I'm old enough to know how it works.
 All right.
 But I also know you work for him.
 Number 682..
 right now.
 Wait a minute.
 ...now
 And that's the one, Marvin.
 That's the silver tuna.
 t's very G.
 Very G, huh? It's loaded.
 It's got lats of tap-fight goods.
 - Stereos, VCRS.
 - Toys?
 Probably looking at some
 very fine jawelry.
 Possible cash harde.
 - l'd like you to give him a message.
 - Shoot.
 Kevin McCallister, 681
 Do you need the phone number?
 No, that's all right.
 This is extremely important.
 Please tell him instead of presents,
 I just want my family back.
 No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate,
 Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff.
 And my aunt and my cousins.
 And if he has time,
 my Uncle Frank. Okay?
 Okay.
 - Pl see what I can do.
 Thanks.
 Wait. My elf took the last of the
 candy canes home to her boyfriend.
 - That's okay.
 - No, don't be silly.
 Everybody who sees Santa
 has got to get something.
 Here, hold out your little paw there.
 There you go.
 - Don't spoil your dinner.
 -I won't.
 81 Lincoln Blvd.
 Odd marketable securities.
 Who knows? It's a gem.
 Grab your crowbar.
 Crowbars up.
 You're a rotter,
 Mr. Grinch
 You're the king
 Of sinful sots
 Your heart's a dead tomato
 Blotched with moldy purple spots.
 Mr. Grinch
 Which way?
 We'l go around back,
 down the basement.
 - You said they were gone.
 - Thay were gonna leave today.
 Let's get out of here.
 We have to use the phone, please.
 H's an emergency.
 We really have to make a call.
 Please! Our brother's home alone.
 Give us the phone!
 I'm sorry. Thank you.
 I'm calling the police,
 Book us a fight home.
 Get change out of here.
 Call averybody you know.
 Here's my address book. You and Frank
 call everyone an our street.
 Maybe somebody can help us
 Hello? Hello?
 Oh, she'll have to call you back.
 This is ridiculaus.
 Only a wimp would be
 hiding under a bed
 And I can't be a wimp.
 I'm the man of the house.
 Hey, Im not afraid anymore!
 I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
 Do you hear me?
 Im not afraid anymore.
 Village police department.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 rd ike somebody to go there. Tell
 him that we're coming hame to get him.
 Okay, lat me connect you
 with Family Crisis Intervention.
 Thanks
 Son of a.!
 Merry Christmas.
 May I sit down?
 That's my granddaughter.
 The little red-haired girl.
 She's about your age.
 You know her?
 No.
 You live next to me, don't you?
 You can say helo when you see me.
 You dan't have to be afraid.
 There's a lot of things going around
 about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
 You've been good this year?
 I think so.
 You swear to it?
 No.
 Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
 if you're feeling bad about yourself.
 -It is?
 -I think so.
 Are you feeling bad about yoursel?
 -No.
 Ive been kind of a pain lately
 I said some things I shouldn't have.
 I really haven't been
 Hold on.
 Larry, can you pick up?
 There's some hyper lady on hold.
 - What line, Rose?
 - Twa.
 Family Crisis Intervention,
 Sergeant Balzac.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 too good this year.
 Yeah.
 Im kind of upset
 because I really ike my family.
 Even though sametimes I say I don't.
 Sometimes I even think I don't.
 Do you get that?
 I think so.
 How you feel about family
 Has the child been involved in
There is no Christmas without Home alone

There is no Christmas without Home alone

ifs: is a complicated thing. Especially with an older brother. Deep down, you'l always love him But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. That's not just because you're young. Where's my suitcase? Miss. Young lady! Exouse me. Girls! Hey, little fella. Hey! Exouse me, girls. Girls! Hey, big fella! Help me make the beds in the living room. violence with a drunk family member? No! Has he been involved in a household accident? I don't know. I hope not Has the child ingested any poison ar is an object lodged in his throat? e real You want to know the r No, he's home alone! l'd like reason why Im here? Sure. Come on down here! somebody to go over to the house. -..and see if he's all right. You want us to go to your house. Hey, san! Big fella. Hey, little guy! Litle guy! Pete's brother and his family are here. Trish is going to Montreal. Montreal? Oh, her family's there. I came to hear my granddaughter sing. I can't come hear her tonight. You have plans? No. just to check on him. Yes! Let me connect you to the police I'm not welcome. They just transferred me. You're always welcome at church. I'm not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family -Rose! - Yeah. - Then we're off. - When? - 袧褍褉e谐. -袧邪ng an -Hold on, please. Tomorrow. moved on the block. You're not ready, are you? -.I had an argument with my son. How old is he? Uncle Frank won't let me - No, please don't hang up. Please! Any luck? -I couldn't get anybody. watch the movie He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said Ididn't care to see him anymore He said the same, and we haven't .but the big kids can. Why can't 17 Im on the phone. - Leslie? Nothing but a bunch of answering machines. Somebady pick up. Pick up! Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and L. We'l send a policeman over to your house to check on your son. There's nobody home. spoken to each other since. do you come back? Not till then? f vou miss him. why don't y Im afraid if I call he won't talk to me. How do you know? I don't know. I'm just afraid. H's not even rated R. vou call him? He's just being a jerk. Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no. ..then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel. Hey, get of Kevin, out of the room. The house looks secure. No offense, but aren't you Tell them to count their kids again. You can't bump somebody or ask or.? There's no way I can do that. Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? If you said it's an emergency. I cannot ask them. She's sending a policeman house. a little old to be afraid? You can be old for a lot of things. Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? This kid. Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? No, I didn't have time. - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. I was afraid of our basement IH's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. That sort of thing. I's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down to do some laundry. ..and I found out ifs not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. What's your point? My point is, you should call your son. -What if he won't talk to me? Dad, nobodyll let me do anything Ive got something, pick up those MicroMachines that are all over. Well, that's a relief. Everything here is booked. Nothing to Chicago? Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. He was playing There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. iih the glue gun again. We talked about that. Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made omaments out of fish hooks. - My new fish hooks? -I can't make them out of old anes.. - What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. Friday morn. That's two days away. The kids are exhausted and so are you. There's nothing we can do here. - At least you'l know. Then you could stop worrying about it ..with dry worm guts stuck on them. - Peter. -Come on, Kevin. Out Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? Here's a voltage adapter! God, you're getting heavy! Go pack your suitcase. Pack my suitcase? -Where's the shampoo? -I don't live here This many people here and no shampoo. Are your folks home? - Thay don't live here. - Tracy, did you crder the pizza? - Buzz did. Tsay we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. You won't have to be afraid No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. I don't know Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. Im sure she misses you. And the presents I send her a check. I wish my grandparents did tha They always send me clothes. I'm not leaving here unless airplane it's o Madame, we are doing everything we can. to stay at the airport. If you want maybe we can get you on standby. It is a possibility that a seat will open up. - Is that okay? Last year I got a sv a sweater Il miss you, honey. Don't you get lost. Goodbye I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap. Including all my major crevices. .between my toes and in my belly button. .which I never did before but enjayed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. I can't find my toothbrush, so l'll pick one up today. Other than that, Im in good shape. All right! Buzz's life savings. I thought the Murphys went to Florida. You're ane of the great cat burglars of the world. You think you can keep it with a bird knitted on it. Oh, that's nice. Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing samething like that I have a friend who got nailed. ..because there was a rumor Excuse me. Are your parents here? My parents live in Paris. -Hi! - Hi! - Are your parents home? Yeah. he wore dinosaur pajamas You better run home where you belong. - Do they live here? -No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. I don't know how to pack a suitcase. Think about what I said. -All right? - Okay. H's nice talking to you. Nice talking to you. Ive never done it once. - Me? - Tough. - That's what Megan said. What did I say? You told him "Tough." The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, yau're an idiot? Yeah. You and your son. We'l see what happens Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. This is my house. I have to defend it. We'l check it out down a little in there? - I'm not an idiot! You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. This is Peter McCalister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. Let me give you the number here The country code is 33. The area code is 1-4 and the number is 694-876. - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? Realy? You're helpless! We have to do everything for you. - She's right, Kev. Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. I don't know how to pack -I hope you didn't just pack arap. - Shut up, Linnie. We can come back for the truck. How do you want to go in? We'l go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. Bless this nutritious, microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner. ...and the people who sold You know what I should pack? Buzz told you, cheek-face. Tailet paper and water. What are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna it on sale. This is it. Dont Merry Christmas, little fe That house we ran last night, t get scared now. was that the MoCalister's? - Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. -I knew they were. -Siver tuna tonight We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. H's Santy Claus and his elf. We're nat gonna hurt you. pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call les incompetents. Wow How may I help you? Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon. Can you please find out? -Herb. What? Bombs away! S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. This house is so full of people No, no. Gat some nice presents for you. Be a good little fella now and open the dor. What? What? What? P.S. What? What happened? -Get that little. it makes me sick! Yeah? When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! I'm living alone! Who's gonna feed your spider? He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits? I got a question here about a toothbrush. Hello. Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? I don't know. Oh, hon, you pay for that here. Wait, you have to pay for that. Yes! Yes! The little jerk is armed! That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! Oh, boy. That's it, you little. Son! Son! You little.. Jimmy, stop that boy! Hey! Shoplifter! Hey! Hey, kid! Come back here! Stop it, will you? Come here. 'm a criminal. What's so funny? What's so funny? Why are you laughing? You did it again. You left the water running. Why do you do that? I told you nat to do i - I's our calling card. - Calling card. All the great ones leave their mark We're the wet bandits. You're sick, you know? You're really sick. I'm not sick. No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you? Some don't. Yes! is head off. But they gat nude beaches. Not in the winter. You're dead, kid. Where are you, you little creep?! Hary, I'm coming in! Oh, no! I'm really scared. Don't you know how to knock, phlegm wad? Can I sloep here? I don't want to sleap with Fuller. If he drinks, he'll wet the bed. H's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. Okay, come and get me! Why, you. Now you're dead! f'm gonna kill that kid! Why'd you take your shoes off? Why are you dressed like a chicken? I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. Check it aut. Old man Marlay. Who's he? You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? That's him. In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block. I'm up here, you morons. Come and get me. You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? Heads up! Don't worry. with a snow shovel. n hiding out in this neighborhood ever since. If he's the shavel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. Everyone around here knows he did it. HIl just be a matter of time.. ..before he does it again. What's he doing? Ben Marv. - Yes, you are IH's a sick thing to do. ril get him for you. Yes! - We don't need that. He's only a kid, Harry. - Don't tel me. I can do it if I want to It's not sick. Hey, watch out! Heyl Hey! You've gotta watch for traffic. - Sorry. We can take him. Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? You're missing some teeth Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'l kill him. He walks up and down the stroets every night. --salting the sidewaks. Maybe he's just trying to be nice. No way. See that garbage can ful of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt tums the bodies - Damn. rIl kill him! Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. Okay, okay Merry Christmas. What's the matter? I don't like the way You bomb me with e can, kid .and l snap off your cojanes one more a and boil them in motor ail! 911 emergency. Hello, my house is being robbed. that kid looked at me. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. into mummies. Ever seen him before? -I saw a hundred kids this week Let's see what house he goes into. Why's he going faster? I told you something's wrong. He looked at me weird. Why would he run? Maybe he went in the church. I'm not going in there. - Me neither Let's get aut of here. When those guys come back, ni be ready. Did they come back? From Paris? We'l come back tomorrow. Mummies! You never know what's up there. Look out! How you kids doing? There he is! I got you! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me. Get up! I got him. What are you doing? Harry, don't move. Don't move. Marv, what are you doing? Did I get him? Did I get him?! Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where you going? You hear me, or what? Going on a trip? Where you going, kid? Okay, that's $122.50. Not from me, kid. I don't live here. You just around for the holidays? You could say that. Pizza's here! Where is it? Where is it? Maybe they'll be gone. We better go before somebody soes us - There you go. That's $122.50. Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! Get that kid, before L. Get that kidt Where'd he go? Maybe he committed suicide. Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. - Lat's get him! -Wait, wait. It's my brather's house. He'll get it Hey, listen. -Are you Mr. McCallister? - Yeah. Look what I found in the kitchen Frank, those are for later. Do you want a ittla shrimp. huh? Do you speak English? Well, in there. Did you get anybody? -I am looking for my son! No, I can't find anybody. They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. Never mind, forget it. - This is so pointless. The Mr. MoCallister who lives here? Good, because somebody owes me $122.50 rd ike a word with you. Am I under arrest or something? There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. We have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors It's just what he wants us to do Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. He's gonna call From a tree house?! 胁 褋芯褉械! -What? Come on, We're here rotting in this apartment. Kavin's at home. Mom's at the airport. Out the window? That's about as well I'm not going out the window. Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get aut hare. as anybody can do. Did you get some eggnog? Come on So? -You're not worried about Kevin? Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. He's so little and halpless. Don't you think he's freaked? The trout can use a couple of days Come on. Let's eat Come on! -Come on. Keep Let's go back, Harry. Come on -Eggnog? - Pizza! - Aro you gonna be leaving.? in the real world. Hey, guys! Check this out. - Pizza! You're not worried something might happen? No. For three reasons: A I'm not that lucky Grab a napkin Go back. Go back. and pour your own drinks - Does Santa go through oustoms? -What time do we have to go to bed? Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip. For pizza? There he is! Hey, Im calling the cops! Wait, wait! Two: We have smoke detectors. .and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States.. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea, Come on. Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. ..where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period. Who is it? Get aver here! It's Little Nero's. What are you gorna do, Harry? l do exactly what he did to us. Burn his head with a blowtorch I have your pizza. Leave it on the doorstep Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. - You've got money. Traveler's checks and get out of here l smash his face with an iron. rd ike to slap him Forget it, Frank. We have cash You probably got the checks Okay. What about the money? What money? in the face with a paint can! that dan't work in France. Shove a nail through his foot! I'm gonna bite off every one o these little fingers, one at a time. Well, you have to pay Did anyone order me a plain cheese? Yeah. But if you want any. somebody's gonna have to barf it up because it's gone. Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. Kevt Kev, get a plate. - Passports! sir. Is that a fact? Come on. Let's get you home. Wow! This is great. Nice move, How much do I owe you? That'll be $11.80. leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit We've been looking for you guys for a long time. Yeah. Well, remember, Keep the change, you filthy animal. - Cheapskate. - Hey. I'm gonna give you Watch it! No, no. Get these passports out of here. to the count of ten. . to get your ugly. yellow.. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pumo you full of lead. Are you okay, honey? Come hera. Ara you all right? What is the matter with you? we're the "Wet Bandits." - Wet Bandits, thal's W-E-T. - Shut up! Get in the car! He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives Look what you did, you little jerk! Get upstairs now. Why? One, two... ten. Hey, come Come on. Alovely cheese pizza, just for me To Dallas/Forth Worth. -Hand off the head, pall! Come on I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent. American Airlines. So we have the $500. the pocket translator. No, you're not You're such a disease. You're beating yourself up there. This happens. These things happen, you know. You want to tak about bad parents? Shut up! 鈥瀟he two first-class seats - Kevin, upstairs! Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night, Kevin." Why do I get treated ike scum? Im sorry. This house is just orazy thaf's an upgrade. Is that a real Rolax? -Do you think it is? Look at us - No But who can tell? We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year. We hardly see our families. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother's in from Ohio. I also have a ring Oh, that is beautiful They're boarding. Joe, over there. Gosh, you know.. he forgets his kids' names half the time. Ziggy over there, he's never even met his kid. Eddy. Let's just hope She's offered us two first-class How come you didnit bring tickets if we go Friday. Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket trarnslator, $500 and.. The earrings. She's got her own earrings A whole shoebax full of them. -Come on, come on No. but. more cheese pizzas? Nice tip. Thanks. Having a reunion? none of them write a book about him. Tell me, have you gone on vacation nd left your child haome? No. My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. He missed the family, po he invited us to Paris. ...so we'll be together. You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. Im desperate. Yeah, it was ternble top I'm begging you. From a mother to a mother,. Please! I was all distraught and everything The wife and I, we left the litle Excellent. Excellent. -Oh, Ed. tyke there in the funeral parlo. All day. You know, we went f you'll excuse me, this one's -Please! Oh, all right "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister last year. This vear Fd rather have a little out of sorts. back at night, when we.. Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. And don't worry about your home. Il's in good hands. There are 15 people, and only you ...came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there some Clay-Doh. all day with a corpse. I didn't mean it. If you come back, Pll never be a pain in the butt again. I promise. Good night. I'm dreaming Of a white Christmas Now, he was okay You know, afer six, seven weeks. He came around and started talking again. They get over it. have to make trouble. I'm getting dumped on You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy! Kids are resilient like that. We shouldn'E talk about this. I was just trying to cheer you up. I'm sorry I did. Mom? The third floor? -Go. -If's scary up there Fulerli be up in I don't want to sleep with Fuller. Just like the ones Iused to know Where those treetops glisten And children listen To hear sleigh bells In the snow Mom? He wets the bed. Kevin! He'll pee all over me. I know it, We'l put him somewhere else. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. The snow Im sorry. t's too late. Get upstairs Everyone in this family hates me! Then ask Santa for a new family. I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! Stay up there. I don't want to see you again tonight. I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. Are those microwave dinnors good? I don't know. Where's everybody else? Oh, baby, they couldn't oome. They wanted to so much. I didn't fal asleep in the back and drool all over you, did ? - You do drool! Shut up! Kevin, my boy. How are you? You're all right. I love you. You okay? t's cool that you didn't Pl give them a whirl. Hold on, I got a coupon for that It was in the paper this moming. $19.83. Okay. Are you here all Ma'am, I'm 8 years old. yourself? I don't want to see anybody else either. I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up and didn't have a family. No, I wouldn't. Then say it again. Maybe itll happen. I hope I never see any of you jerks again! I wish they would all just disappear. Where are thay'? -I don't know. She said 8 sharp. You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. Where's your mom? In the car. Where's your dad? -He's at work. burn the place down. Thanks, Buzz. Wait a minute. How'd you guys get hame? On the moming flight you didn't What about brothers and sisters? Oh, no. Oh! Thank you - Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Someone has to find an open store. I went shopping yesterday. You, shopping? I got some milk, eggs Im an only child. Where do you live? -I can't tell you. Why not? -Cause you're a Hello, Kevin! Peter! Shut up! I don't get it. It looks like there's nobody's homn. Last night the place is jumping. Something ain't right. We slept in! Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. Live across the street. You guys going out of bown? We're going to Flarida Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma and fabric softener. What? - No kidding? What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? Just hung around. Bring your stuff upstairs. He went shopping? He doesn't know haw to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? Honey, what's this? Kevinl What did you do to my room? Go check it aut. Now? No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. You know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold? -Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! "Now." Shit! Get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny. But what about my money? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Aint in charge no more. What do you mean? Do a head count. Get everyone in the vans. Where are the passports? I put them in the microwave to dry. How fast does this go? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have d Look, I told you before, kid +wheel drive? Don't bother me. Now, beat it! Line up in front of the van. Line up and shut up! He's upstairs, taking a bath. He'll call you when he gets out Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. -Snakes? Wow! Shut up! I need a head caunt. One, two, three. Eleven, 92, 12. - Pl give you to the count of ten.. ... to get your ugly. yellow, no-good. .keister off my property.. before I pump you full of lead. All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. Im going Buzz, don't be a moron. Six, seven, eight. .rine, 10, 11 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go Have a good trip. Bring me back something Franch. There's no way we'll make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes, Think positive! One, two. ten. Keep the change, you fithy animal. What happened? I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. Somebady beat us, they're in there You be positive. Il be reaistic. Excuse me, your power is fixed. .but the phones are a mess. HIl take a couple of days to fix.. .especially around the holidays. Two of them. There was arguing One blew the other one away. -Thanks. - Who? I don't know I recognized one of their voices. I heard that name "Snakes" before. Did you count heads? Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, fwo drivers. Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes Snakes. Lef's get aut of here. .and a partridge in a pear tree Hold the plane! -Did we miss it? Hold it. Hold it. Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too Suppose the cops finger us for a job. ...and they ask us about a murder in the area. You just made Single seats only in conch Take whatever's fre I get a window seat! Kids are in coach, we're first class. -Seats Four A and B. Four A and D, ril take your coats. Wouldn't it be nice to have Fasten your seat belts. -Champagne, please, -If's free, isn'Y it? Oh, yes We made it. Do you believe it? Hope we didn't forget anything a face to go with it? That's a good idoa Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? He sounded ike a snake Everything's ful. Everything's full? Im very sorry, but Mom? That's real. It's real crystal. Yeah, so? Put them in your purse. Frank, I can't do that Just. Put them in your pursel Yeah. Fil it up. Fill it up. Fill it up, please. Thank you. Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in ooach? No. The kids are fine. it is Christmas Eve. What about another airline? Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? Tomorrow we can get you a fight. I can't wait that long. Im sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. Im in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to ga. Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. The only time I ever f in the station wagan, not to France. We had to go to Aunt Laura I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris, to Dallas, to. Where am 1? and Uncle Arthur's Kids are okay. They're having Scranton. I'm trying to get home to my 8-year-old son. Now you're telling me it's hopeless? m sorry. the time of their lives. Hello? Mom? Dad? Where are you guya? Buzz? Megan? Hello? No. No way. This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope. IHI have to get on your runway and hitchhike. Rod? Unole Frank? Unale Frank, is this a joke? Megan? Linnie? Is this a joka? H's anly my imagination. Only my imagination. .if it costs me averything I own.. if I have to sel my soul to the Devil himself. .I am going to get home to my son. Ma'am, there was anything. Do it. Do anything. -I can get you a hotel room. What? Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a second, please? The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! I made my family disappear. You're completely helpless. You know, Kevin. you're what the French call les incompetents Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula Kevin, you are such a disease. There are 15 people, and you're the only or Excuse us. You got a little bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? trouble. -Hi there. - Hiya That's okay. I thought you might have recognized. I had a few hits a fow years ago That's why I just. "Polka, Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka "Twin Lakes Polika"? "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a. Look what you did, you little jerk! I made my family disappear. Im free! Wow! No clathes on anybody. Sickening! Coll Firecrackers! fll save these for later. Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. You better come out and pound mel Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof Who is it? ts me. Snakes I got the Leave it on the doorstop and get the hell out of here. All right, Johnny, but what about my monay? What money? A.C. Said you had some dough for me. Is that a fact? "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist? These are songs? Yeah. Yeah, we. Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the earty "80s e sold about 623 copies of that. -In Chicago? - No, Sheboygan. Very big in Shebaygan. Did you say you could help? Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled. ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket aver there? He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? To see your kid or something? Uh, my son. He. We left, and he's there. How much do I owe you? A.C. Said ten percent. Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbisht You batter come out and stop me! He'll call you when he gets out. rIl tell you what I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you to If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee. - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? a ome. the count of ten. et your ugly, yellow. ... no-good keister off my property. before I pump your guts full of lead. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going. One, two. ten. You've got to get h -A ride to Chicaga? - Sure, its Christmastime. Thank you. Oh, thank you. You don't mind going with polka bums? No, I'd love to. Keep the change, you fithy animal. Mom! Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv! What's the matter? Look at this. I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner Dad, can you come here and help me Honey? I have a terrible feeling. About what? That we didn't do something. You feel that way because we left in a hurry. Remember that kid we saw the other day? of everything. He lives here We took care Did I turn off the coffee? If the kid's here, the parent's got to be. I did. Did you lock up? He's home alone. What? You want to come Yeah. back tonight? Even with the kid here? I don't think thaf's a good idea. Did you alose the garage? That's it. I forgat to dlose the garage. Thal's it That house is the reason we worked this block. No, that's not it. Ever since I saw that house, I wanted it. Let's take it one step at a time. Wel unload the van, get a bite What else could we be forgetting? 螝伪谓in! The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. Wel call when we land. Im sure it's okay. to eat, we'l come back about 9:00. Nine o'clock. This way it's dark then Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. Horible, Horible. You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. Just horrible. How could we do this? We forgot him. We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. No, I'm not. - Yes, you are Not, not not. You are so. Mom, where are you? Do you play? Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! What kind of mother am 1? If it makes you feel any better, I forgat my reading giasses. Five families gone an ane block alone. - Excuse me. - Yeah? Hey, nice shoes. Oh, thanks. Is he still here? It's really important that I sea him. He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. How lowl Giving Kriss Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots They all told me from their own mouths. H's almost too easy. Check it out: Al the houses with nobody home. ...have automatic timers an their lights. But I got it all figured out. Watch this. Number 064 will be going on right about. for the Easter Bunny? Wait, wait, wait. Santa, hold on - Can I talk to you for a minute? - Quickly Santa's running late. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiosity. - I'm old enough to know how it works. All right. But I also know you work for him. Number 682.. right now. Wait a minute. ...now And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. t's very G. Very G, huh? It's loaded. It's got lats of tap-fight goods. - Stereos, VCRS. - Toys? Probably looking at some very fine jawelry. Possible cash harde. - l'd like you to give him a message. - Shoot. Kevin McCallister, 681 Do you need the phone number? No, that's all right. This is extremely important. Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? Okay. - Pl see what I can do. Thanks. Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa has got to get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. - Don't spoil your dinner. -I won't. 81 Lincoln Blvd. Odd marketable securities. Who knows? It's a gem. Grab your crowbar. Crowbars up. You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch You're the king Of sinful sots Your heart's a dead tomato Blotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Grinch Which way? We'l go around back, down the basement. - You said they were gone. - Thay were gonna leave today. Let's get out of here. We have to use the phone, please. H's an emergency. We really have to make a call. Please! Our brother's home alone. Give us the phone! I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm calling the police, Book us a fight home. Get change out of here. Call averybody you know. Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone an our street. Maybe somebody can help us Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. This is ridiculaus. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. Hey, Im not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? Im not afraid anymore. Village police department. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. rd ike somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming hame to get him. Okay, lat me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. Thanks Son of a.! Merry Christmas. May I sit down? That's my granddaughter. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. You know her? No. You live next to me, don't you? You can say helo when you see me. You dan't have to be afraid. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? You've been good this year? I think so. You swear to it? No. Yeah. Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. -It is? -I think so. Are you feeling bad about yoursel? -No. Ive been kind of a pain lately I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been Hold on. Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. - What line, Rose? - Twa. Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. too good this year. Yeah. Im kind of upset because I really ike my family. Even though sametimes I say I don't. Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? I think so. How you feel about family Has the child been involved in There is no Christmas without Home alone
ifs: is a complicated thing.
 Especially with an older brother.
 Deep down, you'l always love him
 But you can forget that you love him.
 You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
 That's not just because you're young.
 Where's my suitcase?
 Miss. Young lady!
 Exouse me. Girls!
 Hey, little fella. Hey!
 Exouse me, girls. Girls!
 Hey, big fella!
 Help me make the beds
 in the living room.
 violence with a drunk family member?
 No!
 Has he been involved
 in a household accident?
 I don't know. I hope not
 Has the child ingested any poison
 ar is an object lodged in his throat?
 e real
 You want to know the r
 No, he's home alone! l'd like
 reason why Im here?
 Sure.
 Come on down here!
 somebody to go over to the house.
 -..and see if he's all right.
 You want us to go to your house.
 Hey, san!
 Big fella.
 Hey, little guy! Litle guy!
 Pete's brother
 and his family are here.
 Trish is going to Montreal.
 Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
 I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
 I can't come hear her tonight.
 You have plans?
 No.
 just to check on him.
 Yes!
 Let me connect you to the police
 I'm not welcome.
 They just transferred me.
 You're always welcome at church.
 I'm not welcome with my son.
 Years back, before you and your family
 -Rose!
 - Yeah.
 - Then we're off.
 - When?
 - 袧褍褉e谐.
 -袧邪ng an
 -Hold on, please.
 Tomorrow.
 moved on the block.
 You're not ready, are you?
 -.I had an argument with my son.
 How old is he?
 Uncle Frank won't let me
 - No, please don't hang up. Please!
 Any luck?
 -I couldn't get anybody.
 watch the movie
 He's grown up.
 We lost our tempers, and I said
 Ididn't care to see him anymore
 He said the same, and we haven't
 .but the big kids can.
 Why can't 17
 Im on the phone.
 - Leslie?
 Nothing but a bunch
 of answering machines.
 Somebady pick up. Pick up!
 Oh, hi, ma'am. Ir's you again.
 Look, I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone, and L.
 We'l send a policeman over
 to your house to check on your son.
 There's nobody home.
 spoken to each other since.
 do you come back?
 Not till then?
 f vou miss him.
 why don't y
 Im afraid if I call
 he won't talk to me.
 How do you know?
 I don't know.
 I'm just afraid.
 H's not even rated R.
 vou call him?
 He's just being a jerk.
 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no.
 ..then it must be really bad.
 No, we put the dog in the kennel.
 Hey, get of
 Kevin, out of the room.
 The house looks secure.
 No offense, but aren't you
 Tell them to count their kids again.
 You can't bump somebody or ask or.?
 There's no way I can do that.
 Isn't there a way
 if you ask somebody?
 If you said it's an emergency.
 I cannot ask them.
 She's sending a policeman
 house.
 a little old to be afraid?
 You can be old for a lot of things.
 Hang up the phone and make me,
 why don't you?
 This kid.
 Did you pick up
 a voltage adaptor thing?
 No, I didn't have time.
 - Then how do I shave in France?
 - Grow a goatee.
 You're never too old to be afraid.
 - That's true.
 I was afraid of our basement
 IH's dark. There's weird stuff
 down there, and it smells funny.
 That sort of thing.
 I's bothered me for years.
 Basements are like that.
 I made myself go down
 to do some laundry.
 ..and I found out ifs not so bad.
 I worried about it, but if you
 turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
 What's your point?
 My point is,
 you should call your son.
 -What if he won't talk to me?
 Dad, nobodyll let me do anything
 Ive got something, pick up those
 MicroMachines that are all over.
 Well, that's a relief.
 Everything here is booked.
 Nothing to Chicago?
 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
 He was playing
 There's nothing to Chicago,
 New York, Nashville.
 iih the glue gun again.
 We talked about that.
 Did I burn down the joint?
 I don't think so.
 I made omaments out of fish hooks.
 - My new fish hooks?
 -I can't make them out of old anes..
 - What about a private plane?
 - Sorry. We don't do that.
 The only thing is a booking
 for us on Friday morning.
 Friday morn. That's two days away.
 The kids are exhausted and so are you.
 There's nothing we can do here.
 - At least you'l know.
 Then you could stop worrying about it
 ..with dry worm guts stuck on them.
 - Peter.
 -Come on, Kevin. Out
 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?
 Here's a voltage adapter!
 God, you're getting heavy!
 Go pack your suitcase.
 Pack my suitcase?
 -Where's the shampoo?
 -I don't live here
 This many people here and no shampoo.
 Are your folks home?
 - Thay don't live here.
 - Tracy, did you crder the pizza?
 - Buzz did.
 Tsay we go over to Rob's, and that
 way we can call the police again.
 You won't have to be afraid
 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
 Dad. Especially around the holidays.
 I don't know
 Just give it a shot.
 For your granddaughter anyway.
 Im sure she misses you.
 And the presents
 I send her a check.
 I wish my grandparents did tha
 They always send me clothes.
 I'm not leaving here unless
 airplane
 it's o
 Madame, we are doing
 everything we can.
 to stay at the airport.
 If you want
 maybe we can get you on standby.
 It is a possibility
 that a seat will open up.
 - Is that okay?
 Last year I got a sv
 a sweater
 Il miss you, honey.
 Don't you get lost.
 Goodbye
 I took a shower, washing every
 body part with actual soap.
 Including all my major crevices.
 .between my toes
 and in my belly button.
 .which I never did before
 but enjayed.
 I washed my hair with adult formula
 shampoo and used creme rinse.
 I can't find my toothbrush,
 so l'll pick one up today.
 Other than that, Im in good shape.
 All right! Buzz's life savings.
 I thought the Murphys
 went to Florida.
 You're ane of the great
 cat burglars of the world.
 You think you can keep it
 with a bird knitted on it.
 Oh, that's nice.
 Not for a guy in the second grade.
 You can get beat up for wearing
 samething like that
 I have a friend who got nailed.
 ..because there was a rumor
 Excuse me. Are your parents here?
 My parents live in Paris.
 -Hi!
 - Hi!
 - Are your parents home?
 Yeah.
 he wore dinosaur pajamas
 You better run home where you belong.
 - Do they live here?
 -No.
 Why should they?
 All kids, no parents.
 Probably a fancy orphanage.
 I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
 Think about what I said.
 -All right?
 - Okay.
 H's nice talking to you.
 Nice talking to you.
 Ive never done it once.
 - Me?
 - Tough.
 - That's what Megan said.
 What did I say?
 You told him "Tough."
 The dope was whining about a suitcase.
 What was I supposed to say?
 "Congratulations, yau're an idiot?
 Yeah. You and your son.
 We'l see what happens
 Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 This is my house.
 I have to defend it.
 We'l check it out
 down a little in there?
 - I'm not an idiot!
 You've reached the Murphy's.
 Please leave a message after the beep.
 This is Peter McCalister again.
 We're in Paris at my brother's.
 Let me give you the number here
 The country code is 33.
 The area code is 1-4 and the number
 is 694-876.
 - Hey, Harry.
 - Yeah?
 Realy?
 You're helpless! We have to do
 everything for you.
 - She's right, Kev.
 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
 I don't know how to pack
 -I hope you didn't just pack arap.
 - Shut up, Linnie.
 We can come back for the truck.
 How do you want to go in?
 We'l go to the back door.
 Maybe he'll let us in.
 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
 macaroni and cheese dinner.
 ...and the people who sold
 You know what I should pack?
 Buzz told you, cheek-face.
 Tailet paper and water.
 What are you so worried about?
 You know Mom's gonna
 it on sale.
 This is it. Dont
 Merry Christmas, little fe
 That house we ran last night,
 t get scared now.
 was that the MoCalister's?
 - Call me in Paris.
 - You're right. They're gone.
 -I knew they were.
 -Siver tuna tonight
 We know that you're in there,
 and that you're all alone.
 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
 H's Santy Claus and his elf.
 We're nat gonna hurt you.
 pack your stuff, anyway.
 You're what the French call
 les incompetents.
 Wow
 How may I help you?
 Is this toothbrush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 Well, I don't know.
 It doesn't say, hon.
 Can you please find out?
 -Herb.
 What?
 Bombs away!
 S. You have to sleep
 on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
 If he has something to drink,
 he'll wet the bed.
 This house is so full of people
 No, no. Gat some nice
 presents for you.
 Be a good little fella now
 and open the dor.
 What?
 What? What?
 P.S.
 What?
 What happened?
 -Get that little.
 it makes me sick!
 Yeah?
 When I grow up and get married,
 I'm living alone!
 Did you hear me?
 I'm living alone!
 I'm living alone!
 Who's gonna feed your spider?
 He just ate a load of mice guts.
 He'll be good for a couple weeks.
 Is it true French babes
 don't shave their pits?
 I got a question here
 about a toothbrush.
 Hello.
 Do you know, is this brush approved
 by the American Dental Association?
 I don't know.
 Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
 Wait, you have to pay for that.
 Yes! Yes!
 The little jerk is armed!
 That's it! I'm going in the front.
 You go down the basement!
 Oh, boy. That's it, you little.
 Son! Son!
 You little..
 Jimmy, stop that boy!
 Hey!
 Shoplifter!
 Hey! Hey, kid!
 Come back here!
 Stop it, will you?
 Come here.
 'm a criminal.
 What's so funny?
 What's so funny?
 Why are you laughing?
 You did it again.
 You left the water running.
 Why do you do that?
 I told you nat to do i
 - I's our calling card.
 - Calling card.
 All the great ones leave their mark
 We're the wet bandits.
 You're sick, you know?
 You're really sick.
 I'm not sick.
 No, not this time, you little brat.
 You little creep, where are you?
 Some don't.
 Yes!
 is head off.
 But they gat nude beaches.
 Not in the winter.
 You're dead, kid.
 Where are you, you little creep?!
 Hary, I'm coming in!
 Oh, no! I'm really scared.
 Don't you know how to knock,
 phlegm wad?
 Can I sloep here?
 I don't want to sleap with Fuller.
 If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
 H's too late for you, kid, we're
 in the house. We're gonna get you.
 Okay, come and get me!
 Why, you.
 Now you're dead!
 f'm gonna kill that kid!
 Why'd you take your shoes off?
 Why are you dressed like a chicken?
 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
 if you were growing on my ass.
 Check it aut.
 Old man Marlay.
 Who's he?
 You ever heard of the South Bend
 Shovel Slayer?
 That's him.
 In '58 he murdered his whole family
 and half the people on his block.
 I'm up here, you morons.
 Come and get me.
 You guys give up, or are you
 thirsty for more?
 Heads up!
 Don't worry.
 with a snow shovel.
 n hiding out
 in this neighborhood ever since.
 If he's the shavel slayer,
 how come the cops don't arrest him?
 Not enough evidence to convict.
 They never found the bodies.
 Everyone around here knows he did it.
 HIl just be a matter of time..
 ..before he does it again.
 What's he doing?
 Ben
 Marv.
 - Yes, you are
 IH's a sick thing to do.
 ril get him for you.
 Yes!
 - We don't need that.
 He's only a kid, Harry.
 - Don't tel me.
 I can do it if I want to
 It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
 Heyl Hey!
 You've gotta watch for traffic.
 - Sorry.
 We can take him.
 Ah, shut up, will you?
 What is it?
 You're missing some teeth
 Where? It's my gold tooth.
 My gold tooth. I'l kill him.
 He walks up and down the stroets
 every night.
 --salting the sidewaks.
 Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
 No way.
 See that garbage can ful of salt?
 That's where he keeps his victims.
 The salt tums the bodies
 - Damn.
 rIl kill him!
 Santy don't visit
 the funeral homes, buddy.
 Okay, okay
 Merry Christmas.
 What's the matter?
 I don't like the way
 You bomb me with
 e can, kid
 .and l snap off your cojanes
 one more a
 and boil them in motor ail!
 911 emergency.
 Hello, my house is being robbed.
 that kid looked at me.
 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
 My name is Murphy.
 into mummies.
 Ever seen him before?
 -I saw a hundred kids this week
 Let's see what house he goes into.
 Why's he going faster?
 I told you something's wrong.
 He looked at me weird.
 Why would he run?
 Maybe he went in the church.
 I'm not going in there.
 - Me neither
 Let's get aut of here.
 When those guys come back,
 ni be ready.
 Did they come back?
 From Paris?
 We'l come back tomorrow.
 Mummies!
 You never know what's up there.
 Look out!
 How you kids doing?
 There he is!
 I got you! I got him, Harry.
 I got him.
 Harry, give me a hand!
 I got him!
 Harry, help me. Get up!
 I got him.
 What are you doing?
 Harry, don't move.
 Don't move.
 Marv, what are you doing?
 Did I get him?
 Did I get him?!
 Good?
 Lot of action around here today, huh?
 Going on vacation?
 Where you going?
 You hear me, or what?
 Going on a trip?
 Where you going, kid?
 Okay, that's $122.50.
 Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
 You just around for the holidays?
 You could say that.
 Pizza's here!
 Where is it? Where is it?
 Maybe they'll be gone.
 We better go before somebody soes us
 - There you go.
 That's $122.50.
 Never mind that. Here!
 How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
 Get that kid, before L.
 Get that kidt
 Where'd he go?
 Maybe he committed suicide.
 Down here, you big horse's ass!
 Come get me before I call the police.
 - Lat's get him!
 -Wait, wait.
 It's my brather's house.
 He'll get it
 Hey, listen.
 -Are you Mr. McCallister?
 - Yeah.
 Look what I found in the kitchen
 Frank, those are for later.
 Do you want a ittla shrimp. huh?
 Do you speak English?
 Well, in there.
 Did you get anybody?
 -I am looking for my son!
 No, I can't find anybody.
 They're all shopping.
 Nobody's home for the holidays.
 Never mind, forget it.
 - This is so pointless.
 The Mr. MoCallister who lives here?
 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50
 rd ike a word with you.
 Am I under arrest or something?
 There's always a lot of burglaries
 around the holidays.
 We're checking the neighborhood to see
 if the proper precautions are taken.
 We have automatic timers for our
 lights, locks for our doors
 It's just what he wants us to do
 Go back through his fun house
 so we get all tore up.
 He's gonna call
 From a tree house?!
 胁 褋芯褉械!
 -What?
 Come on,
 We're here rotting in this apartment.
 Kavin's at home.
 Mom's at the airport.
 Out the window?
 That's about as well
 I'm not going out the window.
 Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
 Come on, get aut hare.
 as anybody can do.
 Did you get some eggnog?
 Come on
 So?
 -You're not worried about Kevin?
 Why should I be? He acted ike a jerk
 and now he caught it in the butt.
 He's so little and halpless.
 Don't you think he's freaked?
 The trout can use a couple of days
 Come on.
 Let's eat
 Come on!
 -Come on. Keep
 Let's go back, Harry.
 Come on
 -Eggnog?
 - Pizza!
 - Aro you gonna be leaving.?
 in the real world.
 Hey, guys!
 Check this out.
 - Pizza!
 You're not worried
 something might happen?
 No. For three reasons:
 A I'm not that lucky
 Grab a napkin
 Go back. Go back.
 and pour your own drinks
 - Does Santa go through oustoms?
 -What time do we have to go to bed?
 Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
 On the button.
 I hope you're all drinking milk.
 I want to get rid of it
 -Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus fip.
 For pizza?
 There he is!
 Hey, Im calling the cops!
 Wait, wait!
 Two: We have smoke detectors.
 .and D: We live in the most boring
 street in the United States..
 He wants us to follow him.
 I got a better idea, Come on.
 Hiya, pal.
 We outsmarted you this time.
 ..where nothing even remotely
 dangerous will ever happen. Period.
 Who is it?
 Get aver here!
 It's Little Nero's.
 What are you gorna do, Harry?
 l do exactly what he did to us.
 Burn his head with a blowtorch
 I have your pizza.
 Leave it on the doorstep
 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
 - You've got money.
 Traveler's checks
 and get out of here
 l smash his face with an iron.
 rd ike to slap him
 Forget it, Frank. We have cash
 You probably got the checks
 Okay.
 What about the money?
 What money?
 in the face with a paint can!
 that dan't work in France.
 Shove a nail through his foot!
 I'm gonna bite off every one o
 these little fingers, one at a time.
 Well, you have to pay
 Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
 Yeah. But if you want any.
 somebody's gonna have to barf it up
 because it's gone.
 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
 Kevt Kev, get a plate.
 - Passports!
 sir.
 Is that a fact?
 Come on. Let's get you home.
 Wow! This is great.
 Nice move,
 How much do I owe you?
 That'll be $11.80.
 leaving the water running.
 Now we know each and every house
 that you've hit
 We've been looking for you guys
 for a long time.
 Yeah. Well, remember,
 Keep the change, you filthy animal.
 - Cheapskate.
 - Hey.
 I'm gonna give you
 Watch it!
 No, no. Get these passports
 out of here.
 to the count of ten.
 . to get your ugly. yellow..
 ... no-good keister
 off my property.
 before I pumo you full of lead.
 Are you okay, honey? Come hera.
 Ara you all right?
 What is the matter with you?
 we're the "Wet Bandits."
 - Wet Bandits, thal's W-E-T.
 - Shut up! Get in the car!
 He ate my pizza on purpose.
 He knows I hate sausage and olives
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 Get upstairs now.
 Why?
 One, two... ten.
 Hey, come
 Come on.
 Alovely cheese pizza, just for me
 To Dallas/Forth Worth.
 -Hand off the head, pall!
 Come on
 I'm a bad parent. Im a bad parent.
 American Airlines.
 So we have the $500.
 the pocket translator.
 No, you're not
 You're such a disease.
 You're beating yourself up there.
 This happens.
 These things happen, you know.
 You want to tak about bad parents?
 Shut up!
 鈥瀟he two first-class seats
 - Kevin, upstairs!
 Say good night, Kevin.
 - "Good night, Kevin."
 Why do I get treated ike scum?
 Im sorry. This house is just orazy
 thaf's an upgrade.
 Is that a real Rolax?
 -Do you think it is?
 Look at us
 - No
 But who can tell?
 We're on the road 48, 49 weaks a year.
 We hardly see our families.
 We've got all these extra kids
 running around.
 My brother's in from Ohio.
 I also have a ring
 Oh, that is beautiful
 They're boarding.
 Joe, over there. Gosh, you know..
 he forgets his kids' names
 half the time.
 Ziggy over there,
 he's never even met his kid.
 Eddy. Let's just hope
 She's offered us two first-class
 How come you didnit bring
 tickets if we go Friday.
 Plus a ring, a watch,
 a pocket trarnslator, $500 and..
 The earrings.
 She's got her own earrings
 A whole shoebax full of them.
 -Come on, come on
 No. but.
 more cheese pizzas?
 Nice tip. Thanks.
 Having a reunion?
 none of them write a book about him.
 Tell me, have you gone on vacation
 nd left your child haome?
 No.
 My husband's brother transferred
 to Paris. His kids are still here.
 He missed the family,
 po he invited us to Paris.
 ...so we'll be together.
 You're taking a trip to Paris?
 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
 But I did leave one
 at a funeral parlor once.
 Im desperate.
 Yeah, it was ternble top
 I'm begging you.
 From a mother to a mother,. Please!
 I was all distraught and everything
 The wife and I, we left the litle
 Excellent. Excellent.
 -Oh, Ed.
 tyke there in the funeral parlo.
 All day. You know, we went
 f you'll excuse me, this one's
 -Please!
 Oh, all right
 "Dear Santa, I got a ittle sister
 last year.
 This vear Fd rather have
 a little out of sorts.
 back at night, when we..
 Don't worry about me.
 I spoke to your husband.
 And don't worry about your home.
 Il's in good hands.
 There are 15 people, and only you
 ...came to our senses,
 there he was.
 Apparently, he was there
 some Clay-Doh.
 all day with a corpse.
 I didn't mean it.
 If you come back, Pll never be
 a pain in the butt again.
 I promise. Good night.
 I'm dreaming
 Of a white
 Christmas
 Now, he was okay
 You know, afer six, seven weeks.
 He came around
 and started talking again.
 They get over it.
 have to make trouble.
 I'm getting dumped on
 You're the only one acting up.
 Now get upstairs.
 I am upstairs, dummy!
 Kids are resilient like that.
 We shouldn'E talk about this.
 I was just trying to cheer you up.
 I'm sorry I did.
 Mom?
 The third floor?
 -Go.
 -If's scary up there
 Fulerli be up in
 I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
 Just like the ones
 Iused to know
 Where those treetops glisten
 And children listen
 To hear sleigh bells
 In the snow
 Mom?
 He wets the bed.
 Kevin!
 He'll pee all over me. I know it,
 We'l put him somewhere else.
 Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
 Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
 The snow
 Im sorry.
 t's too late. Get upstairs
 Everyone in this family hates me!
 Then ask Santa for a new family.
 I don't want a new family. I don't
 want any family. Families suck!
 Stay up there. I don't want
 to see you again tonight.
 I don't want to see you
 for the rest of my life.
 Are those microwave dinnors good?
 I don't know.
 Where's everybody else?
 Oh, baby, they couldn't oome.
 They wanted to so much.
 I didn't fal asleep in the back
 and drool all over you, did ?
 - You do drool!
 Shut up!
 Kevin, my boy. How are you?
 You're all right.
 I love you. You okay?
 t's cool that you didn't
 Pl give them a whirl.
 Hold on, I got a coupon for that
 It was in the paper this moming.
 $19.83.
 Okay.
 Are you here all
 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
 yourself?
 I don't want to see
 anybody else either.
 I hope you don't mean that.
 You'd feel pretty sad if you wake up
 and didn't have a family.
 No, I wouldn't.
 Then say it again.
 Maybe itll happen.
 I hope I never see any
 of you jerks again!
 I wish they would all just disappear.
 Where are thay'?
 -I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
 You think I'd be here alone?
 I don't think so.
 Where's your mom?
 In the car.
 Where's your dad?
 -He's at work.
 burn the place down.
 Thanks, Buzz.
 Wait a minute.
 How'd you guys get hame?
 On the moming flight you didn't
 What about brothers and sisters?
 Oh, no. Oh! Thank you
 - Merry Christmas.
 Merry Christmas.
 Someone has to find an open store.
 I went shopping yesterday.
 You, shopping?
 I got some milk, eggs
 Im an only child.
 Where do you live?
 -I can't tell you.
 Why not?
 -Cause you're a
 Hello, Kevin!
 Peter!
 Shut up!
 I don't get it.
 It looks like there's nobody's homn.
 Last night the place is jumping.
 Something ain't right.
 We slept in!
 Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
 Live across the street.
 You guys going out of bown?
 We're going to Flarida
 Well, first we're going to Missouri
 to pick up my grandma
 and fabric softener.
 What?
 - No kidding?
 What a funny guy.
 What else did you do
 while we were away?
 Just hung around.
 Bring your stuff upstairs.
 He went shopping? He doesn't know haw
 to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
 Honey, what's this?
 Kevinl What did you do
 to my room?
 Go check it aut.
 Now?
 No, tomorrow, egghead!
 Now! Go ahead.
 You know the McCallisters
 are going to France?
 Do you know if it's cold?
 -Do these vans get good mileage?
 - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
 "Now."
 Shit!
 Get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny.
 But what about my money?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had
 some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C.
 Aint in charge no more.
 What do you mean?
 Do a head count.
 Get everyone in the vans.
 Where are the passports?
 I put them in the microwave to dry.
 How fast does this go?
 Does it have automatic transmission?
 Does it have d
 Look, I told you before, kid
 +wheel drive?
 Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
 Line up in front of the van.
 Line up and shut up!
 He's upstairs, taking a bath.
 He'll call you when he gets out
 Hey, I tell you what I'm
 gonna give you, Snakes.
 -Snakes?
 Wow!
 Shut up!
 I need a head caunt.
 One, two, three.
 Eleven, 92, 12.
 - Pl give you to the count of ten..
 ... to get your ugly.
 yellow, no-good.
 .keister off my property..
 before I pump you full of lead.
 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.
 Im going
 Buzz, don't be a moron.
 Six, seven, eight.
 .rine, 10, 11
 Okay, half in this van,
 half in this one. Let's go
 Have a good trip.
 Bring me back something Franch.
 There's no way we'll make this plane.
 It leaves in 45 minutes,
 Think positive!
 One, two. ten.
 Keep the change, you fithy animal.
 What happened?
 I don't know who, but somebody
 just got blown away.
 Somebady beat us,
 they're in there
 You be positive.
 Il be reaistic.
 Excuse me, your power is fixed.
 .but the phones are a mess.
 HIl take a couple of days to fix..
 .especially around the holidays.
 Two of them.
 There was arguing
 One blew the other one away.
 -Thanks.
 - Who?
 I don't know
 I recognized one of their voices.
 I heard that name "Snakes" before.
 Did you count heads?
 Eleven, including me.
 Five boys, six girls,
 fwo drivers.
 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
 I don't know no Snakes
 Snakes. Lef's get aut of here.
 .and a partridge in a pear tree
 Hold the plane!
 -Did we miss it?
 Hold it. Hold it.
 Let's wait and see who it is.
 We work this neighborhood too
 Suppose the cops finger us
 for a job.
 ...and they ask us about
 a murder in the area.
 You just made
 Single seats only in conch
 Take whatever's fre
 I get a window seat!
 Kids are in coach, we're first class.
 -Seats Four A and B.
 Four A and D, ril take your coats.
 Wouldn't it be nice to have
 Fasten your seat belts.
 -Champagne, please,
 -If's free, isn'Y it?
 Oh, yes
 We made it.
 Do you believe it?
 Hope we didn't forget anything
 a face to go with it?
 That's a good idoa
 Of course it's a good idea.
 Snakes?
 He sounded ike a snake
 Everything's ful.
 Everything's full?
 Im very sorry, but
 Mom?
 That's real. It's real crystal.
 Yeah, so?
 Put them in your purse.
 Frank, I can't do that
 Just. Put them in your pursel
 Yeah. Fil it up.
 Fill it up.
 Fill it up, please.
 Thank you.
 Don't you feel like a heel, flying
 first class with the kids in ooach?
 No. The kids are fine.
 it is Christmas Eve.
 What about another airline?
 Nothing available.
 May I help you get a hotel room?
 Tomorrow we can get you a fight.
 I can't wait that long.
 Im sorry, ma'am, but we're
 doing absolutely everything we can.
 Im in your way. I'm sorry.
 You've places to ga.
 Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me
 Look, I have been awake
 for almost 60 hours.
 The only time I ever f
 in the station wagan, not to France.
 We had to go to Aunt Laura
 I'm tired and I'm dirty.
 I have been from Chicago to Paris,
 to Dallas, to. Where am 1?
 and Uncle Arthur's
 Kids are okay. They're having
 Scranton.
 I'm trying to get home
 to my 8-year-old son.
 Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
 m sorry.
 the time of their lives.
 Hello?
 Mom?
 Dad?
 Where are you guya?
 Buzz?
 Megan?
 Hello?
 No. No way.
 This is Christmas!
 The season of perpetual hope.
 IHI have to get on
 your runway and hitchhike.
 Rod?
 Unole Frank?
 Unale Frank, is this a joke?
 Megan? Linnie?
 Is this a joka?
 H's anly my imagination.
 Only my imagination.
 .if it costs me averything I own..
 if I have to sel my soul
 to the Devil himself.
 .I am going to get home to my son.
 Ma'am, there was anything.
 Do it. Do anything.
 -I can get you a hotel room.
 What?
 Can you excuse us for a sec?
 Can I see you for a second, please?
 The cars are still here.
 They didn't go to the airport!
 I made my family disappear.
 You're completely helpless.
 You know, Kevin.
 you're what the French call
 les incompetents
 Kevin, I'm going to feed you
 to my tarantula
 Kevin, you are such a disease.
 There are 15 people, and you're
 the only or
 Excuse us.
 You got a little bit of a dilemma.
 We got a crisis ourselves.
 Allow me to introduce myself.
 Gus Polinski.
 Polka King of the Midwest?
 The Kenosha Kickers?
 trouble.
 -Hi there.
 - Hiya
 That's okay. I thought you might
 have recognized.
 I had a few hits a fow years ago
 That's why I just.
 "Polka, Polka, Polka"?
 Polka, polka, polka
 "Twin Lakes Polika"?
 "Yamahoozie Polka." a.k.a.
 Look what you did, you little jerk!
 I made my family disappear.
 Im free!
 Wow!
 No clathes on anybody.
 Sickening!
 Coll Firecrackers!
 fll save these for later.
 Buzz, I'm going through
 all your private stuff.
 You better come out and pound mel
 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof
 Who is it?
 ts me. Snakes
 I got the
 Leave it on the doorstop
 and get the hell out of here.
 All right, Johnny,
 but what about my monay?
 What money?
 A.C. Said you had some dough for me.
 Is that a fact?
 "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist?
 These are songs?
 Yeah. Yeah, we.
 Some fairly big hits for us.
 You know, in the earty "80s
 e sold about 623
 copies of that.
 -In Chicago?
 - No, Sheboygan.
 Very big in Shebaygan.
 Did you say you could help?
 Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
 Our flight was canceled.
 ..so we're gonna drive. See the guy
 in the yellow jacket aver there?
 He's gonna rent us a nice big van
 to drive to Milwaukee.
 Now, I heard you had some problems
 getting to Chicago?
 To see your kid or something?
 Uh, my son. He.
 We left, and he's there.
 How much do I owe you?
 A.C. Said ten percent.
 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more
 Guys, I'm eating junk
 and watching rubbisht
 You batter come out and stop me!
 He'll call you when he gets out.
 rIl tell you what I'm gonna
 give you.
 I'm gonna give you to
 If you have to get to Chicago,
 we'll gladly drive you.
 It's on the way to Milwaukee.
 - You'd give me a ride?
 - Sure, why not?
 a ome.
 the count of ten.
 et your ugly, yellow.
 ... no-good keister off my property.
 before I pump your guts
 full of lead.
 All right, I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 One, two. ten.
 You've got to get h
 -A ride to Chicaga?
 - Sure, its Christmastime.
 Thank you. Oh, thank you.
 You don't mind going with polka bums?
 No, I'd love to.
 Keep the change,
 you fithy animal.
 Mom!
 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
 What's the matter?
 Look at this.
 I think we're getting scammed
 by a kindergartner
 Dad, can you come here
 and help me
 Honey?
 I have a terrible feeling.
 About what?
 That we didn't do something.
 You feel that way because
 we left in a hurry.
 Remember that kid
 we saw the other day?
 of everything.
 He lives here
 We took care
 Did I turn off the coffee?
 If the kid's here,
 the parent's got to be.
 I did.
 Did you lock up?
 He's home alone.
 What? You want to come
 Yeah.
 back tonight?
 Even with the kid here?
 I don't think thaf's a good idea.
 Did you alose the garage?
 That's it.
 I forgat to dlose the garage.
 Thal's it
 That house is the reason
 we worked this block.
 No, that's not it.
 Ever since I saw that house,
 I wanted it.
 Let's take it one step at a time.
 Wel unload the van, get a bite
 What else could we be forgetting?
 螝伪谓in!
 The captain's doing all he can.
 Your phones are out of order.
 Wel call when we land.
 Im sure it's okay.
 to eat, we'l come back about 9:00.
 Nine o'clock.
 This way it's dark then
 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
 Horible, Horible.
 You're afraid of the dark too.
 You know you are.
 Just horrible.
 How could we do this?
 We forgot him.
 We didn't forget him,
 we just miscounted.
 No, I'm not.
 - Yes, you are
 Not, not not.
 You are so.
 Mom, where are you?
 Do you play?
 Do you want to try? Go ahead,
 try it. Try it!
 What kind of mother am 1?
 If it makes you feel any better,
 I forgat my reading giasses.
 Five families gone
 an ane block alone.
 - Excuse me.
 - Yeah?
 Hey, nice shoes.
 Oh, thanks.
 Is he still here? It's really
 important that I sea him.
 He's getting in his car.
 If you hurry, you can catch him.
 How lowl Giving Kriss Kringle
 a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
 What's next, rabies shots
 They all told me from their
 own mouths.
 H's almost too easy.
 Check it out:
 Al the houses with nobody home.
 ...have automatic timers
 an their lights.
 But I got it all figured out.
 Watch this.
 Number 064 will be going on
 right about.
 for the Easter Bunny?
 Wait, wait, wait.
 Santa, hold on
 - Can I talk to you for a minute?
 - Quickly
 Santa's running late.
 I know you're not
 the real Santa Claus.
 Huh, what makes you say that?
 Just out of curiosity.
 - I'm old enough to know how it works.
 All right.
 But I also know you work for him.
 Number 682..
 right now.
 Wait a minute.
 ...now
 And that's the one, Marvin.
 That's the silver tuna.
 t's very G.
 Very G, huh? It's loaded.
 It's got lats of tap-fight goods.
 - Stereos, VCRS.
 - Toys?
 Probably looking at some
 very fine jawelry.
 Possible cash harde.
 - l'd like you to give him a message.
 - Shoot.
 Kevin McCallister, 681
 Do you need the phone number?
 No, that's all right.
 This is extremely important.
 Please tell him instead of presents,
 I just want my family back.
 No toys. Nathing but Peter, Kate,
 Buzz, Mogan, Linnie and Jeff.
 And my aunt and my cousins.
 And if he has time,
 my Uncle Frank. Okay?
 Okay.
 - Pl see what I can do.
 Thanks.
 Wait. My elf took the last of the
 candy canes home to her boyfriend.
 - That's okay.
 - No, don't be silly.
 Everybody who sees Santa
 has got to get something.
 Here, hold out your little paw there.
 There you go.
 - Don't spoil your dinner.
 -I won't.
 81 Lincoln Blvd.
 Odd marketable securities.
 Who knows? It's a gem.
 Grab your crowbar.
 Crowbars up.
 You're a rotter,
 Mr. Grinch
 You're the king
 Of sinful sots
 Your heart's a dead tomato
 Blotched with moldy purple spots.
 Mr. Grinch
 Which way?
 We'l go around back,
 down the basement.
 - You said they were gone.
 - Thay were gonna leave today.
 Let's get out of here.
 We have to use the phone, please.
 H's an emergency.
 We really have to make a call.
 Please! Our brother's home alone.
 Give us the phone!
 I'm sorry. Thank you.
 I'm calling the police,
 Book us a fight home.
 Get change out of here.
 Call averybody you know.
 Here's my address book. You and Frank
 call everyone an our street.
 Maybe somebody can help us
 Hello? Hello?
 Oh, she'll have to call you back.
 This is ridiculaus.
 Only a wimp would be
 hiding under a bed
 And I can't be a wimp.
 I'm the man of the house.
 Hey, Im not afraid anymore!
 I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
 Do you hear me?
 Im not afraid anymore.
 Village police department.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 rd ike somebody to go there. Tell
 him that we're coming hame to get him.
 Okay, lat me connect you
 with Family Crisis Intervention.
 Thanks
 Son of a.!
 Merry Christmas.
 May I sit down?
 That's my granddaughter.
 The little red-haired girl.
 She's about your age.
 You know her?
 No.
 You live next to me, don't you?
 You can say helo when you see me.
 You dan't have to be afraid.
 There's a lot of things going around
 about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
 You've been good this year?
 I think so.
 You swear to it?
 No.
 Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
 if you're feeling bad about yourself.
 -It is?
 -I think so.
 Are you feeling bad about yoursel?
 -No.
 Ive been kind of a pain lately
 I said some things I shouldn't have.
 I really haven't been
 Hold on.
 Larry, can you pick up?
 There's some hyper lady on hold.
 - What line, Rose?
 - Twa.
 Family Crisis Intervention,
 Sergeant Balzac.
 I'm calling from Paris.
 I have a son who's home alone.
 too good this year.
 Yeah.
 Im kind of upset
 because I really ike my family.
 Even though sametimes I say I don't.
 Sometimes I even think I don't.
 Do you get that?
 I think so.
 How you feel about family
 Has the child been involved in
There is no Christmas without Home alone

There is no Christmas without Home alone

ifs: Gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating amusement need Wacalione. IBoy. quite Circumstances. Well, Adan teday we Bve-men. Ama! Hallelyjah? uchante, faculty, distingid bees, Please uelcome Dean Buzz well. Welcome, New Hie 0:t gradoating dass of.. rue lo r dan. Thata why into r dag. Thats why a lit of panp... park 9. under tHe -8 Cre Man. we ore! 9:15. That concludes our ceremonien Ed Cegino your Careera hanex Indestries. Wal we pich oun jol today? I heard it's just onientation. Headsop Here yo. Keep your handr ond antenas inside the b Wander whaitll Ce like? A little seay. Welcomete Flanextimes. a division of honesco and This is it! i. Wow. we knoew that yoias a lee, have known Laws of Aviation to fly According to all port of the Hexagon Groyp. There is no way a bee should be able ts wingsare too smau to get if's Fat litte body off the oraund where to it's fat liMe body off the gound This is it! wow. Wow. We know whole life to aet fo the point worked herd Cen cuorlar our valliant Pollen Jocks Lring the necter Fo the lhine. Our dop- Secret fomula is autonahically Coloyn Coreeeted Scanto adiusled, and ulle-contorncd into this soothing sweet Syrup with it distinctive golden glow you'krow as... HONEY! That was hot! she my Cousin! Sle is? The Gee, of Course whan your lagins bee's don-t Care whot humans uhole lPe. Honay fries because think is impossible.uellowblack,uelloniblack. Yell ow,black,yollow oway. Ror your you black.ooh bloack and Ue M eclars Lets Shakeit up alcttle. Bamy. breakfast is reedn Hang on a Second. Helld? - Bam? Adan? Com you I ooming! ginl lelive this is happening? I dant, Ill pick you up Yes, were al cousing Looking slorp. USse the stas Your father paid good morey Cor those. Sorm. for IM Excited. Hare's the gradwcte. Were very praud of you, son A M. A perfect repat candy, all Bt. Very Pmude MaI got sthig going hae. You of lint on e Chrome fuzz. Ow! Thats Me! waue Bary Hey, Bosg- thay foz gel: A'Y:e. specid day. gratcantion. Neva Hhought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkword. Three day College, Im glad F took a hifchhiked oreund e hive. your to es. ugflein ous 118 00 in the havve! Heyr Adan. Bue! , I tol gou, sop flying in The have! Henr Adam I bold No day and you did 莽ome vach a Mostache? Looks . good Artie, gr贸wing different Hiy Barry. alout Frankie! Yeah. You going to the funeral? No Everyhody krocusr Stidig Someone, you die. Dan't So meone die. Don't golng. ona squired. Sedh a hothead. I guess he Could have jut im nod cinste A unste it And here I was thinking school was a waste of time!
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 amusement
 need Wacalione. IBoy. quite
 Circumstances. Well, Adan teday we
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 bees, Please uelcome Dean Buzz well. Welcome, New Hie 0:t
 gradoating dass of..
 rue lo r dan. Thata why
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 a lit of panp...
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 -8
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 9:15. That concludes our ceremonien
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 jol today? I heard it's just onientation. Headsop Here
 yo. Keep your handr ond antenas inside the b
 Wander whaitll Ce like? A little seay. Welcomete Flanextimes.
 a division of honesco and
 This is it! i. Wow. we knoew that yoias a lee, have
 known Laws of Aviation
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 According
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 port of the Hexagon Groyp.
 There is no way a bee should be able
 ts wingsare too smau to get if's Fat litte body off the oraund
 where
 to
 it's fat liMe body off the gound
 This is it! wow. Wow. We know
 whole life to aet fo the point
 worked herd
 Cen cuorlar
 our valliant Pollen Jocks Lring the necter Fo the lhine.
 Our dop- Secret fomula is autonahically Coloyn Coreeeted
 Scanto adiusled, and ulle-contorncd into this soothing sweet
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 HONEY! That was hot! she my Cousin! Sle is?
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 A perfect repat candy, all Bt.
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And here I was thinking school was a waste of time!

ifs: a togand toad-are-triends My favorite thing about Thomas the Tank Engine is that in canonically takes place in a train postapocalypse where the island of Sodor is the only safe zone in a totalitarian dysnopia in which steam trains are routinely killed and their body parts are sold or canmbaled for repair If you think I'm kidding you need to read the original books leontroid eenud could you please direct me to a souroei would feel much better if this was validated. frog-and toad-are-friends S It took me so long to find this quote online but i did it because it's so much darker than one might expect from Thomas the Tank Engine Engines on the Other Railway arent sale now. Their controllers are eruel. They dont lke engines any more. They put them on cold damp sidings, and then" Percy nearly sobbed, "Ihey they cecut them up "The Bluebels of England" Stepney the Bluebel Engine. Rex Awdry, Wibert. London Egmont Pubshing 1963. This ilustration, by Gunvor and Peter fidwards, accompanied the above text in the original book, and depicts a pair of unfortunate Cther Railway engines moments before being disassembled with a blowtorch A dainydice HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THE ONE IN THE BACKGROUND THEY TOOK ITS FUCONG FACE OMG trogand toad-are-tiends zidane the early thomas the tank engine books are pretty standard stuff. saccharine bubblegum type stories and ilustrations. you watched the show, is ke that in book form. the second hall of the railway series are so fucking dark and sureal im cominced they were a result of reverend wilbur awdry doing copious amounts of lad and having hallucinations of his own death. frog-and toad-are-triends Eecuse me but the rery fest story in the Railway Series is about an engine who hides in a turnel and refuses to run because he doesn't want to pet his paint job ruined in the rain, so railway management seals off the tunnel They eventually let him out because another engine breaks down or something, but the original plan was to just leave him in there forever ahulamithbond On the show, didnt they also hook up one engine to a generator, so he'd never move again? That was iterally one of the inesIn, Is on some other post on here. I was chilling frog-and to adare-triends a Yes! This also happened in the books, to an engine refemed to only as "No. 2, but the selevision series applied the same scenario to an inwented character named "Smudger", in the episode "Granputf. "Smudges" said Duke Was a show-off. He rode roughly and often came off the rails. I warned him to be careful, but he took no notice Usten, Dukie" he snared. "Who wories about a few spils Ha aid, but Smudger lghed Unil one day. Manager said he was going to make him useful at last. Smudger stopped laughing then" Wwwhy What did he do "He tumed him ito a generator. He's sil there behind our shed. Hell never move again." deducecanse This is so fucked up 4 unclewhisky No, sten Okay, so we see Ralway Management doing all this shit, right, but supposedly ifs so much worse in the Other Ralays?i mea, sure, you might get tumed into generator or bricked into a tunnel for not doing as yo瓢re told, but at least you're not cut up and sold for parts, right? s not so bod on the island of Sodot right? a Or maybe thara just what Rulway Managament warta the engines to think Maybe the island of Sodor is the real totalitarian regime, and the engine citizens (slaves) are fed propaganda, kustrated in belish araes and sulfurie vellows,about how ilustrated in helish grays and sulfuric yellows, about how bad it is everywhere else, at all the Other Railways. You are lucky to be an engine of Seder. Railmay Management cares about you Tryst Railway Management. Stay on Your Track. It Could Be So Much Worse. connethepaganangel Wet the fuck is this train based 1984 bulshit Source frogand toad are friends 220440 netes Thomas and his friends
ifs: a togand toad-are-triends
 My favorite thing about Thomas the Tank Engine is that in
 canonically takes place in a train postapocalypse where
 the island of Sodor is the only safe zone in a totalitarian
 dysnopia in which steam trains are routinely killed and
 their body parts are sold or canmbaled for repair
 If you think I'm kidding you need to read the original
 books
 leontroid
 eenud
 could you please direct me to a souroei would feel much
 better if this was validated.
 frog-and toad-are-friends
 S
 It took me so long to find this quote online but i did it
 because it's so much darker than one might expect from
 Thomas the Tank Engine
 Engines on the Other Railway arent sale now. Their
 controllers are eruel. They dont lke engines any more.
 They put them on cold damp sidings, and then" Percy
 nearly sobbed, "Ihey they cecut them up
 "The Bluebels of England" Stepney the Bluebel
 Engine. Rex Awdry, Wibert. London Egmont
 Pubshing 1963.
 This ilustration, by Gunvor and Peter fidwards,
 accompanied the above text in the original book, and
 depicts a pair of unfortunate Cther Railway engines
 moments before being disassembled with a blowtorch
 A dainydice
 HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THE ONE IN THE BACKGROUND
 THEY TOOK ITS FUCONG FACE OMG
 trogand toad-are-tiends
 zidane
 the early thomas the tank engine books are pretty
 standard stuff. saccharine bubblegum type stories and
 ilustrations. you watched the show, is ke that in book
 form.
 the second hall of the railway series are so fucking dark
 and sureal im cominced they were a result of reverend
 wilbur awdry doing copious amounts of lad and having
 hallucinations of his own death.
 frog-and toad-are-triends
 Eecuse me but the rery fest story in the Railway Series is
 about an engine who hides in a turnel and refuses to run
 because he doesn't want to pet his paint job ruined in the
 rain, so railway management seals off the tunnel
 They eventually let him out because another engine
 breaks down or something, but the original plan was to
 just leave him in there forever
 ahulamithbond
 On the show, didnt they also hook up one engine to a
 generator, so he'd never move again? That was iterally
 one of the inesIn, Is on some other post on here. I
 was chilling
 frog-and to
 adare-triends
 a
 Yes! This also happened in the books, to an engine
 refemed to only as "No. 2, but the selevision series
 applied the same scenario to an inwented character
 named "Smudger", in the episode "Granputf.
 "Smudges" said Duke Was a show-off. He rode
 roughly and often came off the rails. I warned him to
 be careful, but he took no notice
 Usten, Dukie" he snared. "Who wories about a few
 spils
 Ha aid, but Smudger lghed
 Unil one day. Manager said he was going to make
 him useful at last. Smudger stopped laughing then"
 Wwwhy What did he do
 "He tumed him ito a generator. He's sil there behind
 our shed. Hell never move again."
 deducecanse
 This is so fucked up
 4
 unclewhisky
 No, sten
 Okay, so we see Ralway Management doing all this shit,
 right, but supposedly ifs so much worse in the Other
 Ralays?i mea, sure, you might get tumed into
 generator or bricked into a tunnel for not doing as yo瓢re
 told, but at least you're not cut up and sold for parts,
 right? s not so bod on the island of Sodot right?
 a
 Or maybe thara just what Rulway Managament warta the
 engines to think
 Maybe the island of Sodor is the real totalitarian regime,
 and the engine citizens (slaves) are fed propaganda,
 kustrated in belish araes and sulfurie vellows,about how
 ilustrated in helish grays and sulfuric yellows, about how
 bad it is everywhere else, at all the Other Railways.
 You are lucky to be an engine of Seder.
 Railmay Management cares about you
 Tryst Railway Management.
 Stay on Your Track.
 It Could Be So Much Worse.
 connethepaganangel
 Wet the fuck is this train based 1984 bulshit
 Source
 frogand toad are friends
 220440 netes
Thomas and his friends

Thomas and his friends