Humans of Tumblr
Humans of Tumblr
Humans of Tumblr: Elvish Presley @_elvishpresley. if he calls it a. cock watches too much porn dick too much seth rogen movies penis nerd alert wang lives with mom hog trump supporter wand double nerd alert wiener wears socks to bed knob british the d train call the cops mister boopsy keeper 9:30 AM- 3/1/19 Twitter for iPhone
Humans of Tumblr: Olivia Bowen Buckland @OliviaDBuck Isn't it cute that you literally tell your best friends everything like no embarrassment no shame nothing hidden. That's a proper best friend.
Humans of Tumblr: im a nice person but im about to start throwing rocks at people
Humans of Tumblr: Saint Bob Payne @readyforpayne Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day you will be able to do whatever you want and you will choose to stay home alone
Humans of Tumblr: I felt this one. Everything going wrong in life A haircut
Humans of Tumblr: nick @nickccerino i'm comfortable with you if: 1.i'm extremely weird around you 2. i sing random lyrics out of no where 3. i speak absolute nonsense 24/7
Humans of Tumblr: Rooster Mustache @RoosterMustache Me: have a nice day sir *guy leaves store, gets hit by car crossing street* *i run out, kneel beside him* what did I just fucken tell you 3/29/16, 12:31 PM 4,766 RETWEETS 8,349 LIKES
Humans of Tumblr: All I do is rotate 3 outfits talk shit and have panic attacks
Humans of Tumblr: Danny watson @danny_watson93 Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally buy everyone 8 rounds of shots?
Humans of Tumblr: Lukas Wilke @lukas_wilkeee "girls are hard to please" Today 10:56 thanks for the cheese stick can't wait to marry you
Humans of Tumblr: Andy Ryan @ltsAndyRyan First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancerS Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos 5/18/16, 1:36 AM 5,998 RETWEETS 10.6K LIKES
Humans of Tumblr: "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Me:
Humans of Tumblr: me: "ugh don't let me buy anything extra when we go to target" @bustle also me: (via: Bustle)
Humans of Tumblr: @NotNikk dating someone based ONLY on looks is shallow af. consider other things, like do they have a lot of money?
Humans of Tumblr: JB KNOCKOUT @JbKnockout Who needs LSD when instead you can have low iron and trip out every time you stand up too quickly
Humans of Tumblr: Adam @itsadamm I skip Instagram stories too fast and end up voting on things by accident so I'm sorry if I said your dog was ugly
Humans of Tumblr: Lil G-Pug @gogglepossum Friend: Do one thing every day that scares you Me: [leaves the house] this is awful
Humans of Tumblr: Paige Alena @itspaigealena me: if you drink this coffee you're gonna get jittery and anxious and you're gonna feel sick later. my brain: good bean juice taste like chocolate make me go fast
Humans of Tumblr: Joe @jodeefarris you dont realize how bad your past relationships are until you're with someone who treats you right and you're like oh i'm not supposed to cry at least three times a week????
Humans of Tumblr: Lil Spoon @heygetoverhere BURGLAR: *points gun at me* "Alright buddy just show me where your valubles are and I won't hurt you" ME: "Haha sure thing dude-ALEXA CALL THE POLICE" ALEXA: "Shuffling songs by The Police" "Roxanne plays as I get shot 16 times*
Humans of Tumblr: me, enjoying my life being a dumb bitch
Humans of Tumblr: when your girl's in a bad mood and she starts to take it out on you I'm here to help. Don't eat the help.
Humans of Tumblr: tori @torii somerss bf took me to get undies n he wanted to embarrass me so he said real loud: "i can't wait to rip these off with my teeth" n i replied with: "seriously u need to stop, ur my brother" I won 7/3/18, 4:22 PM
Humans of Tumblr: holaola @olerrss my mom after I've been moved out for 2 weeks ooooo T-Mobile LTE 9:53 PM C@1O% 71% DI MA Remember when you used to live with us
Humans of Tumblr: smerobin @smerobin My husband just bought ice cream with raisins. So, that was a furn marriage.
Humans of Tumblr: Tweet Lauren Russ @laurenpaige_21 I'll never forget one time l was crying over a guy and my dad just looked at me and said "you gotta be tough if you're gunna be stupıd" and I've never heard more true words
Humans of Tumblr: anthony @xforcades4 me: *gets in uber* me: hi uber driver: hey me: driver: me: driver: *arrived* me:
Humans of Tumblr: Chelsi Cornelius @Chelsianne91 I hate when girls act like they are too good for McDonalds. Talking about "l care what goes in my body" Stacy I have seen yours exes no you do not.
Humans of Tumblr: Hey sexy Ur gorgeous. If you were a vegetable youd be a cutecumber Sent If you were a vegetable I'd pull the plug Look how they massacred my boy
Humans of Tumblr: hanw @hannnahmarbach literally every person is messed up, so pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it
Humans of Tumblr: when you put your glasses on
Humans of Tumblr: Dan @ehdannyboy Wife: So the genie gave you just the one Wish? Me: yep Wife: And you couldn't think of something, I don't know, slightly beneficial? Me: Susan, there is nothing MORE beneficial! My cat: yeah susan fuck off
Humans of Tumblr: My future children are going to have so many aunts and uncles that aren't even biologically related to thenm
Humans of Tumblr: When you're a good boy but your friends get you into some sketchy shit
Humans of Tumblr: Fat Ass Kelly Price @yayraahosi My brother told me he was tired of seeing me drive old cars so he bought me a new one!!!! So thankful a real nigga bday @ReggieBoomin My siblings don't even bring me toilet paper when I need it
Humans of Tumblr: You and your significant other looking at each other trying to figure out how to dip out of a social event early
Humans of Tumblr: Madison @madisonhkays What's the most middle school thing you remember Jayda Lauryn @geekly_sneaks "Wear a skirt with me tomorrow"
Humans of Tumblr: Alaska Marie Wednesday at 9:49 PM S O+ did it hurt when u fell from the vending machine? Cuz u a snacK
Humans of Tumblr: Mandingo Ovary Buster @Womb_Beater 69 So my son who is 13 just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson
Humans of Tumblr: Jenna Cherry @jennacherry 10 There's 7 billion people in this world and you think I'm gonna let one customer with a bad attitude to ruin my day??? damn right I am I'll probably even go cry in the freezer too
Humans of Tumblr: Lizzy @Lizzytrizzy My dad told me he takes $3-5 dollars out my step mom's purse without her knowing everyday, hides it under the mattress until he collects $100 and then he tells her "here's $100 go to the mall" LMFAOOOO YEOOO??
Humans of Tumblr: Zebadiah @Trapolalh Ever meet someone & the two of you just undeniably click? No awkward stage, no anxiety, they just radiate good vibes...Yeah that's the best.
Humans of Tumblr: College Student @CollegeStudent Someone should make a cooking show and the chefs are college students who are down to their very last grocery items. If u wanna see creativity that's where its at
Humans of Tumblr: Me: * has panic attack, overacts, cries and breaks down* Things: * turn out okay* Me:
Humans of Tumblr: "Live, laugh, love" "Bless this mess" "Dance like no ones watching'"
Humans of Tumblr: zander @alezander my therapist said that money may not buy you happiness but it does buy you a better quality of misery. i felt that.
Humans of Tumblr: abby is at dodie @MONSTERLIVE a quick grammar lesson! doesn't does not they're they are you're you are my fire the one desire believe when i say i want it that way
Humans of Tumblr: mia @miamorelli honestly the peak of high school was when my ex called the police on me for calling him Mr. 4 inches and they showed up at my door with the tweet printed out and laminated
Humans of Tumblr: What if dogs are way smarter than we think and they just play dumb so they don't have to work and pay taxes.
Humans of Tumblr: ditch pony @molly7anne cut negativity out of your life. delete Facebook. block your landlord's number. uninstall your banking app. stop paying taxes. forget math. self care