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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Bad, Head, and Iron Man: saltyaboutfictionalcharacters: sam-falcon-wilson: cyclesofthemoon: professionallyprocrastinating: antisolanum: teameveryonebutironman: i-love-tony-stark: sam-falcon-wilson: I need to talk about this scene. This scene actually, physically hurt me when I watched it in theaters, and cemented Iron Man as a bad guy in my head. Sam Wilson saw his friend get shot out of the air. He was too late to save him; he watched his wingman die, and he was powerless to do anything. So imagine how he feels when the shot that was meant to hit him hits Rhodey, who begins to plummet towards the ground. He immediately dives after him with zero hesitation, but he’s just not fast enough. He even apologizes to Tony, although he has nothing to apologize for. And do you know what Tony does? He shoots him. Point blank. I don’t care if Tony didn’t know about Riley. It doesn’t matter. Sam Wilson just risked his life going after Rhodey, probably having flashbacks the entire way down, and he fails. Again. And Tony doesn’t care. He shoots him, and he’s so close that the force of the shot sends Sam somersaulting backwards. Sam did nothing to injure Rhodey in any way, and even tries to help, and Tony. Fricking. S h o o t s. H i m. How can you support or stan this disgusting man? Also, if I recall correctly, Sam Wilson served as a pararescue airman. That means he’s a trained medic, he could have helped Rhodey and probably would have if Tony hadn’t shot him point blank in the chest. Yeah, either tony is that much of an asshole that he didn’t bother to get to know Sam despite him being part of the team for two years or he’s that much of an asshole that he shot a trained medic in the chest. And let’s not forget that using a repulsor blast that powerful, powerful enough to throw him back like he was shot with a shotgun, at relatively close range, on a target with no power armor (and no the falcon suit doesn’t count, it’s for flight not protection) could easily have killed him. Shock, cracking his head on the ground, stopping his heart from the force, that could have killed him. I mean, sam’s a tough cookie, but that wasn’t “the hulk punching thor after the battle because he didn’t forget about his insult from earlier, but they both know he’s gonna be alright” it’s “Tony is so selfish that he is willing to potentially kill sam because he hurt rhodey” Despite all of this, Sam’s first words to Tony, after being imprisoned thanks to him, is “How is Rhodes?” Concern for a former team-mate is still foremost in his mind, despite the fact that going back to help, rather than following Steve and Bucky to help them in Siberia, is what landed Sam in the Raft. Then Sam turns around, and we see that half of his face is one massive bruise, and he is moving slowly. Yeah, no, that is never going to be justifiable. … Also, what is to say that Rhodey’s injuries weren’t made worse by Tony’s attempts to help, since the guy with medical training was injured and potentially unconscious thanks to Iron Man ‘getting angry and reacting’. Sam Wilson wasn’t offering to help. Sam Wilson was standing there, looking at him, and the guy with PTSD and trust issues properly assumed that the fucker would take another shot. Like, you’re expecting him to think clearly? Why would he react any other way? Yeah, I expect him to think clearly. He’s an adult. Cut it out with the PTSD defense; just because someone has a mental illness like that doesn’t excuse their actions. Sam also has PTSD. He was probably having a vivid flashback to the time his friend died in front of him in much the same way. So, excuse him for sitting there, reliving all his past mistakes, beating himself up because maybe if he has been faster, or if he had done this or that, Rhodey wouldn’t be paralyzed. Get the hell off my post with your gross Tonky defense and cry to someone who cares, because I don’t. plus, sam did nothing to rhodey. all he did was dodge a shot from vision that would have killed him if it connected. he has no protection in his flight gear so if he fell from the height that rhodey did he would have died. Tony shot him for not allowing himself to be killed, even when he was apologizing and could have helped rhodey. tony stark is trash.
Bad, Head, and Iron Man: saltyaboutfictionalcharacters:

sam-falcon-wilson:

cyclesofthemoon:


professionallyprocrastinating:

antisolanum:

teameveryonebutironman:

i-love-tony-stark:


sam-falcon-wilson:


I need to talk about this scene. This scene actually, physically hurt me when I watched it in theaters, and cemented Iron Man as a bad guy in my head.

Sam Wilson saw his friend get shot out of the air. He was too late to save him; he watched his wingman die, and he was powerless to do anything.

So imagine how he feels when the shot that was meant to hit him hits Rhodey, who begins to plummet towards the ground. He immediately dives after him with zero hesitation, but he’s just not fast enough. He even apologizes to Tony, although he has nothing to apologize for.

And do you know what Tony does?

He shoots him. Point blank.

I don’t care if Tony didn’t know about Riley. It doesn’t matter. Sam Wilson just risked his life going after Rhodey, probably having flashbacks the entire way down, and he fails. Again.

And Tony doesn’t care. He shoots him, and he’s so close that the force of the shot sends Sam somersaulting backwards.

Sam did nothing to injure Rhodey in any way, and even tries to help, and Tony. Fricking. S h o o t s. H i m.

How can you support or stan this disgusting man?


Also, if I recall correctly, Sam Wilson served as a pararescue airman. That means he’s a trained medic, he could have helped Rhodey and probably would have if Tony hadn’t shot him point blank in the chest.


Yeah, either tony is that much of an asshole that he didn’t bother to get to know Sam despite him being part of the team for two years or he’s that much of an asshole that he shot a trained medic in the chest. 


And let’s not forget that using a repulsor blast that powerful, powerful enough to throw him back like he was shot with a shotgun, at relatively close range, on a target with no power armor (and no the falcon suit doesn’t count, it’s for flight not protection) could easily have killed him. Shock, cracking his head on the ground, stopping his heart from the force, that could have killed him. I mean, sam’s a tough cookie, but that wasn’t “the hulk punching thor after the battle because he didn’t forget about his insult from earlier, but they both know he’s gonna be alright” it’s “Tony is so selfish that he is willing to potentially kill sam because he hurt rhodey”

Despite all of this, Sam’s first words to Tony, after being imprisoned thanks to him, is “How is Rhodes?”
Concern for a former team-mate is still foremost in his mind, despite the fact that going back to help, rather than following Steve and Bucky to help them in Siberia, is what landed Sam in the Raft.
Then Sam turns around, and we see that half of his face is one massive bruise, and he is moving slowly.
Yeah, no, that is never going to be justifiable.
…
Also, what is to say that Rhodey’s injuries weren’t made worse by Tony’s attempts to help, since the guy with medical training was injured and potentially unconscious thanks to Iron Man ‘getting angry and reacting’.


Sam Wilson wasn’t offering to help. Sam Wilson was standing there, looking at him, and the guy with PTSD and trust issues properly assumed that the fucker would take another shot. 

Like, you’re expecting him to think clearly? Why would he react any other way? 


Yeah, I expect him to think clearly. He’s an adult. Cut it out with the PTSD defense; just because someone has a mental illness like that doesn’t excuse their actions.
Sam also has PTSD. He was probably having a vivid flashback to the time his friend died in front of him in much the same way. So, excuse him for sitting there, reliving all his past mistakes, beating himself up because maybe if he has been faster, or if he had done this or that, Rhodey wouldn’t be paralyzed.
Get the hell off my post with your gross Tonky defense and cry to someone who cares, because I don’t. 

plus, sam did nothing to rhodey. all he did was dodge a shot from vision that would have killed him if it connected. he has no protection in his flight gear so if he fell from the height that rhodey did he would have died. Tony shot him for not allowing himself to be killed, even when he was apologizing and could have helped rhodey. tony stark is trash.

saltyaboutfictionalcharacters: sam-falcon-wilson: cyclesofthemoon: professionallyprocrastinating: antisolanum: teameveryonebutironman:...

Ass, Dumb, and Tumblr: sobeitjay2: We bought some dumb ass camera gear
Ass, Dumb, and Tumblr: sobeitjay2:

We bought some dumb ass camera gear

sobeitjay2: We bought some dumb ass camera gear

Ass, Beliebers, and Charlie: Kari Bowling Tumblr Boring The internet must hate us XD Like Comment Unfollow Post Share 2 hours ago 2 people like this Kennedy Brook Williams Imao i had mine for like 15 minutes and i just deleted it,! about an hour ago Like 1 Amber Renee Burchett shut the hell up. tumblr is life 2 minutes ago Like Kari Bowling no, I made one and 5 minutes later i deleted it xDD about a minute ago Like Amber Renee Burchett do not speak of tumblr in any of this sort about a minute ago Like Kari Bowling Im sorry? a few seconds ago Like Amber Renee Burchett ill post this on there and they'll find a few seconds ago Like Write a comment We found you potterheads, grab your wands whovians, hop in your TARDISes supernatural fans, get the shotguns sherlockians, hire your consulting criminals tributes, knock an arrow avengers fans, assemble lotr fans, unsheath Sting weve got a few peopie to track down Les Mis fans, build a barricade? Yes? Gleeks, grab your slushies Rizzies fans, grab your guns and scalpels Wizards and witches, time to kick muggle ass. NCIS fans, grab your gear. Castle fans, alakazam that jackass The Last Airbender fans master your bending Assassin's Creed fans, ready your hidden blades Falling In Reverse fans, get Charlie BVB Army, get on your warpaint Slash gash Terror Crew, grab your chainsaws VE! Coven, show your fangs Directioners, get the fucking glitter beliebers.get the supras. Of Mice and Men fans, get squidgy Motionless In White fans, get Oficer Peppercom and some PCP Pierce The Vell fans, get the Sheepcat Sleeping With Sirens fans, get Sam Link Naruto fans, grab your kunal Bleach fans, ready your zampakuto Homestucks get your Strife Specibus kinkshamer69: a lot of people have a lot of different opinions as to what the worst post on tumblr is but this is objectively it
Ass, Beliebers, and Charlie: Kari Bowling
 Tumblr Boring
 The internet must hate us
 XD
 Like Comment Unfollow Post Share 2 hours ago
 2 people like this
 Kennedy Brook Williams Imao i had mine for like 15 minutes and i
 just deleted it,!
 about an hour ago Like 1
 Amber Renee Burchett shut the hell up. tumblr is life
 2 minutes ago Like
 Kari Bowling no, I made one and 5 minutes later i deleted it xDD
 about a minute ago Like
 Amber Renee Burchett do not speak of tumblr in any of this sort
 about a minute ago Like
 Kari Bowling Im sorry?
 a few seconds ago Like
 Amber Renee Burchett ill post this on there and they'll find
 a few seconds ago Like
 Write a comment

 We found you
 potterheads, grab your wands
 whovians, hop in your TARDISes
 supernatural fans, get the shotguns
 sherlockians, hire your consulting criminals
 tributes, knock an arrow
 avengers fans, assemble
 lotr fans, unsheath Sting
 weve got a few peopie to track down
 Les Mis fans, build a barricade? Yes?
 Gleeks, grab your slushies
 Rizzies fans, grab your guns and scalpels
 Wizards and witches, time to kick muggle ass.
 NCIS fans, grab your gear.
 Castle fans, alakazam that jackass
 The Last Airbender fans master your bending
 Assassin's Creed fans, ready your hidden blades

 Falling In Reverse fans, get Charlie
 BVB Army, get on your warpaint
 Slash gash Terror Crew, grab your chainsaws
 VE! Coven, show your fangs
 Directioners, get the fucking glitter
 beliebers.get the supras.
 Of Mice and Men fans, get squidgy
 Motionless In White fans, get Oficer Peppercom and some PCP
 Pierce The Vell fans, get the Sheepcat
 Sleeping With Sirens fans, get Sam Link
 Naruto fans, grab your kunal
 Bleach fans, ready your zampakuto
 Homestucks get your Strife Specibus
kinkshamer69:
a lot of people have a lot of different opinions as to what the worst post on tumblr is but this is objectively it

kinkshamer69: a lot of people have a lot of different opinions as to what the worst post on tumblr is but this is objectively it

Game of Thrones, Memes, and Sansa Stark: Sansa Stark will get armour and gear up for battle in final season of Game of Thrones.
Game of Thrones, Memes, and Sansa Stark: Sansa Stark will get armour and gear up for battle in final season of Game of Thrones.

Sansa Stark will get armour and gear up for battle in final season of Game of Thrones.

Kurupt, Memes, and Top Gear: BIBLE Ragga-rapping Kurupt FM presenting on Top Gear. This should happen every week 😂 The brand new series returns, February 17
Kurupt, Memes, and Top Gear: BIBLE
 Ragga-rapping
Kurupt FM presenting on Top Gear. This should happen every week 😂 The brand new series returns, February 17

Kurupt FM presenting on Top Gear. This should happen every week 😂 The brand new series returns, February 17