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America, Baked, and Cookies: Andy Richter and 2 others liked A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste.. , 9h If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits." correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scuit. just one.  an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. ‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones ‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuit/scuit Why is this called a biscuit: when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post.
America, Baked, and Cookies: Andy Richter and 2 others liked
 A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste.. , 9h
 If my calculations are correct, biscuits
 and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious
 third food called "monoscuits."
correspondingnerd:

brunhiddensmusings:

cameoamalthea:

brunhiddensmusings:

threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat:

badgerofshambles:
a singular scuit. just one. 
an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it.

‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones

‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice 


behold the monoscuit/scuit

Why is this called a biscuit: 

when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree

I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post.

correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scui...

America, Baked, and Cookies: Andy Richter and 2 others liked A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste.. , 9h If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits." correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scuit. just one.  an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. ‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones ‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuit/scuit Why is this called a biscuit: when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post.
America, Baked, and Cookies: Andy Richter and 2 others liked
 A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste.. , 9h
 If my calculations are correct, biscuits
 and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious
 third food called "monoscuits."
correspondingnerd:

brunhiddensmusings:

cameoamalthea:

brunhiddensmusings:

threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat:

badgerofshambles:
a singular scuit. just one. 
an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it.

‘scuit’ comes from the french word for ‘bake’, ‘cuire’ as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years‘biscuit’ meant ‘twice-baked’, originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word ‘biscuit’ do not be fooled to think ‘being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies’ - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones

‘triscuit’ is toasted after the normal biscuit process, thrice bakedthus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice 


behold the monoscuit/scuit

Why is this called a biscuit: 

when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breaking a tooth this was a pretty short leap of ‘just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army’ but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for ‘twice baked’ back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they caredthus the buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the same time. ‘cookies’ then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter, sugar/molasses, and eggs before ‘tea biscuits’ as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why ‘biscuit’ and ‘cookie’ are separate items in america but the same item in the UKthe evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree

I love it when a shitpost turns into an actually interesting post.

correspondingnerd: brunhiddensmusings: cameoamalthea: brunhiddensmusings: threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat: badgerofshambles: a singular scui...

America, Baked, and Cookies: Andy Richter and 2 others liked A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste... . 9h If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits. badgerofshambles a singular scuit. just one. threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically impossible and yet here I am monching on it. brunhiddensmusings scuit comes from the french word for bake', 'cuire' as bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred years biscuit meant twice-baked', originally meaning items like hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the word 'biscuit' do not be fooled to think 'being a pirate mustve been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies' - they were made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum displays or as paving stones 1862 Hardtack fromof bread was that to The The triscuit' is toasted after the normal biscu it process, thrice baked thus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because it was only baked once, not twice behold the monoscuitscuit cameoamalthea Why is this called a biscuit: brunhiddensmusings when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so instead baked them once and left them soft, often with buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breakinga tooth this was a pretty short leap of just dont make them rock hard if im not baking for the army' but didnt drop the name because its been used for centuries and people forgot its french for twice baked' back in the tudor era, biscuit was just a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as they cared thus the the same time. 'cookies' then came to america via german and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter sugar/molasses, and eggs before 'tea biscuits' as england knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which is why 'biscuit and 'cookie' are separate items in america but the same item in the UK buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at the evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree Source: authumor 36,507 notes Monobiscuit
America, Baked, and Cookies: Andy Richter and 2 others liked
 A TINy Beefsteak @TenderBeefste... . 9h
 If my calculations are correct, biscuits
 and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious
 third food called "monoscuits.
 badgerofshambles
 a singular scuit. just one.
 threeraccoonsinatrenchcoat
 an edible cracker with just one side. mathematically
 impossible and yet here I am monching on it.
 brunhiddensmusings
 scuit comes from the french word for bake', 'cuire' as
 bastardized by adoption by the brittish and a few hundred
 years
 biscuit meant twice-baked', originally meaning items like
 hardtack which were double baked to dry them as a
 preservative measure long before things like sugar and butter
 were introduced. if you see a historical doccument use the
 word 'biscuit' do not be fooled to think 'being a pirate mustve
 been pretty cool, they ate nothing but cookies' - they were
 made of misery to last long enough to be used in museum
 displays or as paving stones
 1862
 Hardtack fromof bread was
 that
 to
 The
 The
 triscuit' is toasted after the normal biscu
 it process, thrice
 baked
 thus the monoscuit is a cookie thats soft and chewy because
 it was only baked once, not twice
 behold the monoscuitscuit
 cameoamalthea
 Why is this called a biscuit:
 brunhiddensmusings
 when brittish colonists settled in the americas they no longer
 had to preserve biscuits for storage or sea voyages so
 instead baked them once and left them soft, often with
 buttermilk or whey to convert cheap staples/byproducts into
 filling items to bulk out the meal to make a small amount of
 greasy meat feed a whole family. considering hardtack
 biscuits were typically eaten by dipping them in grease or
 gravy untill they became soft enough to eat without breakinga
 tooth this was a pretty short leap of just dont make them rock
 hard if im not baking for the army' but didnt drop the name
 because its been used for centuries and people forgot its
 french for twice baked' back in the tudor era, biscuit was just
 a lump of cooked dough that wasnt leavened bread as far as
 they cared
 thus the
 the same time. 'cookies' then came to america via german
 and dutch immigrants as tiny cakes made with butter
 sugar/molasses, and eggs before 'tea biscuits' as england
 knew them due to the new availability of cheap sugar- which
 is why 'biscuit and 'cookie' are separate items in america but
 the same item in the UK
 buttermilk biscuit and the hardtack biscuit existed at
 the evolution of the biscuit has forks on its family tree
 Source: authumor
 36,507 notes
Monobiscuit

Monobiscuit

Being Alone, Bad, and Beautiful: daddynietzsche throwback to that time in my existentialism class where the professor asked who thinks hell is other people' and half the class slowly and meekly put their hand up then the prof was like ..i mean who originally said it annabellioncourt there are some posts that sound utterly made up for the joke or for the notes, but this one I whole heartedly believe kurloz38 Sounds right to me.. jadagul That quote is amazing to me in that it's quoted completely accurately and yet in a way that means something completely different from what it meant in context. Sartre was claiming that Hell was other people. He was not claiming that other people were hell.) sigmaleph . can't actually tell what distinction you're drawing there. Can you expand? jadagul The line comes from No Exit, which is set in Hell Spoilers for No Exit follow In particular, three people who have been condemned to hell are trapped eternally in a room together. And at first they think they got off easy without any pitch- forks or fiery lakes or anything. But over the course of the play they discover that they have been chosern very specifically to have neuroses and character flaws that interact with and torment each other Each one needs the approval of a second in an unsta ble RPS cycle so that any time one of them might be satisfied by a second, the third swoops in and ruins it And when they figure this out, one of the characters expresses his understanding, that hell isn't physical torture. "Hell is just-other people." So the point isn't that other people, generically are hellish; it's rather that you can build a hell out of other people But when I hear people quote it, it's usually sort of an introvert-pride thing. "Other people are hell; you should spend time alone." And that's not the point at all. It's a statement about how bad unhealthy relationships can be, not a statement about how all relationships are unhealthy! See also Sartre's own comment here "hell is other people" has always been misuhderstoo as been though that what I meant by that was that our relations with other people are always poisoned, that they are invariably hellish relations. But what I really mean is something totally different. I mean that if relations with someone else are twisted, vitiated, then that other person can only be hell. diapordias Reblogging for the original post which was hilarious and also for that explanation which is beautiful Source: daddynietzsche People are hell.
Being Alone, Bad, and Beautiful: daddynietzsche
 throwback to that time in my existentialism class
 where the professor asked who thinks hell is
 other people' and half the class slowly and meekly
 put their hand up
 then the prof was like ..i mean who originally said it
 annabellioncourt
 there are some posts that sound utterly made up
 for the joke or for the notes, but this one I whole
 heartedly believe
 kurloz38
 Sounds right to me..
 jadagul
 That quote is amazing to me in that it's quoted
 completely accurately and yet in a way that means
 something completely different from what it
 meant in context.
 Sartre was claiming that Hell was other people. He
 was not claiming that other people were hell.)
 sigmaleph
 . can't actually tell what distinction you're drawing
 there. Can you expand?
 jadagul
 The line comes from No Exit, which is set in Hell
 Spoilers for No Exit follow
 In particular, three people who have been condemned
 to hell are trapped eternally in a room together. And
 at first they think they got off easy without any pitch-
 forks or fiery lakes or anything. But over the course
 of the play they discover that they have been chosern
 very specifically to have neuroses and character
 flaws that interact with and torment each other
 Each one needs the approval of a second in an unsta
 ble RPS cycle so that any time one of them might be
 satisfied by a second, the third swoops in and ruins it
 And when they figure this out, one of the characters
 expresses his understanding, that hell isn't physical
 torture. "Hell is just-other people."
 So the point isn't that other people, generically
 are hellish; it's rather that you can build a hell
 out of other people
 But when I hear people quote it, it's usually sort of
 an introvert-pride thing. "Other people are hell; you
 should spend time alone." And that's not the point
 at all. It's a statement about how bad unhealthy
 relationships can be, not a statement about how all
 relationships are unhealthy!
 See also Sartre's own comment here
 "hell is other people" has always been
 misuhderstoo
 as been though
 that what I meant by that was that our
 relations with other people are always
 poisoned, that they are invariably
 hellish relations. But what I really
 mean is something totally different. I
 mean that if relations with someone
 else are twisted, vitiated, then that
 other person can only be hell.
 diapordias
 Reblogging for the original post which was hilarious
 and also for that explanation which is beautiful
 Source: daddynietzsche
People are hell.

People are hell.

Empire, Fall, and Food: Dear Guy Who Just Made My ntruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. Whern you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here's what: Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that, Because at least THEN would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR Nope My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET You built this thing like a fucking pack of And don't even fucking think I'm about to open this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE What's that? should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER That's like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA WRENCH, SO BE COOL Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six, now People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. The absolute worst way to make a burrito
Empire, Fall, and Food: Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 ntruding
 Have you ever been to earth?
 On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe
 a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty
 simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least
 got that part right. My burrito was, in fact
 filled with food. In this, you and I agree and
 are friends. But this is also where my lifelong
 hatred begins for you and anyone else whose
 brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the
 same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as
 yours has. Because that should have killed
 you, but left you around long enough to do
 what you did to me today. Let me explain:
 Let me further explain:
 Burritos are eaten from one end to the other
 So that means when you assemble a burrito
 with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s
 going that direction, you create a disgusting
 experience for the burrito's end user. Whern
 you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi-
 ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite
 has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting
 at least two types of ingredients, and there is
 trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
 Have you ever eaten one of the things you
 make all fucking day? You should try one
 They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT
 WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING
 EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP
 IN LETTUCE COUNTRY
 When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up
 and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking
 Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their
 jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you
 must think that's how it's done, since that
 would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a
 bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like
 And guess what else, player? You probably
 can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure
 you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over
 and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in
 case, here's what:
 Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking
 corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter
 from one end to the other a little at a time and
 then DING next line. But today I wish I had
 tried that, Because at least THEN would be
 able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all
 like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST
 GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR
 Nope
 My experience was more like HEY BEANS
 ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A
 MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE
 THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY
 THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH
 HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING
 CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT
 I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA
 POCKET
 You built this thing like a fucking pack of
 And don't even fucking think I'm about to open
 this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90
 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH
 MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI
 DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK
 ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO
 FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS
 SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP
 WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE
 GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE
 What's that? should ask you to mix it up first
 next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT
 WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO
 THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T
 WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR
 You're the worst thing that has ever happened
 to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere
 an apology for this burritobomination, and I
 hope your babies look like monkeys.
 UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST
 EAT IT WITH A FORK
 IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO
 SALAD
 If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork,
 THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW
 BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION
 TEN SECONDS LATER
 That's like buying a car and having them hand
 you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like
 YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S
 GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD
 ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU
 HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA
 WRENCH, SO BE COOL
 Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One
 at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking
 A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six,
 now
 People eat burritos with forks?
 God is sorry he made us.
The absolute worst way to make a burrito

The absolute worst way to make a burrito