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Ass, Funny, and Future: SENORGİF/COM mistersaturn123: a-can-of-mountain-jew: dragonenby: tabbitcha: lemonade-cat: talkearlietome: cartel: hotboysofficial: the future is now are people that lazy to need this While I’m sure there are people too lazy to spin a fork, keep in mind people like this person who may be suffering from arthritis or a neurological disease or nerve damage or a thousand other conditions that might impair their ability to do things as simple as spin a fork to eat spaghetti.  These are used with people who can’t grip well:  This is for Parkinsons’s:  For people who can’t even bend their joints:  Here’s a product that guides your hand from your plate to your mouth  This one holds a sandwich  Like I get it. I used to see things like the fork and think “that’s fuckin’ lazy” or that product that holds a gallon and you just tip it and pour. But then I started working around the disabled and impaired and found out that these products aren’t meant for lazy people, they’re meant for people who need help.  So maybe next time you see something, instead of thinking “Wow, are people that lazy?” just be grateful that you’re able to do the things you do every day and take for granted, like being able to feed yourself and wipe your own ass because you have enough coordination and bendy joints to do it.  This isn’t specualtion either; the majority of products from commericals that we think are funny or silly are autally MEANT for hte disabled.But they are marketed towards the abled because the disabled aren’t considered a viable enough demographic on their own. the Snuggie for example? Created for wheelchair users. This is actually really nifty. oh my god of course the snuggie was for wheelchair users The fact that anyone buys these products besides disabled people drastically lowers the price of them. These would normally cost hundreds if not thousands if dollars. Because if spent time and money creating it, the company wants to get more than that back. And they can’t do that if they sell and market these primarily to disabled people for $20-$40 a piece or whatever. They’d lose money on production. If they can sell hundreds of them to everyone, they can lower the price drastically and therefore disabled people don’t die while trying to scrape up the money to buy these things and be a bit more independent. I never considered that last part and that’s actually genius
Ass, Funny, and Future: SENORGİF/COM
mistersaturn123:

a-can-of-mountain-jew:
dragonenby:

tabbitcha:

lemonade-cat:

talkearlietome:

cartel:

hotboysofficial:

the future is now

are people that lazy to need this

While I’m sure there are people too lazy to spin a fork, keep in mind people like this person who may be suffering from arthritis or a neurological disease or nerve damage or a thousand other conditions that might impair their ability to do things as simple as spin a fork to eat spaghetti. 
These are used with people who can’t grip well: 
This is for Parkinsons’s: 
For people who can’t even bend their joints: 
Here’s a product that guides your hand from your plate to your mouth 
This one holds a sandwich 
Like I get it. I used to see things like the fork and think “that’s fuckin’ lazy” or that product that holds a gallon and you just tip it and pour. But then I started working around the disabled and impaired and found out that these products aren’t meant for lazy people, they’re meant for people who need help. 
So maybe next time you see something, instead of thinking “Wow, are people that lazy?” just be grateful that you’re able to do the things you do every day and take for granted, like being able to feed yourself and wipe your own ass because you have enough coordination and bendy joints to do it. 

This isn’t specualtion either; the majority of products from commericals that we think are funny or silly are autally MEANT for hte disabled.But they are marketed towards the abled because the disabled aren’t considered a viable enough demographic on their own. the Snuggie for example? Created for wheelchair users.

This is actually really nifty.

oh my god of course the snuggie was for wheelchair users


The fact that anyone buys these products besides disabled people drastically lowers the price of them. These would normally cost hundreds if not thousands if dollars. Because if spent time and money creating it, the company wants to get more than that back. And they can’t do that if they sell and market these primarily to disabled people for $20-$40 a piece or whatever. They’d lose money on production. If they can sell hundreds of them to everyone, they can lower the price drastically and therefore disabled people don’t die while trying to scrape up the money to buy these things and be a bit more independent.

I never considered that last part and that’s actually genius

mistersaturn123: a-can-of-mountain-jew: dragonenby: tabbitcha: lemonade-cat: talkearlietome: cartel: hotboysofficial: the future is n...

Bad, Books, and Candy: The creative writing classatmy school is writing children's books. This is a list the teacher made of books not to write. 1. You are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3. Dad's New Wife Greg 4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share 5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An "I-Can-Do-It Book 6. The Kids Guide to Hitchhiking 7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her 8 Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 9. All Cats Go to Hell 10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 11. Some Kittens Can Fly 12, That's It: I'm Putting You Up for Adoption 13. Grandpa Gets a Casket 14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 17. Strangers Have the Best Candy 18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way 19. You were an Accident 20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 21 Popl Goes the Hamster. And Other Great Microwave Games 22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan 23. Your Nightmares Are Real 24. Where Would You Like to be Buried? 25. Eggs. Toilet Paper, and Your School 26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? 27 Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things 28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry 29. The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool 30. Making Grown-Up Friends On the Internet 31. 101 Fun Games To Play in the Road 32. You Can't Help It If You're Stupid 33. Patty Went Splati (Don't YOU Forget Your Seatbelt) 34. Bullies Deserve To Die 35. Go to Your Room: Mommy's Got A New Baby To Love 36 Timmy's The Wrong Color To Be your Friend 37. I Dare You! 101 Challenges To Prove You're Not A Sissy 38. Trixie Goes to the Big City srsfunny:Books That Should Probably Never Be Written
Bad, Books, and Candy: The creative writing classatmy school is writing
 children's books. This is a list the teacher made of
 books not to write.
 1. You are Different and That's Bad
 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
 3. Dad's New Wife Greg
 4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
 5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An "I-Can-Do-It Book
 6. The Kids Guide to Hitchhiking
 7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
 8 Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
 9. All Cats Go to Hell
 10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
 11. Some Kittens Can Fly
 12, That's It: I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
 13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
 14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
 15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
 16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
 17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
 18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
 19. You were an Accident
 20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
 21 Popl Goes the Hamster. And Other Great Microwave Games
 22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
 23. Your Nightmares Are Real
 24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
 25. Eggs. Toilet Paper, and Your School
 26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
 27 Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
 28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
 29. The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool
 30. Making Grown-Up Friends On the Internet
 31. 101 Fun Games To Play in the Road
 32. You Can't Help It If You're Stupid
 33. Patty Went Splati (Don't YOU Forget Your Seatbelt)
 34. Bullies Deserve To Die
 35. Go to Your Room: Mommy's Got A New Baby To Love
 36 Timmy's The Wrong Color To Be your Friend
 37. I Dare You! 101 Challenges To Prove You're Not A Sissy
 38. Trixie Goes to the Big City
srsfunny:Books That Should Probably Never Be Written

srsfunny:Books That Should Probably Never Be Written

Advice, Advil, and Children: Ibuprofen Mlerin, Ail Acetaminophen Aspirin* Bayer, Bufferin Naproxen Aleve Brands Tylenol Headaches Migraines Fever Reduction NSAID (ReducesYes inflammation)? Menstrual cramps Not very good Best uses Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes es Yes Good Least effective Headaches and Pain caused by Long lasting pain Cold & flu and minor body aches inflammation. and migraines. Harsher on the stomach than ibuprofen headaches. Digestive effects Upset stomach, tHilet. Very mild. heartburn, and indigestion Can cause heart Stomach problems Easy to accidentally linked to Reye's problems. disease in children are very common. overdose. Can cause liver damage Liver Kic Inc . Less harsh on the Lasts longer than Safer for stomach. Great if other pain relievershemophiliacs, you have ulcers or (2x longer. acid reflux. Kiceic: Broken down in... Kidne Benefits Can treat and prevent heart disease. children and those with aspirin allergies. Canbx: ik wiih NSAIDs Cannot be taken together **Reduces inflammation Inhibits cyclooxygenase to reduce amount of prostaglands Not to be substituted for medical care underwaterfraulein: death-g-reaper: empressofthelibrary: secretlifeofateenblogger-blog: I keep forgetting what the differences are in the over the counter pain relievers, so I made a handy chart. This Is Important. I always had really really horrible growing pains as a kid.  Like, I clearly remember being curled up on the floor crying because it felt like some evil person had stuck a fork in my calf and was twisting it around like spaghetti.  Mom always had me take ibuprofen for it, and when that didn’t do anything, she just gave me more. Now the stuff barely works on me, even when I take it for the things it actually fixes. Please, please, double-check to make sure you’re taking the right medicines for your pain. My mom always gave me tylonel for period cramps as a kid and it never did anything. It’s nice to know now that she was literally giving me the least effective option And please PLEASE note that as the chart says, acetaminophen “can be taken with NSAIDs”, which means you can take Tylenol/acetaminophen AND one of the other listed pain-relievers. My mom has been a doctor for 40+ years, and her standard advice for headaches is, take two regular-strength Advil, and then if that doesn’t work, ALSO take two regular-strength Tylenol.
Advice, Advil, and Children: Ibuprofen
 Mlerin, Ail
 Acetaminophen
 Aspirin*
 Bayer,
 Bufferin
 Naproxen
 Aleve
 Brands
 Tylenol
 Headaches
 Migraines
 Fever Reduction
 NSAID (ReducesYes
 inflammation)?
 Menstrual cramps Not very good
 Best uses
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 Yes
 es
 Yes
 Good
 Least effective
 Headaches and Pain caused by Long lasting pain Cold & flu and
 minor body aches inflammation.
 and migraines.
 Harsher on the
 stomach than
 ibuprofen
 headaches.
 Digestive effects Upset stomach,
 tHilet.
 Very mild.
 heartburn, and
 indigestion
 Can cause heart Stomach problems Easy to accidentally
 linked to Reye's problems.
 disease in children
 are very common. overdose. Can cause
 liver damage
 Liver
 Kic Inc .
 Less harsh on the Lasts longer than Safer for
 stomach. Great if other pain relievershemophiliacs,
 you have ulcers or (2x longer.
 acid reflux.
 Kiceic:
 Broken down in... Kidne
 Benefits
 Can treat and
 prevent heart
 disease.
 children and those
 with aspirin allergies.
 Canbx: ik wiih
 NSAIDs
 Cannot be taken together
 **Reduces
 inflammation
 Inhibits cyclooxygenase to reduce amount of prostaglands Not to be substituted
 for medical care
underwaterfraulein:
death-g-reaper:

empressofthelibrary:


secretlifeofateenblogger-blog:
I keep forgetting what the differences are in the over the counter pain relievers, so I made a handy chart.
This Is Important.
I always had really really horrible growing pains as a kid.  Like, I clearly remember being curled up on the floor crying because it felt like some evil person had stuck a fork in my calf and was twisting it around like spaghetti.  Mom always had me take ibuprofen for it, and when that didn’t do anything, she just gave me more.
Now the stuff barely works on me, even when I take it for the things it actually fixes.
Please, please, double-check to make sure you’re taking the right medicines for your pain.


My mom always gave me tylonel for period cramps as a kid and it never did anything. It’s nice to know now that she was literally giving me the least effective option

And please PLEASE note that as the chart says, acetaminophen “can be taken with NSAIDs”, which means you can take Tylenol/acetaminophen AND one of the other listed pain-relievers.
My mom has been a doctor for 40+ years, and her standard advice for headaches is, take two regular-strength Advil, and then if that doesn’t work, ALSO take two regular-strength Tylenol.

underwaterfraulein: death-g-reaper: empressofthelibrary: secretlifeofateenblogger-blog: I keep forgetting what the differences are in the...

Empire, Fall, and Food: Dear Guy Who Just Made My ntruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. Whern you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you must think that's how it's done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here's what: Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that, Because at least THEN would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR Nope My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET You built this thing like a fucking pack of And don't even fucking think I'm about to open this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE What's that? should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER That's like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA WRENCH, SO BE COOL Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six, now People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. The absolute worst way to make a burrito
Empire, Fall, and Food: Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 ntruding
 Have you ever been to earth?
 On earth, we use the word "burrito" to describe
 a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty
 simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least
 got that part right. My burrito was, in fact
 filled with food. In this, you and I agree and
 are friends. But this is also where my lifelong
 hatred begins for you and anyone else whose
 brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the
 same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as
 yours has. Because that should have killed
 you, but left you around long enough to do
 what you did to me today. Let me explain:
 Let me further explain:
 Burritos are eaten from one end to the other
 So that means when you assemble a burrito
 with motherfucking ZONES of ingredient:s
 going that direction, you create a disgusting
 experience for the burrito's end user. Whern
 you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi-
 ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite
 has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting
 at least two types of ingredients, and there is
 trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
 Have you ever eaten one of the things you
 make all fucking day? You should try one
 They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT
 WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING
 EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP
 IN LETTUCE COUNTRY
 When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up
 and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking
 Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their
 jaws, and I'm not a fucking pelican. But you
 must think that's how it's done, since that
 would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a
 bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like
 And guess what else, player? You probably
 can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure
 you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over
 and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in
 case, here's what:
 Humans also don't eat burritos like fucking
 corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter
 from one end to the other a little at a time and
 then DING next line. But today I wish I had
 tried that, Because at least THEN would be
 able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all
 like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST
 GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR
 Nope
 My experience was more like HEY BEANS
 ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND IFOR A
 MINUTE UNTILI CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE
 THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY
 THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH
 HEY I WAS WRONG I'M IN THE FUCKING
 CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT
 I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA
 POCKET
 You built this thing like a fucking pack of
 And don't even fucking think I'm about to open
 this shit up and re engineer your nonsense 90
 degrees. IALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH
 MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOWI
 DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOK
 ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO
 FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS
 SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP
 WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE
 GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE
 What's that? should ask you to mix it up first
 next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONT
 WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO
 THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T
 WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR
 You're the worst thing that has ever happened
 to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere
 an apology for this burritobomination, and I
 hope your babies look like monkeys.
 UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID JUST
 EAT IT WITH A FORK
 IDIDN'T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO
 SALAD
 If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork,
 THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEWW
 BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION
 TEN SECONDS LATER
 That's like buying a car and having them hand
 you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like
 YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S
 GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD
 ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU
 HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOUA
 WRENCH, SO BE COOL
 Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One
 at the end of each arm. They're caⅡed fucking
 A fork. My god.I haven't cried sinceI was six,
 now
 People eat burritos with forks?
 God is sorry he made us.
The absolute worst way to make a burrito

The absolute worst way to make a burrito

Empire, Fall, and Food: BEANS MOLE J MEAT CHBESE RKE CILAVIZO SALsA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You’re an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what: Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE. What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”: A fucking fork? I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL. Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now. People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us. (Source) I always need this on my blog. I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.  Yes @kirkfuffle MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK. Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back! I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.
Empire, Fall, and Food: BEANS
 MOLE J MEAT
 CHBESE
 RKE
 CILAVIZO SALsA
 Dear Guy Who Just Made My
 Burrito:
 Lucky Shirt in Comedy Corner
mybigfatgaylife:

its-rowark:

misanthrobot:

rowan-oak-o-flow:

delgt:

xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

@kirkfuffle

MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK.


Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back!


I want this post and one of the “be nice to underpaid workers” posts to fight it out in the Tumblr Performative Progressivism Thunderdome.

mybigfatgaylife: its-rowark: misanthrobot: rowan-oak-o-flow: delgt: xopachi: skwinky: lntruding: Have you ever been to earth? On ea...