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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
 so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
 that all of our door staff must have names that start
 with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
 friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
 Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
 now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
 lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
 than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
 is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
 simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
 now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
 appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
 inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
 add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
 that's Doorman Dan.
 since meeting him last year, I've discovered
 .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
 said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
 he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
 and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
 Junkie Jeff at 9AM
 .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
 while he was in the army, and was complet
 unaware they had broken up until he wishe
 happy Christmas and she responded with what the
 fuck Dan
 .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
 thirty-six hours
 .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
 and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
 decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
 in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
 and ran off
 .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
 month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
 resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
 inside any John Lewis shops
 .he is convinced the love of his life is not his
 fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
 who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
 know when I meet him.
 .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
 rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
 they follow him
 his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
 proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
 told."
 when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
 didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
 the door and asked if they'd like a snack
 .
 .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
 called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
 being the only person on the dance floor without a
 drink when he's patrolling the bar
 I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
 cacen
 BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
 zohbugg
 I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
 Doorman Dan
 thecheshirecass
 I look forward to reading more about the loving,
 polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
 Ned when they finally meet.
 fuckveahdiomedes
 What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
 Source: cacen
 114,993 notes
The adventures of doorman dan

The adventures of doorman dan

Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity. Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell where one began and the other ended That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge. Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway. (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can't be stopped) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome
Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon
 It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg
 and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity.
 Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for
 six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after
 kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to
 head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy
 dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell
 where one began and the other ended
 That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried
 Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after
 she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to
 see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one
 last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any
 of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge.
 Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to
 fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck
 each other, well, then nothing happens anyway.
 (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up
 to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle
 monster that can't be stopped)
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity. Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell where one began and the other ended That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge. Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway. (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can't be stopped) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome
Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon
 It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg
 and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity.
 Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for
 six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after
 kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to
 head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy
 dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell
 where one began and the other ended
 That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried
 Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after
 she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to
 see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one
 last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any
 of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge.
 Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to
 fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck
 each other, well, then nothing happens anyway.
 (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up
 to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle
 monster that can't be stopped)
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Ariel, Bad, and Bitch: 4G 21:39 rueplumet i love prince eric. from the little mermaid. he's hilarious. because he seems like one of the most mild-mannered and unassuming princes in the disney canon, but he is also one of the few to actively kill the bad guy. most disney villains die by consequence of the final battle but are not directly killed by the hero/ heroine. most of them fall to their deaths or cause their own demise, and sometimes the hero is indirectly responsible because they ll launch them into that direction or something, but they still don't bring knife to heart directly but then a couple do. and prince eric is my fave out of those few because up until the final act, he is the most chill motherfucker u ever seen. like he is quick to spring to action during the storm scene n stuff, but otherwise? he's really quiet n sensitive and runs along the beach playing the flute for his big shaggy dog n he smiles like a lil nerd and gets all cute around ariel and he's so sweet n everything AND THEN IN THE FINAL BATTLE THAT MOTHERFUC KER STRAIGHT UP DRIVES A SHIP THROUGH URSULA LIKE WH ONE IS TRYIN TO LAY SIEGE TO HIS KINGDOM!! ALL THE NEIGHBOURS ARE LIKE "HOLY SHIT DON'T GO THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST! HE'LL STRAIGHT UP AT!!!! NO WONDER NO 17 4G 21:39 THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST! HE'LL STRAIGHT UP DRIVE A BOAT THROUGH YOUR BITCH!" i love him lainybunbuns At the beginning of the movie Prince Eric, without hesitation, jumps into the ocean, in the middle of a storm, and climbs onto a ship that's on fire, all to rescue his dog Then when he's convinced some mystery woman saved him, he starts looking for her just to thank her. On his way, he meets some mute naked teenage girl who can't even walk or dress herself, confirms that she's not the girl he's looking for, then brings her to stay at his castle anyway, for no particular reason No one questions this, just like they don't question when he shows up three days later with a mysterious woman one morning and says he's getting married that same day. At said wedding, several witnesses see his fiance turn into a sea monster, which he then murders by piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of the ocean straight into her. A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings Again, no one questions this 17 4G 21:39 piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of the ocean straight into her. A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings Again, no one questions this I'm convinced that Eric had to have done some crazy in sane stunts on a regular basis, cause despite him being so chill and relaxed normally, no one bats an eyelash at any of his ridiculous decisions or incredible feats during the course of the film. Clearly they're all used to it, and rumours of him marrying an ocean princess would only dissuade potential enemies of his country even further. a-kent a common conversation around the kingdom "Did you hear what Prince Eric did this morning?" "Oh gods, not again. jumpingjacktrash prince eric is a retired epic level player character Fuente: rrueplumet 115,535 notas 17 "...what the hell are you up to now, Eric?" "Y'know, the ush."
Ariel, Bad, and Bitch: 4G 21:39
 rueplumet
 i love prince eric. from the little mermaid. he's
 hilarious. because he seems like one of the most
 mild-mannered and unassuming princes in the disney
 canon, but he is also one of the few to actively kill the
 bad guy. most disney villains die by consequence of
 the final battle but are not directly killed by the hero/
 heroine. most of them fall to their deaths or cause
 their own demise, and sometimes the hero is indirectly
 responsible because they ll launch them into that
 direction or something, but they still don't bring knife to
 heart directly
 but then a couple do. and prince eric is my fave out of
 those few because up until the final act, he is the most
 chill motherfucker u ever seen. like he is quick to spring
 to action during the storm scene n stuff, but otherwise?
 he's really quiet n sensitive and runs along the beach
 playing the flute for his big shaggy dog n he smiles
 like a lil nerd and gets all cute around ariel and he's so
 sweet n everything
 AND THEN IN THE FINAL BATTLE THAT MOTHERFUC
 KER STRAIGHT UP DRIVES A SHIP THROUGH URSULA
 LIKE WH
 ONE IS TRYIN TO LAY SIEGE TO HIS KINGDOM!! ALL
 THE NEIGHBOURS ARE LIKE "HOLY SHIT DON'T GO
 THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST! HE'LL STRAIGHT UP
 AT!!!! NO WONDER NO
 17

 4G 21:39
 THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST! HE'LL STRAIGHT UP
 DRIVE A BOAT THROUGH YOUR BITCH!"
 i love him
 lainybunbuns
 At the beginning of the movie Prince Eric, without
 hesitation, jumps into the ocean, in the middle of a
 storm, and climbs onto a ship that's on fire, all to rescue
 his dog
 Then when he's convinced some mystery woman saved
 him, he starts looking for her just to thank her. On his
 way, he meets some mute naked teenage girl who can't
 even walk or dress herself, confirms that she's not the
 girl he's looking for, then brings her to stay at his castle
 anyway, for no particular reason
 No one questions this, just like they don't question when
 he shows up three days later with a mysterious woman
 one morning and says he's getting married that same
 day. At said wedding, several witnesses see his fiance
 turn into a sea monster, which he then murders by
 piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of
 the ocean straight into her.
 A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the
 sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings
 Again, no one questions this
 17

 4G 21:39
 piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of
 the ocean straight into her.
 A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the
 sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings
 Again, no one questions this
 I'm convinced that Eric had to have done some crazy in
 sane stunts on a regular basis, cause despite him being
 so chill and relaxed normally, no one bats an eyelash at
 any of his ridiculous decisions or incredible feats during
 the course of the film. Clearly they're all used to it, and
 rumours of him marrying an ocean princess would only
 dissuade potential enemies of his country even further.
 a-kent
 a common conversation around the kingdom
 "Did you hear what Prince Eric did this morning?"
 "Oh gods, not again.
 jumpingjacktrash
 prince eric is a retired epic level player character
 Fuente: rrueplumet
 115,535 notas
 17
"...what the hell are you up to now, Eric?" "Y'know, the ush."

"...what the hell are you up to now, Eric?" "Y'know, the ush."

Ass, Bitch, and Christmas: <p><a href="https://trilllizard666.tumblr.com/post/171913142953/lornagonigall-thecelestialchild" class="tumblr_blog">trilllizard666</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://lornagonigall.tumblr.com/post/171895845655/thecelestialchild-nat-tru-al" class="tumblr_blog">lornagonigall</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://thecelestialchild.tumblr.com/post/105640445440/nat-tru-al-chanel-and-louboutins-cute-couple" class="tumblr_blog">thecelestialchild</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://nat-tru-al.tumblr.com/post/105638795208/chanel-and-louboutins-cute-couple-waste-of" class="tumblr_blog">nat-tru-al</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://chanel-and-louboutins.tumblr.com/post/105605476758/cute-couple" class="tumblr_blog">chanel-and-louboutins</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Cute couple ❤️</p></blockquote> <p>Waste of men smh…😔</p> </blockquote> <p>Ay bitch. Fuck you. Straight up. Fuck you. Don’t EVER in your life disrespect me and mine like that again. Be mad. Be pressed. But don’t fucking come on to my picture with my fiancé saying some ignorant shit out of your mouth like that. Take your busted, salty ass the fuck on, get some business and some dick that wants you. Cause clearly it ain’t here. </p> <p>And let the record show, I’m bisexual and I STILL wouldn’t touch your busted ass with 10 foot pole. Merry Christmas, bitch.</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="155" data-orig-width="408"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/41ad7fa77f24f87f04679bfd87267c83/tumblr_inline_p5mtguBStl1taqeq8_500.gif" data-orig-height="155" data-orig-width="408"/></figure></blockquote> <p>fucking MURDER</p> </blockquote>
Ass, Bitch, and Christmas: <p><a href="https://trilllizard666.tumblr.com/post/171913142953/lornagonigall-thecelestialchild" class="tumblr_blog">trilllizard666</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://lornagonigall.tumblr.com/post/171895845655/thecelestialchild-nat-tru-al" class="tumblr_blog">lornagonigall</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://thecelestialchild.tumblr.com/post/105640445440/nat-tru-al-chanel-and-louboutins-cute-couple" class="tumblr_blog">thecelestialchild</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://nat-tru-al.tumblr.com/post/105638795208/chanel-and-louboutins-cute-couple-waste-of" class="tumblr_blog">nat-tru-al</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://chanel-and-louboutins.tumblr.com/post/105605476758/cute-couple" class="tumblr_blog">chanel-and-louboutins</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>Cute couple ❤️</p></blockquote>

<p>Waste of men smh…😔</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Ay bitch. Fuck you. Straight up. Fuck you. Don’t EVER in your life disrespect me and mine like that again. Be mad. Be pressed. But don’t fucking come on to my picture with my fiancé saying some ignorant shit out of your mouth like that. Take your busted, salty ass the fuck on, get some business and some dick that wants you. Cause clearly it ain’t here. </p>
<p>And let the record show, I’m bisexual and I STILL wouldn’t touch your busted ass with 10 foot pole. Merry Christmas, bitch.</p>
</blockquote>

<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="155" data-orig-width="408"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/41ad7fa77f24f87f04679bfd87267c83/tumblr_inline_p5mtguBStl1taqeq8_500.gif" data-orig-height="155" data-orig-width="408"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>fucking MURDER</p>
</blockquote>

<p><a href="https://trilllizard666.tumblr.com/post/171913142953/lornagonigall-thecelestialchild" class="tumblr_blog">trilllizard666</a>:</p>...

Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon it has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho no touchy dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the moming they "couldn't tell where one began and the other ended That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any of this. If its important to her hubby, who is she to judge. Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway Side note. That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can't be stopped) <p>Cuddle buddies via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2AX4vC6">http://ift.tt/2AX4vC6</a></p>
Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon
 it has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg
 and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity
 Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for
 six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after
 kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to
 head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho no touchy
 dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the moming they "couldn't tell
 where one began and the other ended
 That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried
 Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after
 she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to
 see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one
 last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any
 of this. If its important to her hubby, who is she to judge.
 Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to
 fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck
 each other, well, then nothing happens anyway
 Side note. That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up
 to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle
 monster that can't be stopped)
<p>Cuddle buddies via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2AX4vC6">http://ift.tt/2AX4vC6</a></p>

<p>Cuddle buddies via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2AX4vC6">http://ift.tt/2AX4vC6</a></p>