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Advice, Bad, and Cars: galexion: missanthrory: deathcomes4u: frommetrunui: frommetrunui: scaliefox: post-office-box-847: scaliefox: diarrheaworldstarhiphop: This is a serious issue though. Ferrai has this bullshit agreement that if you buy one of their cars new off the lot, you have to sign a contract saying you basically don’t own the car and have to uphold their brand standards with it. It’s sets a startling example of not owning something despite buying it and the court needs to use this as a chance to strike it down as unethical. This shit again? And I thought it was bad enough with ford and john deer telling farmers they didn’t own the tractors they bought from them…. Yeah, they have this really unethical clause in the purchase contract you can’t modify the car or do anything with it that they’d consider “unbecoming of the brand”, which is why they were able file this suit. It seems kind of bizarre at first until you realize how horrifying that is in the age of “do you own what you buy?” being a huge a debate (especially in tech). This is pretty much Ferrari’s philosophy from the start, they are extremely prideful of their cars like if they were made from God’s hands or something. They are very snobby, infact the owner of Ferrari doesn’t like the people who buy their cars since because they are bought for “status”. They also never test their cars on public tracks in comparison with other racing cars like when they wanted to test out the Porche 918 Spyder vs The McLaren P1 vs LaFerrari. Take a guess who bailed out on the performance test. Just an update Lambo are the perfect people to jump in on this because they make insane cars and they are never above clowning them up because Lambo are all about THE DRAMA ™ It’s worth noting that Ferruccio Lamborghini, the founder of the company originally only made tractors. His company became successful and at some point he bought a Ferrari, but had a complaint with the car. He ended up taking this complaint to Enzo Ferrari, himself, who told the man he did not take advice from a mere tractor maker. Four months later the first Lamborghini sports was birthed out of pure spite. I’d like to this somewhere he’s enjoying this immensely.  FUCKING P U R R A R I
Advice, Bad, and Cars: galexion:

missanthrory:

deathcomes4u:

frommetrunui:

frommetrunui:

scaliefox:

post-office-box-847:

scaliefox:

diarrheaworldstarhiphop:

This is a serious issue though.
Ferrai has this bullshit agreement that if you buy one of their cars new off the lot, you have to sign a contract saying you basically don’t own the car and have to uphold their brand standards with it.
It’s sets a startling example of not owning something despite buying it and the court needs to use this as a chance to strike it down as unethical.

This shit again? And I thought it was bad enough with ford and john deer telling farmers they didn’t own the tractors they bought from them….

Yeah, they have this really unethical clause in the purchase contract you can’t modify the car or do anything with it that they’d consider “unbecoming of the brand”, which is why they were able file this suit.
It seems kind of bizarre at first until you realize how horrifying that is in the age of “do you own what you buy?” being a huge a debate (especially in tech).

This is pretty much Ferrari’s philosophy from the start, they are extremely prideful of their cars like if they were made from God’s hands or something.

They are very snobby, infact the owner of Ferrari doesn’t like the people who buy their cars since because they are bought for “status”.

They also never test their cars on public tracks in comparison with other racing cars like when they wanted to test out the Porche 918 Spyder vs The McLaren P1 vs LaFerrari. Take a guess who bailed out on the performance test.

Just an update

Lambo are the perfect people to jump in on this because they make insane cars and they are never above clowning them up because Lambo are all about THE DRAMA ™

It’s worth noting that Ferruccio Lamborghini, the founder of the company originally only made tractors. His company became successful and at some point he bought a Ferrari, but had a complaint with the car. He ended up taking this complaint to Enzo Ferrari, himself, who told the man he did not take advice from a mere tractor maker. Four months later the first Lamborghini sports was birthed out of pure spite. I’d like to this somewhere he’s enjoying this immensely. 


FUCKING P U R R A R I

galexion: missanthrory: deathcomes4u: frommetrunui: frommetrunui: scaliefox: post-office-box-847: scaliefox: diarrheaworldstarhiphop...

Alive, Beautiful, and Target: sighinastorm: tree-of-blue-squirrel: weasley-detectives: i’ve been laughing at this for a full hour IT´S ALIVE beautiful example of the art of sequential photography
Alive, Beautiful, and Target: sighinastorm:
tree-of-blue-squirrel:

weasley-detectives:
i’ve been laughing at this for a full hour
IT´S ALIVE

beautiful example of the art of sequential photography

sighinastorm: tree-of-blue-squirrel: weasley-detectives: i’ve been laughing at this for a full hour IT´S ALIVE beautiful example of the ar...

Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

Alive, Beautiful, and Tumblr: sighinastorm: tree-of-blue-squirrel: weasley-detectives: i’ve been laughing at this for a full hour IT´S ALIVE beautiful example of the art of sequential photography
Alive, Beautiful, and Tumblr: sighinastorm:
tree-of-blue-squirrel:

weasley-detectives:
i’ve been laughing at this for a full hour
IT´S ALIVE

beautiful example of the art of sequential photography

sighinastorm: tree-of-blue-squirrel: weasley-detectives: i’ve been laughing at this for a full hour IT´S ALIVE beautiful example of the ar...

Hello, Internet, and Ironic: TYPOGRAPHICAL TONE OF VOICE 145 when did tumblr collectively decide not to use unctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing it iust looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river The popularity of this and similar posts both confirms that the describing a phenomenon widely recognized by fellow posters were neers and helped acculturate new users into the norms of the plat- form, such as signaling that a question is rhetorical or ironic by ask- ing it without a question mark. Ruhl cites another self-referential, widely shared, multiauthored post, this time from 2016. At first glance, it seems like it's primarily emphasis, but those examples example of different kinds of an interspersed in a neutral, minimal- are ist carrier sentence: i think it's really Cool how there are so many ways to express emphasis Completely different it's #wild TM on tumblr and they're all. #EmphasisTM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE The hashtagged, initial-capped, space-stretched, trademarked HEmphasisTM is a break in the system: it's got too many things ng on at once to be interpretable as more than a joke. But the reply all-capped WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, is simultaneously emphatic and minimalist: it signals strong feeling from the all caps and a rhe- torical question from the question syntax without a question mark. lumblr users were pography, but it wasn't just a Tumblr thing: it also started flourishing particularly self-reflexive about minimalist ty- allthingslinguistic: hi hello alert so that classic tumblr flowing jungle river post is now cited in a real book like an actual paper book and it’s called because internet and it’s all about the evolution of internet language and how TUMBLR DID THE THING and you can get it here
Hello, Internet, and Ironic: TYPOGRAPHICAL TONE OF VOICE 145
 when did tumblr collectively decide not to use
 unctuation like when did this happen why is
 this a thing
 it iust looks so smooth I mean look at
 this sentence flow like a jungle river
 The popularity of this and similar posts both confirms that the
 describing a phenomenon widely recognized by fellow
 posters were
 neers and helped acculturate new users into the norms of the plat-
 form, such as signaling that a question is rhetorical or ironic by ask-
 ing it without a question mark. Ruhl cites another self-referential,
 widely shared, multiauthored post, this time from 2016. At first
 glance, it seems like it's primarily
 emphasis, but those examples
 example of different kinds of
 an
 interspersed in a neutral, minimal-
 are
 ist carrier sentence:
 i think it's really Cool how there are so many ways
 to express emphasis
 Completely different it's #wild
 TM on tumblr and they're all.
 #EmphasisTM
 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
 The hashtagged, initial-capped, space-stretched, trademarked
 HEmphasisTM is a break in the system: it's got too many things
 ng on at once to be interpretable
 as more than a joke. But the reply
 all-capped WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, is simultaneously emphatic
 and minimalist: it signals strong feeling from the all caps and a rhe-
 torical question from the question syntax without a question mark.
 lumblr users were
 pography, but it wasn't just a Tumblr thing: it also started flourishing
 particularly self-reflexive about minimalist ty-
allthingslinguistic:

hi hello alert so that classic tumblr flowing jungle river post is now cited in a real book like an actual paper book and it’s called because internet and it’s all about the evolution of internet language and how TUMBLR DID THE THING and you can get it here

allthingslinguistic: hi hello alert so that classic tumblr flowing jungle river post is now cited in a real book like an actual paper book ...

Baked, Dad, and Fail: So my mom told me a story... theguilteaparty Growing up, my mom and her siblings would make banana bread every week Literally every week since the first one of them leamed how to make it, they started making banana bread- lo and behold though, they liked it with walnuts and they all knew their dad hated walnuts So they made a special loaf of banana bread just for him every week, just for him to eat Nobody else was allowed to eat it because that was his banana bread, baked especially for him So anyways, they did this once a week from middle school up until every last one of them moved out of the house (and considering there was at least 10 years difference from the oldest to the youngest, this was quite some time) So that's like... 16 years of weekly banana bread. And he always finished it He, without fail, ate the whole loaf of bread by himself That's approximately 835 loaves of banana bread. Now Skip ahead a few years and they're all visiting and baking banana bread and they start making a dad's bread and their mom comes in, "I don't think he can handle eating one more slice of banana breadl What are you talking about? He loves banana breadl He had it all the timel This is when my grandma, their mom, broke the news that my grandfather loathed banana bread with every fiber of his being, He just adored that his kids loved him enough to make him a special loaf of banana bread every week (and he didnt have the heart to tell them that he couldnt stand banana bread) and he was incredibly, utterly upset that my grandma tokd the kids his big secret My grandfather was a loving, patent, gentle man who absolutely hated banana bread but loved his kids so much more and I just wanted to share that with you guys. I think this story is just about the perfect example of the kind of person he was I’ve read this story a thousand times and it still makes me cry. I’m gonna go hug my grandparents via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2WZFNwz
Baked, Dad, and Fail: So my mom told me a story...
 theguilteaparty
 Growing up, my mom and her siblings would make banana bread every
 week
 Literally every week since the first one of them leamed how to make it, they
 started making banana bread- lo and behold though, they liked it with
 walnuts and they all knew their dad hated walnuts
 So they made a special loaf of banana bread just for him every week, just
 for him to eat Nobody else was allowed to eat it because that was his
 banana bread, baked especially for him
 So anyways, they did this once a week from middle school up until every
 last one of them moved out of the house (and considering there was at least
 10 years difference from the oldest to the youngest, this was quite some
 time) So that's like... 16 years of weekly banana bread. And he always
 finished it He, without fail, ate the whole loaf of bread by himself
 That's approximately 835 loaves of banana bread.
 Now
 Skip ahead a few years
 and they're all visiting and baking banana bread and they start making a
 dad's bread and their mom comes in, "I don't think he can handle eating one
 more slice of banana breadl
 What are you talking about? He loves banana breadl He had it all the timel
 This is when my grandma, their mom, broke the news that my grandfather
 loathed banana bread with every fiber of his being, He just adored that his
 kids loved him enough to make him a special loaf of banana bread every
 week (and he didnt have the heart to tell them that he couldnt stand
 banana bread) and he was incredibly, utterly upset that my grandma tokd
 the kids his big secret
 My grandfather was a loving, patent, gentle man who absolutely hated
 banana bread but loved his kids so much more and I just wanted to share
 that with you guys. I think this story is just about the perfect example of the
 kind of person he was
I’ve read this story a thousand times and it still makes me cry. I’m gonna go hug my grandparents via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2WZFNwz

I’ve read this story a thousand times and it still makes me cry. I’m gonna go hug my grandparents via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2WZFNw...

Baked, Dad, and Fail: So my mom told me a story... theguilteaparty Growing up, my mom and her siblings would make banana bread every week Literally every week since the first one of them leamed how to make it, they started making banana bread- lo and behold though, they liked it with walnuts and they all knew their dad hated walnuts So they made a special loaf of banana bread just for him every week, just for him to eat Nobody else was allowed to eat it because that was his banana bread, baked especially for him So anyways, they did this once a week from middle school up until every last one of them moved out of the house (and considering there was at least 10 years difference from the oldest to the youngest, this was quite some time) So that's like... 16 years of weekly banana bread. And he always finished it He, without fail, ate the whole loaf of bread by himself That's approximately 835 loaves of banana bread. Now Skip ahead a few years and they're all visiting and baking banana bread and they start making a dad's bread and their mom comes in, "I don't think he can handle eating one more slice of banana breadl What are you talking about? He loves banana breadl He had it all the timel This is when my grandma, their mom, broke the news that my grandfather loathed banana bread with every fiber of his being, He just adored that his kids loved him enough to make him a special loaf of banana bread every week (and he didnt have the heart to tell them that he couldnt stand banana bread) and he was incredibly, utterly upset that my grandma tokd the kids his big secret My grandfather was a loving, patent, gentle man who absolutely hated banana bread but loved his kids so much more and I just wanted to share that with you guys. I think this story is just about the perfect example of the kind of person he was I’ve read this story a thousand times and it still makes me cry. I’m gonna go hug my grandparents
Baked, Dad, and Fail: So my mom told me a story...
 theguilteaparty
 Growing up, my mom and her siblings would make banana bread every
 week
 Literally every week since the first one of them leamed how to make it, they
 started making banana bread- lo and behold though, they liked it with
 walnuts and they all knew their dad hated walnuts
 So they made a special loaf of banana bread just for him every week, just
 for him to eat Nobody else was allowed to eat it because that was his
 banana bread, baked especially for him
 So anyways, they did this once a week from middle school up until every
 last one of them moved out of the house (and considering there was at least
 10 years difference from the oldest to the youngest, this was quite some
 time) So that's like... 16 years of weekly banana bread. And he always
 finished it He, without fail, ate the whole loaf of bread by himself
 That's approximately 835 loaves of banana bread.
 Now
 Skip ahead a few years
 and they're all visiting and baking banana bread and they start making a
 dad's bread and their mom comes in, "I don't think he can handle eating one
 more slice of banana breadl
 What are you talking about? He loves banana breadl He had it all the timel
 This is when my grandma, their mom, broke the news that my grandfather
 loathed banana bread with every fiber of his being, He just adored that his
 kids loved him enough to make him a special loaf of banana bread every
 week (and he didnt have the heart to tell them that he couldnt stand
 banana bread) and he was incredibly, utterly upset that my grandma tokd
 the kids his big secret
 My grandfather was a loving, patent, gentle man who absolutely hated
 banana bread but loved his kids so much more and I just wanted to share
 that with you guys. I think this story is just about the perfect example of the
 kind of person he was
I’ve read this story a thousand times and it still makes me cry. I’m gonna go hug my grandparents

I’ve read this story a thousand times and it still makes me cry. I’m gonna go hug my grandparents

Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Being Alone, Be Like, and Bitch: 11Alive News @11AliveNews She went to the hospital to have her baby. Now her husband is raising two kids alone: on.11alive.com/2P9SS5 8:12 AM Oct 18, 2018 647 Retweets 929 Likes GEM @ROZtheCreator Dear BLACK WOMEN, It's time to educate ourselves even further... I believe it's time to hire more midwives or doulas and try to do home births.. idk if you guys didn't see that video where that Doctor explained that they don't listen BLACK WOMEN.., well here's proof 11Alive News @11AliveNews She went to the hospital to have her babv. Now her husband is raising two kids alone on.11alive.com/2P9SS5I 1:30 PM Oct 18, 2018 4K Retweets 6K Likes uncommonbish: mx-lamont: uncommonbish: BLACK MOTHERS shouldn’t be dying after giving birth but they are and it isn’t because of complications or health issues, it’s because NO ONE IS LISTENING WHEN THEY SPEAK! My little sister’s birthing is PRIME example of this! My parents ended up suing a hospital because Instead of the doctor being the one to deliver my little sister some random nurse did it. And SHE cut the umbilical cord (From where I come from that is the father’s duty) A janitor walked in right before delivery while my mom was in stirrups (business all out) to “mop the floor” They didn’t get my mom the right dosage of anastasia And to top it all off My mom literally KICKED that bitch of a fuckin nurse because on my mother’s paper work it say she is ALLERGIC TO LATEX!! 👏🏾AND👏🏾 WHAT👏🏾 DOES 👏🏾THAT👏🏾 BITCH 👏🏾WEAR👏🏾?!? LATEX GLOVES!!! My father had to run to the CVS across the street to buy a box of non-latex gloves for them to use because they didn’t have ANY non-latex gloves in the ENTIRE FUCKING HOSPITAL!!! I wish I were making this up. I wish I could just be like “lol jk” But my mother almost lost her life in birth because the hospital staff didn’t listen to her the SEVERAL TIMES she was trying to tell them something was wrong.
Being Alone, Be Like, and Bitch: 11Alive News
 @11AliveNews
 She went to the hospital to have her
 baby. Now her husband is raising two
 kids alone: on.11alive.com/2P9SS5
 8:12 AM Oct 18, 2018
 647 Retweets
 929 Likes

 GEM
 @ROZtheCreator
 Dear BLACK WOMEN,
 It's time to educate ourselves even
 further... I believe it's time to hire
 more midwives or doulas and try to
 do home births.. idk if you guys didn't
 see that video where that Doctor
 explained that they don't listen BLACK
 WOMEN.., well here's proof
 11Alive News @11AliveNews
 She went to the hospital to have her babv. Now her
 husband is raising two kids alone
 on.11alive.com/2P9SS5I
 1:30 PM Oct 18, 2018
 4K Retweets
 6K Likes
uncommonbish:
mx-lamont:

uncommonbish:
BLACK MOTHERS shouldn’t be dying after giving birth but they are and it isn’t because of complications or health issues, it’s because NO ONE IS LISTENING WHEN THEY SPEAK!

My little sister’s birthing is PRIME example of this!
My parents ended up suing a hospital because
 Instead of the doctor being the one to deliver my little sister some random nurse did it. 
And SHE cut the umbilical cord (From where I come from that is the father’s duty)
A janitor walked in right before delivery while my mom was in stirrups (business all out) to “mop the floor”
They didn’t get my mom the right dosage of anastasia
And to top it all off
My mom literally KICKED that bitch of a fuckin nurse because on my mother’s paper work it say she is ALLERGIC TO LATEX!! 👏🏾AND👏🏾 WHAT👏🏾 DOES 👏🏾THAT👏🏾 BITCH 👏🏾WEAR👏🏾?!? LATEX GLOVES!!! 
My father had to run to the CVS across the street to buy a box of non-latex gloves for them to use because they didn’t have ANY non-latex gloves in the ENTIRE FUCKING HOSPITAL!!!
I wish I were making this up. I wish I could just be like “lol jk”
But my mother almost lost her life in birth because the hospital staff didn’t listen to her the SEVERAL TIMES she was trying to tell them something was wrong.

uncommonbish: mx-lamont: uncommonbish: BLACK MOTHERS shouldn’t be dying after giving birth but they are and it isn’t because of complicatio...