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Anaconda, Ass, and Bitch: If she comes to ur house wearing these ur 100% getting laid douggiehouse Let me tell you about this one time when I was a virgin ass dude. This was about 2 hrs ago. I text this chick and tell her to come over so we can do my laundry together. I legit don't know how to do laundry and really wanted some professional help. I get my white tee shirts mixed with different colors bc I just don't know how it works. Anyways she slides thru my apt in some basket ball shorts and sports bra. I thought maybe she wanted to do flutter kicks after we got done doing laundry. As soon as she comes in she goes to my room and grabs the henny bottle I keep in my bathroom and starts drinking. Oh I keep the henny there for my bowel movements. Somehow henny helps wit that. So she's drinking and I'm like ok I get it bc I drink too before I do my laundry bc that shit be stressful. I was asking her how to properly wash my olive green rompers so they don't shrink and in the midst of that she grabs my dick and says "you hand wash it." I was like bet. And one thing lead to another and next thing you know I'm hitting her with the weakest strokes as I'm asking her Q&As about laundry. This is how it went. girl: ah fuck me Me: yea cool. I'm doing that now. So I gotta turn the machine to heavy duty for only sheets right? Her: yes daddy. Talk dirty to me Me: your coochie feels like my cum sock....crusty as shit. Oh speaking of socks, can I throw in my purple socks with my black socks? Or it gotta be the same color Her: yea yea yea yea Me: lol ok lil uzi I still don't know how to do laundry... and I feel like that bitch took advantage of me.
Anaconda, Ass, and Bitch: If she comes to ur house wearing
 these ur 100% getting laid
 douggiehouse
Let me tell you about this one time when I was a virgin ass dude. This was about 2 hrs ago. I text this chick and tell her to come over so we can do my laundry together. I legit don't know how to do laundry and really wanted some professional help. I get my white tee shirts mixed with different colors bc I just don't know how it works. Anyways she slides thru my apt in some basket ball shorts and sports bra. I thought maybe she wanted to do flutter kicks after we got done doing laundry. As soon as she comes in she goes to my room and grabs the henny bottle I keep in my bathroom and starts drinking. Oh I keep the henny there for my bowel movements. Somehow henny helps wit that. So she's drinking and I'm like ok I get it bc I drink too before I do my laundry bc that shit be stressful. I was asking her how to properly wash my olive green rompers so they don't shrink and in the midst of that she grabs my dick and says "you hand wash it." I was like bet. And one thing lead to another and next thing you know I'm hitting her with the weakest strokes as I'm asking her Q&As about laundry. This is how it went. girl: ah fuck me Me: yea cool. I'm doing that now. So I gotta turn the machine to heavy duty for only sheets right? Her: yes daddy. Talk dirty to me Me: your coochie feels like my cum sock....crusty as shit. Oh speaking of socks, can I throw in my purple socks with my black socks? Or it gotta be the same color Her: yea yea yea yea Me: lol ok lil uzi I still don't know how to do laundry... and I feel like that bitch took advantage of me.

Let me tell you about this one time when I was a virgin ass dude. This was about 2 hrs ago. I text this chick and tell her to come over so w...

Laundry, Memes, and πŸ€–: CNN trump's inauguration speech so you don't have to watch it 😬 ....so what do you guys plan on doing today? We are doing laundry.
Laundry, Memes, and πŸ€–: CNN
trump's inauguration speech so you don't have to watch it 😬 ....so what do you guys plan on doing today? We are doing laundry.

trump's inauguration speech so you don't have to watch it 😬 ....so what do you guys plan on doing today? We are doing laundry.

Ass, Be Like, and Bless Up: The only glo ups I care about: @DrSmashlove Alright second thing (peep my prior caption for part 1 of this): ladies if Mike making plans with u, he like u. PLANS. PLANS MEAN A RESTAURANT THAT SERVE FOOD. MIKE IN SWEATPANTS AND NIKE FLIP FLOPS at 11:02 pm AIN'T PLANS πŸ˜‚. U feel me? If he never making plans then he just keeping u warm. If he keeping shit fun, he likely fuck with u and u just give it time and also revert to point 1, above - keep options open - if Ethan who u see in the basement of your building doing laundry who always smile at u finally build up the balls to ask u out, give him a chance - u and Mike ain't married - and make it easy on Ethan, some of these young boys only know how to swipe, they never learned to spit game IRL - tease him a lil bit - tell him he not suppose to leave shit in the dryer for four hours and u could teach him how to time it so he ain't gotta iron - u feel me? Break his balls a lil bit. Go gentle tho some of these young boys are a lil pusspuss so u can't be all "HAHAHA THAT SHIRT IS UGLY WHERE DO U SHOP LOL DEAD WOW BOB SAGET FROM FULL HOUSE CALLED AND HE WANTS HIS SHIRT BACK *DAD* OL 'HEAD OF A HOUSEHOLD' LOOKIN ASS. ALSO, DOCKERS? DOCKER KHAKIS? HAHAHA OLD MAN LOOKIN ASS, GRANDPA MARV LOOKIN ASS, FIX ME A METAMUCIL AND SODA LOLOL." I love a woman who attack me relentlessly, stab me and then twist the knife, and push my buttons until steam coming out of my ears because I'm crazy πŸ€— but not all men can handle that πŸ˜‚. Tease him gently like in a flirty way: "ayeeee u know there's a way to do laundry so it doesn't get wrinkly - if you're lucky maybe I'll teach you some time πŸ˜‰" then just disappear with your pleasant smelling laundry and a lil switch in your step and fvck his brain up a lil bit u feel me? Have Ethan imagining how he gon ask u out. Then when u see him at the pub up the street be like, under your breath: "AM I GONNA HAVE TO LITERALLY GRAB YOU BY THE DICK AND LEAD YOU BACK TO MY PLACE LOL" and he's like "what??" And you're like "oh I was just saying they got Three Floyds here - I love this place πŸ˜€." Fvck with him a lil bit. Leave him a lil something. Ya dig? But just live life and keep options open. God cooked up a plan, jus wait on it πŸ‘Œ. Bless up! 😍
Ass, Be Like, and Bless Up: The only glo ups I care about:
 @DrSmashlove
Alright second thing (peep my prior caption for part 1 of this): ladies if Mike making plans with u, he like u. PLANS. PLANS MEAN A RESTAURANT THAT SERVE FOOD. MIKE IN SWEATPANTS AND NIKE FLIP FLOPS at 11:02 pm AIN'T PLANS πŸ˜‚. U feel me? If he never making plans then he just keeping u warm. If he keeping shit fun, he likely fuck with u and u just give it time and also revert to point 1, above - keep options open - if Ethan who u see in the basement of your building doing laundry who always smile at u finally build up the balls to ask u out, give him a chance - u and Mike ain't married - and make it easy on Ethan, some of these young boys only know how to swipe, they never learned to spit game IRL - tease him a lil bit - tell him he not suppose to leave shit in the dryer for four hours and u could teach him how to time it so he ain't gotta iron - u feel me? Break his balls a lil bit. Go gentle tho some of these young boys are a lil pusspuss so u can't be all "HAHAHA THAT SHIRT IS UGLY WHERE DO U SHOP LOL DEAD WOW BOB SAGET FROM FULL HOUSE CALLED AND HE WANTS HIS SHIRT BACK *DAD* OL 'HEAD OF A HOUSEHOLD' LOOKIN ASS. ALSO, DOCKERS? DOCKER KHAKIS? HAHAHA OLD MAN LOOKIN ASS, GRANDPA MARV LOOKIN ASS, FIX ME A METAMUCIL AND SODA LOLOL." I love a woman who attack me relentlessly, stab me and then twist the knife, and push my buttons until steam coming out of my ears because I'm crazy πŸ€— but not all men can handle that πŸ˜‚. Tease him gently like in a flirty way: "ayeeee u know there's a way to do laundry so it doesn't get wrinkly - if you're lucky maybe I'll teach you some time πŸ˜‰" then just disappear with your pleasant smelling laundry and a lil switch in your step and fvck his brain up a lil bit u feel me? Have Ethan imagining how he gon ask u out. Then when u see him at the pub up the street be like, under your breath: "AM I GONNA HAVE TO LITERALLY GRAB YOU BY THE DICK AND LEAD YOU BACK TO MY PLACE LOL" and he's like "what??" And you're like "oh I was just saying they got Three Floyds here - I love this place πŸ˜€." Fvck with him a lil bit. Leave him a lil something. Ya dig? But just live life and keep options open. God cooked up a plan, jus wait on it πŸ‘Œ. Bless up! 😍

Alright second thing (peep my prior caption for part 1 of this): ladies if Mike making plans with u, he like u. PLANS. PLANS MEAN A RESTAURA...