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Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower Routine NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013 23 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.
Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower
 Routine
 NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013
 23
 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for
rubitrightintomyeyes:
theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath  Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full exte...

Children, Field Trip, and Target: O Xaran So wild-west-wind: ftcreature: Children, this is dirt.   dirt?dirt?  dirt?dirt? dirt?dirt? dirt?  dirt?    dirt? dirt?    dirt?  A geology field trip
Children, Field Trip, and Target: O Xaran So
wild-west-wind:

ftcreature:

Children, this is dirt. 
 dirt?dirt?  dirt?dirt? dirt?dirt? dirt?  dirt?    dirt? dirt?    dirt? 


A geology field trip

wild-west-wind: ftcreature: Children, this is dirt.   dirt?dirt?  dirt?dirt? dirt?dirt? dirt?  dirt?    dirt? dirt?    dirt?  A geology ...

Tumblr, Blog, and Http: railroadsoftware:you know he sniffed a dirt
Tumblr, Blog, and Http: railroadsoftware:you know he sniffed a dirt

railroadsoftware:you know he sniffed a dirt

Life, Tumblr, and Blog: 2010 2011 mcdonaldsguy: this girl ate only purple go-gurt for 10 years of her life and this is what happened. Slurp on my ‘gurt. Cause you know its purp. Put me in the dirt. Put me in a shirt.
Life, Tumblr, and Blog: 2010 2011
mcdonaldsguy:

this girl ate only purple go-gurt for 10 years of her life and this is what happened.
Slurp on my ‘gurt.
Cause you know its purp.
Put me in the dirt.
Put me in a shirt.

mcdonaldsguy: this girl ate only purple go-gurt for 10 years of her life and this is what happened. Slurp on my ‘gurt. Cause you know its p...

Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀

TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our...

Driving, Life, and Netflix: 'Dream Unified Sc FA aturday, Ja 8:00 a.m.-1 Sunnyside High School 1 en Department of Transport who has an Employment issued by the Departmen citrity is entitled to a state Cross Scott. who works at a local tire center MPZ CHesTYノARtZON40AO STAR motor vehicle. Local man saves woman withP helearned fromTV's'The Office, The action came as i 4 2018 T Campbell that issue leento% to every İstan ca- Court rejected the st "dreamers"- those States flegally as chl censed By Danyelle Khmara for CPR in my life" Scott said. phone when driving custom I had no idea what I was do- ers' vehicles, to avoid theds CPR CLASSES But Ducey insisted gated to issue licenses t ernment placed in oth grams, lHike the victims RIZONA DALY STA Nothing in Cross Scott's ing: ife prepared him for finding Scott, the lead shop tech driving. traction of taking a call while The Red Cross ofters free hand-only CPR 30-minute steering wheel, her lips blae, Auto Care on South Siath Av. at Jack Purrier for three yearstono fnd cut aboufclesses clined to comment, st He says he fust reacted. He enue and East Valencia Road, But he's been working since call 520-381-6740 lawsuit were being mač broke a back window, opened was test-driving a customer's he was 14, often times more To take more extensive classment of Transportatio her door and crawled on top of car on Jan. 1l when he saw the than one job. Tall and lanky, es In CPR and a host of other ously said he wanted her. With no training, he gave white sedan with its hazard Scott's the kind of person who lifesaving techniques, go to her CPR that may have saved lights blinking in a dirt pull runs to open doors for wom redcross.org/take a-class for her life. even after a federal fud That decision will c off by Sixth Avenue and Drexel Road. Scott never brings his a variety of classes and prices See CPR, A2 "I've never prepared myself ANALYSIS Despite falling home sales, many properties still not affordable forpotential middle-class buyers First I was afraid, I was petrified
Driving, Life, and Netflix: 'Dream
 Unified Sc
 FA
 aturday, Ja
 8:00 a.m.-1
 Sunnyside High School 1
 en
 Department of Transport
 who has an Employment
 issued by the Departmen
 citrity is entitled to a state
 Cross Scott. who works at a local tire center
 MPZ CHesTYノARtZON40AO STAR
 motor vehicle.
 Local man saves woman withP
 helearned fromTV's'The Office,
 The action came as i
 4 2018 T
 Campbell that
 issue leento% to every
 İstan ca-
 Court rejected the st
 "dreamers"- those
 States flegally as chl
 censed
 By Danyelle Khmara
 for CPR in my life" Scott said. phone when driving custom
 I had no idea what I was do- ers' vehicles, to avoid theds CPR CLASSES
 But Ducey insisted
 gated to issue licenses t
 ernment placed in oth
 grams, lHike the victims
 RIZONA DALY STA
 Nothing in Cross Scott's ing:
 ife prepared him for finding Scott, the lead shop tech driving.
 traction of taking a call while
 The Red Cross ofters free
 hand-only CPR 30-minute
 steering wheel, her lips blae, Auto Care on South Siath Av. at Jack Purrier for three yearstono fnd cut aboufclesses
 clined to comment, st
 He says he fust reacted. He enue and East Valencia Road, But he's been working since call 520-381-6740
 lawsuit were being mač
 broke a back window, opened was test-driving a customer's he was 14, often times more To take more extensive classment of Transportatio
 her door and crawled on top of car on Jan. 1l when he saw the than one job. Tall and lanky, es In CPR and a host of other ously said he wanted
 her. With no training, he gave white sedan with its hazard Scott's the kind of person who lifesaving techniques, go to
 her CPR that may have saved lights blinking in a dirt pull runs to open doors for wom redcross.org/take a-class for
 her life.
 even after a federal fud
 That decision will c
 off by Sixth Avenue and Drexel
 Road. Scott never brings his
 a variety of classes and prices
 See CPR, A2
 "I've never prepared myself
 ANALYSIS
 Despite falling home sales, many properties still
 not affordable forpotential middle-class buyers
First I was afraid, I was petrified

First I was afraid, I was petrified

God, Oh My God, and Saw: supersugoiboi: violetohara: the-polyhedron: conquerorwurm: violetohara: violetohara: violetohara: violetohara: Tiny dirty stray kitten hanging out at the bottom of our stairs since yesterday. There are a lot of self-reliant ferals around our apartment, but this little thing was dirty covered in burrs. We gave it some chicken but couldn’t catch it. I think it may have wandered over from the outdoor cat hoarder colony down the street; that house is awful we saw kittens there last week. This morning the downstairs neighbor managed to grab it for us, and I put it on this cozy towel started combing and picking the burrs sticks out of its fur. It calmed down immediately and has been chilling here with me in the kitchen ever since. Got a vet appointment in an hour to get my little buddy cleaned up checked out. I hope it isn’t too sick; I think it might have a cold. If we can, we are probably going to keep her. What a difference a day makes! Took this little guy to the vet, got the fleas and dirt washed off him, got some antibiotics for a slight cold, but he is otherwise fine. Kneading and purring up a storm, eating a lot and being heart-crushingly adorable.  We have named this glorious creature Nux. A little over a month later and Nux is growing into a very long and floppy shoulder cat! Oh my god!!!! i’m so happy for this cat i hope nux knows im proud of him I just told him!
God, Oh My God, and Saw: supersugoiboi:

violetohara:

the-polyhedron:

conquerorwurm:

violetohara:


violetohara:


violetohara:


violetohara:


Tiny dirty stray kitten hanging out at the bottom of our stairs since yesterday. There are a lot of self-reliant ferals around our apartment, but this little thing was dirty  covered in burrs. We gave it some chicken but couldn’t catch it. I think it may have wandered over from the outdoor cat hoarder colony down the street; that house is awful  we saw kittens there last week.

This morning the downstairs neighbor managed to grab it for us, and I put it on this cozy towel  started combing and picking the burrs  sticks out of its fur. It calmed down immediately and has been chilling here with me in the kitchen ever since. Got a vet appointment in an hour to get my little buddy cleaned up  checked out. I hope it isn’t too sick; I think it might have a cold.

If we can, we are probably going to keep her.


What a difference a day makes! Took this little guy to the vet, got the fleas and dirt washed off him, got some antibiotics for a slight cold, but he is otherwise fine. Kneading and purring up a storm, eating a lot and being heart-crushingly adorable. 


We have named this glorious creature Nux.


A little over a month later and Nux is growing into a very long and floppy shoulder cat!


Oh my god!!!!

i’m so happy for this cat i hope nux knows im proud of him

I just told him!

supersugoiboi: violetohara: the-polyhedron: conquerorwurm: violetohara: violetohara: violetohara: violetohara: Tiny dirty stray ...

Lawyer, Love, and Shoes: the funniest thing in the entire pirates of one scene in At World's End where they have parlay but davy jones is part of it and rather then have him stand in thhe shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have in stand on it who thought of that idea? who thought put davy jones in a bucket of water and had the guts to suggest aloud? and then who went "hey that sounds at some point someone toid davy janes bucket of water and he agreed to it tis ok but notice the trail of buckets behind before he got into the one hes standing It's even funnier when you consider how he must have figured all this out in the Some folic are asking wel, if he can avaid the no-dry-land curse simply by standing in a bucket, doesn't that ruin his whole motvation?" but he's not on The parley takes place on a sandbar the shore, that spends most of its time What Jones is doing here is rules- the trial and error he must have gone through in order to determine that this "Okay, do islands count as dry land? How about parts of the share below the high tide mark? Reefs? Shoas? What if Does it have to be seawater, ar will ay water do? Does it have to be a natural Pretty sure that this implies that the the water toig bucket with just a bit of sand), would quaify as dry land. That's absurd, so I'm pretty sure that his lawyer pulled a fast one over the curse It may be absurd, but the text of the fitm bears it out Davy Jones can sense the presence of his heart while it's a sea, but not whie it's on land indeed that's why he buried it on land in the first place to break his connection with it)-yet placing the heart n a simplo jar land does, aven ifth0 jar is a boat at filled with dirt absolutely count as dry land for the purpose of Jonescrse Then the reverse should aso be true. i he buried it in a jer of water, no matter how far inland it is, he would be able to senso it. So by this logia, any container a curse than it is to weasel around i-I figune that's why he's using multple forbidden to set foot on dry land, but it's technically not dry land (it's a exposed only at low tide) and he technicaly ddn't set foot on it thes standing in a bucker of wateri. It's ckay but this all raises one further, very dry land he's forbidden from, what can Davy Jones fight you in salt marshes? can he trow down in a pear This is the quality content I come to could he step ฉn land if his shoes are No matter how ridiculous PotC gets l will love it. Especially when it results in What it he crawis around on his hands and inees, with his teet raised slightly nto the air? Can he walk on his hands? Can he ride around in a litter or What if he flies over dry land? Like in a hot air baloon, or in the clews of a giant Whar it hes carried by two swaliows In fact im not entirely sure thalt it wasnt At Wit’s End
Lawyer, Love, and Shoes: the funniest thing in the entire pirates of
 one scene in At World's End where they
 have parlay but davy jones is part of it
 and rather then have him stand in thhe
 shallows or something they get a big
 bucket of water and have in stand on it
 who thought of that idea? who thought
 put davy jones in a bucket of water
 and had the guts to suggest aloud?
 and then who went "hey that sounds
 at some point someone toid davy janes
 bucket of water and he agreed to it
 tis
 ok but notice the trail of buckets behind
 before he got into the one hes standing
 It's even funnier when you consider how
 he must have figured all this out in the
 Some folic are asking wel, if he can
 avaid the no-dry-land curse simply by
 standing in a bucket, doesn't that ruin
 his whole motvation?" but he's not on
 The parley takes place on a sandbar
 the shore, that spends most of its time
 What Jones is doing here is rules-
 the trial and error he must have gone
 through in order to determine that this
 "Okay, do islands count as dry land?
 How about parts of the share below the
 high tide mark? Reefs? Shoas? What if
 Does it have to be seawater, ar will ay
 water do? Does it have to be a natural
 Pretty sure that this implies that the
 the water toig bucket with just a bit of
 sand), would quaify as dry land. That's
 absurd, so I'm pretty sure that his
 lawyer pulled a fast one over the curse
 It may be absurd, but the text of the
 fitm bears it out Davy Jones can sense
 the presence of his heart while it's a
 sea, but not whie it's on land indeed
 that's why he buried it on land in the
 first place to break his connection with
 it)-yet placing the heart n a simplo jar
 land does, aven ifth0 jar is
 a boat at
 filled with dirt absolutely count as dry
 land for the purpose of Jonescrse
 Then the reverse should aso be true. i
 he buried it in a jer of water, no matter
 how far inland it is, he would be able to
 senso it. So by this logia, any container
 a curse than it is to weasel around i-I
 figune that's why he's using multple
 forbidden to set foot on dry land, but
 it's technically not dry land (it's a
 exposed only at low tide) and he
 technicaly ddn't set foot on it thes
 standing in a bucker of wateri. It's
 ckay but this all raises one further, very
 dry land he's forbidden from, what
 can Davy Jones fight you in salt
 marshes? can he trow down in a pear
 This is the quality content I come to
 could he step ฉn land if his shoes are
 No matter how ridiculous PotC gets l
 will love it. Especially when it results in
 What it he crawis around on his hands
 and inees, with his teet raised slightly
 nto the air? Can he walk on his hands?
 Can he ride around in a litter or
 What if he flies over dry land? Like in a
 hot air baloon, or in the clews of a giant
 Whar it hes carried by two swaliows
 In fact im not entirely sure thalt it wasnt
At Wit’s End

At Wit’s End

Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home. 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. . The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so l told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later andI never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver's side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him you know that sounds super suspicious right and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so l clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me 'piñata and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie c got caught torturing animals cause he finally 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually es- caped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wig- gling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lved another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play 'bloody mary in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead. 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of... locked up forever and never gon ear 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360° spin with nobody touching it, so I said 'that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing l'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no elsean Source: teaboot 205.063 notes Teaboots Adventures As That White Girl in Horror Movies
Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot
 The amount of times I could have been that
 white girl in the horror movie could honestly
 be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste
 that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on
 film because it would be HILARIOUS
 teaboot
 1. That one time I decided to see what was
 past the old gate in the woods, but when
 got there it had been smashed in half and
 there was a decapitated sheep head with no
 skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned
 around and went home.
 2. That time some friends and I went camping
 and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a
 garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult
 supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just
 put it back and didn't talk about it again.
 3. The time I was getting chased through
 the woods at night and I realized "wait it's
 dark as fuck so I just held still until the guy
 gave up and left.
 . The time this dude said he was in love with
 me and so he was going to cut my head off
 and dump my body in a lake, so l told him
 to grow the hell up, but then he got caught
 stealing girl's underwear a day later andI
 never saw him again
 5. That one time in college where I was
 taking a shortcut on my home at night and a
 car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared
 directly into the driver's side of the window
 and walked towards it to psych them out
 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old
 guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck
 and that he needed someone my size to crawl
 in through the back window for him, so I told
 him you know that sounds super suspicious
 right and told him where to find a pay phone
 for a tow truck instead
 7. The one time this random guy on the street
 said he was in love with me and so he was
 going to follow me home on my bus, so l
 clapped him on the shoulder and told him that
 if he got that close to my bus then I was going
 to throw him under the wheels, but then this
 really nice homeless man from Nigeria told
 the guy to fuck off and then checked to make
 sure he didn't follow me onboard
 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found
 in a well and brought home who used to put
 rotting meat in my closet and wake me up
 by chewing on my face, until I put him back
 outside and never saw him again.
 9. My one cousin who used to come over
 for the summer who kept calling me 'piñata
 and hitting me with sticks, until he went back
 home and was sent to juvie c
 got caught torturing animals
 cause he finally
 10. The time I got lost on the way to a
 meeting and wound up at a circus tent
 instead, and got followed by a full-out clown
 for three vacant street blocks
 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven
 who would scream all night and eventually es-
 caped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wig-
 gling through the hole. My mom caught it and
 put it back but it lved another year and a half
 until one night the screaming just stopped
 12. The time I was whistling in the woods
 and something started whistling back,
 so I went home
 13. That one night at summer camp where
 a group of girls got together to play 'bloody
 mary in the lavatory and invited me to
 come with them so I said "no thanks" and
 stayed with the camp councillors and
 drank soup instead.
 14. The old abandoned house I just moved
 into with the door that leads into a big
 empty room full of dirt and empty cooking
 pots that I just sort of... locked up forever
 and never gon
 ear
 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a
 coffee mug do a full 360° spin with nobody
 touching it, so I said 'that was neat' and
 never ate there again
 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven
 sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town
 church cause it was the most goth thing l'd
 ever seen, right? But then it swooped down
 towards me, so I apologized immediately for
 being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while
 but the car that hit me on the way home didn't
 even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds
 teaboot
 Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but
 sometimes im awake at night and I just.
 keep thinking
 teaboot
 I think the secret to survival is to be good to
 animals, stay away from men, and say "no
 elsean
 Source: teaboot
 205.063 notes
Teaboots Adventures As That White Girl  in Horror Movies

Teaboots Adventures As That White Girl in Horror Movies