Crime

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Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC Guys this is the true crime story of the decade: Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air. This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip every now and then - just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for... something. Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened. Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium The next train stop was five minutes away. πŸ’¨ @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜‚
Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC Guys this is the true crime story of the decade: Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air. This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip every now and then - just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for... something. Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened. Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium The next train stop was five minutes away. πŸ’¨ @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜‚

πŸ’¨ @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜‚

Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity. Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell where one began and the other ended That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge. Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway. (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can't be stopped) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome
Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity. Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell where one began and the other ended That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge. Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway. (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can't be stopped) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Arguing, Beautiful, and Bless Up: Our Ginger lost her eye in November, but is a tough girl and we think just as beautiful as ever! So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit πŸ˜‚) and I’m like β€œaye I seen your snap story you look super happy being home” and she like β€œBreak is relaxing!! T God!! I needed it. And hehe yeah Jim is a keeper ☺️☺️☺️ miss u” <β€” I did not edit this lmao this how she talk I’m pasting here to prove I ain’t make this Sh!t up πŸ₯Ά. And I’m like β€œJim?” And she like β€œMy father!!!! I call my parents Jim & Mary lmao whiteprivilege. I know lots of kids would be gettin the belt or facing the wrath of the chancla πŸ˜‚πŸ’€β€ FAMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMm πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Y’all really got the chancla confrused (yes β€˜confrused’.) Y’all confrused about the chancla fam. Chancleta came out for MINOR offenses. Misdemeanors. Not no COT damn felony manslaughter πŸ˜‚. Failure to obey the reasonable directive of mom duke: chancleta. Talk bacc to mama after she said something wildly offensive: chancleta. Fight - argue with big sister who started it and plus I was acting in self defense: chancleta + wooden spoon. Fam! I would get the chancleta for some Sh!t I ain’t do! πŸ˜‚ Framed for a crime and without any due process: chancleta. If I hecked around and called my mama by her government(?) FAM πŸ˜‚. That’s not a slap on the wrist (with a chancleta). That would just be: β€œgoodbye.” Deada$$. Like β€œgood πŸ‘......bye πŸ˜₯”. Emphasis on the good but then a soft, theatrical β€˜bye’. That’s not even a β€œtalk it out”. That’s just one of them β€œpack a small suitcase and literally dip” like in the movies lmao. Like I gotta come bacc after 10 years and I knock on the door and I have very long facial hair (even longer that it is now 😬) and she don’t recognize me and I’m like β€œmama?” And she like β€œI am sorry u at the wrong house.” And I’m like β€œmama I’m your son.” And she like β€œI HAD a son. He died.” YES FAM - DIED. DECEASED. LIKE HOW DECEASED I STILL BE EVERY TIME ONE OF MY HWITE FRENS BE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THEY PARENTS. YALL BEYOND WILD FOR THAT. BLESS UP πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (Slide 1: u-aprils96. Slide 2: u-stados4. Slide 3: u-JamesonRae. Slide 4: u-coinmurderer. Slide 5: u-BlemMlemFlep. Slide 6: u-samosa_pav.).
Arguing, Beautiful, and Bless Up: Our Ginger lost her eye in November, but is a tough girl and we think just as beautiful as ever! So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit πŸ˜‚) and I’m like β€œaye I seen your snap story you look super happy being home” and she like β€œBreak is relaxing!! T God!! I needed it. And hehe yeah Jim is a keeper ☺️☺️☺️ miss u” <β€” I did not edit this lmao this how she talk I’m pasting here to prove I ain’t make this Sh!t up πŸ₯Ά. And I’m like β€œJim?” And she like β€œMy father!!!! I call my parents Jim & Mary lmao whiteprivilege. I know lots of kids would be gettin the belt or facing the wrath of the chancla πŸ˜‚πŸ’€β€ FAMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMm πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Y’all really got the chancla confrused (yes β€˜confrused’.) Y’all confrused about the chancla fam. Chancleta came out for MINOR offenses. Misdemeanors. Not no COT damn felony manslaughter πŸ˜‚. Failure to obey the reasonable directive of mom duke: chancleta. Talk bacc to mama after she said something wildly offensive: chancleta. Fight - argue with big sister who started it and plus I was acting in self defense: chancleta + wooden spoon. Fam! I would get the chancleta for some Sh!t I ain’t do! πŸ˜‚ Framed for a crime and without any due process: chancleta. If I hecked around and called my mama by her government(?) FAM πŸ˜‚. That’s not a slap on the wrist (with a chancleta). That would just be: β€œgoodbye.” Deada$$. Like β€œgood πŸ‘......bye πŸ˜₯”. Emphasis on the good but then a soft, theatrical β€˜bye’. That’s not even a β€œtalk it out”. That’s just one of them β€œpack a small suitcase and literally dip” like in the movies lmao. Like I gotta come bacc after 10 years and I knock on the door and I have very long facial hair (even longer that it is now 😬) and she don’t recognize me and I’m like β€œmama?” And she like β€œI am sorry u at the wrong house.” And I’m like β€œmama I’m your son.” And she like β€œI HAD a son. He died.” YES FAM - DIED. DECEASED. LIKE HOW DECEASED I STILL BE EVERY TIME ONE OF MY HWITE FRENS BE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THEY PARENTS. YALL BEYOND WILD FOR THAT. BLESS UP πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (Slide 1: u-aprils96. Slide 2: u-stados4. Slide 3: u-JamesonRae. Slide 4: u-coinmurderer. Slide 5: u-BlemMlemFlep. Slide 6: u-samosa_pav.).

So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit πŸ˜‚) and I’m like β€œaye I seen you...

Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417 parents spent most of childhood fighting dad was alwavs pissed >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm gonna beat you if you dont this and this") vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip was maybe 6 years old >broke my toys >mother never did anything says she's always there for me and the only one who actually acknowledged that their long ass divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience for me lies and manipulates people cheated on my dad when I was 9 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give it back >dad's gf is actually kinda alright >she relays every thing i say to my dad or grandparents though tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a chair while at grandma's house extremely concerned about how other's view her typical woman.jpg have a family they all hate me because of my mum the only family member I truly love and would miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a year just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and move far away from all of the bullshit Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109 2/3 got accepted to good college >mom immediately thought that I would go on a drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble >demand I install tracking software for the smart phone she gave me "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high school?!" largely "encouraged" to choose a particular engineering major extended family, particularly mom's side, made very clear to me the consequences for changing majors, that it would be held over my head for the rest of my life (they did it to cousin) >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble still maintained good grades throughout (dropped only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive program while taking a minor and premed courses) develop some of my own non-academic interests and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it all o stupidest thing I did was ask out high school oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest of the 4 years nearly dropped out of major over that only thing that stopped me was seeing that it would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would be impossible to explain to family heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite? >powered through major despite slowly dying every day surrounded by people who hated me with no way out >family never knevw constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder graduated get rejected by every medical program in the country >by this time mom cut connections with family who had always been treating her like shit thought things would get better, at least at home Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258 3/3 forced to take job at shithole startup witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit: racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich degenerates playing company >mom never believed me when I explained thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me even in middle of conversation >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l make the mistake of talking about what happened over there I have since changed jobs and am still working on my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm extremely emotionally needy, especially towards women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the point where I'm pushing away a formerly close friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to me The worst thing is that through all this, my mom (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say it's all my fault for not being "strong" or independent" enough. For example a few weeks ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into staying in my major, even when my heart and brain were both begging to be allowed to run, when they probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was in, and this made me too scared to leave since l feared a trickle down punishment from her. She told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront others (although I have witnessed this several times). I have to keep pretending everything is alright though it is getting harder every day. There's nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would believe me? Anon has a bad childhood
Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417 parents spent most of childhood fighting dad was alwavs pissed >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm gonna beat you if you dont this and this") vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip was maybe 6 years old >broke my toys >mother never did anything says she's always there for me and the only one who actually acknowledged that their long ass divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience for me lies and manipulates people cheated on my dad when I was 9 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give it back >dad's gf is actually kinda alright >she relays every thing i say to my dad or grandparents though tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a chair while at grandma's house extremely concerned about how other's view her typical woman.jpg have a family they all hate me because of my mum the only family member I truly love and would miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a year just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and move far away from all of the bullshit Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109 2/3 got accepted to good college >mom immediately thought that I would go on a drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble >demand I install tracking software for the smart phone she gave me "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high school?!" largely "encouraged" to choose a particular engineering major extended family, particularly mom's side, made very clear to me the consequences for changing majors, that it would be held over my head for the rest of my life (they did it to cousin) >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble still maintained good grades throughout (dropped only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive program while taking a minor and premed courses) develop some of my own non-academic interests and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it all o stupidest thing I did was ask out high school oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest of the 4 years nearly dropped out of major over that only thing that stopped me was seeing that it would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would be impossible to explain to family heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite? >powered through major despite slowly dying every day surrounded by people who hated me with no way out >family never knevw constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder graduated get rejected by every medical program in the country >by this time mom cut connections with family who had always been treating her like shit thought things would get better, at least at home Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258 3/3 forced to take job at shithole startup witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit: racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich degenerates playing company >mom never believed me when I explained thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me even in middle of conversation >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l make the mistake of talking about what happened over there I have since changed jobs and am still working on my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm extremely emotionally needy, especially towards women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the point where I'm pushing away a formerly close friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to me The worst thing is that through all this, my mom (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say it's all my fault for not being "strong" or independent" enough. For example a few weeks ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into staying in my major, even when my heart and brain were both begging to be allowed to run, when they probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was in, and this made me too scared to leave since l feared a trickle down punishment from her. She told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront others (although I have witnessed this several times). I have to keep pretending everything is alright though it is getting harder every day. There's nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would believe me? Anon has a bad childhood

Anon has a bad childhood

Click, Complex, and Crime: When I became your Prime Minister the United Kingdom had just voted to leave the European Union. From my first day in the job, I knew I had a clear mission before me -a duty to fulil on your behalf: to honour the result of the referendum and secure a brighter future for our country by negotiating a good Brexit deal with the EU. Throughout the long and complex negotiations that have taken place over the last year and a half, I have never lost sight of that duty Today, I am in Brussels with the firm intention of agreeing a Brexit deal with the leaders of the other 27 EU nations. It will be a deal that is in our national interest one that works for our whole country and all of our people, whether you voted Leave' or 'Remain. It will honour the result of the referendum. We wl take back control of our borders, by putting an end to the free movement of people once and for all. Instead of an immigration system based on where a person comes from, we will build one based on the skills and talents a person has to offer. We will take back control of our money, by putting an end to vast annual payments to the EU. Instead, we will be able to spend British taxpayer's money on our own priorities, like the extra Β£394 million per week that we are investing in our long-term plan for the NHS And we will take back control of our laws, by ending the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice in the UK. In future, our laws will be made, interpreted and enforced by our own courts and legislatures We will be out of EU programmes that do not work in our interests: out of the Common Agricultural Policy, that has failed our farmers, and out of the Common Fisheries Policy, that has failed our coastal communities. Instead, we will be able to design a system of agricultural support that works for us and we will be an independent coastal state once again, with full control over our waters. The deal also protects the things we value. EU citizens who have built their lives in the United Kingdom will have their rights protected, as will UK citizens living elsewhere in the EU. A free trade area will allow goods to flow easily across our borders, protecting the many skilled jobs right across the country that rely on integrated supply-chains. Because our European friends will always be our allies in the fight against terrorism and organised crime, the deal wl ensure that security co-operation will continue, so we can keep our people safe. "I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all of our people." Theresa May has written an open letter to the British public to appeal for their support for the Brexit deal. She said her plan promises a "brighter future" for the UK and leaving the EU will be "a moment of renewal and reconciliation for our whole country". EU leaders are in Brussels for a special summit to decide whether to endorse the deal. Many UK MPs - including Conservatives - say they will vote against it. Click the link in our bio to follow all the latest as it happens. Brexit politics unitedkingdom EU bbcnews
Click, Complex, and Crime: When I became your Prime Minister the United Kingdom had just voted to leave the European Union. From my first day in the job, I knew I had a clear mission before me -a duty to fulil on your behalf: to honour the result of the referendum and secure a brighter future for our country by negotiating a good Brexit deal with the EU. Throughout the long and complex negotiations that have taken place over the last year and a half, I have never lost sight of that duty Today, I am in Brussels with the firm intention of agreeing a Brexit deal with the leaders of the other 27 EU nations. It will be a deal that is in our national interest one that works for our whole country and all of our people, whether you voted Leave' or 'Remain. It will honour the result of the referendum. We wl take back control of our borders, by putting an end to the free movement of people once and for all. Instead of an immigration system based on where a person comes from, we will build one based on the skills and talents a person has to offer. We will take back control of our money, by putting an end to vast annual payments to the EU. Instead, we will be able to spend British taxpayer's money on our own priorities, like the extra Β£394 million per week that we are investing in our long-term plan for the NHS And we will take back control of our laws, by ending the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice in the UK. In future, our laws will be made, interpreted and enforced by our own courts and legislatures We will be out of EU programmes that do not work in our interests: out of the Common Agricultural Policy, that has failed our farmers, and out of the Common Fisheries Policy, that has failed our coastal communities. Instead, we will be able to design a system of agricultural support that works for us and we will be an independent coastal state once again, with full control over our waters. The deal also protects the things we value. EU citizens who have built their lives in the United Kingdom will have their rights protected, as will UK citizens living elsewhere in the EU. A free trade area will allow goods to flow easily across our borders, protecting the many skilled jobs right across the country that rely on integrated supply-chains. Because our European friends will always be our allies in the fight against terrorism and organised crime, the deal wl ensure that security co-operation will continue, so we can keep our people safe. "I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all of our people." Theresa May has written an open letter to the British public to appeal for their support for the Brexit deal. She said her plan promises a "brighter future" for the UK and leaving the EU will be "a moment of renewal and reconciliation for our whole country". EU leaders are in Brussels for a special summit to decide whether to endorse the deal. Many UK MPs - including Conservatives - say they will vote against it. Click the link in our bio to follow all the latest as it happens. Brexit politics unitedkingdom EU bbcnews

"I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all o...