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Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer puppies to an aspiring photographer DrSmashlove So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂
Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur
 So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer
 puppies to an aspiring photographer
 DrSmashlove
So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂

So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice crea...

Ass, Beautiful, and Bitch: When she takes you back to her place and you notice some red flags but you play it off cuz you're trying to get your dick wet teel very welcome here. When you trying to catch some soul snatching, toes curling, meat coiling. Metal twisting, ducks flapping, cows chirping, ball jiggling , nipples burning head nothing can come in the way. If I had a choice between answering grandpa Dales life alert call or that 2am you up text, Ima be excavating that pussy like the Miranda trench. I nut quick so I’ll be back in time to assist with his life alert. I hate sex. No honestly it’s complicated. You gotta find a apropoate time, place, what if she’s on her period that week? I don’t bang with that blood shit. Not to mention feelings can be caught like receivers, stds transferred like a bus ride, and hope crushed like a cervix. When them beautiful ebony cheeks spread and that feeling of paradise cause her walls to talk. Color coordinated and all that was a pipe dream. When there was chocolate mud cake waiting for me. Me, being the genuine guy that I am. Notified this girl there was shit in her ass. Bitch dead giggled and said stop lien. This probably the worse times for me to play 2 truths and a lie. What do you do when she doesn’t believe you? What you think I did? I love finger painting. When life gives you lemon make lemonade.
Ass, Beautiful, and Bitch: When she takes you back to her
 place and you notice some red
 flags but you play it off cuz you're
 trying to get your dick wet
 teel very welcome here.
When you trying to catch some soul snatching, toes curling, meat coiling. Metal twisting, ducks flapping, cows chirping, ball jiggling , nipples burning head nothing can come in the way. If I had a choice between answering grandpa Dales life alert call or that 2am you up text, Ima be excavating that pussy like the Miranda trench. I nut quick so I’ll be back in time to assist with his life alert. I hate sex. No honestly it’s complicated. You gotta find a apropoate time, place, what if she’s on her period that week? I don’t bang with that blood shit. Not to mention feelings can be caught like receivers, stds transferred like a bus ride, and hope crushed like a cervix. When them beautiful ebony cheeks spread and that feeling of paradise cause her walls to talk. Color coordinated and all that was a pipe dream. When there was chocolate mud cake waiting for me. Me, being the genuine guy that I am. Notified this girl there was shit in her ass. Bitch dead giggled and said stop lien. This probably the worse times for me to play 2 truths and a lie. What do you do when she doesn’t believe you? What you think I did? I love finger painting. When life gives you lemon make lemonade.

When you trying to catch some soul snatching, toes curling, meat coiling. Metal twisting, ducks flapping, cows chirping, ball jiggling , nip...

Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it now hug me human! @DrSmashlove Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂
Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it
 now hug me human!
 @DrSmashlove
Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂

Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that...