🔥 | Latest

Ass, Bitch, and Cute: THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE THAT COT SHIT TO SAY ABOUT ME THE AMOUNT OF PPL THAT'S CONNA SAY OR DO SOMETHING WHEN THEY SEE I remember about 1½ years ago a soldier on Schofield angrily dm'd me after going through his wife's phone. It was in reference to his wife sliding into my dm asking me to meet up and smash in her 2005 chevy tahoe, in the parking structure of @24hourfitness_pearlcity. I declined the offer. She was cute, I ain't gon lie. I woulda went balls deep. But declined the offer nonetheless. Something was a little off about her. And I just said to myself, "Nah ima pass". I just told her that if she wanted to workout and take a few selfies, we could. I told him the same thing. He didn't wanna hear allat, though. And he threatened my life 😂😂😂 talm bout "Why you hittin on my wife? You a bitch and ima kill yo ass." First of all, I didn't eeeem know she was married cause you ain't on her page. At all. Second of all I just seen her on Tinder so she probably already cheatin on yo lame ass. Third of all, I don't smash wives anymore. I learned my lesson and changed my ways. And lastly...BET!!!!!!!!! I'll be your huckleberry like a MF. So I told him to meet me at the Martinez gym parking lot and we can squab. Then I left my house, in Kailua, and drove 40 minutes to Schofield and waited 2 hours on him to show up. And I was lifting while I waited! So I was already fatiguing my muscles so he could have a better chance of takin my life like he swore he would have. Bitch ass nigga was a no show 😂😂😂😂😂😂.
Ass, Bitch, and Cute: THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE
 THAT COT SHIT TO SAY ABOUT
 ME
 THE AMOUNT OF PPL THAT'S
 CONNA SAY OR DO
 SOMETHING WHEN THEY SEE
I remember about 1½ years ago a soldier on Schofield angrily dm'd me after going through his wife's phone. It was in reference to his wife sliding into my dm asking me to meet up and smash in her 2005 chevy tahoe, in the parking structure of @24hourfitness_pearlcity. I declined the offer. She was cute, I ain't gon lie. I woulda went balls deep. But declined the offer nonetheless. Something was a little off about her. And I just said to myself, "Nah ima pass". I just told her that if she wanted to workout and take a few selfies, we could. I told him the same thing. He didn't wanna hear allat, though. And he threatened my life 😂😂😂 talm bout "Why you hittin on my wife? You a bitch and ima kill yo ass." First of all, I didn't eeeem know she was married cause you ain't on her page. At all. Second of all I just seen her on Tinder so she probably already cheatin on yo lame ass. Third of all, I don't smash wives anymore. I learned my lesson and changed my ways. And lastly...BET!!!!!!!!! I'll be your huckleberry like a MF. So I told him to meet me at the Martinez gym parking lot and we can squab. Then I left my house, in Kailua, and drove 40 minutes to Schofield and waited 2 hours on him to show up. And I was lifting while I waited! So I was already fatiguing my muscles so he could have a better chance of takin my life like he swore he would have. Bitch ass nigga was a no show 😂😂😂😂😂😂.

I remember about 1½ years ago a soldier on Schofield angrily dm'd me after going through his wife's phone. It was in reference to his wife s...

Be Like, Bless Up, and Chill: When you're a good boy on vacation and your owners let you up on the hotel bed @DrSmashlove (Sound on 🔊) My reaction when I meet a girl at a bar and she take me back to her crib afterward and her room surprisingly actually tidy and the bed is made and there isn’t laundry everywhere 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😂 “wowwwwww smash with the FOULNESS today FIRST of all SOME LADIES WORK. A JOB. WE LEAVE QUICKLY AND CANT MAKE THE BED. WE GOTTA APPLY MAKE UP. WE GOTTA DO HAIR. WE GOTTA LOOK PRESENTABLE. U AINT GOT THAT STRESS. HALF THE MEN I WORK WITH DONT EVEN BATHE IN THE AM WITCHOE PERSNICKETY DEMANDING A$$ IF 👏 U 👏 SO 👏 DEMANDING 👏 THEN 👏 MAKE 👏 MY 👏 BED 👏 THEN 👏 LAY 👏 IN 👏 IT 👏 D!CKFACE 👏. LOOKIN A$$ 😤.” Yep. Like I said baby. Make ya bed “IT TAKE ONLY THREE MINUTE” *my haunting mama’s voice* BLESS UP 😍😂😂 [Editor’s Note: shout to u ladies who be like “WELL. I really want you to come up 😌. But my place is a mess LOL!” Me: *shannon sharpe voice* “THAT AIN NO PRAHBLEM! That ain’t no problem 😊.” Girl: “LOL OKAYYYY NO JUDGING THO! Lolol!” Me: *judges vigorously in secret* 🤗😂. Second editor’s note: “wowwwww smash is a h0e and not only that a judgmental h0e where did this come from? He was fake woke?!! Guess he’s just another worthless man now.” Me: y’all really need to chill and let me off the leash occasionally all my sisters is brilliant and they all got careers and guess what, busy women ain’t trying to impress no cot damn man sometimes u gotta do a catch-up clean on the wknd LET ME TEASE YALL SOMETIMES I AM STILL AN ALLY LMAO SOMETIMES I JUST GOT JOKES ALSO THE h0e LABEL REALLY DO BE HURTING MY FEELINGS I PREFER ‘sensually exploratory by disposition’ (SEBD) THAT MAKE ME FEEL A LIL BETTER BLESS BLESS 👏 UP 👏😂😂😂]
Be Like, Bless Up, and Chill: When you're a good boy on vacation and
 your owners let you up on the hotel bed
 @DrSmashlove
(Sound on 🔊) My reaction when I meet a girl at a bar and she take me back to her crib afterward and her room surprisingly actually tidy and the bed is made and there isn’t laundry everywhere 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😂 “wowwwwww smash with the FOULNESS today FIRST of all SOME LADIES WORK. A JOB. WE LEAVE QUICKLY AND CANT MAKE THE BED. WE GOTTA APPLY MAKE UP. WE GOTTA DO HAIR. WE GOTTA LOOK PRESENTABLE. U AINT GOT THAT STRESS. HALF THE MEN I WORK WITH DONT EVEN BATHE IN THE AM WITCHOE PERSNICKETY DEMANDING A$$ IF 👏 U 👏 SO 👏 DEMANDING 👏 THEN 👏 MAKE 👏 MY 👏 BED 👏 THEN 👏 LAY 👏 IN 👏 IT 👏 D!CKFACE 👏. LOOKIN A$$ 😤.” Yep. Like I said baby. Make ya bed “IT TAKE ONLY THREE MINUTE” *my haunting mama’s voice* BLESS UP 😍😂😂 [Editor’s Note: shout to u ladies who be like “WELL. I really want you to come up 😌. But my place is a mess LOL!” Me: *shannon sharpe voice* “THAT AIN NO PRAHBLEM! That ain’t no problem 😊.” Girl: “LOL OKAYYYY NO JUDGING THO! Lolol!” Me: *judges vigorously in secret* 🤗😂. Second editor’s note: “wowwwww smash is a h0e and not only that a judgmental h0e where did this come from? He was fake woke?!! Guess he’s just another worthless man now.” Me: y’all really need to chill and let me off the leash occasionally all my sisters is brilliant and they all got careers and guess what, busy women ain’t trying to impress no cot damn man sometimes u gotta do a catch-up clean on the wknd LET ME TEASE YALL SOMETIMES I AM STILL AN ALLY LMAO SOMETIMES I JUST GOT JOKES ALSO THE h0e LABEL REALLY DO BE HURTING MY FEELINGS I PREFER ‘sensually exploratory by disposition’ (SEBD) THAT MAKE ME FEEL A LIL BETTER BLESS BLESS 👏 UP 👏😂😂😂]

(Sound on 🔊) My reaction when I meet a girl at a bar and she take me back to her crib afterward and her room surprisingly actually tidy and ...

America, Be Like, and Bless Up: Kirk, a female Border Collie, watching herself win the 2017 Purina Pro Challenge. DOG PLAN p3 Ain’t I been told y’all?! BYOBC. No, not bring your own bottle - bring ya own is bottle is cancelled stop drinking so damn much and enjoy the Thai food without the liquor cot dammit that curry is delicious on its own without the merlot but lemme not start, that’s for another day lmao. BYOBC mean Be Ya Own Biggest Cheerleader. U feel me? Always. Celebrate ya own success. Motivate YOURSELF. Ultimately among friends but even among family u gon have people cheering for you buuuuuuut NOT really cheering for u 😂. This ain’t bc they evil! They might be - like some of them - but mainly they probably just a lil tight that they ain’t having success like u. U feel me? That’s why u gotta watch out sometimes about bragging about ya accomplishments all on Facebook and LinkedIn like “truly humbled to humbly be awarded the 40 Under 40 in My [Extremely Specific Field of Work] in [Oddly Specific Geographic Region]”. U really humble bc u seem hella braggadocious right now no shots lol. Just keep some of that inside and be thankful to God and celebrate with yourself not bc u the sh!t but because u know that out of all the people that God could have rewarded for they hard work he chose you. “But smash I work 10x harder than all my friends, I deserve my success!” No. U deserve nothing. It’s Filipino workmen in Dubai right now building buildings in 120 degree heat to make a lil scratch to send home. THEY work harder than u. It’s just that u was born in America and they was born in the Philippines u get me! That’s why every time I pull an all nighter for work on a transaction, I remember that but for the Grace of God, I could be in Dubai on the 98th floor of a building working myself to death. May God always make us thankful and may he reward our hard work. Be ya own cheerleader beloveds! Bless up ❤️
America, Be Like, and Bless Up: Kirk, a female Border Collie, watching
 herself win the 2017 Purina Pro
 Challenge.
 DOG
 PLAN
 p3
Ain’t I been told y’all?! BYOBC. No, not bring your own bottle - bring ya own is bottle is cancelled stop drinking so damn much and enjoy the Thai food without the liquor cot dammit that curry is delicious on its own without the merlot but lemme not start, that’s for another day lmao. BYOBC mean Be Ya Own Biggest Cheerleader. U feel me? Always. Celebrate ya own success. Motivate YOURSELF. Ultimately among friends but even among family u gon have people cheering for you buuuuuuut NOT really cheering for u 😂. This ain’t bc they evil! They might be - like some of them - but mainly they probably just a lil tight that they ain’t having success like u. U feel me? That’s why u gotta watch out sometimes about bragging about ya accomplishments all on Facebook and LinkedIn like “truly humbled to humbly be awarded the 40 Under 40 in My [Extremely Specific Field of Work] in [Oddly Specific Geographic Region]”. U really humble bc u seem hella braggadocious right now no shots lol. Just keep some of that inside and be thankful to God and celebrate with yourself not bc u the sh!t but because u know that out of all the people that God could have rewarded for they hard work he chose you. “But smash I work 10x harder than all my friends, I deserve my success!” No. U deserve nothing. It’s Filipino workmen in Dubai right now building buildings in 120 degree heat to make a lil scratch to send home. THEY work harder than u. It’s just that u was born in America and they was born in the Philippines u get me! That’s why every time I pull an all nighter for work on a transaction, I remember that but for the Grace of God, I could be in Dubai on the 98th floor of a building working myself to death. May God always make us thankful and may he reward our hard work. Be ya own cheerleader beloveds! Bless up ❤️

Ain’t I been told y’all?! BYOBC. No, not bring your own bottle - bring ya own is bottle is cancelled stop drinking so damn much and enjoy th...

5 Am, Bless Up, and Bruh: This is Bruce. He has some spots. Reddit u/ MustyCarACsmell @DrSmashlove Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there was a time in my life when “sleep in” meant 1:30 pm. One MF thirty. Like literally the day is shot. Done. No day that starts at 1:30 pm entails any type of success. Zero. That day is a total loss. A tax write off. Ain no “rise and grind 😌” at 1:30 pm more like “rise and eat a bowl of a cereal like an A$$HOLE and reflect on your insignificance in the universe” 🤗. Nah. I was texting with my lil homegirl who’s a physician and she say she woke up at 8:30 am and I’m like “oh nice you slept in!” And she did! She usually up at 5 am shoving needles into people! But then I caught myself 😧. Right then and there I caught myself Bruh. And a feeling of mild sadness came over me whilst on the stair master at 8:36 am on a Saturday. WE GROWN. I’M GROWN. 8:30 AM IS NOT SLEEPING IN. BUT IF U GROWN, 8:30 AM IS A COT DAMN VACATION. U wake up so refreshed that it feel ‘wrong’ 😂. Like ya anxiety come knocking like “AYE BRUH U MISSED A APPOINTMENT. A CONFERENCE CALL. BREAKFAST WITH A CLIENT. U MISSED EVERYTHING IT’S 8:30 COT DAMMIT WHAT A FAILURE LOL LIKE WHAT HAVE U *ACTUALLY* ACCOMPLISHED? LOOK AT EVAN SPIEGEL. DEVELOPED A APP WHERE U COULD SEND DISAPPEARING PICS OF YA T!TTIES NOW AT AGE 27 HE WORTH 4.1 BILLY WHAT CHU WORTH? EXACTLY SMASH WAY LESS THAN 4 BILLY BC U WOKE UP AT 8:30 OL SLEEP ALL DAY LOOKIN A$$ EVAN 👏 SPIEGEL 👏 AINT 👏 WAKING 👏 UP 👏 AT 👏 8:30.” (Incidentally my anxiety sound like a mother who push her kids too hard 🐸☕️. Shout to my anxiety tho. Some people got a angel on they shoulder. I got skrong anxiety clutching a chancleta above my head bout to whup my a$$ for not grinding hard enuf EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT THIS IS HOW I’M BUILT BLESS UP 😂😂😂)
5 Am, Bless Up, and Bruh: This is Bruce. He has some spots.
 Reddit u/ MustyCarACsmell
 @DrSmashlove
Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there was a time in my life when “sleep in” meant 1:30 pm. One MF thirty. Like literally the day is shot. Done. No day that starts at 1:30 pm entails any type of success. Zero. That day is a total loss. A tax write off. Ain no “rise and grind 😌” at 1:30 pm more like “rise and eat a bowl of a cereal like an A$$HOLE and reflect on your insignificance in the universe” 🤗. Nah. I was texting with my lil homegirl who’s a physician and she say she woke up at 8:30 am and I’m like “oh nice you slept in!” And she did! She usually up at 5 am shoving needles into people! But then I caught myself 😧. Right then and there I caught myself Bruh. And a feeling of mild sadness came over me whilst on the stair master at 8:36 am on a Saturday. WE GROWN. I’M GROWN. 8:30 AM IS NOT SLEEPING IN. BUT IF U GROWN, 8:30 AM IS A COT DAMN VACATION. U wake up so refreshed that it feel ‘wrong’ 😂. Like ya anxiety come knocking like “AYE BRUH U MISSED A APPOINTMENT. A CONFERENCE CALL. BREAKFAST WITH A CLIENT. U MISSED EVERYTHING IT’S 8:30 COT DAMMIT WHAT A FAILURE LOL LIKE WHAT HAVE U *ACTUALLY* ACCOMPLISHED? LOOK AT EVAN SPIEGEL. DEVELOPED A APP WHERE U COULD SEND DISAPPEARING PICS OF YA T!TTIES NOW AT AGE 27 HE WORTH 4.1 BILLY WHAT CHU WORTH? EXACTLY SMASH WAY LESS THAN 4 BILLY BC U WOKE UP AT 8:30 OL SLEEP ALL DAY LOOKIN A$$ EVAN 👏 SPIEGEL 👏 AINT 👏 WAKING 👏 UP 👏 AT 👏 8:30.” (Incidentally my anxiety sound like a mother who push her kids too hard 🐸☕️. Shout to my anxiety tho. Some people got a angel on they shoulder. I got skrong anxiety clutching a chancleta above my head bout to whup my a$$ for not grinding hard enuf EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT THIS IS HOW I’M BUILT BLESS UP 😂😂😂)

Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there...

Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high return rate @DrSmashlove Reddit ulyerawizzardarry Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂
Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high
 return rate
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit ulyerawizzardarry
Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂

Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look ...

Apparently, Bless Up, and Boobies: MORE PEANUT BUTTER! Shout to u pretty older ladies that keep the bra on when we smash bc u self conscious and afraid the young buck that u with gonna be judgy about them girls being stretch marky and hangy when that bra pop off y’all cute. Bashful. Y’all adorable. BUT LISTEN HERE COT DAMMIT IF U DONT LET THEM GIRLS COME OUT AND PLAY WE GON HAVE ISSUES I NEED THE LIGHTS ON SHINING ON EVERY MINOR DETAIL AND ‘IMPERFECTION’ (personally I call them ‘perfections’. Butt dimples? Cellulite? Stretch marks? U perfect to me, aint a cot damn thing ‘im’ about it 🤗). U 42 NOT 22 YA BOOBIES NOT SUPPOSE TO BE UPRIGHT AND FIRM STARING OFF IN SEPARATE DIRECTIONS LIKE FETTY WAP’S EYES THEY SUPPOSE TO FLOP DOWN A LIL BIT AND THAT’S PART OF THE BEAUTY OF THINE SHAPE WHY U EMBARRASSED OF SOMETHING CUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE! THAT’S WHY I DON’T BE WEARING PANTS OR BOXERS I WALK AROUND NEKKY BECAUSE I’M CUTE, BIH! MY PP HANDSOME! FVCK U THOUGHT! EVEN WHEN THE ROOM 67.5 DEGREES AND MR. PEEPATOUS (he Greek apparently - to my knowledge I aint Greek but he Greek lmao “OPA!!!”) HATH PARTLY RECEDED INTO MY BODY FOR WARMTH AND COMFORT AW HELL NAH! HE STILL HANDSOME! LET THEM GIRLS OUT, WOMAN! SENDING SELFIES ON THE BED LAYING FLAT ARMS UP APPLYING EIGHT FILTERS CONTORTING YA ENTIRE COT DAMN EXISTENCE TO GET THEM GIRLS LOOKING YOUNG AND PERKY I AINT ASK FOR THAT! LEMME SEE *YOU* COT DAMMIT! LIKE CREEPY HOMEBOY MR HOT SPOT BE SAYING: “YEAH! I *LIKE* **THAT**!!” YA GET ME! BLESS UP 😍❤️😂😂😂 (Pic: Reddit u-tfro9)
Apparently, Bless Up, and Boobies: MORE PEANUT BUTTER!
Shout to u pretty older ladies that keep the bra on when we smash bc u self conscious and afraid the young buck that u with gonna be judgy about them girls being stretch marky and hangy when that bra pop off y’all cute. Bashful. Y’all adorable. BUT LISTEN HERE COT DAMMIT IF U DONT LET THEM GIRLS COME OUT AND PLAY WE GON HAVE ISSUES I NEED THE LIGHTS ON SHINING ON EVERY MINOR DETAIL AND ‘IMPERFECTION’ (personally I call them ‘perfections’. Butt dimples? Cellulite? Stretch marks? U perfect to me, aint a cot damn thing ‘im’ about it 🤗). U 42 NOT 22 YA BOOBIES NOT SUPPOSE TO BE UPRIGHT AND FIRM STARING OFF IN SEPARATE DIRECTIONS LIKE FETTY WAP’S EYES THEY SUPPOSE TO FLOP DOWN A LIL BIT AND THAT’S PART OF THE BEAUTY OF THINE SHAPE WHY U EMBARRASSED OF SOMETHING CUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE! THAT’S WHY I DON’T BE WEARING PANTS OR BOXERS I WALK AROUND NEKKY BECAUSE I’M CUTE, BIH! MY PP HANDSOME! FVCK U THOUGHT! EVEN WHEN THE ROOM 67.5 DEGREES AND MR. PEEPATOUS (he Greek apparently - to my knowledge I aint Greek but he Greek lmao “OPA!!!”) HATH PARTLY RECEDED INTO MY BODY FOR WARMTH AND COMFORT AW HELL NAH! HE STILL HANDSOME! LET THEM GIRLS OUT, WOMAN! SENDING SELFIES ON THE BED LAYING FLAT ARMS UP APPLYING EIGHT FILTERS CONTORTING YA ENTIRE COT DAMN EXISTENCE TO GET THEM GIRLS LOOKING YOUNG AND PERKY I AINT ASK FOR THAT! LEMME SEE *YOU* COT DAMMIT! LIKE CREEPY HOMEBOY MR HOT SPOT BE SAYING: “YEAH! I *LIKE* **THAT**!!” YA GET ME! BLESS UP 😍❤️😂😂😂 (Pic: Reddit u-tfro9)

Shout to u pretty older ladies that keep the bra on when we smash bc u self conscious and afraid the young buck that u with gonna be judgy a...

Christmas, Cookies, and Family: A couple of months ago, when I told General Krulak, the former Commandant of the MarineCorps, now the chair of the NavalAcademy Board of Visitors, that we were having General JamesMattis speak this evening, he said, “Let me tell you a Jim Mattis story.” Gen. Krulak said, when he was Commandant of the Marine Corps, every year, starting about a week before Christmas, he and his wife would bake hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of Christmas cookies. They would package them in small bundles. Then on Christmas day, he would load his vehicle. At about 4 a.m., Gen. Krulak would drive himself to every Marine guard post in the Washington-Annapolis-Baltimore area and deliver a small package of Christmas cookies to whatever Marines were pulling guard duty that day. He said that one year, he had gone down to Quantico as one of his stops to deliver Christmas cookies to the Marines on guard duty. He went to the command center and gave a package to the lance corporal who was on duty. He asked, “Who’s the officer of the day?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it’s Brigadier General Mattis.” And General Krulak said, “No, no, no. I know who Gen. Mattis is. I mean, who’s the officer of the day today, Christmas day?” The lance corporal, feeling a little anxious, said, “Sir, it is Brigadier General Mattis.” General Krulak said that, about that time, he spotted in the back room a cot, or a daybed. He said, “No, Lance Corporal. Who slept in that bed last night?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it was Brigadier General Mattis.” About that time, General Krulak said that General Mattis came in, in a duty uniform with a sword, and General Krulak said, “Jim, what are you doing here on Christmas day? Why do you have duty?” General Mattis told him that the young officer who was scheduled to have duty on Christmas day had a family, and General Mattis decided it was better for the young officer to spend Christmas Day with his family, and so he chose to have duty on Christmas Day. General Krulak said, “That’s the kind of officer that Jim Mattis is.” (The story above was told by Dr. Albert C. Pierce, the Director of the Center for the Study of Pro. Military Ethics @ Naval Academy
Christmas, Cookies, and Family: A couple of months ago, when I told General Krulak, the former Commandant of the MarineCorps, now the chair of the NavalAcademy Board of Visitors, that we were having General JamesMattis speak this evening, he said, “Let me tell you a Jim Mattis story.” Gen. Krulak said, when he was Commandant of the Marine Corps, every year, starting about a week before Christmas, he and his wife would bake hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of Christmas cookies. They would package them in small bundles. Then on Christmas day, he would load his vehicle. At about 4 a.m., Gen. Krulak would drive himself to every Marine guard post in the Washington-Annapolis-Baltimore area and deliver a small package of Christmas cookies to whatever Marines were pulling guard duty that day. He said that one year, he had gone down to Quantico as one of his stops to deliver Christmas cookies to the Marines on guard duty. He went to the command center and gave a package to the lance corporal who was on duty. He asked, “Who’s the officer of the day?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it’s Brigadier General Mattis.” And General Krulak said, “No, no, no. I know who Gen. Mattis is. I mean, who’s the officer of the day today, Christmas day?” The lance corporal, feeling a little anxious, said, “Sir, it is Brigadier General Mattis.” General Krulak said that, about that time, he spotted in the back room a cot, or a daybed. He said, “No, Lance Corporal. Who slept in that bed last night?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it was Brigadier General Mattis.” About that time, General Krulak said that General Mattis came in, in a duty uniform with a sword, and General Krulak said, “Jim, what are you doing here on Christmas day? Why do you have duty?” General Mattis told him that the young officer who was scheduled to have duty on Christmas day had a family, and General Mattis decided it was better for the young officer to spend Christmas Day with his family, and so he chose to have duty on Christmas Day. General Krulak said, “That’s the kind of officer that Jim Mattis is.” (The story above was told by Dr. Albert C. Pierce, the Director of the Center for the Study of Pro. Military Ethics @ Naval Academy

A couple of months ago, when I told General Krulak, the former Commandant of the MarineCorps, now the chair of the NavalAcademy Board of Vis...

Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it Gabby knows where all the heating vents are @DrSmashlove So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it
 Gabby knows where all the heating vents are
 @DrSmashlove
So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about ...

Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster. Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw @DrSmashlove So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂
Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster.
 Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw
 @DrSmashlove
So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂

So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mo...

Bless Up, Crime, and Drunk: My friend just adopted this strange brown hippopotamus. Pic: reddit u/Herodias @DrSmashlove PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The third is the urethra. If ya girl on top - riding a lil too wild goin ham and bananas on the dih and she super duper waterfall shtatus just making a puddle under u cot damn jumping up and down to hit that super deep shtroke to where yo PP feel like it bout to pop out - she could actually land wrong and u could sustain a fracture - u hear a loud popping or cracking which mean the tissue that surround ya two big tubes can’t withstand the pressure. Down go ya PP. Bruising. Indescribable pain. Blood when u pee. U gotta go straight to the ER and have surgery and even then, u might never do a full flag salute again. That don’t seem very pleasant, do it bruv. To just get yo PP broke. Well how the FVCK u think a woman feel when u putting in work from behind, invade the wrong entry point, and break her b00tyhole 😩. Men who find themselves ‘accidentally’ in the back door are engaging in gross negligence or recklessness - which is a crime. If u drunk and drive, u may not be intending to hit a kid on a bicycle, but if u do, u knew it was possible, and so u liable. That’s at BEST. At worst, y’all in rape territory (let’s call it what it is.) Sadly, I’ve met a LOT of women who will never even try the Backdoor Boogie because of an ‘accidental’ invasion so congrats to all u men who do this - your aggression - wanton stupidity has ruined a pretty awesome act for a whole segment of the female population. The bottom line is that this is inexcusable - either u careless to the point of being reckless, or u a predator. And whether u know it or not bruv u on borrowed time. A lot of ladies like it rough. This isn’t ‘being rough’. It’s not consensual. It’s barely a grey area. It’s actually mostly black and white. Your last partner might have let it slide (no pun intended 😖) but your next one might fvck ya life up - and she got every right to. I am the last one who should be lecturing anybody because I do a lot of sh!t I’m ashamed of so let’s just take this as a collective reminder...Men: let’s do better. ME TOO. Aight? Bless up 🙌
Bless Up, Crime, and Drunk: My friend just adopted this strange brown
 hippopotamus.
 Pic: reddit u/Herodias
 @DrSmashlove
PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The third is the urethra. If ya girl on top - riding a lil too wild goin ham and bananas on the dih and she super duper waterfall shtatus just making a puddle under u cot damn jumping up and down to hit that super deep shtroke to where yo PP feel like it bout to pop out - she could actually land wrong and u could sustain a fracture - u hear a loud popping or cracking which mean the tissue that surround ya two big tubes can’t withstand the pressure. Down go ya PP. Bruising. Indescribable pain. Blood when u pee. U gotta go straight to the ER and have surgery and even then, u might never do a full flag salute again. That don’t seem very pleasant, do it bruv. To just get yo PP broke. Well how the FVCK u think a woman feel when u putting in work from behind, invade the wrong entry point, and break her b00tyhole 😩. Men who find themselves ‘accidentally’ in the back door are engaging in gross negligence or recklessness - which is a crime. If u drunk and drive, u may not be intending to hit a kid on a bicycle, but if u do, u knew it was possible, and so u liable. That’s at BEST. At worst, y’all in rape territory (let’s call it what it is.) Sadly, I’ve met a LOT of women who will never even try the Backdoor Boogie because of an ‘accidental’ invasion so congrats to all u men who do this - your aggression - wanton stupidity has ruined a pretty awesome act for a whole segment of the female population. The bottom line is that this is inexcusable - either u careless to the point of being reckless, or u a predator. And whether u know it or not bruv u on borrowed time. A lot of ladies like it rough. This isn’t ‘being rough’. It’s not consensual. It’s barely a grey area. It’s actually mostly black and white. Your last partner might have let it slide (no pun intended 😖) but your next one might fvck ya life up - and she got every right to. I am the last one who should be lecturing anybody because I do a lot of sh!t I’m ashamed of so let’s just take this as a collective reminder...Men: let’s do better. ME TOO. Aight? Bless up 🙌

PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The thi...

Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it She's only been here five days but she's completely melted my heart @DrSmashlove I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂
Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww
 u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it
 She's only been here five days but she's
 completely melted my heart
 @DrSmashlove
I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂

I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me:...

Animals, Basketball, and Ex's: My boy Ferris turned 3 today. He still thinks he's as small as when he was a puppy Pic: reddit u/ZarZarBinks22 @DrSmashlove So the discussion about stealing-appropriating clothing from exes has begotten untold amount of humor and, as always, Smash is here for the fvckery - all of it 🤗😂: (1) Yesterday, one of my followers commented: “Right now on my teenage daughter's bed is a large teddy bear her old boyfriend gave her and it's wearing a fleece hoodie that her new boyfriend gave her. This poor bear didn't ask for this $h!t!!🤣” WHEN BOTH YO MAMA AND YO STUFFED ANIMALS ARE JUDGING U BABY GIRL U NEED TO HIT THAT PAUSE BUTTON ON YO LIFE AND GET RIGHT WITH GOD, I CAN’T 😂. (2) Sometimes I get messages from my lil homegirls that I have have to simply repost with no explanation because the legend speaks for itself (herself? Lol): “To be honest I keep an old ex's basketball shorts at my place and lie and say they're mine...my overnight guests just want to believe they are the first homie to ever touch my precious flower so they believe it naively and wear them to sleep. I do wash them but still: LIT'RAL PECKER KISS.” Ladies...FOR EFF’S SAKE 😂...Y’all heard of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...Well if u sleep with my homegirl u are inducted to the Brotherhood of the Jizzy Nike Shorts 😩 ... Baptized in Babies ... Submerged in the Swimmers ... of all men who came before you ... literally ‘came’ before u 😢🔫 ... I’m done bruv u ladies got savage in yo cot damn blood...this ain’t chu...who made u like dis... maybe u ladies are just doing u and *I’M* the one who need to meditate and talk to God ... in fact imma do that right quick y’all be safe 😩😂😂😂
Animals, Basketball, and Ex's: My boy Ferris turned 3 today. He still
 thinks he's as small as when he was a
 puppy
 Pic: reddit u/ZarZarBinks22
 @DrSmashlove
So the discussion about stealing-appropriating clothing from exes has begotten untold amount of humor and, as always, Smash is here for the fvckery - all of it 🤗😂: (1) Yesterday, one of my followers commented: “Right now on my teenage daughter's bed is a large teddy bear her old boyfriend gave her and it's wearing a fleece hoodie that her new boyfriend gave her. This poor bear didn't ask for this $h!t!!🤣” WHEN BOTH YO MAMA AND YO STUFFED ANIMALS ARE JUDGING U BABY GIRL U NEED TO HIT THAT PAUSE BUTTON ON YO LIFE AND GET RIGHT WITH GOD, I CAN’T 😂. (2) Sometimes I get messages from my lil homegirls that I have have to simply repost with no explanation because the legend speaks for itself (herself? Lol): “To be honest I keep an old ex's basketball shorts at my place and lie and say they're mine...my overnight guests just want to believe they are the first homie to ever touch my precious flower so they believe it naively and wear them to sleep. I do wash them but still: LIT'RAL PECKER KISS.” Ladies...FOR EFF’S SAKE 😂...Y’all heard of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...Well if u sleep with my homegirl u are inducted to the Brotherhood of the Jizzy Nike Shorts 😩 ... Baptized in Babies ... Submerged in the Swimmers ... of all men who came before you ... literally ‘came’ before u 😢🔫 ... I’m done bruv u ladies got savage in yo cot damn blood...this ain’t chu...who made u like dis... maybe u ladies are just doing u and *I’M* the one who need to meditate and talk to God ... in fact imma do that right quick y’all be safe 😩😂😂😂

So the discussion about stealing-appropriating clothing from exes has begotten untold amount of humor and, as always, Smash is here for the ...

Ass, Be Like, and Grandma: I volunteer at a shelter. Today a 7 year resident, Skip, was adopted. He's pretty happy about it Pic: Reddit u/boobsnbabies @DrSmashlove I’ve heard recent reports from three of my lil homegirls that a man they are dealing with romantically has texted her asking her to send a UBER to pick him up and bring her to his crib. Lemme do a lil historical recap. Our forefathers would remove they jacket and lay it upon a puddle so that they girl would not have to wet her feet bruv. He would give a woman his jacket when she was cold. Hold doors open. Leave little love notes hidden around her spot. Come meet her parents, and he cut his hair and shine his shoes and pick up flowers for her mama beforehand. U feel me? Chivalry. Chivalrous ass Prince Charmings, bruv. Fast forward to 2017: “send me an UBER if u want 2 c daddy”. Send a UBER to pick up daddy, bruv? U the daddy but u need financial assistance to transport to her crib? U might have been daddy at one time but even if the pipe game super on point if she sending UBER’s u da baby and she da mommy now. Look up “man” in Webster Thesaurus and the antonyms be like “boy; lad; he who requesteth transport in an UBER vehicle from a woman with whomst he hath engaged in romantic relations” - this is Webster bruv the Man smart! He predicted this shit! 😂 Anyway bruv I ain’t even mad. Not even remotely mad. Instead: thankful. Y’all making all the men who display even a modicum of chivalry look like cot damn Romeos out dis bish. We love y’all. Y’all special. Y’all loyal. Y’all gon find a woman who gon take care of u and be the mommy u need. Y’all gotta be good to her tho! She might cut off yo allowance. Take away yo iPad so u can’t watch Jake Paul YouTube videos no more. U in line with her at Panera like “I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGEL!!” And she like “BAD BOYS DON’T GET CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGELS TIMMY.” And u just like “I AT LEAST WANT A GOGURT! GOGURT MOMMY GOGURT!” And she gotta take u back to the minivan and spank u. Yo great grandpa took yo great grandma to the sock hop and the drive in movies, treating her to burgers and shakes, now u being disciplined by yo woman like a disobedient child Bruv. My how things change. All because U asked for a UBER. Y’all be safe out there! 😂😂😂
Ass, Be Like, and Grandma: I volunteer at a shelter. Today a 7 year
 resident, Skip, was adopted. He's pretty
 happy about it
 Pic: Reddit u/boobsnbabies
 @DrSmashlove
I’ve heard recent reports from three of my lil homegirls that a man they are dealing with romantically has texted her asking her to send a UBER to pick him up and bring her to his crib. Lemme do a lil historical recap. Our forefathers would remove they jacket and lay it upon a puddle so that they girl would not have to wet her feet bruv. He would give a woman his jacket when she was cold. Hold doors open. Leave little love notes hidden around her spot. Come meet her parents, and he cut his hair and shine his shoes and pick up flowers for her mama beforehand. U feel me? Chivalry. Chivalrous ass Prince Charmings, bruv. Fast forward to 2017: “send me an UBER if u want 2 c daddy”. Send a UBER to pick up daddy, bruv? U the daddy but u need financial assistance to transport to her crib? U might have been daddy at one time but even if the pipe game super on point if she sending UBER’s u da baby and she da mommy now. Look up “man” in Webster Thesaurus and the antonyms be like “boy; lad; he who requesteth transport in an UBER vehicle from a woman with whomst he hath engaged in romantic relations” - this is Webster bruv the Man smart! He predicted this shit! 😂 Anyway bruv I ain’t even mad. Not even remotely mad. Instead: thankful. Y’all making all the men who display even a modicum of chivalry look like cot damn Romeos out dis bish. We love y’all. Y’all special. Y’all loyal. Y’all gon find a woman who gon take care of u and be the mommy u need. Y’all gotta be good to her tho! She might cut off yo allowance. Take away yo iPad so u can’t watch Jake Paul YouTube videos no more. U in line with her at Panera like “I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGEL!!” And she like “BAD BOYS DON’T GET CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGELS TIMMY.” And u just like “I AT LEAST WANT A GOGURT! GOGURT MOMMY GOGURT!” And she gotta take u back to the minivan and spank u. Yo great grandpa took yo great grandma to the sock hop and the drive in movies, treating her to burgers and shakes, now u being disciplined by yo woman like a disobedient child Bruv. My how things change. All because U asked for a UBER. Y’all be safe out there! 😂😂😂

I’ve heard recent reports from three of my lil homegirls that a man they are dealing with romantically has texted her asking her to send a U...