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5 Am, Bless Up, and Bruh: This is Bruce. He has some spots. Reddit u/ MustyCarACsmell @DrSmashlove Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there was a time in my life when “sleep in” meant 1:30 pm. One MF thirty. Like literally the day is shot. Done. No day that starts at 1:30 pm entails any type of success. Zero. That day is a total loss. A tax write off. Ain no “rise and grind 😌” at 1:30 pm more like “rise and eat a bowl of a cereal like an A$$HOLE and reflect on your insignificance in the universe” 🤗. Nah. I was texting with my lil homegirl who’s a physician and she say she woke up at 8:30 am and I’m like “oh nice you slept in!” And she did! She usually up at 5 am shoving needles into people! But then I caught myself 😧. Right then and there I caught myself Bruh. And a feeling of mild sadness came over me whilst on the stair master at 8:36 am on a Saturday. WE GROWN. I’M GROWN. 8:30 AM IS NOT SLEEPING IN. BUT IF U GROWN, 8:30 AM IS A COT DAMN VACATION. U wake up so refreshed that it feel ‘wrong’ 😂. Like ya anxiety come knocking like “AYE BRUH U MISSED A APPOINTMENT. A CONFERENCE CALL. BREAKFAST WITH A CLIENT. U MISSED EVERYTHING IT’S 8:30 COT DAMMIT WHAT A FAILURE LOL LIKE WHAT HAVE U *ACTUALLY* ACCOMPLISHED? LOOK AT EVAN SPIEGEL. DEVELOPED A APP WHERE U COULD SEND DISAPPEARING PICS OF YA T!TTIES NOW AT AGE 27 HE WORTH 4.1 BILLY WHAT CHU WORTH? EXACTLY SMASH WAY LESS THAN 4 BILLY BC U WOKE UP AT 8:30 OL SLEEP ALL DAY LOOKIN A$$ EVAN 👏 SPIEGEL 👏 AINT 👏 WAKING 👏 UP 👏 AT 👏 8:30.” (Incidentally my anxiety sound like a mother who push her kids too hard 🐸☕️. Shout to my anxiety tho. Some people got a angel on they shoulder. I got skrong anxiety clutching a chancleta above my head bout to whup my a$$ for not grinding hard enuf EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT THIS IS HOW I’M BUILT BLESS UP 😂😂😂)
5 Am, Bless Up, and Bruh: This is Bruce. He has some spots.
 Reddit u/ MustyCarACsmell
 @DrSmashlove
Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there was a time in my life when “sleep in” meant 1:30 pm. One MF thirty. Like literally the day is shot. Done. No day that starts at 1:30 pm entails any type of success. Zero. That day is a total loss. A tax write off. Ain no “rise and grind 😌” at 1:30 pm more like “rise and eat a bowl of a cereal like an A$$HOLE and reflect on your insignificance in the universe” 🤗. Nah. I was texting with my lil homegirl who’s a physician and she say she woke up at 8:30 am and I’m like “oh nice you slept in!” And she did! She usually up at 5 am shoving needles into people! But then I caught myself 😧. Right then and there I caught myself Bruh. And a feeling of mild sadness came over me whilst on the stair master at 8:36 am on a Saturday. WE GROWN. I’M GROWN. 8:30 AM IS NOT SLEEPING IN. BUT IF U GROWN, 8:30 AM IS A COT DAMN VACATION. U wake up so refreshed that it feel ‘wrong’ 😂. Like ya anxiety come knocking like “AYE BRUH U MISSED A APPOINTMENT. A CONFERENCE CALL. BREAKFAST WITH A CLIENT. U MISSED EVERYTHING IT’S 8:30 COT DAMMIT WHAT A FAILURE LOL LIKE WHAT HAVE U *ACTUALLY* ACCOMPLISHED? LOOK AT EVAN SPIEGEL. DEVELOPED A APP WHERE U COULD SEND DISAPPEARING PICS OF YA T!TTIES NOW AT AGE 27 HE WORTH 4.1 BILLY WHAT CHU WORTH? EXACTLY SMASH WAY LESS THAN 4 BILLY BC U WOKE UP AT 8:30 OL SLEEP ALL DAY LOOKIN A$$ EVAN 👏 SPIEGEL 👏 AINT 👏 WAKING 👏 UP 👏 AT 👏 8:30.” (Incidentally my anxiety sound like a mother who push her kids too hard 🐸☕️. Shout to my anxiety tho. Some people got a angel on they shoulder. I got skrong anxiety clutching a chancleta above my head bout to whup my a$$ for not grinding hard enuf EVERYBODY’S DIFFERENT THIS IS HOW I’M BUILT BLESS UP 😂😂😂)

Say Bruh u wanna know when u grown? Like the exact moment that u a grown up? When u “sleep in” but it’s still early 😂. U feel me? Like there...

Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high return rate @DrSmashlove Reddit ulyerawizzardarry Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂
Bad, Bless Up, and Bodies : Invest in tennis balls, they have a high
 return rate
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit ulyerawizzardarry
Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look him in the eye while he working, he dutiful. It ain’t gotta be a staring contest just that lil belly crunchie where u lean up for a sec with that drooly grin 🤤 before laying back down and clutching ya own bresstassiss again lol. The look in the eye say “I am validating your efforts, which are appreciated. Go Head with that whirlwind devil tung boy who raised u? Is u half Man half reptile with that tornado tung? U tryina eff around and make me fall in love? YOU 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏 ME 👏 TO 👏 FALL 👏 IN 👏LOVE 👏THAT’S 👏WHEN 👏 THE 👏 CRAZY 👏 COME 👏 OUT 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 GOOD 👏 CRAZY 👏 BUT 👏 THE 👏 BAD CRAZY. 👏BOI...imma have to ohhhghhhhhh ggggahhhhhh” *digs manicure nails into scalp* “I ahhhhhhh yesyesyesyesyes DON’T STOP FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😩” — You feel me? That interaction is clutch. I be seeing some of u criminals tho bruv 😂 - I start going down under and y’all wanna close ya eyes and play out a whole separate movie in ya head. How do I know what movie dat is? Maybe it’s me on a snowy mountain top wearing only a fur loin cloth riding a unicorn with my hair blowing in the arctic wind (I don’t have long hair and anyway my hair don’t blow but bear with me lmao) or maybe it’s another movie entirely that I ain’t even in!? “Well smash now I KNOW you don’t know as much as women as you purport to...some women can’t bust unless they close their eyes and go to a happy place STOP 🛑 TRYING 🛑 TO 🛑 CONTROL 🛑 OUR 🛑 BODIES.” Whoa derr ma. Now u doing too much. U free to go to a happy place, just give a brother a glance! U feel me? A small token of your appreciation. Inside every man is a little part of him that’s a hurt lil boy who need reinforcement. If u think u with some super macho lookin a$$ boy who ain’t got this lil part of him that just mean he good at hiding it but he likely got the ultimate mommy-daddy issues that ain’t came out yet jus wait on it 😂. For the rest of u, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE - to be a good plant manager u gotta be appreciative of the pipe layer so he keep doing a good job BLESS UP 🤗😍😂

Ladies cot dammit if ya man take a dive down under and hit ya Nani with that impeccable TungWerk ®️ make a lil eye contact. U feel me? Look ...

Apparently, Bless Up, and Boobies: MORE PEANUT BUTTER! Shout to u pretty older ladies that keep the bra on when we smash bc u self conscious and afraid the young buck that u with gonna be judgy about them girls being stretch marky and hangy when that bra pop off y’all cute. Bashful. Y’all adorable. BUT LISTEN HERE COT DAMMIT IF U DONT LET THEM GIRLS COME OUT AND PLAY WE GON HAVE ISSUES I NEED THE LIGHTS ON SHINING ON EVERY MINOR DETAIL AND ‘IMPERFECTION’ (personally I call them ‘perfections’. Butt dimples? Cellulite? Stretch marks? U perfect to me, aint a cot damn thing ‘im’ about it 🤗). U 42 NOT 22 YA BOOBIES NOT SUPPOSE TO BE UPRIGHT AND FIRM STARING OFF IN SEPARATE DIRECTIONS LIKE FETTY WAP’S EYES THEY SUPPOSE TO FLOP DOWN A LIL BIT AND THAT’S PART OF THE BEAUTY OF THINE SHAPE WHY U EMBARRASSED OF SOMETHING CUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE! THAT’S WHY I DON’T BE WEARING PANTS OR BOXERS I WALK AROUND NEKKY BECAUSE I’M CUTE, BIH! MY PP HANDSOME! FVCK U THOUGHT! EVEN WHEN THE ROOM 67.5 DEGREES AND MR. PEEPATOUS (he Greek apparently - to my knowledge I aint Greek but he Greek lmao “OPA!!!”) HATH PARTLY RECEDED INTO MY BODY FOR WARMTH AND COMFORT AW HELL NAH! HE STILL HANDSOME! LET THEM GIRLS OUT, WOMAN! SENDING SELFIES ON THE BED LAYING FLAT ARMS UP APPLYING EIGHT FILTERS CONTORTING YA ENTIRE COT DAMN EXISTENCE TO GET THEM GIRLS LOOKING YOUNG AND PERKY I AINT ASK FOR THAT! LEMME SEE *YOU* COT DAMMIT! LIKE CREEPY HOMEBOY MR HOT SPOT BE SAYING: “YEAH! I *LIKE* **THAT**!!” YA GET ME! BLESS UP 😍❤️😂😂😂 (Pic: Reddit u-tfro9)
Apparently, Bless Up, and Boobies: MORE PEANUT BUTTER!
Shout to u pretty older ladies that keep the bra on when we smash bc u self conscious and afraid the young buck that u with gonna be judgy about them girls being stretch marky and hangy when that bra pop off y’all cute. Bashful. Y’all adorable. BUT LISTEN HERE COT DAMMIT IF U DONT LET THEM GIRLS COME OUT AND PLAY WE GON HAVE ISSUES I NEED THE LIGHTS ON SHINING ON EVERY MINOR DETAIL AND ‘IMPERFECTION’ (personally I call them ‘perfections’. Butt dimples? Cellulite? Stretch marks? U perfect to me, aint a cot damn thing ‘im’ about it 🤗). U 42 NOT 22 YA BOOBIES NOT SUPPOSE TO BE UPRIGHT AND FIRM STARING OFF IN SEPARATE DIRECTIONS LIKE FETTY WAP’S EYES THEY SUPPOSE TO FLOP DOWN A LIL BIT AND THAT’S PART OF THE BEAUTY OF THINE SHAPE WHY U EMBARRASSED OF SOMETHING CUTE IN THE FIRST PLACE! THAT’S WHY I DON’T BE WEARING PANTS OR BOXERS I WALK AROUND NEKKY BECAUSE I’M CUTE, BIH! MY PP HANDSOME! FVCK U THOUGHT! EVEN WHEN THE ROOM 67.5 DEGREES AND MR. PEEPATOUS (he Greek apparently - to my knowledge I aint Greek but he Greek lmao “OPA!!!”) HATH PARTLY RECEDED INTO MY BODY FOR WARMTH AND COMFORT AW HELL NAH! HE STILL HANDSOME! LET THEM GIRLS OUT, WOMAN! SENDING SELFIES ON THE BED LAYING FLAT ARMS UP APPLYING EIGHT FILTERS CONTORTING YA ENTIRE COT DAMN EXISTENCE TO GET THEM GIRLS LOOKING YOUNG AND PERKY I AINT ASK FOR THAT! LEMME SEE *YOU* COT DAMMIT! LIKE CREEPY HOMEBOY MR HOT SPOT BE SAYING: “YEAH! I *LIKE* **THAT**!!” YA GET ME! BLESS UP 😍❤️😂😂😂 (Pic: Reddit u-tfro9)

Shout to u pretty older ladies that keep the bra on when we smash bc u self conscious and afraid the young buck that u with gonna be judgy a...

Christmas, Cookies, and Family: A couple of months ago, when I told General Krulak, the former Commandant of the MarineCorps, now the chair of the NavalAcademy Board of Visitors, that we were having General JamesMattis speak this evening, he said, “Let me tell you a Jim Mattis story.” Gen. Krulak said, when he was Commandant of the Marine Corps, every year, starting about a week before Christmas, he and his wife would bake hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of Christmas cookies. They would package them in small bundles. Then on Christmas day, he would load his vehicle. At about 4 a.m., Gen. Krulak would drive himself to every Marine guard post in the Washington-Annapolis-Baltimore area and deliver a small package of Christmas cookies to whatever Marines were pulling guard duty that day. He said that one year, he had gone down to Quantico as one of his stops to deliver Christmas cookies to the Marines on guard duty. He went to the command center and gave a package to the lance corporal who was on duty. He asked, “Who’s the officer of the day?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it’s Brigadier General Mattis.” And General Krulak said, “No, no, no. I know who Gen. Mattis is. I mean, who’s the officer of the day today, Christmas day?” The lance corporal, feeling a little anxious, said, “Sir, it is Brigadier General Mattis.” General Krulak said that, about that time, he spotted in the back room a cot, or a daybed. He said, “No, Lance Corporal. Who slept in that bed last night?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it was Brigadier General Mattis.” About that time, General Krulak said that General Mattis came in, in a duty uniform with a sword, and General Krulak said, “Jim, what are you doing here on Christmas day? Why do you have duty?” General Mattis told him that the young officer who was scheduled to have duty on Christmas day had a family, and General Mattis decided it was better for the young officer to spend Christmas Day with his family, and so he chose to have duty on Christmas Day. General Krulak said, “That’s the kind of officer that Jim Mattis is.” (The story above was told by Dr. Albert C. Pierce, the Director of the Center for the Study of Pro. Military Ethics @ Naval Academy
Christmas, Cookies, and Family: A couple of months ago, when I told General Krulak, the former Commandant of the MarineCorps, now the chair of the NavalAcademy Board of Visitors, that we were having General JamesMattis speak this evening, he said, “Let me tell you a Jim Mattis story.” Gen. Krulak said, when he was Commandant of the Marine Corps, every year, starting about a week before Christmas, he and his wife would bake hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of Christmas cookies. They would package them in small bundles. Then on Christmas day, he would load his vehicle. At about 4 a.m., Gen. Krulak would drive himself to every Marine guard post in the Washington-Annapolis-Baltimore area and deliver a small package of Christmas cookies to whatever Marines were pulling guard duty that day. He said that one year, he had gone down to Quantico as one of his stops to deliver Christmas cookies to the Marines on guard duty. He went to the command center and gave a package to the lance corporal who was on duty. He asked, “Who’s the officer of the day?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it’s Brigadier General Mattis.” And General Krulak said, “No, no, no. I know who Gen. Mattis is. I mean, who’s the officer of the day today, Christmas day?” The lance corporal, feeling a little anxious, said, “Sir, it is Brigadier General Mattis.” General Krulak said that, about that time, he spotted in the back room a cot, or a daybed. He said, “No, Lance Corporal. Who slept in that bed last night?” The lance corporal said, “Sir, it was Brigadier General Mattis.” About that time, General Krulak said that General Mattis came in, in a duty uniform with a sword, and General Krulak said, “Jim, what are you doing here on Christmas day? Why do you have duty?” General Mattis told him that the young officer who was scheduled to have duty on Christmas day had a family, and General Mattis decided it was better for the young officer to spend Christmas Day with his family, and so he chose to have duty on Christmas Day. General Krulak said, “That’s the kind of officer that Jim Mattis is.” (The story above was told by Dr. Albert C. Pierce, the Director of the Center for the Study of Pro. Military Ethics @ Naval Academy

A couple of months ago, when I told General Krulak, the former Commandant of the MarineCorps, now the chair of the NavalAcademy Board of Vis...

Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it Gabby knows where all the heating vents are @DrSmashlove So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it
 Gabby knows where all the heating vents are
 @DrSmashlove
So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about ...

Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster. Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw @DrSmashlove So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂
Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster.
 Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw
 @DrSmashlove
So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂

So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mo...

Bless Up, Crime, and Drunk: My friend just adopted this strange brown hippopotamus. Pic: reddit u/Herodias @DrSmashlove PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The third is the urethra. If ya girl on top - riding a lil too wild goin ham and bananas on the dih and she super duper waterfall shtatus just making a puddle under u cot damn jumping up and down to hit that super deep shtroke to where yo PP feel like it bout to pop out - she could actually land wrong and u could sustain a fracture - u hear a loud popping or cracking which mean the tissue that surround ya two big tubes can’t withstand the pressure. Down go ya PP. Bruising. Indescribable pain. Blood when u pee. U gotta go straight to the ER and have surgery and even then, u might never do a full flag salute again. That don’t seem very pleasant, do it bruv. To just get yo PP broke. Well how the FVCK u think a woman feel when u putting in work from behind, invade the wrong entry point, and break her b00tyhole 😩. Men who find themselves ‘accidentally’ in the back door are engaging in gross negligence or recklessness - which is a crime. If u drunk and drive, u may not be intending to hit a kid on a bicycle, but if u do, u knew it was possible, and so u liable. That’s at BEST. At worst, y’all in rape territory (let’s call it what it is.) Sadly, I’ve met a LOT of women who will never even try the Backdoor Boogie because of an ‘accidental’ invasion so congrats to all u men who do this - your aggression - wanton stupidity has ruined a pretty awesome act for a whole segment of the female population. The bottom line is that this is inexcusable - either u careless to the point of being reckless, or u a predator. And whether u know it or not bruv u on borrowed time. A lot of ladies like it rough. This isn’t ‘being rough’. It’s not consensual. It’s barely a grey area. It’s actually mostly black and white. Your last partner might have let it slide (no pun intended 😖) but your next one might fvck ya life up - and she got every right to. I am the last one who should be lecturing anybody because I do a lot of sh!t I’m ashamed of so let’s just take this as a collective reminder...Men: let’s do better. ME TOO. Aight? Bless up 🙌
Bless Up, Crime, and Drunk: My friend just adopted this strange brown
 hippopotamus.
 Pic: reddit u/Herodias
 @DrSmashlove
PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The third is the urethra. If ya girl on top - riding a lil too wild goin ham and bananas on the dih and she super duper waterfall shtatus just making a puddle under u cot damn jumping up and down to hit that super deep shtroke to where yo PP feel like it bout to pop out - she could actually land wrong and u could sustain a fracture - u hear a loud popping or cracking which mean the tissue that surround ya two big tubes can’t withstand the pressure. Down go ya PP. Bruising. Indescribable pain. Blood when u pee. U gotta go straight to the ER and have surgery and even then, u might never do a full flag salute again. That don’t seem very pleasant, do it bruv. To just get yo PP broke. Well how the FVCK u think a woman feel when u putting in work from behind, invade the wrong entry point, and break her b00tyhole 😩. Men who find themselves ‘accidentally’ in the back door are engaging in gross negligence or recklessness - which is a crime. If u drunk and drive, u may not be intending to hit a kid on a bicycle, but if u do, u knew it was possible, and so u liable. That’s at BEST. At worst, y’all in rape territory (let’s call it what it is.) Sadly, I’ve met a LOT of women who will never even try the Backdoor Boogie because of an ‘accidental’ invasion so congrats to all u men who do this - your aggression - wanton stupidity has ruined a pretty awesome act for a whole segment of the female population. The bottom line is that this is inexcusable - either u careless to the point of being reckless, or u a predator. And whether u know it or not bruv u on borrowed time. A lot of ladies like it rough. This isn’t ‘being rough’. It’s not consensual. It’s barely a grey area. It’s actually mostly black and white. Your last partner might have let it slide (no pun intended 😖) but your next one might fvck ya life up - and she got every right to. I am the last one who should be lecturing anybody because I do a lot of sh!t I’m ashamed of so let’s just take this as a collective reminder...Men: let’s do better. ME TOO. Aight? Bless up 🙌

PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The thi...

Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it She's only been here five days but she's completely melted my heart @DrSmashlove I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂
Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww
 u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it
 She's only been here five days but she's
 completely melted my heart
 @DrSmashlove
I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂

I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me:...

Animals, Basketball, and Ex's: My boy Ferris turned 3 today. He still thinks he's as small as when he was a puppy Pic: reddit u/ZarZarBinks22 @DrSmashlove So the discussion about stealing-appropriating clothing from exes has begotten untold amount of humor and, as always, Smash is here for the fvckery - all of it 🤗😂: (1) Yesterday, one of my followers commented: “Right now on my teenage daughter's bed is a large teddy bear her old boyfriend gave her and it's wearing a fleece hoodie that her new boyfriend gave her. This poor bear didn't ask for this $h!t!!🤣” WHEN BOTH YO MAMA AND YO STUFFED ANIMALS ARE JUDGING U BABY GIRL U NEED TO HIT THAT PAUSE BUTTON ON YO LIFE AND GET RIGHT WITH GOD, I CAN’T 😂. (2) Sometimes I get messages from my lil homegirls that I have have to simply repost with no explanation because the legend speaks for itself (herself? Lol): “To be honest I keep an old ex's basketball shorts at my place and lie and say they're mine...my overnight guests just want to believe they are the first homie to ever touch my precious flower so they believe it naively and wear them to sleep. I do wash them but still: LIT'RAL PECKER KISS.” Ladies...FOR EFF’S SAKE 😂...Y’all heard of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...Well if u sleep with my homegirl u are inducted to the Brotherhood of the Jizzy Nike Shorts 😩 ... Baptized in Babies ... Submerged in the Swimmers ... of all men who came before you ... literally ‘came’ before u 😢🔫 ... I’m done bruv u ladies got savage in yo cot damn blood...this ain’t chu...who made u like dis... maybe u ladies are just doing u and *I’M* the one who need to meditate and talk to God ... in fact imma do that right quick y’all be safe 😩😂😂😂
Animals, Basketball, and Ex's: My boy Ferris turned 3 today. He still
 thinks he's as small as when he was a
 puppy
 Pic: reddit u/ZarZarBinks22
 @DrSmashlove
So the discussion about stealing-appropriating clothing from exes has begotten untold amount of humor and, as always, Smash is here for the fvckery - all of it 🤗😂: (1) Yesterday, one of my followers commented: “Right now on my teenage daughter's bed is a large teddy bear her old boyfriend gave her and it's wearing a fleece hoodie that her new boyfriend gave her. This poor bear didn't ask for this $h!t!!🤣” WHEN BOTH YO MAMA AND YO STUFFED ANIMALS ARE JUDGING U BABY GIRL U NEED TO HIT THAT PAUSE BUTTON ON YO LIFE AND GET RIGHT WITH GOD, I CAN’T 😂. (2) Sometimes I get messages from my lil homegirls that I have have to simply repost with no explanation because the legend speaks for itself (herself? Lol): “To be honest I keep an old ex's basketball shorts at my place and lie and say they're mine...my overnight guests just want to believe they are the first homie to ever touch my precious flower so they believe it naively and wear them to sleep. I do wash them but still: LIT'RAL PECKER KISS.” Ladies...FOR EFF’S SAKE 😂...Y’all heard of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...Well if u sleep with my homegirl u are inducted to the Brotherhood of the Jizzy Nike Shorts 😩 ... Baptized in Babies ... Submerged in the Swimmers ... of all men who came before you ... literally ‘came’ before u 😢🔫 ... I’m done bruv u ladies got savage in yo cot damn blood...this ain’t chu...who made u like dis... maybe u ladies are just doing u and *I’M* the one who need to meditate and talk to God ... in fact imma do that right quick y’all be safe 😩😂😂😂

So the discussion about stealing-appropriating clothing from exes has begotten untold amount of humor and, as always, Smash is here for the ...

Ass, Be Like, and Grandma: I volunteer at a shelter. Today a 7 year resident, Skip, was adopted. He's pretty happy about it Pic: Reddit u/boobsnbabies @DrSmashlove I’ve heard recent reports from three of my lil homegirls that a man they are dealing with romantically has texted her asking her to send a UBER to pick him up and bring her to his crib. Lemme do a lil historical recap. Our forefathers would remove they jacket and lay it upon a puddle so that they girl would not have to wet her feet bruv. He would give a woman his jacket when she was cold. Hold doors open. Leave little love notes hidden around her spot. Come meet her parents, and he cut his hair and shine his shoes and pick up flowers for her mama beforehand. U feel me? Chivalry. Chivalrous ass Prince Charmings, bruv. Fast forward to 2017: “send me an UBER if u want 2 c daddy”. Send a UBER to pick up daddy, bruv? U the daddy but u need financial assistance to transport to her crib? U might have been daddy at one time but even if the pipe game super on point if she sending UBER’s u da baby and she da mommy now. Look up “man” in Webster Thesaurus and the antonyms be like “boy; lad; he who requesteth transport in an UBER vehicle from a woman with whomst he hath engaged in romantic relations” - this is Webster bruv the Man smart! He predicted this shit! 😂 Anyway bruv I ain’t even mad. Not even remotely mad. Instead: thankful. Y’all making all the men who display even a modicum of chivalry look like cot damn Romeos out dis bish. We love y’all. Y’all special. Y’all loyal. Y’all gon find a woman who gon take care of u and be the mommy u need. Y’all gotta be good to her tho! She might cut off yo allowance. Take away yo iPad so u can’t watch Jake Paul YouTube videos no more. U in line with her at Panera like “I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGEL!!” And she like “BAD BOYS DON’T GET CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGELS TIMMY.” And u just like “I AT LEAST WANT A GOGURT! GOGURT MOMMY GOGURT!” And she gotta take u back to the minivan and spank u. Yo great grandpa took yo great grandma to the sock hop and the drive in movies, treating her to burgers and shakes, now u being disciplined by yo woman like a disobedient child Bruv. My how things change. All because U asked for a UBER. Y’all be safe out there! 😂😂😂
Ass, Be Like, and Grandma: I volunteer at a shelter. Today a 7 year
 resident, Skip, was adopted. He's pretty
 happy about it
 Pic: Reddit u/boobsnbabies
 @DrSmashlove
I’ve heard recent reports from three of my lil homegirls that a man they are dealing with romantically has texted her asking her to send a UBER to pick him up and bring her to his crib. Lemme do a lil historical recap. Our forefathers would remove they jacket and lay it upon a puddle so that they girl would not have to wet her feet bruv. He would give a woman his jacket when she was cold. Hold doors open. Leave little love notes hidden around her spot. Come meet her parents, and he cut his hair and shine his shoes and pick up flowers for her mama beforehand. U feel me? Chivalry. Chivalrous ass Prince Charmings, bruv. Fast forward to 2017: “send me an UBER if u want 2 c daddy”. Send a UBER to pick up daddy, bruv? U the daddy but u need financial assistance to transport to her crib? U might have been daddy at one time but even if the pipe game super on point if she sending UBER’s u da baby and she da mommy now. Look up “man” in Webster Thesaurus and the antonyms be like “boy; lad; he who requesteth transport in an UBER vehicle from a woman with whomst he hath engaged in romantic relations” - this is Webster bruv the Man smart! He predicted this shit! 😂 Anyway bruv I ain’t even mad. Not even remotely mad. Instead: thankful. Y’all making all the men who display even a modicum of chivalry look like cot damn Romeos out dis bish. We love y’all. Y’all special. Y’all loyal. Y’all gon find a woman who gon take care of u and be the mommy u need. Y’all gotta be good to her tho! She might cut off yo allowance. Take away yo iPad so u can’t watch Jake Paul YouTube videos no more. U in line with her at Panera like “I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGEL!!” And she like “BAD BOYS DON’T GET CHOCOLATE CHIP BAGELS TIMMY.” And u just like “I AT LEAST WANT A GOGURT! GOGURT MOMMY GOGURT!” And she gotta take u back to the minivan and spank u. Yo great grandpa took yo great grandma to the sock hop and the drive in movies, treating her to burgers and shakes, now u being disciplined by yo woman like a disobedient child Bruv. My how things change. All because U asked for a UBER. Y’all be safe out there! 😂😂😂

I’ve heard recent reports from three of my lil homegirls that a man they are dealing with romantically has texted her asking her to send a U...

Bad, Candy, and Charlie: @GUNNERSELLWHITE i'll drop kick this nigga if he come to my door asking for candy Ryan Fournier @RyanAFournier Guess who he is for Halloween! [Intro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Are you ready for this G, yeah? C'mon, man, I was born ready and dat Okay, aight, boom Big Shaq, hold tight, Asnee Scoopnum, ratnum, oosna Hold tight the girl-dem as well, boom [Verse 1: Roadman Shaq] Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick maths Everyday man's on the block, smoke trees See your girl in the park, that girl is a uckers When the ting went quack-quack-quack, you man were ducking Hold tight, Asnee, he's got the pumpy Hold tight, my man, he's got the frisbee I trap, trap, trap on the road, movin' that cornflakes Rice Krispie, hold tight, my girl Whitney (perfect) On the road doin' ten toes, like my toes You man thought I froze, I see a peng girl, then I pose If she's not on it, I ghost, hah, look at your nose What? You dickhead! Look at your nose Nose long like garden hose, shhh, you get me? [Interlude: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Boom, man's gonna come back in (yeah, yeah) You know like that? (yeah, yeah, yeah) You're feelin' that? (yeah, yeah, bad, bad) You dun know, I see you shiverin' and that Don't get shook man's here (aight) You protected-ed, yeah? (aight, let's do it) Aight, boom, let's go, boom [Verse 2: Roadman Shaq] Hop out the four-door with the .44, it was one, two, three and four Chillin' in the corridor, your dad is forty-four And he's still callin' man for a draw, let him know When I see him, I'm gonna spin his jaw Take man's Twix by force, send man shop by force Your girl knows I've got the sauce, no ketchup Just sauce, raw sauce Boom, yo, gah The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka Skibiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-boom Skya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun Poom, poom You dun know, Big Shaq, ha, yo, yeah-yeah Alright, fire-fire-fire in the booth You get me, man's not hot I tell her man's not hot, hah, cot I tell her man's not hot The girl told me, "Take off your jacket" I said, "Babes, man's not hot" Yo, man can never be hot Perspiration ting, Lynx effect [Outro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Yo, you dun know Dun know, y-you You look a bit shook, Charlie You look a bit hot What's that? Y-y-ya sweating and that again Brudda, man don't make jokes with me, Charlie Aight, aight, aight, c
Bad, Candy, and Charlie: @GUNNERSELLWHITE
 i'll drop kick this nigga if he come to
 my door asking for candy
 Ryan Fournier @RyanAFournier
 Guess who he is for Halloween!
[Intro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Are you ready for this G, yeah? C'mon, man, I was born ready and dat Okay, aight, boom Big Shaq, hold tight, Asnee Scoopnum, ratnum, oosna Hold tight the girl-dem as well, boom [Verse 1: Roadman Shaq] Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick maths Everyday man's on the block, smoke trees See your girl in the park, that girl is a uckers When the ting went quack-quack-quack, you man were ducking Hold tight, Asnee, he's got the pumpy Hold tight, my man, he's got the frisbee I trap, trap, trap on the road, movin' that cornflakes Rice Krispie, hold tight, my girl Whitney (perfect) On the road doin' ten toes, like my toes You man thought I froze, I see a peng girl, then I pose If she's not on it, I ghost, hah, look at your nose What? You dickhead! Look at your nose Nose long like garden hose, shhh, you get me? [Interlude: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Boom, man's gonna come back in (yeah, yeah) You know like that? (yeah, yeah, yeah) You're feelin' that? (yeah, yeah, bad, bad) You dun know, I see you shiverin' and that Don't get shook man's here (aight) You protected-ed, yeah? (aight, let's do it) Aight, boom, let's go, boom [Verse 2: Roadman Shaq] Hop out the four-door with the .44, it was one, two, three and four Chillin' in the corridor, your dad is forty-four And he's still callin' man for a draw, let him know When I see him, I'm gonna spin his jaw Take man's Twix by force, send man shop by force Your girl knows I've got the sauce, no ketchup Just sauce, raw sauce Boom, yo, gah The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka Skibiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-boom Skya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun Poom, poom You dun know, Big Shaq, ha, yo, yeah-yeah Alright, fire-fire-fire in the booth You get me, man's not hot I tell her man's not hot, hah, cot I tell her man's not hot The girl told me, "Take off your jacket" I said, "Babes, man's not hot" Yo, man can never be hot Perspiration ting, Lynx effect [Outro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Yo, you dun know Dun know, y-you You look a bit shook, Charlie You look a bit hot What's that? Y-y-ya sweating and that again Brudda, man don't make jokes with me, Charlie Aight, aight, aight, c

[Intro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Are you ready for this G, yeah? C'mon, man, I was born ready and dat Okay, aight, boom Big Shaq, hold ...

Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it now hug me human! @DrSmashlove Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂
Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it
 now hug me human!
 @DrSmashlove
Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂

Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that...

Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his name is Smudge @DrSmashlove Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂
Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it
 I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his
 name is Smudge
 @DrSmashlove
Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂

Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thin...

Baseball, Bless Up, and Cats: Saying "hey" from the NYC subway Yoric's best Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye "Touch the Sky" feels. But what I love is all the old head haters. U know wtf I'm talmbout. Them cats that think Jay and Nas were the last good rappers. "Man look at these new kids smh...mumble rappers" "rocking tight pants and dresses" "how they letting these guys wear chokers" "how they letting these guys dye their hair pink and blond" "popping pills smh they letting junkies rap now". OK. LET ME GET THIS CLEAR, OLD HEAD. YALL GOT A BUNCH OF WOMEN PREGNANT IN THE 90s AND THEN GHOSTED - DISAPPEARED - WENT TO THE CORNER STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK - NOW THEM KIDS GREW UP AND EMBRACED FASHION AND CREATED THEY OWN GENDER FLUID STYLE BECAUSE THEY MALE ROLE MODELS WAS ABSENT AND NOW U WANNA CRITICIZE...EVEN THO THESE KIDS ON STAGES IN FRONT OF SOLD OUT CROWDS PUTTING IT DOWN FOR THEY FAMILY...LEMME TELL U WHAT U NEED TO DO, OLD HEAD...U NEED TO GO TO THE SPORTING GOODS STORE ASAP AND BUY TWO BASEBALL MITTS AND A BASEBALL AND FIND THAT BOY U ABANDONED AND PLAY SOME CATCH...MATTER FACT ASK THE POSTAL SERVICE FOR A FULL WEEK OFF, U GON NEED A LOT OF TIME FOR THIS GAME OF CATCH (AND 'CATCH UP') AND MAYBE U COULD PLAY HIM SOME NAS AND JAY RECORDS AND DISCUSS MUSIC WITH HIM BUT FOR NOW STFU AND STOP CRITICIZING, THE ART REFLECT THE CULTURE AND U CREATED IT NOW DON'T BE MAD AT IT (but you're welcome to fix your mistakes bless up 🤗😂😂😂) (@madmax_fluffyroad)
Baseball, Bless Up, and Cats: Saying "hey" from the NYC subway
 Yoric's best
Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye "Touch the Sky" feels. But what I love is all the old head haters. U know wtf I'm talmbout. Them cats that think Jay and Nas were the last good rappers. "Man look at these new kids smh...mumble rappers" "rocking tight pants and dresses" "how they letting these guys wear chokers" "how they letting these guys dye their hair pink and blond" "popping pills smh they letting junkies rap now". OK. LET ME GET THIS CLEAR, OLD HEAD. YALL GOT A BUNCH OF WOMEN PREGNANT IN THE 90s AND THEN GHOSTED - DISAPPEARED - WENT TO THE CORNER STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK - NOW THEM KIDS GREW UP AND EMBRACED FASHION AND CREATED THEY OWN GENDER FLUID STYLE BECAUSE THEY MALE ROLE MODELS WAS ABSENT AND NOW U WANNA CRITICIZE...EVEN THO THESE KIDS ON STAGES IN FRONT OF SOLD OUT CROWDS PUTTING IT DOWN FOR THEY FAMILY...LEMME TELL U WHAT U NEED TO DO, OLD HEAD...U NEED TO GO TO THE SPORTING GOODS STORE ASAP AND BUY TWO BASEBALL MITTS AND A BASEBALL AND FIND THAT BOY U ABANDONED AND PLAY SOME CATCH...MATTER FACT ASK THE POSTAL SERVICE FOR A FULL WEEK OFF, U GON NEED A LOT OF TIME FOR THIS GAME OF CATCH (AND 'CATCH UP') AND MAYBE U COULD PLAY HIM SOME NAS AND JAY RECORDS AND DISCUSS MUSIC WITH HIM BUT FOR NOW STFU AND STOP CRITICIZING, THE ART REFLECT THE CULTURE AND U CREATED IT NOW DON'T BE MAD AT IT (but you're welcome to fix your mistakes bless up 🤗😂😂😂) (@madmax_fluffyroad)

Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye...

Bless Up, Blessed, and Fail: They ripped open their bed and Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. 📍 <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the medical cot damn establishment, got me all the way completely and without any doubt fucked the fuck up. Lemme splain u. I go in to get tested. Nurse hand me the results. I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? Of course I should be nervous - everybody sexually active should be nervous bc people be lion 🦁. And in this state of nervousness, y'all hand me some shit where it say <0.90. That's my result. Carrot, decimal. It used to say "non reactive". Now y'all give me equations. Y'all don't just say "u got the Ursher disease" or "u could live to smash another day". Nah. Y'all wanna give me motherfucking code words. Then I gotta flip the page and find that <0.90 mean negative. Then I gotta google it, come to find out that the Hurp level gotta be 1.1 or above or else I'm negative. Well was I close? Was it 0.1? Or was it 0.6 where I got a teensie weensie amount of Hurp? This pass-fail shit? Fuck y'all 😂. (Editor's note: 0.6 would not be middle ground anyway. You have to be in the 0.9-1.1 range to be questionable TheMoreYouKnow.) In any event. Lemme get this shit straight. I come in to get tested and y'all gon put me back in middle school algebra. YALL 👏 GOT 👏 A 👏 BROTHER 👏 DOUBLE 👏 FUCKED 👏 UP 👏 WITH 👏 CHEESE 👏. I wanna open a envelope. It should have no math equations on it. It should have no charts and graphs. IDGAF about your disclaimers. It should be one sheet of white paper. In the middle it should say "DD" (drippy dick) or "NDD" (non drippy dick). THAT'S ALL I WANT FROM YALL. OTHER THAN THAT, SHUT ALL THE WAY UP 😂. Best regards, smash. P.s. I love it when I go get tested and make a fist and u nurses start telling me "ooooh u got nice veins 😍". Happens every time and y'all adorable for that. In fact it's a set-up for an amazing p0rno that I'll never shoot but if any of my followers are in Hollywood y'all should run with that and lemme do a cameo with a mask on (HECK IT MASK OFF) bless up 😂😂😂 (pic: @alondraxaz)
Bless Up, Blessed, and Fail: They ripped open their bed and
Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. 📍 <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the medical cot damn establishment, got me all the way completely and without any doubt fucked the fuck up. Lemme splain u. I go in to get tested. Nurse hand me the results. I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? Of course I should be nervous - everybody sexually active should be nervous bc people be lion 🦁. And in this state of nervousness, y'all hand me some shit where it say <0.90. That's my result. Carrot, decimal. It used to say "non reactive". Now y'all give me equations. Y'all don't just say "u got the Ursher disease" or "u could live to smash another day". Nah. Y'all wanna give me motherfucking code words. Then I gotta flip the page and find that <0.90 mean negative. Then I gotta google it, come to find out that the Hurp level gotta be 1.1 or above or else I'm negative. Well was I close? Was it 0.1? Or was it 0.6 where I got a teensie weensie amount of Hurp? This pass-fail shit? Fuck y'all 😂. (Editor's note: 0.6 would not be middle ground anyway. You have to be in the 0.9-1.1 range to be questionable TheMoreYouKnow.) In any event. Lemme get this shit straight. I come in to get tested and y'all gon put me back in middle school algebra. YALL 👏 GOT 👏 A 👏 BROTHER 👏 DOUBLE 👏 FUCKED 👏 UP 👏 WITH 👏 CHEESE 👏. I wanna open a envelope. It should have no math equations on it. It should have no charts and graphs. IDGAF about your disclaimers. It should be one sheet of white paper. In the middle it should say "DD" (drippy dick) or "NDD" (non drippy dick). THAT'S ALL I WANT FROM YALL. OTHER THAN THAT, SHUT ALL THE WAY UP 😂. Best regards, smash. P.s. I love it when I go get tested and make a fist and u nurses start telling me "ooooh u got nice veins 😍". Happens every time and y'all adorable for that. In fact it's a set-up for an amazing p0rno that I'll never shoot but if any of my followers are in Hollywood y'all should run with that and lemme do a cameo with a mask on (HECK IT MASK OFF) bless up 😂😂😂 (pic: @alondraxaz)

Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. 📍 <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the...

Af, Ass, and Bad: Trang Nguyern @trangnnguyenn we our Chacos @DrSmashlove So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I won't make it. My lungs are now coughing to try to draw air inside my body is like "MF WE WILL GO ON STRIKE U CAN ONLY PUT US THRU SO MUCH WE HAVE APPROVAL AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOCAL 183 ELECTRICIANS BROTHERHOOD TO SHUT YO ASS DOWN BELEE DAT SHIT." But nah I kept going bc I AIN NO BISH (also, I'm stupid 🤗). So the pretty lil woman next to me say "sir.........are you ok(?)" And I wanted to be like "BISH DON'T U SEE MY SPEED RN? I AIN'T DOING 65 STEPS PER MINUTE LIKE U WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE SPEED FOR KICKING YOUR LEGS OUT BEHIND U TO BUILD THAT UNDERBUTT-CREASE BC U TRYING TO GET A ASS THE NATURAL WAY AND NOT THE KARDASHIAN POOPY DIAPER SURGERY WAY BUT THIS SHIT LIKE SPRINTING UP A MOUNTAIN COT DAMMIT YES I'M OK LET A BROTHER BREAVE 😤." But I didn't say that. I didn't say that shit at all 😂. I said "ayeeee you don't have to call me sir! I'm not THAT old. I only have six grandkids ... THAT I KNOW ABOUT LOL LEMME STOP LYING I AIN OLD ENUF TO BE A GRANDPA HAHAHAHA I'M STUPID WYD THO." And she immeejally reply "ha! You got me beat. My first grand kid was just born so I have a while before I catch up!" Hold the damn phone bruh. She was pretty AF too. Like the math ain een make no damn sense. She 30? What did she do, have a daughter at age 15 and then THAT daughter had a baby at age 15? Or maybe she 45? Like she Lululemon down - and where she get the money for all this? And then I pictured her meeting a sweet old glucose guardian who was like "I don't mind that you have kids - I never wanted them - but I'll treat yours like mine ☺️" and took care of her and now she living good AND THEN I REALIZED MAYBE SHE GOT HER OWN DAMN MONEY WHY SHE GOTTA BE A KEPT WOMAN MAYBE SHE INDEPENDENT AF SHAME ON ME SMASH FOR ASSUMING SHIT. Then I said "LOL NO WAY YOU'RE GORGEOUS! 😬" That's all I said. And then she said "aw bless your heart you're cute LOL." That was it. If u think I'm not gonna share my nonsensical stories with y'all YALL ARE WRONG I SHARE THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE MEANINGLESS BLESS UP 😂😂😂
Af, Ass, and Bad: Trang Nguyern
 @trangnnguyenn
 we our Chacos
 @DrSmashlove
So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I won't make it. My lungs are now coughing to try to draw air inside my body is like "MF WE WILL GO ON STRIKE U CAN ONLY PUT US THRU SO MUCH WE HAVE APPROVAL AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOCAL 183 ELECTRICIANS BROTHERHOOD TO SHUT YO ASS DOWN BELEE DAT SHIT." But nah I kept going bc I AIN NO BISH (also, I'm stupid 🤗). So the pretty lil woman next to me say "sir.........are you ok(?)" And I wanted to be like "BISH DON'T U SEE MY SPEED RN? I AIN'T DOING 65 STEPS PER MINUTE LIKE U WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE SPEED FOR KICKING YOUR LEGS OUT BEHIND U TO BUILD THAT UNDERBUTT-CREASE BC U TRYING TO GET A ASS THE NATURAL WAY AND NOT THE KARDASHIAN POOPY DIAPER SURGERY WAY BUT THIS SHIT LIKE SPRINTING UP A MOUNTAIN COT DAMMIT YES I'M OK LET A BROTHER BREAVE 😤." But I didn't say that. I didn't say that shit at all 😂. I said "ayeeee you don't have to call me sir! I'm not THAT old. I only have six grandkids ... THAT I KNOW ABOUT LOL LEMME STOP LYING I AIN OLD ENUF TO BE A GRANDPA HAHAHAHA I'M STUPID WYD THO." And she immeejally reply "ha! You got me beat. My first grand kid was just born so I have a while before I catch up!" Hold the damn phone bruh. She was pretty AF too. Like the math ain een make no damn sense. She 30? What did she do, have a daughter at age 15 and then THAT daughter had a baby at age 15? Or maybe she 45? Like she Lululemon down - and where she get the money for all this? And then I pictured her meeting a sweet old glucose guardian who was like "I don't mind that you have kids - I never wanted them - but I'll treat yours like mine ☺️" and took care of her and now she living good AND THEN I REALIZED MAYBE SHE GOT HER OWN DAMN MONEY WHY SHE GOTTA BE A KEPT WOMAN MAYBE SHE INDEPENDENT AF SHAME ON ME SMASH FOR ASSUMING SHIT. Then I said "LOL NO WAY YOU'RE GORGEOUS! 😬" That's all I said. And then she said "aw bless your heart you're cute LOL." That was it. If u think I'm not gonna share my nonsensical stories with y'all YALL ARE WRONG I SHARE THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE MEANINGLESS BLESS UP 😂😂😂

So I'm on the stairmaster tryina knock out this 103 steps per minute for 45 min right and I get to minute 38 and I'm cot damn feeling like I...