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Bad, Beer, and Life: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a real UFO and it was 'horribly designed' The Shape of Water director Guillermo 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d m808vthetank: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater: “I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.” The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.” (x) the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING “there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky” The real reason we haven’t made official contact with alien life is because they were offended by his remarks and don’t want to come back until we apologise
Bad, Beer, and Life: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a
 real UFO and it was 'horribly
 designed'
 The Shape of Water director Guillermo
 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d
m808vthetank:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

doux-amer:

truestoriesaboutme:

dragon-in-a-fez:
imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines
The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics

Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater:

“I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.”
The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.”
(x)



the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING

“there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”


The real reason we haven’t made official contact with alien life is because they were offended by his remarks and don’t want to come back until we apologise

m808vthetank: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you sa...

Target, Tumblr, and Blog: knifewizard: antiknife: THE RITUAL IS COMPLETE important addition (from his latest insta post)
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: knifewizard:
antiknife:
THE RITUAL IS COMPLETE

important addition (from his latest insta post)

knifewizard: antiknife: THE RITUAL IS COMPLETE important addition (from his latest insta post)

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

Friends, Funny, and Relationships: dalekitsune the phrase "curios ity killed the cat" is actually not the full phrase it actually is "curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back" so don't let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu consultingmoosecaptain See also: Blood is thieker than water The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger than those formed by birth. espurr-roba Let's not forget that "Jack of all trades, master of none" ends with "But better than a master of one." It means that being equally good/average at everything is much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking at everything else. So don't worry if you're not perfect at something you do! Being okay is better! thelastmellophone These made me feel better thelifeofatubaplayer Also, "great minds think alike" ends with "but fools rarely differ" It goes to show that conformity isn't always a good thing And that just because more than one person has the same idea, doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea. becausetheintrovert what the fuck why haven't i heard the full version to any of these unlimitedtrashworks "Birds of a feather flock together" ends with "until the cat comes. It's actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an assessment of how complementary people are. monsters-and-teeth I've always felt like these were cut down on purpose. evil-shenanigans-alpha I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this knowledge. alwayswillgraham The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. its-kk-yo I want to make designs out of these. sunderlorn Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs encourage like... living exciting, eclectic lives driven by choice and personal passion.
Friends, Funny, and Relationships: dalekitsune
 the phrase "curios ity killed the cat" is actually not the full
 phrase it actually is "curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction
 brought it back" so don't let anyone tell you not to be a
 curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world
 uwu
 consultingmoosecaptain
 See also:
 Blood is thieker than water The blood of the covenant is
 thicker than the water of the womb
 Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger
 than those formed by birth.
 espurr-roba
 Let's not forget that "Jack of all trades, master of none" ends
 with "But better than a master of one."
 It means that being equally good/average at everything is
 much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking
 at everything else. So don't worry if you're not perfect at
 something you do! Being okay is better!
 thelastmellophone
 These made me feel better
 thelifeofatubaplayer
 Also, "great minds think alike" ends with "but fools rarely
 differ"
 It goes to show that conformity isn't always a good thing
 And that just because more than one person has the same
 idea, doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea.
 becausetheintrovert
 what the fuck why haven't i heard the full version to any of
 these
 unlimitedtrashworks
 "Birds of a feather flock together" ends with "until the cat
 comes.
 It's actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an
 assessment of how complementary people are.
 monsters-and-teeth
 I've always felt like these were cut down on purpose.
 evil-shenanigans-alpha
 I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this
 knowledge.
 alwayswillgraham
 The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse
 gets the cheese.
 its-kk-yo
 I want to make designs out of these.
 sunderlorn
 Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity
 and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs
 encourage like... living exciting, eclectic lives driven by
 choice and personal passion.
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | İlke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes

 HOW TO TREAT A
 TONGUE STUCK
 TO A POLE
 lWarm the pole with your hands.
 Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is
 very
 when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding.
 Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole
 closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several
 minutes
 cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze
 1 Do not panic.
 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole
 3 Move closer to the pole.
 Pulling sharply will be very painful.
 As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue
 should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away
 from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on
 the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will
 quickly heal.
 | İlke z test pull.
 Get as close as possible without letting more of the
 tongue's surface area touch the pole.
 Alternative Method
 0
 se warm water
 Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and
 the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may
 freeze and exacerbate the problem.
 Be Aware
 Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own
 saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the
 small amount you will be able to generate is
 likely to freeze on your tongue..
 If another person is present, have him or her
 pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This
 may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is
 stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over
 your tongue should do the trick
 Warm the pole wih yr ui wti
 your ton

 How To THWART AN
 AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT
 er
 all
 ood/
 medi
 1S
 tial
 restau
 tuate
 fave
 hark
 an-
 e
 to
 nc-
 to

 How rO ESCAPE
 FROM A GIANT
 OCTOPUS
 1 Pull away quickly
 In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of
 small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming
 away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres-
 sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or
 if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the
 next step.
 2 Do not go limp.
 Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough,
 will check to see if you are a food item before letting
 you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or
 quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible
 sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a
 "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult.
 However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres-
 sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The
 octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring
 ou in for a closer look.
 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around
 your arms.

 The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes
 Searchable CD
 With All
 11 Handbooks
 plus wallpapers,
 and more
 By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht
novelty-gift-ideas:

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | İlke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes

 HOW TO TREAT A
 TONGUE STUCK
 TO A POLE
 lWarm the pole with your hands.
 Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is
 very
 when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding.
 Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole
 closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several
 minutes
 cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze
 1 Do not panic.
 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole
 3 Move closer to the pole.
 Pulling sharply will be very painful.
 As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue
 should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away
 from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on
 the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will
 quickly heal.
 | İlke z test pull.
 Get as close as possible without letting more of the
 tongue's surface area touch the pole.
 Alternative Method
 0
 se warm water
 Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and
 the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may
 freeze and exacerbate the problem.
 Be Aware
 Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own
 saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the
 small amount you will be able to generate is
 likely to freeze on your tongue..
 If another person is present, have him or her
 pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This
 may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is
 stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over
 your tongue should do the trick
 Warm the pole wih yr ui wti
 your ton

 How To THWART AN
 AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT
 er
 all
 ood/
 medi
 1S
 tial
 restau
 tuate
 fave
 hark
 an-
 e
 to
 nc-
 to

 How rO ESCAPE
 FROM A GIANT
 OCTOPUS
 1 Pull away quickly
 In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of
 small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming
 away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres-
 sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or
 if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the
 next step.
 2 Do not go limp.
 Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough,
 will check to see if you are a food item before letting
 you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or
 quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible
 sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a
 "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult.
 However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres-
 sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The
 octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring
 ou in for a closer look.
 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around
 your arms.

 The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes
 Searchable CD
 With All
 11 Handbooks
 plus wallpapers,
 and more
 By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht
novelty-gift-ideas:

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | İlke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes

 HOW TO TREAT A
 TONGUE STUCK
 TO A POLE
 lWarm the pole with your hands.
 Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is
 very
 when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding.
 Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole
 closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several
 minutes
 cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze
 1 Do not panic.
 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole
 3 Move closer to the pole.
 Pulling sharply will be very painful.
 As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue
 should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away
 from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on
 the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will
 quickly heal.
 | İlke z test pull.
 Get as close as possible without letting more of the
 tongue's surface area touch the pole.
 Alternative Method
 0
 se warm water
 Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and
 the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may
 freeze and exacerbate the problem.
 Be Aware
 Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own
 saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the
 small amount you will be able to generate is
 likely to freeze on your tongue..
 If another person is present, have him or her
 pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This
 may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is
 stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over
 your tongue should do the trick
 Warm the pole wih yr ui wti
 your ton

 How To THWART AN
 AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT
 er
 all
 ood/
 medi
 1S
 tial
 restau
 tuate
 fave
 hark
 an-
 e
 to
 nc-
 to

 How rO ESCAPE
 FROM A GIANT
 OCTOPUS
 1 Pull away quickly
 In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of
 small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming
 away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres-
 sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or
 if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the
 next step.
 2 Do not go limp.
 Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough,
 will check to see if you are a food item before letting
 you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or
 quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible
 sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a
 "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult.
 However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres-
 sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The
 octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring
 ou in for a closer look.
 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around
 your arms.

 The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes
 Searchable CD
 With All
 11 Handbooks
 plus wallpapers,
 and more
 By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht
novelty-gift-ideas:

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | İlke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes

 HOW TO TREAT A
 TONGUE STUCK
 TO A POLE
 lWarm the pole with your hands.
 Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is
 very
 when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding.
 Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole
 closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several
 minutes
 cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze
 1 Do not panic.
 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole
 3 Move closer to the pole.
 Pulling sharply will be very painful.
 As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue
 should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away
 from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on
 the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will
 quickly heal.
 | İlke z test pull.
 Get as close as possible without letting more of the
 tongue's surface area touch the pole.
 Alternative Method
 0
 se warm water
 Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and
 the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may
 freeze and exacerbate the problem.
 Be Aware
 Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own
 saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the
 small amount you will be able to generate is
 likely to freeze on your tongue..
 If another person is present, have him or her
 pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This
 may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is
 stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over
 your tongue should do the trick
 Warm the pole wih yr ui wti
 your ton

 How To THWART AN
 AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT
 er
 all
 ood/
 medi
 1S
 tial
 restau
 tuate
 fave
 hark
 an-
 e
 to
 nc-
 to

 How rO ESCAPE
 FROM A GIANT
 OCTOPUS
 1 Pull away quickly
 In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of
 small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming
 away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres-
 sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or
 if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the
 next step.
 2 Do not go limp.
 Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough,
 will check to see if you are a food item before letting
 you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or
 quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible
 sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a
 "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult.
 However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres-
 sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The
 octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring
 ou in for a closer look.
 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around
 your arms.

 The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes
 Searchable CD
 With All
 11 Handbooks
 plus wallpapers,
 and more
 By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht
novelty-gift-ideas:

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST SEX WITH YOU HAVE ORIGHT NOW ALL THE TIME TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON m freshly shaved. Oljust got a Brazlian. O To keep warm. To stop fighting. To bond emotionally To feel closer to you. Because quickies are cool O My therapist suggested it To act out a fantasy Dljust lost ten pounds Because you feed me. Because I'm tke that To break in the new mattress Djust changed the sheets. Tomorrow's taundry day O To say goodbye. To say I'm sory. To say thank you OI ran out of batteries You complete me. I want to get back together 'm ovulating. OMy endorphins are firing. To forget about my ex. To help you forget your ex. Afternoon delight OI'm leaving the country. O got draftod #relationshipgoals Simon says Practice makes perfect. To carry on the family name Because wo both love cheese. Because 1 started doing yoga. I'm an artist. I'ma rocker. You care about grammar OI have good genes. You look good in jeans It's written in the stars. It's on my to-do list. O I'm tired of swiping left. m tired of swiping tight Oi won't find anything better. Ot'S winwin Oi have a headache. Ive heard it's fun. I'm tipsy aI'm bored OYou're hot You're smart You've got big hands. It would upset my mother. OSomeone dared me. DIcrave attention. DI had a good day. DI had a bad day, Im horny. 3 You smell nice Sin is in, Celibacy is out. O My roommate is out Dl just learned a new technique. DIneed to bum some calories. O You're funny. I'm stupid It'd be my pleasure. It'd be your pleasure. Because I love you It's raining. It's Wednesday Procrastination. DI haven't showered yet. DIjust showered. O I'm naked To celebrate. To boost my self-esteem. To boost my serotonin levels. Because you touch me like that). You're easy. I'm a professional. I've got a motorcycle. I'm about to be famous. You're famous. OI need to release tension. OI need the validation. DI need the dopamine rush To commune with God. To live ife to the fullest. Dl lovehate you. I love/hate myself. OI hate everybody but you. It's been a while. It'l make me popular. Iwant to make a baby. My regular lover is out of town. It's my New Year's resolution, To change the subject. To even the score. As a personal favor. Revirginization isn't working out O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!" You give me butterfies OHabit Because you're the real deal Because I lack self-control. Because you carried me home. I'm on the rebound Bow-chicka-wowwow. a Sol can stop crying. Because I lost my orgasm. Because I'm uniquely flexible. It's the end of the world. The power is out. aYou have tons of tollowers. OI'm finally singlo. We both lean left. We both lean right. To make me feel young To escape reality. O heard you were good. OI'm that good. Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo. To dust off the cobwebs To improve my rhythm. You got dumped. Oigot dumped. D ike your shoes. Oi can't sleep. Oi got a new job. To make bfe better You alreacy know why I'm avoiding antidepressants. For spirituai transcendence. 'Cause you're my babes, babe OI need some juicy gossip. I'm trying out for a pom. To expand my horizons. To take us to the next level. Im out of chocolate. We're stuck with each other Because I'm online. The happy pills aren't working. I'm tired of oral sex. I'm tired of being a virgin. Ol feel sorry for you. I'm addicted. You drive a nice car To feel whole. OI don't live here. You don't live here It's easier than facing our issues. You clean up real nice. You're a good dancer You're rich O I'm easy. OYour skin is soft O Your hair is soft. Your package looks promising. D There's nothing on TV OThe kids are asleep. OMy parents are out. O My hand's getting tired. OThird base is getting old. The birds and the bees do it. DI have a medical condition To manage stress. Because 1 did the dishes My vocal cords need exercise. The sock is on the doorknob. It's my birthday. It's your birthday. It's someone's birthday. OYou're sexy AF Because our therapist said so DI have excellent stamina Ojust finished the Kama Sutra. You look like you need it. You're a good human. Ive been Kegeling. DI have ten minutes to kill OWe're here and we're queer To break in my new car. O My blowup doll sprung a leak. I'm polyamorous. aI had a dream about you. OMeditation makes me homy. Dljust popped a Viagra. Our bodies fit. To scratch my itch. To increase my resistance. Oike your you-know-what. You've got a big...brain. OWe're human. Why not? WITH SUGAR ON TOP PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE IWON'T BEG YEAR DAY MONTH SIGNATURE "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD? awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist
A Dream, Af, and Bad: WHY I MUST
 SEX WITH YOU
 HAVE
 ORIGHT NOW
 ALL THE TIME
 TONIGHT VERY VERY SOON
 m freshly shaved.
 Oljust got a Brazlian.
 O To keep warm.
 To stop fighting.
 To bond emotionally
 To feel closer to you.
 Because quickies are cool
 O My therapist suggested it
 To act out a fantasy
 Dljust lost ten pounds
 Because you feed me.
 Because I'm tke that
 To break in the new mattress
 Djust changed the sheets.
 Tomorrow's taundry day
 O To say goodbye.
 To say I'm sory.
 To say thank you
 OI ran out of batteries
 You complete me.
 I want to get back together
 'm ovulating.
 OMy endorphins are firing.
 To forget about my ex.
 To help you forget your ex.
 Afternoon delight
 OI'm leaving the country.
 O got draftod
 #relationshipgoals
 Simon says
 Practice makes perfect.
 To carry on the family name
 Because wo both love cheese.
 Because 1 started doing yoga.
 I'm an artist.
 I'ma rocker.
 You care about grammar
 OI have good genes.
 You look good in jeans
 It's written in the stars.
 It's on my to-do list.
 O I'm tired of swiping left.
 m tired of swiping tight
 Oi won't find anything better.
 Ot'S winwin
 Oi have a headache.
 Ive heard it's fun.
 I'm tipsy
 aI'm bored
 OYou're hot
 You're smart
 You've got big hands.
 It would upset my mother.
 OSomeone dared me.
 DIcrave attention.
 DI had a good day.
 DI had a bad day,
 Im horny.
 3 You smell nice
 Sin is in,
 Celibacy is out.
 O My roommate is out
 Dl just learned a new technique.
 DIneed to bum some calories.
 O You're funny.
 I'm stupid
 It'd be my pleasure.
 It'd be your pleasure.
 Because I love you
 It's raining.
 It's Wednesday
 Procrastination.
 DI haven't showered yet.
 DIjust showered.
 O I'm naked
 To celebrate.
 To boost my self-esteem.
 To boost my serotonin levels.
 Because you touch me like that). You're easy.
 I'm a professional.
 I've got a motorcycle.
 I'm about to be famous.
 You're famous.
 OI need to release tension.
 OI need the validation.
 DI need the dopamine rush
 To commune with God.
 To live ife to the fullest.
 Dl lovehate you.
 I love/hate myself.
 OI hate everybody but you.
 It's been a while.
 It'l make me popular.
 Iwant to make a baby.
 My regular lover is out of town.
 It's my New Year's resolution,
 To change the subject.
 To even the score.
 As a personal favor.
 Revirginization isn't working out
 O1ke screaming "Oh yeah, baby!"
 You give me butterfies
 OHabit
 Because you're the real deal
 Because I lack self-control.
 Because you carried me home.
 I'm on the rebound
 Bow-chicka-wowwow.
 a Sol can stop crying.
 Because I lost my orgasm.
 Because I'm uniquely flexible.
 It's the end of the world.
 The power is out.
 aYou have tons of tollowers.
 OI'm finally singlo.
 We both lean left.
 We both lean right.
 To make me feel young
 To escape reality.
 O heard you were good.
 OI'm that good.
 Because I love wearing condoms. You're fnally singlo.
 To dust off the cobwebs
 To improve my rhythm.
 You got dumped.
 Oigot dumped.
 D ike your shoes.
 Oi can't sleep.
 Oi got a new job.
 To make bfe better
 You alreacy know why
 I'm avoiding antidepressants.
 For spirituai transcendence.
 'Cause you're my babes, babe
 OI need some juicy gossip.
 I'm trying out for a pom.
 To expand my horizons.
 To take us to the next level.
 Im out of chocolate.
 We're stuck with each other
 Because I'm online.
 The happy pills aren't working.
 I'm tired of oral sex.
 I'm tired of being a virgin.
 Ol feel sorry for you.
 I'm addicted.
 You drive a nice car
 To feel whole.
 OI don't live here.
 You don't live here
 It's easier than facing our issues.
 You clean up real nice.
 You're a good dancer
 You're rich
 O I'm easy.
 OYour skin is soft
 O Your hair is soft.
 Your package looks promising.
 D There's nothing on TV
 OThe kids are asleep.
 OMy parents are out.
 O My hand's getting tired.
 OThird base is getting old.
 The birds and the bees do it.
 DI have a medical condition
 To manage stress.
 Because 1 did the dishes
 My vocal cords need exercise.
 The sock is on the doorknob.
 It's my birthday.
 It's your birthday.
 It's someone's birthday.
 OYou're sexy AF
 Because our therapist said so
 DI have excellent stamina
 Ojust finished the Kama Sutra.
 You look like you need it.
 You're a good human.
 Ive been Kegeling.
 DI have ten minutes to kill
 OWe're here and we're queer
 To break in my new car.
 O My blowup doll sprung a leak.
 I'm polyamorous.
 aI had a dream about you.
 OMeditation makes me homy.
 Dljust popped a Viagra.
 Our bodies fit.
 To scratch my itch.
 To increase my resistance.
 Oike your you-know-what.
 You've got a big...brain.
 OWe're human.
 Why not?
 WITH SUGAR ON TOP
 PRETTY PLEASE
 PLEASE
 IWON'T BEG
 YEAR
 DAY
 MONTH
 SIGNATURE
 "WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?
awesomage:

Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

awesomage: Why I Must Have Sex With You Checklist

Bad, Cats, and Doctor: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook New Aad Cl Ad F Sn Epem MAN SKILLS By Joshua Pives, Dvid Bergenich &Ben H. Wioiss THE COAIPLETE How To GIVE A DoG THE How to Perform the Heimlich HEIMLICH MANEUVER Maneuver on Your Cat 1 Check for throat obstructions Open the dog's mouth and inspect the back of the throat, looking for the object causing the obstruction. If you see it, carefully tongue forward for a better view Kneel and hold the cat in front of you, close to your chest. Place one forearm under the remove it. If the dog is unconscious, pull the cat's front legs and hold him up and out- stretched, facing away 2 Shake the obstruction free If the dog is smal, pick him up and hold him by the hips with his head hanging down. For larger dogs, hold the hind legs from you. Place the fist of your other hand just below the bottom so that the head hangs down. If this fails to dislodge the obstruction, place the dog back on the ground and proceed the next step. to rib. Give two or three 3 Place your arms around the dog's waist. With the dog standing together around the stomach, placing them just below the last rib quick, firm pushes inward to force the air lying down, clasp your hands or out of the lungs and dislodge the object 4 Compress the stomach Push up five times rapidly How To SAVE YOURSELF 5 Check for an obstruction Sweep the dog's mouth with your fingers to see if the object dislodged FROM CHOKING was 1 Try to talk. you can talk or are able to vocalize in any way, or if you make a sound when coughing, your airway is not completely blocked and you are not in imminent danger of death. Keep coughing to dislo dge the stuck material. If you cannot make any sounds, you will need to perform the one-person Heimlich maneuver 6 Repeat. If the object has not come free, strike the dog firmly If between the shoulder blades with the flat side of one hand, and then do another five abdominal compressions Alternate the back-slapping and compressions until the object is knocked free 2 Quickly locate a blunt object at waist level. If you are indoors, find a chair, table, counter, or other piece of furniture; if you are outside, look for a tall tree stump, fence, ledge, or large rock 3 Face the object. 4 Bend over the object. Lean so that the object touches your body six inches above your navel 5 Fall Let yourself drop forward hard and fast onto the object This movement should force the air up your windpipe and eject the item that is blocking your airway Place your arms around the dog's waist below the last rib and compress the stomach WARNING! An unconscious dog may sill bite reflexively. Be careful when sweeping the mouth. When jarring the obstruction free by striking the dog, do not hit him so hard as to injure him. choking 69 How To TREAT SUNBURN 1 Remove the clothing around the affected area. Do not apply any suntan lotion to the burn. Clothing irritates the skin, and the lotion will only prevent the skin from getting much-needed exposure to the cool- How To DEAL WITH INSOMNIA ing air Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. Stretch or do light exercise an hour before 2 Put a cool compress on the sunburn Soak your shirt or another available cloth in cold water and apply it to the affected area. If the burn is especially bad, wrap the shirt around an ice pack and use it as a compress bed. A gentle workout relaxes muscle tension Take a warm bath. A bedsheet s0aked in ice water is also effective if the burn area is very large Eat a bedtime snack. Drink warm milk or herbal tea. 3 Drink three to six ounces of water. Cover illuminated clocks Drinking water will prevent dehydration and help the skin by promoting sweating. to cool Lie on your back, rub your stomach, flex your to es. 4 Apply a soothing gel or ointment to the sunburn. Aloe lotion is ideal. You can refrigerate it first so that it feels cool to the skin Think pleasant thoughts. oCount sheep. 5 Take a pain pill and lie still Ibuprofen will1 help alleviate the pain around the sunburn Lie in a position that exposes the affected area to the air 6 Seek medical attention if your symptoms are serious Dizziness, sensitivity to light, quick pulse or rapid breath ing, clammy skin, rash, fever, chills, and nausea are all symptoms that could point to something sunburn. If you experience these symptoms, call a doctor How to Cure Hiccups worse than a ild WARNING! Always higher. Apply it approximately three minutes before going out into the sun. use sunscreen with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 15 or NAvoid exposure in the late morning and early afternoon, when the sun is at its hottest. Bear in mind that the rays of the sun are stronger near the equator and at high altitudes. Lengthy exposure to the sun can cause not only sunburn but also heat exhaustion, a fairly mild illness. More serious is heatstroke, which can be fatal. Symptoms of both conditions include fever and sweating, but mental confusion is a sign that the heat exhaustion has progressed to heatstroke NA new layer of skin will replace the sunburned skin in as little as two days or as long the burn Fill a tall glass with water front of you, lean forward over the glass mouth is on the rim farthest away from you. Tilt Holding the glass in so that your as two weeks, depending upon the severity of the glass so that the bottom moves toward you and the top away from you; drink the water as it moves toward the front of the glass ailments 51 awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Bad, Cats, and Doctor: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 New Aad
 Cl Ad
 F Sn
 Epem
 MAN
 SKILLS
 By Joshua Pives, Dvid Bergenich
 &Ben H. Wioiss
 THE COAIPLETE

 How To GIVE A DoG THE
 How to Perform the Heimlich
 HEIMLICH MANEUVER
 Maneuver on Your Cat
 1 Check for throat obstructions
 Open the dog's mouth and inspect the back of the throat,
 looking for the object causing the obstruction. If you see
 it, carefully
 tongue forward for a better view
 Kneel and hold the cat
 in front of you, close
 to your chest. Place
 one forearm under the
 remove it. If the dog is unconscious, pull the
 cat's front legs and
 hold him up and out-
 stretched, facing away
 2 Shake the obstruction free
 If the dog is smal, pick him up and hold him by the hips
 with his head hanging down. For larger dogs, hold the hind
 legs
 from you. Place the
 fist of your other hand
 just below the bottom
 so that the head hangs down. If this fails to dislodge the
 obstruction, place the dog back on the ground and proceed
 the next step.
 to
 rib. Give two or three
 3 Place your arms around the dog's waist.
 With the dog standing
 together around the stomach, placing them just below the
 last rib
 quick, firm pushes
 inward to force the air
 lying down, clasp your hands
 or
 out of the lungs and
 dislodge the object
 4 Compress the stomach
 Push up five times rapidly
 How To SAVE YOURSELF
 5 Check for an obstruction
 Sweep the dog's mouth with your fingers to see if the object
 dislodged
 FROM CHOKING
 was
 1 Try to talk.
 you can talk or are able to vocalize in any way, or if you
 make a sound when coughing, your airway is not completely
 blocked and you are not in imminent danger of death. Keep
 coughing to dislo dge the stuck material. If you cannot
 make any sounds, you will need to perform the one-person
 Heimlich maneuver
 6 Repeat.
 If the object has not come free, strike the dog firmly
 If
 between the shoulder blades with the flat side of one
 hand, and then do another five abdominal compressions
 Alternate the back-slapping and compressions until the
 object is knocked free
 2 Quickly locate a blunt object at waist level.
 If you are indoors, find a chair, table, counter, or other
 piece of furniture; if you are outside, look for a tall tree
 stump, fence, ledge, or large rock
 3 Face the object.
 4 Bend over the object.
 Lean so that the object touches your body six inches above
 your navel
 5 Fall
 Let yourself drop forward hard and fast onto the object
 This movement should force the air up your windpipe and
 eject the item that is blocking your airway
 Place your arms around the dog's waist below
 the last rib and compress the stomach
 WARNING!
 An unconscious dog may sill bite reflexively. Be careful when
 sweeping the mouth. When jarring the obstruction free by striking
 the dog, do not hit him so hard as to injure him.
 choking 69

 How To TREAT SUNBURN
 1 Remove the clothing around the affected area. Do not
 apply any suntan lotion to the burn.
 Clothing irritates the skin, and the lotion will only prevent
 the skin from getting much-needed exposure to the cool-
 How To DEAL WITH
 INSOMNIA
 ing air
 Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.
 Stretch or do light exercise an hour before
 2 Put a cool compress
 on the sunburn
 Soak your shirt or another available cloth in cold water and
 apply it to the affected area. If the burn is especially bad,
 wrap the shirt around an ice pack and use it as a compress
 bed.
 A gentle workout relaxes muscle tension
 Take a warm bath.
 A bedsheet s0aked in ice water is also effective if the burn
 area is very large
 Eat a bedtime snack.
 Drink warm milk or herbal tea.
 3 Drink three to six ounces of water.
 Cover illuminated clocks
 Drinking water will prevent dehydration and help
 the skin by promoting sweating.
 to cool
 Lie on your back, rub your stomach, flex your
 to es.
 4 Apply a soothing gel or ointment to the sunburn.
 Aloe lotion is ideal. You can refrigerate it first so that it
 feels cool to the skin
 Think pleasant thoughts.
 oCount sheep.
 5 Take a pain pill and lie still
 Ibuprofen will1 help alleviate the pain around the sunburn
 Lie in a position that exposes the affected area to the air
 6 Seek medical attention if your symptoms are serious
 Dizziness, sensitivity to light, quick pulse or rapid breath
 ing, clammy skin, rash, fever, chills, and nausea are all
 symptoms that could point to something
 sunburn. If you experience these symptoms, call a doctor
 How to Cure Hiccups
 worse than a ild
 WARNING!
 Always
 higher. Apply it approximately three minutes before going out into
 the sun.
 use sunscreen with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 15 or
 NAvoid exposure in the late morning and early afternoon, when
 the sun is at its hottest. Bear in mind that the rays of the sun are
 stronger near the equator and at high altitudes.
 Lengthy exposure to the sun can cause not only sunburn but also
 heat exhaustion, a fairly mild illness. More serious is heatstroke,
 which can be fatal. Symptoms of both conditions include fever and
 sweating, but mental confusion is a sign that the heat exhaustion
 has progressed to heatstroke
 NA new layer of skin will replace the sunburned skin in as little as
 two days or as long
 the burn
 Fill a tall glass with water
 front of you, lean forward over the glass
 mouth is on the rim farthest away from you. Tilt
 Holding the glass in
 so that your
 as two weeks, depending upon the severity of
 the glass so that the bottom moves toward you and
 the top away from you; drink the water as it moves
 toward the front of the glass
 ailments 51
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Bad, Cats, and Doctor: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook New Aad Cl Ad F Sn Epem MAN SKILLS By Joshua Pives, Dvid Bergenich &Ben H. Wioiss THE COAIPLETE How To GIVE A DoG THE How to Perform the Heimlich HEIMLICH MANEUVER Maneuver on Your Cat 1 Check for throat obstructions Open the dog's mouth and inspect the back of the throat, looking for the object causing the obstruction. If you see it, carefully tongue forward for a better view Kneel and hold the cat in front of you, close to your chest. Place one forearm under the remove it. If the dog is unconscious, pull the cat's front legs and hold him up and out- stretched, facing away 2 Shake the obstruction free If the dog is smal, pick him up and hold him by the hips with his head hanging down. For larger dogs, hold the hind legs from you. Place the fist of your other hand just below the bottom so that the head hangs down. If this fails to dislodge the obstruction, place the dog back on the ground and proceed the next step. to rib. Give two or three 3 Place your arms around the dog's waist. With the dog standing together around the stomach, placing them just below the last rib quick, firm pushes inward to force the air lying down, clasp your hands or out of the lungs and dislodge the object 4 Compress the stomach Push up five times rapidly How To SAVE YOURSELF 5 Check for an obstruction Sweep the dog's mouth with your fingers to see if the object dislodged FROM CHOKING was 1 Try to talk. you can talk or are able to vocalize in any way, or if you make a sound when coughing, your airway is not completely blocked and you are not in imminent danger of death. Keep coughing to dislo dge the stuck material. If you cannot make any sounds, you will need to perform the one-person Heimlich maneuver 6 Repeat. If the object has not come free, strike the dog firmly If between the shoulder blades with the flat side of one hand, and then do another five abdominal compressions Alternate the back-slapping and compressions until the object is knocked free 2 Quickly locate a blunt object at waist level. If you are indoors, find a chair, table, counter, or other piece of furniture; if you are outside, look for a tall tree stump, fence, ledge, or large rock 3 Face the object. 4 Bend over the object. Lean so that the object touches your body six inches above your navel 5 Fall Let yourself drop forward hard and fast onto the object This movement should force the air up your windpipe and eject the item that is blocking your airway Place your arms around the dog's waist below the last rib and compress the stomach WARNING! An unconscious dog may sill bite reflexively. Be careful when sweeping the mouth. When jarring the obstruction free by striking the dog, do not hit him so hard as to injure him. choking 69 How To TREAT SUNBURN 1 Remove the clothing around the affected area. Do not apply any suntan lotion to the burn. Clothing irritates the skin, and the lotion will only prevent the skin from getting much-needed exposure to the cool- How To DEAL WITH INSOMNIA ing air Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. Stretch or do light exercise an hour before 2 Put a cool compress on the sunburn Soak your shirt or another available cloth in cold water and apply it to the affected area. If the burn is especially bad, wrap the shirt around an ice pack and use it as a compress bed. A gentle workout relaxes muscle tension Take a warm bath. A bedsheet s0aked in ice water is also effective if the burn area is very large Eat a bedtime snack. Drink warm milk or herbal tea. 3 Drink three to six ounces of water. Cover illuminated clocks Drinking water will prevent dehydration and help the skin by promoting sweating. to cool Lie on your back, rub your stomach, flex your to es. 4 Apply a soothing gel or ointment to the sunburn. Aloe lotion is ideal. You can refrigerate it first so that it feels cool to the skin Think pleasant thoughts. oCount sheep. 5 Take a pain pill and lie still Ibuprofen will1 help alleviate the pain around the sunburn Lie in a position that exposes the affected area to the air 6 Seek medical attention if your symptoms are serious Dizziness, sensitivity to light, quick pulse or rapid breath ing, clammy skin, rash, fever, chills, and nausea are all symptoms that could point to something sunburn. If you experience these symptoms, call a doctor How to Cure Hiccups worse than a ild WARNING! Always higher. Apply it approximately three minutes before going out into the sun. use sunscreen with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 15 or NAvoid exposure in the late morning and early afternoon, when the sun is at its hottest. Bear in mind that the rays of the sun are stronger near the equator and at high altitudes. Lengthy exposure to the sun can cause not only sunburn but also heat exhaustion, a fairly mild illness. More serious is heatstroke, which can be fatal. Symptoms of both conditions include fever and sweating, but mental confusion is a sign that the heat exhaustion has progressed to heatstroke NA new layer of skin will replace the sunburned skin in as little as two days or as long the burn Fill a tall glass with water front of you, lean forward over the glass mouth is on the rim farthest away from you. Tilt Holding the glass in so that your as two weeks, depending upon the severity of the glass so that the bottom moves toward you and the top away from you; drink the water as it moves toward the front of the glass ailments 51 awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Bad, Cats, and Doctor: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 New Aad
 Cl Ad
 F Sn
 Epem
 MAN
 SKILLS
 By Joshua Pives, Dvid Bergenich
 &Ben H. Wioiss
 THE COAIPLETE

 How To GIVE A DoG THE
 How to Perform the Heimlich
 HEIMLICH MANEUVER
 Maneuver on Your Cat
 1 Check for throat obstructions
 Open the dog's mouth and inspect the back of the throat,
 looking for the object causing the obstruction. If you see
 it, carefully
 tongue forward for a better view
 Kneel and hold the cat
 in front of you, close
 to your chest. Place
 one forearm under the
 remove it. If the dog is unconscious, pull the
 cat's front legs and
 hold him up and out-
 stretched, facing away
 2 Shake the obstruction free
 If the dog is smal, pick him up and hold him by the hips
 with his head hanging down. For larger dogs, hold the hind
 legs
 from you. Place the
 fist of your other hand
 just below the bottom
 so that the head hangs down. If this fails to dislodge the
 obstruction, place the dog back on the ground and proceed
 the next step.
 to
 rib. Give two or three
 3 Place your arms around the dog's waist.
 With the dog standing
 together around the stomach, placing them just below the
 last rib
 quick, firm pushes
 inward to force the air
 lying down, clasp your hands
 or
 out of the lungs and
 dislodge the object
 4 Compress the stomach
 Push up five times rapidly
 How To SAVE YOURSELF
 5 Check for an obstruction
 Sweep the dog's mouth with your fingers to see if the object
 dislodged
 FROM CHOKING
 was
 1 Try to talk.
 you can talk or are able to vocalize in any way, or if you
 make a sound when coughing, your airway is not completely
 blocked and you are not in imminent danger of death. Keep
 coughing to dislo dge the stuck material. If you cannot
 make any sounds, you will need to perform the one-person
 Heimlich maneuver
 6 Repeat.
 If the object has not come free, strike the dog firmly
 If
 between the shoulder blades with the flat side of one
 hand, and then do another five abdominal compressions
 Alternate the back-slapping and compressions until the
 object is knocked free
 2 Quickly locate a blunt object at waist level.
 If you are indoors, find a chair, table, counter, or other
 piece of furniture; if you are outside, look for a tall tree
 stump, fence, ledge, or large rock
 3 Face the object.
 4 Bend over the object.
 Lean so that the object touches your body six inches above
 your navel
 5 Fall
 Let yourself drop forward hard and fast onto the object
 This movement should force the air up your windpipe and
 eject the item that is blocking your airway
 Place your arms around the dog's waist below
 the last rib and compress the stomach
 WARNING!
 An unconscious dog may sill bite reflexively. Be careful when
 sweeping the mouth. When jarring the obstruction free by striking
 the dog, do not hit him so hard as to injure him.
 choking 69

 How To TREAT SUNBURN
 1 Remove the clothing around the affected area. Do not
 apply any suntan lotion to the burn.
 Clothing irritates the skin, and the lotion will only prevent
 the skin from getting much-needed exposure to the cool-
 How To DEAL WITH
 INSOMNIA
 ing air
 Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.
 Stretch or do light exercise an hour before
 2 Put a cool compress
 on the sunburn
 Soak your shirt or another available cloth in cold water and
 apply it to the affected area. If the burn is especially bad,
 wrap the shirt around an ice pack and use it as a compress
 bed.
 A gentle workout relaxes muscle tension
 Take a warm bath.
 A bedsheet s0aked in ice water is also effective if the burn
 area is very large
 Eat a bedtime snack.
 Drink warm milk or herbal tea.
 3 Drink three to six ounces of water.
 Cover illuminated clocks
 Drinking water will prevent dehydration and help
 the skin by promoting sweating.
 to cool
 Lie on your back, rub your stomach, flex your
 to es.
 4 Apply a soothing gel or ointment to the sunburn.
 Aloe lotion is ideal. You can refrigerate it first so that it
 feels cool to the skin
 Think pleasant thoughts.
 oCount sheep.
 5 Take a pain pill and lie still
 Ibuprofen will1 help alleviate the pain around the sunburn
 Lie in a position that exposes the affected area to the air
 6 Seek medical attention if your symptoms are serious
 Dizziness, sensitivity to light, quick pulse or rapid breath
 ing, clammy skin, rash, fever, chills, and nausea are all
 symptoms that could point to something
 sunburn. If you experience these symptoms, call a doctor
 How to Cure Hiccups
 worse than a ild
 WARNING!
 Always
 higher. Apply it approximately three minutes before going out into
 the sun.
 use sunscreen with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 15 or
 NAvoid exposure in the late morning and early afternoon, when
 the sun is at its hottest. Bear in mind that the rays of the sun are
 stronger near the equator and at high altitudes.
 Lengthy exposure to the sun can cause not only sunburn but also
 heat exhaustion, a fairly mild illness. More serious is heatstroke,
 which can be fatal. Symptoms of both conditions include fever and
 sweating, but mental confusion is a sign that the heat exhaustion
 has progressed to heatstroke
 NA new layer of skin will replace the sunburned skin in as little as
 two days or as long
 the burn
 Fill a tall glass with water
 front of you, lean forward over the glass
 mouth is on the rim farthest away from you. Tilt
 Holding the glass in
 so that your
 as two weeks, depending upon the severity of
 the glass so that the bottom moves toward you and
 the top away from you; drink the water as it moves
 toward the front of the glass
 ailments 51
awesomage:



The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Bad, Cats, and Doctor: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook New Aad Cl Ad F Sn Epem MAN SKILLS By Joshua Pives, Dvid Bergenich &Ben H. Wioiss THE COAIPLETE How To GIVE A DoG THE How to Perform the Heimlich HEIMLICH MANEUVER Maneuver on Your Cat 1 Check for throat obstructions Open the dog's mouth and inspect the back of the throat, looking for the object causing the obstruction. If you see it, carefully tongue forward for a better view Kneel and hold the cat in front of you, close to your chest. Place one forearm under the remove it. If the dog is unconscious, pull the cat's front legs and hold him up and out- stretched, facing away 2 Shake the obstruction free If the dog is smal, pick him up and hold him by the hips with his head hanging down. For larger dogs, hold the hind legs from you. Place the fist of your other hand just below the bottom so that the head hangs down. If this fails to dislodge the obstruction, place the dog back on the ground and proceed the next step. to rib. Give two or three 3 Place your arms around the dog's waist. With the dog standing together around the stomach, placing them just below the last rib quick, firm pushes inward to force the air lying down, clasp your hands or out of the lungs and dislodge the object 4 Compress the stomach Push up five times rapidly How To SAVE YOURSELF 5 Check for an obstruction Sweep the dog's mouth with your fingers to see if the object dislodged FROM CHOKING was 1 Try to talk. you can talk or are able to vocalize in any way, or if you make a sound when coughing, your airway is not completely blocked and you are not in imminent danger of death. Keep coughing to dislo dge the stuck material. If you cannot make any sounds, you will need to perform the one-person Heimlich maneuver 6 Repeat. If the object has not come free, strike the dog firmly If between the shoulder blades with the flat side of one hand, and then do another five abdominal compressions Alternate the back-slapping and compressions until the object is knocked free 2 Quickly locate a blunt object at waist level. If you are indoors, find a chair, table, counter, or other piece of furniture; if you are outside, look for a tall tree stump, fence, ledge, or large rock 3 Face the object. 4 Bend over the object. Lean so that the object touches your body six inches above your navel 5 Fall Let yourself drop forward hard and fast onto the object This movement should force the air up your windpipe and eject the item that is blocking your airway Place your arms around the dog's waist below the last rib and compress the stomach WARNING! An unconscious dog may sill bite reflexively. Be careful when sweeping the mouth. When jarring the obstruction free by striking the dog, do not hit him so hard as to injure him. choking 69 How To TREAT SUNBURN 1 Remove the clothing around the affected area. Do not apply any suntan lotion to the burn. Clothing irritates the skin, and the lotion will only prevent the skin from getting much-needed exposure to the cool- How To DEAL WITH INSOMNIA ing air Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. Stretch or do light exercise an hour before 2 Put a cool compress on the sunburn Soak your shirt or another available cloth in cold water and apply it to the affected area. If the burn is especially bad, wrap the shirt around an ice pack and use it as a compress bed. A gentle workout relaxes muscle tension Take a warm bath. A bedsheet s0aked in ice water is also effective if the burn area is very large Eat a bedtime snack. Drink warm milk or herbal tea. 3 Drink three to six ounces of water. Cover illuminated clocks Drinking water will prevent dehydration and help the skin by promoting sweating. to cool Lie on your back, rub your stomach, flex your to es. 4 Apply a soothing gel or ointment to the sunburn. Aloe lotion is ideal. You can refrigerate it first so that it feels cool to the skin Think pleasant thoughts. oCount sheep. 5 Take a pain pill and lie still Ibuprofen will1 help alleviate the pain around the sunburn Lie in a position that exposes the affected area to the air 6 Seek medical attention if your symptoms are serious Dizziness, sensitivity to light, quick pulse or rapid breath ing, clammy skin, rash, fever, chills, and nausea are all symptoms that could point to something sunburn. If you experience these symptoms, call a doctor How to Cure Hiccups worse than a ild WARNING! Always higher. Apply it approximately three minutes before going out into the sun. use sunscreen with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 15 or NAvoid exposure in the late morning and early afternoon, when the sun is at its hottest. Bear in mind that the rays of the sun are stronger near the equator and at high altitudes. Lengthy exposure to the sun can cause not only sunburn but also heat exhaustion, a fairly mild illness. More serious is heatstroke, which can be fatal. Symptoms of both conditions include fever and sweating, but mental confusion is a sign that the heat exhaustion has progressed to heatstroke NA new layer of skin will replace the sunburned skin in as little as two days or as long the burn Fill a tall glass with water front of you, lean forward over the glass mouth is on the rim farthest away from you. Tilt Holding the glass in so that your as two weeks, depending upon the severity of the glass so that the bottom moves toward you and the top away from you; drink the water as it moves toward the front of the glass ailments 51 awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Bad, Cats, and Doctor: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 New Aad
 Cl Ad
 F Sn
 Epem
 MAN
 SKILLS
 By Joshua Pives, Dvid Bergenich
 &Ben H. Wioiss
 THE COAIPLETE

 How To GIVE A DoG THE
 How to Perform the Heimlich
 HEIMLICH MANEUVER
 Maneuver on Your Cat
 1 Check for throat obstructions
 Open the dog's mouth and inspect the back of the throat,
 looking for the object causing the obstruction. If you see
 it, carefully
 tongue forward for a better view
 Kneel and hold the cat
 in front of you, close
 to your chest. Place
 one forearm under the
 remove it. If the dog is unconscious, pull the
 cat's front legs and
 hold him up and out-
 stretched, facing away
 2 Shake the obstruction free
 If the dog is smal, pick him up and hold him by the hips
 with his head hanging down. For larger dogs, hold the hind
 legs
 from you. Place the
 fist of your other hand
 just below the bottom
 so that the head hangs down. If this fails to dislodge the
 obstruction, place the dog back on the ground and proceed
 the next step.
 to
 rib. Give two or three
 3 Place your arms around the dog's waist.
 With the dog standing
 together around the stomach, placing them just below the
 last rib
 quick, firm pushes
 inward to force the air
 lying down, clasp your hands
 or
 out of the lungs and
 dislodge the object
 4 Compress the stomach
 Push up five times rapidly
 How To SAVE YOURSELF
 5 Check for an obstruction
 Sweep the dog's mouth with your fingers to see if the object
 dislodged
 FROM CHOKING
 was
 1 Try to talk.
 you can talk or are able to vocalize in any way, or if you
 make a sound when coughing, your airway is not completely
 blocked and you are not in imminent danger of death. Keep
 coughing to dislo dge the stuck material. If you cannot
 make any sounds, you will need to perform the one-person
 Heimlich maneuver
 6 Repeat.
 If the object has not come free, strike the dog firmly
 If
 between the shoulder blades with the flat side of one
 hand, and then do another five abdominal compressions
 Alternate the back-slapping and compressions until the
 object is knocked free
 2 Quickly locate a blunt object at waist level.
 If you are indoors, find a chair, table, counter, or other
 piece of furniture; if you are outside, look for a tall tree
 stump, fence, ledge, or large rock
 3 Face the object.
 4 Bend over the object.
 Lean so that the object touches your body six inches above
 your navel
 5 Fall
 Let yourself drop forward hard and fast onto the object
 This movement should force the air up your windpipe and
 eject the item that is blocking your airway
 Place your arms around the dog's waist below
 the last rib and compress the stomach
 WARNING!
 An unconscious dog may sill bite reflexively. Be careful when
 sweeping the mouth. When jarring the obstruction free by striking
 the dog, do not hit him so hard as to injure him.
 choking 69

 How To TREAT SUNBURN
 1 Remove the clothing around the affected area. Do not
 apply any suntan lotion to the burn.
 Clothing irritates the skin, and the lotion will only prevent
 the skin from getting much-needed exposure to the cool-
 How To DEAL WITH
 INSOMNIA
 ing air
 Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.
 Stretch or do light exercise an hour before
 2 Put a cool compress
 on the sunburn
 Soak your shirt or another available cloth in cold water and
 apply it to the affected area. If the burn is especially bad,
 wrap the shirt around an ice pack and use it as a compress
 bed.
 A gentle workout relaxes muscle tension
 Take a warm bath.
 A bedsheet s0aked in ice water is also effective if the burn
 area is very large
 Eat a bedtime snack.
 Drink warm milk or herbal tea.
 3 Drink three to six ounces of water.
 Cover illuminated clocks
 Drinking water will prevent dehydration and help
 the skin by promoting sweating.
 to cool
 Lie on your back, rub your stomach, flex your
 to es.
 4 Apply a soothing gel or ointment to the sunburn.
 Aloe lotion is ideal. You can refrigerate it first so that it
 feels cool to the skin
 Think pleasant thoughts.
 oCount sheep.
 5 Take a pain pill and lie still
 Ibuprofen will1 help alleviate the pain around the sunburn
 Lie in a position that exposes the affected area to the air
 6 Seek medical attention if your symptoms are serious
 Dizziness, sensitivity to light, quick pulse or rapid breath
 ing, clammy skin, rash, fever, chills, and nausea are all
 symptoms that could point to something
 sunburn. If you experience these symptoms, call a doctor
 How to Cure Hiccups
 worse than a ild
 WARNING!
 Always
 higher. Apply it approximately three minutes before going out into
 the sun.
 use sunscreen with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 15 or
 NAvoid exposure in the late morning and early afternoon, when
 the sun is at its hottest. Bear in mind that the rays of the sun are
 stronger near the equator and at high altitudes.
 Lengthy exposure to the sun can cause not only sunburn but also
 heat exhaustion, a fairly mild illness. More serious is heatstroke,
 which can be fatal. Symptoms of both conditions include fever and
 sweating, but mental confusion is a sign that the heat exhaustion
 has progressed to heatstroke
 NA new layer of skin will replace the sunburned skin in as little as
 two days or as long
 the burn
 Fill a tall glass with water
 front of you, lean forward over the glass
 mouth is on the rim farthest away from you. Tilt
 Holding the glass in
 so that your
 as two weeks, depending upon the severity of
 the glass so that the bottom moves toward you and
 the top away from you; drink the water as it moves
 toward the front of the glass
 ailments 51
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills