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Apparently, Crime, and Dating: writing-prompt-s A dating service where matching is based people's search history exists. You're a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer. endreams-s Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it? Writer: Air shot between the toes, it'll look like a heart attack. Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok fangoddess817 Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks December C) Baby infinityonthot A++ addition tetsuskitten Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they're writing* babe, i'm not sure if this would actually work? Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you're doing great tigerliliesandcherryblossoms I LOVE THIS vmohlere Oh no, murder comedy is my jam laziestofthedreamers I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It'd be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they're a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it's completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work. Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it's a big hit. Enough so that detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there's something to the theory, but it's all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author's home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don't seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that's it. Most they do is leave for groceries. So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he'll FINALLY have proof. annieutimagines Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. "You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer." Serial killer breaths in. "Look-" I love this so much
Apparently, Crime, and Dating: writing-prompt-s
 A dating service where matching is based
 people's search history exists. You're a serial killer.
 You go on a date with a writer.
 endreams-s
 Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill
 someone, how would you do it?
 Writer: Air shot between the toes, it'll look like a
 heart attack.
 Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks
 in a breath* ok
 fangoddess817
 Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to
 potentially stab someone in the guts
 Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
 Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
 December C) Baby
 infinityonthot
 A++ addition
 tetsuskitten
 Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene
 they're writing* babe, i'm not sure if this would
 actually work?
 Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and
 leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood
 coming off them* it works baby, you're doing great
 tigerliliesandcherryblossoms
 I LOVE THIS
 vmohlere
 Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
 laziestofthedreamers
 I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does
 the author know? Like are they aware that their
 significant other is a serial killer or do they just think
 that they have a morbid sense of humor? It'd be
 even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like
 how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly
 gullible, and on top of it they're a horror or crime
 novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop
 or something so it's completely normal for them to
 come home smelling like blood, no murders going on
 here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home
 from a long day at work.
 Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed
 to get their first book published, with loving support
 from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all
 the murder scenes, and it's a big hit. Enough so that
 detective with the local police department has
 noticed some disturbing similarities to several active
 cases, including details that were never released to
 the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior
 and convinces him that there's something to the
 theory, but it's all circumstantial right now. He stakes
 out the author's home and is super convinced that
 the author is the murderer, but they don't seem to do
 anything??? Like they literally are at the house all
 day, that's it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
 So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the
 author for creative murder schemes, the author
 being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and
 finally the detective who is just so sure that the
 author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long
 enough he'll FINALLY have proof.
 annieutimagines
 Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go
 out so it gets sub what personal.
 "You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a
 serial killer."
 Serial killer breaths in. "Look-"
I love this so much

I love this so much

Apparently, Crime, and Dating: writing-prompt-s A dating service where matching is based on people's search history exists. You're a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer. endreams-s Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it? Writer: Air shot between the toes, it'll look like a heart attack Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: "sucks in a breath ok fangoddess817 Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes Writer, already bringing a ring out: "shaking thanks infinityonthot A++ addition tetsuskitten Writer: "shows the serial killer the murder scene they're writing actually work? babe, i'm not sure if this would Serial killer: "kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you're doing great tigerliliesandcherryblossoms ILOVE THIS vmohlere Oh no, murder comedy is my jam laziestofthedreamers Ilove this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It'd be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gulible, and on top of it they're a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it's completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work. Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it's a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there's something to the theory, but it's all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author's home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don't seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that's it. Most they do is leave for groceries. So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he'll FINALLY have proof. annieutimagines Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. "You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer." Serial killer breaths in. "Look-" ladyhavilliard ..perfect theskystealerthebookthief I need 4 seasons and a movie on this I would watch the hell out of this
Apparently, Crime, and Dating: writing-prompt-s
 A dating service where matching is based on
 people's search history exists. You're a serial killer.
 You go on a date with a writer.
 endreams-s
 Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill
 someone, how would you do it?
 Writer: Air shot between the toes, it'll look like a heart
 attack
 Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: "sucks in
 a breath ok
 fangoddess817
 Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to
 potentially stab someone in the guts
 Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
 Writer, already bringing a ring out: "shaking thanks
 infinityonthot
 A++ addition
 tetsuskitten
 Writer: "shows the serial killer the murder scene
 they're writing
 actually work?
 babe, i'm not sure if this would
 Serial killer: "kisses writer on the forehead and
 leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood
 coming off them* it works baby, you're doing great
 tigerliliesandcherryblossoms
 ILOVE THIS
 vmohlere
 Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
 laziestofthedreamers
 Ilove this, I love all of this, but quick question, does
 the author know? Like are they aware that their
 significant other is a serial killer or do they just think
 that they have a morbid sense of humor? It'd be even
 funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how
 Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly
 gulible, and on top of it they're a horror or crime
 novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop
 or something so it's completely normal for them to
 come home smelling like blood, no murders going on
 here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home
 from a long day at work.
 Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed
 to get their first book published, with loving support
 from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all
 the murder scenes, and it's a big hit. Enough so that
 a detective with the local police department has
 noticed some disturbing similarities to several active
 cases, including details that were never released to
 the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior
 and convinces him that there's something to the
 theory, but it's all circumstantial right now. He stakes
 out the author's home and is super convinced that
 the author is the murderer, but they don't seem to do
 anything??? Like they literally are at the house all
 day, that's it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
 So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the
 author for creative murder schemes, the author
 being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and
 finally the detective who is just so sure that the
 author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long
 enough he'll FINALLY have proof.
 annieutimagines
 Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go
 out so it gets sub what personal.
 "You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a
 serial killer."
 Serial killer breaths in. "Look-"
 ladyhavilliard
 ..perfect
 theskystealerthebookthief
 I need 4 seasons and a movie on this
I would watch the hell out of this

I would watch the hell out of this

Drinking, Drunk, and Food: Jennifer Dziura I've responded to this elsewhere around the Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks are often intending to purchase a lowering of the woman's defenses. If you are a woman in a bar and a man offers to buy you a this: cheerfully ask for something nonalcoholic, while indicating get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will be angry. They weren't offering a gift or just trying to strike up conversation: they wanted you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In my own experience, I have twice been offered a drink and instead suggested food -- in both cases, very inexpensive food costing the same or less than a drink drink, try willingness to a and in both -- cases, the man responded angrily. 2 minutes ago Like Reply Jennifer Dziura In one case, I met a guy at a concert.I liked him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I was starving and suggested the kebab place around the corner. I can't remember who paid, but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy pouted and I never saw him again. The other time, I had done standup in a bar and an older guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually would love some popcorn, which was sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry and acted like I had cheated him somehow. being greek-god-of-hair: erwin-with-hairpins: rainfelt: cardozzza: notyourexrotic: (source) Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious Scary, scary. Gonna add on to this:From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So: Tips for getting drinks- 1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser. 2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time. 3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol: Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail: X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state. Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%. Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%. Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21% Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%. Hope this helps someone out! Backing this up from years of bar tending.
Drinking, Drunk, and Food: Jennifer Dziura
 I've responded to this elsewhere around the
 Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks
 are often intending to purchase a lowering of
 the woman's defenses. If you are a woman in
 a bar and a man offers to buy you a
 this: cheerfully ask for something
 nonalcoholic, while indicating
 get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will
 be angry. They weren't offering a gift or just
 trying to strike up conversation: they wanted
 you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In
 my own experience, I have twice been offered
 a drink and instead suggested food -- in both
 cases, very inexpensive food costing the
 same or less than a drink
 drink, try
 willingness to
 a
 and in both
 --
 cases, the man responded angrily.
 2 minutes ago Like Reply
 Jennifer Dziura
 In one case, I met a guy at a concert.I liked
 him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I
 was starving and suggested the kebab place
 around the corner. I can't remember who paid,
 but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy
 pouted and I never saw him again. The other
 time, I had done standup in a bar and an older
 guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually
 would love some popcorn, which was
 sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry
 and acted like I had cheated him somehow.
 being
greek-god-of-hair:


erwin-with-hairpins:

rainfelt:

cardozzza:

notyourexrotic:

(source)

Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious

Scary, scary.


Gonna add on to this:From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser. 
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!


Backing this up from years of bar tending.

greek-god-of-hair: erwin-with-hairpins: rainfelt: cardozzza: notyourexrotic: (source) Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberat...

Bad, Cookies, and Dad: Godzilla Tag Yourself That Ain't Falco Didn't forget what you did -Best in track -Is there Grumpy Cat Butterfly I say your justice qoes too far! -Sometimes smol Good dad r you but Badderfly justice doesn't go you mock in -drives environmentally -Good Babysitter -Is on your side Einstein -Wants everyone to be friends middle school too far enough! friendly car Can count how many -Wasn't invited -Screams moth friend wants to be helpful are about fensive on one hand. -Kinda Selish -Needs to slow down Boba Fett Didn't do much Kanga-Rex Palpatine Kamacurry -Mob mentality -Always blends in -Tries st kicks uly Talks big game Itsy Bitsy -loved by all -Great at extreme sports Doeshtgive a hood Moral Support -Awesome -Kinda overrated -Only one who sees the big picture -Stunt double ary aks big Cam Might not even be real Has the laugh that gets everyone going -Secretly a toad pams twitch chat school -Makes a egg casserole Literal grime Savage even when not trying -Used to be a big deal -Don't disturb -Got big plans SPAAACE Monty Mole r but doesn't rare Is just here to raise the roof. Mecha Ghidio u but smarter -Sophisticated horoscope reader -Probably had too much coffee-Just wants to rule the world -Back by unpopular demand Little Shop of Horrors -Who are you? I'm you but less privileged -Has taken up a new leaf handlla s but thinks he could -Knows there isn't a spoon. All according to plan -Won't leave his couch fort a trench coat a pokemon Sill is hut can't kiss Is probably only good because it benefits him -ls in a bad mood and fixing to take it out on you -ls so done all the timeA Frieza Switches to vour main after beating you in smash bros -Looks up to Jason Voorhees s hetter than Knows it Lovebirds -Brings a tactical warhead on first date -cocky teens Lil Green -Awkward phase Diggersby -smoler -picks on things more e True Armadillo Facts Red Lobster Mis Ghidio the downtrodder -Good with electronics Hates spicy foods -Good guard dog -Came to attack people and is having a good time l -pure -Didn't ask for this small than him -Didn't deserve any of this -Except for that one time -Surprisingly Reliable T peo -Notorious party crasher -Easy Target ple's hero -Won't die -has regrets -Came for f T -esteem F-Type Master Splinter Titanic Tuna Is with the wrong crowd nut learned ett tt in Megatron - Has no clue what you? I'm vou Robot Chicken of JUSTICE but shinier he's doing ececut bimself in -Lonely piggyback rides -Communicates -Doesn't know why he's here but is happy to help is head -Goodenforcer Hator mat woodshop Edgemeister anybody's way mbs ups Has the best pokerface-Will conquer the worldSneaks by auoting fortune cookies List of skills include bi best breaking things sily influenced Has 50 different Will wreck you in karaoke -Is there for you -Never not smiling -Good cop in to ways to kill you -big bro friend his tunes Fullmetal Kirby Flygon Grouchy Kitty -Who are you? not you, Who are you? I'm you but aping-Who are you? I'm a bug Who are you? The terminator have promising future Still voung at heart" -I don't have that. I need it.-Listens to Three Days Grace on full blast Still does? The queen imlot of crap for Insecure -Intentionally has dog poop your lawn Came to ruin everything Now brute forces everything -It's mine now eating habits -Identity crisis -Most expressive -ls a black belt Mayhe redeemable -Just wants to go on a family picnic .Drinks tears -killed a man plays a golden fiddle -beloved scum andrewtheamericandude: Some of these are stupid jokes that even I don’t get 
Bad, Cookies, and Dad: Godzilla Tag Yourself
 That Ain't Falco
 Didn't forget what you did -Best in track
 -Is there
 Grumpy Cat
 Butterfly
 I say your justice qoes too far!
 -Sometimes smol
 Good dad
 r you but
 Badderfly
 justice doesn't go
 you mock in
 -drives environmentally
 -Good Babysitter
 -Is on your side Einstein -Wants everyone to be friends
 middle school
 too far enough!
 friendly car
 Can count how many
 -Wasn't invited
 -Screams
 moth friend
 wants to be helpful
 are about
 fensive
 on one hand.
 -Kinda Selish
 -Needs to slow down
 Boba Fett
 Didn't do much
 Kanga-Rex
 Palpatine
 Kamacurry
 -Mob mentality
 -Always blends in
 -Tries
 st kicks
 uly
 Talks big game
 Itsy Bitsy
 -loved by all
 -Great at extreme sports Doeshtgive a hood
 Moral Support
 -Awesome
 -Kinda overrated
 -Only one who sees the
 big picture
 -Stunt double
 ary
 aks big Cam
 Might not even be real
 Has the laugh that
 gets everyone going
 -Secretly a toad
 pams twitch chat
 school
 -Makes a
 egg casserole
 Literal grime
 Savage even when
 not trying
 -Used to be a big deal
 -Don't disturb
 -Got big plans
 SPAAACE
 Monty Mole
 r but doesn't rare
 Is just here to raise the roof.
 Mecha Ghidio
 u but smarter
 -Sophisticated horoscope reader
 -Probably had too much coffee-Just wants to rule the world
 -Back by unpopular demand
 Little Shop of Horrors
 -Who are you? I'm you but
 less privileged
 -Has taken up a new leaf
 handlla s but thinks he could
 -Knows there isn't a spoon.
 All according to plan
 -Won't leave his couch fort
 a trench coat
 a pokemon
 Sill is hut can't kiss
 Is probably only good because it
 benefits him
 -ls in a bad mood and fixing
 to take it out on you
 -ls so done all the timeA
 Frieza
 Switches to vour main after
 beating you in smash bros
 -Looks up to Jason Voorhees
 s hetter than
 Knows it
 Lovebirds
 -Brings a tactical warhead on first date
 -cocky teens
 Lil Green
 -Awkward phase
 Diggersby
 -smoler
 -picks on things more
 e
 True Armadillo Facts
 Red Lobster
 Mis
 Ghidio
 the
 downtrodder
 -Good with electronics Hates spicy foods
 -Good guard dog
 -Came to attack people and is having a good time
 l
 -pure
 -Didn't ask for this
 small than him
 -Didn't deserve any of this
 -Except for that one time
 -Surprisingly Reliable
 T peo
 -Notorious party crasher
 -Easy Target
 ple's hero
 -Won't die
 -has regrets
 -Came for f
 T -esteem
 F-Type
 Master Splinter
 Titanic Tuna
 Is with the wrong crowd nut learned
 ett tt in
 Megatron
 - Has no clue what
 you? I'm vou
 Robot Chicken
 of JUSTICE
 but shinier
 he's doing
 ececut bimself in
 -Lonely
 piggyback rides
 -Communicates
 -Doesn't know why he's here
 but is happy to help
 is head
 -Goodenforcer
 Hator mat
 woodshop
 Edgemeister
 anybody's way
 mbs ups Has the best pokerface-Will conquer the worldSneaks by auoting fortune cookies
 List of skills include
 bi best
 breaking things
 sily influenced
 Has 50 different
 Will wreck you in karaoke
 -Is there for you
 -Never not smiling
 -Good cop
 in to
 ways to kill you
 -big bro friend
 his tunes
 Fullmetal
 Kirby
 Flygon
 Grouchy Kitty
 -Who are you?
 not you,
 Who are you? I'm you but aping-Who are you? I'm a bug
 Who are you? The terminator
 have promising future
 Still voung at heart"
 -I don't have that. I need it.-Listens to Three Days Grace
 on full blast
 Still does?
 The queen
 imlot of crap for Insecure
 -Intentionally has dog poop
 your lawn
 Came to ruin everything
 Now brute forces everything
 -It's mine now
 eating habits
 -Identity crisis
 -Most expressive
 -ls a black belt
 Mayhe redeemable
 -Just wants to go on a family picnic
 .Drinks tears
 -killed a man
 plays a golden fiddle
 -beloved scum
andrewtheamericandude:

Some of these are stupid jokes that even I don’t get 

andrewtheamericandude: Some of these are stupid jokes that even I don’t get