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Church, Fire, and Internet: DISORDERLY Oct. 1-A group of students playing hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center at 11 p.m. caused a faculty member to call the University Police. The police arrived but were not able to find any of the students. owl-librarian #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek deadmomjokes Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there's no way you're getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn't supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they'd seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I'm saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway. wearemage I mean thats some fine scenario material, isn't it? Refer to article Eldritch Locations and You for more information
Church, Fire, and Internet: DISORDERLY
 Oct. 1-A group of students
 playing hide and seek in the
 Harris Fine Arts Center at 11
 p.m. caused a faculty member
 to call the University Police.
 The police arrived but were
 not able to find any of the
 students.
 owl-librarian
 #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek
 deadmomjokes
 Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek
 in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders
 unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get
 down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could
 walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8
 times an hour, there's no way you're getting back out the same way you
 came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors
 descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the
 balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3
 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking
 wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal
 ladder that probably wasn't supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend
 came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some
 distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find
 us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost
 trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone
 the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody
 knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we
 were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been
 lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at
 church on Sunday it was probably like they'd seen a ghost. None of us
 ever mentioned it again.
 Basically what I'm saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in
 the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted
 a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran
 custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in
 the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway.
 wearemage
 I mean thats some fine scenario material, isn't it?
Refer to article Eldritch Locations and You for more information

Refer to article Eldritch Locations and You for more information

Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀

TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our...

Definitely, Future, and Gif: Unproblematic and nice account @LovableAndKind My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and.... Message Today 3:16 PM You are gorgeous Who is this? Your favorite oil change guy The guy from Jiffy Lube? Yes ma'am I couldn't help but to let you know So I feel like this is a teachable moment for you. While I know you were wanting to give me a compliment, it was completely unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a customer, you are a service provider, and there should be no communication between us outside of that unless I, the customer express interest. I am married, we discussed this when I was talking about my car maintenance, so it can be assumed that I am not interested in any compliments/advances from you When you contacted me, I felt a little panicked because you went back in my file and got my number... I have other personal information, like my address, saved there as well. It is a violation of my privacy for you to contact me from your personal phone with information that you got without my permission. And now I know that you are the type of person to go back in someone's file to find their personal information, what is to keep you from going back and getting my address? There are men who stalk rape, and murder women by getting their information this way. For this reason, I assume there is a Jiffy Lube company policy that you are to never contact a patron on your personal cell phone for personal reasons So now I am in this predicament. I can choose to ignore your violation of my privacy and go to another company to avoid awkward interactions in the future (even though this is the place that I've been going to consistently for the past several years). Or I can contact your company HR and report this incident. Generally I am not in the business of ruining someone's livelihood over something as simple as this, but it is very important to me that you understand why it was completely inappropriate for you to contact me, or any other woman, without explicit consent. Capiche? Sorry about that yes ma'am Oh, and you didn't tell me what the tire pressure was on the rear passenger tire like l asked, so you are definitely not even in my top five favorite oil change guys. mbaku-babygirl: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” She did that!!!!
Definitely, Future, and Gif: Unproblematic and nice account
 @LovableAndKind
 My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a
 jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone
 and....

 Message
 Today 3:16 PM
 You are gorgeous
 Who is this?
 Your favorite oil change guy
 The guy from Jiffy Lube?
 Yes ma'am
 I couldn't help but to let you know
 So I feel like this is a teachable
 moment for you. While I know you
 were wanting to give me a
 compliment, it was completely
 unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a

 customer, you are a service
 provider, and there should be no
 communication between us outside
 of that unless I, the customer
 express interest. I am married, we
 discussed this when I was talking
 about my car maintenance, so it can
 be assumed that I am not interested
 in any compliments/advances from
 you
 When you contacted me, I felt a
 little panicked because you went
 back in my file and got my number...
 I have other personal information,
 like my address, saved there as
 well. It is a violation of my privacy
 for you to contact me from your
 personal phone with information
 that you got without my permission.

 And now I know that you are the
 type of person to go back in
 someone's file to find their personal
 information, what is to keep you
 from going back and getting my
 address? There are men who stalk
 rape, and murder women by getting
 their information this way. For this
 reason, I assume there is a Jiffy
 Lube company policy that you are
 to never contact a patron on your
 personal cell phone for personal
 reasons
 So now I am in this predicament. I
 can choose to ignore your violation
 of my privacy and go to another
 company to avoid awkward
 interactions in the future (even
 though this is the place that I've

 been going to consistently for the
 past several years). Or I can contact
 your company HR and report this
 incident. Generally I am not in the
 business of ruining someone's
 livelihood over something as simple
 as this, but it is very important to
 me that you understand why it was
 completely inappropriate for you to
 contact me, or any other woman,
 without explicit consent. Capiche?
 Sorry about that yes ma'am
 Oh, and you didn't tell me what the
 tire pressure was on the rear
 passenger tire like l asked, so you
 are definitely not even in my top five
 favorite oil change guys.
mbaku-babygirl:
great-tweets:

“This is a teachable moment for you.”



She did that!!!!

mbaku-babygirl: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” She did that!!!!

Friends, God, and Oh My God: Jon Coopere @joncoopertweets Follow Trump is running television ads to ask people to call 800-350-6647 and press 1 to DEMAND that Pelosi and Schumer fund the wall. Buried at the end, the announcer says, "press 2 if you do NOT support funding the wall Friends, you know what to do. #NoWall 12:07 PM-17 Jan 2019 114 Retweets 120 Likes 24 tl 114 120 kevindrakewriter: nitramgniknilra: bogleech: systlin: m-is-for-mungo: calleo: Oh my god, the 50s TV announcer voice at that number… Also, it will say press 1 to support the wall, repeat that, make the sound a cell phone makes when a call has been disconnected if you don’t respond, and then say “Press 2 if you do not support the wall.” Did it to fact check, and it does in fact make the “end call” noise making you believe the call was done before you could press 2 to say you don’t support the wall. I’ve done this four times today.  okay but does pressing 2 even actually do anything or did they probably just rig it to produce their pro-wall data anyway? In twenty years this post will be in a textbook to teach kids why neoliberalism was a useless joke. Know that this isn’t Trump’s ad but House Freedom Fund, a political action committee closely affiliated with the conservative Republican House Freedom Caucus. If you call this number you could be handing over your phone number to be robo called by this committee for fund raising. There is nothing impartial about this. It is pointless to act on this number as the source is already biased for the wall and any dissenting call will just have their data collected, probably; I don’t have any real evidence of this but that’s my guess as to what is going on here.
Friends, God, and Oh My God: Jon Coopere
 @joncoopertweets
 Follow
 Trump is running television ads to ask people
 to call 800-350-6647 and press 1 to DEMAND
 that Pelosi and Schumer fund the wall. Buried
 at the end, the announcer says, "press 2 if you
 do NOT support funding the wall
 Friends, you know what to do.
 #NoWall
 12:07 PM-17 Jan 2019
 114 Retweets 120 Likes
 24 tl 114 120
kevindrakewriter:

nitramgniknilra:

bogleech:


systlin:

m-is-for-mungo:

calleo:

Oh my god, the 50s TV announcer voice at that number…
Also, it will say press 1 to support the wall, repeat that, make the sound a cell phone makes when a call has been disconnected if you don’t respond, and then say “Press 2 if you do not support the wall.”


Did it to fact check, and it does in fact make the “end call” noise making you believe the call was done before you could press 2 to say you don’t support the wall.

I’ve done this four times today. 

okay but does pressing 2 even actually do anything or did they probably just rig it to produce their pro-wall data anyway?


In twenty years this post will be in a textbook to teach kids why neoliberalism was a useless joke.

Know that this isn’t Trump’s ad but 
House Freedom Fund, a political action committee closely affiliated with the conservative Republican House Freedom Caucus. 

If you call this number you could be handing over your phone number to be robo called by this committee for fund raising. There is nothing impartial about this. It is pointless to act on this number as the source is already biased for the wall and any dissenting call will just have their data collected, probably; I don’t have any real evidence of this but that’s my guess as to what is going on here.

kevindrakewriter: nitramgniknilra: bogleech: systlin: m-is-for-mungo: calleo: Oh my god, the 50s TV announcer voice at that number… A...

Definitely, Future, and Phone: Unproblematic and nice account @LovableAndKind My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and.... Message Today 3:16 PM You are gorgeous Who is this? Your favorite oil change guy The guy from Jiffy Lube? Yes ma'am I couldn't help but to let you know So I feel like this is a teachable moment for you. While I know you were wanting to give me a compliment, it was completely unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a customer, you are a service provider, and there should be no communication between us outside of that unless I, the customer express interest. I am married, we discussed this when I was talking about my car maintenance, so it can be assumed that I am not interested in any compliments/advances from you When you contacted me, I felt a little panicked because you went back in my file and got my number... I have other personal information, like my address, saved there as well. It is a violation of my privacy for you to contact me from your personal phone with information that you got without my permission. And now I know that you are the type of person to go back in someone's file to find their personal information, what is to keep you from going back and getting my address? There are men who stalk rape, and murder women by getting their information this way. For this reason, I assume there is a Jiffy Lube company policy that you are to never contact a patron on your personal cell phone for personal reasons So now I am in this predicament. I can choose to ignore your violation of my privacy and go to another company to avoid awkward interactions in the future (even though this is the place that I've been going to consistently for the past several years). Or I can contact your company HR and report this incident. Generally I am not in the business of ruining someone's livelihood over something as simple as this, but it is very important to me that you understand why it was completely inappropriate for you to contact me, or any other woman, without explicit consent. Capiche? Sorry about that yes ma'am Oh, and you didn't tell me what the tire pressure was on the rear passenger tire like l asked, so you are definitely not even in my top five favorite oil change guys. simonalkenmayer: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” “OH and you’re also not good at your customer service job”
Definitely, Future, and Phone: Unproblematic and nice account
 @LovableAndKind
 My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a
 jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone
 and....

 Message
 Today 3:16 PM
 You are gorgeous
 Who is this?
 Your favorite oil change guy
 The guy from Jiffy Lube?
 Yes ma'am
 I couldn't help but to let you know
 So I feel like this is a teachable
 moment for you. While I know you
 were wanting to give me a
 compliment, it was completely
 unnecessary and unsolicited. I am a

 customer, you are a service
 provider, and there should be no
 communication between us outside
 of that unless I, the customer
 express interest. I am married, we
 discussed this when I was talking
 about my car maintenance, so it can
 be assumed that I am not interested
 in any compliments/advances from
 you
 When you contacted me, I felt a
 little panicked because you went
 back in my file and got my number...
 I have other personal information,
 like my address, saved there as
 well. It is a violation of my privacy
 for you to contact me from your
 personal phone with information
 that you got without my permission.

 And now I know that you are the
 type of person to go back in
 someone's file to find their personal
 information, what is to keep you
 from going back and getting my
 address? There are men who stalk
 rape, and murder women by getting
 their information this way. For this
 reason, I assume there is a Jiffy
 Lube company policy that you are
 to never contact a patron on your
 personal cell phone for personal
 reasons
 So now I am in this predicament. I
 can choose to ignore your violation
 of my privacy and go to another
 company to avoid awkward
 interactions in the future (even
 though this is the place that I've

 been going to consistently for the
 past several years). Or I can contact
 your company HR and report this
 incident. Generally I am not in the
 business of ruining someone's
 livelihood over something as simple
 as this, but it is very important to
 me that you understand why it was
 completely inappropriate for you to
 contact me, or any other woman,
 without explicit consent. Capiche?
 Sorry about that yes ma'am
 Oh, and you didn't tell me what the
 tire pressure was on the rear
 passenger tire like l asked, so you
 are definitely not even in my top five
 favorite oil change guys.
simonalkenmayer:

great-tweets:
“This is a teachable moment for you.”
“OH and you’re also not good at your customer service job”

simonalkenmayer: great-tweets: “This is a teachable moment for you.” “OH and you’re also not good at your customer service job”

Alive, Bodies , and Brains: ilthat TIL that due to their small brains koalas are unable to perform complex, unfamiliar tasks such as eat leaves off of flat surfaces. via reddit.com toast-potent how are they even alive kickin-jeans eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs humandisastersquad WROTE THIS POST#god dont get me fuckin started#the NUMBER of times ive Gone Off abt koalas in zooarch class#on a scale of koalas to wombats how good is ur marsupial at Being Alive#hey hey u know what else? koalas are s0 picky with their diet that theyll only eat the leaves of one (1) type of eucalypt#and even then ONLY specimens of that tree that are within a very tight geographic range of where the koala was born#the rescue centre in my city? they have to ship branches from all over the state bc koalas there physically Will Not Eat anything thats not#from their very very small very precise home range#theyd rather starve to death than try leaves from like the next suburb over#i have 60 other reasons why koalas spit in the face of natural selection hmu if you want YELLING i cant be bothered to list them all here#god theyre so incomprehensibly dumb. god#HEY ALSO the reason their brains are so small is bc YEah the one SINGLE species of tree they eat is incredibly toxic#their diet consists of 1 food and it is Brain-Shrinking Poison (@reyroace) reyroace oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because 1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone's doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die 2) idiots can't die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker's lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin darklsteve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em reyroace by the way i never elaborated on "koalas sit in trees all day screaming" but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-jmeBQVQlsTU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-O0CAx1jLbJk gallusrostromegalus My favorite story about Koalas comes from the book The Killer Koala Humorous Australian Bush Stories" By Kenneth Cook, which is an excellently good book with some A+ storytelling. he describes the Koala's "Anti-Dingo Defense", wherein they latch on to the belly of the dingo to slow down the rate at which they are being consumed alive by starving canid, gradually trn themselves around until they've got thier head in the Dingo's crotch, and then procede to BITE THE SHIT out of the Dingo's Tender Bits, whilst clowing at the ribs and projectile-evacuating thier bowels, Mr. Cook found out about the Anti-Dingo Defense beause he was tricked into 'rescuing' a bunch of koalas off an island by the promise of a Hot Date with a young lady, wondered why they were all being given armored aprons to handle the koalas with, only to find out firsthand, which pretty much ruined his prospects of a date. teratomarty What I'm getting is that koalas are basically Australian-grade Death Sloths. the more you know
Alive, Bodies , and Brains: ilthat
 TIL that due to their small brains koalas are unable to perform complex,
 unfamiliar tasks such as eat leaves off of flat surfaces.
 via reddit.com
 toast-potent
 how are they even alive
 kickin-jeans
 eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during
 forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place
 koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat
 The Fucking Bombs
 humandisastersquad
 WROTE THIS POST#god dont get me fuckin started#the NUMBER of times
 ive Gone Off abt koalas in zooarch class#on a scale of koalas to wombats how
 good is ur marsupial at Being Alive#hey hey u know what else? koalas are s0
 picky with their diet that theyll only eat the leaves of one (1) type of eucalypt#and
 even then ONLY specimens of that tree that are within a very tight geographic
 range of where the koala was born#the rescue centre in my city? they have to
 ship branches from all over the state bc koalas there physically Will Not Eat
 anything thats not#from their very very small very precise home range#theyd
 rather starve to death than try leaves from like the next suburb over#i have 60
 other reasons why koalas spit in the face of natural selection hmu if you want
 YELLING i cant be bothered to list them all here#god theyre so
 incomprehensibly dumb. god#HEY ALSO the reason their brains are so small is
 bc YEah the one SINGLE species of tree they eat is incredibly toxic#their diet
 consists of 1 food and it is Brain-Shrinking Poison (@reyroace)
 reyroace
 oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is
 starvation, because
 1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u
 need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in
 nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of
 tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth
 grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc
 everyone's doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin
 shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear
 down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit
 all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day
 then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until
 they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die
 2) idiots can't die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc
 their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh
 just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal
 w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc
 i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker's lung
 from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their
 organs like khaki black. like some fuckin darklsteve irwin costume well better
 piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense
 mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch
 them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit
 around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison
 while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending
 theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of
 extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at
 all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let
 em
 reyroace
 by the way i never elaborated on "koalas sit in trees all day screaming" but heres
 a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound
 like
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-jmeBQVQlsTU
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-O0CAx1jLbJk
 gallusrostromegalus
 My favorite story about Koalas comes from the book The Killer Koala
 Humorous Australian Bush Stories" By Kenneth Cook, which is an excellently
 good book with some A+ storytelling. he describes the Koala's "Anti-Dingo
 Defense", wherein they latch on to the belly of the dingo to slow down the rate at
 which they are being consumed alive by starving canid, gradually trn themselves
 around until they've got thier head in the Dingo's crotch, and then procede to
 BITE THE SHIT out of the Dingo's Tender Bits, whilst clowing at the ribs and
 projectile-evacuating thier bowels,
 Mr. Cook found out about the Anti-Dingo Defense beause he was tricked
 into 'rescuing' a bunch of koalas off an island by the promise of a Hot Date with
 a young lady, wondered why they were all being given armored aprons to handle
 the koalas with, only to find out firsthand, which pretty much ruined his prospects
 of a date.
 teratomarty
 What I'm getting is that koalas are basically Australian-grade Death Sloths.
the more you know

the more you know