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Advice, Being Alone, and America: Anna Breslaw @annabreslavw My sister is doing arn experiment: Whenever men walk towards her, she doesn't move out of the way first. So far she has collided with 28 men. 12/13/14, 5:04 PNM marithlizard: taraljc: seperis: sapphic-pink-kryptonite: phoenixonwheels: linkedsoul: little-miss-stan: elegantmess100: blossombarnes: retroasgardian: reddobastard: onethingconstant: songbirde108: mercurialkitty: emmagrant01: clevermanka: youcangofindatree: moremetalthanyourmom: Okay but after seeing this I started doing it too and it’s amazing how many men I’ve run into bc they expected me to move Gotta try it I work (and walk) on a college campus. I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve smacked shoulders with. Recently, I was standing outside my son’s classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didn’t; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadn’t leapt out of his manly path. Now I’m wishing I’d leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, “My Liege!” I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way. Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where I’m the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze. Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friend’s medication, and I didn’t understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literally—one guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because that’s just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note. I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought I’d had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston. I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I “looked like a soldier.” I’m not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible. Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America. WALK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SENT TO MURDER CAPTAIN AMERICA It’s called the Murder Strut. IT’S BACK!!!!!! I was searching for this to show my daughter the other day and couldn’t find it. I’m so glad IT’S BACK!! I will always reblog the Murder Strut!! A guy on a bike went around me because he could tell I had no intention of moving. Thanks to this post. One day and I bumped into a guy while doing the Murder Strut and he apologized to me even though I was the one who had bumped into him. It works wonders. In case you were wondering, yes you can do this in a wheelchair. Same look in your eyes and let ‘em know you will run them down. Just picture yourself in a sports car accelerating towards someone with the intention of flattening them. If there’s anything more satisfying than watching Abled men leap out of my way when they realize I’m not moving for them, I can’t think of it atm. Walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America. Wheel like you’re gonna win the Indy 500 and don’t care how. Your crutches are short swords; walk like you can see them buried in the bodies of anyone who crosses (in front of) you. Tumblr: teaching women how to be Moses and part the fucking Red Sea with the power of their minds. I had never seen these updates to the Patriarchy Chicken Game before and they are all a goddam DELIGHT Patriarchy Chicken and The Murder Strut, dance names for the new millenium. 
Advice, Being Alone, and America: Anna Breslaw
 @annabreslavw
 My sister is doing arn
 experiment: Whenever men
 walk towards her, she doesn't
 move out of the way first. So
 far she has collided with 28
 men.
 12/13/14, 5:04 PNM
marithlizard:

taraljc:

seperis:


sapphic-pink-kryptonite:

phoenixonwheels:

linkedsoul:

little-miss-stan:

elegantmess100:


blossombarnes:

retroasgardian:


reddobastard:

onethingconstant:


songbirde108:


mercurialkitty:


emmagrant01:


clevermanka:


youcangofindatree:


moremetalthanyourmom:

Okay but after seeing this I started doing it too and it’s amazing how many men I’ve run into bc they expected me to move

Gotta try it


I work (and walk) on a college campus. I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve smacked shoulders with.


Recently, I was standing outside my son’s classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didn’t; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadn’t leapt out of his manly path. 
Now I’m wishing I’d leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, “My Liege!”


I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way.


Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where I’m the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze.


Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friend’s medication, and I didn’t understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literally—one guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because that’s just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note.
I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought I’d had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston.
I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I “looked like a soldier.” I’m not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible.
Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.


WALK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SENT TO MURDER CAPTAIN AMERICA




It’s called the Murder Strut.

IT’S BACK!!!!!! I was searching for this to show my daughter the other day and couldn’t find it. I’m so glad IT’S BACK!! I will always reblog the Murder Strut!!


A guy on a bike went around me because he could tell I had no intention of moving. Thanks to this post. 

One day and I bumped into a guy while doing the Murder Strut and he apologized to me even though I was the one who had bumped into him.
It works wonders.


In case you were wondering, yes you can do this in a wheelchair. Same look in your eyes and let ‘em know you will run them down. Just picture yourself in a sports car accelerating towards someone with the intention of flattening them. 
If there’s anything more satisfying than watching Abled men leap out of my way when they realize I’m not moving for them, I can’t think of it atm. 


Walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.
Wheel like you’re gonna win the Indy 500 and don’t care how.
Your crutches are short swords; walk like you can see them buried in the bodies of anyone who crosses (in front of) you.
Tumblr: teaching women how to be Moses and part the fucking Red Sea with the power of their minds.


I had never seen these updates to the Patriarchy Chicken Game before and they are all a goddam DELIGHT

Patriarchy Chicken and The Murder Strut, dance names for the new millenium. 

marithlizard: taraljc: seperis: sapphic-pink-kryptonite: phoenixonwheels: linkedsoul: little-miss-stan: elegantmess100: blossombar...

Drinking, Drunk, and Food: Jennifer Dziura I've responded to this elsewhere around the Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks are often intending to purchase a lowering of the woman's defenses. If you are a woman in a bar and a man offers to buy you a this: cheerfully ask for something nonalcoholic, while indicating get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will be angry. They weren't offering a gift or just trying to strike up conversation: they wanted you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In my own experience, I have twice been offered a drink and instead suggested food -- in both cases, very inexpensive food costing the same or less than a drink drink, try willingness to a and in both -- cases, the man responded angrily. 2 minutes ago Like Reply Jennifer Dziura In one case, I met a guy at a concert.I liked him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I was starving and suggested the kebab place around the corner. I can't remember who paid, but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy pouted and I never saw him again. The other time, I had done standup in a bar and an older guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually would love some popcorn, which was sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry and acted like I had cheated him somehow. being greek-god-of-hair: erwin-with-hairpins: rainfelt: cardozzza: notyourexrotic: (source) Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious Scary, scary. Gonna add on to this:From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So: Tips for getting drinks- 1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser. 2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time. 3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol: Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail: X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state. Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%. Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%. Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21% Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%. Hope this helps someone out! Backing this up from years of bar tending.
Drinking, Drunk, and Food: Jennifer Dziura
 I've responded to this elsewhere around the
 Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks
 are often intending to purchase a lowering of
 the woman's defenses. If you are a woman in
 a bar and a man offers to buy you a
 this: cheerfully ask for something
 nonalcoholic, while indicating
 get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will
 be angry. They weren't offering a gift or just
 trying to strike up conversation: they wanted
 you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In
 my own experience, I have twice been offered
 a drink and instead suggested food -- in both
 cases, very inexpensive food costing the
 same or less than a drink
 drink, try
 willingness to
 a
 and in both
 --
 cases, the man responded angrily.
 2 minutes ago Like Reply
 Jennifer Dziura
 In one case, I met a guy at a concert.I liked
 him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I
 was starving and suggested the kebab place
 around the corner. I can't remember who paid,
 but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy
 pouted and I never saw him again. The other
 time, I had done standup in a bar and an older
 guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually
 would love some popcorn, which was
 sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry
 and acted like I had cheated him somehow.
 being
greek-god-of-hair:


erwin-with-hairpins:

rainfelt:

cardozzza:

notyourexrotic:

(source)

Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious

Scary, scary.


Gonna add on to this:From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser. 
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!


Backing this up from years of bar tending.

greek-god-of-hair: erwin-with-hairpins: rainfelt: cardozzza: notyourexrotic: (source) Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberat...

Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau @DylanReneau Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is worth taking the risk of getting salmonella @mememang @logancooper14 Dylan pull yourself together and go get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some class lorem64 I'm so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There's no chicken in there! ankaa-avarshina Two words: Raw eggs. lorem64 2? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe ankaa-avarshina Don't ask me, ask them Americans. I'm an Asian just passing the word on phantoms-lair deep breath Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don't mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we're eating the dough raw, that's not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. ego-ann-16 Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom smallest-feeblest-boggart wait you're telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? kingantlion Why.why are you eating flour straight from the bag? 122,830 notes Q+ ifunny.ce Found on iFunny
Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau
 @DylanReneau
 Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is
 worth taking the risk of getting
 salmonella
 @mememang
 @logancooper14
 Dylan pull yourself together and go
 get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough
 not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some
 class
 lorem64
 I'm so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella???
 What parent told him this. There's no chicken in there!
 ankaa-avarshina
 Two words: Raw eggs.
 lorem64
 2? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in
 anyway unsafe
 ankaa-avarshina
 Don't ask me, ask them Americans. I'm an Asian just passing the word on
 phantoms-lair
 deep breath Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.
 MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don't
 mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.
 Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold
 the cookie together. Since we're eating the dough raw, that's not needed. Take
 the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now
 dead.
 Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM,
 perfectly safe edible cookie dough.
 ego-ann-16
 Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom
 smallest-feeblest-boggart
 wait you're telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from
 the bag???
 kingantlion
 Why.why are you eating flour straight from the bag?
 122,830 notes
 Q+
 ifunny.ce
Found on iFunny

Found on iFunny

80s, Cute, and Fashion: In the 1970s, Japanese teenage girls developed such excessively cute handwriting that it was banned in schools due to illegibility. なおちゃん ·かようびに ks) (GK34リ Ultrafacts,.tumblr.com deadcatwithaflamethrower: star-anise: imfemalewarrior: imthegingerninja: nerdgul: gayonthemoon1239: rifa: actualbloggerwangyao: alvaroandtheworld: ultrafacts: Source  THE BEGINNINGS OF KAWAII No, no, you have no idea. It actually IS the beginning of the whole so-called “kawaii culture”. And it started because girls started using mechanical pencils, which provided fine handwriting. After being banished (more precisely, during the 80s), this kind of writing started being used in products like magazines and make-up. And, during this time, icons we usually associate with the whole kawaii industry (like the characters from Sanrio) came to life too. And what many people don’t realize is that this subculture was born as a way for young girls to express themselves in their own way. And it was also used as something against the adult life and the traditional culture, often seen as dull and boring and oppressive. By embracing cuteness, these young girls (and adult women, after a while) were showing non-conformation with the current standards. So yep. Kawaii is important, and it all started with cute, simple handwritting a few hearts and cat faces in some girls’ school notebooks 3 !!!!! NO OK THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! This is also how the kawaii fashions started! Girls began dressing in cute and off beat styles for themsleves, they were criticized by adult figures telling them “you’ll never find a husband if you dress that way!” to which they began to reply “Good!” All the Japanese subcultures and fashions that evolved out of this became a rebellion to tradition and the starch gender roles and expectations the adults were forcing on the younger generations. As early as the 70s and still to this day you’ll see an emphasis on child-like fashion and themes in more kawaii styles and the dismissal of the male gaze with styles like lolita (a lot of western people assume lolita is somehow sexual due to the name of the fashion, but ask any Japanese lolita and they will tell you that men hate the style and find it unattractive which is sometimes a large reason they gravitate towards the style - they can express their femininity and individuality while remaining independent and without the pressure to appeal to men) Its so so so important to understand the hyper cute and ‘odd’ fashions of Japanese girls carry such a huge message of feminism and reclaiming of their own lives.    so are you telling me that Japan’s punk phase was really the kawaii phase Kawaii is so goth Metal heads Stan for our sisters in lace I did not know this but I love this form of feminism!  -FemaleWarrior, She/They  Which is why you get bands like BABYMETAL, which toured with Judas Priest for a while, looking like this: Metal heads Stan for our sisters in lace
80s, Cute, and Fashion: In the 1970s, Japanese teenage girls
 developed such excessively cute
 handwriting that it was banned in
 schools due to illegibility.
 なおちゃん
 ·かようびに
 ks) (GK34リ
 Ultrafacts,.tumblr.com
deadcatwithaflamethrower:
star-anise:

imfemalewarrior:

imthegingerninja:

nerdgul:

gayonthemoon1239:

rifa:

actualbloggerwangyao:

alvaroandtheworld:

ultrafacts:

Source 

THE BEGINNINGS OF KAWAII

No, no, you have no idea. It actually IS the beginning of the whole so-called “kawaii culture”. And it started because girls started using mechanical pencils, which provided fine handwriting. After being banished (more precisely, during the 80s), this kind of writing started being used in products like magazines and make-up. And, during this time, icons we usually associate with the whole kawaii industry (like the characters from Sanrio) came to life too.
And what many people don’t realize is that this subculture was born as a way for young girls to express themselves in their own way. And it was also used as something against the adult life and the traditional culture, often seen as dull and boring and oppressive. By embracing cuteness, these young girls (and adult women, after a while) were showing non-conformation with the current standards.
So yep. Kawaii is important, and it all started with cute, simple handwritting a few hearts and cat faces in some girls’ school notebooks 3

!!!!!
NO OK THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!
This is also how the kawaii fashions started! Girls began dressing in cute and off beat styles for themsleves, they were criticized by adult figures telling them “you’ll never find a husband if you dress that way!” to which they began to reply “Good!”
All the Japanese subcultures and fashions that evolved out of this became a rebellion to tradition and the starch gender roles and expectations the adults were forcing on the younger generations. As early as the 70s and still to this day you’ll see an emphasis on child-like fashion and themes in more kawaii styles and the dismissal of the male gaze with styles like lolita (a lot of western people assume lolita is somehow sexual due to the name of the fashion, but ask any Japanese lolita and they will tell you that men hate the style and find it unattractive which is sometimes a large reason they gravitate towards the style - they can express their femininity and individuality while remaining independent and without the pressure to appeal to men)
Its so so so important to understand the hyper cute and ‘odd’ fashions of Japanese girls carry such a huge message of feminism and reclaiming of their own lives.   

so are you telling me that Japan’s punk phase was really the kawaii phase

Kawaii is so goth 


Metal heads Stan for our sisters in lace 

I did not know this but I love this form of feminism! 
-FemaleWarrior, She/They 

Which is why you get bands like BABYMETAL, which toured with Judas Priest for a while, looking like this:


Metal heads Stan for our sisters in lace

deadcatwithaflamethrower: star-anise: imfemalewarrior: imthegingerninja: nerdgul: gayonthemoon1239: rifa: actualbloggerwangyao: alvar...

Click, Fucking, and Funny: 23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch the-man-who-sold-za-warudo Knight: I have trained in all forms of combat and weapons since birth. I cannot be bested Some horsecock motherfucker: Knight: What the fuck cerastes OH FUCK YESI GET TO TALK ABOUT LANTERN SHIELDS. For anyone seeing this post and wondering what kind of unholy heresy is currently having a blacksmithing orgy in front of their eyes, this is called a Lantern Shield. This came from, YOU GUESSED IT, fucking Italy, home of lunatic steel-weaving mother fuckers who often simply looked at each other and by each other, I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered mirrors, and said "WHAT IF WE JUST DO THINGS", which is, as we all know, Aunt Jemima's recipe for success. Lantern Shields were very indicative: They were meant to be bucklers that could carry a lantern, oftentimes for night time duels Now, you're wondering, why carry a lantern on a night duel when it could just prove detrimental to your overall movement? Why, to blind the mother fucker, of coursel But, see, and this is the funny thing about Italy, when Italian blacksmiths realized that they could just add hook to a buckler, they noticed they could also just add whatever the thrice condemned shit they wanted to them, so they started forging stakes, spikes, and blades that protruded out of the buckler and gauntlet as additional defense against anyone who, due to the poor visibility of mist shrouded, dark blanketed nights, would just walk right into your handheld barracks. mean, nothing better than a bloke closing the distance to you losing an eye or six because they didn't consider you might just carry a porcupine on your arm, right? Some specimens exists, but these are not numerous. If you know of or possess an actual, physical Lantern Shield, congratulations, you probably have an item that likely killed. Source: the-man-who-sold-za-warudo Jan 26th, 2019 3,068 notes Sarcasm Goal Click to see full list 23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch #funny #memes #lol #humor #hilarious #tumblr
Click, Fucking, and Funny: 23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch
 the-man-who-sold-za-warudo
 Knight: I have trained in all forms of combat and weapons since
 birth. I cannot be bested
 Some horsecock motherfucker:
 Knight:
 What the fuck
 cerastes
 OH FUCK YESI GET TO TALK ABOUT LANTERN SHIELDS.
 For anyone seeing this post and wondering what kind of unholy
 heresy is currently having a blacksmithing orgy in front of their eyes,
 this is called a Lantern Shield.
 This came from, YOU GUESSED IT, fucking Italy, home of lunatic
 steel-weaving mother fuckers who often simply looked at each other
 and by each other, I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered
 mirrors, and said "WHAT IF WE JUST DO THINGS", which is, as we
 all know, Aunt Jemima's recipe for success.
 Lantern Shields were very indicative: They were meant to be
 bucklers that could carry a lantern, oftentimes for night time duels
 Now, you're wondering, why carry a lantern on a night duel when it
 could just prove detrimental to your overall movement? Why, to blind
 the mother fucker, of coursel But, see, and this is the funny thing
 about Italy, when Italian blacksmiths realized that they could just add
 hook to a buckler, they noticed they could also just add whatever
 the thrice condemned shit they wanted to them, so they started
 forging stakes, spikes, and blades that protruded out of the buckler
 and gauntlet as additional defense against anyone who, due to the
 poor visibility of mist shrouded, dark blanketed nights, would just
 walk right into your handheld barracks.
 mean, nothing better than a bloke closing the distance to you losing
 an eye or six because they didn't consider you might just carry a
 porcupine on your arm, right?
 Some specimens exists, but these are not numerous. If you know of
 or possess an actual, physical Lantern Shield, congratulations, you
 probably have an item that likely killed.
 Source: the-man-who-sold-za-warudo
 Jan 26th, 2019
 3,068 notes
 Sarcasm Goal
 Click to see full list
23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch #funny #memes #lol #humor #hilarious #tumblr

23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch #funny #memes #lol #humor #hilarious #tumblr