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Nas, Don, and You: HAND nas osed your Opinion that Part sudes Oi Okuyasu, I don’t care that you used 「The Hand」 to somehow get yourself stuck in a whiteboard. That’s what you get for being a dumbass.
Nas, Don, and You: HAND
 nas osed your
 Opinion that Part
 sudes
Oi Okuyasu, I don’t care that you used 「The Hand」 to somehow get yourself stuck in a whiteboard. That’s what you get for being a dumbass.

Oi Okuyasu, I don’t care that you used 「The Hand」 to somehow get yourself stuck in a whiteboard. That’s what you get for being a dumbass.

Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: re how It's fine, I appreciate the apology Sunday 403 PM .really? Hm. I suppose i must have misjudged you my dear. Certainly not the first time but didnt think you I didnt realize that you were with someone. Please accept my apologies, you lovely, pretty little witch 10 04 AM wouldnt.... i guess i dont care. No.. know i dont. hope you are having a lovely fucking day my dear Im sorry i backed off so fast.... kinda figured i was doin uafavor, i always have such a hard time noticing others when i finally find a girl im Okay first of all it say In my bio that my DMS are for business only, I politely accepted your apology but am under no obligation to entertain -83 AM And its my bday tomorrow, so it would really, reallyy make my day if u wished me a good one love attracted to. you Have a nice day Sunday 7:19 PM 214 PM Entertain me? Hell, im sure you could step a few feet to the left and let your floppy ass pancake tits entertain me. Oh woweeeee have you got the wrong idea about me you tubby bitch lol. I should have known by looking at your boyfriend that you were fuckin gross as dogshit. I will now unfollow you, and go fuck a pretty girl. And oh hey,have a nice day It's fine, I appreciate the apology ...really? Hm. I suppose i must have misjudged you my dear. Certainly not the first time but didnt think you t004 AM wouldnt... guess i dont care. No...i know i dont. hope you are having a lovely fucking day my dear Okay first of all it say In my bio that my DMS are for business only, I politely accepted your apology but I am under no obiligation to entertain 1153 AM Hahahahaha ohhhh my god And its my bday tomorrow, so it would really, reallyy make my day if u wished me a good one love you Boy bye Have a nice day 214 PM Message Message... Message... My friend got the most stereotypical nice guy leaving dirty messages on her photos, this happened when she pointed out the man in half her pictures is her husband.
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: re how
 It's fine, I appreciate the apology
 Sunday 403 PM
 .really? Hm. I suppose i must have
 misjudged you my dear. Certainly not
 the first time but didnt think you
 I didnt realize that you were with
 someone. Please accept my
 apologies, you lovely, pretty little
 witch
 10 04 AM
 wouldnt.... i guess i dont care. No..
 know i dont.
 hope you are having a
 lovely fucking day my dear
 Im sorry i backed off so fast.... kinda
 figured i was doin uafavor, i always
 have such a hard time noticing
 others when i finally find a girl im
 Okay first of all it say In my bio that
 my DMS are for business only, I
 politely accepted your apology but
 am under no obligation to entertain
 -83 AM
 And its my bday tomorrow, so it
 would really, reallyy make my day if u
 wished me a good one love
 attracted to.
 you
 Have a nice day
 Sunday 7:19 PM
 214 PM
 Entertain me? Hell, im sure you could
 step a few feet to the left and let your
 floppy ass pancake tits entertain me.
 Oh woweeeee have you got the
 wrong idea about me you tubby bitch
 lol. I should have known by looking at
 your boyfriend that you were fuckin
 gross as dogshit. I will now unfollow
 you, and go fuck a pretty girl. And oh
 hey,have a nice day
 It's fine, I appreciate the apology
 ...really? Hm. I suppose i must have
 misjudged you my dear. Certainly not
 the first time but didnt think you
 t004 AM
 wouldnt... guess i dont care. No...i
 know i dont.
 hope you are having a
 lovely fucking day my dear
 Okay first of all it say In my bio that
 my DMS are for business only, I
 politely accepted your apology but I
 am under no obiligation to entertain
 1153 AM
 Hahahahaha ohhhh my god
 And its my bday tomorrow, so it
 would really, reallyy make my day if u
 wished me a good one love
 you
 Boy bye
 Have a nice day
 214 PM
 Message
 Message...
 Message...
My friend got the most stereotypical nice guy leaving dirty messages on her photos, this happened when she pointed out the man in half her pictures is her husband.

My friend got the most stereotypical nice guy leaving dirty messages on her photos, this happened when she pointed out the man in half her p...

Love, Annoying, and Brother: When your brother needs to take care of you but you end up annoying him with your love 💕
Love, Annoying, and Brother: When your brother needs to take care of you but you end up annoying him with your love 💕

When your brother needs to take care of you but you end up annoying him with your love 💕

Animals, Best, and Soviet: As Soviet troops approached Berlin in 1945, citizens did their best to take care of Berlin Zoo's animals
Animals, Best, and Soviet: As Soviet troops approached Berlin in 1945, citizens did their best to take care of Berlin Zoo's animals

As Soviet troops approached Berlin in 1945, citizens did their best to take care of Berlin Zoo's animals

Money, Some More, and Coffee: It# Pid Name Price(EXVAT) £ 455.00 (379.17) Qty Total 1 10782 Intel Core i7 9700KS 1151, Coffee Lake Refresh, 8 Core, 8 Thread, 3.6GHZ, 4.9GHZ Turbo, 12MB, 1200MHZ GPU, KingstonA400 480GB 2.5 Inch SSD SATA 3 £ 455.00 1 £ 53.00 (44.17) 2 10658 1 £ 53.00 READWRITE 500/450MB/S 10864 ADATA16GB 2666Mhz DDR4 £ 79.00 (65.83 690.00 (575.00) £ 60.00 (50.00 £ 105.00 (87.50) 2 £ 158.00 10963 Inno 3DGeForce RTX 2080 x3 GOC 8GB GDDR6 4 1 Game MaxGhost Midi Silent Gaming Case 10709 1 £ 60.00 6 9862 Game Max1050W Modular RGB Gold 80 Plus 14cm RGB Fan & Iluminated Logo Game Maxlceberg 240mm RGB Liquid Cooling System 1 £ 105.00 £ 55.00 £ 55.00 (45.83) £121.00 (100.83) £ 170.00 (141.67) 7 8 9764 1 10880 MSIZ390-A PRO £ 121.00 1 ASUS27 Gaming Monitor (VP278H), 1920 x 1080, 1ms, VGA, 2 HDMI, SRGB, Eye Care, Speakers, VESAV £ 170.00 10796 1 All hardware carries manufacturers warranty Invoice Total £ 1867.00 All non-faulty items accepted for credit will be subject to a 15% handling charge. A credit will not be issued for items returned either incomplete or without their original packaging. VAT at 20%=£ 311.17 Total Ex Vat £ 1555.83 Total Products 9 Total Items = 10 Paid £1867.00 Due £0.00 ALL GOODS REMAIN THE PROPERTY OF BRS INTERNATIONAL LIMITED UNTIL PAID FOR IN FULL Just got this new pc. Any thoughts? Anything I would need that would improve it? I have some spare cash and would like to spend some more money on it. I was thinking maybe switching out the liquid cooling system or maybe just improve it aesthetically but idk. What do you guys think?
Money, Some More, and Coffee: It#
 Pid
 Name
 Price(EXVAT)
 £ 455.00 (379.17)
 Qty
 Total
 1
 10782
 Intel Core i7 9700KS 1151, Coffee Lake Refresh, 8
 Core, 8 Thread, 3.6GHZ, 4.9GHZ Turbo, 12MB,
 1200MHZ GPU,
 KingstonA400 480GB 2.5 Inch SSD SATA 3
 £ 455.00
 1
 £ 53.00 (44.17)
 2
 10658
 1
 £ 53.00
 READWRITE 500/450MB/S
 10864
 ADATA16GB 2666Mhz DDR4
 £ 79.00 (65.83
 690.00 (575.00)
 £ 60.00 (50.00
 £ 105.00 (87.50)
 2
 £ 158.00
 10963
 Inno 3DGeForce RTX 2080 x3 GOC 8GB GDDR6
 4
 1
 Game MaxGhost Midi Silent Gaming Case
 10709
 1
 £ 60.00
 6
 9862
 Game Max1050W Modular RGB Gold 80 Plus 14cm
 RGB Fan & Iluminated Logo
 Game Maxlceberg 240mm RGB Liquid Cooling System
 1
 £ 105.00
 £ 55.00
 £ 55.00 (45.83)
 £121.00 (100.83)
 £ 170.00 (141.67)
 7
 8
 9764
 1
 10880
 MSIZ390-A PRO
 £ 121.00
 1
 ASUS27 Gaming Monitor (VP278H), 1920 x 1080, 1ms,
 VGA, 2 HDMI, SRGB, Eye Care, Speakers, VESAV
 £ 170.00
 10796
 1
 All hardware carries manufacturers warranty
 Invoice Total £ 1867.00
 All non-faulty items accepted for credit will be subject to a 15% handling charge. A
 credit will not be issued for items returned either incomplete or without their original
 packaging.
 VAT at 20%=£ 311.17
 Total Ex Vat £ 1555.83
 Total Products 9
 Total Items = 10
 Paid £1867.00
 Due £0.00
 ALL GOODS REMAIN THE PROPERTY OF BRS INTERNATIONAL LIMITED UNTIL PAID FOR IN FULL
Just got this new pc. Any thoughts? Anything I would need that would improve it? I have some spare cash and would like to spend some more money on it. I was thinking maybe switching out the liquid cooling system or maybe just improve it aesthetically but idk. What do you guys think?

Just got this new pc. Any thoughts? Anything I would need that would improve it? I have some spare cash and would like to spend some more mo...

Alive, All Star, and Being Alone: {Man Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me l ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mould It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mould {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mould -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps) -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your flying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -l'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. WellI, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Ogre! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad l am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated.... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering}{Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to -- me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause l'm all alone There's no one here beside me My problems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta have friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am ? -Uh -- Really tall? -No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -l guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can Istay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought told you to stay outside. -l'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fine. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts}-Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gasps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? - Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he..... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Gingerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. AIl you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives irrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that coo! you off. She's a loaded pistoi who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So, will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into voga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make e's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'l! get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face Duloc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect .. place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honour - - no, no -- the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than l ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why the others? -Eat me! {Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or l'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin an? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarde ci this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya l'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think mayl and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs) -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring) -Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry. -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves on the whole damn planet. -You know, I thinkl preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Oh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. y. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., well just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think sheIl be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creaking} -l'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. Il'd step all over it. -Well, at least wwe know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams}{Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars}{Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams}-Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls -l mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do i detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Oh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -l'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -l am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts -But we have to savour this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat) - pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} - But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love ieceiving cards - - l'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. (Echoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat) -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sin Knight, -Uh, no.. -Why not? -i have helmet hair. -Please. I wouldn't look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'nt. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -l'm not going to. -Take it off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- -an ogre. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent toesue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. - But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -l'm sorry, but yourjob is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, al right? . ma delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -l'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to Duloc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'l! take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just neeu a fe homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! - know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. - There's just ne and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -l'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why 'm betteroff alo ne. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawi s} -Mrmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I saidI like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Lau hs) , it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge ok, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down! like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad hat's bad When aeauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad l'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your ees on me, boys 'cause I'm ha wa amazing! Where id you learn that? -Well - - (Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Sek. ! a too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Lney! Ca Im down. If yoou want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -(Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and l'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -what you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue y? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chuckle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird a-la, lz-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's Duloc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -l mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, naro on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -l'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Roti se style-No kı 'aing. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling}{Sighs} -l guess I'll be dining a was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. - night. {Door creaks} -Oh! NowI really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -l don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. she's a princess, and l'm - - -An ogre? -Yeah. An ogre. -Hey, where you goin'?-To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings 'key! -Lisen keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, vcay another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not rad thought of you because it's pretty and -- well, I don't really like it, butI thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd -- uh, uh - - {Sighs} - 0 -Do it you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tel! him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -ButI thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd i miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you starded me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a shor... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. - reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, D me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find y put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -l don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measurin Shrek, what are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - -Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hay, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Ou svamp? You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me an the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to m Show people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you saviour! And l am rescuing you from this green- {Kissingrounds} -lbuast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Ye!l) {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we d the phone. (Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there - flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colour-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Oh! -Ahem. -Nothing happened. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh oh-sh-o. was ask. O Hey! La-l little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fisheye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -l'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, hre Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Sh.ek sighs)Go d igh And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know -- and I'm not sayin' 'de - fluttering) -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hea. uh, different. -l'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goeS do spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to avwait the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right Calm how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -l have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm kay. i s 1r thflow I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -l can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my ISE "By ek, it's oa that bad. You' re not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at {Dee, promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make -- -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, ogre. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't l? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought---Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly ogre. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if i treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Oh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! - There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was t kin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'l! never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -l guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of Du Loc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - --Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -l object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? ! love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wanis you, but showring up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - -- But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true iove. -And what do you know about true love? -Weil, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughing} -An ogre and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -l'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn Me irl
Alive, All Star, and Being Alone: {Man Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet
 Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me l ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go
 You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mould It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours
 That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mould {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mould -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa.
 Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay
 out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps) -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your flying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little
 wooden puppet. -l'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. WellI, that's good for ten shillings, if you
 can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to
 talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Ogre! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad l am
 authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated.... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering}{Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to -- me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in
 the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work,
 are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause l'm all alone There's no one here beside me My problems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta have friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't
 have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am ? -Uh -- Really tall? -No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.
 Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -l guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can
 Istay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I
 guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought told you to stay outside. -l'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's
 not home, but it'll do just fine. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts}-Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gasps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -
 Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he..... signed an eviction notice.
 {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with
 me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You
 know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well,
 she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Gingerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can
 become one. AIl you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives
 irrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that coo! you off. She's a loaded pistoi who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So, will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or
 bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into voga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make
 e's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -
 {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'l! get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face Duloc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect .. place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow!
 Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honour - - no, no -- the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place
 your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than l ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why
 the others? -Eat me! {Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or l'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin
 an? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes
 are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that
 tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where
 with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarde
 ci
 this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya l'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think mayl
 and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my
 can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I
 don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs) -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm
 already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring) -Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp
 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to
 you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry. -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves
 on the whole damn planet. -You know, I thinkl preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue
 or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Oh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey,
 if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second.
 y. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., well just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on
 moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do,
 Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean
 you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think sheIl be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way
 they're goin'. {Creaking} -l'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. Il'd step all over it. -Well, at least wwe know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams}{Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars}{Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams}-Oh, what large teeth you have.
 {Crowls -l mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do i detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Oh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -l'm an asthmatic,
 and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -l am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window
 and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts -But we have to savour this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat) - pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -
 But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical
 relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love ieceiving cards - - l'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't
 give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. (Echoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're
 wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat) -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sin Knight, -Uh, no.. -Why not? -i have helmet hair. -Please. I wouldn't look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'nt. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That
 wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really
 don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -l'm not going to. -Take it off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- -an ogre. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent toesue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -
 But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -l'm sorry, but yourjob is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, al right? . ma delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -l'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put
 Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to Duloc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me
 when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'l! take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa!
 Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just neeu a fe homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -
 know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -
 There's just ne and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I
 think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -l'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the
 go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why 'm betteroff alo ne. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby,
 the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawi s} -Mrmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I saidI like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good
 morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Lau hs) , it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge
 ok, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the
 rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down! like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad hat's bad When aeauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad l'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your ees on me, boys 'cause I'm
 ha wa amazing! Where id you learn that? -Well - - (Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you
 look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Sek. ! a too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Lney! Ca Im down. If yoou want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If
 you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -(Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and l'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -what you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue
 y? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chuckle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird
 a-la, lz-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's Duloc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's
 compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -l mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, naro on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got
 this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -l'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Roti se style-No kı 'aing. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling}{Sighs} -l guess I'll be dining a
 was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -
 night. {Door creaks} -Oh! NowI really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -l don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.
 she's a princess, and l'm - - -An ogre? -Yeah. An ogre. -Hey, where you goin'?-To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings
 'key! -Lisen keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh,
 vcay another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a
 night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not
 rad thought of you because it's pretty and -- well, I don't really like it, butI thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd -- uh, uh - - {Sighs} -
 0 -Do it you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must
 ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tel! him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell
 you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -ButI thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd i miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As
 agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you starded me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a shor... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -
 reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl
 cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing
 Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, D
 me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find y
 put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -l don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measurin
 Shrek, what are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - -Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hay, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
 That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Ou svamp? You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no
 love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me an
 the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me
 again. Mirror, mirror, show her to m
 Show
 people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you saviour! And l am rescuing you from this green-
 {Kissingrounds} -lbuast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here
 about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Ye!l) {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we
 d the phone. (Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there
 -
 flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colour-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Oh! -Ahem. -Nothing happened. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had
 chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh oh-sh-o.
 was ask. O
 Hey! La-l
 little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fisheye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -l'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, hre
 Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Sh.ek sighs)Go d igh
 And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know -- and I'm not sayin' 'de -
 fluttering) -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hea.
 uh, different. -l'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goeS do
 spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to avwait the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right Calm
 how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -l have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm kay. i s 1r thflow
 I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -l can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my
 ISE
 "By
 ek, it's
 oa that bad. You' re not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at
 {Dee,
 promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as
 Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make -- -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, ogre. -Shrek,
 what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't l? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
 -But I thought---Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's
 a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is
 around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly ogre. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well,
 guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if i treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Oh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -
 There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was t kin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big,
 stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'l! never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -l guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on
 and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of Du Loc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - --Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna
 say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce
 you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -l object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? ! love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wanis you, but showring up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - --
 But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true iove. -And what do you know about true love? -Weil, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughing} -An ogre and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!
 -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -l'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn
Me irl

Me irl

Be Like, Drinking, and Friends: AITA I kicked a girl out of my house party for insinuating a drink I made her could be drugged. This was tonight/this morning (it's after 5am). Last night was a big work party at a bar. We came back to my place because I have a fully furnished basement, with stocked bar, where I host parties. This was coworkers I know well and some I don't. I always play bartender when I host because it's my bar in my house and it's just what I do. A girl who works for the company at another office is sitting at my packed bar table and I mixed her a martini because I saw her drinking martinis at the bar before. I did the exact same thing for everyone at my bar; Mixed them their cocktail of choice either by noticing what they had earlier, or asking them. She wasn't first to be served so she saw me doing this. When I put her drink in front of her, she looked at it, then to her friend beside her and asked "did you watch him make it?" Her friend goes "no, I was talking" or something. She looks at me and starts to try to deny the drink. I heard her ask her friend that question so I said "are you kidding?". I have a sense of humor so I could have taken it as a joke. Now- if she didn't want a martini, she was welcome to have any- thing else. Or- if she didn't want any alcohol, she could have declined it outright. But she started to talk about drinks made her for that she didn't see made, so I interrupted her quickly with "do you really think it's possible I drugged your drink or something?". She was being serious so I told her to "get the fuck out of my house" and I pointed to the door. She was the ride for a few people and one of her friends told me to not be like that but I said no, I don't care who she drove, you can leave with her if you want to, but she's leaving now. She had her chance to give any explanation besides me possibly drugging her drink, but didn't. No one has ever seen me kick someone out before so it really stopped the party for a minute. But she went out and we carried on. I basically explained to whoever wanted to talk about it that I felt disrespected in my own home for no good reason and that is cause for me to kick someone out. What do you think, AITA? t 10.8k 1.0k Share Getting personally offended over basic safety precautions seems kind of Nice Guy-ish, to me.
Be Like, Drinking, and Friends: AITA I kicked a girl out of my house
 party for insinuating a drink I made her
 could be drugged.
 This was tonight/this morning (it's after 5am).
 Last night was a big work party at a bar. We came
 back to my place because I have a fully furnished
 basement, with stocked bar, where I host parties.
 This was coworkers I know well and some I don't.
 I always play bartender when I host because it's
 my bar in my house and it's just what I do. A girl
 who works for the company at another office is
 sitting at my packed bar table and I mixed her
 a martini because I saw her drinking martinis
 at the bar before. I did the exact same thing for
 everyone at my bar; Mixed them their cocktail of
 choice either by noticing what they had earlier, or
 asking them. She wasn't first to be served so she
 saw me doing this. When I put her drink in front
 of her, she looked at it, then to her friend beside
 her and asked "did you watch him make it?" Her
 friend goes "no, I was talking" or something. She
 looks at me and starts to try to deny the drink. I
 heard her ask her friend that question so I said
 "are you kidding?". I have a sense of humor so I
 could have taken it as a joke. Now- if she didn't
 want a martini, she was welcome to have any-
 thing else. Or- if she didn't want any alcohol, she
 could have declined it outright. But she started to
 talk about drinks made her for that she didn't see
 made, so I interrupted her quickly with "do you
 really think it's possible I drugged your drink or
 something?". She was being serious so I told her
 to "get the fuck out of my house" and I pointed to
 the door. She was the ride for a few people and
 one of her friends told me to not be like that but I
 said no, I don't care who she drove, you can leave
 with her if you want to, but she's leaving now. She
 had her chance to give any explanation besides
 me possibly drugging her drink, but didn't. No
 one has ever seen me kick someone out before so
 it really stopped the party for a minute. But she
 went out and we carried on. I basically explained
 to whoever wanted to talk about it that I felt
 disrespected in my own home for no good reason
 and that is cause for me to kick someone out.
 What do you think, AITA?
 t 10.8k
 1.0k
 Share
Getting personally offended over basic safety precautions seems kind of Nice Guy-ish, to me.

Getting personally offended over basic safety precautions seems kind of Nice Guy-ish, to me.

Blade, Butt, and Drunk: youtube.com/results?search_query=drunk+stream+highlights drunk stream highlights YouTube Ninja EXTREMELY DRUNK After Dark! GETS BUTT NAKED AND NINJA Home BEATS HIS MEAT Ninja 69 views 1 hour ago Trending NINJA FORGOT TO TURN OFF STREAM AFTER GETTING DRUNK! PROCEEDS TO STRIP BUTT NAKED AND BEATS HIS MEAT!DRUNK ON STREAM DRUNK! Subscriptions 10:04 ONLYUSEmeBLADE Takes 6 Shots at Once! (Drunk Stream Highlights) KoreaCops 8.6K views 11 months ago DAMN Library History After a dead start to a stream, Blade decides to liven things up with a cheeky six-in-one Jager bomb. Another rational decision that ... Watch later SO DEEP 6:31 Liked videos ONLYUSEmeBLADE Florida Drunk Stream Highlights (Ice Poseidon Streamer House) KoreaCops 7.2K views 1 year ago FLRIDA Deep Web Explor... Show more As part of Ice Poseidon reviving a bunch of streamers careers, Blade was flown out to Florida to visit the IRL streamer house. SUBSCRIPTIONS 8:47 Soothing Relax.. (0) Drunk Stream pt. 2 (FaZe Mito Stream Highlights #2) Chez 591 views 1 year ago FAZE MITO BODYBAGMED.. Edited Live @ http://www.twitch.tv/Chezify Follow Mito: Livestream - http://www.twitch.tv/M ito Twitter... AdrianLikes TOS.... 2 3:58 Games Done Q... DRUNK STREAM HIGHLIGHTS! (w/ Wedry, Herdyn #2) Baxtrix 390K views 2 years ago Dslyecxi SomeOrdinary... Herdyn: https://www.youtube.com/user/Mikidusot Wedry: https://www.youtube.com/user/WedryLP OG2A Sleva! Rizzo DRUNK STREAM HIGHLIGHTS 10:20 Show 345 more + | damn ninja just dont care LUL
Blade, Butt, and Drunk: youtube.com/results?search_query=drunk+stream+highlights
 drunk stream highlights
 YouTube
 Ninja EXTREMELY DRUNK After Dark! GETS BUTT NAKED AND
 NINJA
 Home
 BEATS HIS MEAT
 Ninja 69 views 1 hour ago
 Trending
 NINJA FORGOT TO TURN OFF STREAM AFTER GETTING DRUNK! PROCEEDS TO STRIP BUTT NAKED
 AND BEATS HIS MEAT!DRUNK ON STREAM
 DRUNK!
 Subscriptions
 10:04
 ONLYUSEmeBLADE Takes 6 Shots at Once! (Drunk Stream
 Highlights)
 KoreaCops 8.6K views 11 months ago
 DAMN
 Library
 History
 After a dead start to a stream, Blade decides to liven things up with a cheeky six-in-one Jager bomb.
 Another rational decision that ...
 Watch later
 SO DEEP
 6:31
 Liked videos
 ONLYUSEmeBLADE Florida Drunk Stream Highlights (Ice Poseidon
 Streamer House)
 KoreaCops 7.2K views 1 year ago
 FLRIDA
 Deep Web Explor...
 Show more
 As part of Ice Poseidon reviving a bunch of streamers careers, Blade was flown out to Florida to visit
 the IRL streamer house.
 SUBSCRIPTIONS
 8:47
 Soothing Relax..
 (0)
 Drunk Stream pt. 2 (FaZe Mito Stream Highlights #2)
 Chez 591 views 1 year ago
 FAZE MITO
 BODYBAGMED..
 Edited Live @ http://www.twitch.tv/Chezify Follow Mito: Livestream - http://www.twitch.tv/M ito
 Twitter...
 AdrianLikes TOS....
 2 3:58
 Games Done Q...
 DRUNK STREAM HIGHLIGHTS! (w/ Wedry, Herdyn #2)
 Baxtrix 390K views 2 years ago
 Dslyecxi
 SomeOrdinary...
 Herdyn: https://www.youtube.com/user/Mikidusot Wedry: https://www.youtube.com/user/WedryLP
 OG2A Sleva!
 Rizzo
 DRUNK STREAM HIGHLIGHTS
 10:20
 Show 345 more
 +
 |
damn ninja just dont care LUL

damn ninja just dont care LUL

Be Like, College, and Driving: 54% 11:15 AM kik typing... I live in and i don't drive Oh That's a problem lol And im about two work two jobs Which one I work one main job, one job on the side, am a full time college student If you could drive we could try to see how things go But I'm not interested in always driving So u do drive And if ask me do i tend to drive. Like a normal person. Instead of assuming shit. Then i would be like ya in two weeks when i get my dirt bike U give up easy So u still have a child mind If u didn't u would understand a relationship is about trust and honesty and working things out together. You missed a call from August 15, 11:08 AM Call Back Im glad. We not together cause i wouldn't have to get hurt from female like u Lol l can't drive 5 hour round trips regularly to see someone Again I work nearly full time hours. I am a full time student as well. And Ok cool I graduated at 15 from high school I have time for someone who can meet me halfway and work with me to see each other. I can't so all the driving. You literally said you can't drive And 17 at Harvard And 18 uni And 19 werberg Ever heard of Reddit? Again In two weeks get my dirt bike Buts its ok I don't have lay he and explain myself You can't dirt bike 5 hours. I'm posting this on Reddit. Enjoy r/ niceguys and r/iamverysmart Victory recrier sacrifice Do you consider yourself a nice guy Ya People say i talk white And i dress white And i don't sag an talk getto Lol that's funny Read Unless a male or female hit me Then i don't care what gender FReport Type a message... Aa Send GIF Before this, he spammed me with messages about wanting a long term relationship, marriage, and kids right after i said "hey" back. After the last message, he finished it by saying he'd hit another and was apart of some huge vice gang
Be Like, College, and Driving: 54% 11:15 AM
 kik
 typing...
 I live in
 and i don't
 drive
 Oh
 That's a problem lol
 And im about two work two jobs
 Which one
 I work one main job, one job on
 the side, am a full time college
 student
 If you could drive we could try to
 see how things go
 But I'm not interested in always
 driving
 So u do drive
 And if ask me do i tend to drive.
 Like a normal person. Instead of
 assuming shit. Then i would be
 like ya in two weeks when i get
 my dirt bike
 U give up easy
 So u still have a child mind
 If u didn't u would understand a
 relationship is about trust and
 honesty and working things out
 together.
 You missed a call from
 August 15, 11:08 AM
 Call Back
 Im glad. We not together cause i
 wouldn't have to get hurt from
 female like u
 Lol l can't drive 5 hour round trips
 regularly to see someone
 Again
 I work nearly full time hours.
 I am a full time student as well.
 And
 Ok cool
 I graduated at 15 from high
 school
 I have time for someone who can
 meet me halfway and work with
 me to see each other. I can't so
 all the driving. You literally said
 you can't drive
 And 17 at Harvard
 And 18 uni
 And 19 werberg
 Ever heard of Reddit?
 Again
 In two weeks
 get my dirt bike
 Buts its ok
 I don't have lay he and explain
 myself
 You can't dirt bike 5 hours. I'm
 posting this on Reddit. Enjoy r/
 niceguys and r/iamverysmart
 Victory recrier sacrifice
 Do you consider yourself a nice
 guy
 Ya
 People say i talk white
 And i dress white
 And i don't sag an talk getto
 Lol that's funny
 Read
 Unless a male or female hit me
 Then i don't care what gender
 FReport
 Type a message...
 Aa
 Send
 GIF
Before this, he spammed me with messages about wanting a long term relationship, marriage, and kids right after i said "hey" back. After the last message, he finished it by saying he'd hit another and was apart of some huge vice gang

Before this, he spammed me with messages about wanting a long term relationship, marriage, and kids right after i said "hey" back. After the...

Appalled, Beautiful, and Bodies : 9+ 9+ Do you think it stops at someone just thinking "nice butt, or nice breast"? Or do those thoughts lead to way more sexual 2 hrs thoughts? I will probably step on some toes with this, but my filter is broken and I don't really care. Some people on here need to read this. We need to think about what this company stands Parents what are your kids listening to? Looking at? What is being peddled to your children? What ideas and notions are being peddled to your kids about sex? Their bodies? Relationships? Self worth? for. Read the article. You'd think "feminist" would be all kinds of appalled by VS, especially after reading this It's not women designing what their bras and panties are going to look like at VS, but men. Fifty years ago VS ads and the half naked women on the Shocker alert they sell bras and panties at other stores. Stores that aren't peddling the idea of cheap sex and objectifying women. Shop at the other stores. Stop parading you and your children's breast and butts all over the place. You have a beautiful body, great! You can still love and think your body is beautiful under your clothes. Let your soul front of their stores would have been considered pornography. But we say things like it's "2019". So what! Does 2019 mean we can't have any morals? And for believers the Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today, and always. I'm always a little surprised by the people I see wearing the PINK line of stuff. Why in the world are 12-13 year old girls wearing clothing with words on the butt (even 14,15,16 years up duck lips. People love you for YOU, not your body. old and beyond)? You're essentially buying clothes for your children that draw attention to their butt. Who do you think is looking at their butt? Do you really want boys their age staring at their butt? Do you really want grown men checking out your daughters butt? Think about it. 80% of men have problems with pornography and you trust that men aren't staring at your daughters breast or butt! Don't think that a man's struggle isn't your problem when you prance yourself and your children around half naked. You are part of the problem. And even if you don't believe you are adding to the problem, what are the motives behind butts and breast spilled out everywhere? I'm also amazed by supposed to judge", go back and read what the Bible really how women will dress in front of their own children. To the shine in front of others ins ad, because that's what matters. Let people see beautiful smiles instead of puckered Don't get offended. Ask yourself if what I'm saying has merit first. Really think about it. Pray about it. Don't delude yourselves. If you agree give me an "amen" because I'm pretty sure I'm going to upset some people. Sorry, not sorry. I love myself, other women, my own daughters, and sons enough to speak truth. And before someone reading this thinks "you're not says. It's says we are to righteously judge. We are to hold each other accountable. We are to be set apart. We are to not love worldly things. And if I'm ever running around half naked in public, please mom with a son who dresses with everything hanging out, one day your son will be a teenager, and guess what his teenage friends are going to say about you to him? And if for some reason you like the idea of what those teen boys will say, then you have some big issues you need to work through judge me and love me enough to confront me. VICTORIA'S SECRE Do you think it stops at someone just thinking "nice butt, or ninn hr t r d th tha htn ln t mar o2 9+ 9+ 2 T11 Found this gem on my profile...
Appalled, Beautiful, and Bodies : 9+
 9+
 Do you think it stops at someone just thinking "nice butt, or
 nice breast"? Or do those thoughts lead to way more sexual
 2 hrs
 thoughts?
 I will probably step on some toes with this, but my filter is
 broken and I don't really care. Some people on here need to
 read this. We need to think about what this company stands
 Parents what are your kids listening to? Looking at? What
 is being peddled to your children? What ideas and notions
 are being peddled to your kids about sex? Their bodies?
 Relationships? Self worth?
 for. Read the article. You'd think "feminist" would be all
 kinds of appalled by VS, especially after reading this
 It's not women designing what their bras and panties are
 going to look like at VS, but men.
 Fifty years ago VS ads and the half naked women on the
 Shocker alert they sell bras and panties at other stores.
 Stores that aren't peddling the idea of cheap sex and
 objectifying women. Shop at the other stores. Stop parading
 you and your children's breast and butts all over the place.
 You have a beautiful body, great! You can still love and think
 your body is beautiful under your clothes. Let your soul
 front of their stores would have been considered
 pornography. But we say things like it's "2019". So what!
 Does 2019 mean we can't have any morals?
 And for believers the Bible says that God is the same
 yesterday, today, and always.
 I'm always a little surprised by the people I see wearing the
 PINK line of stuff. Why in the world are 12-13 year old girls
 wearing clothing with words on the butt (even 14,15,16 years up duck lips. People love you for YOU, not your body.
 old and beyond)? You're essentially buying clothes for your
 children that draw attention to their butt. Who do you think
 is looking at their butt? Do you really want boys their age
 staring at their butt? Do you really want grown men
 checking out your daughters butt? Think about it. 80% of
 men have problems with pornography and you trust that
 men aren't staring at your daughters breast or butt! Don't
 think that a man's struggle isn't your problem when you
 prance yourself and your children around half naked. You
 are part of the problem. And even if you don't believe you
 are adding to the problem, what are the motives behind
 butts and breast spilled out everywhere? I'm also amazed by supposed to judge", go back and read what the Bible really
 how women will dress in front of their own children. To the
 shine in front of others ins
 ad, because that's what
 matters. Let people see beautiful smiles instead of puckered
 Don't get offended. Ask yourself if what I'm saying has merit
 first. Really think about it. Pray about it. Don't delude
 yourselves.
 If you agree give me an "amen" because I'm pretty sure I'm
 going to upset some people.
 Sorry, not sorry. I love myself, other women, my own
 daughters, and sons enough to speak truth.
 And before someone reading this thinks "you're not
 says. It's says we are to righteously judge. We are to hold
 each other accountable. We are to be set apart. We are to
 not love worldly things.
 And if I'm ever running around half naked in public, please
 mom with a son who dresses with everything hanging out,
 one day your son will be a teenager, and guess what his
 teenage friends are going to say about you to him? And if
 for some reason you like the idea of what those teen boys
 will say, then you have some big issues you need to work
 through
 judge me and love me enough to confront me.
 VICTORIA'S SECRE
 Do you think it stops at someone just thinking "nice butt, or
 ninn hr t r d th tha htn ln t mar
 o2
 9+
 9+
 2
 T11
Found this gem on my profile...

Found this gem on my profile...

Friday, Love, and Hope: Love you guys uwu. Hope you have a wonderful friday. Take care uwu (also hi mods. Love you guys too uwu)
Friday, Love, and Hope: Love you guys uwu. Hope you have a wonderful friday. Take care uwu (also hi mods. Love you guys too uwu)

Love you guys uwu. Hope you have a wonderful friday. Take care uwu (also hi mods. Love you guys too uwu)