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butt: inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
butt: inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: so...

butt: All the way to the butt baby.
butt: All the way to the butt baby.

All the way to the butt baby.

butt: I don’t want butt hair
butt: I don’t want butt hair

I don’t want butt hair

butt: Here’s a picture of a bumblebee butt and its little legs hanging out of a flower (via)
butt: Here’s a picture of a bumblebee butt and its little legs hanging out of a flower (via)

Here’s a picture of a bumblebee butt and its little legs hanging out of a flower (via)

butt: Every time I drive through Corydon, Indiana I always forget to take a picture. But here it is in all its glory. I give you, Butt Drugs!
butt: Every time I drive through Corydon, Indiana I always forget to take a picture. But here it is in all its glory. I give you, Butt Drugs!

Every time I drive through Corydon, Indiana I always forget to take a picture. But here it is in all its glory. I give you, Butt Drugs!

butt: “I’ve taken too many photos of my corgi’s butt over the past few years.”(Source)
butt: “I’ve taken too many photos of my corgi’s butt over the past few years.”(Source)

“I’ve taken too many photos of my corgi’s butt over the past few years.”(Source)

butt: Guys can be a pain in the butt, but then they also deliver these priceless moments of hilarity. #Memes #Entertainment #Men
butt: Guys can be a pain in the butt, but then they also deliver these priceless moments of hilarity. #Memes #Entertainment #Men

Guys can be a pain in the butt, but then they also deliver these priceless moments of hilarity. #Memes #Entertainment #Men

butt: And the Land O Lakes buttermilk is LOL BUTT MILK.
butt: And the Land O Lakes buttermilk is LOL BUTT MILK.

And the Land O Lakes buttermilk is LOL BUTT MILK.

butt: awesomacious: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt
butt: awesomacious: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt

awesomacious: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt

butt: severus-snape-is-a-butt-trumpet: anyone else over bunny day, or…?
butt: severus-snape-is-a-butt-trumpet: anyone else over bunny day, or…?

severus-snape-is-a-butt-trumpet: anyone else over bunny day, or…?

butt: awesomacious: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt
butt: awesomacious: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt

awesomacious: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt

butt: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt
butt: Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt

Take a break from the news and enjoy a bumblebee butt

butt: the-moon-is-my-butt: @astromechovess  this seems like something that would happen with your brood, accident or not? Me when Jasper doesn’t get a happy end
butt: the-moon-is-my-butt: @astromechovess  this seems like something that would happen with your brood, accident or not? Me when Jasper doesn’t get a happy end

the-moon-is-my-butt: @astromechovess  this seems like something that would happen with your brood, accident or not? Me when Jasper doe...

butt: No matter where you are in life, it's hard to resist the funniness of "haha that looks like a butt." #funny #timing #lol #photos
butt: No matter where you are in life, it's hard to resist the funniness of "haha that looks like a butt." #funny #timing #lol #photos

No matter where you are in life, it's hard to resist the funniness of "haha that looks like a butt." #funny #timing #lol #photos

butt: Cover your butt, Thinker!
butt: Cover your butt, Thinker!

Cover your butt, Thinker!

butt: Butt hat.
butt: Butt hat.

Butt hat.

butt: Butt hat.
butt: Butt hat.

Butt hat.

butt: Butt hat.
butt: Butt hat.

Butt hat.

butt: Butt hat.
butt: Butt hat.

Butt hat.

butt: So much butt
butt: So much butt

So much butt

butt: srsfunny: TBH I’d rather my ashes be turned into a diamond and put on the end of a butt plug.
butt: srsfunny: TBH I’d rather my ashes be turned into a diamond and put on the end of a butt plug.

srsfunny: TBH I’d rather my ashes be turned into a diamond and put on the end of a butt plug.

butt: Depression kicked my butt for four years. Now I’m kicking back.
butt: Depression kicked my butt for four years. Now I’m kicking back.

Depression kicked my butt for four years. Now I’m kicking back.

butt: I design ridiculous product ideas for fun, so I designed a pair of jeans with one giant pocket across the butt for all your essentials.
butt: I design ridiculous product ideas for fun, so I designed a pair of jeans with one giant pocket across the butt for all your essentials.

I design ridiculous product ideas for fun, so I designed a pair of jeans with one giant pocket across the butt for all your essentials.

butt: I design ridiculous product ideas for fun, so I designed a pair of jeans with one giant pocket across the butt for all your essentials.
butt: I design ridiculous product ideas for fun, so I designed a pair of jeans with one giant pocket across the butt for all your essentials.

I design ridiculous product ideas for fun, so I designed a pair of jeans with one giant pocket across the butt for all your essentials.

butt: Butt Connoisseur @SmooGoo Never. Work. For. Youtubers. THIS is what comes of the "exposure". I'm CRYING XD XD XD Late Christmas gift me also. I'm looking for artwork for my new YouTube channel. I need a banner, intro and outro cards and also reaction images of my character to use within videos (5 minimum). T also saw you do animations. I want 3 animations for my twitch channel (thumbs up, wave and blowing a kiss) and 3 badges. My character reterence is here Hi there! I'm afraid S50 is way to low for that amount of work. The animations alone, depending on how smooth you're wanting, would be between $40-S60 each. I'm actually incredibly busy with work right now and have a queue, so it might be better to look elsewhere for someone who's more free to complete your commissions for you:). (NOTE: tattoo MUST be correct, its incredibly sentimental). $50 This would be a great opportunity for you, I have many followers and you'd get a lot of fresh eyes on your work! Depending on how well you do, this could be the start of many future projects from me and I'm willing to throw in a couple of rts on your art to help you out also. ??? I wasn't offering to pay you, I was giving you the offer of paying me to be your promoter lol It's very reasonable fee given how big my channel is going to get. $45 is the lowest I'm willing to go, it's more than generous. You'll be sorry if you dorit take up this offer thought Need this done in 2 weeks. Look forward to working with you :) Show quoted text I wish I could knew this YouTuber channel.
butt: Butt Connoisseur @SmooGoo Never. Work. For. Youtubers. THIS is what comes of the "exposure". I'm CRYING XD XD XD Late Christmas gift me also. I'm looking for artwork for my new YouTube channel. I need a banner, intro and outro cards and also reaction images of my character to use within videos (5 minimum). T also saw you do animations. I want 3 animations for my twitch channel (thumbs up, wave and blowing a kiss) and 3 badges. My character reterence is here Hi there! I'm afraid S50 is way to low for that amount of work. The animations alone, depending on how smooth you're wanting, would be between $40-S60 each. I'm actually incredibly busy with work right now and have a queue, so it might be better to look elsewhere for someone who's more free to complete your commissions for you:). (NOTE: tattoo MUST be correct, its incredibly sentimental). $50 This would be a great opportunity for you, I have many followers and you'd get a lot of fresh eyes on your work! Depending on how well you do, this could be the start of many future projects from me and I'm willing to throw in a couple of rts on your art to help you out also. ??? I wasn't offering to pay you, I was giving you the offer of paying me to be your promoter lol It's very reasonable fee given how big my channel is going to get. $45 is the lowest I'm willing to go, it's more than generous. You'll be sorry if you dorit take up this offer thought Need this done in 2 weeks. Look forward to working with you :) Show quoted text I wish I could knew this YouTuber channel.

I wish I could knew this YouTuber channel.

butt: 2 x t 15) Inbox | Tumblrx M Inbax- vickyediaz@gma X https://www.tumblr.com/inbox train.medcerts com 1處Home l Archive of Ou wl Microsoft Word Onlir f Facebook "-Bloge t Tumblr Reddit DkUneddit Inbox blr Anonymous said February 19th 201 INBOX TOOLS Mass Edit Mo that's one big piece of tape on your laptop camera Search Inbox INCOMING masochist-incarnate: bluecrysto-blog: amis-amai: ilikeyoshi: dickbuttofficial: killbenedictcumberbatch: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: windows 10 is garbage so every time i boot up the computer i have to run command prompt and enter net.exe stop “Windows Search” so that the shitty goddamned search/cortana feature that i never fucking use stops running in the background taking up all my fucking disk space before after what the fuck is that seriously what the fuck is making my computer be a fucking piece of shit @baristaboy try this out dude @lambylin y’all didn’t even add a tutorial of how to do this so imma put one right here1. type in cmd.exe into your windows search and right click on Command Promt search result and select “Run as Administator”.2. Type/Copypase in  net.exe stop “Windows Search” and make sure Windows Search is in quotations. It should then respond saying “The Windows Search service is stopping” and then tell you it’s stopped.This is only a temp fix though, if you want it switched off permanently then do THIS:1.  Press the Windows key + R at the same time and type in services.msc. 2.  Scroll until you find Windows Search and double click it to enter its Properties window. 3.  Change the Startup type to Disabled. Apply this change and you can exit out.VOILA, NO MORE TAKEN UP DISK SPACE Reblog to save a fucking life, FUCK CORTANA. Yo this sick nasty
butt: 2 x t 15) Inbox | Tumblrx M Inbax- vickyediaz@gma X https://www.tumblr.com/inbox train.medcerts com 1處Home l Archive of Ou wl Microsoft Word Onlir f Facebook "-Bloge t Tumblr Reddit DkUneddit Inbox blr Anonymous said February 19th 201 INBOX TOOLS Mass Edit Mo that's one big piece of tape on your laptop camera Search Inbox INCOMING masochist-incarnate: bluecrysto-blog: amis-amai: ilikeyoshi: dickbuttofficial: killbenedictcumberbatch: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: windows 10 is garbage so every time i boot up the computer i have to run command prompt and enter net.exe stop “Windows Search” so that the shitty goddamned search/cortana feature that i never fucking use stops running in the background taking up all my fucking disk space before after what the fuck is that seriously what the fuck is making my computer be a fucking piece of shit @baristaboy try this out dude @lambylin y’all didn’t even add a tutorial of how to do this so imma put one right here1. type in cmd.exe into your windows search and right click on Command Promt search result and select “Run as Administator”.2. Type/Copypase in  net.exe stop “Windows Search” and make sure Windows Search is in quotations. It should then respond saying “The Windows Search service is stopping” and then tell you it’s stopped.This is only a temp fix though, if you want it switched off permanently then do THIS:1.  Press the Windows key + R at the same time and type in services.msc. 2.  Scroll until you find Windows Search and double click it to enter its Properties window. 3.  Change the Startup type to Disabled. Apply this change and you can exit out.VOILA, NO MORE TAKEN UP DISK SPACE Reblog to save a fucking life, FUCK CORTANA. Yo this sick nasty

masochist-incarnate: bluecrysto-blog: amis-amai: ilikeyoshi: dickbuttofficial: killbenedictcumberbatch: carry-on-my-wayward-butt:...

butt: |५ tulpa2: batekush: its like. thats his truck and hes ordering from a drive through at 12am chicken samwich and scratch my butt please.
butt: |५ tulpa2: batekush: its like. thats his truck and hes ordering from a drive through at 12am chicken samwich and scratch my butt please.

tulpa2: batekush: its like. thats his truck and hes ordering from a drive through at 12am chicken samwich and scratch my butt please.