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Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: * 4 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough Farewell * error_reporting (E ALL); ini set("display_errors", true) print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?> Don’t read the source, Luke!
Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8");
 This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere
 Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 *
 4
 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment.
 Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 and hope it will be enough
 Farewell
 *
 error_reporting (E ALL);
 ini set("display_errors", true)
 print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?>
Don’t read the source, Luke!

Don’t read the source, Luke!

Animals, Bakura, and Birthday: phuiscribbles: When the heart of the card responds to your trust just right #does this make kaiba kuzco #is kaiba gonna build kaibaland on top of Yugi’s gameshop #can we turn kaiba into a llama  #does kaiba dress in drag??  i hate you all  “You threw off my groove!”  “I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the CEO’s groove.”  #omg would Marik’s shoulder devil be Yami Marik?  “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness.”  “I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!” #Rebecca should be the wife #Ok Ok but Kuriboh would totally be the little squirrel >w>  “Kurikurikuri??” “No nonONONONONONO-” “KURIK URIRIRHR!?” #The Big 5 turning into animals  “Get them!”  “Hey, I’ve been turned into a penguin. Can I go home?”  “You’re excused.”  “For the last time, we did not order a Magic Cylinder!”  “You know pal, you could have told me that before I set it up.”  #would baby kaiba have blue eyes white dragon plushies?  i hate all 126,000 of you  “Hey Yugi, you just missed your relatives.”  “Yeah, we just sent them up to your house.” #Kaiba lines up all the yugioh spinoff protags in a line looking for a rival  “Hate your hair. Your hair. And your hair. Annnnd…”  “Lemme guess, you have a great personality.” #And instead of a sewer crocodile it’s some sewer dragon thing..lol… #The dagger on Bakura’s leg is the Millennium Rod “Then I bet you weren’t expecting THIS.”  [SCREAMS OF HORROR]  “AHA!” “Oh, okay.” #So, when Kuzco gets turned into other animals, does Kaiba get turned into other monster cards, like UFO turtle and Fortress Whale since the big 5 got turned into cards? “Don’t you say a word…”  #Yami Bakura being sung Happy Birthday? “ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR~” “Happy, happy birthday!”“From all of us to you!”“We wish it was our birthday!”“So we could party too!” “Happy, happy birthday!”“May all your dreams come true~” “Uh-oh.”   “Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a waterfall.”  “Yep.”   “Dark hole at the bottom?”  “Most likely.”  “Bring it on.” [*If you like these crossover redraws, consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a coffee?]
Animals, Bakura, and Birthday: phuiscribbles:
When the heart of the card responds to your trust just right

#does this make kaiba kuzco #is kaiba gonna build kaibaland on top of Yugi’s gameshop


#can we turn kaiba into a llama 


#does kaiba dress in drag?? 


i hate you all 


“You threw off my groove!” 


“I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the CEO’s groove.” 


#omg would Marik’s shoulder devil be Yami Marik? 


“Don’t listen to that guy. He’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness.” 
“I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!”
#Rebecca should be the wife 
#Ok Ok but Kuriboh would totally be the little squirrel >w> 
“Kurikurikuri??”
“No nonONONONONONO-”
“KURIK URIRIRHR!?”



#The Big 5 turning into animals 


“Get them!” 


“Hey, I’ve been turned into a penguin. Can I go home?” 


“You’re excused.” 


“For the last time, we did not order a Magic Cylinder!” 


“You know pal, you could have told me that before I set it up.” 


#would baby kaiba have blue eyes white dragon plushies? 


i hate all 126,000 of you 
“Hey Yugi, you just missed your relatives.” 


“Yeah, we just sent them up to your house.”





#Kaiba lines up all the yugioh spinoff protags in a line looking for a rival 


“Hate your hair. Your hair. And your hair. Annnnd…” 
“Lemme guess, you have a great personality.”
#And instead of a sewer crocodile it’s some sewer dragon thing..lol…

#The dagger on Bakura’s leg is the Millennium Rod
“Then I bet you weren’t expecting THIS.” 


[SCREAMS OF HORROR] 


“AHA!”


“Oh, okay.”
#So, when Kuzco gets turned into other animals, does Kaiba get turned into other monster cards, like UFO turtle and Fortress Whale since the big 5 got turned into cards?
“Don’t you say a word…” 

#Yami Bakura being sung Happy Birthday?
“ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR~”


“Happy, happy birthday!”“From all of us to you!”“We wish it was our birthday!”“So we could party too!”


“Happy, happy birthday!”“May all your dreams come true~”




“Uh-oh.”  


“Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a waterfall.” 


“Yep.”  


“Dark hole at the bottom?” 


“Most likely.” 


“Bring it on.”



[*If you like these crossover redraws, consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a coffee?]

phuiscribbles: When the heart of the card responds to your trust just right #does this make kaiba kuzco #is kaiba gonna build kaibaland on ...

Click, Fail, and Fucking: 22+ Tumblr Posts To Help You Laugh Your Troubles Away irrevocably-delicious Irrevocably-delicious @india draws Anyone who's worked in retail has probably participated in this thing I call "circle talk" and it is by far one the most exhausting and irritating parts of my job. 12-05 PM Jan 19, 2019- Twitter Web App Circle talk is when a customer asks you a question, but when you answer it, they continue to stare at you blankly. So you repeat your answer over and over, slightly rephrasing it until it permeates their brain. "How big does this cactus grow?" "It'll get quite large, but it's very slow growing, so you won't see much of a difference until almost 10 years" "Oh my wife has one that's like half metre" "Yes that must be quite old" "So they can get that big?" "Yes but not for a long time" "about 10 years?" "YES" 12:05 PM Jan 19, 2019 Twitter Web App he Cackes Grows slo Oh right& he Cockuss slow growino The Slow growing Cachs Small Cactsou will not grouw og quich Some retail complaints from twitter this morning. I don't think anyone can fully comprehend how stupid humans are until they work a retail or hospitality job. starfire003 I'd like to add on the people who ask a question, get an answer they don't like and ask the same question in a different way to get the response they want. corisanna I get stuff like this often enough at work, but that last one? There is one customer we have that does that so frequently and for so long (personal record with me is goddamn FORTY MINUTES of trying to get the answer she wanted) that we call her Circle Lady when she isn't present. Then there are the ones who do this, fail, and try it again with the same employees the next day greatfay Me: "For the drink, it's [x amount]) Customer: "I saw a sign that I get a free drink?" Me: "For signing up for our rewards program, yes:" Customer: "Oh... I don't have one of those Me: "Well if you sign up, you can get the free drink! :) Customer: "Eh don't want to sign up" Me: " " Customer: "I hate getting all those emails" Me: "Oh, well you can opt out of emails, I can show you how:) Customer: "No thanks, I don't want an account" Me: "Okay... well the drink will be [x amount]: Customer: "I thought it was free?" Me: ")" Me: "It's free if you sign up for our rewards program:)" Customer: "I don't want to sign up" Me: "Then the drink isn't free :)" Customer: "You can't just give me the drink?" Me: "No, I can't unfortunately:) Customer: "Why not? It's only [x amount] Me: "if that's not a lot of money to you, why don't you just pay for it? : Customer: "This is shit customer service" Me: ")" Customer: "This is highway robbery, squeezing every dime out of people, you should be ashamed of yourself-" Me: "I don't control the prices, I'm just a cashier:) Customer: "-making a fucking fuss over a damn drink and it's not even a large- Me: "That's not my decision, I'm just a cashier:) Customer:"-and you bet I won't be coming back here again Me: "How unfortunate :)" thekeybladeninja I can feel the) deep in my soul 74,441 notes Click to see full Sarcasm Goal 22+ Tumblr Posts To Help You Laugh Your Troubles Away #funny #memes #tumblr #funnymemes
Click, Fail, and Fucking: 22+ Tumblr Posts To Help You Laugh Your Troubles Away
 irrevocably-delicious
 Irrevocably-delicious
 @india draws
 Anyone who's worked in retail has
 probably participated in this thing I
 call "circle talk" and it is by far one
 the most exhausting and irritating
 parts of my job.
 12-05 PM Jan 19, 2019- Twitter Web App
 Circle talk is when a customer asks
 you a question, but when you answer
 it, they continue to stare at you
 blankly. So you repeat your answer
 over and over, slightly rephrasing it
 until it permeates their brain.
 "How big does this cactus grow?"
 "It'll get quite large, but it's very slow
 growing, so you won't see much of a
 difference until almost 10 years"
 "Oh my wife has one that's like half
 metre"
 "Yes that must be quite old"
 "So they can get that big?"
 "Yes but not for a long time"
 "about 10 years?"
 "YES"
 12:05 PM Jan 19, 2019 Twitter Web App
 he Cackes Grows slo
 Oh right& he Cockuss slow
 growino
 The Slow growing Cachs
 Small Cactsou
 will not grouw og quich
 Some retail complaints from twitter this
 morning. I don't think anyone can fully
 comprehend how stupid humans are until they
 work a retail or hospitality job.
 starfire003
 I'd like to add on the people who ask a question,
 get an answer they don't like and ask the same
 question in a different way to get the response
 they want.
 corisanna
 I get stuff like this often enough at work, but
 that last one? There is one customer we have
 that does that so frequently and for so long
 (personal record with me is goddamn FORTY
 MINUTES of trying to get the answer she
 wanted) that we call her Circle Lady when she
 isn't present.
 Then there are the ones who do this, fail, and
 try it again with the same employees the next
 day
 greatfay
 Me: "For the drink, it's [x amount])
 Customer: "I saw a sign that I get a free drink?"
 Me: "For signing up for our rewards program,
 yes:"
 Customer: "Oh... I don't have one of those
 Me: "Well if you sign up, you can get the free
 drink! :)
 Customer: "Eh don't want to sign up"
 Me: " "
 Customer: "I hate getting all those emails"
 Me: "Oh, well you can opt out of emails, I can
 show you how:)
 Customer: "No thanks, I don't want an
 account"
 Me: "Okay... well the drink will be [x amount]:
 Customer: "I thought it was free?"
 Me: ")"
 Me: "It's free if you sign up for our rewards
 program:)"
 Customer: "I don't want to sign up"
 Me: "Then the drink isn't free :)"
 Customer: "You can't just give me the drink?"
 Me: "No, I can't unfortunately:)
 Customer: "Why not? It's only [x amount]
 Me: "if that's not a lot of money to you, why
 don't you just pay for it? :
 Customer: "This is shit customer service"
 Me: ")"
 Customer: "This is highway robbery, squeezing
 every dime out of people, you should be
 ashamed of yourself-"
 Me: "I don't control the prices, I'm just a
 cashier:)
 Customer: "-making a fucking fuss over a
 damn drink and it's not even a large-
 Me: "That's not my decision, I'm just a
 cashier:)
 Customer:"-and you bet I won't be coming
 back here again
 Me: "How unfortunate :)"
 thekeybladeninja
 I can feel the) deep in my soul
 74,441 notes
 Click to see full
 Sarcasm Goal
22+ Tumblr Posts To Help You Laugh Your Troubles Away #funny #memes #tumblr #funnymemes

22+ Tumblr Posts To Help You Laugh Your Troubles Away #funny #memes #tumblr #funnymemes

Ass, Click, and Energy: Portia Moemedi Follow @PortiaMoemedi Best thing I have read today innabitots Female chief in Malawi breaks up 850 child marriages and sends girls back to school NEWS 10:34 PM - 17 Dec 2018 13,017 Retweets 23,993 Likes aly Follow @AFRODREAMBOY Respect her and say her name: Theresa Kachindamoto. Portia Moemedi @PortiaMoemedi Female chief in Melawi breaks Best thing I have read today up 850 child marnieges and sends gils beck to school Show this thread 8:53 AM - 19 Dec 2018 33,209 Retweets 77,679 Likes hot-chubbies-with-cheese: cocoartistwrites: stained-glass-rose: taramaclaywasaterf: thatpettyblackgirl: This is powerful. BlackGirlsMagic This is a real queen I know I say this every time, but I’m saying it again: THEY DONT PUT NAMES IN HEADLINES UNLESS ITS AN INSTANTLY RECOGNIZABLE NAME. They’re not being disrespectful. That’s just how headlines work. They’re not gonna write “John Smith Saves Toddler From a Well” they’re gonna write “Pennsylvania Man Saves Toddler From Well” and then put his name in the article. Most people aren’t gonna click a link/continue reading an article that says John Smith, because who the fuck is that, and why do I care about him? Now, if it was, like, Kim Kardashian saving a kid from a well, you bet your ass they’re gonna put her name in the headline. That’s clickbait GOLD. Her name is instantly recognizable. We know who she is, and we wanna read on. Again, I’m saying this because, if we focus on the headline not saying Theresa’s name…it completely detracts the focus off the fact that this woman is a damn hero. We’re more upset and angry that she’s been “disrespected” (even though she hasn’t) by the, like, first rule of writing headlines, instead of saying “hey, she is saving these young girl’s lives, how can we help her?” Basically, share the article. Spread her message, share her story, and make Theresa’s name so goddamn well known that the next article that’s written about her WILL have her name in the headline. Also @ anyone who says “why don’t they say their name!!!!” Consider this: If you actually click on the damn thing and READ the article, I can guarantee you will learn the person’s name. It WILL be within the body of the article itself. So why are y’all acting like it’s a big mystery/ they’re deliberately erasing them or something? Aren’t you reading the article? If it really was so important to you, it shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes to read and learn her name, instead of you know, sharing it without reading it for woke points. 👀👀👀👀👀 Hello I’m a journalist and this is exactly right. Names are news but only if people know them already. I’m so tired of seeing this all the time. It’s a completely nonsense thing to get mad about. Put your energy into something more important - like calling the media out for not covering enough of this. But not for not putting an unknown woman in a headline. QUEEN
Ass, Click, and Energy: Portia Moemedi
 Follow
 @PortiaMoemedi
 Best thing I have read today
 innabitots
 Female chief in Malawi breaks
 up 850 child marriages and
 sends girls back to school
 NEWS
 10:34 PM - 17 Dec 2018
 13,017 Retweets 23,993 Likes

 aly
 Follow
 @AFRODREAMBOY
 Respect her and say her name:
 Theresa Kachindamoto.
 Portia Moemedi @PortiaMoemedi
 Female chief in Melawi breaks
 Best thing I have read today
 up 850 child marnieges and
 sends gils beck to school
 Show this thread
 8:53 AM - 19 Dec 2018
 33,209 Retweets 77,679 Likes
hot-chubbies-with-cheese:
cocoartistwrites:

stained-glass-rose:

taramaclaywasaterf:

thatpettyblackgirl:



This is powerful.


BlackGirlsMagic This is a real queen



I know I say this every time, but I’m saying it again: THEY DONT PUT NAMES IN HEADLINES UNLESS ITS AN INSTANTLY RECOGNIZABLE NAME. They’re not being disrespectful. That’s just how headlines work. They’re not gonna write “John Smith Saves Toddler From a Well” they’re gonna write “Pennsylvania Man Saves Toddler From Well” and then put his name in the article. Most people aren’t gonna click a link/continue reading an article that says John Smith, because who the fuck is that, and why do I care about him? Now, if it was, like, Kim Kardashian saving a kid from a well, you bet your ass they’re gonna put her name in the headline. That’s clickbait GOLD. Her name is instantly recognizable. We know who she is, and we wanna read on.


Again, I’m saying this because, if we focus on the headline not saying Theresa’s name…it completely detracts the focus off the fact that this woman is a damn hero. We’re more upset and angry that she’s been “disrespected” (even though she hasn’t) by the, like, first rule of writing headlines, instead of saying “hey, she is saving these young girl’s lives, how can we help her?” Basically, share the article. Spread her message, share her story, and make Theresa’s name so goddamn well known that the next article that’s written about her WILL have her name in the headline.


Also @ anyone who says “why don’t they say their name!!!!” Consider this:
If you actually click on the damn thing and READ the article, I can guarantee you will learn the person’s name. It WILL be within the body of the article itself. So why are y’all acting like it’s a big mystery/ they’re deliberately erasing them or something? 
Aren’t you reading the article? If it really was so important to you, it shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes to read and learn her name, instead of you know, sharing it without reading it for woke points. 👀👀👀👀👀


Hello I’m a journalist and this is exactly right. Names are news but only if people know them already. I’m so tired of seeing this all the time. It’s a completely nonsense thing to get mad about. Put your energy into something more important - like calling the media out for not covering enough of this. But not for not putting an unknown woman in a headline. 


QUEEN

hot-chubbies-with-cheese: cocoartistwrites: stained-glass-rose: taramaclaywasaterf: thatpettyblackgirl: This is powerful. BlackGirls...