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A Dream, Click, and Fake: Do you want to know something that people don't tell you about being married for a long time? You actually do run out of things to talk about I know you might think I am kidding, but I am being a million percent truthsies over here. As a child, I always wondered what married people talked about, and was assured by many a family member that there were always things to discuss This is a lie. A big, fat one. It's really unfortunate that no one was truthful with me, because here I am with nothing to say and completely unprepared on how to deal. My husband and I go on a weekly date night and after I go into detail about my wild day working from home (I ate a Lean Cuisine, I answered three emails, I found a dollar in the wash), I have nothing. The other day I started to tell my husband about this super interesting thing that had happened, but then I was like, "oh never mind, I'm saving that for our date tonight" and he's like "um, WHAT?" and I was like, "well, when I've got something good I save it for date night so I have something to talk about. It seems like such a waste to spend it on a regular day. So then he thought that was one of the weirdest things he's ever heard about, which I assumed maybe HE already did that too? But he was like, "No, people do not do that." It's like I don't know how to be a person the right way sometimes. Every now and again my husband will ask "did you bake anything today, hon?" and ifI made Créme Bruleé Brownies I say "nope" because I'm hiding them and don't want to share. These fudgy little bites of bliss are covered in a thick vanilla custard that slices up like a dream. A sprinkling of sugar and a run under the broiler gets that caramelized, crackly top. Basically, these are perfect and you need them right now. That is all benepla: kramergate: I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood this ending in a recipe literally changed my fucking life i thought i was being spread some fucking truisms abt the ugliness of marriage but it was literally a preamble to creme brulee brownies. writing is fake
A Dream, Click, and Fake: Do you want to know something that people
 don't tell you about being married for a long
 time?
 You actually do run out of things to talk about
 I know you might think I am kidding, but I am
 being a million percent truthsies over here. As
 a child, I always wondered what married
 people talked about, and was assured by many
 a family member that there were always things
 to discuss
 This is a lie. A big, fat one.

 It's really unfortunate that no one was truthful
 with me, because here I am with nothing to say
 and completely unprepared on how to deal. My
 husband and I go on a weekly date night and
 after I go into detail about my wild day
 working from home (I ate a Lean Cuisine, I
 answered three emails, I found a dollar in the
 wash), I have nothing.
 The other day I started to tell my husband
 about this super interesting thing that had
 happened, but then I was like, "oh never mind,
 I'm saving that for our date tonight" and he's
 like "um, WHAT?" and I was like, "well, when
 I've got something good I save it for date night
 so I have something to talk about. It seems like
 such a waste to spend it on a regular day.
 So then he thought that was one of the weirdest
 things he's ever heard about, which I assumed
 maybe HE already did that too? But he was
 like, "No, people do not do that."
 It's like I don't know how to be a person the
 right way sometimes.

 Every now and again my husband will ask
 "did you bake anything today, hon?" and ifI
 made Créme Bruleé Brownies I say "nope"
 because I'm hiding them and don't want to
 share.
 These fudgy little bites of bliss are covered in a
 thick vanilla custard that slices up like a
 dream. A sprinkling of sugar and a run under
 the broiler gets that caramelized, crackly top.
 Basically, these are perfect and you need them
 right now. That is all
benepla:
kramergate:
I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood
this ending in a recipe literally changed my fucking life i thought i was being spread some fucking truisms abt the ugliness of marriage but it was literally a preamble to creme brulee brownies. writing is fake

benepla: kramergate: I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertati...

Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau @DylanReneau Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is worth taking the risk of getting salmonella @logancooper14 Dylan pull yourself together and go get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some class bigpandulce: kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there! Two words: Raw eggs. ?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on *deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag? U can also get from cucumberssss
Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau
 @DylanReneau
 Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is
 worth taking the risk of getting
 salmonella
 @logancooper14
 Dylan pull yourself together and go
 get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough
 not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some
 class
bigpandulce:
kingantlion:

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

ego-ann-16:

phantoms-lair:

ankaa-avarshina:

lorem64:

ankaa-avarshina:


lorem64:
I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!
Two words: Raw eggs.


?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.
MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.
Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.
Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.


Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???


Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?


U can also get from cucumberssss

bigpandulce: kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ...

Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau @DylanReneau Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is worth taking the risk of getting salmonella @logancooper14 Dylan pull yourself together and go get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some class alexander: thyrell: kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there! Two words: Raw eggs. ?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on *deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag? well i was using it as an alternative to romaine lettuce but i guess ill go fuck myself :/ Who the fuck puts flour in cookie dough????
Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau
 @DylanReneau
 Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is
 worth taking the risk of getting
 salmonella
 @logancooper14
 Dylan pull yourself together and go
 get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough
 not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some
 class
alexander:
thyrell:

kingantlion:

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

ego-ann-16:

phantoms-lair:

ankaa-avarshina:

lorem64:

ankaa-avarshina:


lorem64:
I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!
Two words: Raw eggs.


?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.
MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.
Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.
Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.


Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???


Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?


well i was using it as an alternative to romaine lettuce but i guess ill go fuck myself :/


Who the fuck puts flour in cookie dough????

alexander: thyrell: kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: l...

Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau @DylanReneau Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is worth taking the risk of getting salmonella @logancooper14 Dylan pull yourself together and go get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some class piranhapunk: kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there! Two words: Raw eggs. ?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on *deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag? why are you NOT eating flour straight from the bag????
Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau
 @DylanReneau
 Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is
 worth taking the risk of getting
 salmonella
 @logancooper14
 Dylan pull yourself together and go
 get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough
 not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some
 class
piranhapunk:
kingantlion:

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

ego-ann-16:

phantoms-lair:

ankaa-avarshina:

lorem64:

ankaa-avarshina:


lorem64:
I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!
Two words: Raw eggs.


?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.
MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.
Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.
Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.


Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???


Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?

why are you NOT eating flour straight from the bag????

piranhapunk: kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ...

Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau @DylanReneau Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is worth taking the risk of getting salmonella @logancooper14 Dylan pull yourself together and go get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some class lostsometime: vorbits: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there! Two words: Raw eggs. ?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on *deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? there go my dinner plans ;( why are you eating flour straight from the bag???
Asian, Confused, and Fucking: Dylan Reneau
 @DylanReneau
 Unpopular opinion: cookie dough is
 worth taking the risk of getting
 salmonella
 @logancooper14
 Dylan pull yourself together and go
 get a damn spoon. It's cookie dough
 not a beefy 5 layer burrito have some
 class
lostsometime:

vorbits:
smallest-feeblest-boggart:


ego-ann-16:

phantoms-lair:

ankaa-avarshina:

lorem64:

ankaa-avarshina:


lorem64:
I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!
Two words: Raw eggs.


?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.
MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.
Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.
Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.


Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???


there go my dinner plans ;(

why are you eating flour straight from the bag???

lostsometime: vorbits: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’...

Come Over, Dude, and Fucking: 0,A 24% 5:15 Bread Saturday 938 PM I'm ready to get this bread U sure about that?? Oh yeah, I'm always ready for bread Do you like bread? I fucking love bread Do you like getting choked? Saturday 1116 PM Excuse me? Oh c'mon, you know the 'Let's get this bread' meme but not the "Do you like bread" meme? What a disappointment ....I'm unaware of that meme Follow up question: Will you come over tomorrow? Ahhhhh l've been enlightened If you're gonna be bread you've gotta go all the way, dig deep, and become the bread you were meant to be Saturday 11:43 PM You're right I was so unprepared It's all rye-te. You'll do breader next time Damn I need to step my bread game up If you don't improve soon people like me are going to show you up and you'll be toast Today 12:52 AM FRANK you're killing me Sorry, I'm just on a roll Bread? I really can't think of anything damn I made this account for fun now I feel inadequate Wow, usually it's the other people on tinder making me feel inadequate, this is s nice change of pace. There's no need to feel sourdough, cheer up! You're a fuckin baller frank I'm glad I could help Thanks, now I don't feel so pita-ful anymore I've been hitting you with these bread puns naan-stop I hope it hasn't been bothering you too much I fuckin love it how are you so damn clever Are you googling bread puns Nope, just coming up with them off of the top of my bread Marry me I don't think I'm bready for that kind of commitment yet... I appreciate the offer dough My heart is broken frank You're just moving a little too fast for me is all. If we just slow down and take our time I promise it'll be worth the wheat Today 1:58 AM I loaf you There you go, now you're getting it. Donut give up you're doing great Well, it's time for me to bake a nap, I can hit you with more bread puns after my yeast rises out of bed in the morning You bread my mind!! Today 4:49 PM Btw do you mind if I post this conversation to Breaddit and get some karma? Today 5:15 PM Dude go for it GIF Type a I was bready for this
Come Over, Dude, and Fucking: 0,A 24%
 5:15
 Bread
 Saturday 938 PM
 I'm ready to get this bread
 U sure about that??
 Oh yeah, I'm always ready for bread
 Do you like bread?
 I fucking love bread
 Do you like getting choked?
 Saturday 1116 PM
 Excuse me?
 Oh c'mon, you know the 'Let's get this bread' meme
 but not the "Do you like bread" meme?
 What a disappointment
 ....I'm unaware of that meme
 Follow up question:
 Will you come over tomorrow?
 Ahhhhh l've been enlightened
 If you're gonna be bread you've gotta go all the way,
 dig deep, and become the bread you were meant to
 be
 Saturday 11:43 PM
 You're right I was so unprepared
 It's all rye-te. You'll do breader next time
 Damn I need to step my bread game up
 If you don't improve soon people like me are going to
 show you up and you'll be toast
 Today 12:52 AM
 FRANK you're killing me
 Sorry, I'm just on a roll
 Bread?
 I really can't think of anything damn
 I made this account for fun now I feel inadequate
 Wow, usually it's the other people on tinder making me
 feel inadequate, this is s nice change of pace. There's
 no need to feel sourdough, cheer up!
 You're a fuckin baller frank I'm glad I could help
 Thanks, now I don't feel so pita-ful anymore
 I've been hitting you with these bread puns naan-stop
 I hope it hasn't been bothering you too much
 I fuckin love it how are you so damn clever
 Are you googling bread puns
 Nope, just coming up with them off of the top of my
 bread
 Marry me
 I don't think I'm bready for that kind of commitment
 yet... I appreciate the offer dough
 My heart is broken frank
 You're just moving a little too fast for me is all. If we
 just slow down and take our time I promise it'll be
 worth the wheat
 Today 1:58 AM
 I loaf you
 There you go, now you're getting it. Donut give up
 you're doing great
 Well, it's time for me to bake a nap, I can hit you with
 more bread puns after my yeast rises out of bed in the
 morning
 You bread my mind!!
 Today 4:49 PM
 Btw do you mind if I post this conversation to Breaddit
 and get some karma?
 Today 5:15 PM
 Dude go for it
 GIF
 Type a
I was bready for this

I was bready for this