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Dad, Driving, and Girls: N ll 97% 09:01 X r/AskReddit u/vaultmaira12h Garbagemen of reddit, what's the most memorable thing you've found in the trash? Discussion 10.5k 1.7k Share Award BEST COMMENTS 7h My dad was doing some work at a mall and noticed e... JigglyPumpkin 3 PS3. Their kid must have dummied the CatV jack, becaus... NotShannon 11h MemeDeli 11h A corpse that turned out to be a Halloween prop. It scared... billbapapa 10h My friend works at the recycling and garbage Center. He s... deanjarois 5 5h Not a garbage man, but my dad was before I was born. He's found old fishing lures, a Bulova watch, but most importantly... girl's garbage route, My dad was the driver who had this one and every time the girl would hear the truck she'd get all the last minute garbage from the house and take it out so she could get a good look at all the garbage men. And she was interested in my dad. She even scheduled her radiography classes AROUND trash collection day, just so she'd be home. When my dad noticed the trend, he'd often switch roles with one of the guys on the back of the truck so he could take the girl's last minute garbage from her and toss it in. This went on for months. One day, the girl's father locked her out of the house and said he wouldn't let her back in until she gave her phone number to one of the garbage men. Coincidentally this was one day my dad was driving. She took the trash up to the guy on the back and she asked him, "Hey, is your driver seeing anyone?" The guy yelled to my dad "Hey Keith, are you seeing anyone?!?!" And this is how my dad found his most valuable treasure, my mom, in the garbage. They've been happily married for almost 26 years. Reply 8.7k 88 more replies On Ask Reddit
Dad, Driving, and Girls: N
 ll 97%
 09:01
 X
 r/AskReddit
 u/vaultmaira12h
 Garbagemen of reddit, what's the most
 memorable thing you've found in the trash?
 Discussion
 10.5k
 1.7k
 Share
 Award
 BEST COMMENTS
 7h My dad was doing some work at a mall and noticed e...
 JigglyPumpkin 3
 PS3. Their kid must have dummied the CatV jack, becaus...
 NotShannon
 11h
 MemeDeli 11h A corpse that turned out to be a Halloween prop. It scared...
 billbapapa 10h
 My friend works at the recycling and garbage Center. He s...
 deanjarois 5 5h
 Not a garbage man, but my dad was before I was born.
 He's found old fishing lures, a Bulova watch, but
 most importantly...
 girl's garbage route,
 My dad was the driver who had this one
 and every time the girl would hear the truck she'd get all the last
 minute garbage from the house and take it out so she could get
 a good look at all the garbage men. And she was interested in
 my dad. She even scheduled her radiography classes AROUND
 trash collection day, just so she'd be home. When my dad noticed
 the trend, he'd often switch roles with one of the guys on the
 back of the truck so he could take the girl's last minute garbage
 from her and toss it in. This went on for months. One day, the
 girl's father locked her out of the house and said he wouldn't
 let her back in until she gave her phone number to one of the
 garbage men. Coincidentally this was one day my dad was
 driving. She took the trash up to the guy on the back and she
 asked him, "Hey, is your driver seeing anyone?"
 The guy yelled to my dad "Hey Keith, are you seeing anyone?!?!"
 And this is how my dad found his most valuable treasure,
 my mom, in the garbage. They've been happily married
 for almost 26 years.
 Reply
 8.7k
 88 more replies
On Ask Reddit

On Ask Reddit

Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. positive-memes:Bed time stories
Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures
 u/Oceanundertow
 Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago
 Get startled by phone ringing
 It's one of my players
 Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?"
 Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a
 favor?"
 OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif
 Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot."
 Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick
 story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the
 recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my
 laptop at the office so I can't play them."
 NaniTheFuck.mp3
 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?"
 Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC
 acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess
 Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler."
 Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure."
 Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to
 her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker."
 Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon."
 Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!"
 I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg
 Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS
 ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went
 deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?"
 Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises)
 I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story
 over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she
 eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and
 says he'll see me on game night.
 Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable
 for once. I should have thanked him
 I am the dumb dumb mister.
positive-memes:Bed time stories

positive-memes:Bed time stories

Fucking, God, and Internet: mandatalks: locatescape: ask-link-the-hylian-champion: theinfiknight: memeseverdie: bidfox: rnother-hen: neener-nina: deltadragoon: vikinglibertarian: zombie-alpaca-sex-tarp: bestrooftalkever: coolstoryrob: meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerlin: serionsly: voyagevisuelle: This a Moonmelon, scientifically knows as asidus. This fruit grows in some parts of Japan, and is known for its vibrant blue color. What you probably don’t know about this fruit is that it can switch flavors after you eat it. Everything sour will taste sweet, everything salty will taste bitter, and it gives water a strong orange-like taste. It’s also very expensive…costing about ¥16000 JPY (which is about 200 dollars). or you know this could be photoshopped but idk you tell me this is alexandrias melon (wow) it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic) it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy. its really strange how all of these pictures look exactly the same because everything on the internet is true This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus. The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers. It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza. This planet is really just so amazing guys wow. Patrickmelon The taste of this melon will always surprise you. I’m fucking done with this site This is the evermelon. If you cut this watermelon a certain way you will find that it has seemingly regenerated. You can do this an infinite number of times and will have a neverending supply of melon. OH GOD I haven’t seen this post in YEARS and THAT is the fucking additon to it!? ALRIGHT THATS IT ITS TIME TO STOP Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenmelon and I’m ebony black  (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips, and a lot of people tell me I look like watermelons (AN: if u don’t know what dat is get da hell out of here!). Nothing will ever be better than the last one HASHBFJGJDHRJFKFKRJ That last one took me out at the god damn kneecaps- Someone wrote a really interesting article about why people believe these sorts of things so easily.
Fucking, God, and Internet: mandatalks:

locatescape:

ask-link-the-hylian-champion:


theinfiknight:


memeseverdie:

bidfox:

rnother-hen:

neener-nina:

deltadragoon:

vikinglibertarian:

zombie-alpaca-sex-tarp:

bestrooftalkever:

coolstoryrob:

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerlin:

serionsly:

voyagevisuelle:

This a Moonmelon, scientifically knows as asidus. This fruit grows in some parts of Japan, and is known for its vibrant blue color. What you probably don’t know about this fruit is that it can switch flavors after you eat it. Everything sour will taste sweet, everything salty will taste bitter, and it gives water a strong orange-like taste. It’s also very expensive…costing about ¥16000 JPY (which is about 200 dollars).

or you know this could be photoshopped

but idk
you tell me


this is alexandrias melon (wow)
it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic)
it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds
it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy.
its really strange how all of these pictures look exactly the same because everything on the internet is true


This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus.
The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers.
It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza.
This planet is really just so amazing guys wow.


Patrickmelon
The taste of this melon will always surprise you.

I’m fucking done with this site


This is the evermelon.
If you cut this watermelon a certain way you will find that it has seemingly regenerated. You can do this an infinite number of times and will have a neverending supply of melon.



OH GOD I haven’t seen this post in YEARS and THAT is the fucking additon to it!?

ALRIGHT THATS IT ITS TIME TO STOP


Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenmelon and I’m ebony black  (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips, and a lot of people tell me I look like watermelons (AN: if u don’t know what dat is get da hell out of here!).


Nothing will ever be better than the last one 


HASHBFJGJDHRJFKFKRJ


That last one took me out at the god damn kneecaps-



Someone wrote a really interesting article about why people believe these sorts of things so easily.

mandatalks: locatescape: ask-link-the-hylian-champion: theinfiknight: memeseverdie: bidfox: rnother-hen: neener-nina: deltadragoon...

Hello, Internet, and Ironic: TYPOGRAPHICAL TONE OF VOICE 145 when did tumblr collectively decide not to use unctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing it iust looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river The popularity of this and similar posts both confirms that the describing a phenomenon widely recognized by fellow posters were neers and helped acculturate new users into the norms of the plat- form, such as signaling that a question is rhetorical or ironic by ask- ing it without a question mark. Ruhl cites another self-referential, widely shared, multiauthored post, this time from 2016. At first glance, it seems like it's primarily emphasis, but those examples example of different kinds of an interspersed in a neutral, minimal- are ist carrier sentence: i think it's really Cool how there are so many ways to express emphasis Completely different it's #wild TM on tumblr and they're all. #EmphasisTM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE The hashtagged, initial-capped, space-stretched, trademarked HEmphasisTM is a break in the system: it's got too many things ng on at once to be interpretable as more than a joke. But the reply all-capped WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, is simultaneously emphatic and minimalist: it signals strong feeling from the all caps and a rhe- torical question from the question syntax without a question mark. lumblr users were pography, but it wasn't just a Tumblr thing: it also started flourishing particularly self-reflexive about minimalist ty- allthingslinguistic: hi hello alert so that classic tumblr flowing jungle river post is now cited in a real book like an actual paper book and it’s called because internet and it’s all about the evolution of internet language and how TUMBLR DID THE THING and you can get it here
Hello, Internet, and Ironic: TYPOGRAPHICAL TONE OF VOICE 145
 when did tumblr collectively decide not to use
 unctuation like when did this happen why is
 this a thing
 it iust looks so smooth I mean look at
 this sentence flow like a jungle river
 The popularity of this and similar posts both confirms that the
 describing a phenomenon widely recognized by fellow
 posters were
 neers and helped acculturate new users into the norms of the plat-
 form, such as signaling that a question is rhetorical or ironic by ask-
 ing it without a question mark. Ruhl cites another self-referential,
 widely shared, multiauthored post, this time from 2016. At first
 glance, it seems like it's primarily
 emphasis, but those examples
 example of different kinds of
 an
 interspersed in a neutral, minimal-
 are
 ist carrier sentence:
 i think it's really Cool how there are so many ways
 to express emphasis
 Completely different it's #wild
 TM on tumblr and they're all.
 #EmphasisTM
 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
 The hashtagged, initial-capped, space-stretched, trademarked
 HEmphasisTM is a break in the system: it's got too many things
 ng on at once to be interpretable
 as more than a joke. But the reply
 all-capped WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, is simultaneously emphatic
 and minimalist: it signals strong feeling from the all caps and a rhe-
 torical question from the question syntax without a question mark.
 lumblr users were
 pography, but it wasn't just a Tumblr thing: it also started flourishing
 particularly self-reflexive about minimalist ty-
allthingslinguistic:

hi hello alert so that classic tumblr flowing jungle river post is now cited in a real book like an actual paper book and it’s called because internet and it’s all about the evolution of internet language and how TUMBLR DID THE THING and you can get it here

allthingslinguistic: hi hello alert so that classic tumblr flowing jungle river post is now cited in a real book like an actual paper book ...