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Apparently, Ass, and Drunk: snarling-through-our-smiles I once lost my keys at a frat house. My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully- disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch. Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out do not remember The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house. I stood there, right in front of the front door. This was a novel experience for me. I'd never been at a frat house in broad daylight before. A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. "I lost my keys in here last night, I called back. "I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?" He opened the door and gestured for me o come in. "Go wherever you want." I'd never seen a frat house post-party Derore. Wandering up the stairs a by hungover and still-drunk frat boys sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light. A few of them threw puzzled glances my way. I'm sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination. I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller- esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed. "Do you like dog movies?" he asked, voice from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket. I told him I did. e mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking my keys. "Sorry, I haven't seen any keys around bere I didn't doubt him. Twenty minutes had passed. I'd searched just about every bedroom and nuclear- at dumn-site of a bathroom in that house. I'd given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates' forgiveness and get a new set copied. As I stood there in the hallway, silently a particularly burly frat boy approached me. "You need help with something? "I lost my keys here last night and I can't find them, I've looked everywhere. "What do they look like? I'll put it into the group chat. He was already pulling out his phone. No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell. It was worth a shot. "Um, it's just a ring of keys. The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big. Like bright pink, you can't miss He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat. "Alright, I sent the message out. Good luck. e turned and left. And with that, A few moments later, I heard a distant and it was getting louder and louder, One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me. "Someone tell the girl!" One of them shouted, faceless in the mob. "Girl! Hey, GIRL! We found your keys, girl!!! They circled around me. I hadn't felt that old, One of them split himself off from the crowd. "Are these -"he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, "your keys? And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring. "Yes,"I whispered. "Oh my god, yes." "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYY!!" The cheer went up. Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs. I thanked them again profusely. There was a scattered round of "no problems" and then, just suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night. gatorfisch THIS is boys will be boys Nice Frathouse
Apparently, Ass, and Drunk: snarling-through-our-smiles
 I once lost my keys at a frat house.
 My drunk ass had actually walked home
 without them, pounded on my apartment
 door, gotten let in by my rightfully-
 disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to
 pass out on the couch. Apparently I
 puked in the toilet before passing out
 do not remember
 The next morning, I schlepped back to the
 frat house. I stood there, right in front of
 the front door. This was a novel
 experience for me. I'd never been at a frat
 house in broad daylight before.
 A boy, presumably, of the house, asked
 me what I was doing.
 "I lost my keys in here last night, I called
 back. "I was seeing if I could go in and
 look for them?"
 He opened the door and gestured for me
 o come in.
 "Go wherever you want."
 I'd never seen a frat house post-party
 Derore. Wandering up the stairs a
 by
 hungover and still-drunk frat boys
 sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food
 and showers like moths to a porch light.
 A few of them threw puzzled glances my
 way. I'm sure they thought I was some
 post-bacchanalia hallucination.
 I entered one room where a boy was
 drunkenly watching some Old Yeller-
 esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of
 his room from his bed.
 "Do you like dog movies?" he asked, voice
 from the fact that his face was squished
 against his pillow and half-buried by his
 blanket.
 I told him I did.
 e mumbled again, pleased, and asked
 what I was doing. I told him I was looking
 my keys.
 "Sorry, I haven't seen any keys around
 bere
 I didn't doubt him.
 Twenty minutes had passed. I'd searched
 just about every bedroom and nuclear-
 at dumn-site of a bathroom in that
 house. I'd given up on ever finding my
 keys and was prepared to beg my
 roommates' forgiveness and get a new
 set copied.
 As I stood there in the hallway, silently
 a particularly
 burly frat boy approached me.
 "You need help with something?
 "I lost my keys here last night and I can't
 find them, I've looked everywhere.
 "What do they look like? I'll put it into the
 group chat. He was already pulling out
 his phone.
 No one ever checks a group chat, I
 thought, but what the hell. It was worth a
 shot. "Um, it's just a ring of keys. The
 keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like
 yea big. Like bright pink, you can't miss
 He nodded, presumably typing this
 description faithfully into the group chat.
 "Alright, I sent the message out. Good
 luck.
 e turned and left.
 And with that,
 A few moments later, I heard a distant
 and it was getting louder and louder, One
 assumes that how I felt in that moment
 was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest
 stampede through the ravine as a horde
 large young men all thundered down
 the stairs, making a beeling for me.
 "Someone tell the girl!" One of them
 shouted, faceless in the mob. "Girl! Hey,
 GIRL! We found your keys, girl!!!
 They circled around me. I hadn't felt that
 old, One of them split himself off from
 the crowd.
 "Are these -"he pulled out a ring of keys
 from his pocket, "your keys?
 And lo, there was the distinctive bright
 millennial pink cat keychain dangling off
 the ring.
 "Yes,"I whispered. "Oh my god, yes."
 "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
 YYYYYYYYYY!!"
 The cheer went up.
 Turns out he found them in the bathroom
 upstairs. I thanked them again profusely.
 There was a scattered round of "no
 problems" and then, just
 suddenly as
 they descended, they all dispersed, like
 ships in the night.
 gatorfisch
 THIS is boys will be boys
Nice Frathouse

Nice Frathouse

Dude, Fafsa, and Lawyer: Can you marry me 5:01 PM I just got back from my school and they said they cannot give me any aid except for unsubsidised loans unless l have a child, get married, or turn 24, so I have to get married Yeah ok I'll marry you I need a better fafsa application too Wait seriously Would you really do it Im doing actual research on it Are we doing this It would have to happen like lightning fast cause my next semester happens pretty damn soon I don't know how fast this happens lemme check Ughhhh okay so we'd need to get a marriage license which can be up to $30 depending on where we get it, and THEN we need to file for a marriage certificate I'm an ordained minister but idk if I could file my own marriage certificate get ordained and do it Can we go to Indiana? Let me check Dude Im so excited Its possible that I can get FAFSA to pay for an entire apartment for me to go to school in Milwaukee DUDE WHAT Okay so there's no minister registration required in lllinois so Yeah I'm looking that up right now Ive heard that if one partner commits adultery, thats grounds for a quicker divorce Yeah this sample form I'm looking at says "irretrievable breakdown" of marriage Worse comes to worse we can stage a fight but I think we can just say yeah it's not working out Does it include adultery divorce ranging from $15,000 to $30,000. Most of this money is spent on legal fees. So Fuck lawyers We don't need a lawyer We don't have kids we don't have property to divide up Oh thats only for a lawyer We don't have alimony to negotiate We're just two guys being dudes. Gettin a divorce portraitofemmy: possiblestoner: marzipanandminutiae: A. imagine your otp B. dear gods this country has massive issues I’ve been looking for this post for ages listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.
Dude, Fafsa, and Lawyer: Can you marry me
 5:01 PM
 I just got back from my school
 and they said they cannot give
 me any aid except for
 unsubsidised loans unless l
 have a child, get married, or
 turn 24, so I have to get married
 Yeah ok I'll marry you I need a
 better fafsa application too
 Wait seriously
 Would you really do it
 Im doing actual research on it

 Are we doing this
 It would have to happen like
 lightning fast cause my next
 semester happens pretty
 damn soon
 I don't know how fast this
 happens lemme check
 Ughhhh okay so we'd need to get
 a marriage license which can be
 up to $30 depending on where we
 get it, and THEN we need to file
 for a marriage certificate
 I'm an ordained minister but idk if
 I could file my own marriage
 certificate

 get ordained and do it
 Can we go to Indiana?
 Let me check
 Dude Im so excited
 Its possible that I can get
 FAFSA to pay for an entire
 apartment for me to go to
 school in Milwaukee
 DUDE WHAT
 Okay so there's no minister
 registration required in lllinois so

 Yeah I'm looking that up right
 now
 Ive heard that if one partner
 commits adultery, thats
 grounds for a quicker divorce
 Yeah this sample form I'm
 looking at says "irretrievable
 breakdown" of marriage
 Worse comes to worse we can
 stage a fight but I think we can
 just say yeah it's not working out
 Does it include adultery

 divorce ranging from $15,000
 to $30,000. Most of this money
 is spent on legal fees.
 So Fuck lawyers
 We don't need a lawyer
 We don't have kids we don't have
 property to divide up
 Oh thats only for a lawyer
 We don't have alimony to
 negotiate
 We're just two guys being dudes.
 Gettin a divorce
portraitofemmy:

possiblestoner:

marzipanandminutiae:

A. imagine your otp
B. dear gods this country has massive issues

I’ve been looking for this post for ages

listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.

portraitofemmy: possiblestoner: marzipanandminutiae: A. imagine your otp B. dear gods this country has massive issues I’ve been looking ...

Clothes, Food, and Logic: Jakè Neidert Follow @Jakeandbake336 Fact: minimum wage is livable if you cut out entertainment, alcohol, drug, and eating out costs. Minimum wage isn't supposed to support a 6 figure lifestyle 4:27 AM-20 May 2019 480 Retweets 2,549 Likes AlwaysAshley @AshleyFrankly Follow Replying to @Jakeandbake336 Sit down, big boy. "A full-time minimum- wage job doesn't pay well enough to afford rent. In Kansas, where the state minimum wage is $7.25, you'd need to make $10.53 an hour to afford a studio. To rent a one- bedroom at minimum wage, you'd need to work 67 hours a week." 10:41 AM - 21 May 2019 397 Retweets 8,477 Likes Pé Resists Follow @4everNeverTrump Replying to @Jakeandbake336 Okay... let's try this in your city, Waco: Full-time minimum wage: $14,500/year. Splitting a 2 bedroom apartment in Waco: $5400/year. Utilities: $1500/year. Car (because it's TX): $6000/year. Income tax: $1400 WITHOUT FOOD, you're already at $14,300 in yearly expenses. 4:30 PM 21 May 2019 881 Retweets 7,612 Likes Pé Resists Follow @4everNeverTrump Replying to @4everNeverTrump @Jakeandbake336 Nor does this account for healthcare, pets, clothes, hygiene products, Mother's Day and Xmas gifts, etc. There's a reason why people work 60-80 hours/week at minimum (or close to minimum) wage jobs: BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE ON A MINIMUM WAGE. 4:34 PM -21 May 2019 296 Retweets 5,270 Likes Katherine Soutar Artist Follow @Kate_Dancingcat Replying to @Jakeandbake336 This Sometimes the poor are praised for being thrifty. But to recommend thrift to the poor is both grotesque and insulting. It is like advising a man who is starving to eat less. Oscar Wilde www.m ne 6:42 AM 21 May 2019 1,010 Retweets 7,459 Likes gahdamnpunk: Why is conservative logic pretty much “you can live on a minimum wage if you cut out LIVING”??
Clothes, Food, and Logic: Jakè Neidert
 Follow
 @Jakeandbake336
 Fact: minimum wage is livable if you cut out
 entertainment, alcohol, drug, and eating out
 costs. Minimum wage isn't supposed to
 support a 6 figure lifestyle
 4:27 AM-20 May 2019
 480 Retweets 2,549 Likes

 AlwaysAshley
 @AshleyFrankly
 Follow
 Replying to @Jakeandbake336
 Sit down, big boy. "A full-time minimum-
 wage job doesn't pay well enough to afford
 rent. In Kansas, where the state minimum
 wage is $7.25, you'd need to make $10.53 an
 hour to afford a studio. To rent a one-
 bedroom at minimum wage, you'd need to
 work 67 hours a week."
 10:41 AM - 21 May 2019
 397 Retweets 8,477 Likes

 Pé Resists
 Follow
 @4everNeverTrump
 Replying to @Jakeandbake336
 Okay... let's try this in your city, Waco:
 Full-time minimum wage: $14,500/year.
 Splitting a 2 bedroom apartment in Waco:
 $5400/year.
 Utilities: $1500/year.
 Car (because it's TX): $6000/year.
 Income tax: $1400
 WITHOUT FOOD, you're already at $14,300 in
 yearly expenses.
 4:30 PM 21 May 2019
 881 Retweets 7,612 Likes

 Pé Resists
 Follow
 @4everNeverTrump
 Replying to @4everNeverTrump @Jakeandbake336
 Nor does this account for healthcare, pets,
 clothes, hygiene products, Mother's Day and
 Xmas gifts, etc.
 There's a reason why people work 60-80
 hours/week at minimum (or close to
 minimum) wage jobs: BECAUSE IT'S
 IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE ON A MINIMUM WAGE.
 4:34 PM -21 May 2019
 296 Retweets 5,270 Likes

 Katherine Soutar Artist
 Follow
 @Kate_Dancingcat
 Replying to @Jakeandbake336
 This
 Sometimes the poor
 are praised for being
 thrifty. But to
 recommend thrift to
 the poor is both
 grotesque and
 insulting. It is like
 advising a man who is
 starving to eat less.
 Oscar Wilde
 www.m ne
 6:42 AM
 21 May 2019
 1,010 Retweets 7,459 Likes
gahdamnpunk:
Why is conservative logic pretty much “you can live on a minimum wage if you cut out LIVING”??

gahdamnpunk: Why is conservative logic pretty much “you can live on a minimum wage if you cut out LIVING”??