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Books, Dating, and Dogs: Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti Follow I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of lawyer commercials and then asked it to write a lawyer commercial of its own. Here is the first page. LAWYER COMMERCIAL INT. FIRM LAW ROOM A LAWYER stands next to a shelf with books. The books are very wide. They have eaten too many words. LAWYER Have you been hurt in an accidental car? Has the government sold your lungs without asking nicely? Are you Mesothelioma? Answer me! The lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch LAWYER (CONT D) If so, you can act entitled for money. I'11 help. I graduated from Lawn school and all my teachers were bitten by dogs Words scroll across bottom of the screen These are cases the lawyer takes: UNFAIR STABBING, ILLEGAL SHOES, HUSฤฐC TOO CANADIAN, SUE THE RAIN, DIVORCE YOUR TOILET, FAKE SONS. LAWYER (CONT D) I have been a awyer for over 35 weekends and I'm currently dating the Bill of Rights for fun. We see the Bill of Rights. It's in love. The lawyer will break its heart. There's nothing we can do. LAWYER (CONT D) Let me use it to send your asbestos to court. I will wear two suits and I promise to steal the judge's gavel for you. The lawyer opens up the jacket of his first suit. Millions of gavels pour out. His promise has worth LAWYER (CONT D) We see his past clients: a tornado, a tornado, a tornado LAWYER (CONT D) unless you pay us money. Call for a The phone digits appear. It's your social security number My clients never go to jail town. Remember, you don't pay any money free use of phone This lol has worth.
Books, Dating, and Dogs: Keaton Patti
 @KeatonPatti
 Follow
 I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours
 of lawyer commercials and then asked it
 to write a lawyer commercial of its own.
 Here is the first page.
 LAWYER COMMERCIAL
 INT. FIRM LAW ROOM
 A LAWYER stands next to a shelf with books. The books are
 very wide. They have eaten too many words.
 LAWYER
 Have you been hurt in an accidental
 car? Has the government sold your
 lungs without asking nicely? Are
 you Mesothelioma? Answer me!
 The lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the
 justice fruit only lawyers may touch
 LAWYER (CONT D)
 If so, you can act entitled for
 money. I'11 help. I graduated from
 Lawn school and all my teachers
 were bitten by dogs
 Words scroll across bottom of the screen These are cases the
 lawyer takes: UNFAIR STABBING, ILLEGAL SHOES, HUSฤฐC TOO
 CANADIAN, SUE THE RAIN, DIVORCE YOUR TOILET, FAKE SONS.
 LAWYER (CONT D)
 I have been a awyer for over 35
 weekends and I'm currently dating
 the Bill of Rights for fun.
 We see the Bill of Rights. It's in love. The lawyer will
 break its heart. There's nothing we can do.
 LAWYER (CONT D)
 Let me use it to send your asbestos
 to court. I will wear two suits and
 I promise to steal the judge's
 gavel for you.
 The lawyer opens up the jacket of his first suit. Millions of
 gavels pour out. His promise has worth
 LAWYER (CONT D)
 We see his past clients: a tornado, a tornado, a tornado
 LAWYER (CONT D)
 unless you pay us money. Call for a
 The phone digits appear. It's your social security number
 My clients never go to jail town.
 Remember, you don't pay any money
 free use of phone
This lol has worth.

This lol has worth.