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Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

Dad, Driving, and Girls: N ll 97% 09:01 X r/AskReddit u/vaultmaira12h Garbagemen of reddit, what's the most memorable thing you've found in the trash? Discussion 10.5k 1.7k Share Award BEST COMMENTS 7h My dad was doing some work at a mall and noticed e... JigglyPumpkin 3 PS3. Their kid must have dummied the CatV jack, becaus... NotShannon 11h MemeDeli 11h A corpse that turned out to be a Halloween prop. It scared... billbapapa 10h My friend works at the recycling and garbage Center. He s... deanjarois 5 5h Not a garbage man, but my dad was before I was born. He's found old fishing lures, a Bulova watch, but most importantly... girl's garbage route, My dad was the driver who had this one and every time the girl would hear the truck she'd get all the last minute garbage from the house and take it out so she could get a good look at all the garbage men. And she was interested in my dad. She even scheduled her radiography classes AROUND trash collection day, just so she'd be home. When my dad noticed the trend, he'd often switch roles with one of the guys on the back of the truck so he could take the girl's last minute garbage from her and toss it in. This went on for months. One day, the girl's father locked her out of the house and said he wouldn't let her back in until she gave her phone number to one of the garbage men. Coincidentally this was one day my dad was driving. She took the trash up to the guy on the back and she asked him, "Hey, is your driver seeing anyone?" The guy yelled to my dad "Hey Keith, are you seeing anyone?!?!" And this is how my dad found his most valuable treasure, my mom, in the garbage. They've been happily married for almost 26 years. Reply 8.7k 88 more replies On Ask Reddit
Dad, Driving, and Girls: N
 ll 97%
 09:01
 X
 r/AskReddit
 u/vaultmaira12h
 Garbagemen of reddit, what's the most
 memorable thing you've found in the trash?
 Discussion
 10.5k
 1.7k
 Share
 Award
 BEST COMMENTS
 7h My dad was doing some work at a mall and noticed e...
 JigglyPumpkin 3
 PS3. Their kid must have dummied the CatV jack, becaus...
 NotShannon
 11h
 MemeDeli 11h A corpse that turned out to be a Halloween prop. It scared...
 billbapapa 10h
 My friend works at the recycling and garbage Center. He s...
 deanjarois 5 5h
 Not a garbage man, but my dad was before I was born.
 He's found old fishing lures, a Bulova watch, but
 most importantly...
 girl's garbage route,
 My dad was the driver who had this one
 and every time the girl would hear the truck she'd get all the last
 minute garbage from the house and take it out so she could get
 a good look at all the garbage men. And she was interested in
 my dad. She even scheduled her radiography classes AROUND
 trash collection day, just so she'd be home. When my dad noticed
 the trend, he'd often switch roles with one of the guys on the
 back of the truck so he could take the girl's last minute garbage
 from her and toss it in. This went on for months. One day, the
 girl's father locked her out of the house and said he wouldn't
 let her back in until she gave her phone number to one of the
 garbage men. Coincidentally this was one day my dad was
 driving. She took the trash up to the guy on the back and she
 asked him, "Hey, is your driver seeing anyone?"
 The guy yelled to my dad "Hey Keith, are you seeing anyone?!?!"
 And this is how my dad found his most valuable treasure,
 my mom, in the garbage. They've been happily married
 for almost 26 years.
 Reply
 8.7k
 88 more replies
On Ask Reddit

On Ask Reddit

Cars, Fire, and God: Jared 2 hrs please tell me someone got a video of the fire truck moving swiftly and safely through thousands of protestors tonight you know, for all of the "concerned citizens" at home You, Rick d 20 others 2 Comments 1 Share Like Share Comment THROWBACK NIGHT OLD SCHOOLAPROV Speak Out Against Adam Iverson Muslim Ban! 17 mins For the people who complain about emergency vehicles being blocked: GVE MEY AdamlversonPhotography captain-snark: ohdionne: So Minnesotans showed the fuck up tonight (like we do) - thousands in the street protesting tr*mp’s latest executive disorders. And guess what happened? The old proverb “What if an emergency vehicle needs to get where it’s going” came to life, and the sea went silent and parted to allow it through (swiftly…literally the truck was going about as fast as, if not faster than, it would have been if there had been cars it needed to go around). Please share this. This was a rare occurrence where an emergency vehicle needed to go through the route of a protest, when usually they have predetermined alternative routes, and it went completely fine. Also for the love of god, have more respect for firefighters/EMTs…they know how to do their jobs. They’re ready for anything, including working around protests. So folks can stop using that tired old argument now (not that it was ever backed up by sources anyway). It’s almost as though these protesters who are protesting for human rights are decent human people.
Cars, Fire, and God: Jared
 2 hrs
 please tell me someone got a video of the fire truck
 moving swiftly and safely through thousands of
 protestors tonight
 you know, for all of the "concerned citizens" at home
 You, Rick
 d 20 others
 2 Comments 1 Share
 Like
 Share
 Comment

 THROWBACK NIGHT
 OLD SCHOOLAPROV
 Speak Out Against
 Adam Iverson
 Muslim Ban!
 17 mins
 For the people who complain about emergency
 vehicles being blocked:
 GVE MEY
 AdamlversonPhotography
captain-snark:

ohdionne:

So Minnesotans showed the fuck up tonight (like we do) - thousands in the street protesting tr*mp’s latest executive disorders. And guess what happened? The old proverb “What if an emergency vehicle needs to get where it’s going” came to life, and the sea went silent and parted to allow it through (swiftly…literally the truck was going about as fast as, if not faster than, it would have been if there had been cars it needed to go around).

Please share this. This was a rare occurrence where an emergency vehicle needed to go through the route of a protest, when usually they have predetermined alternative routes, and it went completely fine. Also for the love of god, have more respect for firefighters/EMTs…they know how to do their jobs. They’re ready for anything, including working around protests. 

So folks can stop using that tired old argument now (not that it was ever backed up by sources anyway).

It’s almost as though these protesters who are protesting for human rights are decent human people.

captain-snark: ohdionne: So Minnesotans showed the fuck up tonight (like we do) - thousands in the street protesting tr*mp’s latest execut...

Android, Birthday, and Christmas: Mevan ls @MeAndVan Hi internet, this is a longshot BUT I was a refugee for 5 yrs in the 90s and this man, who worked at a refugee camp near Zwolle in the Netherlands, out of the kindness of his own heart bought heart exploded with joy. I just want to know his name. Help? me a bike. My five year old 12 aug. 19 om 17:00 Twitter for Android Mevan las @MeAndVan WE FOUND HIM!! A thread After 3000 RTs, 3 news articles, 1 video and thousands of wonderful messages from around the world, @Arjen78 made contact with the family! Guys, I knew the internet was great but this is something else. Mevan | l@MeAndVan 22m Not only did I find him, but I've also had other refugees reach out to me and tell me that him and his wife helped them too! Their kindness has touched so many lives. One woman said "they weren't friends to me, they were family" Mevan | la @MeAndVan 22m AND someone else who worked at the camp got in touch, Sandra, she was incredible too, she helped me use a computer for the first time! I now work in tech! More so than anything I remember these small kindnesses growing up, they helped shape me. Mevan | ls@MeAndVan 14u For those wondering here what five year old Mevan looked like. This was my fifth birthday in the refugee camp in Zwolle She doesn't even know that an incredible bike is coming her way aaaany day now! Deze collectie weergeven 33 1 Mevan l@MeAndVan 23m Later today, 24 years later, I get to meet him in person! Thank you to everyone who made that possible, to every single person who RT'd and to those who sent messages. Special thanks to @Janske1 @Arjen78 @ds Zwolle. I will update this thread with how it goes! WISH ME LUCK! 17 101 t6 Within a day, she found the man who gave her a bike for Christmas almost 25 years ago
Android, Birthday, and Christmas: Mevan ls
 @MeAndVan
 Hi internet, this is a longshot BUT I
 was a refugee for 5 yrs in the 90s and
 this man, who worked at a refugee
 camp near Zwolle in the Netherlands,
 out of the kindness of his own heart
 bought
 heart exploded with joy. I just want to
 know his name. Help?
 me a bike. My five year old
 12 aug. 19 om 17:00 Twitter for Android
 Mevan las
 @MeAndVan
 WE FOUND HIM!! A thread
 After 3000 RTs, 3 news articles, 1
 video and thousands of wonderful
 messages from around the world,
 @Arjen78 made contact with the
 family!
 Guys, I knew the internet was great
 but this is something else.
 Mevan | l@MeAndVan 22m
 Not only did I find him, but I've also had other
 refugees reach out to me and tell me that him
 and his wife helped them too! Their kindness
 has touched so many lives. One woman said
 "they weren't friends to me, they were family"
 Mevan | la @MeAndVan 22m
 AND someone else who worked at the camp
 got in touch, Sandra, she was incredible too,
 she helped me use a computer for the first
 time! I now work in tech!
 More so than anything I remember these
 small kindnesses growing up, they helped
 shape me.
 Mevan | ls@MeAndVan 14u
 For those wondering here what five year
 old Mevan looked like. This was my fifth
 birthday in the refugee camp in Zwolle
 She doesn't even know that an incredible
 bike is coming her way aaaany day now!
 Deze collectie weergeven
 33
 1
 Mevan l@MeAndVan 23m
 Later today, 24 years later, I get to meet him
 in person!
 Thank you to everyone who made that
 possible, to every single person who RT'd and
 to those who sent messages. Special thanks
 to @Janske1 @Arjen78 @ds Zwolle.
 I will update this thread with how it goes!
 WISH ME LUCK!
 17
 101
 t6
Within a day, she found the man who gave her a bike for Christmas almost 25 years ago

Within a day, she found the man who gave her a bike for Christmas almost 25 years ago

Funny, God, and Head: jumpingjacktrash: arrghigiveup: cimness: China's netizens are all in a twitter over the account of a carpenter who was commissioned to make a cinnabar red high-backed chair with the finials at the top to be "in the shape of dragons' heads" (chéng lóngtóu Unfortunately, he misinterpreted the directions to mean "lin the shape ofl Jackie Chan's head" ("Chénglóng tóu ) (via Language Log Reanalysis, Jackie Chan edition) LMAO ok so to elaborate on this absolute gem, notice how the characters provided for "in the shape of dragons' heads" and "lin the shape of Jackie Chan's head" are identical? That wasn't a typo The thing you need to understand about Chinese names is that they all have meaning. And I don't mean that in the sense of "if you trace the etymology back through two languages it has its roots in a Hebrew phrase that means "God is my " that many Western names have. I mean that in the sense of "almost all of these words are still in regular use today and my parents very literally named me "pretty [and] wise" in Chinese. (Sidenote: This is why we get annoyed at made up 'Chinese' names that just pull two random vaguely Chinese-sounding syllables together. It is blindingly obvious when it's not a real name). (chéng) means "to become", "to turn into" L (lóng) is "dragon". Thus, Jackie Chan's Chinese stage name, (Chénglóng), literally means "become dragon". ((tóu), of course, means "head") (Further sidenote: This is actually a bit of a pun/reference. Specifically, it is a reference to Bruce Lee, whose stage name was (Xiãolóng), or, "Little dragon". So Jackie's chosen stage name means both "become dragon", and "become [like] Bruce Lee") The other thing you need to know about Chinese is that we don't put spaces between terms in written text. What all this means is that the way you'd write "Icarvel into dragon heads" can be identical to the way you'd write "Icarvel Jackie Chan's head", and literally the only difference would be where you pause when you vocalise it: before lóngtóu, or after chénglóng. XD i think the chair turned out great 25 Funny Tumblr Posts to Make You Laughing Today
Funny, God, and Head: jumpingjacktrash:
 arrghigiveup:
 cimness:
 China's netizens are all in a twitter over the
 account of a carpenter who was
 commissioned to make a cinnabar red
 high-backed chair with the finials at the
 top to be "in the shape of dragons' heads"
 (chéng lóngtóu Unfortunately, he
 misinterpreted the directions to mean "lin
 the shape ofl Jackie Chan's head"
 ("Chénglóng tóu )
 (via Language Log
 Reanalysis, Jackie Chan
 edition)
 LMAO ok so to elaborate on this absolute gem,
 notice how the characters provided for "in the
 shape of dragons' heads" and "lin the shape of
 Jackie Chan's head" are identical? That wasn't a
 typo
 The thing you need to understand about
 Chinese names is that they all have meaning.
 And I don't mean that in the sense of "if you
 trace the etymology back through two
 languages it has its roots in a Hebrew phrase
 that means "God is my " that many
 Western names have. I mean that in the sense
 of "almost all of these words are still in regular
 use today and my parents very literally named
 me "pretty [and] wise" in Chinese.
 (Sidenote: This is why we get annoyed at made
 up 'Chinese' names that just pull two random
 vaguely Chinese-sounding syllables together. It
 is blindingly obvious when it's not a real name).
 (chéng) means "to become", "to turn into"
 L (lóng) is "dragon". Thus, Jackie Chan's
 Chinese stage name, (Chénglóng),
 literally means "become dragon". ((tóu), of
 course, means "head")
 (Further sidenote: This is actually a bit of a
 pun/reference. Specifically, it is a reference to
 Bruce Lee, whose stage name was
 (Xiãolóng), or, "Little dragon". So Jackie's
 chosen stage name means both "become
 dragon", and "become [like] Bruce Lee")
 The other thing you need to know about
 Chinese is that we don't put spaces between
 terms in written text.
 What all this means is that the way you'd
 write "Icarvel into dragon heads" can
 be identical to the way you'd write "Icarvel
 Jackie Chan's head", and literally the only
 difference would be where you pause when
 you vocalise it: before lóngtóu, or after
 chénglóng. XD
 i think the chair turned out great
25 Funny Tumblr Posts to Make You Laughing Today

25 Funny Tumblr Posts to Make You Laughing Today

Crime, Jail, and My House: uncleromeo when I was 11, my (black) neighbor witnessed my house being broken into. she called the police to report the crime. I came home from school and the robber was still inside. I personally watched as a man I didnt know walked out of my home with our stuff. the police didnt show up for 3 days. when they did, they told us there was nothing the could do because we "staged the house". they claimed we hid our tv's and valuables to make it look like more was actually stolen. they never asked for a description, never visited the neighbor who saw the break-in, anf as they left, they told us that stolen property is almost never recovered and we should "buy more and get on with [our] lives" when I was 23, I was dog-sitting for a (white) friend. her neighbor called the police and said there was a strange black man in her yard. the police showed up in 5 minutes. 6 units, 12 officers, stormed the back yard as I was running around with the dog. some came through the house and I know for a fact that the front door was locked. they damaged around $5000 worth of property, took her dog to the pound, and me to jail. my friend had to cut her trip short and drive 4 hours back to get me from jail and explain to police in person that she knew me. because "that could be anybody on the phone". the neighbor was with her when she came. we had met several times before. she was neither embarrassed nor apologetic. moral of the story? too many of us have lived this. too many of us didn't survive. Wow
Crime, Jail, and My House: uncleromeo
 when I was 11, my (black) neighbor witnessed my house being broken into.
 she called the police to report the crime. I came home from school and the
 robber was still inside. I personally watched as a man I didnt know walked out
 of my home with our stuff.
 the police didnt show up for 3 days.
 when they did, they told us there was nothing the could do because we
 "staged the house". they claimed we hid our tv's and valuables to make it look
 like more was actually stolen. they never asked for a description, never visited
 the neighbor who saw the break-in, anf as they left, they told us that stolen
 property is almost never recovered and we should "buy more and get on with
 [our] lives"
 when I was 23, I was dog-sitting for a (white) friend. her neighbor called the
 police and said there was a strange black man in her yard.
 the police showed up in 5 minutes.
 6 units, 12 officers, stormed the back yard as I was running around with the
 dog. some came through the house and I know for a fact that the front door
 was locked. they damaged around $5000 worth of property, took her dog to
 the pound, and me to jail.
 my friend had to cut her trip short and drive 4 hours back to get me from jail
 and explain to police in person that she knew me. because "that could be
 anybody on the phone". the neighbor was with her when she came. we had
 met several times before. she was neither embarrassed nor apologetic.
 moral of the story?
 too many of us have lived this. too many of us didn't survive.
Wow

Wow

Head, Love, and Tumblr: SPA FOO coredesignixandnekonee: we-love-gaming: Chikapuuu “He almost looks like a sim with the tail hanging over his head like that.” ~Mom when I showed her this
Head, Love, and Tumblr: SPA
 FOO
coredesignixandnekonee:

we-love-gaming:

Chikapuuu

“He almost looks like a sim with the tail hanging over his head like that.” ~Mom when I showed her this

coredesignixandnekonee: we-love-gaming: Chikapuuu “He almost looks like a sim with the tail hanging over his head like that.” ~Mom when I...