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Anaconda, Apparently, and Assassination: prokopetz Everybody talks about Anastasia, which is a shame, because it's a far less interesting example of Russian fake heir drama than that whole business with the False Dmitries Okay, so Ivan the Terrible's youngest son, Dmitry, was assassinated in 1591 at the age of 8. Fast-forward nine years, and there's a guy going about Eastern Europe claiming that he is Dmitry, having secretly escaped the assassination attempt and lived in hiding under a false identity ever since. This sort of business isn't too unusual, but this guy actually pulls it off, managing to gain the Russian throne and rule for nearly eleven months before being dragged from the palace and publicly executed in early 1606. He'd subsequently go down in history as False Dmitry I Here's where it gets interesting. In mid 1607, a second impostor declares himself. Bizarrely, this one doesn't dispute the first impostor's legitimacy; instead, he claims to be the same guy, having miraculously survived his apparent execution the year before. He somehow wins the political support of False Dmitry I's widow, and with her vouching for his identity, he gains the allegiance of the Cossacks, rallies an army over 100 000 strong, and tries to take back" the throne. Though his march on Moscow ultimately failed, he successfully conquered most of Southeastern Russia, which he would rule until his untimely death in December of 1610, when he was beheaded in a drunken altercation with a Tartar prince. The history books know him as False Dmitry II Now jump ahead three months to March of 1611, when a third fucking impostor pops up. Dude apparently just magically appeared from behind a waterfall in goddamn Ivangorod and declared himself Tsar. Following the lead of False Dmitry I1, he doesn't dispute either of the two previous impostors, instead claiming some sort of spiritual reincarnation and/or magical resurrection - it's not entirely clear which - to establish himself as the same guy. He must have talked a good game, because he managed to win the support of the same fucking Cossacks who supported False Dmitry Il's claim. Unfortunately, he was a far less able commander, being forced to flee his stronghold only a year later, whereupon he was spirited away to Moscow and secretly executed. Though he never managed to actually rule anything, historians decided to stick to the theme and dubbed him False Dmitry Il At this point the historical record becomes confused, with some sources asserting there was a fourth False Dmitry, though others insist that the third False Dmitry was simply counted twice due to poor record-keeping. Still, whether we're talking about three False Dmitries or four, imagine the whole mess from the Tsar's perspective. Dude just wouldn't stay dead! gryphye ohh vou missed one of my favorite bits False Dmitry I not only was executed, it was KNOWN he was fake. Powers that be used him until he was trouble, and THEN executed him Then quartered hinm Then cremated what was left. Stuffed the ashes in a can And shot him out of a cannon back towards Poland, where he actually came from. He pissed off a few people, yeah prokopetz It was a very miraculous survival Source:prokopetz 8,898 notes Nobody made a movie about this because it was just too weird
Anaconda, Apparently, and Assassination: prokopetz
 Everybody talks about Anastasia, which is a shame, because it's a far less
 interesting example of Russian fake heir drama than that whole business with
 the False Dmitries
 Okay, so Ivan the Terrible's youngest son, Dmitry, was assassinated in 1591 at
 the age of 8. Fast-forward nine years, and there's a guy going about Eastern
 Europe claiming that he is Dmitry, having secretly escaped the assassination
 attempt and lived in hiding under a false identity ever since. This sort of business
 isn't too unusual, but this guy actually pulls it off, managing to gain the Russian
 throne and rule for nearly eleven months before being dragged from the palace
 and publicly executed in early 1606. He'd subsequently go down in history as
 False Dmitry I
 Here's where it gets interesting. In mid 1607, a second impostor declares
 himself. Bizarrely, this one doesn't dispute the first impostor's legitimacy;
 instead, he claims to be the same guy, having miraculously survived his
 apparent execution the year before. He somehow wins the political support of
 False Dmitry I's widow, and with her vouching for his identity, he gains the
 allegiance of the Cossacks, rallies an army over 100 000 strong, and tries to
 take back" the throne. Though his march on Moscow ultimately failed, he
 successfully conquered most of Southeastern Russia, which he would rule until
 his untimely death in December of 1610, when he was beheaded in a drunken
 altercation with a Tartar prince. The history books know him as False Dmitry II
 Now jump ahead three months to March of 1611, when a third fucking
 impostor pops up. Dude apparently just magically appeared from behind a
 waterfall in goddamn Ivangorod and declared himself Tsar. Following the lead of
 False Dmitry I1, he doesn't dispute either of the two previous impostors, instead
 claiming some sort of spiritual reincarnation and/or magical resurrection - it's not
 entirely clear which - to establish himself as the same guy. He must have talked
 a good game, because he managed to win the support of the same fucking
 Cossacks who supported False Dmitry Il's claim. Unfortunately, he was a far less
 able commander, being forced to flee his stronghold only a year later,
 whereupon he was spirited away to Moscow and secretly executed. Though he
 never managed to actually rule anything, historians decided to stick to the theme
 and dubbed him False Dmitry Il
 At this point the historical record becomes confused, with some sources
 asserting there was a fourth False Dmitry, though others insist that the third
 False Dmitry was simply counted twice due to poor record-keeping. Still,
 whether we're talking about three False Dmitries or four, imagine the whole
 mess from the Tsar's perspective. Dude just wouldn't stay dead!
 gryphye
 ohh vou missed one of my favorite bits
 False Dmitry I not only was executed, it was KNOWN he was fake. Powers that
 be used him until he was trouble, and THEN executed him
 Then quartered hinm
 Then cremated what was left.
 Stuffed the ashes in a can
 And shot him out of a cannon back towards Poland, where he actually came
 from.
 He pissed off a few people, yeah
 prokopetz
 It was a very miraculous survival
 Source:prokopetz
 8,898 notes
Nobody made a movie about this because it was just too weird

Nobody made a movie about this because it was just too weird

Life, Memes, and 🤖: EL PENDE LEDGE ILIES rf "I will not pledge allegiance to a nation who profits off of the criminalization of families who want a better life." ✊🏾✊🏾 . FamiliesBelongTogether
Life, Memes, and 🤖: EL PENDE
 LEDGE
 ILIES
 rf
"I will not pledge allegiance to a nation who profits off of the criminalization of families who want a better life." ✊🏾✊🏾 . FamiliesBelongTogether

"I will not pledge allegiance to a nation who profits off of the criminalization of families who want a better life." ✊🏾✊🏾 . FamiliesBelongT...

Basketball, Children, and Church: TRUMP CHOOSES JUDGE BRETT KAVANAUGH FOR THE SUPREME COURT On Monday, President Trump announced that he chose Judge Brett Kavanaugh for the United States Supreme Court. Kavanaugh is from Bethesda, Maryland, and is well known in conservative legal circles. “He is a committed textualist and originalist, one whose time on the bench has revealed a unique ability to apply these principles to legal facts. He deeply believes in the constitutional separation of powers as a means for ensuring governmental accountability and protecting individual liberty. From the start of his career, he’s applied the Constitution faithfully, even when that made him a lonely voice. He has done so with particular tenacity on the issue that matters most to the president: taking power away from unelected bureaucrats and returning it to elected officials.” J.D. Vance in the Wall Street Journal as reported by Politico As a member of the DC court of appeals for 12 years, Kavanaugh dissented from the majority in the case of the illegal immigrant who wanted an abortion. He stated that allowing her to have such a procedure was “a new right for unlawful immigrant minors in U.S. Government detention to obtain immediate abortion on demand.” By the time the Supreme Court got the case and denied her request, she already had the abortion. As a judge who holds tightly to the Constitution, Kavanaugh told the White House audience that a judge should “interpret the law, not make the law.” Brett Kavanaugh is active in the Catholic church, serving meals and tutoring students. He graduated from Yale and Yale law school, and has taught at Harvard and other schools. He tutors children, and coaches girls basketball. His wife Ashley is a former secretary to George W Bush. One criticism of Kavanaugh came from him granting an atheist standing in a court case against the Pledge of Allegiance, according to The Daily Wire. Critics also say that it was Kavanaugh whose decision to call Obamacare a “tax” that allowed Justice Roberts to uphold the disastrous healthcare program. https:-news.unclesamsmisguidedchildren.com-trump-chooses-judge-brett-kavanaugh-for-the-supreme-court- Scotus MAGA
Basketball, Children, and Church: TRUMP CHOOSES
 JUDGE BRETT
 KAVANAUGH FOR THE
 SUPREME COURT
On Monday, President Trump announced that he chose Judge Brett Kavanaugh for the United States Supreme Court. Kavanaugh is from Bethesda, Maryland, and is well known in conservative legal circles. “He is a committed textualist and originalist, one whose time on the bench has revealed a unique ability to apply these principles to legal facts. He deeply believes in the constitutional separation of powers as a means for ensuring governmental accountability and protecting individual liberty. From the start of his career, he’s applied the Constitution faithfully, even when that made him a lonely voice. He has done so with particular tenacity on the issue that matters most to the president: taking power away from unelected bureaucrats and returning it to elected officials.” J.D. Vance in the Wall Street Journal as reported by Politico As a member of the DC court of appeals for 12 years, Kavanaugh dissented from the majority in the case of the illegal immigrant who wanted an abortion. He stated that allowing her to have such a procedure was “a new right for unlawful immigrant minors in U.S. Government detention to obtain immediate abortion on demand.” By the time the Supreme Court got the case and denied her request, she already had the abortion. As a judge who holds tightly to the Constitution, Kavanaugh told the White House audience that a judge should “interpret the law, not make the law.” Brett Kavanaugh is active in the Catholic church, serving meals and tutoring students. He graduated from Yale and Yale law school, and has taught at Harvard and other schools. He tutors children, and coaches girls basketball. His wife Ashley is a former secretary to George W Bush. One criticism of Kavanaugh came from him granting an atheist standing in a court case against the Pledge of Allegiance, according to The Daily Wire. Critics also say that it was Kavanaugh whose decision to call Obamacare a “tax” that allowed Justice Roberts to uphold the disastrous healthcare program. https:-news.unclesamsmisguidedchildren.com-trump-chooses-judge-brett-kavanaugh-for-the-supreme-court- Scotus MAGA

On Monday, President Trump announced that he chose Judge Brett Kavanaugh for the United States Supreme Court. Kavanaugh is from Bethesda, Ma...

Be Like, Beautiful, and Drinking: H, HAHAL! CANNOT BELIEvE THE ER MARRYING AN ELF NO LESS! AYE SUCH BEAU, WASTED ON İRST THEIR DAMN KIND THE SINGLE TIME THEY MANAGE TO SEDUCE ONE OF OUR O WN ELVEN EYES IT BE GHM THE RAVISHING 6 HM nyodrite: fozmeadows: words-writ-in-starlight: jam-art: thranduil sleeps calmer knowing even if his son married a dwarf at least he married The Supermodel dwarf and singlehandedly crushed the hopes of single dwarves and dwarrowdams everywhere this is my headcanon and you will never take it from me. listen, just Listen for a second, okay. Gimli Gloinul is from the line of Durin okay, he’s from the line of KINGS, his bloodline stands up against Legolas’ perfectly, if the elves and dwarves got their shit together for a hot second they would be like “YES, PERFECT, A DIPLOMATIC MARRIAGE TO BIND OUR HOUSES TOGETHER AND NEVER SHALL THE TWAIN THROW ONE ANOTHER TO DRAGONS…again.”  because you have a king’s son and a king’s nephew which, well, I love Dain but he’s not an EREBOR KING and GIMLI IS FROM THE FAMILY OF EREBOR KINGS. And Gimli acts like he’s from the line of Erebor kings, too, okay, he’s a diplomat and a warrior and a nobleman, he’s the sort of person who SAYS things like ‘faithless is he who says fairwell when the road darkens’ and stares down Elrond Peredhil in his own home when his strength and faith are questioned.  And he’s the kind of person who swears his allegiance to people he barely knows because it’s Right and Good and Gimli knows it. And Thorin Oakenshield was handsome, and his sister the lady Dis is beautiful, and Gimli’s cousins Fili and Kili were fine young dwarrows, and Gimli’s mother is a great beauty. Basically my point here is that Gimli, proud strong gimli with his firebeard hair and bold laugh and mithril tongue and clever fingers, broke the hearts of everyone in Erebor and not a few people outside of Erebor when he married a goddamn elf.  Like.  Not even Arwen Undomiel (WHO MARRIED A GODDAMN HUMAN, it’s been a weird couple of years in Middle-Earth, everyone wonders strongly if they’ve been drinking too much).  Like he’s not even marrying a great beauty of the elves, Legolas isn’t ugly by elvish standards but also he’s nothing particularly special, and he’s not a great diplomat, and he’s BARELY a king’s son because everyone knows that Mirkwood elves are…a little odd.  Legolas is a big cheerful hunter who sings songs he doesn’t remember all of, who chatters to trees and has no sense of the right thing to say even if he’s developed enough self-preservation to know the wrong thing to say, and FOR THE LOVE OF MAHAL HE FIGHTS WITH A BOW. “GIMLI” Gloin bellows “YOU TURNED DOWN THIRTY-TWO SUITORS FROM FINE DWARVISH LINES FOR THIS” “Ignore him, amrâlime, he’ll get over it” Gimli says in amusement as he beckons Legolas over to his forge, where he’s carefully smithing mithril-inlaid gold marriage clasps that will grip fine elvish hair.  It’s too hot in the forge to wear shirts, if you’re working.  Every dwarf in twenty feet stops what they’re doing to watch Gimli’s biceps flex as he holds up a jewel for Legolas’ inspection. “YOU COULD HAVE HAD A HAREM” Gloin wails from down the hall. #a headcanon I never knew I needed until this very moment @acrossthetallgreenriver
Be Like, Beautiful, and Drinking: H, HAHAL!
 CANNOT
 BELIEvE
 THE
 ER
 MARRYING
 AN
 ELF NO
 LESS!

 AYE
 SUCH BEAU,
 WASTED ON
 İRST THEIR DAMN KIND THE
 SINGLE TIME THEY MANAGE
 TO SEDUCE ONE OF OUR O WN
 ELVEN EYES
 IT BE GHM THE RAVISHING
 6

 HM
nyodrite:

fozmeadows:


words-writ-in-starlight:

jam-art:
thranduil sleeps calmer knowing even if his son married a dwarf at least he married The Supermodel dwarf and singlehandedly crushed the hopes of single dwarves and dwarrowdams everywhere
this is my headcanon and you will never take it from me.
listen, just Listen for a second, okay.
Gimli Gloinul is from the line of Durin okay, he’s from the line of KINGS, his bloodline stands up against Legolas’ perfectly, if the elves and dwarves got their shit together for a hot second they would be like “YES, PERFECT, A DIPLOMATIC MARRIAGE TO BIND OUR HOUSES TOGETHER AND NEVER SHALL THE TWAIN THROW ONE ANOTHER TO DRAGONS…again.”  because you have a king’s son and a king’s nephew which, well, I love Dain but he’s not an EREBOR KING and GIMLI IS FROM THE FAMILY OF EREBOR KINGS.
And Gimli acts like he’s from the line of Erebor kings, too, okay, he’s a diplomat and a warrior and a nobleman, he’s the sort of person who SAYS things like ‘faithless is he who says fairwell when the road darkens’ and stares down Elrond Peredhil in his own home when his strength and faith are questioned.  And he’s the kind of person who swears his allegiance to people he barely knows because it’s Right and Good and Gimli knows it.
And Thorin Oakenshield was handsome, and his sister the lady Dis is beautiful, and Gimli’s cousins Fili and Kili were fine young dwarrows, and Gimli’s mother is a great beauty.
Basically my point here is that Gimli, proud strong gimli with his firebeard hair and bold laugh and mithril tongue and clever fingers, broke the hearts of everyone in Erebor and not a few people outside of Erebor when he married a goddamn elf.  Like.  Not even Arwen Undomiel (WHO MARRIED A GODDAMN HUMAN, it’s been a weird couple of years in Middle-Earth, everyone wonders strongly if they’ve been drinking too much).  Like he’s not even marrying a great beauty of the elves, Legolas isn’t ugly by elvish standards but also he’s nothing particularly special, and he’s not a great diplomat, and he’s BARELY a king’s son because everyone knows that Mirkwood elves are…a little odd.  Legolas is a big cheerful hunter who sings songs he doesn’t remember all of, who chatters to trees and has no sense of the right thing to say even if he’s developed enough self-preservation to know the wrong thing to say, and FOR THE LOVE OF MAHAL HE FIGHTS WITH A BOW.
“GIMLI” Gloin bellows “YOU TURNED DOWN THIRTY-TWO SUITORS FROM FINE DWARVISH LINES FOR THIS”
“Ignore him, amrâlime, he’ll get over it” Gimli says in amusement as he beckons Legolas over to his forge, where he’s carefully smithing mithril-inlaid gold marriage clasps that will grip fine elvish hair.  It’s too hot in the forge to wear shirts, if you’re working.  Every dwarf in twenty feet stops what they’re doing to watch Gimli’s biceps flex as he holds up a jewel for Legolas’ inspection.
“YOU COULD HAVE HAD A HAREM” Gloin wails from down the hall.

#a headcanon I never knew I needed until this very moment


@acrossthetallgreenriver

nyodrite: fozmeadows: words-writ-in-starlight: jam-art: thranduil sleeps calmer knowing even if his son married a dwarf at least he marr...

Nazi, Allegiance, and Soldier: Nazi Soldier Pledging His Allegiance to The Third Reich (Circa 1939-1945)
Nazi, Allegiance, and Soldier: Nazi Soldier Pledging His Allegiance to The Third Reich (Circa 1939-1945)

Nazi Soldier Pledging His Allegiance to The Third Reich (Circa 1939-1945)

Party, Furry, and Nazi: A sexual deviant, also called a furry, pledges allegiance to the Nazi party [circa 1940]
Party, Furry, and Nazi: A sexual deviant, also called a furry, pledges allegiance to the Nazi party [circa 1940]

A sexual deviant, also called a furry, pledges allegiance to the Nazi party [circa 1940]